Rethinking the American Child

There are three basic tasks of the adolescence journey

• Who am I? Identity

• Do I and my choices matter? Autonomy

• Where do I fit in? Affinity

Puberty AdulthoodPre-1900s 14.5 161900-1970 13 181970-Now 11.7 Mid 20s

Journey to Adulthood(as defined by culture)

Society’s Responses to Adolescence

“We have evolved to the point where we believe driving is support, being active is love,

and providing any and every opportunity is selfless nurture. We are a culture that has

forgotten how to be together. We have lost the ability to spend unstructured downtime.”

From Chap Clark, Hurt: Inside the world of today’s teenagers.

The World Beneath

A Second Family

Art of Multiple Lives

New Morality

Social Cluster vs. Social Cliques

Response to Systemic Abandonment

“In their most shocking and often frightening behavior, in the rules of their private world, as well as in the longing

of their hearts, children are telling us everything we need to know, not just about them, but about ourselves. By peering thoughtfully and bravely into their universe, adults can find answers that will heal our families,

restore out schools, and strengthen our communities.” From Ron Taffel with Melinda Blau, The Second Family: How adolescent

power is challenging the American family.

The Six Longings of Today’s Kids

The Longing to BelongThe Longing to Matter

The Longing to be WantedThe Longing for a Safe Place

The Longing to be Taken SeriouslyThe Longing to be Uniquely Myself

So What Do We Do About It?

We must be committed to a healthy authenticity

TransparentHonest

Minimize Transference

So What Do We Do About It?

We must create a sanctuary

Free of judgmentWhere we listen

Messiness is allowed

So What Do We Do About It?

We pursue one kid at a time

Finding the bridgeSeek understanding/Be curiousUnconditional positive regard

So What Do We Do About It?

We sit on the steps of the world beneath

Learn cultural artifactsLearn their language

Give the gift of presence

Further Thoughts

Study your ScripturesPray, Pray, Pray

Know that God is already at work (in the kids and in you)

Enjoy yourselfDon’t expect reciprocity from the kids

Take risks

Prayer for our YouthO Christ Jesus,

when all is darknessand our kids feel weak and helpless,

give them the sense of Your presence,Your love, and Your strength.

Help them to have perfect trustin Your protecting love

and strengthening power,so that nothing may frighten or worry them,

for it is in living close to You,that we shall see Your hand,

Your purpose, and Your will through and in all things.