עץ החיים

We are finally here in the great month of Elul.

I CAN STILL HEAR the words of מו''ר הגרח''פ שיינברג

ringing in my ears. Rav Sheinberg was close to זצוק''ל

one hundred years old, and with his soft voice he would

repeat to us the words, "Elul – Ani l’Dodi V’Dodi Li." "I

am for my Beloved and my Beloved is for me"…

What does this mean?

This translates to mean

that during Elul it is a

special time of bonding,

and gaining a closer

relationship between us

and Hashem! It is an

exceptional time of year,

an opportunity to

achieve greatness. "I am

for my Beloved and my

Beloved is for me!

I HEARD A GREAT

VORT, from a close

relative of mine, who

explained something

that is alluded to in the

words – לדודי ודודי ליאני . If you take a look, first it says

which is what I put in during this month on ,''אני לדודי''

behalf of my Beloved - the Rebono Shel Oilum. Only

after, will Hashem pull us through and give us aid - and

that's the ''ודודי לי'' .

LIKE A STORY THAT my relative told me about my

great-grandfather, about when he was in his old age and

it was very difficult for him to walk. Once, when he got

to Shul after one of his strenuous walks, the Rov asked

him, "Tell me, how do you manage such a tough walk at

your age?" My great-grandfather responded "In truth, to

start my walk is very very difficult, however once I get

started, the momentum keeps me moving and it

becomes not so difficult anymore." This is the לדודי אני

ודודי לי ← .

WHY ARE THE WORDS "Ani L’dodi V’dodi Li" in the

singular form? The reason is because during Elul, we

must evaluate our own personal relationship with

Hashem. We are not here to fix everyone else, we are

here to fix ourselves.

The חפץ חיים spent his entire life working on himself,

more and more and more. The חפץ חיים was known to

lock himself in a room and cry bitter tears of תשובה. What

does תשובה mean? תשובה means returning to Hashem and

ridding oneself of his עבירות. It is a lifetime’s work.

In the "ספר "מאיר עיני ישראל they bring from HaRav

Mordechai Prizal, a Talmid of the Chofetz Chaim, who

said that not once did he ever hear his Rebbe give over a

Halachic discourse.

Never. Rav Prizal related

that he remembers how

they told in his time, that

when the חפץ חיים finished

writing the ספר משנה ברורה

they made a special סעודה.

By the סעודה one of the

elders that were חשובה

there said to the חפץ חיים

“Nu, mistama the Rebbe

is going to give us

something from

Halachah? The חפץ חיים

listened and shook his

head affirmatively. All

who were there

immediately became quite

and leaned toward the חפץ חיים eager to hear this once in

a lifetime occasion. The Chofetz Chaim began to speak,

“The Rambam Paskens in Hilchos תשובה that a Yid is

obligated to do תשובה… and for the rest of the time, all

the חפץ חיים spoke about was the ענין of strengthening

themselves in תשובה…

IT IS NOT A COINCIDENCE that the Parsha of

''Shoftim '' – comes out right at the start of אלול which is

the month of the preparation for the real judgement on

אש השנהר עלינו לטובההבא – .

The עבודה of the month of Elul is to come closer to

Hashem by looking at our daily lives and finding ways

that we can improve for the better. Obviously, most of

the time, we should not to make drastic changes from one

second to the next since usually it won't last. Rather, we

should find ways to move up on the ladder step by step,

ultimately reaching the huge drastic changes for the

better.

Rav Yitzchok Zilberstien related the following story:

Please read but not during חזרת הש"ץ or קריאת התורה.

-English Weekly-

I am Beloved!

Year 7 Issue #297

“A young man told me that he was really struggling in

many areas and whenever he had hardships he would

accept upon himself all sorts of קבלות that were far

beyond his capabilities. “After a while” he said “I saw I

never kept to any of my קבלות, so I figured I will stop

taking upon myself anything in the first place.

However, after more thought I realized that

this wasn’t what Hashem wanted from me

either. The next time I saw myself in a

troubling situation, I realized that

Hashem wanted something more from

me to accept upon myself. However, I

did not want to make the same errors

I had made in the past. I thought and

thought it through. What could I

possibly accept upon myself? I looked

in many מוסר ספרים and tried to figure

something out, until I came across the

following Passuk טוב אחרית דבר מראשיתו

based on this I decided to accept upon myself just

one thing, to have כוונה in the words of מודה אני when I

wake up in the morning. Am I so terrible that I can’t do

this one “small” קבלה? I accepted this upon myself and I

saw that this served as a catapult to an amazing growth

in my 'עבודת ה throughout the rest of my day and my life

was changed completely since I began this קבלה."

THE FIRST ASPECT OF תשובה IS THE DESIRE to

change. Why is this? Because if we have the passion to

change we will make the goals in the first place.

THE FOLLOWING SHORT STORY brings out the

which is the yearning תשובה of this first step of חשיבות

to become greater. There was a very pious חסיד that once

approached his Rebbe the בעל נתיבות שלום. The חסיד said

“Rebbe, I am afraid that with all my great aspirations in

my life all they will write on my monument will be פה"

told him in reply, “If I נתיבות שלום The .נטמן בעל השאיפות"

would see a קבר with such words I would specifically

want to Daven at such a קבר”.

“Having goals is the pathway to gadlus.”

WE SAY IN THE DAVENING that Hashem is רוצה

which means that He wants our return and it – בתשובה

brings Hashem tremendous נחת when we show we are

making new קבלות even that which seem so small to us

and insignificant. There is no such thing as a kabala that

is too small.

REB YISROEL SALANTER once said that it is worth it

for someone to learn מוסר all his life, even if he gets only

one התעוררות of קו"ח !תשובה – all the more so, if we

acquire as much התעוררות as we can, especially now in

the month of the Elul, the preparation before the great

day of judgement, we will be like polished diamonds

when it will come Yom Hadin.

Chazal say that כלפי Hakadosh Boruch Hu, it also applies

the possuk ''דברים י:יז( ''אשר לא ישא פנים ולא יקח שחד( The

obvious question is: What שחד could there possibly be by

!!The signature of Hashem is Emes !?הקב"ה

Rabbeinu Bechaya explains, that if a person did 1000

he can't say, "Well, I'll just knock off ,עבירה and one מצות

one of my a thousand תמצו and it will push away that

cannot מצוה This is not the way it works. A ".עבירה

get knocked away, since שכר מקפח"אין הקב"ה

מצוה on the חרטה unless he has) כל בריה"

and even there you have to know how it

works) and since a צותמ can never get

knocked away so there is only one

other option to knock away the עבירה

that שחד Therefore, this is the .תשובה -

applies to הקב"ה that Hashem will

never take the שחד of a "מצוה" and

"erase" the מצוה in order to make him

clean from the עבירה, this is not the way

it works.

People make a terribly mistake in life. They

see many chazalim that say if you do this or that

you get a clean slate. For example; one who is מעביר על

etc. there are ,ברית is clean, or one who attends a מדותיו

many other examples that Chazal say, which clean a

person from his עבירות. What is their mistake? They think

that it is like a free-bee. I did עבירות, and now I'm clean

without too much effort – I don't even have to do תשובה.

However, ח''ו to think this way, this is the terrible

mistake. What all these Chazalim mean is that if a person

does any of these acts that Chazal mention, PLUS they

do teshuvah, then and only then will they have a clean

slate. This means, if you get embarrassed, and you keep

quiet, plus you had חרטה on your עבירות and made קבלות

for the future with ווידוי, then you are clean. This is how

it works. This is also included in שחד that Hashem doesn't

accept as we mentioned before.

So you'll ask, "If so, what does it have anything to do

with the act that I was מעביר על מידותי that I got clean – it

is because of the תשובה!?"

The answer is simple and clear-cut. In normal

circumstances, it is hard for a person to do תשובה and

although the gates of תשובה are never closed, one has to

put in effort to make a real תשובה. However, chazal say

מסייעים אותו - הבא ליטהר [.שבת קד] . There is another

famous Chazal quoted often, which also teaches us, that

if you open a small opening the size of a needle hole

Hashem will help you further. Whatever it is, the bottom

line is, one needs to do his part of Teshuvah by sincerely

showing Hashem that they are putting in the effort to

change. Now, when Hashem sees that you put in your

effort ''אני לדודי''[] then Hashem will "fill in" and help him

even more like you never imagined. The same applies to

all these chazalim, when a person goes to a Bris, for

example, or is מעביר על מידותיו or any of the other ן''חזלי

that say one is clean. What it means is that it becomes a

very מסוגל time, that if one will do תשובה now it will be

much much easier for their תשובה to be נתקבל and

Hashem will help you more than regular. It is as if the

,got opened already and now one just needs to go in פתח

whereas someone else who wants to do תשובה that

doesn't have these מסוגל moments needs to put in a little

extra effort. He will need to work a little harder by

opening the door. But he too, will see help from Hashem

once he opens the door as it says מסייעים אותו - הבא ליטהר .

The same applies to יו"כ in ז.( מס' כריתות( there is a מחלוקת,

Rebbe and the חכמים if the day of יו"כ is מכפר even for

those who don't do תשובה and the חכמים hold it is only

for those who do Teshuva, and we pasken like the מכפר

The same applies to a chosson on the day of his .חכמים

wedding. One thing is definite there are no free-bees and

no short cuts to doing Teshuva. The only way to do

Teshuva is by doing Teshuva! Have a great Shabbos and

a super spiritually uplifting Elul Zman!

ג.יעירובין דף

REB AKIVA TEACHES US HOW TO BE A מחנך.

Here we see Reb Akiva said that the Halacha is like that

student, when in fact the actual halachaa limaisa

was not. Why did Reb Akiva do this? לא אמר

Which – רבי עקיבא אלא לחדד בה התלמידים

means that Reb Akiva did not want to

turn him away, to the contrary he

wanted to give him confidence to

continue to come up with more

chidushai Torah like this in the future.

Do you know who this talmid was? It

was none other than Rebbe Meir! One

of the greatest Tanaim that ever lived!

Rebbe Akiva teaches us good chinuch.

Our first reaction should never be, "What

your saying is incorrect or wrong". This will

turn the child or student away from putting in the

effort in the future. Rebbe Akiva teaches us that the way

to be successful is only through giving more confidence

in them and building them up – never knocking down

what they said. NEVER! This is the secret to successful

education. Never ח''ו say your s'vara is shtusim!

IT IS VERY WELL KNOWN that Rav Isser Zalmen

Meltzer זצוק''ל, who was a master michanech, instituted

Reb Akiva's mehalech in chinuch. When a student would

say something, even if it was 100% incorrect he would

never tell them that they were wrong. He would say

"Very good, what "Yankel" means to say is…"

RAV AVRAHAM TWERSKI IN HIS BOOK

"Generation to Generation" writes a similar idea. He

writes, "We had an instructor in Yeshiva who

would stimulate students to challenge him.

He clearly relished their arguments, and

when it was necessary to correct them,

he would try to preserve their sense of

triumph while pointing out their fallacy

or oversight in their reasoning. In his

broken English he would say, "Your

right! You a hundred prozent right!

Now I show where you wrong". Rav

Twersky explains "This was not at all

an internal contradiction. The student

had presented a very cogent argument and

that needed to be acknowledged. The fact that

the argument was not valid did not detract from his

achievement. This is exactly the method of Rebbe Akiva

we just mentioned, that is, to show recognition and value

in what the students say which will ultimately cause

them to want to try more and harder.

JUST AS A SIDE POINT ]מענין לענין[ at the Shabbos

table it is very נוגע this whole topic regarding one's

children and sometimes even regarding one spouse. It

could happen that the father asked an interesting Rav

Zilberstien question and the answer someone gives is

totally off target. Here it is the opportunity of the father

[or mother sometimes] to think of a way to build the

person and not make them feel like two cents.

Folding Tallis

1. The מג"א says that the מהרי"ל would fold his טלית on מוצ"ש

in order to be עוסק in a Mitzvah immediately after

Shabbos. [Some write that this is also a Segulah that

one's wife will have Arichas Yamim, and some say it is

also a Segulah for Shalom Bayis.]

Choshuv'e Guest

2. Just like if one would have a very Chashuva guest come

to his home, he would show his guest honor by walking

him out, so too it is with Shabbos. On מוצ"ש one should

give honor to the Shabbos by "walking it out" with a

that one סעודה It is by way of having this .סעודת מלוה מלכה

walks out the Shabbos, and thereby gives the Shabbos its

proper honor. [רש"י שבת דף קיט:ד"ה במוצאי]

Real Honor

3. Once we understand that the mindset of this סעודה is to

give honor to the Shabbos, it is also the proper thing that

one should have the table set with a nice tablecloth as

well as other nice items that beautify the table (such as

flowers) in order to give proper honor to the Shabbos.

[סק א', ובאר היטב, וכן מובא דבריו במשנ"ב 'ט"ז סימן ש]

Misconception

4. The reason one should eat מלוה מלכה is not to feed the לוז

bone. Rather, the reason to eat סעודת מלוה מלכה is to fulfill

the מצוה of giving honor to the Shabbos. [ ע' בגמ' שבת דף

[ע סימן ש סע' א''ושוקיט:

Living The Daf – Chinnuch

Halachos of "Melaveh Malka"

Please Note: To ensure the continuation of the Etz

Hachayim please consider sponsoring a future month for

350 shekel. Maser money can be used. Thank You!

For dedication opportunities call: 052-767-7018

To receive the weekly - email the word “subscribe” to

EtzHachayimIsrael@gmail.com. The Etz Hachayim thanks

all the great individuals that proofread, edited, and looked

over this week’s עץ החיים.

All about the Luz Bone

5. It is brought down from the קדמונים that in every person's

body there is a bone called the "לוז[ "נסכוי[ and when a

person dies this bone stays in the קבר until תחיית המתים,

and even after the other bones have rotted (if a person

needs to rot), this bone will always stay intact. Even if

one were to put this bone into a fire or into a grinder it

would not burn and it would not become ground, if one

tries to smash it with a hammer, it will not become

crushed. It will be from this bone that man will return to

the world by תחיית המתים. Lastly, this bone receives its

nourishment only from what a person eats on מוצ"ש.

(Which is all food that is eaten in honor of the .סעודת מצות

[ס"ק ב, ג, וגם משנ"ב שם ס"ק ב רע"פ הא"] (מלוה מלכה

Woman

6. Since women are included in the mitzvah of honoring the

Shabbos (just as much as men are), they are also

included in the mitzvah of having a סעודת מלוה מלכה to

honor the Shabbos.

[כל הפוסקים ומו"ר הגר"י ברקוביץ שליט"א וכן כתב]

Not Because of a Segulah

7. Both men and women should eat ה מלכהמלו because it's a

great mitzvah [some hold it is a proper חיוב] and not

because of סגולות. Yet if one needs a סגולה to give them

the push – so use the segulah as an incentive.

Leidah Kala

8. The Rebb'e Reb Elimelech said that if a woman is careful

to eat מלוה מלכה every לשם מצות סעודת מלוה מלכה ,מצו"ש,

and she also says it with her mouth that she is eating

לידה then she will merit a ,"לשם מצות סעודת מלוה מלכה"

Some say that this segulah is only for one who] .קלה

always eats מלוה מלכה, not only when she is expecting.]

The correct Intention

9. As mentioned previously, the reason women should eat

rather in order to give honor ,לידה קלה is not for ,מלוה מלכה

to the Holy day of Shabbos.

Story about - The Vilna Gaon

10. The wife of the Vilna Gaon accepted upon herself to fast

a specific amount of times. After Shabbos, she went to

sleep without eating מלוה מלכה because of her fast. When

the Gaon found out about it, he sent her a message that

all her fasts could not be מתקן the loss of even one מלוה

[תוספת מעשה רב אות ל"ט] .מלכה

Chinnuch

11. One should also be מחנך their family and children [who

have reached the age of chinuch] about the great mitzvah

of honoring the Shabbos by having a proper סעודת מלוה

.מלכה

When?

12. The best time to eat מלוה מלכה is after הבדלה, as close as

possible to the closing of Shabbos, since the farther away

from Shabbos one eats, the less noticeable it is that the

ע' במשנ"ב ס"ק ב ושעה"צ ) .is in honor of the Shabbos סעודה

(אות ק

No Appetite

13. However, if a person does not have any appetite right

after Shabbos, and he wishes to go learn Torah [for

example] and after eat לוה מלכהמ , it is perfectly ok to do

so. (שליט''א)הגרח"ק

Fourth Hour

14. It is a מצוה מן המובחר for a person to eat סעודת מלוה מלכה

before the fourth hour of the night )שעות זמניות(.

However, one should not push it off until after חצות.

פרק ס"ג סע' ה, וע' בלשון המשנ"ב ס"ק ב( ה)ששכ"

After Chatzos

15. If one did not manage to eat מלוה מלכה until after חצות,

they should still do so until עמוד השחר.

Some say that one could even] ]כך משמע במשנ"ב ס"ק ב[

have it in mind on Sunday, if they did not manage to eat

[מלוה מלכה

Story about - The Vilna Gaon - 2

16. One time, on מוצ"ש, the Gaon was sick and he threw up.

When he was feeling better he asked the people in his

presence if they could go check if it was still dark outside

so that he could eat a כזית of bread before the day began

to be מצות סעודת מלוה מלכה – מקיים.

On Yom Tov

17. According to the majority of poskim, there is no inyan or

mitzvah to eat מלוה מלכה after a יום טוב.

Seder Night on מוצ''ש

18. Some write that when פסח (or any Yom Tov) falls out on

in יו"ט סעודה in the מרבה קצת to be ענין there is an ,מוצ"ש

honor of מלכהמלוה )הגר"ח פלאגי( .

יו''כ and מוצ''ש

19. There is also a mitzvah to eat מלוה מלכה on מוצאי יו"כ that

was also שבת. [Poskim] (This can be done by having in

mind that the סעודה one is having on מוצאי יו"כ should also

be .לכבוד מלוה מלכה )

Milochoh Kavua

does not נשמה יתרה since a person's – על פי קבלה .20

completely leave them until after מלוה מלכה, one should

not get involved in מלאכה until after מלוה מלכה.

Therefore, הלכה למעשה, the משנ"ב paskens that it is the

proper thing that one should not be במלאכת קבעעוסק until

they are ס"ג פ' ששכ"ה וס"ק ב ב)משנ" .מקיים סעודת מלוה מלכה

סע' ה(