Addam Swapp statement, Sept.27, 2012,parole hearing

Utsh Board of Pardons member Jesse Gallegos traveled to the Phoenix Federal CorrectionalInstitute to conduct a hearing with Addam Swapp, who has spent about 25 years in prison on federaland state convictions for his role in a 1988 standoff in Marion, Utah, that ended in the shooting deathof Correctional Officer Fred House. Swapp has completed a lS-year federal sentence and is nowserving up to 15 years on a state manslaughter charge.

At the end ofthe hearing, an emotional Sy)app read a statement. A transcription of thatstatement follov,s:

First, I would like to address all the people I've hurt through my wrong actions. I'm so sorry forall the pain I've caused so many people, most especially to the House family.

To the House family, I want to say publicly I'm so very sorry for having caused Fred's death. I'mso very sorry for having caused your family such deep grief and pain for all these many years. IfIcould, I'd like to tell you, Fred, publicly I'm so sorry for causing your death. I was so wrong in what Idid by blowing up the church and by resisting anest.

I know now that you only wanted a peaceful end to the standoff. I'm sorry that I caused you tomiss out in life with your family and their love and society, especially in the lives ofyour children andin the love and companionship ofyour wife. I hope somehow God will let you hear on the other sidethese words from my heart. Dear Fred, I am so very, very sorry for causing your death.

I pray that you would forgive me for causing your death and for all the heartache I've causedyour family all these many years. I stand ashamed for what I did, Fred, to you and to your family, and Iknow I don't deserve it but I hope that you can forgive me for what I have done to you.

I am sorry to you, Am, that I caused the death ofyour husband and father of your children. I'mso sorry for the deep heartache I've caused you and for all the years of sorrow you've gone throughbecause of me. I'm sorry that your children had to grow up without their father to love them, to watchover them, to guide and teach them. I'm sorry for the years of hardship I've caused you by making youa single parent who had to raise your children on your own. I truly am sorry, Ann, for all the pain andsorrow I've cause you and your family. I'm so ashamed for what I've done to you. I don't deserve it but Ipray that one day you and your family might find it in your heart to forgive me.

I'm so sorry to you, Fred's children, that I caused the death ofyour dad. I'm so very sorry. I'm sovery sorry that I caused him not to be there for you throughout your childhood, to love and be loved byhim. I'm also very sorry that because of me and my wrong actions you are without him now in youradult lives. I feel great shame and sorrow for what I've caused you and your families to suffer. I know Idon't deserve it but I pray you might find it in your hearts someday to forgive me for all the hurt andpain I've caused you.

I'm sorry to you, Fred's mom and dad. I'm sony that I caused your son's death. I can onlyimagine the pain and sorrow I've caused you. I wish I could go back in time and change it all but Iknow I can't. I'm so sorry that I can't. I'm so sorry for the great heaftache and sorrow I've caused you.The actions of my past shame me. I pray that the actions of my present and future might somehowmake amends for my past. I am embarrassed and ashamed for all the hurt and sonow I've caused you.I'm so sorry. I hope that you could someday forgive me for what I've done.

I'm sorry to all ofyou who are Fred's brothers and sisters and to your children. I'm so sorry thatI caused the death ofyour brother. I'm sorry that because of my wrong actions you have been withouthis love and support, without his daily presence in your lives. I am deeply sorrow that I caused you thesorrow and heartache. I'm sorry your children have had to grow up without their Uncle Fred in theirlives. I'm so very sorry. I am so ashamed of what I did and how I acted and all the pain I caused you allto suffer. I know I don't deserve it but I hope one day you could find it in your hearts to forgive me.

I'm also very sorry for all the pain I've caused my own family. Mom and dad, I'm sorry for allthe heartache I've caused you for what I did and for the many years I've been in prison. I've watchedyou grow old, traveling year after year, to all the different prisons I've been in all over the country,faithfully coming to see me, bringing my little kids with you. I've caused you to suffer so much. I'm so

very sorry. I know you've forgiven me, that's just the way you are. But I need to say it publicly. Please,

mom and dad, forgive me for all the sorrow and heartache I've caused you to suffer. I pray that Godwill let me be able to somehow make it up to you.

To my dear children [names ofhis six children deleted]. I am so sorry for all the pain andhearlache I have caused you to suffer because of my wrong actions. I'm sorry that I haven't been therefor you as you've growrr up. I'm sorry for the embarrassment you had to suffer under being known as

my children. I'm sorry for not being able to help you through all the problems ofyour life. I know youlove me ald have forgiven me, but I need to say it publicly. Please forgive me, my dear children, for allthe pain and sorrow I've caused you in your life. I hope that, God willing, I can somehow make it up toyou in the years that lie ahead.

To my dear wife, Charlotte. I'm sorry for all the pain and sorrow that I've caused you to sufferall these years by not being out there for you. I wished I could have given you a whole other life. Thankyou for always being there for me. I pray that I can make it up to you in the years that remain of ourlives.

To my siblings [names of his seven siblings deleted]. I'm sorry for all the humiliation andembarrassment I've caused you over the years having been associated with me and the crime Icommitted. I know it hasn't been easy for you. I'm also sorry for not having been there for you as yourolder brother to be part of your lives. I'm so sorry. I hope you could please forgive me. I hope I will beable to make it up to you in the years that lie ahead.

To the Singer family, I am sorry for all the pain and sonow that you've had to endure throughthe years for my wrong actions. I thought I was doing the right thing back then, but I've come to knowthat what I did was wrong and hurt many people, and you are among the many people that I hurt. I'msorry and I hope you can forgive me for it.

To the Mormon church, I'm sorry for the destruction ofyour church and for the embarrassment Ibrought you. I was wrong in what I did against you. I hope that you can forgive me as an organizationand as individuals.

I'm sorry to the people of Kamas and my neighbors. I'm sorry for the fear that I engendered bymy wrong actions by breaking the law. I was wrong in what I did and my actions were so very wrong.I'm sorry and I'm ashamed. I hope that each of you that was affected by my actions might be able toforgive me for what I did.

I desire when I get out of prison to live my life in such a manner that my family, friends,

neighbors and community would find my presence in their lives a beneflt and a blessing.

I have fully set my heart, with all my energy, upon pursuing with all my life the love of Jesus inall my affairs. Of living my life according to the peace and love that he taught, and of following theexample he left us, an example of humility and love, that I might never again cause such hurt to anotherhuman being.

I am not the same person I was when I came to prison. My core beliefs have completelychanged. I am completed opposed to the violent acts I committed which got me sent to prison. Thoseviolent acts went confary to the beautiful teachings of love and peace taught to us by Jesus, Jesuswhom I desire to sewe with al1 my heart. I fully believe now that love is the answer to all conflict, thathumility is at the very heart ofrighteousness and is a blessing to all men.

What I believed back then before I came to prison I now realize was full of pride, ego and self-centeredness. Though I thought I saw the truth, my heart was blind to the teachings ofJesus, blind tomy arrogancy, blind to my own sins. My actions were not a blessing to my fellow man, rather theywere a curse.

The beliefs I held in my past were wrong and caused me to act with violence. Breaking down ofmy wrongful beliefs and replacing them with truly Christ-centered beliefs has been a long, slowprocess and many elements have contributed to this process ofchanging me from who I was then to theman I am now. The length of time that I've been incarcerated as well as the many experiencesthroughout my prison history have contributed to this process. The end result is that I have come awaywith a complete change of heart and a radically new way oflooking at life.

I pray daily that the Lord would bless and heal Fred's wife and all of his family. I will, for therest of my life, when I pray for my own family pray for Fred's family, every day. I am most sincere inmy change of heart. I am truly trying to follow the teachings of Jesus and I will endeavor to do so forthe rest of my life. I have read the New Testament through many times. It is not the only book I readbut I try to start and finish each day by spending time planting these beautiful words in my heart.

I am learning that for me to live a life pleasing unto the Lord, in accordance with Jesus'

teachings, I must not only love God with all my heart, I must also love my fellow man, who wascreated in the image of God, as I love myself I am to call no man my enemy, but I am to look upon allmen as my neighbor and as my brother.

I wish I held these beliefs back then. I am so sorry for all the people that I have hurt, especiallyto Fred's family. I do hope that one day they might forgive me for what I have done.