PANGUR

BAN PARTY

Doubts I Love

http://www.pangurbanparty.com

Jillian Clark

but nothing ever

there is enough cat hair on this desk

for every one of my ribs and then some

i'm just kidding i wouldn't have written this if i was fourteen

i would make the poem go in one direction

like a bored star

at the start of the next stanza

i would say something like

you see, you never wanted any poems

and i would say 'this is what i have'

and you would fall asleep or maybe i would fall asleep

i pretended that i was asleep when you read my favorite book out loud

the honesty of the moment almost made me sad

the pressure of your arm on my back was

something new, i guess

it's strange

i am learning all of your rhythms and that's something new, i guess

i am dreaming that i am too forward with everyone

that my breasts are mirrors to look through

if i stop writing poetry now then i will have given in

and that math course i have to take next year will cause me to suffer

we were sitting across from each other at waffle house

those big round lights were above your face

you were like a hundred madonnas

it was 2:30 a.m. at waffle house and these girls were singing something holy

i stared at your face and i thought, i am learning about you right now

i want to take the test before i forget everything

i want to write down all of your mnemonic devices

when everything goes to shit can you please be touching my collarbone

walking home at 2:21 a.m. in the rain with christmas lights thinking that i want to recap everything that just happened but deciding against it

occasionally i hear my name

and i think i might be invisible to the people around me

and i am afraid of what they will say

and the quality and tone of their voices

i texted you just to say "what are you doing?"

but it is almost one am and you are probably asleep

someone quiet and invisible with ocean arms to wrap around

that would be nice on this night

i haven't been to the ocean since blood wedding

i was supposed to write

this poem and place this

poem square between

us instead of calling you

i was in love on this day

but nothing ever

i've got no taste for history,

she said, all those treaties

all those sour and self

righteous people. and a

dog could do arithmetic-

don't get me started on

arithmetic. what's the purpose

of a poem if you ring it

dry? a poem is better

left in the sink, not all hung

up from a poplar tree

a poem and a present are better

left unopened

Crispin Best

Portrait of Captain Planet as a Young Man

Captain Planet is outside his ex-girlfriend’s house. He is holding a bag of recycling and looking up at her bedroom window. She isn’t there.

Captain Planet goes to the recycling place. The bins are all different colours. They are covered in snow. He puts each thing from his bag into the correct bin. He doesn't know what will happen to these things after he puts them in the bins. He feels strange.

Captain Planet sits down on the curb and looks around and there is a small rat on a pile of garbage. The rat is not interested in Captain Planet.

Captain Planet starts to walk to the park. Cars are driving very slowly. On the pavement, Captain Planet stays as far away from the shops as possible. He doesn't want any automatic doors to open unnecessarily. It would be a terrible waste of electricity.

Captain Planet walks around the park for a long time. There are lots of birds. They are excited about something. It is very cold. Captain Planet looks down at his red bellytop and underpants and sighs.

Captain Planet thinks about his ex-girlfriend. He asked her not to use the hairdryer so much and she still used the hairdryer so Captain Planet split up with her. Captain Planet probably wishes he hadn't.

Captain Planet sits down on a bench. People are jogging through the park. It is too cold to jog. There is a plastic bag hanging from a branch like a chicken.

 

Captain Planet goes home.

Captain Planet’s parents are away for the weekend. He feels good about that. When he gets home the heating is on so he turns it off. He stands in the kitchen and feels strange. Everything is a waste of electricity. He unplugs the television and sits down on the sofa.

The lights are all off. The heating is off. Captain Planet puts on a jumper. He gets under a blanket. He goes to sleep.

When he wakes up, there is a half-eaten tin of macaroni cheese next to the sofa. Captain Planet doesn’t remember eating any macaroni cheese.

Captain Planet drinks some fruit juice. He realises the fridge is using electricity. There is nothing important in the fridge. Captain Planet turns the fridge off at the wall.

Captain Planet smells terrible. There is lots of washing up to do. Captain Planet has an idea. He puts the dirty dishes on the floor in the shower. Captain Planet feels very proud of his idea as he has a shower.

The food from the plates clogs up the plughole. Captain Planet feels terrible.

Captain Planet leaves the dishes and the foodwater in the shower and dries himself off. He looks at himself pulling at his hair in the mirror. His hair always looks ridiculous.

Captain Planet goes and sits back on the sofa. He gets under a blanket and feels strange. It is cold. Two days ago he built a snowman. He thinks about taking a scarf off of a snowman. He feels uncomfortable about the idea. He would feel like a pervert.

Captain Planet thinks about his ex-girlfriend and looks at his phone. He headbutts his knee a bit and makes a decision.

Captain Planet goes back to the park. More people are jogging. There are icy puddles on the ground. He is worried for the people and for the puddles.

He feels strange again. He is sure there is no way he can use electricity in the park. This makes him feel more relaxed. He blows into his hands. The birds are quieter today.

Captain Planet wants to phone his ex-girlfriend. He looks at his phone. He puts his phone in his pocket. Then he looks at it again. Then he puts it in his bag.

People are walking their dogs. The dogs are chasing sticks. Whenever the dog gets a stick, Captain Planet feels much better. The person throws the stick and the dog runs and runs and gets the stick and everyone is happy.

Captain Planet watches this happening and starts to feel better.

There is a woman. She throws a stick and her dog just looks up at her. The dog sits there. It is so awful.

Captain Planet’s phone starts ringing. He feels a little bit sick. He tries to find his phone in his bag. When he finds the phone, the screen blinks off. Captain Planet pulls a face. He tries to turn it back on. The battery is dead. It doesn't turn back on.

Captain Planet looks at his dead phone in his hand. He is making faces at his phone.

In the distance, geese are angry in the pond.

Captain Planet looks at his phone.

A dog is making a noise. The plastic bag is still in the tree.

Captain Planet has no idea what to do.

He looks around. He is not sure what he is looking at. He sits on the bench and looks around.