AMCstudents Parent CUE Entourage:  Week  One  (4/8/14)  We’re Teaching This: When  we  hear   the  word  entourage,  most  of  us   think  of   celebrities  walking  the  streets  of  Beverly  Hills,  barking  orders  at  their  “people”.  By  definition,  an  entourage  is  a  group  of  people  attending  or  surrounding  an  important  person.  Even  if  we  don’t  feel  important,  most  of  us  want  at  least  a  handful  of  people  who   like   to   hang   around   us—people   who   laugh   at   our   jokes,   go   to   the  movies,  and  have  our  back.  King  David,  his  son  Absalom,  and  his  grandson  Rehoboam  were  no  different.  Each  had  an  entourage  and  through  them  we  see  that  the  choices  we  make  with  those  around  us  can  change  everything.    

Think About This: A  quick  Internet  search  reveals  the  worries  many  parents  feel  when  it  comes  to  their  teen’s  friends.  “How  to  spot  a  bully”…   “A   bad   influence”…   “The  wrong   crowd”.   There   is   plenty   to   worry   about   when   it   comes   to   your   child’s  friends.  But  what   if   you  have  more   influence   than   you   think?  What   if   you  were   able   to   not   only   help   your   teen  choose  friends,  but  to  directly  influence  the  life  choices  those  friends  make?  More  and  more  studies  say  you  can.    

A  study  published  in  the  archives  of  Pediatric  and  Adolescent  Medicine  suggests  that  teens  with  friends  who  have  strict  parents  are  less  likely  to  binge  drink  and  make  other  poor  life  choices.    

Think  about  that.  The  students  in  this  study  were  most  influenced  by  their  friends’  parents,  not  just  their  friends.  In  fact,  you  probably  don’t  need  a  lot  of  research  to  know  this.  Have  you  ever  heard  someone  say,  “She  is  like  a  second  mother  to  me”?  Probably  so.  Many  of  us  grew  up  with  at  least  one  set  of  friend’s  parents  who  influenced  us.  Part  of  maturing   is   beginning   to   listen   to   multiple   voices,   multiple   adult   influences.   As   parents   we   have   an   incredible  opportunity  to  speak  into  our  own  children’s  lives  by  using  our  influence  to  guide  their  friends.  

Having  influence  on  your  child’s  friends  doesn’t  mean  you  have  to  be  the  “cool  one”.  It  doesn’t  mean  you  have  to  host  or  allow  parties  and  be  their  best  buddy.  It  also  doesn’t  mean  you  have  the  legally  adopt  them  or  have  them  over  every  night.  Having  influence  is  as  simple  as  taking  one  step  toward  including  a  friend  in  your  normal  plans.    

• Invite   them   in.   Invite   your   teen’s   friends   to   spend   time   at   your   house.   You   don’t   have   to   do   anything  special  or  make  a  five  star  dinner.  For  a  lot  of  students,  the  concept  of  a  normal  (even  boring)  family  dinner  is  almost  unimaginable.  Simply  being  in  a  home  with  someone  other  than  their  own  parents  can  offer  them  a  different  perspective  on  things  like  marriage,  work,  family,  and  decision-­‐making.  So  don’t  feel  the  need  to  put  on  a  show  or  have  the  most  fun  house  on  the  block.  Just  allow  someone  else  to  be  a  part  of  it.  

• Invest   in   them.   Invest   time  and  energy   in  your   teen’s   friends.  Talk  with   them,  ask  questions,  and   listen.  Teens  are  often  more  likely  to  open  up  to  other  parents  than  their  own.  Do  you  know  how  to  fix  a  car,  bake  a   cake,   fish,   play   tennis,   or   scrapbook?   Show   them!  The  best   conversations   take  place  while  working  on  something.  They’ll  appreciate  the  skill  and  your  own  teen  is  more  likely  to  join  if  their  friends  are  involved.    

Try This Think  about  the  friends  your  teen  already  spends  time  around.  How  intentional  are  you  about  investing  time  in  those  people?  Is  there  one  teen  you  could  invite  to  dinner,  to  hang  out,  or  to  be  helpful?  Use  the  boxes  below  to  help  you  figure  out  how  you  can  be  intentional  with  your  teen’s  friends.    

                 

My  teen  spends  the  most  time  with…  1._____________________    2.______________________    3._____________________  

 One  friend  I  can  pray  for  this  week  

is    

_______________________  

 One  friend  I  can  

invite  and  invest  in  this  month  is  

 ______________________