Parenting Gifted Children

Anne Wolf - Ricks Center for Gifted ChildrenNovember 14, 2017

Parenting is first…

• …the gifted kid part is second!

Parenting factors that lead to student success

•Love and affection. "You support and accept the child, are physically affectionate, and spend quality one-on-one time together.”

•Stress Management. "You take steps to reduce stress for yourself and your child, practice relaxation techniques, and promote positive interpretations of events.”

•Relationship skills. "You maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other, or co-parent and model effective relationship skills with others.”

•Autonomy and Independence. "You treat your child with respect and encourage him or her to become self-sufficient and self-reliant.”

•Education and learning. "You promote and model learning and provide educational opportunities for your child.”

6 Life skills. "You provide for your child, have a steady income, and plan for the future.”

7 Behavior management. "You make extensive use of positive reinforcement.”

8 Health. "You model a healthy lifestyle and good habits, such as regular exercise and proper nutrition.”

9 Religion. "You support spiritual or religious development and participate in spiritual or religious activities.”

10 Safety. "You take precautions to protect your child and maintain awareness of the child's activities and friends."

Traits of Giftedness

Unusual alertness, even in infancy I’m sorry… You already know about the singular lack of sleep some

parents of gifted kids endure.

Rapid learner; puts thoughts together quickly

Fast doesn’t mean thorough, however. Ask your child to wait a few seconds before

answering to allow for more ideas. Fast doesn’t mean right or better, either.

Excellent memory

They can use that against you, you know…

Unusually large vocabulary and complex sentence structure for age

Play word games - lots of them. Enjoy rhyming and rapping and lyrics and talk.

Advanced comprehension of word nuances, metaphors and abstract ideas

Check often for meaning. They might know the mountains, cities, towns, but not the name of the space between Denver and Colorado Springs. No one ever defined “state” or “border” because the balance of the discussion was so high.

Enjoys solving problems, especially with numbers and puzzles

Let them find their way, especially with things they have to struggle through.

Play Bananagrams where you aren’t done the first time you make words.

Provide problems, encourage critical thinking skills, and practice defining a problem then coming up with unusual ways to solve them

Often self-taught reading and writing skills as preschooler

Praise the effort, not the smarts. Remember that these are skills, so emphasize

using the skills rather than the fact the kids have them. Learning to read early means there are worlds open sooner; understanding math means you can use another language to describe the world.

Deep, intense feelings and reactions

These can be scary because they are so intense. The feelings are feelings - they won’t cause harm. Those who can feel grief deeply can also feel joy intensely.

Talk about the appropriate reactions to the emotions. If those are outside of the normal range, be the parent and seek help before they become ingrained.

Highly sensitiveTo everything. Believe it…

Minimize exposure to those things that push your kid - and you - over the edge if

you can, and consider therapy if they are unavoidable. Try it before it becomes

debilitating to your kid

Sounds - huddled beneath the bleachers at a football game during the flyover

Touch - no jeans until high school - too scratchy and rough

Light - the flickering of fluorescent bulbs can drive them crazy

Smells - those cinnamon pinecones… heaven help me

Hunger - the Snickers commercials were written for my kid. I just keep fruit in the car, now - finally - since she is 26

Friendships - He looked at me.Talk it through, act it out, practice what to

say next, read good fiction and see what the protagonists try

Inequities in society - What can be done one person at a time - Boxes of granola bars or cans of tuna in the backseat to be distributed by the child

Thinking is abstract, complex, logical, and insightful

It seems to come from an older person. However, remember that they can do it but not believe it. “I can argue for all of those gray areas in Great Expectations, but I don’t believe any of them. It is right or it is wrong.” The thinking is college level but the moral development was appropriate to the 14 year old saying it.

Concern with social and political issues and injustices

Be aware that gifted kids who are highly tuned to injustice can be highly sensitive to not being able to fix the problem.

They also hear everything, see everything, but may not be emotionally able to process it.

Consider turning off the radio in the car, limit the amount of news on the television and computer, watch the newspaper

Idealism and sense of justice at early age

Volunteer- they can help in a corner of the world

Longer attention span and intense concentration

They really didn’t hear you when you called… for the fifth time… to come down to school.

Talk about how they want to be ‘warned’ for transitions - timer, buzz, voice.

Talk about why it matters to be able to transition, but make sure there are long uninterrupted chunks of time regularly. The car and a screen doesn’t count…

Preoccupied with own thoughts—daydreamer

Journals are a great way to keep those thoughts - written, computer, via voice app, photos

Learn basic skills quickly and with little practice

That doesn’t mean that they learn everything that way, so plan on something that will require practice - art, music, sports. Make them stick with it even if they aren’t successful

Asks probing questionsYou may say that you don’t know - a great skill

for every kid to practice, and then research it together. You may also suggest writing down that concern and investigating it when they get a little older.

Wide range of interests (or extreme focus in one area)

Request some completion for the wide-range kid, though. Finish this project then switch gears

Highly developed curiosityRead, visit museums, travel, talk, try classes

Interest in experimenting and doing things differently

This is a great way to teach kids to successfully fail. Have them explain why they think this will work, what they predict will come next, why it didn’t work and how to change it next time. It is messy; that’s the point!

Puts idea or things together that are not typical

If you don’t get it, ask. Encourage taking intellectual and academic risks.

Keen and/or unusual sense of humor

Don’t foster the acid edge of sarcasm, though. It doesn't’ hurt less coming from a 12 yr old, and adolescence is tough enough as it is without adding those barriers.

Talk about who would appreciate that joke or observation. Suggest writing it down if the audience isn’t right for the humor.

Desire to organize people/things through games or complex schemas

Find age peers and “idea peers.” Just because they like to do it doesn’t mean they get to do it if it doesn’t work for your house.

Be sure they are aware they are doing that though. Playing the valedictorian game is one thing if you know it is a game; it is another if you won’t take the tough and interesting classes because it could affect your GPA. Parent perspectives is great here

Vivid imaginations (and imaginary playmates when in preschool)

And in elementary school and in middle school and in high school. Foster it through

journalling, art, music, movie making

And a couple negatives:

Perfectionism - if I try it and I fail, then I’m not really as smart as they say that I am. Admit your mistakes and show that you try again. Try something new together with your child - and make mistakes. Fail. Try it again. Try reading When Good Isn’t Good

Enough. Therapy before it is debilitating.

Anxiety - exacerbated when one is out of step with one’s peers. Take steps whether or not the kid says she or he wants to go. Gifted teens are high risk because they often don’t fit with their age peers, especially in high school.

Masking - using the words to mask the issue. Often learning disorders aren’t recognized before MS or HS because kids can compensate so well. They can talk a good game. Put on your own gifted detective hat and don’t fall for the show.

Manipulating - if it works, they will keep doing it. Remember what you were like at 10 or 12 or 16, know that chances are pretty good that your kid has seen more than you did and has heard more than you heard at that age, and every kid will test the limits. Developmentally, the world revolves around a preschooler - and a teenager - so take what comes home with a handful of salt.