www.obscuresportsmag.com

magazineOBSCUREOBSCURE SPORTSSPORTSJUNE 2010

- Rules of Engagement

Th ings to Read!

- Chase for the Cornhole Crown

- Speedbal l ! (Not the Drug)

- V irgin Terr i tory Beer Pong

- The “O” List V ideo Games

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www.obscuresportsmag.comJUNE 2010[ Contents ][ Cover Story ] Rules of Engagement For some teams, kickball is just one night a week. For others, it is a lifestyle. Michael Votto shows the repercussions of taking protocol too seriously.

[ Quick Hits ] p.6 - Upon Further Review Our favorite obscure sports clipsp.7 - Do’s & Don’ts What every sports-loving fashionista needs to knowp.23 - Photo Tag Think you’re witty? Win an OSM tee!p.33 - 1/2 PageKanJam

[ Columns ]p.4 - By The GlassThe creator hands out invitations

p.20 - The “O” ListVideo Games and the Obscure Sport

p.24 - Virgin TerritoryKris takes a shot at Beer Pong p.29 - Master DebatersFoam vs. Rubber Dodgeballs

p.35 - Final Word“Torn”

Chase for the Cornhole CrownJodi checks out the Brew City Bags Bash and meets up with two prominent players.

p.8

Speedball! (Not the Drug) With its complicated rules, Speedball has remained fairly obscure - until now.

p.14

p.30

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by the glass

Daniel B. GlassCreative DirectorObscure Sports Magazine

I’ve attended several birthday parties and social gatherings in the past month. At these events, both old friends and new acquaintances ask, “What’s new, Dan?” or “What is it that

you do for work?” This is a golden opportunity to tell them about Obscure Sports Magazine. These conversations always unravel some unusual sports experience or connection that probably wouldn’t have come up, had we not taken a chance on making this magazine a reality. The stories, ideas, and even the opinions about what

is or isn’t obscure are priceless and amusing.

People have told me about a co-ed hurling team, feather bowling and a plan to sell homemade tailgating games at the stadium, just to name a few. Even our regular circle of contributors have learned that they too are connected to obscure sports in ways they had not known or appreciated before. Jodi now understands that her friends are hard-core kickballers, but there are teams that play just for fun. Mike found out his new boss is a beer dart champion. Kris discovered that one of her friends constructed a homemade beer pong table and taught his kids to play with soda. Jami collected a variety of team shirts for a photo shoot and couldn’t use them all. Both direct and indirect connections to obscure sports are popping up everywhere!

We’re still looking for fresh perspectives and know that there is some obscure talent yet to be found. Maybe you or someone you know has something creative to add to the world of obscure sports? Consider this an invitation. What’s keeping you from connecting with us?

We ’re still looking for fresh perspectives and know that there is some obscure talent yet to be found.

invitat ion [ in-v i - tey-shuhn] the written or spoken form with which a per-son is inv i ted.

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Andy ButeynDrawing Guy“Bastards of Young by The Replacements”andy@obscuresportsmag.com

Daniel B. GlassCreative Director “Paper Planes by M.I.A.” dan@obscuresportsmag.com

Jodi NeitzelMarketing/Contributor “Victim to the Beat by Kid Millions” jodi@obscuresportsmag.com

Paul O’MaraContributor “Tightrope by Janelle Monae”

Andrea SpiegelbergEditor/Contributor “Sunglasses at Night by Corey Hart” andrea@obscuresportsmag.com

Kristine SzatmaryContributor “Legs by ZZ Top” kris@obscuresportsmag.com

Jami TopolovichPhotographer/Contributor “It’s Tricky by RUN-DMC” jami@obscuresportsmag.com

Michael VottoContributor “Renegade by STYX” mvotto@obscuresportsmag.com

Jake WallendalContributor“All I Do is Win by DJ Khaled”

Contact Us... Obscure Sports Magazine

4918 West Vliet St Milwaukee, WI 53208

414-454-0447 info@obscuresportsmag.com

check out our BLOGor our MESSAGE BOARD!

Contributor Question of the Month: What’s your kickball at-kick theme song?

Follow us on your favorite social networking site...

Additional Photography Contributors:Natalie McLaughlin Eddie Licitra Kevin Vodicka

CONTRIBUTORS

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1. Billy’s Balls 2Not sure what happened in episode one, but these shots are amazing. See what you can achieve with a little time and practice? Or a lot of time and a lot of weed. I am sure mom and dad are proud. Who needs college?

Got a funny clip? We want to see it! Send us the link at - ufr@obscuresportsmag.com

Upon

FUr

ther

rev

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..2. dizzy Bat nUtshotDamn! Why is it always the person you least expect taking one to the jiblets? He’s just standing there, minding his own business. I guess you do have the perfect formula though. Beer + Dizzy Bat = Awesomeness.

3. Cornhole CommerCial I am not sure if this is a real commercial or not. I’ll let you decide. What I do know, is that it’s pure genius and I hope that it’s genuine. “I got one with Lionel Ritchie on it.” Nice work guys and keep up the great work!

4. dodgeBall. faCe. disaster. You have to love intermural sports. Unfortunately, this guy is the last one standing and pays the ultimate price for his attention lapse. We could do without all the cheesy effects, but still worth a look.

5. four square - 4tvs.comThis one makes the list just for production value alone. Links to a series of videos, as we can’t pick just one. Making up a reality show based on Four Square in your own driveway? We approve!

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No wrong answers here... just doing our part to help the helpless figure it out.

Do’s & Don’ts

Send us your pictures to dodont@obscuresportsmag.com and win a t-shirt if we use it.

WiN A

T-ShirTDeTAilS BelOW

When God had shone his g lor ious l ight down from the heavens, he could have only hoped i t would i l luminate a scene l ike th is one. Presented before us we have two men in a t ight embrace with no intent ions of lett ing go unt i l next season. No longer under the watchful eye of their captain’s judgement, their love has sprung to the surface for a l l to see. As weird as i t looks, much l ike a b lossom on a cactus,

i t certa in ly conveys a certa in sense of unbr id led pass ion and joy.

How f i tt ing that the beauty in b lue is sport ing h is stunner shades, t iara and earr ings for h is b ig day. Normal ly i t ’s the costume for the guest of honor at a 5-year o ld g i r ls ’ b i r thday party. But not today. I t ’s a lmost certa in that the red headbands each of these Romeos is sport ing serves one purpose: to keep their sweat f rom ruin ing their hair. We know we’re looking at a man in the green shirt , but not quite sure i f he th inks he’s hugging the newly crowned Miss K ickbal l or the Queen of England.

I t ’s poignant that each has one arm in embrace and the other reaching out to the sky. Could i t symbol ize how this i s as c lose as they ’ l l ever be to paradise? Only those who have shared an equal ly emancipat ing moment can re late. Can you? I f not , maybe i t ’s t ime to break the chains that hold you down as wel l .

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A balmy Saturday n ight in May is a godsend for se l lers of potent potables in th is town. The main drag is swarmed by col lege k ids looking for that one last hookup before a summer of menia l work and the occas ional ly present pol ice cruiser keeps the droves in check. Every establ ishment is packed and there is rarely a bored bouncer in s ight . Window shopping for darts i s made imposs ib le by p instr ipe dress shirts and fauxhawks. Through the short sk i rts and sty l ized tees, Joe was on the c lock and looking forward to “after bar ”.

The jo int i tse l f i s pretty standard - a vest ibule leading into a large c i rc le counter with a dance f loor on one s ide and booths on the other. At th is t ime of n ight , two hours short of bar c lose, the gyrat ing gets ser ious and the l iquor f lows l ike stream water. The four bartenders quick ly sh i f t f rom customer to tap. Customer to bott le . Customer to touchscreen. That ’s when I spot Joe, the man I ’ve come to see from a throwaway l ine from another source.

A ta l l but th ick gent leman, Joe runs th is p lace - wel l , he does when the owner isn’t around. The bur ly man’s voice seems to g l ide over the Top 40 soundtrack as wel l as h is drunk paychecks. Bark ing for new kegs and c leanups, the bearded manager doesn’t mess around when i t comes to h is job. I make attempts to introduce mysel f a mult i tude of t imes, but I ’m a lways pushed as ide for another problem and another s i tuat ion in need of remedying.

I reserve mysel f to a corner of the bar, ca l l ing for a vodka tonic and decide to wait i t out unt i l the busyness d ies down. One dr ink turns into two and suddenly I ’m enthusiast ica l ly eavesdropping on the group of underage g ir ls next to me. Their complain ing about “ lame guys” and the deeds to be done - quite brash and unf latter ing for the lovely young ladies - makes me grateful to be out of the game. By the end of their chatter, I ’ve grown to love my g ir l f r iend more and now f inal ly understand why s ingle people decry their n ights out on the town. Having to wade through a l l the d isappointments and one-night stands must be exhaust ing.

With the ceremonious “ last ca l l” and fo l lowing the twenty minutes of register jockeying , I f ina l ly am on Joe’s radar. He throws a bar rag over h is shoulder, and approaches me with a t i red but profess ional look. After the p leasantr ies , we sett le down in a f reshly c leaned booth as the staff put the p lace back in order for tomorrow ’s brunch.

Rulesof engagement

by michael votto

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“For awhi le , k ickbal l was my l i fe ,” he expla ins as he s ips f rom the remnants of a ta l l whiskey sour. Joe was the captain of a fa i r ly wel l -known team in the area, Sc issor Me T imbers , for many years . The team bounced between v ictory marches and blackouts for much of their ex istence, and even cont inues on today in name only. But their heyday was with Joe at the helm. The Joe in f ront of me resembles the one descr ibed from previous interv iews, but there is something miss ing. The stor ies of the “Kar l Marx meets Chr is Far ley ” character matches up in appearance but not quite in the boisterous nature of h is legend.

“ I guess there was a point when I was, l ike, 29 that I f ina l ly put down the bal l and sa id ‘hey, I gotta get ser ious’,” he says with a ra ised arch of the brow. I ’ve encountered th is a lot - intense gui l t over something as carefree as a p layground game. The deeper you look, the more ser ious some of these teams and players get about winning - even about just l iv ing the l i festy le. “ I had my then-g ir l f r iend te l l ing me I can’t keep spending the spr ing and summer months l ike a col lege k id, and so I ca l led i t quits ,” he cont inues, “but now I wouldn’t even know what to do i f I wanted to get back into i t .”

Honest ly, I wasn’t here to d iscuss the gui l t that comes with g iv ing up something you love. Leave that for late-night ta lk radio. I wanted “ The Rules of Engagement ”, a mythica l l i st developed by Joe and his cronies dur ing one season as a T imber. I t took the perceived drunken, int imate l i festy le of the k ickbal ler to the next level , as i t was a str ict code of conduct for teammates. Ranging from in i t iat ion for new recruits to a speci f ic out l ine for inter-squad “hook ups”, i t shocked me when I was to ld of i ts probable ex istence. As the Guinness starts f i l l ing our g lasses, Joe chuckles at what I came for.

“ I t started off as a joke but some real ly took i t to heart , but yeah, i t i s real ,” he proudly procla ims as i f we were ta lk ing about a lost manuscr ipt . “Do you want a copy? ”

Orig inal ly a large pantry for the restaurant that came before i t , the off ice is a complete mess - so, in a way, i t perfect ly matched i ts manager. The shelves are c luttered with payrol l s l ips , tax informat ion, receipts - i t i s a CPA’s n ightmare. Joe reaches for a weathered attache from the s ide of the overf lowing desk, removing a th ick notebook computer f rom i ts ins ides. Moving c lutter to prop i t up, i t takes forever for the PC to boot. In th is t ime, I

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f ind out that Joe l ives a lone on the East S ide and he’s th inking about h i tt ing the cas ino instead of the A.B. , but th is doesn’t feel l ike i t i s a whimsica l dec is ion. His tone seems to echo that th is i s a common occurrence, tak ing a strong turn into se l f-destruct ive that I only thought occas ional ly dur ing our d iscuss ion.

“ I t ’s a l i tt le r id iculous when you f i rst read i t , but you can imagine how some people embraced each rule completely,” he remarked as he fumbled to connect the Xerox ’s USB cable to h is bruised laptop. “Not everyone took them ser ious ly,” he prefaced, “but enough did.” Crypt ic indeed.

The bolded sect ions stood out before Joe even handed me the l i st . “Hooking Up”, “Dr inking ”, “Jerseys”. He let out a s igh and brought me into h is former l i fe . Excus ing h imsel f f rom the off ice

dating & hooking Up

1.1 - You may not date one another! There wi l l be no hand holding , feel ings , PDAs, or drama. No except ions to th is ru le!

1.3 - Daybreak c lause - by 8:00 Saturday morning , encounters are to be reset back to normal pre-hookup behavior.

1 .7 - Spin the Bott le i s a preferred game and is a lways encouraged.

drinking

2.3 - FNGs wi l l be subject to beer b i tch for a minimum of 3 games.

2 .6 - We must make an appearance at our sponsor bar e i ther before or after each game.

Jerseys & att ire

3.1 - You wi l l not be a l lowed to come up with your own nickname for the back of your jersey.

3 .2 - A l l women’s jerseys wi l l be ordered one s ize

too smal l .

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for a tap re lated issue, i t was just me and the roughly f ive-hundred words I had been searching for.

“ There wi l l be no hand holding - no except ions,” i t sa id, a lmost exploding off the page. Rule number one was a cold one - surpr is ing that anyone found this to be funny. The seven-subsect ions of the “Hooking Up” category i l lustrated proper et iquette when deal ing sexual ly between teammates. Hookups were only a l lowed on Fr iday n ights but had to be d issolved by e ight o’c lock the fo l lowing morning. Subst i tute p layers d id not adhere to these condit ions and romant ic re lat ionships could be pursued i f des ired, but there was to be no inter-squad dat ing otherwise.

The “Dr inking ” set was where the humor gained a foothold as i t depicted the wi ld n ights th is team must ’ve had. Attendance of post-game shenanigans was pract ica l ly compulsory and th is was in the name of “proper bonding t ime”. I t was a lso bus iness as usual , as they were a lso required to put in some face-t ime with their sponsor bar. Gotta pay for the next season somehow.

Some of the best th ings found on the bal l d iamond are the jerseys - be i t funny names or crazy des igns, they can real ly l ink a ragtag group and i l luminate a personal i ty. To p lay for th is team, however, you agreed to g ive up se l f-express ion in favor of a n ickname vote and matching accessor ies . Senior members of the team had a l l the votes and picked out the gear.

Each sect ion and each provis ion echoed a Jonestown- ian sent iment that I had never before thought of. At least , th is was going to be a comical read, but I d idn’t know that the “at most ” would be so fr ightening. One could see that , taken out of context and put in the hands of a more psychologica l ly-def ic ient p layer, these ru les could hold water.

“Ready to get going? ” Joe says as he returns

for h is satchel . There’s more here than just a l i st , so i t was off to wherever my bearded sherpa wanted to get h is rocks off.

Moving from one v ice to another, I d iscover quick ly that Joe l ikes to gamble. And that he’s actual ly pretty good at i t .

“After games, a couple of us use to go from bar to [ the cas ino] ,” he expla ins as he gets dealt a hand in b lackjack. “ I never gambled before p lay ing k ickbal l , but I found out that I ’m pretty decent at cards,” he concludes with a shrug of the shoulders , a lmost confused about h is Rain Man- l ike control over the deck. He leaves the table up a lmost f ive hundred dol lars , and even I , the hardened ant i -gambl ing advocate, began sa l ivat ing at the mouth. Suddenly he was the b ig man on campus again - untouchable in h is realm.

We sett le down in the bar area between games, and I ask h im why he tru ly i sn’t out there on the d iamond anymore - the ex-g ir l f r iend explanat ion was a n ice story but that lays gui l t at some g ir l ’s door. He comes around to the fact that h is running the team ruined one potent ia l pr ior re lat ionship, and he never real ly recovered. She was into h im, he was into the ru les . He was young , she was in love. I t was l ike a s ickening John Mel lencamp song that wasn’t about farming or tractors or whatever he s ings about. Damn the knowledge that he knew the l i st was n inety-f ive percent bul lsh i t , there was nothing more important in h is wor ld than operat ing th is team.

“I loved throwing stats onl ine, going out , making l ineups - i t was a huge part of my l i fe ,” he reminisces. He was good at what he d id, but i t had consequences. “ I do th ink that i t got in the way of a lot of th ings, but i t ’s no d i fferent than going to the cas ino,” he immaturely compares. I never mistake Joe’s age for wiseness , especia l ly after that remark.

“ I got more into control l ing teammates

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and strategies after that whole th ing ,” he admits , tak ing a s ip f rom the f i rst non-alcohol ic dr ink of the n ight . Those ru les became a l i tt le more ser ious, and then enforceable. Push Joe hard enough back then on rule 2 .3 of “beer b i tching ” and you were suddenly without a team. This rubbed some of the p layers the wrong way, and once loyal part ic ipants were quick ly unavai lable the next season. “ I t was inv igorat ing to be in charge, but everyone hates the person at the top,” he strangely boasts .

Somehow in the bust le f rom one table to another, I lost h im in the a lmost 800,000 square feet of s lot machines and dealers . I never wanted to be here - no des ire to lose the l i tt le money I d id make. Even at four-th irty in the morning , the o ld b irds were out with their oxygen tanks and Rascal scooters - I guess ear ly-r isers get b igger payouts .

I f ina l ly locate h im - after near ly ten minutes - s i tt ing at another b lackjack table, but running into a l i tt le more res istance than last t ime. I get back to the root and ask about what he d id after screwing the pooch on that “one true love”. Joe launches into a t i rade about the dreaded ex and how she threw down the u lt imatum of k ickbal l or her. Seeing the fault in h is last quas i -re lat ionship, he gave up something he cared so deeply for that he created a near-cult mental i ty around i t . Needless to say, she d idn’t f ind h is sacr i f ice deserv ing of complete devot ion.

“ Then I asked her i f i t was h im or me,” he quiet ly points out . “She chose the other guy. They have a k id now.”

Two re lat ionships , both in ashes. On the surface, i t was the sad-sack ta le of a guy who couldn’t catch a break. In actual i ty, i t was of an adolescent boy who doesn’t understand the pr inc ip les of human respect and interact ion. I f you don’t

nurture something , i t wi l l d ie . Joe came c lose to having realness , but sacr i f iced i t in the name of comradeship. He then changed completely to accommodate a tox ic person, and got burned for that . I understand his sad cyc le of bar, cas ino, bar - he doesn’t want to go home. I can see h im with a beer in hand watching a basebal l game and hal f-heartedly greet ing h is s igni f icant other as she walks through the door. That ’s probably the ideal for Joe, but he doesn’t even have that . I wouldn’t want to go home either.

He’s lost what he’s won now, but you never see frustrat ion f low through his face. I t ’s just something that ’s happening , as i f he lacks the control to just get up and quit whi le he’s ahead. I f I wasn’t here - i f he had no one to impress - god knows how long he would remain in th is zombie- l ike trance.

“ You l ive by the l i st , you die by the l i st ,” Joe comments, completely unprovoked. He chuckles , but then sadly returns to h is cards. I see now what I d idn’t see the moment I found him through the barf l ies , as he jawed commands to h is employees - i t was that stare. I t wasn’t cold, nor was i t inv i t ing. There was no purpose of d irect ion or attempt to become lost . I t was a vacancy - something that somebody gets when they go wrong. He helped create a s imple l i st for a laugh or two, but i t ended up wield ing greater power than i ts creator meant. Even within th is p last ic perfect , Joe d idn’t feel at home. He had lost that long ago.

Names, dates, and exper iences in th is p iece have been modif ied to protect the sources.

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I t ’s a sunny Saturday morning in Apr i l and I ‘ve just arr ived at the Pett i t Nat ional Ice Center in beaut i fu l Mi lwaukee, Wisconsin. Ins ide the cold, windowless bui ld ing are some of the nat ion’s best Cornholers , and I was about to go in and f ind out what i t took to be a pro. I wasn’t sure what to expect , but was quite certa in I ’d see some morning Woody ’s… and a few S l ick ones at that . (See s idebar) Armed with a long l i st of quest ions and a cameraman in tow, the quest i s s imple - get answers and get photos. The rest , as they say, i s a crapshoot.

I walk in , the p iped- in music near ly muted by the rhythmic thud of bag h i tt ing board. The pros, p lay ing in an area separate from the recreat ional compet it ion. Sport ing off ic ia l sh irts with their ranking on the col lar, they ’re bas ica l ly say ing: This I s the Real Deal .

On the other s ide of the oval , 80 pre-registered amateurs are wait ing , many with beer in hand, for the recreat ional compet it ion to get underway. So what i f i t ’s 11 am? This i s Wisconsin. When in Rome …

After American Cornhole Organizat ion (ACO) founder Frank Geers pairs off the amateurs , he took some t ime to answer a few quest ions about the game and the organizat ion. The ACO began in C inc innat i , OH in 2005 and or ig inal ly funct ioned as a products company. The goal was to provide bags and boards to Cornhole enthusiasts p lay ing the game at backyard barbeques and ta i lgat ing events . Geers quick ly recognized that Cornhole was becoming a popular recreat ional game and saw an opportunity to develop i t into an actual sport – with a very suggest ive name. I addressed the subject ear ly in our conversat ion,

CHASEFOR THECORNHOLECrOWN

by Jodi neitzel

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and Geers d idn’t miss a beat defending the name of the game. “ The reason the game is ca l led Cornhole is because that ’s the or ig in of the game,” he sa id, “ The bag was f i l led with corn and the bag of corn was thrown into a hole, hence, Cornhole.”

Fa ir enough. Mind removed from gutter.

S ix years later, the ACO has evolved into the governing body for the sport of Cornhole, organiz ing recreat ional and profess ional tournaments nat ionwide. Those who are ser ious about the sport compete in the “Chase for the Crown” with the u lt imate goal of becoming the King of Cornhole. The “chase” consists of f ive Masters Ser ies tournaments , mult ip le S ignature Ser ies and Spot l ight Ser ies events held across the country. The 2010 tour began with the Icehole C lass ic in C inc innat i , February 27-28, and wi l l end w i t h the TurkeyHole in Chicago, November 26-27. The top 40 p layers f rom these events , a lso known as the CornyForty, earn their spot in the King of Cornhole compet it ion being held in Las Vegas, January 2011. The Brew City Bags Bash is a S ignature Ser ies event .

The chase is open to any male or female who has paid the $200 entry fee, which inc ludes; an ACO membership, a pro jersey - required att i re at a l l ACO Pro events , and has successful ly completed a Sk i l l s Chal lenge with a score of 285 or more. A Sk i l l s Chal lenge (SC) i s used to determine sk i l l level and is ca lculated based on the average score of three Frame Games. A Frame Game is th irteen frames, throwing four bags per f rame.

There are current ly 73 p layers compet ing

for a spot in the CornyForty, and only two are women. I sat down with Dyana Tol l iver to f ind out what i t ’s l ike to be a woman in th is male-dominated sport . Dyana has traveled from West Virg in ia to compete in the Brew City Bags Bash with the goal of earning more points for the season. After p lay ing recreat ional ly for years , th is i s the f i rst year she decided to off ic ia l ly chase the crown. As I ask about l i fe on the pro tour, we’re surrounded by the men she competes against a l l -year long. The knowledge that her words would be pr inted in Obscure Sports Magazine for a l l to read weighing on my mind, I pay c lose attent ion to her fac ia l express ions, as she l i sts the ent i re pos i t ive exper iences she’s had. Tol l iver ’s s incer i ty i s obvious and she jokes with some of her male compet itors pass ing by. She says that in the beginning they often underest imated

her, but Tol l iver ’s current r a n k i n g as 26th in the C o r n y

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“. . . the goal i s s imply to p lay for awhi le .”

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Forty speaks for i tse l f. Dyana Tol l iver can certa in ly hold her own.

When we spoke, Dyana had just f in ished throwing against Matt Guy, the current K ing of Cornhole, and laughs, te l l ing me she’s just happy to hold h im off. When play ing Guy, the goal i s s imply to p lay for a whi le . I f she can do that , Tol l iver says , the match is a v ictory.

Matt Guy took f i rst p lace at the Brew City Bags Bash, and at press t ime was in second place for th is year ’s corny crown. He was grac ious enough to take some t ime out of h is busy day of winning to te l l me about h is r i se to royalty. Guy has been play ing for over seven years and admits to pract ic ing only a couple t imes a week. But i t seems to be working for h im. Guy went pro in 2006 and has s ince held the t i t le of K ing of Cornhole. In fact , he’s the f i rst three-peat K ing. His advice to beer-swi l l ing amateurs , looking to make their way into the pros is s imple - “ You have to be able to rotate your bag c lockwise and keep i t as f lat as poss ib le , so that when i t h i ts the board i t s l ides stra ight .”

In addit ion to winning points , p layers a lso compete for cash bonuses. And we’re not ta lk ing pocket change e i ther. In 2009, $52,000 in overal l pr ize money was offered on the tour. In 2010 pr ize money offer ings a l ready exceed $250,000. The ACO guarantees a minimum of $25,000.00 in pr ize money th is year to the CornyForty.

For more informat ion about the ACO, v is i t www.americancornhole.org. To fo l low a long as the pros chase the crown, check out www.kingofcornhole.com.

Cornhole: the movieA mockumentary f i lm about a cast of misf i ts on their way to the Nat ional Cornhole Championship. Each team is f ight ing to win the prest ig ious Bronze Sack, proving their worth in the h ighly compet it ive wor ld of Cornhole. Get a g l impse into the intr iguing subculture of profess ional Cornhole by v is i t ing http://www.cornholethemovie.com

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shutterfoldphotos by Jami topolovich

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Ful l d isc losure: I ’m a tota l v ideo game nerd. Wel l , not one of those people who s i t in their dark bedroom play ing World of Warcraft a l l day – I don’t have the t ime or money to do that – but I ’m a pretty geeky guy when you get me around any console. Ever s ince my fami ly got us k ids a NES, I ’ve been hooked. Twenty years and near ly f i f teen systems later, I ’m st i l l k ick ing around in v i r tual lands, but now i t i s just onl ine with people born in the n inet ies (shudder) .

Everyone knows Mario, Sonic , and Donkey Kong , but d id you know that there is one game that unites them al l? I f you sa id Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Winter Games, I ’m going to venture a guess that you l ive in your mother ’s basement. I t has not been rare for popular p latform characters to sneak into or headl ine sport games throughout the h istory of v ideo gaming. Whi le most of their appearances s imply masked bad mechanics , there have been many other games that have f lown just below the radar without the a id of a b ig name star.

I ’ve ro l led through so many cartr idges and discs i t would make my g ir l f r iend leave me. No ser ious ly, don’t te l l her I ever owned a Virtual Boy. Anyway, going back through my cata log of PC and v ideo games, I ’ve d iscovered some br i l l iant , and not so br i l l iant , sports . One of them is even a completely f ict i t ious game – ahh, the beauty of v ideo games.

super dodge Bal l (aKa you’ l l hate i t , then you’ l l love i t )

The learning curve on the NES game Super Dodge Bal l was s l ight ly r id iculous. You don’t know how many bal ls my poor team took to their faces as I t r ied to master the controls and strategy of th is game, but l ike any cartr idge-blowing gamer, I so ld iered on. Soon,

8 b i t h e r o e s

v i d e o g a m e s a n d t h e o b s c u r e s p o r t

b y m i c h a e l v o t t o

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I was tak ing out the USSR and Japan in a batt le for g lobal dominat ion. Honest ly, i t i s a tough game to completely master but once you do, you are rewarded with a h igh-energy 8-bit exper ience. I t was recent ly ported onto the Wi i for download, so I say i t i s worth the 500 points i f you put in the work.

shuff lepuck Cafe (aKa lamest and least helpful Bar regulars ever)

I remember gett ing th is game with our fami ly ’s f i rst computer – and the only reason I remember i t i s because i t was an absolutely infur iat ing game. F i rst off, i t had the most r id iculous premise of a l l t ime. You are an intergalact ic so l ic i tor who runs into some issues with your spaceship. Unable to keep on with your galaxy- jumping sa les miss ion, you look for a te lephone but f ind the c losest i s in Shuff lepuck Cafe. Working our way past the fact that you have a spaceship but landl ines are st i l l the best opt ions, the Cafe is f i l led with creeps from al l corners of the universe, and they s i t hunched over tables . And in the most outrageous deus ex machina for the p lot of a game, you must p lay “shuff lepuck” against the regulars to earn your r ight to use the phone. No…ser ious ly. Shuff lepuck Cafe wasn’t much table shuff leboard, but an awkward vers ion of a i r hockey. And let me te l l you, there is nothing less fun than play ing a ir hockey on a computer, especia l ly one which has the inf in i te ly-better Snake insta l led on i t . Or that weird game where the two monkeys throw bananas at each other f rom bui ld ings. And I d igress .

target toss Pro: Bags (aKa golden tee Without the Course)

Incredible Technologies , the makers of Target Toss Pro: Bags, i s more a part of your l i fe than you may know. S i tt ing at a bar and hear ing drunk patrons smack their hands against the cabinet of a Golden Tee machine? Thank Incredible Technologies . L i f t ing your smal l ch i ld up to throw a v i r tual gutterbal l in S i lver Str ike Bowl ing at a Chuck E. Cheese? Ha, you just part ic ipated in making Incredible Technologies a l i tt le r icher. A l l these games are trackbal l -based, so they are a b i t of a one-tr ick pony, and Target Toss Pro: Bags is no except ion. Gol f ing can get expensive and bowl ing is not so much fun when you suck, but baggo is such an easy game to p lay and have fun for a minimal cost . So when I saw this arcade game s i tt ing in the middle of a busy arcade, I was apprehensive about i t . Needless to say, I wasted some good tokens that could have been used on House of the Dead. Pretty unresponsive and nothing c lose to the touch of the real game, pumping quarters into Target Toss Pro: Bags is l ike paying L indsay Lohan for act ing lessons: she’ l l probably not show up, but i f she does, she’ l l puke a l l over you and pass out in a heap of fa i lure on the f loor. That made more sense in my head. Moving on!

Ki l lerbal l (aKa oh my god, this soUnds fliPPin’ aWesome!)

I ’ve never p layed th is French DOS game from 1989, but th is just gave me a nerd freakout: “American footbal l with ro l ler-skat ing ”. Holy bal ls , Megaman! This v io lent sport of the future (which is around 2002 i f you are p lay ing at home) is p layed on a c i rcular skat ing r ink where two teams of f ive p layers try to put a bal l into the hole, which marks a score. Other p layers try to d is lodge the bal l by absolutely wai l ing the crap out of them in beaut i fu l 16-bit g lory. So th is game is bas ica l ly ro l ler derby i f the goal of the game was the same as the goal of the Rebels in Star Wars: A New Hope . Sweet.

histor ical f igures i would pick to be on my dodgebal l team

1. spud Webb - nBa Point guard 1985-1998 I t ’s been c l in ica l ly proven that shorter people make for more

d i ff icu lt dodgebal l targets . At a height of a mere 5’7”, he’s the shortest NBA S lam-Dunk Champion in h istory. So, not only wi l l Spud

make for a d i ff icu lt target , but he’s a lso l ike ly able to jump over anything thrown his way.

2. zulu Chieftain, shaka zulu Shaka is one of h istory ’s most br i l l iant batt le tact ic ians and f iercest warr iors . He str ikes fear in a l l who oppose him, as he seeks the same goal in every batt le : tota l annihi lat ion.

3. B.f. skinner, Behavioral Psychologist I f anyone can f ind predictabi l i ty in an opponent ’s behavior and exploit i t ; i t would be B.F. He doesn’t hold anything back e i ther - he even tested one of h is invent ions on his infant daughter.

Joe Beno’s Top 3

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L a s t m o n t h ’ s W i n n e r ! - n at e W. f rom ioWa “ then we ran into a bear. he was a hairy bear, he was a scary bear, We beat a hasty retreat from his la ir. and descr ibed him with adject ives. .”

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W i n a t-s h i r t

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Somehow I managed to over look or avoid the sensory exper ience that i s descr ibed as beer pong. I wasn’t doing i t when I was 15. I wasn’t doing i t when I was 20. I can’t say the opportunity was ever mine. When I th ink about my f i rst n ight at the beer pong table, I can conf ident ly say that th is i s a game that can prove what you’re made of. And then some.

For a br ief moment before heading to the appropr iately named S in B in bar, I wondered i f the c lothes and shoes I wore would get a beer dousing. One should a lways know what k ind of att i re i s appropr iate for the sport they set out to p lay. I went casual and f i t r ight in the scene. I t fe l t l ike a work in progress , a p lace for me to get schooled or f ind h igher meaning. The bar was empty, a new bartender working her f i rst sh i f t , and an old church pew stat ioned against the wal l stared at me as I s ized up the two long , narrow beer pong tables s ide-by-s ide in the same room.

I s ip a B lue Moon to warm up and unwind. Our opponents Natal ie and Mike arr ived ready to p lay, but Dan and I were in no hurry. Whi le serv ing up a Guinness to Mike, the bartender recognizes Natal ie and within seconds the two are ta lk ing about their k indergarten connect ion. They assure me they d idn’t learn to p lay beer pong in k indergarten.

After the two former c lassmates caught up on l i fe s ince learning the a lphabet together, everyone’s focus shi f ts back to beer pong. Suppl ies are handed to Mike and he begins arranging ten empty p last ic cups in t ight

format ion, start ing at the edge of the table. He sets up a row of four, then three, two, and one on both s ides. I couldn’t take my eyes off the p i tcher as he poured enough beer into each cup to meet the f i rst f i l l l ine. I ’m reminded of my junior h igh sc ience fa i r days and feel l ike th is i s prep for an exper iment with me as a pr imary subject . How is i t that the p i tcher holds just the r ight amount to f i l l 20 cups?

Territoryby Kr is szatmary Photographs by Natal ie McLaughl in

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Pitcher one – so, this is how we do i t?

Dan and Mike expla in the ins and outs of the game to me in less than two minutes. Mike and Natal ie take their f i rst turn and hit nothing. I throw my f i rst p ing pong bal l and i t soars over the table. My next shot inc ludes a bounce. Dan is doing a l l the work for our team, whi le I t ry to f igure out what I ’m doing wrong. I need better a im and more loft to get the bal l near a cup. The pace of the game is much s lower than I imagined, but maybe that ’s because I ’m ask ing quest ions in-between turns. I thought beer pong would be more l ike a f renzy of back-and-forth beer chugging and rac ing around the table. I stand corrected.

I t doesn’t take long for me to f ind out that your hand gets wet in beer pong. Each team has an extra cup f i l led with lukewarm water that s i ts on the s ide for the bal l wash. One is required to submerge the bal l into the water to ensure “proper hygiene” after the bal l ro l l s on the f loor of the bar or lands in a beer-f i l led cup. A shake of the hand in the a ir doesn’t real ly dry the bal l , so water ro l ls down your wr ist as you take a im. They washed the bar f loor today, r ight? Let ’s keep the bal l in the a ir, a cup, or in our hands people!

Natal ie and Mike are winning , as they are dr ink ing fewer beers than us. The f i rst few cups I dr ink are refreshing , but i t ’s start ing to look l ike we might lose th is round. I threw a shot and watched the bal l twir l in the cup l ike a t i l t-a-whir l . Gett ing the bal l in the cup after just a few too many teasers was a thr i l l . We started to shout, “Pew bal l !” to warn Natal ie and Mike that they needed to act fast or reach deep under the bench to retr ieve a stray bal l . Phew! I don’t want the bal l to go there or under the men’s room door.

We get our money ’s worth on th is f i rst p i tcher. The round nears the end as a neck- in-neck t ie , with one cup left on both s ides. Natal ie c l inches the win with a shot

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that drops, no splash.

Pitcher 2 - techniques

I take on set up for the next round. I get the cups arranged and empty the p itcher equal ly, feel ing l ike a chemist . The match gets underway and I begin pract ic ing my def lect ion and distract ion sk i l l s . When the bal l bounces, i t ’s legal to swat the bal l in an attempt to keep i t f rom landing in a cup. I ’m not a good swatter, but I do start to take my shots faster. Dan and I work out our sneak-attack t iming and the instruct ional d ia logue of the f i rst round is replaced by louder smack ta lk and laughter. Mike makes a demand concerning cup rearrangement, as Natal ie e l iminates them - house, d iamond, long duck dong. I throw a bal l that whizzes around the ins ide r im of the cup and Natal ie promptly b lows on the bal l to try to keep their lead. Obvious ly, th is i sn’t her f i rst t r ip to the beer-pong table. I t i sn’t much longer before Dan and I take the lead. Unexpectedly, Mike knocks over one of our cups. Beer spi l l s a l l

over the table and onto the f loor. Dan fetches a wet rag from the bartender. Game play pauses. My shoes remain dry. I ponder i f you could insta l l a towel bar to a lways have a rag on hand to wipe up spi l l s . The table took a beat ing th is round and so d id Mike and Natal ie . One cup left and my shot goes in with no hes i tat ion or teas ing. I feel l ike a winner! I am buoyant!

Pitcher 3 – al l senses a l ive

We take our t ime sett ing up the last round. Bathroom breaks and a p izza order were h igher pr ior i t ies . Dur ing our lu l l , I ask Mike when he f i rst p layed beer pong. When he reveals that he was f i f teen years o ld, I ’m even more cur ious. This i s a game that needs beer, space, t ime, and leaves behind booze-scented trash. I guess i t ’s one way to stretch a case of beer, but I don’t recal l having that much t ime as an underage imbiber to exper iment with open intoxicants in a sett ing with enough space for a p ing-pong table. In col lege, house part ies had maximum capacity crowds. The k i tchen table was a good spot for quarters and card games l ike Pres ident , but I don’t

recal l any house being known for beer-pong part ies . Beer pong seems to

be better su ited for a group that wants to hang out and not be bothered by other d istract ions. My enl ightened understanding of the game leads me to the conclus ion that hal fhearted part ic ipat ion is unacceptable.

A quick scan of the bar for the f i rst t ime makes me aware that

we’re no longer the only v is i tors to the S in B in. I ’m cur ious i f strangers ever chal lenge each other to p lay beer pong l ike darts or pool? How

does one c la im dibs on the beer pong table? Are we tak ing too long to decide tonight ’s beer pong champs? Just as the act ion gets underway, the bar owner wanders over. A song from

his teenage years p lays . We a l l take

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guesses at who is s inging. Natal ie says , “ Incubus,” and is awarded a shot for her music-tr iv ia mastery. Mike downs the shot and throws the next bal l in rhythmic sequence. Conversat ion about concerts and favor i te bands ensues. The pace of the game feels more natural to me. Another pew bal l needs to be saved. I ’m disgusted when I see a p iece of hair f loat ing in the cup after Natal ie washes the gr ime off the bal l . I ’m surpr ised the beer-pong supply pack doesn’t inc lude hand sanit izer or handi-wipes. Wouldn’t an automated Purel l d ispenser look n ice tak ing up space next to the jukebox?

Natal ie i s on f i re and wins the last round with her sol id a im and most sober des ignat ion. Mike has been dr ink ing a l l of the beer for their team, but i t doesn’t appear to be a punishment. Dan and I are laughing as we take turns t ipping back the last standing cups in record ( for us) t ime. We a l l exchange exuberant h igh f ives and savor our p izza reward.

Comfortably seated with no beer pong table between us, we joke about the game

highl ights and chat more about our favor i te music . Even though the point of the n ight out was to p lay some beer pong , i t feels more l ike an effort less double-date. A few days after we played th is h istor ic match, I real ized that i t ’s a lso a re laxed, fun way to spend t ime gett ing to know another couple and their beer-pong past . We didn’t need to ca l l i t a date n ight , but i t sure fe l t l ike one. My f i rst taste of beer pong – sat isfy ing , re laxed, f r iendly, and headache-free, unt i l the next morning. Whi le I don’t th ink I ’ l l s ign up for the next beer pong tournament or bar league, i t sure is a fun t ime. Let ’s make plans for another foursome soon.

Facebook group of the month: PORTOPONG

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Master DebatersRubber vs. Foam

Ready to be fully wrong, nancy boy? Rubber balls. Hands down.

Alright, old man, prepare to feel the wrath and fury of FOAM.

I know you wore a helmet as a kid, but getting hit with a rubber ball makes you feel alive.

Because the object of the game is to be hit? Right...

The skill comes in the dodge. Try not losing it when a rubber ball is flying at your face.

The skill is in the throw, and with foam balls, it requires a true athelete to handle one.

Foam also requires a lot more effort. Anyone can throw a rubber ball hard and fast.

I don’t like the idea of playing in a league that requires INSURANCE for its participants.

Whatever. It’s also old school. Foam dodgeballs sound like something a concerned parent came up with.

‘Cause old equals good? Rubber balls could have been designed by Joseph Mengele for all we know.

Dude, what did I say about Nazi references? Enough already.

Sorry. That’s the last one. Anyway, foam balls are now standard in most rec leagues.

We’re not ready to decide on this one, so we’ll need a little assist from you the readers. Just jump onto the message board and let your voice be heard. The votes will be tallied and results posted in the July issue.

Last month, we pitted Beirut versus Beer Pong, and the winner was unsurprisingly Beer Pong. Despite the valiant defense put up on behalf of Beirut, it was beaten handily like a rented mule. From now on, historical references are no longer acceptable for games involving plastic cups and light beer.

Master Debaters message board

That standard is guided by protecting players from getting injured.

And that’s a bad thing?

All I have to say is: if it ain’t got that sting, it ain’t the real thing.

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Ever heard of speedbal l? No, not heroin and cocaine together in the same syr inge, a lso sometimes ca l led snowbal l ing , or powerbal l ing (or moonrocks when smoked) . Nor am I referr ing to the type of paintbal l ca l led speedbal l .

This speedbal l combines, into a s ingle sport , the dr ibbl ing and k ick ing of soccer, the catching and throwing of basketbal l , and the k ick ing , pass ing , and catching of footbal l . By being fa i r ly unknown and requir ing such var ied sk i l l s , the game is a great equal izer for students in junior h igh and high school phys ica l educat ion c lasses, where i t ’s pr imar i ly p layed.

“ Those k ids who are athlet ic struggle with i t because of the d i fferent ru les and k ids who are not as g i f ted thr ive in the game due to i ts craz iness ,” sa id Jen Marshal l , phys ica l educat ion teacher and health teacher at Levi P. Dodge Middle School in Farmington, Michigan. “ I love the fast-paced tempo of the game and the students l ike i t because i t ’s something d i fferent for them to p lay.”

Perhaps surpr is ingly, the game has been around s ince the ear ly 1920s. I t was developed by E lmer D. Mitchel l at the Univers i ty of Michigan Director of the

Department of Intramural Sports at the univers i ty and an Associate Professor of Phys ica l Educat ion. I t ’s sa id that he wanted an act ive team game that could be p layed outdoors in the fa l l , combined many of the e lements found in other sports , and was inexpensive to administer. His students knew basketbal l , but d idn’t l ike soccer much. Footbal l , meanwhi le , d idn’t get enough of the p layers involved on a cont inual bas is . Thus, speedbal l was created.

how to Play

Speedbal l can be p layed indoors or outdoors , typica l ly by two 11-person teams. Outdoors , i t ’s usual ly p layed with a soccer-type bal l , whi le indoors a rubber bal l i s used. Some games consist of four 8-minute quarters , whi le others two longer halves.

P layers roam around the f ie ld of p lay in cont inuous motion wear ing f lag-belts l ike those we’ve a l l used when play ing games l ike, f lag footbal l or capture the f lag. Two key concepts within speedbal l help expla in what p layers do whi le running around: the “a ir bal l” and the “ground bal l .”

An a ir bal l means i t ’s caught in the a ir off

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SPEEDBALL!(not the drug)

by Paul o’mara

of the foot of you or another p layer. Once the bal l i s in your hands, you can run, throw i t , pass i t , or t ry to score. I f the opposing team pul ls the f lag off your belt whi le you have the bal l , then the other team gets to take an indirect k ick f rom that spot on the ground. Though i f des ired, th is ru le can be reversed and the carr ier keeps possess ion and gets a k ick . In some var iat ions, p layers can only take one step i f catching the bal l whi le stat ionary and just two steps i f catching on the run.

I t ’s worth not ing that , as i s the case with many obscure and “unoff ic ia l” sports , ru les can vary and even be changed based on how play is progress ing with those involved, or the speci f ic sk i l l being focused on.

“We make a couple of modif icat ions to the game to make i t work with the d i fferent dynamics in a c lass , f rom year to year,” sa id B i l l Mi l ler, phys ica l educat ion teacher at The Wel l ington School in Columbus, Ohio. After f i rst p lay ing i t as a student at The Ohio State Univers i ty, Mi l ler ’s been teaching speedbal l to the school ’s upper and middle PE c lasses for about 20 years .

So, then what about ground bal ls? A ground bal l i s when the bal l touches the ground and is stat ionary, ro l l ing , or bouncing. At th is point , speedbal l somewhat turns into regular soccer. The bal l cannot be p layed with the hands or any part of the arms, and must be k icked or bounced off the body. P layers dr ibble the bal l with their feet down the f ie ld to score or set up an a ir bal l to a teammate.

There is one form of bal l movement unique to speedbal l : the overhead dr ibble. A p layer can throw the bal l up and then run and catch i t before i t str ikes the ground. I t ’s essent ia l ly an a ir bal l to one’s se l f. But the ru les usual ly a l low a p layer to do th is only once dur ing h is/her possess ion of the bal l . And again, ru les vary, so some don’t even a l low the overhead dr ibble at a l l .

L ike in soccer, the goal ie i s a l lowed to p ick up the bal l off the ground anywhere in the penalty box. The goal ie can run out of the box and attempt to score, but h is/her f lag belts can then be pul led l ike any other p layer.

scoring is done in one of three ways:

• F ie ld goal : 5 points for k ick ing the bal l through the upr ights of goal posts (or whatever i s being used as goal posts , whether i t ’s the area above soccer goals or tape on a gym wal l ) .

• Drop k ick: 3 points for k ick ing a soccer goal ( i .e . , k icked under the cross bar and between the upr ights) f rom a ground bal l or a missed f ie ld goal .

• Touchdown: 1 point for running over the goal l ine for a touchdown or throwing the bal l to a teammate behind the goal l ine.

In some rules the points wi l l instead be 3, 2 , and 1, respect ively, or even be reversed. For example, i f a PE teacher wants students to work on their running and throwing more than k ick ing , he or she would make touchdowns worth more, and the students would thereby be more l ike ly to try for those instead. However the scor ing is set up, there’s a lot of i t .

“ I t i s extremely h igh-scor ing and one team is never real ly out of i t , s ince mult ip le

31

points can be awarded for d i fferent k inds of goals ,” sa id Mi l ler.

The game starts with e i ther a f ree k ick or ( l ike in basketbal l ) a jump bal l f rom the center of the f ie ld or court . A jump bal l can a lso be used to put the bal l back into p lay after the score has been t ied up, i f there are off-sett ing penalt ies , or when the referee cannot determine who gets the bal l . After a score, l ike in soccer the scored-upon team gets the bal l at hal f-f ie ld for a k ick off.

Beyond breaking these var ious ru les , other v io lat ions are most ly of the common-sense k ind. I l legal use of the hands, pushing , a hand bal l , or intent ional ly pul l ing off the f lags of a p layer not in possess ion of an a ir bal l result in an indirect k ick off the ground for the other team. Unsportsmanl ike conduct , delay of game, or dangerous p lay penalt ies g ive the opponent a “free p lay ” where they can run, pass , shoot, or k ick the bal l , uncontested.

But hold on: amazingly, that ’s not yet a l l the ru les! When play ing outdoors on a soccer f ie ld , a few more soccer- l ike aspects are added. For example, missed shots at the goal result in goal k icks , throw-ins are done when the bal l goes out of bounds, and corner k icks are awarded when the defense k icks or throws the bal l over their own end l ine. A l l just l ike soccer.

There are a lso a few indoor-speci f ic ru les . A l l penalty k icks are indirect regardless of the infract ion. (For those obl iv ious to soccer ru les , “ indirect ” means the bal l has to touch someone after the k ick before points can be scored.) The goals are typica l ly tumbl ing mats standing up at opposite ends of the gym, or large rectangles out l ined by tape on the wal ls . And whi le p layers can catch a ir bal ls off the s ide wal ls , i f the bal l touches the cei l ing , p lay stops and the team that d idn’t h i t the cei l ing is awarded an indirect k ick d irect ly under the spot where i t h i t .

Complicated? yes. But Worth i t .

“I remember a lot of k ids having problems keeping the ru les stra ight – especia l ly in terms of when you can touch the bal l with your hands,” says John Van S lyke, a Mi lwaukee res ident who played in h is school days. “Of course, when you’re in junior h igh, having your c lassmates mess up and get f rustrated is at least hal f the fun of any act iv i ty.”

The compl icated nature of speedbal l i s certa in ly a chal lenge, but for i ts proponents that ’s far outweighed by the strengths: uniqueness, quick and frequent possess ion changes, and the abi l i ty to incorporate everyone into the f low of the game.

“ The th ing k ids l ike about speedbal l i s that i t i s a ‘new ’ game [to them] that employs a unique and chal lenging combinat ion of so many di fferent sk i l l s that they learn growing up play ing var ious youth sports ,” says John Pamperin, teacher in the School Distr ict of Bel lev i l le , a smal l rura l d istr ict located in south-centra l Wisconsin. “ I t can be very compet it ive, yet encourages teams to learn to work together. The game a lso accommodates a var iety of athlet ic abi l i ty levels .”

But with compl icated rules , no profess ional league, and seemingly few intramural leagues, speedbal l might be one sport that i s dest ined to remain re lat ively obscure.

“ I t ’s a great sport to t ie a lot of sk i l l s together, but I remember i t as something we learned how to p lay and then only went back to infrequent ly,” says Van S lyke. “Because i t ’s a mash-up of sports with many rules , i t can be confus ing. Who wants to have to th ink that much when play ing something for fun? ”

I f you th ink you’re up to the chal lenge, get a few fr iends together and try speedbal l . (But not the drug. Drugs are bad.)

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33Go to their website to learn more: www.kanjam.com

1/2 PAGE... by Jodi Neitzel

Kan Jam is played with a disc and two “Kans” aka, goals, set 50-feet apart. The game is played in teams of two, alternating as thrower and deflector. The object of the game is to score points by throwing/deflecting the disc and hitting or entering the goal.

A disc toss determines which team throws first; the winner typically chooses to throw last, known as “The Hammer.” An equal number of turns are played, similar to innings in baseball. Partners stand at opposite goals, alternating throwing and deflecting. One partner throws the flying disc toward the Kan and the other partner, the “deflector”, helps guide it towards or into the goal.

Teams score points with direct hits to the Kan or deflecting the disc in the goal. A redirected hit by the deflector is called a Dinger- worth 1 point, a direct hit to the Kan by the thrower is 2 points- Deuce, and a drop in the Kan is worth 3 points- a Bucket. Deflectors cannot double-hit, catch, or carry the disc. Deflectors can move anywhere within the playing area to redirect the disc, but throwers must stand behind the goal area to throw. The game ends when a team scores exactly 21 points or an “Instant Win” is scored, which occurs when a disc is successfully thrown through the front slot of the Kan.

The 2010 World Championship is being held August 14 in North Tonawanda, New York. Event organizers expect over 250 teams.

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Women seeking men

Let’s play office. I’ll be the secretary and you are the boss. You can jam up my Inbox anytime. I take great dictation. Don’t forget to tell me you need it on your desk in the morning. #83493 Single-girl looking for someone to help butter her muffins. Seriously, I broke my elbow. I need help with a lot of things. #9762

I’m looking for a sugar daddy and I’m not talking about the candy. I like to buy things and don’t like to work. Want to support me as I work for a magazine that doesn’t pay my mortgage? Picking up bar tabs is a big plus. #80920 Lost is over and I am looking for my Hurley. Must be big and lovable with an ability to work the word “dude” into any conversation. Being a lottery winner doesn’t hurt. I am serious about the Hurley thing, I am into it. #957312

men seeking Women

5 men looking for 3 women who wouldn’t mind taking some balls to the face. We might even play dodgeball too. #62717

I like to be squished, stepped on, and squeezed. Tough on the outside with a soft middle. Use me for any purpose, but don’t treat me like a rubber ball. I like to be held. Let’s make contact. #85903

Need a body painter partner for the world naked bike ride events in June. Hoping to cycle nude in at least two rides. Would love to ride painted together, but understand if you’re not ready to bare it all. #54011 I like foam. Not latex foam. Just foam. Give me some foamy love and you won’t be disappointed. Don’t squirrel around, just call. #492187

men seeking men

New bar in town I would love to take someone to soon. I’m on the prowl for a big bad grizzly bear. Rarrrr! #73820 Never picked first, ridiculed, or told to take a shower? We were meant to be together. Call me for some indoor games. You bring the rubber balls, I’ll steal the bacon. #21129

Searching for my Kickball Queen- Me- awesome at life: aka - kickball

domination. You- not fat, must be hot, good at sports, willing to take orders and pick me up when too drunk to drive. No naggers.

group Play

Looking for a foursome? Look no further. Cool couple with good table manners seeking M/F or F/F couple to play some beer pong. No experience required, but must be willing to blow or finger for your team. #73820

missed connections

I showed you my barbwire tattoo around my arm and you told me it was stupid. When the bar closed you gave me a ride home and I must have left my wallet in your car. I never got your name or phone number. I hope to find you. I had to cancel my credit cards because there was an expensive bill from Dairy Queen. #73820

classifiedGet out of my dreams and into my 1983 Honda Civic. $175 or best offer. #95782

For sale, slightly used Copas. Minor wear & tear. Nothing a roll of tape couldn’t fix. Asking $50. #75930

Looking for that special someone or want to leave us a message?

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PERSONALS

FINAL WORD

35

I saw you lying there.

Beaten, worn, torn, tattered and taped.

Tongue hanging out.

Exhausted.

15 years of comfort.

Gone.

It’s time.

Sorry,

Amazon had a sale.

TORN by Daniel B Glass

Address Label

Coming Up Next Month: Quitting - A guest contributor quits one obscure sport to play another

Mind bender - what goes through this kickballer’s head before he kicks

wiffleball - more than meets the eye

virgin territory - Jodi gets hooked on kickball

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