RESTORATIVE PRACTICES AND POSSIBILITIES Spring 2011

1

RESTORATIVE PRACTICES RESTORATIVE PRACTICES ANDAND

POSSIBILITIESPOSSIBILITIES

Spring 2011Spring 2011

Facilitator:Facilitator: David OsbornDavid Osbornemail: email: [email protected] webpage: http://qbes.sd69.bc.ca/ webpage: http://qbes.sd69.bc.ca/

(click counselling services)(click counselling services)

2

Today’s Intention:Today’s Intention:

All behaviours are purposeful, All behaviours are purposeful,

and often behaviours end up damaging and often behaviours end up damaging relationships.relationships.

We will be exploring ways to We will be exploring ways to restore damaged relationships restore damaged relationships

and to more easily get to a place and to more easily get to a place of connection and co-operation.of connection and co-operation.

3

Punitive/Coercive Permissive

The punitive-permissive continuum.From T. Wachtel, 1999, Restorative justice in everyday life: Beyond the formal ritual.

http://www.realjustice.org/Pages/anu.html

Punisher Buddy

A Traditional Model to Wrong Doing A Traditional Model to Wrong Doing generally linear in naturegenerally linear in nature

Punitive-Permissive ContinuumPunitive-Permissive Continuum

4

TOTO WITHWITH

NOTNOT FORFOR

NOT COOPERATING COOPERATING

(high importance)(low importance)

NO

T A

SSE

RT

ING

ASS

ER

TIN

G

(hig

h im

port

ance

)

Wachtel, 1999, Restorative justice in everyday life: Beyond the formal ritual.

5

punitivepunitive

TOTO WITHWITH

NOTNOT

permissivepermissive

FORFOR

NOT COOPERATING COOPERATING

(high importance)(low importance)

NO

T A

SSE

RT

ING

ASS

ER

TIN

G

(hig

h im

port

ance

)

Wachtel, 1999, Restorative justice in everyday life: Beyond the formal ritual.

6

punitivepunitive

TOTO

competingcompeting

restorativerestorative

WITHWITH

collaboratingcollaborating

neglectfulneglectful

NOTNOT

avoidingavoiding

permissivepermissive

FORFOR

accommodatingaccommodating

NOT COOPERATING COOPERATING(high importance)(low importance)

NO

T A

SSE

RT

ING

ASS

ER

TIN

G

(hig

h im

port

ance

)

Osborn, D. (2005). Training in Restorative Justice: Enhancing Collaboration with Public School Educators. Relational child & youth care practice, 18(1), 42-50

compromising

developing and using: CONSIDERING, LISTENING, REFLECTING, ENCOURAGING & NURTURING

deve

lopi

ng a

nd u

sing

: C

OU

RA

GE

, LIM

IT S

ET

TIN

G &

DIS

CIP

LIN

E,

FIN

DIN

G &

US

ING

YO

UR

VO

ICE

7

TOTO (adult)(adult) Yells and points. “If you don’t, I’ll Yells and points. “If you don’t, I’ll

(student)(student) “Leave me alone.” / “I’m sorry.” “Leave me alone.” / “I’m sorry.”

(Legacy)(Legacy) Rebels or Victim Rebels or Victim

(feelings)(feelings) Anger / Fearful Anger / Fearful

WITHWITHAsks questions. “What kind of Asks questions. “What kind of

person/belief?”person/belief?”

““What can I do to fix it?What can I do to fix it?

Leadership / StrengthenedLeadership / Strengthened

Confident / GenerousConfident / Generous

NOTNOTNot involved. “You should know better.”Not involved. “You should know better.”

““I don’t care!”I don’t care!”

Aimless Aimless

Shame / Anger / FearfulShame / Anger / Fearful

FORFORMakes excuse and deals. “Do it for me.”Makes excuse and deals. “Do it for me.”

““It’s not fair. / I thought we were friends.”It’s not fair. / I thought we were friends.”

Dependency / Indulged Dependency / Indulged

Anxious / Insecure / WeaknessAnxious / Insecure / Weakness

Adapted from: Chelsom-Gossen, D. (1992). Restitution: Restructuring school discipline, facilitator’s guide. Chapel Hill, NC: New View.

.

8

CIRCLE OF GROWTHCIRCLE OF GROWTH

Neufeld, G. (2006). Neufeld, G. (2006). Neufeld Intensive-Level 2.Neufeld Intensive-Level 2...

FRUSTRATIONFRUSTRATION

YOUR STUCK SPOTYOUR STUCK SPOT

CC

HH

AA

NN

GG

EE

ADAPTATIONADAPTATION

AA

TT

TT

AA

CC

KK

TO TO

FORFOR

TOTO

FORFOR

futilityfutility

defend against defend against

vulnerabilityvulnerability

mixed mixed feelingsfeelings

9

GETTING TO “GETTING TO “WITH”WITH” THROUGH THROUGH

1.1. MY JOB / YOUR JOBMY JOB / YOUR JOB

2.2. RESTITUTION TRIANGLERESTITUTION TRIANGLE

3.3. LANGUAGE PATTERNSLANGUAGE PATTERNS

4.4. TALKING CIRCLETALKING CIRCLE

5.5. FIVE CORE CONCERNSFIVE CORE CONCERNS

10

RESTITUTION

Stabilize the Identity

Val

idat

e th

e M

isbeh

avio

ur Seek the Belief

Chelsom-Gossen, D. (1992). Restitution: Restructuring school discipline, facilitator’s guide. Chapel Hill, NC: New View.

We are doing the best we can.

All

beha

viou

r is p

urpo

sefu

l.

We are internally m

otivated.

11

RESTITUTION

Stabilize the Identity

Val

idat

e th

e M

isbeh

avio

ur Seek the Belief



All

beha

viou

r is p

urpo

sefu

l.W

e are internally motivated.

Good friend to self.

I’m not interested in fault.

It’s OK to make a

mistake.

Perfection is not a human

condition.

You’re not the

only one.

If your behaviour could talk what

would it be telling me?

Keep that behaviour; add a new one.

How could you have done worse?

What do we as a class or family believe?

How do we work together to meet each others needs?

What would you like to see happen?

What kind of person do you

want to be?

12

COULD YOU HAVE DONE WORSECOULD YOU HAVE DONE WORSE

LessLess Effective Effective More MoreEffectiveEffective Effective Effective

Select a misbehaviour or mistake.Select a misbehaviour or mistake.

Ask…”Could I have done worse?” (exaggerate, if aggressing, “Could I have Ask…”Could I have done worse?” (exaggerate, if aggressing, “Could I have beenbeen more aggressive or withdrawn?” more aggressive or withdrawn?”

Ask…”What was the value I was protecting by my behaviour?”Ask…”What was the value I was protecting by my behaviour?” Ask…”Would it be better to not hold the value—to not be the Ask…”Would it be better to not hold the value—to not be the

person I want to be?” (No!)person I want to be?” (No!) ““Give myself credit! Though it didn’t work out the way I Give myself credit! Though it didn’t work out the way I

wanted it to, it was better than something else I might have wanted it to, it was better than something else I might have done. Now I can figure out a better way.done. Now I can figure out a better way.

Chelsom-Gossen, D. (1992). Restitution: Restructuring school discipline, facilitator’s guide. Chapel Chelsom-Gossen, D. (1992). Restitution: Restructuring school discipline, facilitator’s guide. Chapel Hill, NC: New View.Hill, NC: New View.

13

Stabilize the IdentityVal

idat

e th

e Misb

ehav

iour

Seek the Belief


All

beha

viou

r is p

urpo

sefu

l. We are internally m

otivated.

It’s OK to make a mistake.

If your behaviour could talk what would it be

telling me?

Keep that behaviour; add a new one.

How could you have done worse?

What do we as a class or family believe?

How do we work together to meet each other’s needs?

What would you like to see happen?

What kind of person do you

want to be?

BATHE ing the heart:BATHE ing the heart:

B=backgroundB=background:: What happened to you? What happened to you? A=affectA=affect:: How did you feel? / What was that like for you? How did you feel? / What was that like for you?

T=troubleT=trouble:: What troubles you the most now? What troubles you the most now? H=handling: H=handling: What helps you the most to handle this?”What helps you the most to handle this?”

E=empathyE=empathy: That must be very difficult for you. / I felt _______ too, as I listened to you.”: That must be very difficult for you. / I felt _______ too, as I listened to you.”

RESTITUTION TRIANGLEAdapted from: Chelsom-Gossen, D. (1992). Restitution: Restructuring school discipline. Chapel Hill, NC: New View.

14

BATHEBATHEing the heart:ing the heart:

B=B=backgroundbackground,, “what happened to you?” “what happened to you?”

A=A=affectaffect,, “and how did/does that make you “and how did/does that make you feel? feel?

T=T=troubletrouble, , “and what troubles you the most “and what troubles you the most now?” now?”

H=H=handlinghandling,, “and what helps you the most to “and what helps you the most to handle this?” handle this?”

E=E=empathyempathy, , “that must be very difficult for you. “that must be very difficult for you. I felt sad too, as I listened to you.” I felt sad too, as I listened to you.”

Servan-Schreiber, D. (2004). Servan-Schreiber, D. (2004). The instinct to heal: Curing stress, anxiety, The instinct to heal: Curing stress, anxiety, and depression without drugs and without talk therapyand depression without drugs and without talk therapy . USA.: Rodale.. USA.: Rodale.

15

RESTORATIVE PRACTICE CONTINUUMRESTORATIVE PRACTICE CONTINUUM

INFORMAL FORMALINFORMAL FORMAL

affective questions small impromptu formalaffective questions small impromptu formal (language patterns) circles / conference conference(language patterns) circles / conference conference

The restorative practice continuum.From T. Wachtel, 1999, Restorative justice in everyday life: Beyond the formal ritual.

http://www.realjustice.org/Pages/anu.html

16

CIRCLE GUIDELINESCIRCLE GUIDELINES

Circle is voluntaryCircle is voluntary Respect the talking pieceRespect the talking piece

Share ideas when the talking piece is in your hand.Share ideas when the talking piece is in your hand. Listen when it’s in another person’s hands.Listen when it’s in another person’s hands.

Everyone has an equal opportunity to speakEveryone has an equal opportunity to speak You may pass the talking piece.You may pass the talking piece. Try to be brief and to the point.Try to be brief and to the point.

Speak from the heartSpeak from the heart Speak with honesty and compassion.Speak with honesty and compassion.

Speak in a good waySpeak in a good way Be kind and respectful.Be kind and respectful.

All people are treated equallyAll people are treated equally All ideas are equally important.All ideas are equally important. All decisions are made by consensus.All decisions are made by consensus.

The Circle is confidentialThe Circle is confidential The stories shared in the circle “belong” to the circle.The stories shared in the circle “belong” to the circle.

South Saint Paul Restorative Justice-Kaposia Education Center-Stacy Elliott Sarff-Summer 1999South Saint Paul Restorative Justice-Kaposia Education Center-Stacy Elliott Sarff-Summer 1999

17Zehr, H. (2002). Zehr, H. (2002). The little book of restorative justice.The little book of restorative justice. Intercourse, PA: Good Books. Intercourse, PA: Good Books.

TWO DIFFERENT VIEW&

THREE DIFFERENT QUESTIONS

Criminal Justice(punitive)(punitive)

What laws have been broken?Who did it?What do they deserve?

Central focus: offenders getting what they deserve.

Restorative Practices

Who has been hurt?What are their needs?Whose obligations are these?

Central focus: victim needs and offender responsibility for repairing the harm.

18

When you do justice restoratively When you do justice restoratively AND AND

work collaboratively …work collaboratively …

You will be concerned and focused on You will be concerned and focused on building, re-building, and maintaining building, re-building, and maintaining

relationships.relationships.

19

THREE PILLARS OF RESTORATIVE PRACTICESTHREE PILLARS OF RESTORATIVE PRACTICES

1.1. FOCUSES ON HARMS AND NEEDS OF AN FOCUSES ON HARMS AND NEEDS OF AN INDIVIDUAL SITUATION OR EVENT.INDIVIDUAL SITUATION OR EVENT.

2.2. WRONGS, MISTAKES, OR HARMS RESULT IN WRONGS, MISTAKES, OR HARMS RESULT IN OBLIGATIONS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.OBLIGATIONS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

3.3. PROMOTES ENGAGEMENT, PARTICIPATION AND PROMOTES ENGAGEMENT, PARTICIPATION AND COLLABORATION.COLLABORATION.

Zehr, H. (2002). Zehr, H. (2002). The little book of restorative justice.The little book of restorative justice. Intercourse, PA: Good Books. Intercourse, PA: Good Books.

20

DOING JUSTICE RESTORATIVELYDOING JUSTICE RESTORATIVELY

You will focus on the harms of the crime rather than the rules that have been broken.You will focus on the harms of the crime rather than the rules that have been broken. You will be equally concerned with victims and offenders involving both in the process of You will be equally concerned with victims and offenders involving both in the process of

justice.justice. You will work toward the restoration of victims, empowering them and responding to their You will work toward the restoration of victims, empowering them and responding to their

needs as they see them.needs as they see them. You will support offenders while encouraging them to understand, accept, and carry out their You will support offenders while encouraging them to understand, accept, and carry out their

obligations.obligations. You will recognize that while obligations may be difficult for the offenders, they should not You will recognize that while obligations may be difficult for the offenders, they should not

be intended as punitive.be intended as punitive. You will provide opportunities for dialogue, direct and indirect, between victims and offender You will provide opportunities for dialogue, direct and indirect, between victims and offender

as appropriate.as appropriate. You will find meaningful ways to involve the community and to respond to community bases You will find meaningful ways to involve the community and to respond to community bases

of crime.of crime. You will encourage collaboration and reintegration rather than coercion and isolation.You will encourage collaboration and reintegration rather than coercion and isolation. You will be mindful of the unintended consequences of your actions and programs.You will be mindful of the unintended consequences of your actions and programs. You will show respect to all parties—victims, offenders, and justice colleagues.You will show respect to all parties—victims, offenders, and justice colleagues.

Harry Mika & Howard Zehr, 1996.Harry Mika & Howard Zehr, 1996.

You will be concerned and focused on building, re-building, and maintaining relationshipsYou will be concerned and focused on building, re-building, and maintaining relationships ..

21

OUR TARGETS IN HELPING A STUDENT OUR TARGETS IN HELPING A STUDENT ARE:ARE:

Stabilize their Stabilize their identityidentity..Help the person identify Help the person identify their need.their need.Access theAccess the belief. belief.Focus on the Focus on the solutionsolution rather than blame. rather than blame.Work towards Work towards self-discipline.self-discipline.

Chelsom-Gossen, D. (1993). Restitution: Restructuring school discipline, facilitator’s guide. Chapel Hill, NC: New Chelsom-Gossen, D. (1993). Restitution: Restructuring school discipline, facilitator’s guide. Chapel Hill, NC: New View.View.

22

TONE OF VOICETONE OF VOICE

What carries the Message?What carries the Message?

WORDS…………………………10%WORDS…………………………10%

TONE……………………………35%TONE……………………………35%

NON-VERBAL…………………55%NON-VERBAL…………………55%


23

ASK CUP EMPTYING QUESTIONSASK CUP EMPTYING QUESTIONS

Allow the person to empty their cup by Allow the person to empty their cup by asking cup-emptying questions that are asking cup-emptying questions that are open-ended and show the utmost non-open-ended and show the utmost non-

judgmental curiosity.judgmental curiosity.

Use:Use:

WHAT, HOW, & WHENWHAT, HOW, & WHEN..

Popov, L. K., Kavelin, J. & Popov, D. (1997). The family virtues guide.

New York: Penguin Group.

24

CREATING A SAFE “CONTAINER”CREATING A SAFE “CONTAINER” EFFECTIVE LISTENINGEFFECTIVE LISTENING: A truly effective listener uses words which tell the other that you have heard : A truly effective listener uses words which tell the other that you have heard

them—that what they said has registered in your heart and brain. This will encourage them to keep talking them—that what they said has registered in your heart and brain. This will encourage them to keep talking about what you need to know, their about what you need to know, their “cheapbfv”“cheapbfv”s: their “concerns, hopes, expectations, anxieties, s: their “concerns, hopes, expectations, anxieties, problems, beliefs, fears, & values.”problems, beliefs, fears, & values.”

THREE AREAS OF FOCUSTHREE AREAS OF FOCUS: Tone of voice (35%); nonverbal (55%); and quality of questions, “: Tone of voice (35%); nonverbal (55%); and quality of questions, “Straight Straight not Crooked,” and “Open Ended not Closed.not Crooked,” and “Open Ended not Closed.””

Try to AvoidTry to Avoid: (generalizations, deletions, and distortions) “You forgot to…You never…You should : (generalizations, deletions, and distortions) “You forgot to…You never…You should have… (don’t should on yourself)…You can’t…You shouldn’t have…The way you did it is wrong…The have… (don’t should on yourself)…You can’t…You shouldn’t have…The way you did it is wrong…The way I do it…”way I do it…”

Acknowledge what they are doing well. Don’t tell people what they did wrong—let them discover how Acknowledge what they are doing well. Don’t tell people what they did wrong—let them discover how they could do it differently through your questions. they could do it differently through your questions.

Straight not Crooked QuestionsStraight not Crooked Questions:: ““What’s the rule?”What’s the rule?” Not…”You know what the rule is don’t Not…”You know what the rule is don’t you?”you?” ““Where were you supposed to be?”Where were you supposed to be?” Not…”You weren’t where you wereNot…”You weren’t where you were supposed to be, were you?”supposed to be, were you?” Open-Ended QuestionsOpen-Ended Questions:: -When ________ happened (e.g. someone went off on a blaming tangent.) what ere you thinking”… -When ________ happened (e.g. someone went off on a blaming tangent.) what ere you thinking”…

Wanting to hear? ... Looking for?Wanting to hear? ... Looking for? -What could your have done differently?-What could your have done differently? -What does that feel like?-What does that feel like? How would you like things to How would you like things to

be?be? -What are you feeling right now?-What are you feeling right now? How is that (specific) for you?How is that (specific) for you? -Where would you like to begin?-Where would you like to begin? What do you imagine?What do you imagine? -What have you thought of?-What have you thought of? How do you see things changing?How do you see things changing? -What was most important for you now?-What was most important for you now? -How was that for you?-How was that for you? What do you think will happen…?What do you think will happen…? -What would you like me to notice in this _______?-What would you like me to notice in this _______? -I’m wondering if….?-I’m wondering if….?

Adapted from: D. Chelsom-Gossen, S. Holloway, & other sources.Adapted from: D. Chelsom-Gossen, S. Holloway, & other sources.

25

IMAGO DIALOGUEIMAGO DIALOGUE Imago dialog is a basic three step to exerciseImago dialog is a basic three step to exercise to help people communicate information, thoughts, feelings, to help people communicate information, thoughts, feelings,

or experiences with the intention of being authentic, respectful, clear, and understood. On a deeper level or experiences with the intention of being authentic, respectful, clear, and understood. On a deeper level Imago dialogue invites, creates, enhances, and preserves connection.Imago dialogue invites, creates, enhances, and preserves connection.

Step 1: Mirroring Step 1: Mirroring Using “I” statements, the Sender then sends a message to convey his/her thoughts, feelings, or experiences Using “I” statements, the Sender then sends a message to convey his/her thoughts, feelings, or experiences

to the Receiver (I feel, I love, I need…). In response, the Receiver echoes the sender’s message word for to the Receiver (I feel, I love, I need…). In response, the Receiver echoes the sender’s message word for word or by paraphrasing, using a leading sounds like, “Let me see if I’ve got you. You said …” Then the word or by paraphrasing, using a leading sounds like, “Let me see if I’ve got you. You said …” Then the Receiver checks for accuracy by asking, “did I get that?” or “did I get you?” Mirroring trains us to listen Receiver checks for accuracy by asking, “did I get that?” or “did I get you?” Mirroring trains us to listen to what the other is saying rather than listening to their reactions and responses going on in our own hands to what the other is saying rather than listening to their reactions and responses going on in our own hands all the other is talking.all the other is talking.

Step 2: Validation Step 2: Validation In addition to learning to listen fully to the other, the Receiver stretches to understand and acknowledge In addition to learning to listen fully to the other, the Receiver stretches to understand and acknowledge

that the validity in the Sender’s point of view; especially when it is different from his or her own. The that the validity in the Sender’s point of view; especially when it is different from his or her own. The second step, validation, invites understanding. It is a communication by the Receiver that the Sender second step, validation, invites understanding. It is a communication by the Receiver that the Sender “makes sense." In validation, the Receiver discovers and embraces the differences of the Sender’s point of “makes sense." In validation, the Receiver discovers and embraces the differences of the Sender’s point of view. Simultaneously, validation also meets the needs of the Sender: to be understood and acknowledge in view. Simultaneously, validation also meets the needs of the Sender: to be understood and acknowledge in his/her uniqueness. It acknowledges the existence of the Senders’ internal experiences and perceptions of his/her uniqueness. It acknowledges the existence of the Senders’ internal experiences and perceptions of the world. the world.

Step 3: EmpathyStep 3: Empathy The third and final step of the Imago dialog is empathy. In empathy, the Receiver imagines the feelings of The third and final step of the Imago dialog is empathy. In empathy, the Receiver imagines the feelings of

the Sender, steps into the Sender shoes, feels their pain, anger, fear, appreciation or joy. It is important two the Sender, steps into the Sender shoes, feels their pain, anger, fear, appreciation or joy. It is important two verify that the imagined feelings are correct. Over time, we move from a staring at exteriors to touching of verify that the imagined feelings are correct. Over time, we move from a staring at exteriors to touching of interiors, we learn to participate in the world of the other, while holding onto our own, separate experience.interiors, we learn to participate in the world of the other, while holding onto our own, separate experience.

WHEN DO WE USE IMAGO DIALOGUEWHEN DO WE USE IMAGO DIALOGUE?? To express appreciation and love.To express appreciation and love. To be heard and understood.To be heard and understood. To listen and understand.To listen and understand. You are upset about something and want to discuss it.You are upset about something and want to discuss it. To discuss a topic that might be “touchy.”To discuss a topic that might be “touchy.”

Source: Source: Imago Connects the Sense of Love: a couple’s handbook.Imago Connects the Sense of Love: a couple’s handbook. p. 32 p. 32By Harville Hendrix & Helen Hunt. By Harville Hendrix & Helen Hunt. www.GettingTheLoveYouWant.com

26

MY JOB / YOUR JOBMY JOB / YOUR JOB

Helps open discussion on: Helps open discussion on:

beliefs, values, the ideal classroom, and our “social contract.”beliefs, values, the ideal classroom, and our “social contract.”

MY JOB YOUR JOBMY JOB YOUR JOB


27

FIVE CORE CONCERNS:FIVE CORE CONCERNS:

CORE CONCERNTHE CONCERN IS IGNORED WHEN

CORE CONCERN IS MET WHEN

APPRECIATIONYour thoughts, feelings, or

actions are devalued.Your thoughts, feelings, and actions are acknowledged as

having merit.

AFFLILIATIONYou are treated as an adversary

and kept at a distance.You are treated as a

colleague.

AUTONOMYYour freedom to make

decisions is impinged upon. Others respect your freedom to decide important matters.

STATUSYour relative standing is treated

as inferior to that of others.Your standing where deserved is given full

recognition.

ROLEYour current role and its

activities are not personally fulfilling.

You so define your role and its activities that you find

them fulfilling.

Fisher, R. & Shapiro, D. (2005) Fisher, R. & Shapiro, D. (2005) Beyond reason: Using emotions as you negotiateBeyond reason: Using emotions as you negotiate . . New York: Viking.New York: Viking.

28

COMPETING isboth assertive and uncooperative. The

individual tries to "win" by defending their "position" with whatever power seems

necessary. The individual's concerns are pursued at the expense of the other person.

Competing is a win / lose style.

COLLABORATING isboth assertive and cooperative. The individuals work together to consider their mutual interests and needs while orienting their efforts towards

consensus formation. This demands considerable interpersonal skill, commitment to the issue and

time for discussion. In this respect not all conflicts are worth the effort, although the

solution often empowers both parties and allows for a lasting resolution.

AVOIDING is neither assertive nor cooperative. The individual can

be sidestepping an issue for good reason or withdrawing because they are unable to cope with a

conflict that threatens them. Avoiding is a lose / lose. The individual loses the opportunity to

influence others, and others lose the value of the individual’s input.

ACCOMMODATING isunassertive but cooperative. This could be

based on altruism and a genuine concern for others or simply a fear of causing offense and

difficulty for the other person. Accommodating is usually a lose / win style.

COMPROMISING is both assertive and cooperative although it differs from

collaboration mainly in matter of degree. Often compromise offers itself as a "natural" and easy

solution. In doing so, a quick compromise can preclude the kind of discussion that usually accompanies

collaboration and thus not allow some more creative and often better resolutions to come forward.

Five Conflict-Handling ModesAdapted from Kearns, T., Pickering, C., & Twist, J. (1992). Managing conflict: A practical guide to conflict resolution for educators.

Cooperating/considering/relating

Ass

erti

ng/e

xpec

ting

/goa

l set

ting

29

"When we focus on clarifying what is being "When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on observed, felt, and needed rather than on

diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion." of our own compassion."

Marshall B. RosenbergMarshall B. Rosenberg

““WORDS CHANGE PEOPLE ONLY IF THEY WORDS CHANGE PEOPLE ONLY IF THEY ARE SUPPORTED BY THE FULL EXPERIENCE ARE SUPPORTED BY THE FULL EXPERIENCE

TO WHICH THE WORDS POINT.”TO WHICH THE WORDS POINT.”

V. SatirV. Satir

30

““Once a society loses this capacity Once a society loses this capacity for dialoguefor dialogue all that all that is left is a cacophony of voices battling it out to see who is left is a cacophony of voices battling it out to see who wins and who loses. There is no capacity to go deeper, to wins and who loses. There is no capacity to go deeper, to find a deeper meaning that transcends individual views and find a deeper meaning that transcends individual views and self interest. It seems reasonable to ask whether many of self interest. It seems reasonable to ask whether many of our deeper problems in governing ourselves today, the so-our deeper problems in governing ourselves today, the so-called “gridlock” and loss of mutual respect and caring…called “gridlock” and loss of mutual respect and caring…might not stem from this lost capacity to talk with one might not stem from this lost capacity to talk with one another, to think together as part of a larger community.”another, to think together as part of a larger community.”

Peter M. Senge Peter M. Senge

Stanfield, B. (2000). Stanfield, B. (2000). The art of focused conversation: 100 ways to access group wisdom in the workplace.The art of focused conversation: 100 ways to access group wisdom in the workplace. Gabriola Island, B.C.: New Society Publishers.Gabriola Island, B.C.: New Society Publishers.

31

““Proponents of restorative justice know Proponents of restorative justice know that justice cannot be done by someone that justice cannot be done by someone or administered to someone; it can be or administered to someone; it can be

created or achieved only when all created or achieved only when all involved in the given situation are involved in the given situation are

participants taking the opportunity to participants taking the opportunity to collaborate in the justice-making collaborate in the justice-making

process.”process.”

Sullivan, D., & Tifft, L. (2001). Restorative justice: Healing the foundation of our Sullivan, D., & Tifft, L. (2001). Restorative justice: Healing the foundation of our everyday lives. Monsey, NY: Willow Tree Press.everyday lives. Monsey, NY: Willow Tree Press.

32

When you do justice restoratively When you do justice restoratively AND AND

work collaboratively …work collaboratively …

You will be concerned and focused on You will be concerned and focused on building, re-building, and maintaining building, re-building, and maintaining

relationships.relationships.

Documents

RESTORATIVE PRACTICES AND POSSIBILITIES Spring 2011