Self-Esteem - What Does the Bible Say

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SELF-ESTEEM What Does The Bible Say?

SSome believe self-esteemand the Bible don’t mix.Others are convinced

there is no better place to findself-respect and self-acceptance.

The truth is that self-esteemcan be pursued with pride orwith humility. It can becultivated within the boundariesof biblical wisdom or without it.

The following pages havebeen written with the confidencethat no one has more potentialfor self-respect and dignity than those who learn to seethemselves from heaven’s pointof view. No one has a morehealthy and realistic opinion ofthemselves than those whobelieve they can do anythingGod enables them to do.

Martin R. De Haan II

Managing Editor: David Sper Cover Design & Photo: Terry BidgoodScripture quotations are from the New King James Version, ©1979, 1980, 1982, ThomasNelson, Inc., PublishersCopyright © 2001 RBC Ministries, Grand Rapids, Michigan Printed in USA

CONTENTS

Why Is Self-EsteemSo Important? . . . . . . . . 2

Where Does A Bad Self-Image Come From? . . . . . . . . . 5

How Should We Feel About Ourselves? . . . . . 6

By What Values Do We See Ourselves? . . . 14

Are We Inherently Good Or Bad? . . . . . . . 18

Whose Opinion Counts? . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

Can We Be Anything We Want To Be? . . . . 27

Help To Help Others. . . . . . . . . 28

A New Beginning . . . . . 30

Where Can You Begin?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

© RBC Ministries. All rights reserved.

WHY IS SELF-ESTEEM SO IMPORTANT?

TThey sat next to eachother in high-schoolbiology. Yet they lived

worlds apart. He seemed tohave everything going forhim. She had a lot toovercome.

He came from a familyof good looks, grew up inan expensive neighborhood,and had many of the social privileges usuallyassociated with wealth andsuccess. She was plain inappearance, came from aworking-class family, andhad to work hard to makepassing grades.

There was also another way they were different. He was full of self-doubt,didn’t like the way helooked, and suspected thatothers paid attention to himonly because of his family’smoney. She was amazingly

happy, well-adjusted, and though aware of herlimitations was determinedto go further in life thanothers thought she could.

They were two peoplewith two different ways oflooking at themselves.What he had in materialadvantage, she had in self-esteem and self-respect.What he had in appearanceshe had in self-acceptance.Together they remind usthat we all have a way oflooking at ourselves thatinfluences whether we feeladequate or inadequate,likeable or unlikeable,valuable or worthless.

What might seem hardto understand is that theway we feel about ourselvesdoesn’t just depend on ourappearance or abilities.Much more important, our opinion of ourselvesdepends largely on how wehave learned to think about ourselves from theimportant people in our

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lives. If the “significantothers” in our life havehelped us to feel importantand loved, we will beinclined to have a healthyopinion of ourselves. If theyhave given us reason to feel

inadequate and unneeded,we are apt to find ourselvesthinking:• “There’s something

wrong with me.”• “I don’t belong here.”• “I don’t like myself.”• “I don’t have what it

takes.” • “I don’t compare well.”• “I want to hide.”

Bad self-esteem is acurse. More and morepeople are realizing that

if you feel as if you havenothing to offer, you’ll actas if you have nothing tooffer. If you think poorly ofyourself, you will tend toact poorly. If you have alow image of yourself, youwill be inclined to backaway from relationshipsand challenges. If you are sure you’re going to fail,then chances are you will.Low self-esteem is like self-fulfilling prophecy. Ifyou believe you don’t havewhat it takes to win at life,you are apt to confirm yourown prediction.

By contrast, good self-esteem is a blessing. Thosewho believe they havesomething to offer are morelikely to make a positivedifference in other people’slives. People who have a healthy sense of self-respect are more likely topursue relationships andchallenges. Those whothink well of themselves are more likely to fulfill

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Why is it that theway we feel about

ourselves is notalways determinedby the cards we’ve

been dealt?


their own expectations.There is, however, a

downside to self-esteem.Even as we acknowledgethat healthy self-respect isan advantage, we need toacknowledge that there aredangers to the kind ofpositive thinking that isoften encouraged ineducation, media, and evenin religious circles. In aneffort to help others shedfeelings of self-contemptand self-rejection, manyhave promoted false hope.

Healthy self-esteemneeds to be realistic. It’s nota self-confidence that says: • “I can be anything

I want to be.”• “I deserve more.”• “I don’t need anyone

else’s help.”• “I don’t have any

regrets.”• “I don’t have any fears.”

Instead, the right kind ofself-respect rests on a fairassessment of our realstrengths and weaknesses.

A healthy self-esteemexpresses itself with aconfidence that says:• “My life has a purpose.”• “I belong here.”• “I can love and be

loved.”• “I need others as they

need me.”• “I will seek forgiveness

for my wrongs.”• “I can be anything God

enables me to be.”Thinking more of

ourselves than we ought to think is just as self-defeating as a low self-image. Self-conceit can

cause us to make unfairdemands of others. It can lead us to believe weare entitled to what wedon’t have. It can promptus to ignore our need ofGod and others.

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Healthy self-esteem needs

to be realistic.


WHERE DOES ABAD SELF-IMAGECOME FROM?

TThe way we thinkabout ourselves cansometimes be traced

back to our parents. Longago, Moses, the humanauthor of the first five booksof the Bible, described how“the sins of the parents” canhave negative consequencesin the lives of their children(Ex. 20:5).

Today, the personalstories of adults who aschildren were exposed toparental rejection, neglect,alcoholism, drug addiction,and physical and emotionalabuse illustrate the point. As resilient and forgiving aschildren are, they do noteasily escape the effects of aparent who ignored theirneeds for love and respect.Physically mature men andwomen who experiencedrejection in their early years

often struggle for the rest oftheir lives trying to feel goodabout themselves.

Children who have not been loved sometimesspend the rest of their lives, consciously orunconsciously, doing allkinds of things to avoidbeing hurt again. It iscommon for people who fear further rejection toretreat into the darkness of depression, chemicaldependency, sexualpromiscuity, orunreasonable fears. Some run from emotionalintimacy and meaningfulrelationships for fear ofbeing rejected again. In each case, however, the pain of running causes them to feel worse aboutthemselves. Their self-esteem sinks lower andlower. They feel bad and act worse. Then they feelworse yet about whatthey’ve done.

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HOW SHOULDWE FEEL ABOUTOURSELVES?

TThere is an interestingcomment about self-esteem in the ancient

apocryphal book of Sirach.In the New American Biblewe find these words:

My son, with humilityhave self-esteem; prizeyourself as you deserve.Who will acquit himwho condemns himself?Who will honor him whodiscredits himself?(Sirach 10:27-28).For some people, this

statement will resonate withpractical wisdom. Manyhave found that if theydon’t believe in themselves,other people are not likelyto believe in them either.The book of Sirach,however, while included insome versions of the Bible,is not recognized by thewhole church as inspired

and authoritative.We therefore need to do

with this quote what we dowith other thoughts andideas. We need to seewhether the rest of the Biblesupports the idea that it isgood to have self-esteemwith humility.

As we might expect,teachings about humility arenot hard to find in Scripture.At first look, the Bible seemsto be more concerned about those who have anexcessively high opinion ofthemselves than with thosewho struggle with a low self-image. For instance, in hisletter to the Romans theapostle Paul wrote:

For I say, through thegrace given to me, toeveryone who is amongyou, not to think ofhimself more highly thanhe ought to think, but tothink soberly, as God hasdealt to each one ameasure of faith (12:3).But what did Paul mean

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when he said we are “tothink soberly [aboutourselves] as God has dealtto each one a measure offaith”? To answer thatquestion, it’s important tosee the meaning of thosewords in their originalcontext. When we read onwe find, first of all, thatPaul wanted his readers tothink of themselves aspeople who were mutuallyreliant on one another’sstrengths (12:4-8).

Second, when Paul usedthe word soberly he wasdiscouraging his readersfrom believing that theycould do anything theywanted to do, or that theycould be anything they

wanted to be. Instead, Paulencouraged them to have asobriety about themselvesthat was rooted in realismand self-control.

Third, even though Pauladvocated self-control, heasked his readers to thinkof themselves as peoplewho understood theirdependence on one another and God.

In another letter, Paulshowed by his own examplethat, in matters beyond hisunderstanding, he put hisconfidence in God. Withthe conviction that Godalone understands thepurpose and character ofour lives, Paul wrote:

We do not dare to classify or compareourselves with some whocommend themselves.When they measurethemselves by themselvesand compare themselveswith themselves, they arenot wise. . . . For it is notthe one who commends

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It’s important to have a healthyself-image that

reflects ourdependence

on God.


himself who is approved,but the one whom theLord commends (2 Cor. 10:12,18 NIV).When these words are

read in context, they draw apicture of an apostle whowrote with both humilityand the dignity of self-respect. While beingcommitted to be gentle andhelpful toward others (10:1),he also saw himself as beingable to do whatever Godwanted him to do (10:2-6).Paul’s confidence was inGod, not in himself or in theopinion of others.

MEASURED BYHUMANSTANDARDS Although the Bibleencourages an awareness ofself-worth that has its originin God, educational orcommunity-based programsoften find it necessary toencourage individual self-worth and self-respectwithout bringing God and

religion into the picture.Whether the purpose is tokeep children in school,avoid teen pregnancies, orescape the self-destructivehabits of drugs, gangs, oralcohol, many programs arebased on the belief thatgood self-esteem can bepromoted as the mostcommon and foundationalof human values.

Without appealing toreligious or spiritualauthority, educators andmotivational speakersencourage young people tobelieve, “You’re not junk.You’re special. Don’t letyourself be used by others.Be yourself. Love yourself.Trust yourself and followyour own heart. Be all thatyou can be. Look out foryourself; because if youdon’t, no one else will.”

Such attempts topromote a positive self-image have merit. There is no doubt that manyyoung people have been

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motivated to stay in schooland make something oftheir lives because someonebelieved in them, or at leasttaught them to believe inthemselves.

At the same time, muchthat is taught in the nameof self-esteem carries asubtle spirituality that canbe misleading. Saying thatpeople can be whateverthey want to be is true onlyup to a point. Saying thereis no reason to feel badabout what we’ve done isoften not true. Encouragingno fear, no guilt, no regret, and no ultimateaccountability to anyone

but ourselves is only ashort-term fix. In the longrun, efforts to make peoplefeel better at the expense ofthe truth is advice that endsin lasting regret and despair.

MEASURED BY HEAVEN’SSTANDARDS The Bible teaches us to seethe value of our lives byadding God’s perspective toour own. The path to thiskind of eventual self-esteem,however, is challenging. TheScriptures do more thanacknowledge the importanceof loving ourselves. Theyalso attach our ultimatewell-being and happiness towhether we are willing to seethe long-term benefits ofknowing when to thinknegatively and regretfullyabout ourselves.

At this point you may be wondering whether youwant to continue reading.Please don’t stop now. Don’tbe afraid. The happiness

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SELF-IMAGE

Loveyourself

Promoteyourself

Live foryourself

Loveothers asyourself

Humbleyourself

Die toyourself


and inner emotional healthGod offers is infinitely andeternally better thananything you stand to losein the process. Rightlyunderstood, the question isnot whether you can affordto pursue a spiritually basedself-esteem. The question iswhether you can affordputting off the only kind ofself-respect and dignity thatwill be important 100 yearsfrom now.

So please, keep reading—not only for your ownsake but for those who areinfluenced by your life. At first, the Bible’s approachto self-esteem will seem to go against all of your own instincts. But that’s because God seeseverything more clearly thanwe do. He knows that wewill eventually be happyonly if we learn to see theimportance of loving, hating, and dying toourselves. Let’s look at each one of these.

Loving Ourselves Ironically, the Bibleassumes that we alreadylove ourselves. Jesusseemed to acknowledge thiswhen He said, “You shalllove your neighbor asyourself” (Mt. 22:39).

The apostle Paul, whilegiving marital counsel tocouples, made a moredirect statement about ournatural inclination to loveourselves:

Husbands ought to lovetheir own wives as theirown bodies; he who loveshis wife loves himself. Forno one ever hated hisown flesh, but nourishesand cherishes it, just asthe Lord does the church(Eph. 5:28-29).Our own experience will

probably bear this out. Wehabitually look after ourown bodies by feeding,clothing, and protectingthem. We naturally lookafter our own rights and are inclined to become

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frustrated or angry if otherstry to take advantage of us.We care for ourselves somuch that when we don’tmeasure up to either ourown expectations or those ofothers, we can become veryunhappy with others andeven angry with ourselves.

What we sometimesmiss, however, is that the only reason we aredissatisfied with ourappearance or discouragedby our failures is that wenaturally care aboutourselves. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t care what welooked like. We wouldn’tcare what others thought of us. We wouldn’t care

whether we were hurtinginside. We wouldn’t spendtime with the image we seein the mirror. If we didn’tlove ourselves, we wouldn’teven entertain thoughts ofwhether we’d be better offdead.

But now comes the realmind-stretcher. According tothe Bible, if you really loveyourself, you will also hateyourself.

Hating Ourselves What does the Bible sayabout hating ourselves?One thing is clear. Goddoesn’t tell us to hate ourbig ears, crooked nose, orshort legs. He doesn’t askus to focus our contempt oncomplexion, unmanageablehair, or even a troublingcase of bad memory orclumsiness. What He wants us to despise issomething far more seriousand dangerous to ourhealth—the stubborn self-centeredness of our fallen

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If we didn’t alreadylove ourselves,

we wouldn’t carewhether or not we felt good

about ourselves.


human nature. Paulrecognized this internaltendency when he wrote:

I find this law at work:When I want to do good,evil is right there with me.For in my inner being Idelight in God’s law; butI see another law at workin the members of mybody, waging war againstthe law of my mind andmaking me a prisoner ofthe law of sin at workwithin my members.What a wretched man Iam! Who will rescue mefrom this body of death?(Rom. 7:21-24 NIV).Paul’s frustration with

himself might seem like apoor choice for a discussionon self-esteem. But hiswillingness to despise thatpart of him that is spirituallyunprofitable has parallels ineveryday life. By learning tosee the weakness andfailures of his own humannature, Paul is like thebuilder who has to tear down

a condemned building beforehe can put up a new houseon the same plot of land. Heis like the coach who finds itnecessary to tear down hisplayers’ self-confidencebefore they are willing to play his kind of ball.

In a similar way, theLord finds it necessary toshow us that we really don’thave a reason to feel goodabout ourselves as long aswe are determined to livefor ourselves and rely onourselves. We need to hatethis tendency so much thatwe, like Paul, will cry out toGod for deliverance from it.In the process, we findourselves ready for anothernecessary but disconcertingstep.

Dying To Ourselves Before we can begin tomake significant progress inour spiritual growth andachieve a mature andsatisfying self-esteem, theBible tells us we also have

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to learn to die to ourselves.Again, it sounds all wrong—to gain self-esteem by dyingto ourselves! But it’s true.Jesus said:

If anyone comes to Meand does not hate hisfather and mother, wifeand children, brothersand sisters, yes, and hisown life also, he cannotbe My disciple. Andwhoever does not bear hiscross and come after Mecannot be My disciple(Lk. 14:26-27). We need to be willing to

put Jesus ahead of everyother relationship (see Jn.12:25). For our ownhappiness, we need to giveup on all other trusts andsources of life. Just as aseed must die to produce aplant, so we need to buryour confidence in all otherhopes before we candiscover the ultimateblessedness of finding ourlife and dignity and self-acceptance through a

complete reliance on God.All of this may sound

unnecessarily severe andself-defeating. But if wecould see ourselves and ourfuture from the window ofeternity, we would see thatany confidence or hope thatcompetes with God forcontrol of our lives is athreat to our well-being. We

were made to serve ourCreator. We were created tofeel good—to feel great—about the privilege of beingHis servants. In addition,we were designed to feelempty and unfulfilled if wetry to serve anyone oranything other than GodHimself (see Eccl. 12:9-14).

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We need to die to our own efforts

of protecting our self-image and sense of well-being.


BY WHATVALUES DO WESEE OURSELVES?

AAt this point it should be apparent that our

Father in heaven,like all loving parents,wants us to feel good aboutourselves. But He wants itto be on His terms, notours. That might sound like bad news. But it isn’t.Heaven’s values are somuch richer and moremeaningful than the short-lived values that tend tocatch our eye.

MEASURED BYHUMANSTANDARDSOur natural inclination is tothink that our well-being andability to feel good aboutourselves lies in valuesvariously described as:• Beauty • Brains• Bucks • Brawn• Appearance • Aptitude

• Affluence • Ability • Pleasure • Prominence• Possessions • Power

If these are our values,we are in trouble. Regardlessof how they are described,they are superficial, short-lived, and misleading. Ournet worth is not equal to thesum total of our appearance,our abilities, and ouraffluence.

It’s a lousy lie thatconvinces us to feel badabout ourselves because wedon’t compare well withothers when it comes tobeauty, brains, bucks, orbrawn. It’s a lie ofunbelievable proportionsthat causes us to think thatreal value is found in ahandsome face, a well-dressed body, a quick mind,or a fat bank account.

Yet the children of theworld are nurtured orneglected, pampered or putoff, largely on the basis ofthe bone structure and fatdeposits of their bodies, the

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alertness of their minds, orthe social status of theirparents. Children are raisedto feel good or bad aboutthemselves depending onhow they fit into the selfish,ever-changing mold of theworld around them.

Does this mean weshould always despise theseother values? No, they havetheir place. We need tocultivate and appreciatewealth, appearance, ability,and influence wheneverhigher values show us that itis appropriate to do so. Weneed to do the best we canwith what the Lord has givenus. Being a well-groomed,color-coordinated person has

its place. And in a limitedsense, this can help us tofeel better about ourselves.

But when it comes to thereal basis of self-esteem, weneed to build on the truthof what the Lord said to theprophet Samuel whileshowing him the next kingof Israel. Of one “hotprospect” the Lord said:

Do not look at hisappearance or at theheight of his stature,because I have refusedhim. For the Lord doesnot see as man sees; forman looks at the outwardappearance, but the Lordlooks at the heart (1 Sam. 16:7). After recording the

importance of God’s “innerview,” however, the samechapter describes David,the Lord’s anointed, asbeing “ruddy, with brighteyes, and good-looking” (1 Sam. 16:12). Apparently,the Lord Himself sees thepractical significance of

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What we value will determine how we feel

about ourselves—and how long that

feeling will last.


human considerations whilemaking it plain that His eyeis on the heart.

Then there was Jeremiahthe prophet. He declared tohis troubled, dying world:

Thus says the Lord: “Letnot the wise man glory inhis wisdom, let not themighty man glory in hismight, nor let the richman glory in his riches;but let him who gloriesglory in this, that heunderstands and knowsMe, that I am the Lord”(Jer. 9:23-24).

MEASURED BYHEAVEN’SSTANDARDSAre we more driven by thedollar or by our integrity?Are we more concernedabout looking good or indoing good? Are weprimarily concerned withwhat we can get out ofothers or what we can give?Do we merely reflect ourcircumstances or do we rise

above our circumstances aspeople of inner direction,purpose, and principle?Such issues of charactercan make an enormousdifference in whether weend up feeling good aboutourselves. But the characterthat is developed within usby God Himself makes thegreatest difference of all.

What do we need to doto develop such character?There are a number of waysof answering that question.The apostle Paul’s letter tothe Romans is helpfulbecause it links the qualityof our relationship to Godwith a healthy opinion of

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VALUES

Looks

Brains

Wealth

Character

Attitude

Generosity

Talent Faithfulness


ourselves. In the 12thchapter Paul describedthree steps that willaccompany the kind of self-esteem God is looking for.According to Paul: (1) Weneed to give up our ownrights, trusting God forwhatever He wants to dowith us. (2) We need toresist social pressure toconform to materialisticvalues. (3) We need torenew our minds with thewords and thoughts of God.

Notice how Paulincluded these elementsand connected them to theway God wants us to thinkabout ourselves:

I beseech you therefore,brethren, by the merciesof God, that you[step 1] present yourbodies a living sacrifice,holy, acceptable to God, which is yourreasonable service. And [step 2] do not be conformed to thisworld, but [step 3] be

transformed by therenewing of your mind,that you may prove what is that good andacceptable and perfectwill of God. For I say,through the grace givento me, to everyone who is among you, [result]not to think of himselfmore highly than heought to think, but tothink soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith (Rom. 12:1-3).Paul went on to

describe the results of thissurrender (12:4-21). Hiswords show that those who live according to theseprinciples have reason tofeel good about themselvesand about what they aredoing. In many differentways, Paul encouraged hisreaders not to be overcomeby evil but rather toovercome evil with good (v.21).

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ARE WEINHERENTLYGOOD OR BAD?

AAs we saw earlier, the Bible’s approach to a

healthy and realisticopinion of ourselves is atwo-sided coin. One sidegives us reason to feel goodabout ourselves. The otherside gives us reason to feelbad. If we try to emphasizeeither side to the neglect ofthe other, we end up with anopinion of ourselves that ismore inclined to reflecthuman standards ratherthan God’s.

MEASURED BY HUMANSTANDARDS According to some socialscientists and educators,humans aren’t born bad. We are damaged by theshaping influences of ourenvironment. Even thoughsimilar patterns and

tendencies of humanbehavior show up in allcultures, many continue tosee flaws of humancharacter as written by thechalk of social pressure onwhat begins as the emptyblackboard of innocence.They believe we all beginwith a clean slate and thathuman nature is amoraluntil a child begins tointeract with society.

Another perspective isadded by those who seehumanity as the result ofnaturalistic evolution. Theybelieve the human speciesis a sophisticated animalrelated to all other planet

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HUMAN NATURE

Bornwithoutpurpose

Created byGod andfor God

Borninnocent

Bornsinful

Basicallygood

Evolvedfrommatter

Createdin God’simage

Inherentlyevil


life by processes of accidentand adaptation. Humannature by this standard isnot good or bad but ratheran ongoing expression ofthe survival of the fittest.

MEASURED BY HEAVEN’SSTANDARDSIn the biblical view ofhuman nature, we areshaped by the polaropposites of spiritual dignityand moral depravity. FromGenesis to Revelation wefind a description of ourhumanity that is at oncemore complimentary andmore critical than we willfind in any textbook ofsocial science.

Spiritual Dignity According to the Bible,human nature carries withit an inherent sense ofdignity. Genesis describesus as a race of beings madein the likeness of God. That sets us apart. Crows,

crocodiles, and cricketswere made by Him and forHim. But they were notmade with a capacity toknow, enjoy, obey, and talkto God. That has beenreserved for us. We havebeen made in His image—every one of us. Every oneof us is eternally morevaluable, therefore, thanthe family dog (even if hegets treated bettersometimes), far morevaluable than a river or anocean or a mountain, andfar more valuable than thecombined assets of ourplanet. Because of thedesigner label we bear, andbecause of what we havebeen made for, it would beimpossible for any of us toadequately estimate ourinherent personal worth.

David, the ancient king ofIsrael, understood the sourceof this dignity. Known as “aman after God’s own heart,”he saw the origin of humanvalue when he prayed:

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You formed my inwardparts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. Iwill praise You, for I amfearfully and wonderfullymade; marvelous are Yourworks, and that my soulknows very well. My frame was not hiddenfrom You, when I wasmade in secret, andskillfully wrought in thelowest parts of the earth.Your eyes saw mysubstance, being yetunformed. And in Yourbook they all were written,the days fashioned for me, when as yet therewere none of them (Ps. 139:13-16).We may not have the

appearance, or abilities, orsocial privileges we’d like tohave. Yet we exist by thewill and wisdom of the Godwho has made us forHimself. Whether we’regood-looking or not, whetherwe’re rich or poor, whetherwe’re African, Asian, or

European by descent, Godhas made us to know, honor,and enjoy Him forever.

Moral Depravity It is just as clear, however,

that none of us exists inoriginal showroom condition.The term depravity is used bytheologians to describe theextent to which every part ofthe human personality hasbeen damaged by ourspiritual separation fromGod. Our shared moraldepravity doesn’t mean thatwe are all as bad as we couldbe. It means instead that weare all fallen, broken beingswho from our birth are sospiritually defective that we are inclined to live forourselves in stubborn self-centered ways.

We pay dearly for this inherited spiritualcondition. We end upfeeling good about badthings and bad about good things. We all feel thepull of sexual temptation,

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social power, and materialindulgence. All too often weresort to aggressive, angryways of dealing with thosewho compete with us forlimited resources. We eachtake turns proving what theBible says about humannature (Rom. 1–3).

Does our spiritualcondition touch our self-image? Like a fish toucheswater! It’s hard to feel goodabout ourselves when we intuitively know thatsomething is wrong with us.Something deep within letsus know we were made towalk on higher ground, tobreathe better air, and toenjoy more lovingrelationships. Yet, notsurprisingly, the bends andtwists in our own nature getin the way of solutions.

Stubborn self-reliance,one of the symptoms of ourflawed human nature, has a way of making low self-esteem worse. With subtle,self-centered demands, we

signal to the world that wedon’t like what is happeningto us. We think we deservebetter. We are angry that wecan’t have the appearanceor abilities or relationshipsor circumstances that othershave. We don’t likeourselves the way we are.We want better. We thinkwe need our self-esteempumped up. What we don’trealize is that our depravitycan deceive us. We don’trealize that what we thoughtwas low self-esteem can bewounded pride.

Sometimes it is ourbruised pride that promptsus to struggle with anger and envy. No, it’s not easy to accept. But it’s true. Sometimes it is ourconcealed conceit thatconvinces us that becausewe have been hurt, it isnecessary for us to hurtothers. Rather than risingabove the problem, we gettangled in it. We do to otherswhat has been done to us.

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WHOSE OPINIONCOUNTS?

AAccording to the Bible, the ultimate

answer for ourspiritual needs is more thanadequate to rescue us fromthe grip of low self-esteem.Ironically, the same solutioncan deliver us from anexcessively high opinion of ourselves. Once again,though, we need to see thedifference between seeingand measuring ourselves byhuman standards or by themeasure of heaven.

At some point we needto decide whose opinion weare going to depend on toreshape the way we thinkabout ourselves.

MEASURED BY HUMANSTANDARDS There are those who saythat the only way out of thetrap of low self-esteem is tosee yourself as the most

significant person in yourlife. The measure of mansays, “The answer lieswithin you. You must reachdeep down within yourselffor the resources necessaryto rise above the rejections,the insults, the lack offairness. You can do it.Others have, you can too.You can be anything youwant to be. Dream it.Believe it. Achieve it. Youjust need to believe inyourself, trust yourself, anddepend on yourself. Don’twait for anyone else. Youare number one. Don’tstand at the end of the line.Push ahead. Make yourown breaks. Don’t wait foran invitation. Don’t be adoormat. Don’t settle foranything less than yourdreams. You deserve it. Youhave it coming to you. Youare the most importantperson in your life.”

What’s true about thispoint of view is that we doneed courage and strength of

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will to make choices that arein our own best interests.But that’s not the wholestory. There is a better way.

MEASURED BY HEAVEN’SSTANDARDSAccording to the Bible, themost important person inour life is not us but theOne who cares more for usthan anyone can imagine(see Eph. 3:14-21).

What’s amazing beyond words is that in theunfolding chapters of thegreatest story ever told, thegreat King and Creator ofGenesis appears in history

as our Savior. After giving uslife (Jn. 1:1-4), the same Godmiraculously took on thebody of a man to come toour rescue (Jn. 1:14).

According to thecombined Gospel records ofMatthew, Mark, Luke, andJohn, our Creator lived forus and among us in theperson of Jesus Christ. Butby those same accounts Hedid more than live for us—He also died for us.

What God did for us inthe person of His Son isenough to change the waywe think about ourselvestoday and forever.

In life, Jesus gave us everyreason to trust that He hadcome in behalf of heaven. In death, He took thepunishment for everythingwe should feel bad about. Inresurrection, He showed Hispower to overcome our worstenemy and bring each of usto our ultimate potential.

What a story! Theultimate kind of prisoner

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SIGNIFICANT PERSON

You haveanswers

God givesanswers

You can dowhat youset yourmind to

You havestrength

Believein yourself

Believein God

God givesstrength

You can dowhat Godwants youto do


exchange. First, He took ourplace on an executioner’scross. Then, after destroyingeverything that could hurtus, He provided us with awonderful exchange: Hispardon for our guilt, Hisstrength for our weakness,His goodness for ourdepravity.

The terms of thisexchange are strikingly clear.When we admit our guiltand trust Him, He gives us anew identity, a new past, anew address, and a newprofession. In short, Heoffers us a whole new life,and with it comes a new wayof thinking about ourselves.

In Christ We Have APosition That Is Secure. Once we have trustedChrist as Savior, we havean irreversible relationshipwith Him. We are in Him.He is in us.

It may sound too good tobe true. But because theBible can be trusted, it’s a

fact. Christ fought and won abattle that we never couldhave fought or won on ourown. That makes Him ourSavior, our Lord, our life, ourforgiveness, our hope, ourprotection, our source ofeverything we could ever askfor—and more. That makesHim infinitely and eternallymore important and moresignificant than any otherperson in our life. That givesus every reason to trust whatHe says about us.

All of this may seem hardto accept. Everything insideyou might say you’d ratherhave your father’s approval,your mother’s affection, yourchildren’s respect, yourmate’s unconditional love.But is that really the answer?How significant are theycompared to the One whodesigned you and then diedfor you?

“But,” you say, “that allseems so theoretical, soethereal, so far off.” Thenlet’s start nearer to home.

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Let’s say that you aren’tmuch to look at. You comefrom a family where yourfather was an alcoholic,your mother ran around,and your older brothers andsisters seemed intent onmaking your life miserable.Let’s say you’re poor, you’reemotionally unstable, andyou’re taking tranquilizersjust to help you get by.What can Christ do for youin that condition? Well, ifyou’ve trusted Him as yourSavior, then open a windowand let in some fresh air.Don’t confine your reality tothe stuffy air of your limitedcircumstances. Life is biggerthan that. God is biggerthan that. Eternity is farbigger than that. Let yourheart be captured by themost important Person inyour life. Believe Him whenHe tells you that things aregoing to get better for you.Believe Him when He tellsyou that the best is yetahead! Trust the most

reliable authority in theworld when it tells you thatin Christ, you have:• A new past (Rom. 6:1-6).• A new future (8:18-32).• A new name and identity

(Acts 11:26).• A new lease on life

(2 Cor. 5:17).• A new relationship with

God (1 Jn. 1:1-4).• A new occupation

(Eph. 6:5-9).• A new inheritance (1:11).• A new source of

provision (Phil. 4:19).• A new family (1 Jn. 3:1).• A new assurance

(Heb. 13:5).Because of our position

in Christ, our relationshipwith Him, and our positionin His family, His love neverhas to be in doubt. Yet thereis much more. This positionin Christ becomes a basisnot only for a new self-image but also for a whole new way of life. Itprovides a foundation fornew attitudes and a new

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approach to relationships.When practiced, it gives usso much to feel good aboutand to be thankful for.

In Christ We Have AChallenge For Living. In the first two chapters ofhis letter to the Colossians,the apostle Paul wroteabout our position in Christand all the riches that areours in Him. Paul thenchallenged us to live a lifein keeping with our positionwhen he wrote:

If then you were raisedwith Christ, seek thosethings which are above,where Christ is, sitting atthe right hand of God.Set your mind on thingsabove, not on things onthe earth. For you died,and your life is hiddenwith Christ in God. WhenChrist who is our lifeappears, then you alsowill appear with Him inglory (Col. 3:1-4).We need to think of

ourselves as the people Godsays we are. We need toshow that what He saysabout us is far moreimportant than what anyoneelse says or doesn’t sayabout us (Eph. 4:17-32).

This doesn’t happenautomatically. It happensonly as we continuallyrenew our minds with thethoughts of God, as weconsciously think aboutwho we are in Christ, andas we expectantly wait onthe Lord for His ability to beand do everything He wantsus to be and do (2 Cor. 3:5;Phil. 4:10-13).

It doesn’t happenovernight. Learning topractice our position inChrist is a process. It’s astruggle. It’s a long walk thatgives us one opportunityafter another to believewhat the Lord says aboutus. Either we believe Him,or we believe our feelings,enemies, or circumstances.

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CAN WE BEANYTHING WEWANT TO BE?

IIt is sometimes said that what the mind canbelieve, the mind can

achieve. Just as often, wehear it said that we can beanything we want to be. We just have to believe inourselves. We just have toovercome those obstacles to self-esteem that can keep us from realizing ourdreams. But allowing for the importance of a positivemental attitude, andallowing for the importanceof being able to dream andsee “things which do notexist as though they did”(Rom. 4:17), much of thisthinking is not realistic.

On the other hand, the person who has arelationship with Christ hasan enormous basis for goodself-esteem. That personcan say, “As I walk with

Christ and surrender toHim, I can by His Spirit beanything He wants me tobe. I can do anything Hewants me to do. I can sayanything He wants me tosay. As I depend on Him for my life, I can overcomeobstacles that He wants me to overcome. I can resist temptation and avoid pitfalls.”

What this alsorecognizes, however, is that it is just as true that we will not be able to doanything the Lord doesn’tpermit us to do. The sky isnot the limit—the will ofGod is. We no more have tomorrow in our back pocket than we do the next 20 years.

The need, then, is forself-esteem with humility—the kind of rightmindednessthat, ironically, can give usthe confidence that willenable us to do anythingGod wants us to do!

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HELP TO HELPOTHERS

TThe followingquestions are listedhere for you to use

in teaching or disciplingothers. We suggest thatthese questions bediscussed prior to studyinga specific section—aspreview questions.

HOW SHOULD WE FEEL ABOUTOURSELVES?1. What is self-esteem?2. Where does it come

from?3. What is man’s standard

of measuring self-esteem?

4. What is the Bible’sstandard ofmeasurement? (1 Cor.4:1-4; 2 Cor. 10:12,18).

5. Is it always right to feelgood about yourself?(Jas. 4:7-10).

6. Is it natural to loveourselves? (Mt. 22:39).

7. In what sense should we hate ourselves?(Rom. 7:21-24).

8. How can “dying toourselves” result in anew life? (Gal. 2:20).

9. How can we put a lowself-image to work forus?

BY WHAT VALUES DO WE SEE OURSELVES?1. How does a poor sense

of self-worth affect us?2. What values do most

people use to measuretheir own self-worth?

3. What does God value ina person? (1 Sam. 16:7).

4. Where should we findour greatest fulfillment?(Jer. 9:23-24).

6. How can we develop anaccurate self-image?(Rom. 12:1-3).

7. How can God’s valuesshape our lives and helpus to feel good aboutourselves? (Rom. 12:4-21; Gal. 6:1-4).

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ARE WEINHERENTLY GOOD OR BAD?1. How do social scientists

tend to evaluate humannature?

2. In what ways would youexpect the Bible to bemore complimentarythan social scientists?

3. In what ways would youexpect the Bible to bemore critical than socialscientists?

4 On what basis does theBible recognize humandignity? (Ps. 139:13-16;Heb. 2:6-8).

5. On what basis does theBible recognize humandepravity? (Rom. 1:18-32; 3:10-18; 7:7-24).

6. What is the impact of our stubbornindependence and self-sufficiency on ourself-esteem?

7. How can a right sense offailure help us to feelgood about ourselves?(Rom. 7:24–8:17).

WHOSE OPINIONCOUNTS?1. By human standards,

who should be the mostsignificant person inyour life?

2. How can we be hurt by“significant others”?

3. By God’s standard, who is to be the most“significant other”? (Eph. 3:14-21).

4. In what sense can westart over again withChrist? (2 Cor. 5:17; 1 Jn. 5:1).

5. How can Christ give us anew past (Rom. 6:1-6), a new future (Rom 8:18-32), and a new identity?(Acts 11:26; Gal. 2:20).

6. How can Christ give us a new occupation (Eph.6:5-9) and a new sourceof provision? (Eph. 1:11;Phil. 4:19).

7. How can thisrelationship help us to feel good aboutourselves?

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A NEWBEGINNING

MMaybe the best wayto close is withthe comments of

a person who has foundhelp in this approach toself-esteem.

In response to an articleon self-esteem that firstappeared in an RBCnewsletter, he wrote:

That article told me somuch more about theorigins of my lifelongproblem than anything Ihave ever read. I havesearched books onpsychology and talked tonumerous people. AndI’ve had psychologycourses in college. Now,for the first time ever, Ihave somewhere tobegin in attempting tounravel my problems.

I have always felt cursed withoversensitivity, takingoffense too easily. I have

seen what that has doneto others—especially myown dad and mom—andI really didn’t want topass this on to my ownfamily (although to someextent, I guess I alreadyhave).

Having given my life to the Lord andrecommitting myself toHis loving care just ayear ago, I’ve had less ofa problem with low self-esteem because I’vebeen trying to live morefor Him and less for me.

Surrender has been theguiding principle of mylife since last November.But I would be guilty oftelling a lie if I said myproblems with self were

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“I still struggle withmy self-esteem.

The difference nowis the hope I feel in

my Savior.”


gone! I still struggle withit. The difference now isthe hope I feel in mySavior. I have asked Himto be the Master of mylife, to guide my steps, tomold me into the newcreature He wants me tobe. And He’s doing it!

It may be a longerprocess than I want it tobe, but the Lord knowswhat I need. Yes, it is sodifficult to die to self—to“deny yourself, take upyour cross and followMe.” I choke sometimeson my pride. It wells upin my throat and I wantto fight, to swear, to yell,to cry when I feelwronged by another. ButI say instead, “Thankyou, Lord. I praise Youfor sending this. I knowthat ‘all things worktogether for good tothose who love God.’ ”

It’s working. Latelythe Lord has taken whatstarted out to be terrible

days for me and turnedthem completely aroundso that I feel a warm,loving glow within, andam smiling and thinkingof others rather thanmyself.

Praise the Lord! These are far greatermiracles to me thantelling a lame man torise, take up his bed, andwalk! Thank you, Lord!I pray that the experience

of this one person will berepeated in all of us as wediscover what it means totrust the counsel, love, andpower of the most significantPerson in life.

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“I choke on mypride. It wells up in

my throat and Iwant to fight, to

swear, to yell, to crywhen I feel wronged

by another.”


WHERE CAN YOUBEGIN?

IIt has been said that thebest way to get rid of anenemy is to make him

your friend. This is true ofthe things that seem tothreaten your self-image.They can be the means bywhich you discover yourreal purpose, power, andpotential.

How do you make these“enemies” your friends? Letthem do for you what self-confidence, self-sufficiency,and self-satisfaction couldnever do. Let your weaknesspush you to dependence onGod. He alone can give youevery good and every lastingreason to feel good aboutyourself.

Don’t be afraid. Or ifyou are, let your fear bringyou to the One who loves you. The results ofacknowledging that youhave been on the wrong

path will far outweigh any temporary pain ofconfession. You will soonfind great relief as a resultof admitting to God thatyou have sinned againstHim by banking on theworld’s values. Romans3:23 says, “For all havesinned and fall short of theglory of God.”

Then, confess JesusChrist as your Designer,your Lord, and your Savior.Trust Him to save you onthe basis of the payment forsin He made on the cross.Accept the fact that whenHe died, He died for you.When He rose from thedead, He rose to make Hislife available to all whowould believe.

This is the first step to anew beginning. It is God’sanswer for a new birth, anew identity, and a newpotential. It’s found in theOne who loves us morethan we could ever love orcare for ourselves.

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Self-Esteem - What Does the Bible Say