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Another Saturday Night.

Copyright June 2011.

Songs. I Will, Love Hurts, Sand and Water, Oh Carol, As Usual, You were always on my mind, There goes my heart, Bobby’s Girl, It started all over again, A forever kind of love, Big Spender, Shut up and Kiss me, Another Saturday Night, My eyes adored you, You’ve got a friend, They can’t take that away from me, The Wanderer, You got what it takes, December 1963, I won’t send roses, Dream Lover, Crying, Rip it up.

The Characters.

Bobby Murray. He and his wife have split up. He works too hard and

has not paid much attention to his marriage, but he has not been

unfaithful.

Mary Murray. The wife of the above. She has thrown Bobby out and

has filed for divorce. She believes he has been unfaithful.

John Benjamin. Divorced from his wife, now single, a joker and

womaniser, or so he thinks. Fancies Barbara.

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Barbara Thomas. A friend of Carol and Mary. She is divorced. She is

actively looking for another man, any man!

Carol Wadsworth. Divorced. A friend of Barbara and Mary. Has a

running duel with John and has had a few lovers since her husband

left but no one serious.

James Simpson. Used to live locally but moved away, but recently

returned. Carol was the love of his life. Married for a short while but

now divorced. Very well off.

Anne Kirkham. Recently widowed and still devastated by her loss.

She is new to the area and does not realise it is a singles bar.

Adam Shannon. Single. A real Casanova, after anything in a skirt.

Works as a travelling salesman. No intention of getting involved with

anyone seriously.

There are several other singing and speaking parts. A young James

Simpson and a young Carol Wadsworth (nee Jones) (each have one

song), Carol’s Mum and Dad, a Vicar, two mourners, a man called

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Martin, a barman and a waiter. The chorus will be the other

customers in the bar and the people at the wake.

The story is set this century. The set is a bar, a singles bar where

people gather who have no partner for one reason or another. Most

of those present are past middle age, in their fifties or sixties. They

come to listen to the music and not to be alone. Our story concerns

eight people in the bar, four men, and four women. One woman is a

widow; all the others are divorced, separated or single. Some of

them know each other, either recently or in the past.

But our play opens in 1962 at a suburban house and at a wake in

2011.

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Act One.

The breaking up scene and the wake.

(Carol is dressed up ready to go out, her Mum and Dad are in the room, Dad is sitting in an easy chair, Mum is standing.)

Mother. Where do you think you are going young lady?

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Carol. Just out with the girls from school, shan’t be long.

Mother. Well it had better not be with that waste of space from the council estate again, we told you last week that you had to stop seeing him but Mrs. Partridge said she saw you together on Friday night after school, if that’s true you are in real trouble young lady.

Carol. We were only talking; he was telling me he plans to go to college and then university when he gets his GCE’s.

Mother. College? University? More like Borstal!! No one off that estate ever made anything of their lives; half of them are on the dole, the other half are a bunch of thieves.

Father. Steady on Brenda, a lot of the men on that estate work with me at the factory.

Mother. Not with you Derek, for you, you’re the foreman not a labourer.

Carol. Well James isn’t going to work at the factory; he’s going to be a high flyer in the city.

Mother. The only way he will fly high is from the end of a rope.

Father. Now you’ve gone too far Brenda, enough. (Mother sits down in a huff) But your mother does have a point love, he’s not our sort and he never will be he’ll only drag you down if you continue to see him. Why don’t you find a nice lad from around here, that Edward Wadsworth is a nice lad and I know he likes you, his father was only saying the other day how the lad has a crush on you.

Mother. (Excitedly) Edward Wadsworth? Charles Wadsworth son? The one who owns Wadsworth’s Engineering? Oh Carol that would

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be a fantastic match for you, married to Edward you would be made for life.

Father. For God’s sake Brenda, they are only kids, Carol is barely fifteen yet and you are marrying her off.

Mother. I was only seventeen when I married you.

Father. (Softly) But we didn’t have a lot of options.

Mother. Derek!!!

Carol. Its okay mum, I knew you had to get married, I can count.

Father. Don’t be so cheeky young lady; I married your mother because I loved her.

Carol. I’m sorry daddy; I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.

Father. Apologises accepted, but mind what you say in future. Anyway we are getting off the subject, either you tell this boy it’s over and he must stay away from you or I will. Your mother is right, he just isn’t the right kind of boy for you and that’s an end to it.

Carol. (Sadly) Can I go out now?

Father. Of course you can, but remember what we’ve said, if you see this James character you end it, or I will.

Mother. If you defy us...

Father. She won’t will you love?

Carol. No daddy, I won’t, I promise.

(Carol leaves and meets James just outside the door.)

James. (Noticing Carol is upset) Are you okay?

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Carol. No I’m not; mummy and daddy say I have to stop seeing you.

James. Why? We’ve done nothing wrong.

Carol. It’s where you live, what you are.

James. What’s that supposed to mean? Oh I get it; I’m not good enough for their precious daughter, or have you just found someone else?

Carol. Of course there’s no one else I’m so sorry, I really like you a lot but I can’t disobey my parents.

James. I’ll bet they have someone else lined up already. Oh I understand you’ve had fun with your “bit of rough” now you want to end it.

Carol. It’s not like that at all, I don’t care who or what you are, I love you but I can’t go against my parent’s wishes.

James. Like, love? Which one is it? I know how I feel, you’re the only one for me, I love you and I always will.

Carol. We’re too young to be in love, it’s just infatuation, we will get over it.

James. That’s mummy and daddy talking, tell me you don’t love me, tell me to go and I’ll leave now and never come back.

Carol. I don’t want you to go but what can I do, we can hardly run away together can we? I do love you but it has to end, we have no option.

James. (Angrily)You mean you have no option; you want to keep your nice middle class lifestyle so I have to go. But one day you’ll feel like I feel right now.

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Carol. James!

James. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, I know it has to end but one day I’ll be worthy of you, even in the eyes of your parents. I love you, I always will.

(James sings “I Will”).

I don’t want to be the one who’ll say I’m gonna miss you,

But I will, I will.

I don’t want to say I’m gonna cry my eyes out baby,

But I will, I will.

I’m not ashamed for you to know how much I really love you so

But it was such a thrill.

And just remember when you’re gone

There’ll be that someone sad who loves you still.

You will look at him and see me smiling back at you,

I know you will, you will

You will find yourself repeating things we use to do

I just know you will, you will

Don’t wonder if you wannna come back

Just come running home to me

And let me feel the thrill

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‘Cos I’m the one who told you I would love you dear forever

And I will, I will.

(Repeat final verse).

(James takes one last look at Carol and walks away.)

Carol. I thought love made you happy, but it doesn’t, love hurts.

(Carol sings “Love Hurts”).

Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and marrs

Take any heart not tough or strong enough

To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain

Love is like a flower, holds a lot of rain

Love hurts, love hurts.

I’m young, I know but even so

I know a thing or two I learned from you

I really learned a lot, really learned a lot

Love is like a stove, burns you when it’s hot

Love hurts, love hurts.

Some fools rave of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness

Some fools fool themselves I guess

But they’re not fooling me

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I know it isn’t true, I know it isn’t true

Love is just a lie, made to make you blue

Love hurts, love hurts, love hurts.

(Curtain).

(Forty Years later, a room decorated in black for a wake. Several people are already present when Anne and her teenage son Roy enter with the Vicar.)

Anne. It was a lovely service Vicar, I can’t thank you enough.

Vicar. I am only sorry I didn’t know your husband better, he seemed such a fine man and I only ever heard good things about him.

Anne. He was a lovely man; I really don’t know how I’ll cope without him.

Vicar. I know it’s a cliché, but time is a great healer.

Anne. But how do I cope now? (She starts to cry and Roy holds her).

Roy. It will be okay mum, I’ll look after you, I’ll stay here and get a job.

(Anne holds Roy away from her)

Anne. You will not, you’ll go back to Cambridge and make your father proud of you; you’ll make me proud of you too. I’ll cope, I have to.

Vicar. Just remember I am always available if you need me, day or night.

(He moves over to where the mourners are congregated).

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First Mourner. Fine man Vicar, he will be missed at the factory, he was just getting into the swing of the job and everyone liked him, no airs and graces like some southerners.

Second Mourner. It is a real tragedy, they’ve only been up here a few months and some drunken idiot drives straight into him, and on the wrong side of the road I hear. He survived; well they say the Devil looks after his own. He’ll get a slap on the wrist and be back enjoying life in no time whilst poor Mrs Kirkham is left on her own to bring up the young lad.

Vicar. Rather an unchristian attitude, we are all God’s children after all.

Second Mourner. Sorry Vicar; but it is so wrong that a decent man’s life can be snuffed out by some stupid drunken yob.

First Mourner. Hardly a yob, his father’s a local magistrate.

Second Mourner. He’s still a yob in my eyes.

(All the mourners nod in agreement.)

Mary. (To Robert). Why on earth am I here? I’ve never even met the man or his wife.

Robert. He was my boss for God’s sake even if it was only for a few months; you didn’t seriously think I could come on my own?

Mary. Well you do virtually everything else without me; I hardly see nowadays you’re always at work or off to some conference or other. You could have brought your secretary, what’s her name; she seems to spend more time with you than I do, but I suppose she didn’t fancy a funeral.

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Robert. You know very well her name is Alisha and I couldn’t do my job without her. You knew when I took this job it would be hard going for a year or so, it will get easier, especially if we get the Caledonian contract.

Mary. You said the same thing last year, but nothing has changed, I sometimes think you love your job more than me.

Robert. I promise, this time it will be different, this contract may be the answer to all the company’s problems.

Mary. (Sarcastically). Well look who’s just come in, she can’t stay away from you even at a funeral.

(Alisha moves towards them.)

Alisha. Sorry to disturb you here Bob but your mobile is switched off and I have just had a message that Alan Cameron from Caledonian Investments he wants to talk to you urgently, some problem has come up with the contract and he wants to sort it out today so it can be signed and sealed by next weekend. It looks like our trip to Scotland last month has paid off.

(Robert looks at his wife for permission.)

Mary. Trip to Scotland? You never mentioned any trip to Scotland. You said you were going golfing with some of the lads from University. You went away for a weekend with her and never mentioned it, I wonder why? Well of course I know why, you’re having an affair with her aren’t you?

Robert. No, of course not, I knew you would react like this so I thought it would be best if I didn’t mention it.

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Alisha. Mrs Murray I don’t know what makes you think there is anything going on between Bob, I mean Mr. Murray and me but I swear there is absolutely nothing going on.

Mary. If you think I believe that rubbish you must think I am really stupid.

Robert. I swear there is nothing going on between me and Alisha, look, we have to go, we can talk about this later, I’ll explain everything when I get home.

Mary. There is nothing more to say, go and don’t come back!

(Robert and Alisha leave. The action moves to Roy and Anne).

Roy. Mum, are you going to stay around here? After all you hardly know anyone.

Anne. I suppose I could go back to Sussex but it is so expensive down there, I’m not sure I can afford it. And anyway I don’t know many people down there either, and those I do know I don’t particularly like. They were mostly your fathers’ friends from work. There is your aunt Janet but she is trotting on now and I hardly think she will make riveting company; No, I think I’ll stay, at least for a while.

Roy. You could move down to Cambridge and stay with me.

Anne. I don’t think so, you will be very busy with your studying and I wouldn’t want to cramp your style, you don’t want your mum looking over your shoulder when you are planning a night on the town.

(She laughs and hugs him.)

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Anne. I’m sure I’ll be alright; I have my memories to keep me warm. I just have to get used to being alone, it won’t be easy but I just have to face it.

(Anne sings “Sand and Water”.)

All alone I didn’t like the feeling

All alone I sat and cried

All alone I had to find some meaning

In the centre of the pain I felt inside.

All alone I came into this world

All alone I will someday die

Solid stone is just sand and water baby

Sand and water and a million years gone by.

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns

I will hear you in the sound of the waves

I will know you when I come, as we all will come

Through the doors beyond the grave.

All alone I heal this heart of sorrow

All alone I raise this child

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Flesh and bone he’s just bursting towards tomorrow

And his laughter fills my world and wears your smile.

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns,

I will hear you in the sound of the waves

I will know you when I come as we all will come

Through the doors beyond the grave.

All alone I came into this world

All alone I will someday day

Sold stone is just sand and water baby

Sand and water and a million years gone by.

Act Two.

A Singles Bar.

Bobby. Not many in tonight, wonder why I bother sometimes.

John. You bother because you have nothing else to do, and neither

do I. What do you want? You’re usual?

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Bobby. I suppose, say isn’t that Jane Rogers, (slowly) no, but it looks

like her. You used to fancy her at University.

John. God Bobby how far back are you going now? I know Mary hurt

you when she dumped you but for God’s sake get over it and move

on.

Bobby. I have moved on, I had to; she kicked me out of the house.

(They move to the bar and order drinks).

(Three ladies now enter, one is the aforesaid Mary).

Mary. How did I ever let you talk me into coming here, I got rid of

one useless man, I certainly don’t want another one.

Carol. We didn’t force you; let’s face it you were bored witless

staying in every night.

Mary. I was not; I am really into Casualty and Ant and Dec. (Pause).

Okay you’re right I was bored rigid. But this place doesn’t exactly

look like its buzzing.

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Barbara. Give it a chance, it’s early, it picks up after nine, well

sometimes it does. Oh my God! Look whose over there.

Mary. Bobby! I’m not stopping, I’m going. (She begins to move back

to the door but Carol and Barbara pull her back). Did you two know

he would be here?

Carol. Of course not we’re not stupid, well we are, but not that

stupid.

Barbara. You can’t go now; it will look like you are afraid of being in

the same room as him.

Mary. I’m not afraid of him; I just don’t want anything more to do

with the useless, lying, cheating, swine.

Carol. I knew he was useless a liar and a swine all men are, but I

never knew he cheated on you?

Mary. Oh he denied it, but there’s no way he was just working

overtime every other night. That secretary of his was a right little

tart, just up his street.

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Barbara. Come on let’s get a seat and I’ll get the drinks in, you don’t

have to go anywhere near him.

Mary. No, I’m going; this has ruined any chance of me having a good

night out.

(The two other women take her by the arm and lead her to a seat in

the corner, as far away from the bar as possible).

Carol. Are you going to be good or do we have to tie you to that

chair?

Mary. Okay, leave me alone; just don’t expect me to have a good

time.

Carol and Barbara. We won’t.

(They both go to the bar).

Carol. (To the barman). Two white wines and a whisky and soda

please.

Barman. Certainly madam. Ice in the whisky?

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Carol. No thank you.

John. Well if it isn’t Carol Jones as was, what the hell are you doing in

a place like this?

Carol. Get lost John; you tried that line three weeks ago

John. Did I? I must be losing it.

Carol. You never had it to start with.

John. You love me really don’t you?

Carol. Dream on!

John. Oh I do, every night.

Carol. That’s all it’s ever going to be boy, a dream! You really are a

fool.

(John. Sings “Oh Carol” in a jokey way).

Oh, Carol, I am but a foolDarling, I love you though' you treat me cruelYou hurt me and you made me cryBut if you leave me I will surely die

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Darling, there will never be another'Cause I love you soDon't ever leave meSay you'll never goI will always want you for my sweetheartNo matter what you doOh, Carol, I'm so in love with you

[Instrumental Interlude]

Oh, Carol, I am but a foolDarling I love you though' you treat me cruelYou hurt me and you made me cryBut if you leave me I will surely die

Darling, there will never be another'Cause I love you soDon't ever leave meSay you'll never goI will always want you for my sweetheartNo matter what you doOh, Carol, I'm so in love with you

(John having finished, Carol turns her back on him and he starts to

talk to Barbara).

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John. Well if it’s not Barbara Smith! It is! As I live and breathe.

Barbara. We come in here every week and you come out with the

same inane rubbish every week, no wonder Amy left you.

John. She left me because she was jealous of all the girls wanting my

body.

Barbara. The only women who wanted your body were the

desperate dames you got off with in places like this. You know John,

you really are a prat.

John. You say the nicest things.

(The two women walk back to Mary with the drinks).

Bobby. Why don’t you just shut up for a while, you’re even getting

on my nerves now, never mind those two.

John. Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a little, nothing wrong

with a bit of banter with the opposite sex. Come to think of it, if

you’d spent more time talking to Mary than talking on the phone at

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work you might not be sitting here, you might have been sitting by a

cosy fire cuddled up to your beloved.

Bobby. I was trying to give us the lifestyle I thought she wanted; I

spent thousands on jewellery, and the house, everything any normal

woman could ever want.

John. Did you ever ask her if that was what she wanted?

Bobby. Of course it’s what she wanted; she just didn’t like what it

cost to get them. I worked damn hard and look where I ended up.

Anyway, what about you? Why on earth did you leave your missus,

what was wrong with her?

John. There was nothing wrong with her, look, it’s like when you go

into a restaurant and order the best steak in the house, then a man

at the next table has the fish and you think “That looks nice, wish I’d

ordered that”. Its s pity they don’t do “Surf and Turf” in real life,

make picking a woman a whole lot easier if you could just have a bit

of each!

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Bobby. The girls are right you do talk a lot of drivel.

(The two men begin drinking their beers; Bobby is still unaware that

Mary is in the club).

(A waiter approaches Anne).

Waiter. My name is Chris and I am your waiter for tonight. Is there

anything I can get you?

Anne. Can I have a white wine spritzer please? Chris? Don’t I know

you?

Waiter. Yes madam I work for your husband, well I used to work for

him, I ‘m still with the company I just work in here part time to earn a

bit extra, helps with the bills. I was very upset when I heard the

news, he was a lovely man.

Anne. It’s very kind of you to say so. (She goes into a shell) (There is

an awkward pause).

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Waiter. So it’s just a white wine sprirtzer?

Anne. (Absentmindedly) Oh, yes.

(She looks around the room just as Adam walks in. He sees her

immediately and she sees him, he keeps staring she avoids his gaze

a little confused by it).

(Adam goes to the bar).

Adam. Who’s the new girl in the corner? (Speaking to the barman).

Barman. Not seen her before, she came in on her own.

Adam. Not many come here on their own; usually have a girlfriend or

two in tow.

Barman. Actually I don’t think she realises its singles bar.

Adam. How could she not know? It’s called “Singles” for God’s sake!

Barman. Probably thought it referred to the drinks.

Adam. You know Sam; you say some daft things at times. (Turning to

the waiter). Is that for her?

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Waiter. Yes, why?

Adam. I’ll pay for that. (He drops a fiver on the tray). Keep the

change and point her in my direction

Waiter. Certainly sir, and thank you, but actually I think you’re

wasting your time.

Adam. Why’s that?

Waiter. Well sir, I used to work for her husband, he died a few

months ago, really close they were, really close. In fact I am surprised

to see her in here, hardly seen her at all since the funeral. They went

everywhere together, never saw them apart hardly. I doubt she is

looking for anyone to take his place.

Adam. Thanks for the info, but give her the drink anyway, you never

know.

Waiter. Okay, but you’re wasting your time.

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(The waiter leaves taking Anne’s drink to her. He points to Adam

and whispers something to Anne, then he places down the drink

and returns to the bar).

Adam. What did she say?

Waiter. “She said “thanks” but she would pay for it herself. Do you

want the fiver back”?

Adam. (Absentmindedly) “No, keep it. (To himself). Must have been

some sort of guy who could pull a bird like you and make you think

the sun shone out of his backside? Still, shame to leave a girl like you

on your own; you deserve company, my company.”

Anne. (She starts to put her purse away and a picture of her late

husband falls out. She looks at it with love and regret in her eyes

and begins to sing. (“As Usual”).

The sun comes up and brings the dawn As usual When I awake I'll find you gone As usual But I can't find a way to let

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This crazy heart of mine forget I pretend you're still beside me As usual Each evening I take a walk As usual I make believe that we still talk As usual People always stop and stare I guess they just don't see you there Don't they know you'll always be right here As usual Today I looked into my mirror As usual I told myself that you're still here As usual And as I stood there telling lies The tears began to fill my eyes Cause I know I'm only fooling myself As usualWhen I awake I'll find you gone

(The scene shifts to the three girls).

Mary. Okay, what did he say?

Carol. Nothing, he doesn’t know you’re here, yet.

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Mary. He always did walk around with his eyes shut, he didn’t notice

me when he was at home, I’m not surprised he hasn’t noticed me in

here.

Barbara. Sounds to me like you want him to see you.

Mary. Of course not, but for heaven’s sake I ‘m only 30 feet away!!

Carol. Keep your voice down or he will hear you if he doesn’t see

you.

Barbara. This is ridiculous, he’s bound to see you soon enough, why

not approach him and get it over with.

Mary. I will not! If he wants to talk to me he can come to me.

Carol. But he doesn’t realise you’re here.

Mary. Oh to hell with it. (She strides purposefully over to the bar to

speak to Bobby. Bobby has his back to her and doesn’t see her

coming but John does).

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John. Just going to the loo. (He darts off. Booby is baffled for a

moment then Mary speaks).

Mary. So this is what you get up to now, can’t get enough from that

floozie at work so you come here.

Bobby. Whoa, what are you on about and never mind me, what the

hell are you doing here?

Mary. That’s it, avoid the question.

Bobby. I am not avoiding the question; I’m asking you a better one. If

you MUST know this is my first visit and John dragged me along.

Mary. You think I believe that, I’ll bet you’ve been in here every

weekend since I threw you out.

Bobby. Look, if you don’t believe me ask John. (He realises belatedly

that John is no longer there, Mary gives him a knowing look) Ask

the barmen, have you ever seen me in here before?

Barman. (Rather too quickly) Never sir.

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Mary. Men! You ALL stick together and lie through your teeth. (She

storms off back to her table.)

Mary. I am sick of him and his lies; I could kill him, the sooner my

marriage is over the better.

Barbara. That’s the trouble with marriage; it’s just like a game of

cards.

Mary. How do you mean?

Barbara. Well you start off with two Hearts and a Diamond and end

up wishing for a Club and a Spade!

The three girls laugh and start on their drinks.

Barman. Wife? (John nods) Thought so. Another drink?

Bobby. Might as well, same again.

(The scene switches to the door again as a good looking older guy

walks in. He is well dressed, suit, the lot He strolls to the bar and

orders a drink).

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James. Large Bacardi and Coke please. (The barman serves him

without comment).

Bobby. Hi. New in town?

James. Yes, how did you know?

Bobby. Just a guess, you looked a bit lost.

James. I am a bit, though I used to live locally.

Bobby. (With a sudden recognition) I thought I recognised you; it’s

James, James Simpson, where the hell have you been?

James. Oh, here and there.

Bobby. Well here and there doesn’t seem to have done you much

harm.

James. No. I’ve done alright, I run my own firm, accountancy, very

boring but very lucrative.

Bobby. Nice, I take it that if you’re in here you’re not attached.

James. No, I was for a while but it didn’t work out.

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Bobby. Sorry to hear that.

James. You?

Bobby. To be honest I’m not quite sure.

James. Pardon?

Bobby. Well technically I am still married, but I won’t be for long if

the wife has her way.

James. Sounds like we’re in the same boat, Saturday night and no

date. (He sings “Another Saturday Night”).

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody I've got some money 'cause I just got paid Now how I wish I had someone to talk to I'm in an awful way.

I got in town a month ago I've seen a lot of girls since then, If I could meet 'em I could get 'em But as yet I haven't met 'em Thats how I'm in the state I'm in.

CHORUS

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Another fella told me He had a sister who looked just fine Instead of bein' my deliverance She had a strange resemblance To a cat named Frankenstein.

CHORUS

Its hard on a fella When he don't know his way around If I don't find me a honey To help me spend my money I'm gonna have to blow this town.

CHORUS

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody I've got some money 'cause I just got paid How I wish I had someone to talk to I'm in an awful, ooh, I'm in an awful way, He's in an awful way, I'm in an awful ooh, I'm in an awful way, He's in an awful way.

Bobby. Have another drink.

James. Thanks, I will.

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(At this point John finally returns and the three chat. The scene

moves to the girls).

Barbara. Come on you two, drink up, my round. (They drink up and

Barbara heads for the bar.

Barbara. Two white wines and a whisky and soda barman if you

please. (Turning to the men). And who is this good looking fellow

with you two dead legs.

John. (Speaking to James). This my dear James is the ever so

charming Barbara Thomas, divorcee of this parish. And this my dear

Barbara is the ever so rich James Simpson, divorcee of another

parish.

Barbara. Rich? We don’t get “rich” in here very often. What am I

saying; we never get “rich” in here. I thought you looked a bit over-

dressed compared to the rest of the jokers in here. (She sings “Big

Spender).

34

The minute you walked in the joint I could see you were a man of distinction a real big spender Good looking, so refined Say wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind So let me get right to the point I don't pop my cork for every man I see Hey big spender spend a little time with me Wouldn't you like to have fun, fun, fun Hows about a few laughs, laughs I could show you a good time Let me show you a good time The minute you walked in the joint I could see you were a man of distinction, a real big spender good looking, so refined Say wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind So let me get right to the point I don't pop my cork for every man I see Hey big spender hey big spender hey big spender spend a little time with me

35

John. Give it a rest Barbara; he’s only just got back in town.

Barbara. Back? You mean you used to live around here and you

came back, are you insane?

James. To be honest it feels good to be back.

Barbara. There’s no accounting for taste, mind you, yours is suspect

by the company you’re keeping now. (Picking up her drinks she

heads back to the other two women).

Barbara. See him at the bar with those two, he’s loaded and he

reckons he used to live around here, but I don’t recognise him.

Carol. Oh but I do. It was before you moved here, I went to the same

school as him, so did Mary.

Mary. Yes, now you mention it I do recognise him; mind you he’s

changed a lot. Came from the old council estate if I remember

rightly, right little scruff. You and him were an item for a while

weren’t you?

36

Carol. That was just kids stuff; we were only fourteen or fifteen.

Mary. First love, always the hardest to forget.

Carol. It was never serious, well not that serious.

Barbara. What happened, who dumped who?

Carol. It was my Mum really, said he was a waste of space and

wouldn’t let him in the house.

Barbara. I bet she would now; he can come home with me anytime.

Mary. You’d have anybody in trousers.

Barbara. Not true, I’d much rather have them out of their trousers.

Carol. How did Danny ever put up with you so long? How many men

did you have whilst you were married to the poor sap?

Barbara. Not as many as I would have liked. What you don’t

understand is how boring Danny was, in and out of bed.

Mary. You promised it was for better or worse.

37

Barbara. That was before I knew how “worse” it was going to be!

Carol. Have you got any intention of settling down again with just

one man?

Barbara. No intention whatsoever, but I might make an exception in

his case.

Mary. You really are incorrigible! (They all laugh).

(The scene changes to Anne. Adam approaches and speaks to her).

Adam. I do hope I didn’t offend you offering that drink, I was just

trying to be friendly.

Anne. No, I wasn’t offended but I would rather buy my own thank

you.

Adam. Do you mind if I join you? No strings and I won’t try to buy

you another drink.

Anne. To be honest I’d rather you didn’t, I’d rather be on my own.

38

Adam. (Sitting down). Now that can’t be true or you wouldn’t have

come out in the first place.

Anne. I suppose not. It’s just that I don’t think I will be good company

for anyone at the moment.

Adam. I find that difficult to believe, a lovely lady like you.

Anne. Look if you must know I lost my husband a few months ago

and this is the first time I have been out since the funeral.

Adam. (Feigning surprise) Oh I am sorry; I shouldn’t have intruded

on you. (He gets up as if to leave).

Anne. No, stay, you weren’t to know. Anyway it might be nice to

have some company for a few minutes.

Adam. (Sitting down again). I’ll stay just as long as you want me to;

just say when you want me to go.

Anne. (She smiles and they begin to chat).

(The scene moves to the bar and the lads again).

39

Bobby. (To James). Sorry about Barbara, she’s okay really, just a bit

full on at times.

James. I didn’t mind, it was fun in a strange way. Correct me if I’m

wrong but isn’t that Carol Jones with your wife and Barbara.

John. Used to be, Carol Wadsworth now.

James. Married?

Bobby. Course not; she wouldn’t be in here if she was.

James. Well you’re married and so is your wife and you’re both in

here.

Bobby. Like I said, that’s just a technicality.

John. Anyway, How come you know Carol, and why so interested?

James. Oh I just knew her at school; we went out for a while. Just

going to the loo, back in a bit. (James moves away from the two

men and stands at the edge of the stage looking at Carol and begins

to sing.)

40

My eyes adored you

Though I never laid a hand on you

My eyes adored you

Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see

How I adored you:

So close, so close and yet so far away

Carried your books from school,

Playing make-believe you're married to me:

You were fifth grade, I was sixth

When we came to be

Walking home every day over Barnegat Bridge and Bay,

Till we grew into the me and you

Who went our separate ways

My eyes adored you

Though I never laid a hand on you,

41

My eyes adored you

Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see

How I adored you:

So close, so close and yet so far

Headed for city lights,

Climbed the ladder up to fortune and fame,

I worked my fingers to the bone,

Made myself a name.

Funny, I seem to find that, no matter how the years unwind,

still I reminisce about the girI I miss

and the love I left behind...

My eyes adored you

Though I never laid a hand on you,

My eyes adored you

Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see

42

How I adored you:

So close, so close and yet so far

All my life I will remember how warm and tender

We were way back then

Though I'm feeling sad regrets I know I won't ever forget

You, my childhood friend

My eyes adored you

Though I never laid a hand on you,

My eyes adored you

Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see

How I adored you:

So close, so close and yet so far

(He exits).

(The scene moves back to the three girls).

43

Barbara. (To Mary). Tell me again, why did you dump Bobby?

Mary. I’ve told you why.

Barbara. You only told us you thought he was having an affair, of

which you have no proof whatsoever as far as we know.

Mary. God Barbara, you at least should now what men are like,

you’ve had enough of them!

Barbara. That’s not a nice thing to say to a friend, it’s true, but it’s

not a nice thing to say. You’re avoiding the question, why’d you

dump him?

Mary. I “dumped him” as you put it because he was hardly ever at

home and when he was he was “somewhere else”.

Carol. In fairness to the man he did work every hour God sent.

Mary. That was his story, but I think he was with that secretary of

his, that’s why he was always so tired.

44

Barbara. Okay, give us one bit of proof that he was having it away

with her or anyone else?

Mary. Oh do shut up!!

Barbara. Thought so, no proof whatsoever. Has it ever occurred to

you that he was working all those hours and that he was doing it for

you?

Carol. I hate to say it but Barbara has a point.

Mary. Shut up both of you.

Carol. (To Barbara). Do you remember what she was like at Uni? It

was “Booby said this” and “Bobby did that” she was desperate to get

him, and she did. What was she always singing? Oh I remember. (The

two girls start to sing “Bobby’s girl” and Mary eventually joins in).

(You’re not a kid anymore; you’re not a kid anymore.)

When people ask of me, “What would you like to be now that you’re not a kid anymore?”(You’re not a kid anymore.)I know just what to say,

45

I answer right away.There’s just one thing I’ve been wishing for.

I wanna be Bobby’s girl; I wanna be Bobby’s girl.That’s the most important thing to me.And if I was Bobby’s girl, if I was Bobby’s girl.What a faithful, thankful girl I’d be.

Each night I sit at home, hoping that he will phone.But I know Bobby has someone else.(You’re not a kid anymore.)Still in my heart I pray, there soon will come the day, when I will have him all to myself.

I wanna be Bobby’s girl; I wanna be Bobby’s girl.That’s the most important thing to me.And if I was Bobby’s girl,If I was Bobby’s girl,What a faithful, thankful girl I’d be.What a faithful, thankful girl I’d be.I wanna be Bobby’s girl, I wanna be Bobby’s girl; I wanna be Bobby’s girl. (Fade)

(The scene returns to Adam and Anne).

46

Anne. Thank you for staying, I’ve enjoyed talking to you, it was nice

to talk about Alan, I hope I didn’t bore you?

Adam. Of course not, it sounds like he was a great guy.

Anne. Oh he was, everyone liked Alan, he got on with everyone.

Adam. Yeh, you said.

Anne. I did bore you, I knew I had.

Adam. No you didn’t; but you did just talk about Alan, what about

you?

Anne. Me? Oh I’m not very interesting, just a housewife and mother,

I have son, at University, he’s at Cambridge.

Adam. (Impressed) Cambridge, but I didn’t mean that, I meant what

do you like, what do you want to do with the rest of your life?

Anne. I did like to go to the theatre, I loved the Ballet and Alan

always came with me, though I had to keep nudging him to keep him

47

awake. I told him he didn’t have to come but he knew how much I

loved it so he always did.

Adam. But what now, what are you planning to do now you’re on

your own?

Anne. I have no idea, I have not even thought of the future. I might

go back to Sussex, I have some family there, and Roy, that’s my son,

plans to go back when he finishes his degree, he wants us to live

together somewhere nice on the coast.

Adam. Sounds to me that you are giving up on life. Your son might

love to have you living with him or nearby but he will have his own

life, what will you have if you leave your home and all your friends?

Anne. I have no friends to speak of up here, but I do like the area.

Like I said, I haven’t given the future much thought at all. Anyway,

what about you. What do you do? Why no woman in your life?

Adam. Me? I’m a travelling salesman, and no, I don’t travel in ladies

underwear, I sell computer software. As for a woman in my life, no,

48

my lifestyle doesn’t fit in with that sort of thing, though there was a

woman I could have married, but that was a long time ago.

Anne. Tell me about her.

(Adam sings December 1963. Oh what a night).

Oh, what a night.Late December back in '63.What a very special time for me,'Cause I remember what a night.

Oh, what a night.You know, I didn't even know her name, But I was never gonna be the same.What a lady. What a night.

Oh, I. I got a funny feeling when she walkedin the room and I, as I recall it ended much too soon.

Oh, what a night, Hypnotizing, mesmerizing me.She was everything I dreamed she'd be.Sweet surrender, what a night!

49

Oh, what a night.Why'd it take so long to see the light?Seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right.Sweet surrender, what a night!

I felt a rush like a rolling bolt of thunderspinnin' my head around and taking my body under.Oh, what a night!(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)Oh, what a night!(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)Oh, what a night!(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)Oh, what a night!(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)Oh, what a night!(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)Oh, what a night!(Do, do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do, do, do.)

Anne. Sounds like you still love her.

Adam. Maybe, all I know is I’ve never felt the same about anyone

else.

50

Anne. Is that why you chase all the women, don’t look so innocent,

the waiter told me all about you.

Adam. Never trust a waiter. If you knew my reputation why did you

let me sit with you?

Anne. I thought you might be fun, and you were.

Adam. I take it you want me to go now?

Anne. Only if you want to.

Adam. (Strangely subdued). I don’t want to. Can I buy you that drink

now?

Anne. Yes please.

(Adam calls over the Waiter. The scene moves to the bar again

where James has rejoined John and Bobby).

Bobby. (Looking towards Anne and Adam). Looks like someone has

managed to “cop off” over there.

John. Who him? Thinks he’s God’s gift that one.

51

Bobby. And everyone knows it’s you that’s God’s gift.

John. Not my fault the ladies love me.

Bobby. Seems to me that Carol and Barbara have no problem

ignoring your charms.

John. Oh I’m not after Carol; its just banter, but I have to say I do

quite fancy Barbara.

Bobby. (Sarcastically). I would never have guessed. She’d run rings

around you.

John. That might be fun, playing “Ring a Ring a Roses” especially the

“we all fall down bit”. I know a few places I wouldn’t mind falling

down with her.

Bobby. You’re more likely to catch a cold from the “Atishoo, Atishoo”

bit!

James. What about you Bobby, you and Mary I mean, any chance of

you two getting back together?

52

Bobby. I doubt it, I made too many mistakes, I didn’t show her how

much I loved her enough, well, that’s what she said. Maybe she’s

right, maybe I didn’t.

James. If you think you can change why don’t you tell her?

Bobby. I doubt she would listen.

James. A wise man once said “You only regret what you don’t do”

and I think he was right.

Bobby. Are you referring to me and Mary or you and Carol?

James. You and Mary of course.

Bobby. It sounded to me like you have some regrets too.

James. Not really, it was too long ago, we were only kids. I’ve

changed a hell of a lot since then and I’m sure Carol has too.

Bobby. Are you trying to persuade me or yourself?

53

James. I’m not trying to persuade anyone of anything, I just think you

should give your marriage another try. You obviously still have

feelings for Mary; she may still have feelings for you.

Bobby. You’re right on the first part, not so sure on the second.

John. Like James said, worth a try what have you got to lose?

Bobby. I do have some pride left.

John. Great stuff, “pride” keeps you warm at night I hear. Look she’s

coming over, we’ll give you some space. Come on James I need to

recycle some beer anyway.

James. I’ve just been.

John. Me too but we’ll pretend we’ve got prostate trouble and go

again!

(They walk off leaving Bobby at the bar on his own).

Mary. (To the barman, pointedly ignoring Bobby). Two white wines

and a whisky and soda please.

54

Bobby. I see you still drink your whisky without the ice.

Mary. At least you noticed something from when we were together,

anything else come to mind?

Bobby. (He takes a deep breath). Only that I still love you and that

I’ve never stopped loving you.

Mary. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times

you said that to me in the last two years.

Bobby. I thought you knew how I felt about you.

Mary. Women like to hear it Bobby, regularly, I hardly ever saw you

never mind heard you.

Bobby. Be fair Mary, I was working a hell of a lot to pay for

everything.

Mary. You said you were working, but you were always with that

secretary of yours; don’t try to tell me there was nothing going on.

55

Bobby. I swear there was nothing going on between me and Alisha;

she’s as happily married as I thought I was.

Mary. Even if I believed you, which I still don’t, (Though she

obviously does) you ruined our marriage, you were never there.

Bobby. If you don’t believe anything else please believe me when I

say I always loved you and still do. (He sings “You were always on

my mind”).

Maybe I didn’t treat youQuite as good as I should haveMaybe I didn’t love youQuite as often as I could haveLittle things I should have said and doneI just never took the time

You were always on my mindYou were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn’t diedGive me, give me one more chanceTo keep you satisfied, satisfied

Maybe I didn’t hold youAll those lonely, lonely times

56

And I guess I never told youI’m so happy that you’re mineIf I make you feel second bestGirl, I’m sorry I was blind

You were always on my mindYou were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn’t diedGive me, give me one more chanceTo keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and doneI just never took the timeYou were always on my mindYou are always on my mindYou are always on my mind

Mary. (Picking up her drinks). I think it’s too late for us Bobby, don’t

you?

Bobby. No I don’t, and I don’t think you do either.

Mary walks off leaving Bobby at the bar.

57

Barbara. What’s going on, we saw you talking to Bobby, I thought

you were going to ignore him?

Mary. (Confused). I was, I mean I am.

Carol. Okay which one is it, you are or you were?

Mary. I was. We had a little chat and I do believe him when he says

there was nothing going on between him and his secretary, but there

was more to our break up than that and he knows it.

Barbara. Yes, I remember, he worked all hours God sent to give you

all the good things in life; I should be so lucky to find such an

inconsiderate man.

Mary. You make it sound so perfect but not having anyone to talk to

night after night is no fun I can tell you.

Barbara. You don’t think we don’t both know that?

Mary. I’m sorry, of course you do but it’s different when you’re

supposed to have a man in your life.

58

Carol. Maybe that’s true, but technically you still do have a man in

your life and it seems with a little effort you could still have one in

reality. My marriage wasn’t perfect but I still wish I could have saved

it.

Barbara. I don’t want my boring old fart back but I wouldn’t mind

someone to cuddle up to every now and then.

Mary. You said you weren’t interested in finding a partner, you said

you just wanted to play the field.

Barbara. I lied.

Carol. What I have is just a dream, you could have reality. (Carol

sings “Dream Lover”).

Every night, I hope and pray A dream lover will come my way A boy to hold in my arms And know the magic of his charms

(Chorus:) Because I want a boy To call my own

59

I want a dream lover So I don't have to dream alone

Dream lover, where are you With a love oh so true And a hand that I can hold To feel you near when I grow old?

(Repeat chorus)

(Bridge:) Someday--I don't know how I hope you'll hear my plees Some way--I don't know how He’ll bring his love to me

Dream lover, until then I'll go to sleep and dream again That's the only thing to do Until my lover's dreams come true

(Repeat chorus)

Carol. What time is it?

Barbara. It’s only ten fifteen, but I’ve had enough tonight, shall we

go?

60

Carol. Yes I’ve had enough too, how about you Mary?

Mary. (Somewhat reluctantly). Yes, let’s go.

(As they walk out a man walks alongside Mary and speaks to her).

Man. Hey Mary, can I offer you all a lift.

Mary. Thanks Martin, it’s not out of your way is it?

Man. No, it’s right on your route. I take it your mates live locally too?

Mary. Yes, just around the corner from me.

Man. Great, come on, I’m parked just across the road.

(They all leave the club).

(Bobby thinks he is her new man and he sings “There goes my

heart”).

There goes my heart, there goes the one I loveThere goes the girl I wasn't worthy ofThere goes my happiness, it couldn't beThere goes somebody else instead of me

Goodbye romance, it couldn't last somehow

61

I had my chance but it's all over nowI never thought that she could pass me byThere goes my heart and here am I

<instrumental interlude>

There goes my heart, there goes the one I loveThere goes the girl I wasn't worthy ofThere goes my happiness, it couldn't beThere goes somebody else instead of me

Goodbye romance, it couldn't last somehowI had my chance but it's all over nowI never thought that she could pass me byThere goes my heart.. ..And here am I.

Curtain.

Act Three.

(In front of the curtain Barbara and John are walking slowly across

stage, they stop to talk.)

Barbara. I can’t believe we’ve been seeing each other for over a

month and Carol and Mary haven’t found out.

62

John. Would it be so terrible if they did?

Barbara. I would rather keep it to ourselves, at least for a while.

John. I don’t see why?

Barbara. It’s just I don’t want to risk spoiling what we have.

John. Why, what do we have?

Barbara. That’s just it, I don’t know what we have, do you?

John. Well we’ve been seeing each other virtually every day for

nearly six weeks and we still seem to enjoy each other’s company

and the other night was wonderful.

Barbara. It was wasn’t it and you’re right we do get on well, but it

still doesn’t mean we should get too involved.

John. If what we‘ve been doing for the last few weeks is not getting

too involved I don’t know what is.

Barbara. (Exasperated) Oh I don’t know, it’s just it has happened so

quickly, we haven’t had time to think it all through.

63

John. So what are you saying, do you want to end it?

Barbara. No, of course not, it’s just I am worried we are getting

carried away; we’re acting like a couple of kids.

John. I see nothing wrong with acting like a couple of kids, I have had

to grow old, I refuse to grow up.

Barbara. That’s the difference between us, I have grown up, I’m an

adult and I feel I should act like one.

John. I was only kidding about not growing up, but surely we have a

right to fall in love no matter how old we are?

Barbara. Is that how you feel; are you in love with me?

John. Well if I am completely honest at this moment I can’t say I am

totally sure, but I am 90% sure and I would like the opportunity to

add the other 10%.

Barbara. It’s that 10% I am worried about; it’s why I want to wait

awhile before saying anything to the others.

64

John. Okay, we will keep quiet about it for a bit longer if that’s what

you want.

Barbara. It is, and thank you for being so understanding.

John. If it’s what you want that’s what we’ll do, now let’s get to the

restaurant, I’m starving. (Lights go out)

Act Four.

(The singles bar a month or so later. The girls are already in the bar,

Bobby and John enter).

John. See, I told you she would be in again.

Bobby. (Sarcastically). You must be clairvoyant. You idiot, I told you

she will be waiting for that new bloke I saw her leave with last time I

was here.

John. Well Barbara said he was just giving them all a lift home, he

works with Mary at the Bank and he’s Gay for God’s sake.

65

Bobby. Okay, but it doesn’t mean she’s in here to see me. Hang on,

Barbara? When did she tell you this?

John. Err.. We ran into each other in Tesco then went for a drink.

Didn’t I tell you?

Bobby. No you damn well didn’t and you know you didn’t. Don’t tell

me there is something going on between you and Barbara?

John. Nothing serious, but I’m living in hopes.

Bobby. The mind boggles. Knowing her reputation I thought you

might have more sense.

John. Be fair, you don’t know all the rumours are true and let’s face it

I’ve been no angel.

Bobby. If only half the rumours are true I still think even you’ve

bitten off more than you can chew. And anyway what about not

being able to choose between “Steak and Fish”?

66

John. That’s easy, I‘ve become a vegetarian; seriously she’s nothing

like you’d imagine when you’re on your own with her, she’s clever

and funny and really great to be with.

Bobby. Oh my God, it sounds like you’re smitten!

John. I am a bit, but honestly she can be really nice.

Bobby. I’ll just have to take your word for that. (Speaking to the

Barman). Two pints please.

John. (Noticing that Mary and Carol are heading for the loo). Won’t

be a minute just going to have a word with Barbara while she’s on

her own.

Bobby. Oh don’t mind me, I’m used to rejection.

(John walks over to Barbara).

John. Hi. Are we still on for tomorrow night?

Barbara. Yes, of course, but I haven’t told Carol and Mary yet, have

you told Bobby?

67

John. Well yes, it just slipped out.

Barbara. Bang goes our agreement to keep it to ourselves for now.

John. Sorry, forgive me?

Barbara. I suppose I’ll have to. It was bound to get out sooner or

later, it’s just I would have preferred later, give me more time to

prepare them for the shock.

John. Is that what I am, a shock?

Barbara. Not you personally, just the idea that I’m going out with

someone, not just a casual someone.

John. It’s nice to now I’m not just a casual someone, whatever that

is.

Barbara. You know what I mean.

John. If you mean someone who’s serious about you and wants a

serious relationship, then yes, I do.

Barbara. Well yes, but let’s not rush things.

68

John. We’re a bit old for taking our time, we’re not kids anymore.

Barbara. What does that mean exactly?

John. I’m saying I’ve acquired that extra 10%, I love you and I want to

spend what’s left of my life with you. (He sings “A Forever Kind of

Love).

It seems my reputation’s met you before me,

People say I treat love like a game,

Well once that was so true,

But now that I’ve found you, I know that I will never be the same.

Yes I’ve kissed girls just for the thrill of kissing them,

And I’ve told them goodbye without ever missing them,

But darling since we met my roving days are through,

I’m offering you a forever kind of love.

I must admit I used to kiss and run before,

But please don’t judge me by the things I’ve done before,

Believe me; every word I’ve said to you is true,

I’m offering you, a forever kind of love.

Although you won’t be my first love,

I promise you you’re going to be my last love.

I wasn’t true to any girl I knew before,

69

Cos I was saving all my love for you before,

Oh darling, now I’ll never want somebody new,

I’m offering you, a forever kind of love.

Barbara. My God, I didn’t think you were THAT serious!!

John. Well I am, is it a problem? I get it; I’m not good enough for

you.

Barbara. Where did that come from? When have I ever said that?

John. Well what are you saying?

Barbara. I’m saying I was not expecting all this to happen so quickly,

what am I saying; I never expected it to happen at all at my age.

John. You’re not that old, and anyway it confirms what I said, we are

too old to be taking too much time over this. So what do you say?

Barbara. If I knew the question I might answer it.

John. It’s simple and old fashioned, will you marry me?

Barbara. But we hardly know each other.

70

John. What’s to know, I’m divorced, your divorced, we both have

grown up children who have fled the nest, we’ve both been lonely

and now we’re not, and I love you, what more do you need to know?

Barbara. It’s so sudden, I can’t take it in.

John. You do think I’m not good enough for you, that’s it isn’t it?

Barbara. For the last time, that’s not it, I think you’re wonderful. You

have your failings but who doesn’t, I’ve got plenty.

John. So what’s your answer?

Barbara. (She sings “You’ve got what it takes”).

You don't drive a big black car.And you don't look like a movie starand on your money we won't get far.But Baby, you've got what it takes.

Satisfied, you've got what it takesto set my soul on fire.Waa and oh yah, you’ve got what it takes for me.

Chorus:

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You don't live in a beautiful place.And you don't dress with the best of taste.And nature didn't give you such a beautiful face, But Baby, ooee; you've got what it takes.

Satisfied, you've got what it takesto set my soul on fire.Waa, and oh yah, you’ve got what it takes for me.

Now when you're near me, ooee, my head goes around and round.And when you kiss me, ooee, my world comes tumblin' down.

Chorus:You don't live in a beautiful place.And you don't dress with the best of taste.And nature didn't give you such a beautiful face, But Baby, ooee; you've got what it takes.

--- Instrumental ---

You don't live in a beautiful place.And you don't dress with the best of taste.And nature didn't give you such a beautiful face.But Baby, ooee, you've got what it takes.

You've got what it takes.

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You've got what it takes.You've got what it takes.You've got what it takes.You've got what it takes.You've got what it takes...

John. Is that a yes?

Barbara. Of course it is you fool!!

(The embrace and kiss passionately just as the two girls come back.

They are joined by a stunned Bobby).

Carol. What the hell is going on? (She pulls John away from

Barbara.)

Barbara. Its okay, it’s okay.

Carol. Like hell it is, he can’t go around just snogging any woman he

likes, we should call the police.

Barbara. You don’t understand, I was kissing him.

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Mary. (Incredulously). You were kissing him, why the hell would you

do that?

Barbara. Because I love him.

John. (Incredulously). Say that again

Barbara. You heard you big lummox, I love you.

(They embrace as the others look on in amazement).

Mary. (To Carol). Did you know about this?

Carol. Of course not.

(Mary looks inquiringly at Bobby).

Bobby. Don’t look at me; I’m as dumbfounded as you.

John. Look, we met up a few times and we realised what we felt for

each other was real so we.....

Barbara. John, just shut up and do what you’re good at. (She sings

“Shut up and Kiss me).

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Don't mean to get a little forward with you, don't mean to get ahead of where we areDon't mean to act a little nervous around you, I'm just a little nervous about my heart 'causeIt's been awhile since I felt this feeling that everything that you do gives meIt's been so long since somebody whisperedShut up and kiss me

Didn't expect to be in this position, didn't expect to have to rise aboveMy reputation for cynicism, I've been a jaded lady when it comes to love butOh baby just to feel this feeling that everything that you do gives meIt's been too long since somebody whisperedShut up and kiss me

There's something about the silent type attracting me to youAll business baby none of the hypeThat no talker can live up to

Come closer baby I can't hear you, just another whisper if you pleaseDon't worry 'bout the details darlin', you've got the kind of mind I love to readTalk is cheap and baby time's expensive, so why waste another minute moreLife's too short to be so apprehensive, love's as much the symptom darlin' as the cureOh baby when I feel this feeling, it's like genuine voodoo hits me

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It's been too long since somebody whispered...Oh baby I can feel this feeling that everything that you do gives meit’s been too long since somebody whisperedShut up and kiss meShut up and kiss me

(They kiss again at the end of the song).

Bobby. Well damn me, I think I’ve seen everything now.

John. (Still with his arm around Barbara). Get used to it.

(Whilst this is going on James re-enters. He sees the group and joins

them).

James. Looks like I’ve missed something, what’s going on?

Bobby. Barbara and Bobby, that’s what’s going on.

James. No kidding, good on you two. (To the others). It is isn’t it?

Mary. I’m not so sure.

Bobby. Oh don’t be such a killjoy, when you think about it they’re

made for each other, (Pause) just like us.

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Mary. Since when have we been made for each other?

Bobby. Since the day we met and you know it.

Mary. I do not know it. (Said with very little conviction).

Bobby. (He looks her very closely in the eye and slowly and

tenderly kisses her). Do you know now?

Mary. I suppose I do.

(The two of them sing “It started all over again.”).

Woe oh it started all over again,

Woe oh I love you all over again

I thought that I could ignore you but last night I looked up and saw you,

Woe ho, it started all over again.

You smiled and put me right back in a trance,

You smiled and I didn’t stand half a chance.

I said it’s over and done with,

That I’ve found someone new to have my fun with,

But a woe ho it started all over again.

You took my hand and I felt it melt my heart again,

You took my hand and I love you too much to be smart again.

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Woe ho, it started all over again,

Woe ho, I love you all over again.

I thought that I could ignore you

But last night I looked up and saw you,

A Woe ho, it started all over again.

Let me tell you now,

Woe ho, it started all over again,

Woe ho, I love you all over again,

I said it’s over and done with,

I’ve found someone new to have my fun with,

But a woe ho, it started all over again.

Carol. (To James). If this keeps up they will have to change the name

of this club!!

James. Would that be such a bad thing?

Carol. No I suppose it wouldn’t.

James. Anyway you’ve got a man in your life now haven’t you?

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Carol. Oh you mean Martin, no he’s not my boyfriend, we just meet

up occasionally for a drink after work, there’s nothing going on.

James. My mistake, I thought when I saw you two together last night

you were an item, I hope you didn’t mind my butting in but I was

glad to see you again.

Carol. No I didn’t mind at all, it was just we had a table booked, we

had to go.

James. Oh that’s okay, it’s your life, I don’t want to appear nosey.

Carol. I’d never think that of you, even after all this time I hope we

are still friends.

James. Definitely, I will always be your friend. (He sings “You’ve got

a friend”).

When you’re down and troubledand you need a helping handand nothing, whoa nothing is going right.Close your eyes and think of meand soon I will be thereto brighten up even your darkest nights.

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You just call out my name, and you know wherever I amI’ll come running, oh yeah babyto see you again.Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is callAnd Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.You’ve got a friend.

If the sky above youshould turn dark and full of cloudsand that old north wind should begin to blowKeep your head together and call my name out loudand soon I will be knocking upon your door.You just call out my name and you know where ever I amI’ll come running to see you again.Winter, spring, summer or fallall you got to do is callAnd Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend? People can be so cold.They’ll hurt you and desert you.Well they’ll take your soul if you let them.Oh yeah, but don’t you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I amI’ll come running to see you again.

80

Oh babe, don’t you know that, winter spring summer or fall, Hey now, all you’ve got to do is call.Lord, I’ll be there, yes I will.You’ve got a friend.You’ve got a friend.Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend?Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend?You’ve got a friend.

(They walk away from the others to the bar to give the lovers some

space).

James. That might have been us a few years ago if it hadn’t been for

your Mum. Drink?

Carol. White wine please.

James. (To Barman). A white wine and a Bacardi and coke please.

Carol. Don’t blame her too much, she was only doing what she

thought was right.

81

James. I suppose so; I wasn’t much of a catch for her only daughter

back then was I?

Carol. You know what parents are like; they just want the best for

their kids.

James. True, I would have probably done the same in her position.

Carol. Do you have kids?

James. No, my ex wife and I were only together a couple of years; it

was never going to work out. No kids thank God. You?

Carol. Just one, Brian, he’s in Dubai working for a Bank.

James. So you’re on your own now?

Carol. Well not really, Mary and Barbara are always around, though

I’m not sure how much I’ll see of them now.

James. I’m sure they won’t desert you, they’re your friends and you

know I am too. Anyway it’s getting late and I promised to meet

someone. I’ll have to go.

82

Carol. You’ve only just got here, can’t you stay for a while, or is she

the type who dislikes it when people are late, I know I do.

James. To be honest I don’t know, only just met her this week, she

works on the reception at my offices.

Carol. (Hiding her disappointment that it is a woman he is meeting).

Well you’d best get off then, you don’t want to make a bad

impression on your first date.

James. That’s true. Will I see you again? I don’t suppose any of you

will be coming in here again if it all works out for those four.

Carol. I hadn’t thought of that, I suppose you’re right, but I will

probably see you around, this town is not very big.

James. That’s very true. Look, I’ll give you my mobile number, ring

me anytime. (He gives her the number on a piece of paper and

leaves, holding her hand and kissing her on the cheek as he goes).

Carol. (She sings “Crying”).

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I was all right for a while, I could smile for a while But I saw you last night, you held my hand so tight As you stopped to say "Hello" Ah you wished me well, you couldn't tell

That I'd been crying over you, crying over you Then you said "so long"left me standing all alone Alone and crying, crying, crying, cryingIt's hard to understand but the touch of your hand Can start me crying

I thought that I was over you but it's true, oo so true I love you even more than I did beforebut darling what can I do For you don't love me and I'll always be

Crying over you, crying over you Yes, now you're gone and from this moment on I'll be crying

I thought that I was over you but it's true, oo so true I love you even more than I did before but darling what can I do For you don't love me and I'll always be

Crying over you, crying over you

84

Yes, now you're gone and from this moment onI'll be crying

crying, crying, crying Yeah crying, crying, crying over you

(As she finishes her song Adam and Anne enter the club and walk to

the bar).

Adam. White wine spritzer?

Anne. Yes please.

Adam. (To the Barman). A white wine spritzer and a rum and Coke.

Send them over will you. (He directs Anne to a table).

Anne. You never say please do you?

Adam. Don’t I? Does it matter?

Anne. There’s no charge for manners, that’s what Alan used to say.

Adam. He really meant a lot to you didn’t he?

Anne. Well, yes, we were together a long time.

85

Adam. Are you sure he was as wonderful as you are painting him?

Anne. I don’t know what you mean.

Adam. Well he sounds so bloody perfect, no man’s that good.

Anne. But Alan was, he was lovely, everyone liked him.

Adam. Not everyone, he’s getting on my nerves for a start.

Anne. Whatever do you mean?

Adam. In your eyes he’s so damn perfect no other man could ever

aspire to match him.

Anne. I don’t expect anyone to match him; I just thought I could find

someone a bit like him.

Adam. So why take up with the likes of me? Because I’m nothing like

him.

Anne. Because I thought you were nice and, well I thought you might

be fun.

Adam. And am I?

86

Anne. Well not when you’re like this.

(The Waiter arrives with the drinks and places them on the table,

Adam gives him some money and he leaves).

Adam. I’ll tell you exactly what I’m like. (He sings “The Wanderer”).

Oh well I'm the type of guy who will never settle down Where pretty girls are, well you know that I'm around I kiss 'em and I love 'em 'cause to me they're all the same I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em, they don't even know my name They call me the wanderer - yeah - the wanderer I roam around around around around around

Oh well there's Flo on my left and there's Mary on my right And Janie is the girl well that I'll be with tonight And when she asks me which one I love the best I tear open my shirt I got Rosie on my chest 'Cause I'm a wanderer - yeah - I'm a wanderer I roam around around around around around

Well I roam from town to town I go through life without a care I'm as happy as a clown With my two fists of iron, but I'm going nowhere

I'm the type of guy that who likes to roam around I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town

87

And when I find myself fallin' for some girl Yeah, I hop right into that car of mine, I drive around the world Yeah I'm a wanderer, yeah I'm a wanderer I roam around around around around around around around

Yeah, I'm the type of guy who likes to roam around I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town And when I find myself fallin' for some girl yeah I hop right into that car of mine, I drive around the world Yeah I'm a wanderer, yeah I'm a wanderer I roam around around around around around around Yeah I'm a wanderer, Yeah I'm a wanderer I roam around around around around around around.

Anne. I knew that’s what you were like, but you’ve been lovely with

me, attentive and considerate, I thought we were friends.

Adam. You just don’t get it do you?

Anne. Get what?

Adam. Look, I set out to get you into bed, then I had second

thoughts, I have no idea why, well I do, you’re just too nice for the

likes of me to take advantage of.

88

Anne. You make me sound like a Nun.

Adam. You’re not a Nun, but you’re used to something better than

me, you’re used to being given flowers, presents, all the things nice

guys give to nice girls. You’re never going to get them from me. Alan

was a one off; you’re going to have trouble finding someone who’s

anywhere near like him. If I were you I’d settle for your memories,

because if you try to replace him, you’re going to be sorely

disappointed.

Anne. I thought...

Adam. Don’t think anything. I’m not the man you think I am and I’m

definitely not the man you need. (He sings “I won’t send roses”).

I won't send rosesOr hold the doorI won't rememberWhich dress you woreMy heart is too much in controlThe lack of romance in my soulWill turn you grey, kidSo stay away, kidForget my shoulder

89

When you're in needForgetting birthdaysIs guaranteedAnd should I love you, you would beThe last to knowI won't send rosesAnd roses suit you so

My pace is franticMy temper's crossWith words romanticI'm at a lossI'd be the first one to agreeThat I'm preoccupied with meAnd it's inbred, kidSo keep your head, kidIn me you'll find thingsLike guts and nerveBut not the kind of thingsThat you deserveAnd so while there's a fighting chanceJust turn and goI won't send rosesAnd roses suit you so.

Anne. What if I said I didn’t want roses?

90

Adam. That’s the trouble, you do, and you deserve them. Look Anne

let’s call it a day; I’m sorry I led you on but it’s time I was gone out of

your life. I’m not sure what you need but it certainly isn’t me. (He

gets up and walks out).

(Anne sits there devastated. Chris realises something has happened

and comes over).

Waiter. Are you okay Mrs. Kirkham? Is there anything I can do?

Anne. Thanks Chris but no, there’s nothing anyone can do. I think

I’ve got all I need.

Waiter. Are you sure?

Anne. Yes, I’m sure.

(The waiter leaves slowly).

Anne. (Taking out her picture of Alan). If I have nothing else I still

have you.

(She sings “They can’t take that away from me”).

91

There are many many crazy things That will keep me loving youAnd with your permission May I list a few

The way you wore your hatThe way you sipped your teaThe memory of all thatNo they can't take that away from me

The way your smile just beamedThe way you sang off keyThe way you haunt my dreamsNo they can't take that away from me

We may never never meet again, on that bumpy road to loveBut I'll always, always keep the memory of

The way you held your knifeThe way we danced till threeThe way you changed my lifeNo they can't take that away from me

(The scene changes to the two couples).

John. How long does it take to get a marriage licence?

92

Barbara. I have no idea, but let’s get one as quick as we can before

we both have an attack of common sense.

John. I agree, let’s keep common sense out of this. Tell you what,

why don’t we have the reception in here? I’ll get Sam to lay on some

food and a bit of music, it’ll be a hoot.

(The scene ends with them all laughing).

Act Four.

(The club a month later.) Everyone apart from John, Barbara,

James and Anne are already in the club listening to the band play

some soft, quiet music. The happy couple enter amid cheers).

Bobby. Three cheers for the happy couple, hip hip, hooray, hip hip,

hooray, hip hip, hooray.

(Everyone gathers around wishing the couple luck).

Barbara. Is anyone going to get me a drink? (Champagne is handed

to both Barbara and John).

93

John. I’d rather have a pint.

Barbara. Philistine!!

John. Yes, but I’m your Philistine.

Barbara. Yes you are, so do as you’re told and drink the champagne.

John. (Feigning subservience). Certainly oh mighty one.

(They all laugh).

Barbara. (Directed at the band). What on earth are they playing?

Come on liven things up a bit can’t you.

Bandleader. Certainly Madam, what do you fancy?

Barbara. Well not that dire stuff you’ve been playing, come on let’s

Rip it Up.

(The band play “Rip it up” and everyone joins in).

Well, it's Saturday night and I just got paid,

Fool about my money, don't try to save,

My heart says go go, have a time,

94

Saturday night and I'm feelin' fine,

I'm gonna rock it up, I'm gonna rip it up,

I'm gonna shake it up, gonna ball it up,

I'm gonna rock it up, and ball tonight.

Got me a date and I won't be late,

Picked her up in my 88,

Dance on down by the union hall,

When the joint starts jumpin' I'll have a ball,

I'm gonna rock it up, ...

'Long about ten I'll be flying high,

Walk on out unto the sky,

But I don't care if I spend my dough,

'Cause tonight I'm gonna be one happy soul,

95

I'm gonna rock it up, ...

I p e

(As they finish they all laugh and start a babble of excited talking.

At the back James appears and Carol sees him and the curtain

closes)

THE END.

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