Presented by Jennifer Watanabe, Parent Educator, Parent Coach, Speakers Bureau for: Youth Eastside Services ,

Overindulgence:

What Parents Need to Know

Presented by Jennifer Watanabe, Parent Educator, Parent Coach, Speakers Bureau for:

Youth Eastside Services

www.YouthEastsideServices.org

,

• Parental warmth: parental responsiveness and affection toward the child(ren)

• Parental control: how demanding or restrictive parents are toward their child(ren).

2009 University of Minnesota Extension

http://www.extension.umn.edu/distribution/familydevelopment/00210.html

How we parent:

Parenting styles:

• Before World War II:

Most parents used Authoritarian parenting style.

• After World War II:

American society moved from “fear-based” approach towards the opposite which is the Permissive parenting style.

• When Permissiveness Overindulgence:

Definition: “catering to someone’s mood or whim; yielding to”www.dictionary.com

History of Parenting:

“Everything You Need to Know to Steer Clear of Overindulgence andRaise Likeable, Responsible and Respectful Children”

How Much is Enough? by Jean Illsley Clarke, Connie Dawson & David J. Bredehoft 2003

How Much is Enough?

• Development? Does it get in the way of the child learning a developmental task?

• Resources? Does it use a disproportionate amount of family resources?

• Whose needs? Is this more for the parent than for the child?

• Possible harm? Does it deplete or in some way harm others, property, the environment, the community?


Clues to overindulgence

• Too much – toys, clothes, activities

• Over nurture – parents: did for child what child could do for himself, gave too much attention, allowed lots of privilege, made sure child was entertained

• Soft structure – parents: did not expect child to do chores, did not have rules or did not enforce them, allowed child to dominate family, gave too much freedom


Three ways of overindulgence:

• Guilt• Came from scarcity• Fear confrontation or rejection• To feel like a good parent• No skill to set limits• Taking path of least resistance


Some reasons why parents overindulge:

• Adults reported how they were overindulged as a child:◦ having things done for you, no consistent chores expected, not

having to follow rules◦ clothes, privileges, freedom

• They reported these results during adult life:• Not knowing what is enough• Lacking skills that everyone is expected to know• Troubles from irresponsible behavior• Expectations of overblown entitlement and remaining the

center of the universe

www.overindulgence.info

Overindulgence research:

• The more parents were overindulged as children, the more likely the parents were:◦ To not be authoritative◦ To be authoritarian◦ To be permissive



• The higher the rate of childhood overindulgence reported, the more likely adults were to be:o Not interested in betterment of societyo Not willing to assist people in needo Not willing to make the world a better place

• When overindulged children grew up they tended toward extrinsic aspirations.

• When children who were infrequently overindulged grew up they tended toward intrinsic aspirations.



• Research now shows that neither the Authoritarian nor the Permissive parenting styles results in the best outcomes for children.

• Best outcomes come from the Authoritative parenting style.

Moving to the parenting middle:

• Children and teens:

oDo better academically, oHave better friendshipsoDo better at delaying gratification. oAre the least likely to engage in binge drinking oAre less likely to smoke oAre less likely to be overweight

Research links on What is Positive Discipline Handout

Research supporting the Authoritative parenting style:

• Be in charge: provide a strong structure

• Love: be supportive and nurturing

• Teach about enough

• Remember to use parental power that gets your needs met and your child’s needs met


How to provide enough in an overindulgent world?

• No.• I have thought about it and the answer is No.• We need the money for something else.• I don’t approve of it.• Go find something else to do.• I am not going to be changing my mind about this.• You can be content with what you have.• I need time to think. If I have to decide right now,

the answer is no.


Learn to say “No”

• All the safety factors are met.• Adult stays in charge and loving.• If the child will be out, you know:

◦ Where he will be◦ Whom he will be with◦ What he will be doing◦ When he will be home◦ How he will get home◦ Maybe also some whys


Criteria for negotiating:

Teens who report being closely monitored by their parents, compared to teens who are not, are:• 8x less likely to have used marijuana• 4x less likely to have been drunk• 8x less likely to have been sexually active• 2x as likely to have a grade point average

of B or higher

Dr. Stephen Small, University of Wisconsin

Monitoring teenagers:

• Build up Authoritative parenting style skills.• Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson• How Much is Enough? by Jean Illsley Clarke,

Connie Dawson & David J. Bredehoft• Find supportive community/fellow parents

Presented by Jennifer Watanabe, Parent Coach, Parent Educator, Speakers Bureau for:

Youth Eastside Services

www.YouthEastsideServices.org

425-747-4937

What else can parents do?

Documents

Presented by Jennifer Watanabe, Parent Educator, Parent Coach, Speakers Bureau for: Youth Eastside Services ,