PARASHAT VAYEIRA • 5779 • VOL. 9 NO. 5

A glance at the new-releases shelf tells us everything we need to know about the latest book crazes and popular styles. Titles like 7 Steps to Success or 5 Master Keys to a Meaningful Relationship have become the standard format for marketing a bestseller. This is for good reason: our lives are so very hectic that we crave a concrete road map for achieving whatever skill we find necessary right now. Nothing appeals more than a step-by-step guide by which we can track our progress in real time.

But while a quick fix sounds great, it is also precisely the simplicity and easy premise of these books and approaches that eventually hampers the results. We begin enthusiastically with the few quick and easy steps, only to soon discover life’s many challenges and complications. When success does not come soon enough, we gradually lose interest. Other times, we find quick results, but those “five keys” end up being “five keys too many” to consistently keep up with. Again, we lose our resolve and start looking for the next quick fix.

A therapist friend once told me after completing an expensive training course that he was now ready to teach others his new skill set. I asked him, “Surely you will get some experience first?” He jokingly replied that the idea was to learn the course and then enthusiastically encourage new students to sign up; actually practicing the therapy wasn’t as lucrative or easy.

This week’s parashah tells us that God appeared to Abraham while “he was sitting (yoshev) at the entrance to his tent during the hottest part of the day” (Genesis 18:1). The word yoSheV implies waiting a very long time, as in “You dwelled (veteiShVu) in Kadesh many days” (Deuteronomy 1:46). Abraham was not just physically sitting — he was waiting and waiting for a spiritual success, he was waiting to make a lasting

change. “During the hottest part of the day” — all the while, his physical desires were burning passionately within him, but he didn’t care. He stayed resolute despite his physicality screaming contradictory messages.

The key to real change is being able to consistently yearn, desire and dream about becoming a different person, despite feeling opposing and contradictory passions, desires and temptations. Just because our actions imply that we are no closer to the goal doesn’t mean we aren’t closer to the goal! The closer we get to the “entrance of the tent” — to real, internal change — the greater are the counter-forces seeking to deter us. We may be mere inches from the finish line, but sadly turn back at the very last moment.

I remember once being challenged in a certain way and struggling with something for many years. I finally accepted that no matter if I faltered again and again, I wanted to change and would not be put down by those temporary roadblocks, no matter how long they lasted. I would continue to hope and pray for change and take pride in this decision, knowing that God appreciated every drop of effort I invested into this endeavor. It was precisely at that point that I felt the power to finally accomplish what had always eluded me. Shortly after, I was finally successful.

If we’re willing take the few moments to contemplate what is really important and missing in our lives, we can resolve to become different and happier people. We have nothing to fear and there is no place for guilt feelings. All we need is a good measure of holy chutzpah and a stubborn attitude. May we muster up this courage and hang in there until we merit experiencing “And God appeared to him.” Amen!

Based on Likutey Halakhot, Hilkhot Ishut 4, 10-19

The Real Master KeyBy Yossi Katz

In a sense, it’s much easier to pray for strangers than to pray for someone you know. There’s nothing to hold against a stranger, no reason to wish him any harm. But when it comes to someone you’ve had dealings with, someone who has tried to harm you—that good-for-nothing bum, he can drop… No reason to finish the thought and every reason to change it, as Abraham our first patriarch did.

The Zohar teaches that there are two areas of life in which one must excel in order to be a tzaddik. One is sexual morality and the other is the giving of tzedakah (charity). Abraham was a champion of both. God rewarded him with the gift and privilege of brit milah because Abraham understood that without being chaste, one could not achieve the quietude of mind necessary for experiencing God’s Presence.

Abraham also understood that in order to experience God, one has to behave like God. So he raised a tent, open to all four directions—north, south, east and west—and invited in any and all comers, providing them with free food, drink and lodging. The Sodomites who lived down the road a stretch behaved in quite the opposite fashion. They were excessive and abusive in their sexuality. Wayfarers who blundered into Sodom did not always leave alive. If they did, they certainly had no desire to return.

Even though the lifestyle and philosophy of the Sodomites was directly opposed to that of Abraham, when God told Abraham that the Sodomites were to be destroyed, Abraham argued strenuously that they should be spared. He tried again and again to have them acquitted. Although his prayers did not save the Sodomites, they provide protection for Abraham’s descendants until today.

Later, Abimelekh stole Abraham’s wife, Sarah. Yet when the king returned Sarah to her husband, Abraham prayed for Abimelekh and all the members of the royal household. With his prayer, Abraham was able to “untangle the tangle” of confused principles caused by Adam’s sin.

For those of us who like to start the day early, Abraham did some of his best praying at the “top o’ the morning,” as night turns into day.

From “Where Earth and Heaven Kiss:A Guide to Rebbe Nachman’s Path of Meditation”

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CONFESSION. 1. It is a good thing to pour out your heart and confess all your sins before a Torah scholar. Sin is in essence a denial of Godliness. Therefore, when a person confesses his sins, it is an acknowledgement of the sovereignty of God. God’s sovereignty is then exalted and restored to its root, and the power of the forces denying Godliness is broken.

Through confessing in this way and expressing what is in your heart, you will eventually come to understand how everything that happens is for your own good. You will acknowledge that “God is good and does good.” This is the formula of the blessing we make upon hearing good news. Today, we still have a separate blessing for news that is not good. But our Sages said that in time to

come, there will be only one blessing, the one for good news (Pesachim 50a). This will be when we will realize that everything is for the best. To achieve this realization is to have a taste of the World to Come (Likutey Moharan I, 4:3).

2. The sins a person commits are engraved upon his very bones (Ezekiel 32:27) But when he confesses them before a Torah scholar, the

entire accumulation of evil engraved on his bones is lifted. All his sins are forgiven and atonement is granted (Likutey Moharan I, 4:5).

Advice (Likutey Etzot) translated by Avraham Greenbaum

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Dedicated in the Memory of (L’ilui nishmat) Yehudis bat Shimon

Abraham’s PrayersBy Ozer Bergman