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Unlimited Possibilities
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Unlimited Possibilities
forever change your destructive beliefs to break
free from your past and live the life of your
dreams
By Robert Szentes
2
Acknowledgements
I am grateful to Rob Kosberg and his team at Best Seller
Publishing for helping me create this transformational
book.
I also extend my gratitude to my family and friends who
contributed to this book by giving me space and time to
complete this work.
I am very thankful for my clients and friends who let me
share their stories in this book. Today, they serve as
positive examples and hope to many around the globe.
Finally, I would like to express my love and deep gratitude
to Uli Fosselman for her loving support with this book and
allowing me to bring it to the world.
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About the Author
Robert Szentes is a transformational teacher and a Master
Hypnotherapist in San Diego, California.
He was born and raised in Hungary. At the age of 19 he
became depressed and began to suffer from PTSD after he
witnessed his friend being shot. Later in his 30s he
developed very painful digestive problems. His life came to
a complete stop in his early 40s when he had repeated
seizures and a small stroke. Robert could no longer
continue his career as an engineering manager, so he
resigned and dedicated his life to his healing.
Through the professional help of a Master Hypnotherapist,
Robert experienced noticeable positive changes for the first
time. Hypnosis and NLP changed his life and brought him
back to a fully functional life.
After an unbelievable recovery, Robert spent years
studying the subconscious mind. He sought out reputable
mentors and courses and learned from many well-known
therapists from around the world. As he healed and
gradually transitioned from constant pain to wellbeing, he
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also discovered secrets of the subconscious mind that
created positive or negative results in people's lives.
Today, Robert is free from old pains. He is able to live a
healthy, passionate and purposeful life with love and a true
sense of contribution. Robert is dedicated to helping his
fellow humans find new and effective ways to transform
and achieve their goals and legacy in life.
www.amindinstitute.com
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Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION ........................................................................................... 8
CHAPTER 1 OUR MIND AND OUR BELIEFS – LIMITING BELIEF
FUNDAMENTALS ...................................................................................... 13
WHAT MAKES THIS BOOK DIFFERENT? .................................................... 14
THE IMPORTANCE OF A STRONG FOUNDATION ....................................... 15
HOW TO APPROACH INFORMATION IN THIS BOOK................................. 16
THE KEY TO LASTING CHANGES .................................................................. 17
OUR MIND ........................................................................................................... 18
HOW OUR MIND WORKS ................................................................................ 22
OUR BELIEFS ...................................................................................................... 29
HOW WE FILTER EXPERIENCES .................................................................... 32
WHAT IS A DISEMPOWERING OR “LIMITING” BELIEF? ......................... 36
HOW A DISEMPOWERING “LIMITING” BELIEF IS BORN ........................ 39
WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE SOMETHING YOU DISLIKE ............................ 46
CHAPTER 2 WHY WE BLOCK OUT THE GOOD – NOT FEELING
DESERVING AND WORTHY ................................................................... 50
THE GATEKEEPER OF POSITIVE CHANGE .................................................. 52
WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? .................................................. 55
I SAVED A LIFE BUT STIFLED MINE............................................................. 56
IDENTIFY YOUR FIRST SABOTEURS............................................................. 60
SPECIAL NOTE: .................................................................................................. 63
CHAPTER 3 THERE IS NOT ENOUGH – SCARCITY MINDSET ..... 64
SCARCITY OR OPPORTUNITY ......................................................................... 69
START BREAKING YOUR SCARCITY PATTERNS ...................................... 70
CLIENT SESSION ................................................................................................ 72
CHAPTER 4 “I AM ALONE” – THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE ......... 76
FAR BEYOND THE PHYSICAL ......................................................................... 77
THE MAIN REASON WHY HUMANS SUFFER ............................................. 78
THE TOXIC TRIO THAT CREATES SUICIDE ................................................ 79
THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE .......................................................................... 80
THE LACK OF SELF LOVE ............................................................................... 85
CHAPTER 5 SECRETS TO LASTING SELF ESTEEM ......................... 86
SELF-ESTEEM INFLUENCED FROM AN EARLY AGE ................................ 88
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OUR NEGATED LANGUAGE AND WHAT IT DOES .................................... 94
FEAR OF FAILURE .............................................................................................. 98
DISEMPOWERING BELIEFS ON FAILURE ................................................... 101
BELIEFS ABOUT “NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH” .................................... 102
FINDING DISEMPOWERING BELIEFS BEHIND “NOT BEING GOOD
ENOUGH” ........................................................................................................... 104
SPECIAL NOTE: ................................................................................................ 107
FEAR OF JUDGMENT AND FEAR OF REJECTION ...................................... 108
WHAT IS JUDGMENT?..................................................................................... 109
OUR MIND’S VIEW OF REJECTION ............................................................. 112
HOW TO ELIMINATE THE FEAR OF JUDGMENT AND REJECTION ...... 116
FEAR OF NOT BEING ACCEPTED ................................................................ 118
CLIENTS’ FEEDBACK AFTER THEIR BREAKTHROUGH WORK........... 123
IMPORTANT NOTE ........................................................................................... 124
CHAPTER 6 OUR POWER AND STRENGTH................................... 125
VULNERABILITY .............................................................................................. 126
DUALITIES AND EXTREMES ......................................................................... 128
AFFIRMATIONS ABOUT POWER .................................................................. 129
FEAR OF OUR OWN POWER.......................................................................... 130
CLIENT SESSION ON HELPLESSNESS ......................................................... 131
THE DESPERATE NEED TO CONTROL ........................................................ 135
DISCOVERING SOME OTHER CAUSES OF CONTROL ISSUES ............... 140
CLIENT INTERVIEW ......................................................................................... 141
SEVERE ANGER AND RAGE .......................................................................... 144
CHAPTER 7 STUCK IN OUR DEEPEST FEARS ............................... 147
NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF FOCUSING ONLY ON SURVIVAL AND STAYING
IN SELF-PRESERVATION MODE FOR TOO LONG .................................... 151
EXERCISE TO WORK THROUGH IRRATIONAL SAFETY CONCERNS .. 154
OTHER IRRATIONAL SAFETY CONCERNS THAT CAN SABOTAGE LIFE
.............................................................................................................................. 156
FINAL THOUGHTS............................................................................................ 161
CHAPTER 8 THE PRESENCE AND THE ABSENCE OF LOVE ..... 163
WHY LOVE CAN BE DIFFICULT TO CONVEY.......................................... 167
HOW WE GET DISCONNECTED OR BLOCKED FROM LOVE ................ 168
THREE EXAMPLES HOW THIS CAN HAPPEN ........................................... 170
EXAMPLES OF HOW WE SUBSTITUTE LOVE ........................................... 171
WHAT PARENTS CAN DO TO MINIMIZE MISTAKES ............................. 173
FIND AND ELIMINATE DESTRUCTIVE BELIEFS AND GET
RECONNECTED TO LOVE ............................................................................... 175
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CLIENT SESSION .............................................................................................. 176
CLIENT FEEDBACK AFTER BEING RECONNECTED TO LOVE ............. 179
OUR BIGGEST FEAR ........................................................................................ 180
BENEFITS YOU GET WHEN YOU DO THIS WORK................................. 181
CHAPTER 9 TECHNIQUES AND POSITIVE LEARNINGS ............ 183
DISCLAIMER ...................................................................................................... 183
THE TECHNIQUES I RECOMMEND TO SAFELY ELIMINATE
DISEMPOWERING BELIEFS ............................................................................ 185
INITIAL STEP ..................................................................................................... 187
TIME DYNAMICS™ TECHNIQUE ................................................................. 190
THE LAST STEP (FUTURE PACING) ............................................................ 198
EMPTY CHAIR TECHNIQUE ........................................................................... 199
DESCRIPTION - EMPTY CHAIR TECHNIQUE ............................................. 200
NEXT STEP......................................................................................................... 201
THE LAST STEP (FUTURE PACING) ............................................................ 203
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? ................................................................................ 204
WHAT “POSITIVE LEARNINGS” ARE AND WHY THEY ARE
IMPORTANT ....................................................................................................... 206
RECOMMENDED POINTS TO CONSIDER AND APPLY TO OUR LIVES AT
ANY GIVEN MOMENT .................................................................................... 206
CONCLUSION ........................................................................................... 210
THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE FOR MOST PEOPLE ......................................... 210
THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS WORK ............................................................. 210
TAKE OUT THE TRASH................................................................................... 211
HAPPINESS ......................................................................................................... 212
Copyright © 2014 Robert Szentes
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of
the author or publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.
AFG24C4A
Best Seller Publishing
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Introduction
I have been a Master Hypnotherapist and Master Neuro-
Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner since 2010. I
was introduced to this field after my corporate life came to
a halt in my early forties, when I began to experience
painful seizures and my left arm and left leg became
partially paralyzed after a small stroke.
It was a very painful and intimidating experience as I
became unable to move freely or even complete simple
everyday tasks. My body was shaking, and I had
inexplicable emotional outbreaks. I didn’t recognize
myself. I became physically and mentally incapable of
taking care of myself, and incapable of functioning in my
engineering career. My life as I knew it ended.
Before I hit the bottom, I experienced pain for many
years, both emotional and physical. To find solutions, I
tried many things from yoga courses to psychotherapy and
medications for over twenty years. They all helped to some
degree, but I was not able to sustain a happy and healthy
life despite the many avenues explored. I had temporary
relief here and there, but the problems kept coming back,
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and it became very frustrating to live with the lack of
progress and I gradually lost hope.
After my stroke, a friend recommended Neuro
Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis, which I was
unfamiliar with at that time. I had already lost everything I
ever worked for. My marriage was over, and my house was
foreclosed on, so why not give this a serious shot?
I went to see a master practitioner and for the first time
in my life, I experienced undeniable shifts and changes
beyond my expectations. I began to learn that my pain
stemmed from different unresolved negative emotions and
erroneous beliefs which created the undesirable
circumstances I was experiencing.
After my life changing sessions, I became very curious
about what was going on, and I wanted to understand more.
I began to learn hypnosis, Neuro Linguistic Programming,
and the workings of the subconscious mind. During my
studies I went to seminars and workshops, and I studied
more. I sought out reputable therapists and mentors to learn
from.
I became a practitioner, later a master practitioner, then a
trainer and teacher. I tried and applied the new learnings to
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myself and I was able to miraculously rebuild my health
and life one step at a time.
As I was shedding my negative beliefs and emotions, I
was shifting more and more away from the pain and the
negative thought patterns. I began to feel better and I was
able to think more positively for a change. I realized that
this type of subconscious work had the ability to address
and eliminate the root cause of my problems to create
lasting changes.
I continued to get better and I noticed that people around
me had similar challenges. This was a very interesting
turning point for me. Instead of seeking help and being in
pain, I was able to see others’ needs and I began to serve
them in new ways. I offered my help to them, and they
experienced the same undeniable positive changes.
I learned more and helped more people. I continued to
help more and more people and I found that the challenges
they had were very similar in nature, even across cultural
and geographical boundaries.
So far, I interviewed thousands and personally coached
hundreds of people from different parts of the world; from
different socioeconomic backgrounds and the problems
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they shared were identical to one another. They were
identical to the problems I once had.
I dug deeper and researched the root causes of the
physical and emotional problems people were suffering
from. Such common problems are depression, anxiety,
hopelessness, self-esteem issues, relationship challenges,
nonstop stress, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and even
PTSD to list a few.
The problems I found are so common that they can
easily diminish the quality of life for millions of people.
They don’t know the tools and available options, so they
become frustrated and lose hope. I was once in that boat.
As I began to understand these subtle secrets of the
subconscious mind, I became able to help even those folks
who thought would never be able to have a happy life
again, because they were dealing with very deep problems.
My personal experiences and the many transformations I
was fortunate enough to facilitate and witness are what
inspired me to write this book and talk about these subtle
secrets. I will share my years of therapy experience,
including my own healing and over four years of research.
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I will describe the seven most common subconscious
“blocks” that showed up repeatedly and sabotaged life for
me and my clients and took away from a sustainable happy
life. Whenever there is sabotage or unnecessary negative
emotions in your life, you will find that at least one of these
chapters will have applicable and relevant information to
help you hone in on the root cause of it.
At the end of the book, I included techniques that you
can use to help eliminate the problems. If you learn this
information presented in this book and apply the techniques
correctly, you can start shifting closer and closer to a happy
and fulfilling life of your choice.
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Chapter 1 Our Mind and Our Beliefs –
Limiting Belief Fundamentals
Despite years or even decades of hard work and effort,
many people may find it difficult to reach their goals and
desires in life. Goals and desires tend to be universal in
nature as almost every person is interested in finding a
loving relationship, obtaining perfect health and happiness,
becoming physically and emotionally well and making
more money while having time left to spend with family
and friends.
All these different ideas are possible to achieve for all of
us, but the majority of the population doesn’t know the
reasons why things are not happening for them. There are a
few different reasons, but the biggest culprit is because
most people travel through life with heavy baggage, not
realizing that much of it should be left behind. This
baggage slows them down from moving forward, and it
gets in the way of progress.
The baggage I am talking about is the unresolved
negative emotions and destructive beliefs people carry
subconsciously, sabotaging them daily outside of their
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awareness. These deeply hidden negative emotions and
harmful beliefs are highly damaging to their emotional and
physical wellbeing, and a combination of some of these
beliefs could even have the power to ruin their lives. The
topic of this book is these deeply buried and destructive
beliefs including some of the “core” negative beliefs
unknown to many.
What Makes This Book Different?
Through years of researching the subconscious mind,
attending workshops, and seminars, I have discovered that
more and more people are becoming familiar with the
concept of disempowering or limiting beliefs as they
understand the negative consequences those beliefs create.
I also noticed that many people begin to learn different
techniques on how to eliminate these negative beliefs, but
most of them quickly reach a limit to what they find and
work through by themselves.
They reach that limit because they are not familiar with
some very important information. They do not know what
to look for and how to find the problems that hide deeply in
the subconscious mind. I had the same challenge, and it
took me years of searching, meeting different people, and
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learning from them before I was able to discover and
eliminate these hidden and damaging beliefs. While there
are other great books out there that bring valuable answers
and solutions, the information presented in this book is a
missing critical piece.
I decided to write this book with the intention to bridge
this critical gap for people, so they can start creating
positive shifts toward a happier and a more fulfilling life.
The Importance of a Strong Foundation
I wrote this book to serve as a long-term tool and
reference guide to help you uncover certain “blocks” that
keep you stuck, and also to help you gain exposure to some
very important principles. I will show you how these
principles fit your daily life and why they are important.
Many of these principles are overlooked because they seem
subtle and often are counterintuitive.
We tend to think mainly in black and white terms, but
the secrets are in the subtleties and seldom in the
“obvious.” I suggest you learn this information; read this
material a few times because it teaches very important
fundamentals.
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It may also be tempting to rush ahead to the advanced
material and techniques right away. But, if you have not
learned the fundamentals, you will lack a solid foundation
to build anything on top of. It’s important to master the
fundamentals first, even if they seem ridiculously simple.
The more you learn, the more you will realize that the
simple fundamentals are very deep, and the details of the
fundamentals are the important things. The deeper your
foundation goes, the higher you can build your success.
How to Approach Information in This Book
This book is not a quick or a one-time read. It has many
deep layers of life changing information in it, which is not
evident unless you are very familiar with the topic or have
done extensive self-development work for years. So, I
suggest that you take the time to reflect on the messages in
each chapter. They will help you bring clarity to many of
the questions you may have been asking all your life. You
might want to keep a journal as you read through the
different sections of the book. You can write down
revelations, intuitive messages your mind gives you, and
also the negative beliefs you identified.
If you already have experience with subconscious work
and changing beliefs, you will find this book to be a great
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addition to what you already learned. If this is your first
exposure to this topic, great! Read it and if something does
not make sense at first, don’t worry. Let it simmer for a
while and a few days or weeks later you can always come
back and see it again. Next time, it will make more sense.
I recommend that you read at least Chapter 1 all the way
through and become familiar with the topic in Chapter 2
also. These two chapters explain the basics, so the rest of
the information in this book can be understood more easily.
After that you can read the book out of order, if that applies
better to your life. Whichever approach fits your personal
needs.
The Key to Lasting Changes
Before we begin, I would like to mention something
very important and I am sure you will agree. In order to
enjoy a better life with improved results, we must change
some of our approaches and strategies. If we don’t change,
we will be doing the same things expecting different
results. Albert Einstein already called this approach:
“insanity.”
Unfortunately change is surrounded by fear, which holds
millions of lives hostage. Change is inevitable, and if we
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get in the way of it, we will pay a big price. Most people
think that by avoiding change they will find peace, but as
you could suspect that thought is driven by denial,
indecision and fear. Good feelings come from
accomplishments and positive changes, not from
stagnation.
It is true that change initially comes with some
discomfort, but being stagnant is guaranteed to create pain
in the long run. To avoid this, we must be willing to accept
change, adjust and learn new things. These changes and
learnings need to take place at a subconscious level! I will
show you how that can be done.
"You cannot change your destination overnight, but you
can change your direction overnight."
– Jim Rohn
Our Mind
We may know about the mind-body connection, but I
have found that most people (and even studies) focus
mainly on our physical aspect. The physical part of us is
very important; exercise, diet, nutrition and good rest are
much needed in order to feel good and have the energy and
health to enjoy life. However, I have learned the great
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importance of our mind, which is often overlooked,
creating lifelong challenges for many people, and keeping
them stuck.
What is our mindset? The concept of “mindset” is not
well understood and it is often misperceived. Most people
are only familiar with the terms “open mind” and “closed
mind,” but these expressions only indicate broad concepts
that do not mean much to most people.
Put simply, our mindset is our attitude and the way we
think about circumstances and people. The way we think
influences how we feel and that impacts how we make
decisions, and how we interact in different settings.
Our mindset influences our results and the level of
success in life. Happiness, wellbeing and success are
functions of the mind. This is a huge missing piece in the
world and not taught widely! A few people know it and of
course they enjoy a great life, but most people must tweak
their mindset if they want to achieve different and better
results.
Here are a couple examples; the first one is to
demonstrate a negative mindset. Have you seen people who
are constantly depressed or angry and have excuses for
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everything? What are they thinking and feeling nonstop to
have such reactions to life? They probably don’t even know
what it is that makes them unhappy, but likely deep in their
subconscious mind there are troubling memories,
unresolved negative emotions and beliefs creating their
misery.
Here is an example for a positive mindset. Have you
seen someone with a “can do” attitude? No matter what life
presents to them, they take care of it and usually succeed.
Many leaders and entrepreneurs are good examples, who
tend to view everything as a possibility and an opportunity.
They also have the drive and the willingness to go for
things even if there are setbacks along the way. It is likely
that these people have done self-development work and
learned to train their mind to be natural at success.
What is your mind's diet? What are your continuous
thoughts and feelings? What are your patterns and habits?
This is important to discover and become aware of because
whatever we think and feel, we actively perpetuate. What
we feed our mind is what our life becomes.
The problem is that more than 90 percent of what we
think or feel is subconscious, and it is running all day and
all night in the background without us being aware of it.
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I found that many people confuse the mind with the
brain. They are not the same. The brain is a physical organ
in our body while the mind is our thoughts, experiences,
and perceptions. The definition goes much deeper, but that
is a good enough description for now. If you are familiar
with computers, the brain would be the Central Processing
Unit (CPU), and the mind would be the Operating System.
The brain takes the mind’s commands and translates
them to the physical plane; creating behaviors, responses,
and emotions in the physical body. Our bodies are
machines; we do what our mind tells us to do whether we
are aware of it or not. Our reactions, our behaviors, even
most of what we say are subconscious, driven by our mind
without us knowing what we do, what we say and how we
react to things.
Here are a couple of examples to show you that how we
experience the world around us is a result of our mind’s
programs outside of our daily awareness:
Can you remember a time when you ran into someone
who made you smile and gave you warm feelings and
reminded you of good old times? Hopefully, you can. Are
you choosing to be happy and choosing to feel good
consciously? Do you really influence how you feel about
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certain people? No, it happens whether you want it or not;
it happens subconsciously. This is like when you meet
some folks, and you feel angry or triggered by them,
because they said or did something.
Are you choosing to be angry and triggered consciously?
The answer again is no. All of that is happening
subconsciously, based on how your mind programs
interpret the outside world and what meaning your mind
attaches to people and circumstances.
If you don’t like how you feel or react to others, there
are ways and techniques to change that. First you need to
become aware of what is happening and what you are
doing. Once you become consciously aware of these things,
you can change them around as needed, but not until then. I
will give you many examples throughout the book about
the little things we say and do and what they mean from the
mind’s perspective.
How Our Mind Works
Our mind records everything that has ever happened to
us. It is recording our life like a satellite TV recorder. The
difference is that our mind never runs out of space; there is
no limit to how much it can record. It has an infinitely large
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storage, and it does not care what it records; it does not get
emotionally involved. Just like the satellite box does not
care if it records a cooking show or a war movie. We are
the ones who experience emotions, and our mind pays
attention to those emotions.
If we like something and feel good in the event, the
mind files it in the “Happy” category. If we experience
something unpleasant, our mind takes note of it and puts it
in the “Needs work” category.
Here is something very important to be aware of. Our
mind wants us to feel good at all times, so it suppresses
negative events and emotions as long as it can. As we move
through life, later our mind pulls old events from the
“Needs Work” category and presents them to us for
resolution. Most people run from these inside messages and
have no idea that these are happening for specific reasons.
Our mind has a very deep understanding of our true
potential and journey, and when we deviate from that path,
and we neglect to learn the necessary “lessons”, it will send
us signals to direct us and guide us.
To best understand things let’s call our subconscious
mind our “imagination." Our imagination brings us many
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images, pictures, expressions and self-talk throughout the
day. Our subconscious mind speaks to us through these
pictures, images and expressions, but these do not always
convey what most of us think.
They also carry symbolic messages, which are important
things we need to recognize!
Sometimes the messages from our mind can be similar
to children’s stories. They can seem vague or simplistic,
but there are deeper meanings and lessons behind them.
Our mind is not interested in the story itself; it mainly cares
about the moral of the story and the lessons we are
supposed to learn.
Most people only pay attention to the story and do not
realize that they are spending a lot of time and energy
on the wrong thing!
To give you an example: if your mind (imagination)
showed you a wolf, what would you say it represented?
Some people might say aggression; others might say fear or
hunger. You will have your own interpretation and
association with it. Your mind brings you these images,
because it knows what you need to see and learn from it. It
might show you the wolf because it is telling you to eat,
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since you are hungry like a wolf. It might show you the
wolf because you are a lone wolf, and that lifestyle may not
fit you.
These messages vary based on the individual. The same
image and message can represent something different for
the next person. I will give you many real life examples
throughout the book what these lessons are and how our
mind communicates them to us.
These messages are never expressed negatively, and
they are not meant to be mean or hurtful. They are always
presented with love and the desire for us to improve, learn,
and have a good life. The lack of awareness is what causes
humans to ignore these messages and continue to be in
emotional pain.
Once they understand this and learn the necessary
positive lessons, the old pain is released, and it is not
presented anymore!
Here is an example of how people miss the positive
learning by focusing on the wrong thing. You can see and
hear this everywhere. I asked several people after they
experienced something unpleasant, what they learned and
took away from that event. Unfortunately, almost every
26
single one of them said something negative: “I learned that
I cannot trust people” or “I learned that other people are
mean.” These learnings are not positive. They do not come
from a place of empowerment, a place of higher truth and
understanding.
Instead, a positive learning would consist of
understanding what resources the other people were lacking
and why they perceived things that way.
In every story, there is another angle. It is entirely
possible that the other side’s perception was incorrect.
Even then, we shouldn’t take things personally! We need to
see beyond the immediate and be more aware as other
people have their own views and interpretations.
Those different views and perceptions should not affect
us because if we get sucked into others' negative situations,
we will be in the same negative energy where we cannot be
of value and help.
To add to the positive learning, we also need to observe
our own reactions and learn to pay attention to what is
happening at a deeper level. Other people and interactions
give us reactions, feedback and subconscious messages
daily, but most of us don’t know what to make of them.
27
Sometimes this feedback is positive, and other times it
feels negative and triggers us. I will talk more about why
others trigger us, why we interpret triggers negatively, and
how we can change it in Chapter 5.
If we do not learn the necessary positive lessons, our
mind will continue presenting issues of a similar symbolic
nature to us until we learn. Our mind’s messages will
become louder and bigger, and the outside events (our lives
and circumstances), will become more uncomfortable. The
messages will come with more intense negative emotions. I
will give different examples in later chapters what these
symbols are and how you can identify them.
The longer we wait to resolve things, the worse things
get over time and the more intense the pain becomes. That
is why our own personal history tends to repeat itself. We
don’t pay attention to these messages and won’t learn the
positive lessons soon enough.
Our mind will present these messages to us over and
again with ever-increasing intensity until we “get it” and
take care of them. Some call such repeat events: patterns,
negative habits, loops, or gestalts.
28
I would like to reemphasize that the unpleasant
reminders don’t happen because our mind is punishing us.
They happen because our mind is requesting us to learn,
grow and work through our problems. Once we learn
empowering lessons and teach our mind, it will move the
old junk to the “Happy” category, and the unpleasant
reminders will be gone. The old problems will not be
brought to our attention anymore, and we will be free from
old pains.
In order to escape some uncomfortable reminders from
the mind, some people might tell you to forget the past and
move on. This may work for minor things, but in most
cases, trying to forget the past is the wrong approach! I was
taught the same thing and it almost killed me.
I tried to forget the past, but the past did not want to
forget me. I did not understand that my past held important
information in it, which I never learned. Because of these
unlearned lessons, my mind kept sending me reminders in
the form of intense pain.
I learned the hard way that I should not aim to forget the
past, but rather understand it, learn from it and resolve the
negative emotions and events. Once I did that, my past left
me alone and my mind gave me my peace back.
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Have you heard the saying, “time heals everything?”
Most people believe that means to wait, so the problem
would go away. If you have lived long enough, you know
that ignoring problems does not make them go away; it just
makes them worse. This misunderstanding causes most
people to put things off and only pay attention when it is
too late and when the pain is already unbearable. (There is
one exception to this, which is grief after a loss. It is a
process, which a person needs to go through, and it can
take some time.)
Time heals as a tool and as a technique, but not as an
excuse to wait and put things off. Time heals when we
understand why things happened, and we work through the
challenges and eliminate them.
This requires awareness, willingness to take
responsibility for our lives and the willingness to accept
change.
Our Beliefs
“What the mind of man can conceive and truly believe, it
can achieve,” said Napoleon Hill in his famous book:
Think and Grow Rich. I have learned to appreciate this
statement, and I have learned this to be true.
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However, our beliefs are not always communicated in
our everyday language, and I also found that most people
do not have the vocabulary developed to identify and
describe beliefs either.
A belief is a habit of thought. This can be negative or
positive. We say things like: “I think,” “I feel,” “the fact
is,” “my opinion is,” “my conviction is,” or “this is how I
see it” without realizing that we are describing our views,
our perceptions, and ultimately our beliefs.
Fortunately, that is changing. More and more people are
becoming aware of their own thought patterns and beliefs
and how those thoughts and beliefs influence their lives.
Our beliefs affect what and how we see, hear, and
experience things. They influence the decisions we make,
the emotions we experience and the way we act and
respond to life’s events. Our beliefs will either allow us
observe things as they are, or distort the experience and
give us false meanings and interpretations of events and
circumstances.
You might be familiar with Dr. Bruce Lipton’s Biology
of Belief, book or video on YouTube. He scientifically
proves that our perceptions create responses in our body
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and neurology, influencing our health positively or
negatively. Certain negative thoughts and perceptions can
bring serious illnesses and diseases to the physical body.
Conversely, different positive thoughts and perceptions
can create healing and wellbeing. When we change
negative perceptions, which translate to negative beliefs,
we can become healthy and happy as if nothing happened
before.
In other words, our perceptions, our beliefs are capable
of keeping us in misery, or they could create an amazing
life even if it seemed impossible before.
This phenomenon happens subconsciously, in the back
of our mind. While most of our beliefs serve us, there are
many of them that get in the way of our happiness and
wellbeing. The beliefs that bring negative results and
sabotage to our lives can be changed once we become
aware of them.
After we change these harmful beliefs, our lives and life
results can begin to improve, but not until then. Hope you
see why it is important to accept change, since without it,
we will continue to self-sabotage.
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People often say that they’ll believe something when
they see it. There is an inherent problem with that
statement. By saying this they already doubted and
disbelieved that idea. They created a block to the possibility
of achieving it, even if this was exactly what they wanted.
Those of you who are familiar with the Law of
Attraction probably know that what we truly believe and
want in life we can manifest in our physical reality. What
we doubt will not come to us, or if it gets close, we might
filter it out and reject the possibility of it. The problem is
that our doubts are often fears and disempowering beliefs,
which many people are not aware of.
It is vital to discover the many subtle and quiet beliefs
we have as they can make or break the level of success and
happiness in our lives.
How We Filter Experiences The quality of our life depends on what we focus on!
What we focus on is determined by what we deem
important. If food becomes important because we are
hungry, we will focus on finding food, and we will not rest
till we eat. If sleep is important to us, we will focus on
finding a safe place to sleep. These are simple everyday
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examples, which describe some fundamental physical
needs.
However, our focus goes thousands of times deeper
mainly influenced by our hidden subconscious beliefs
without us being aware of it. In each of the following
chapters, I will describe different groups of beliefs making
us focus on things completely outside of our awareness and
bringing us results that may not be beneficial at all.
For example, in Chapter 7, I will explain non-beneficial
beliefs about safety and danger. There are many people
who believe that they are not safe, and life is full of danger,
even if the circumstances are completely friendly and
inviting. They focus on how to plan an escape route,
defense tactics, safety and self-preservation at any cost
even if it makes no logical sense. While they focus on
safety, which means that they really don’t feel safe, they do
not focus on enjoying life. They will miss out.
In Chapter 8, I will talk about harmful beliefs regarding
love. One common and very dangerous belief is when
people say: “love hurts." People who have that belief might
avoid falling in love and getting too involved in a
relationship. They will focus on staying on the safe side,
and when the relationship could progress to the next level,
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they might find excuses to not continue. Their focus is to
stay away from being hurt, to avoid disappointment and to
stay away from a loving relationship since they believe
“love hurts.”
These thoughts and responses do not happen out of
choice. The behaviors and actions people exhibit are
prompted by their emotions and beliefs stored in their
subconscious mind. Once people realize that negative
results and negative emotions do not have to be a part of
life, they can learn how to “switch off” or “deactivate” their
harmful beliefs and create more pleasant experiences for
themselves.
Here’s an exercise to show you how our focus filters
things in and out without us being aware of what we are
doing. This exercise is fun, and it might be best done when
facilitated by someone else, so you can focus on the
exercise itself.
Pick an environment that is colorful and focus only on
one color, such as yellow. Take a mental note of everything
that is yellow. Focus on it and do this for about 10-15
seconds, and then close your eyes. With your eyes closed,
list all the things that were light blue. (You can pick the
colors of your choice). You may be able to say one or two
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things, but most of the time you will remember nothing of
the other color. Because it was not important; you did not
focus on it, so you did not see it.
Another example: On your way to work, how many grey
cars did you count? How many clouds did you see? You
probably don’t remember. Why? Because you weren’t
focusing on those. You may have been focusing on driving,
work, or even thinking about what to have for dinner. The
grey cars and the clouds were not important to you, so you
did not see them.
We do this day after day. This is true for picking
romantic partners, what food we eat, what we wear, and
how we remember events and people. We can only observe
and remember the outside world by what our emotions and
beliefs permit us to see and how we filtered information in
or out.
Most of this happens outside of our conscious
awareness. That is why so many people do not see what is
in front of them or what they see is often misinterpreted.
They are also unable to see the potential and the
possibilities. They either filter those things out by not even
focusing on them or when they see them, they believe those
opportunities are impossible.
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What is a Disempowering or “Limiting” Belief?
Believe it or not, life is designed to be happy and
abundant. Life will give us anything that we are willing and
able to believe and pursue. Life is not that way for many
people because they have many erroneous beliefs in place,
which block them from seeing and achieving more. If you
don’t believe that, there is your first limiting belief.
Whatever we believe about life, beneficial or not, will be
presented to us by the subconscious mind. The
subconscious does not differentiate between empowering or
disempowering beliefs (these are often referred to as
“Limiting Beliefs," because they limit us from enjoying a
better and more abundant life).
The subconscious mind considers all beliefs true and it
will show us evidence in our lives to prove that all of
those beliefs are present and alive.
If we don’t have the results we want, we need to look at
our thought patterns, emotions and beliefs to see what is
getting in the way of our goals and desires. Beliefs are
much more than just simple words or statements. They are
deeply rooted in our lives and embedded in our neurology.
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We may not realize this, but our beliefs write the script
to our lives!
A well-known example for a disempowering belief is the
story of the elephant chained to small wooden stake in the
ground. The moment the elephant feels the chain tightening
between his leg and a wooden stake, he stops moving and
stays where he is. Why is this? When he was young, he was
tethered to a concrete pole, and he learned that he could not
move beyond a certain point. Once he accepted this reality,
he stopped fighting. Today, he could easily pull the wooden
stake out of the ground and walk away, but he was
conditioned to believe he could only go so far. Now that
conditioning and belief is his limitation and his reality.
Similarly, circus fleas only jumps as high as the top of
the jar, because when they were trained there was a hard lid
on the jar, and they hit their heads if they jumped too high.
They learned to jump only up to a certain height to avoid
pain and now they are conditioned to jump slightly below
where the lid used to be.
Are we humans any different? No! We move through
life based on what we consider true; what we believe and
what we don’t. Whatever limitations we learned in the past
we also engraved in our mind that anything above those
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limits is impossible. As you probably already suspect,
many beliefs we have are incorrect, but they can only be
changed once we become aware of them. Most people have
hundreds, if not thousands of erroneous beliefs sabotaging
them on a daily basis and getting in the way of their
wellbeing, completely outside of their conscious awareness.
These hidden and damaging beliefs are my specialty,
and I worked with hundreds of clients to identify and
remove very deep sabotaging beliefs they did not even
know they were running.
To give you a few examples of what disempowering
beliefs may sound like: “I am not good enough," “I am not
worthy of a good life," “women are only after money,"
“money is hard to come by," “I am not worthy of love,"
“Love hurts."
Thoughts and statements that create sadness, hurt,
concerns and fears in us and diminish the quality of our
lives are most likely disempowering beliefs.
There are thousands of possibilities for these erroneous
beliefs. Some of them directly influence our fight or flight
response. They can force us into perpetual survival mode
creating the deepest fears imaginable to us. Other negative
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belief combinations diminish the quality of our social
interactions. Some cause us to act out of character, shy, or
even violent. Some negative beliefs combinations will
sabotage romantic relationships. Others have the power to
take away good health, and some can even make people
stay broke. I will introduce you to these hidden beliefs
throughout the book.
Have you ever asked for advice from friends or family
members and they tried to talk you out of something that
you believed you could do? If you have the belief and the
drive to pursue your dreams and desires and it makes you
tingle inside, you may have found something very precious.
Make sure you do not let others’ fears and limitations
adversely influence your path. Those are their limitations
and negative beliefs and not yours!
How a Disempowering “Limiting” Belief is
Born
Our beliefs only exist because we made decisions at
some point in the past to perceive things a certain way. The
deciding event happened either to us, or to our parents, and
in most cases outside of our conscious awareness.
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There are two significant periods in any child’s life. The
first period is from age 0-7, which is called the “Imprint
Stage." The other important period is from 7-14, which is
called “The Modeling Stage." We end up with most of our
disempowering beliefs by the age of 7, but we can still
create a few different ones later in our adolescent or
teenage years.
When we are very young, we depend on the ones around
us to take care of us, to feed us, love us, and keep us safe.
During this period, we are very receptive to information
from our surroundings and like a dry sponge we soak up
anything that comes our way. Because almost every day
brings us something new to learn: learning to eat, to crawl,
and then learning to walk, learning to ride a bike, going to
kindergarten; we regularly stretch our mind as we
continuously absorb new information and input.
Throughout the day, we continuously evaluate what is
happening around us. Even without well-formed words, we
subconsciously make many decisions, which reflect what
we experienced and how we perceived things.
These decisions are simply stated, and they can express
a perception or a feeling like: “mom loves me," “dad
loves me," “life is good," “food is good," “I am safe.”
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There can be several variations. The child makes these
observations or decisions subconsciously, without anyone
knowing about it. Even the child does not consciously
know that he made those decisions. Each decision the child
made becomes locked in his subconscious mind and from
then on his mind will honor the decisions as long-term
beliefs. These beliefs will also become active scripts to the
child’s life.
As you can see, these subconscious decisions were made
in a fraction of a second. They were a quick assessment of
the moment, and they were decided based on how the child
perceived the experiences. The decisions I listed above are
positive and beneficial, and they will create a good life for
the child.
The problems start when a child experiences or
encounters something that he does not understand and
perceives as unloving, non-nurturing or unsafe.
Here is one simple example of how that can happen:
Imagine a 2-year-old child sitting in a high chair with food
on the tray, eating with his hands. He is doing a great job
and mom and dad compliment him and smile. The child
gets excited and becomes more animated, and the next
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fistful moves with more momentum. He misses, and some
of the food ends up on the floor.
The parents might have a sudden, extreme reaction such
as “oh no, don’t do that!” They might even yell. If a child
perceives that exclamation as unpleasant or something
concerning, he can make a quick decision to match that
experience and that perception. For this example, he could
decide, “he cannot have fun." Or he could decide, “Mom
and dad don’t love him." There are many different
possibilities.
He can also simply discard the event, continue laughing
and being happy. His life can go on without any adverse
consequences if that’s the case. Again, the perception of the
child determines what meaning he ascribes to the event.
What he perceived influences the decision and what he
begins to believe from then on, subconsciously.
We all have made thousands and thousands of decisions
like that growing up. Some benefit us and others do not.
Another example is a child whose parents get divorced
at an early age. Most children can end up with many
disempowering beliefs such that the “parents don’t love
them," “they do not deserve to be loved,” or that the
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divorce was “their fault.” This is especially common for
younger kids who do not understand the dynamics. At that
young age, it is only natural to be confused by complicated
human interactions. There are plenty of strange things and
confusing experiences for the child beyond his scope of
understanding.
Because the child felt confused and lacked the full
understanding of the situation, the decisions he made were
based on a few moments of distorted perceptions.
Unfortunately, his decisions became long-term beliefs and
less-than-ideal scripts to his life without him being aware
of it.
Most disempowering beliefs are stated with childish
innocence and simplicity. Unfortunately, over time we
learned to use complex expressions of “logic” to overpower
and discredit these important messages that reveal
problems.
This defensive logic is the enemy of change and the real
cause of emotional pain!
You will find that the main reason why so many people
are stuck is because they only talk about their problems, but
don't do the subconscious change work. Most people are
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very smart at the logical level, but stifled at the emotional
level. Until the emotional level (subconscious) is healed
and mastered, no real change has taken place.
How do we know we have disempowering beliefs?
Sometimes, these can be complex to identify because they
are stored deep in the subconscious part of our mind. We
can become aware of them by looking at our life and see if
the circumstances are pleasing or not. We can also identify
negative beliefs through the language we use, or our
negative self-talk.
I have also found that limiting beliefs are strongly
shaped by the different cultural upbringings, and the
economic backgrounds people come from.
It is also possible that our parents decided some of our
disempowering beliefs, and we ended up with them without
knowing it. We can tell by becoming aware of our
thoughts, and seeing if our patterns, feeling and behaviors
are similar in nature to of our parents.
The following is an exact quote from Esther and Jerry
Hicks’ book The Law of Attraction. Jerry asked Abraham
in the section of: “What about the Innocent Little Child?”
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“Jerry: The child is not thinking in words. That is, I
can sense that a child is having thoughts long before he
or she is speaking words.
Abraham: The child is thinking, and receiving
vibrational thought from you on the day that he enters
your environment. That is the reason why beliefs are
transmitted so easily from parent to child, from parent to
child, from parent to child. The child is vibrationally
receiving your fears and your beliefs, even without your
spoken word. If you want to do that which is of greatest
value for your child, give thoughts only to that which
you want, and your child will receive only wanted
thoughts.”
Disempowering beliefs at first can also come across as if
they were just a joke and someone was playing an annoying
game with us. Initially we pushed against them in
frustration, but after a while we accepted the beliefs in
resignation as part of our new life and reality.
We started to live life with these beliefs in place and
observed them coming true over and again. Because they
have been coming true over and again with evidence to
prove it, we learned to defend our own destructive beliefs
should anyone or any circumstance challenge them.
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“But it’s true! Take a look," we might explain and
rationalize our negative reality to others with passion and
deep conviction. By being defensive, we continue to remain
blind to our own problems. The defense, of course, is
prompted subconsciously, and it happens because our mind
is trying to protect our disempowering beliefs. Our mind
will send us pain signals to stop challenging them and
defend them instead because it considers all beliefs true.
This defense and behavior is also referred to as “cognitive
dissonance.”
After we defend our erroneous beliefs, we continue to do
the same things over and over again, without realizing that
we are sabotaging ourselves. In order for the sabotage to
stop, we need to become aware that we are possibly
protecting false perceptions subconsciously. Once we have
the awareness, we can use the techniques to change our
beliefs and change our circumstances.
When You Experience Something You Dislike
When you experience negative emotions from
interactions and events, you may not realize that your mind
is sending messages to you through these signals of
discomfort, requesting you to change something in
yourself. To start making sense out of these feelings you
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can ask yourself these two questions each time you feel
negative emotions or thoughts that are not pleasing.
1. What does this mean / say about the outside world
/ other people?
2. What does this mean / say about you?
Write down the answers you get for each question. Dare
to express honestly, even if it sounds strange or like
“whining." Don’t allow your own conditioning to interfere
with being honest with yourself. This is your chance to
decode your own self-talk and thoughts.
The answers you get for the first question will express
some feelings and beliefs about the world, and the second
will express some feelings and beliefs directly about you.
You might get something like: “the world is unfair," “life
is hard," or “people are mean." The answers to your
second question might be: “I am not appreciated," or “I
am not good enough." Remember these answers.
Throughout the book, I explain what these statements mean
and how they present problems.
We have a going joke with my hypnosis trainer friends
any time we utter statements that are possible
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disempowering beliefs. We say jokingly: “The world is
unfair? When did you decide that?”
As you learned, a false perception of one moment can
easily become a chain of a lifetime. Each belief is the
results of a decision and anything in life can be “re-
decided” and changed.
Discovering disempowering beliefs is only the first step
in the process. This is where many people make their first
mistake! They discover them, but stop right there and do
not work through to “eliminate” or “deactivate” their
negative beliefs. Depending on the depth and the
seriousness of the belief, the sabotage can continue despite
what they expect.
When working through these negative beliefs, you also
must “teach” your mind why it was there and what you can
do better in the future to avoid it. I give good examples of
learnings in the technique section.
Minimize the use of negated language and thoughts or
the learning can be incomplete or even false, so your mind
will continue presenting the issue to you till it is resolved
correctly. (Minimize using don’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t,
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can’t, won’t etc.) I will talk more about the negated
language.
Since these beliefs were recorded by the subconscious
mind in trance, a preferred way to access them is also in
trance, through hypnotherapy and in meditative states. In
this “trance,” our logical mind stops interfering with the
original events. This way, we can talk to the subconscious
mind and address the root cause of the problem.
There won’t be any unnecessary logic and defensive
analysis, so the images and the “movie clips” the mind
brings can be viewed and worked through without
distractions. I will share different client sessions and
demonstrate how they eliminated disempowering beliefs.
Sometimes, we don't realize how much weight we have
been carrying around until we finally allow ourselves to lay
down our burdens. As we begin to remove our negative
beliefs and reshape our thoughts, we will also start
rewriting our own life's script to be more and more aligned
with the direction we want to go.
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Chapter 2 Why We Block Out the Good – Not
Feeling Deserving and Worthy
I would like to show you how to find some of the hidden
blocks your mind holds and how to bring them to the
surface, so that you can become familiar with them. From
now on, I will talk about specific negative thought patterns
and negative beliefs, what they do and how they show up in
life.
This chapter is about the first important building block
of self-worth and self-esteem, explained in terms and
expressions that may not be familiar to everyone. The terms
are simple, but we don’t use them in our daily lives in this
form, but our subconscious mind does.
Our subconscious mind speaks a unique language.
Throughout my coaching career and years of
participating in events, I have met many people who were
talented and had everything it took to be successful and
happy, but somehow they managed to self-sabotage and
turn down offers and opportunities. Some of these seemed
like a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
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I saw this everywhere. This affected relationships,
careers, and even health. People aimed way below their
levels of desire, because they were running specific
negative beliefs.
I have personally witnessed people destroy their dreams
in front of my eyes when, after searching and waiting for
years for their ideal romantic partner, they finally met him
or her. There was mutual attraction, great chemistry,
everything they ever looked for and more, but that did not
seem to matter.
After their ideal partner has arrived, they found ways to
push the partner away by acting in a non-pleasing way.
This often happened because the person did not feel that he
or she “deserved” this ideal partner.
Such acts and interactions do not occur out of conscious
choice, even though we might want to know logically what
happened and why they did what they did. As I mentioned
before, our everyday logic cannot measure up to our
subconscious mind’s logic. Our subconscious mind wins at
the end of the day, no matter how much we push against it.
Our subconscious mind’s logic is superior to any other
logic!
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The Gatekeeper of Positive Change
The first set of destructive beliefs most people struggle
with are beliefs surrounding “deserving” and “being
worthy” of good results. These are two separate beliefs, but
they tend to show up together. While these words may not
exactly be familiar to some, they are universally present.
In the beginning, before the subtlety of these damaging
beliefs is fully understood, some people might say that they
have no problem with it at all. That could be true, but
someone they know is guaranteed to have it. As you could
read in some of the stories I shared above, it is happening
more often than we realize.
See if you feel comfortable about the compensation you
receive or the way people treat you and the way life is
going for you. If you are comfortable, you are probably
doing well. If something could use some improvement, I
suggest you reflect on the different aspects of your life,
your career, your relationship and your health and see why
you don’t have the results you want.
If even one area is not ideal, explore what is getting in
the way. Later in this chapter, I will share some good
questions to ask to see if your mind is running similar
53
negative beliefs. I will also share my personal story and
how I ended up running such a belief and what it did to my
life.
When we have disempowering beliefs such as “we are
undeserving” or “not worthy of something," our mind
will make us behave so that we push opportunities away,
even if we wanted those results. Disempowering beliefs
about “not deserving” get in the way of a natural flow and
balance, since deserving means receiving compensation for
the work and service done.
Negative beliefs about “not being worthy" directly
expresses the compromised self-worth of the individual.
Such beliefs are typically accompanied by other limiting
beliefs such as “I am not good enough” or similar negative
thoughts. I will talk about the secrets to a good self-esteem
in Chapter 5 and give more in-depth detail on the topic.
One day I worked with a middle-aged man who was not
feeling well but refused to go to the doctor. We had a deep
and honest talk, and I asked some questions, so we could
find out what was stopping him from getting the help he
needed. After a few minutes of talking he blurted out this
sentence: “I am not going to the doctor, because I don’t
feel I deserve to be happy.” Of course, once he said it, he
54
was surprised, but I told him that this is how it works, and
that’s how our mind speaks to us.
I worked with another client who had a rough childhood
with abusive parents. Nothing was working out for him, so
he came to see me. He did not feel safe to enter a
relationship; his job situation was less than ideal and
overall, he was unhappy with his life. We talked, and he
was very familiar with the concept of disempowering
beliefs and he flat out said: “I guess, I don’t deserve a
good life.”
These statements come from a very deep place, and
should never be discredited. They are gifts of the
subconscious mind, which are not always presented readily.
We need to learn to capture them, write them down and
resolve them as they create problems for us.
During my initial client interviews, I found that almost
every one of them had these beliefs. When I explained to
them that they can have a life that is happy and
fulfilling, many of them expressed hesitation, because it
sounded “too good to be true.” Is it really too good to be
true or are they feeling undeserving and unworthy of this
new and happy life? I think you know the answer!
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I have also interviewed different people who were
desperately in need of help. They spent tens of thousands of
dollars on gambling and different meaningless purchases,
but when it came to spending money on themselves,
whether it was therapy, self-development or even getting a
nice haircut, the money became a big issue.
The tendency is to lecture people to get their priorities
straight. But these priorities are dictated by the
subconscious disempowering beliefs and they will not be
able to overwrite them because they do not know the root
cause. The root causes are likely negative beliefs of feeling
undeserving and not worthy.
What Have I Done to Deserve This?
Have you heard people shouting out questions like:
“What have I done to deserve this?” What are they really
saying? I hope you noticed that they shouted out their
disempowering belief.
Unfortunately, millions of people worldwide use their
language without any awareness that their words and
expressions carry deeper messages. Their words
continuously hand them the key to their own prison cell,
but they filter it out and leave it behind.
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We need to slow down our thoughts and our speech and
listen to what is being said. We can discover the patterns,
beliefs and blocks that define our reality.
I Saved a Life but Stifled Mine
The following is how I acquired a quiet damaging belief
of being undeserving. When I was 14 years old, I was a
strong competitive swimmer. I was at summer camp with
my teachers and classmates, camping by a lake and hiking
in the forest. One day, I had just come out of the lake when
I heard a family close to me panicking and pointing at the
water.
A girl, a little younger than me, was drowning.
Immediately, I swam like mad to rescue the girl; I got there
right on time. Even though I was not trained in that type of
rescue, I managed to swim us both to shore, which was
harder than I thought. I did not know that a panicking body
was so difficult to manage in addition to my own. Once we
reached the shore; she ran to her family.
Everybody was crying and screaming in relief and joy.
While all this was happening, I stood there feeling very
strange. I never saved a life before, and it felt very
empowering. I was quiet and proud. The family was so
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wrapped up in their extreme emotions that nobody paid any
attention to me. Nobody came to thank me, so after a few
minutes I walked away.
At the time, I felt fine about it. I did not realize until
thirty years later that in that moment I made a couple
limiting decisions: “People don't recognize my
contributions,” and “I don’t deserve to be recognized
for my efforts.”
Making those decisions resulted in many negative
circumstances from then on, completely outside of my
conscious awareness. All my life I worked very hard and
gave 110 percent. But when it came for recognition, it just
wasn’t there. Why? In part, because my mind had no other
choice but to present circumstances to me to prove my
beliefs were true and also because when someone
complimented me, I deleted the words and perceived them
as insincere. I used to say: “Yeah, right, whatever!”
Does that sound familiar? How many people around you
use the same response? Very likely they are running the
same negative beliefs. Such responses happen
subconsciously on autopilot because the negative beliefs
related to deserving and worthiness are blocking the
reception of the compliments and rewards.
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People with similar experiences typically get wrapped
up in the story, and could get upset about “how selfish and
insensitive the family was.” It’s okay to vent and get it off
the chest, but venting does not take away the negative
beliefs or resolve the real problems. As I suggested before,
the story does not matter to the mind; the learning and the
lessons do.
I did a regression on myself, where I met the younger
Robert observing the family screaming in joy. (For those of
you who are not familiar with the term regression, it means
to go back in time and re-visit an old event with more
awareness and new tools. I share a regression technique in
chapter 9.)
I told the young teenager that he should be proud. What
he did was rare and courageous, and it deserves to be
acknowledged and rewarded. I also taught him that often
people are slow to recover to logic and reason, especially
when there is a life or death situation. That family was very
grateful, but they were still in their initial phase of
processing the event.
I also found in the regression that I could have gone up
to them and ask how she was doing and make sure they
knew that I was the one who saved their girl’s life. I
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realized that the act of walking away without getting the
compliments or the rewards was a pattern of mine I did all
my life.
That realization was a huge gift, which taught me to
change my approach and speak my truth and claim the
rewards my contributions deserve. As a result, I was able to
release the negative emotions and the disempowering
beliefs from that event. I forgave the family and wished
them well, and I also forgave myself.
Another common example how the “undeserving” belief
can sabotage lives is when lottery winners end up worse off
financially a few years after they won the money. Winning
money did not change their beliefs or emotions about being
rich and the additional responsibilities it comes with.
They did not eliminate their fears and negative beliefs
about money or learn money management principles. The
money they won did not match their self-esteem. Their
mind made them give away the money, spend it
senselessly, mismanage it, and end up broke in the end.
Many of these people may believe that they are not
deserving or not worthy of having money, or they don’t
deserve to be wealthy. Sounds harsh, maybe cruel, but
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that’s how it works. I have lost everything and made
thousands of mistakes similar to these because I did not
know these principles.
If you recognize these patterns in your life, or someone
else’s, you can see how critical it is to change them.
Often, when people say: “I don’t deserve to be happy”
or “I am not worthy of something” they only expose the
first layer of their negative beliefs, which typically have
additional hidden ones behind them.
Identify Your First Saboteurs
You can discover your destructive beliefs by asking
yourself why you feel undeserving and/or unworthy. These
are two separate ones, so you may find that you have
variations from each. Complete the sentence: I am not
deserving because...
Wait for an answer. Ask multiple times; purge the mind
till it runs out of answers. Write down each answer. Each
answer will be likely a negative belief. These answers are
like bubbles. They come to the surface and pop. They may
not show again for a long time, so learn to capture them.
Here are some examples I documented over the years:
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“I am worthless.”
“I don’t matter.”
“I am not important.”
“I don’t deserve a good life.”
“I deserve a bad life.”
“I don’t deserve to be happy.”
“I deserve to be unhappy.”
“I am not worthy of love.”
“I am not worthy of success.”
“I am not worthy of money.”
“I am worthy of happiness.”
One client said this: “Because I don’t deserve to be
stood up for; no one else will stand up for me, and I
can’t stand up for myself, because I am not worth it.”
This statement had both deserving and worthiness issues in
it.
There are many possible answers. These beliefs may
sound simple, but they run very deep in our neurology and
can be very damaging.
If you had to do the mind’s job for a day and you had to
honor these beliefs, wouldn’t you go crazy? How could you
give a person money, when they don’t feel worthy of it?
How could you give them the necessary love, when they
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believe love hurts? How would you allow a person to be
happy when they believe they don’t deserve to be happy?
I hope you see how serious this is and how it is
everywhere, even though it may not have been obvious
at first.
You can go beyond the examples I shared above and see
what else your mind is holding onto.
Do this simple exercise:
Write down this statement: “I deserve to be happy.”
Then, wait for the subconscious answers and write them
down. Sometimes you will get affirmative feedback from
your mind such as “Yes I do” Other times, you may have
doubts like: “My mom doesn’t think so,” or “My boss
doesn’t think so.”
Those are some of your quiet negative beliefs, probably
completely unknown to you. Another good way to find out
if this belief is part of your patterns is to see if you have
feelings of guilt about receiving compliments or help.
It’s all about listening to our mind and finally
understanding that these beliefs do not benefit us. Once we
realize this we can rid ourselves of the beliefs that hold us
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back. In Chapter 9, there are a couple techniques to
eliminate these beliefs.
Special Note: According to my research, the belief: “I don’t matter” is
very serious. This belief can suggest deep issues, and it can
also greatly contribute to feelings of suicide. I will talk
more about that in Chapter 4.
How much we feel we deserve and feel we are worth in
our core is going to determine the upper limit of our
success!
