Soloing Cretinʼs Cavort by Jay JacksonArticle Published on Adventure Eyes (20.10.11)

The last moves, seventy foot above rough ground and boulders, the crux; not particularly technical or even difficult, just ever so slightly "fall offable". (No, don't think about it, you're just on the walk-in, who says you're even going to try it today anyway). The slog up the path blurred with familiarity is quicker today; no heavy rucksack, chattering group or partner. (The crux; right at the very, very top, the very last move, the only bit you could come off and it may be just high enough for you to realise whatʼs happened before...Stop it, stop thinking about it, you can just climb something else). The car park was quiet, not many tourists midweek, a few cars only.

Here already, hereʼs the crag. Thought I had more time than that, more time to prepare. More time to convince myself not to do it. The crag is busy, several people already established on routes, but none on mine (damn, that would have been a good excuse). Feeling naked with just climbing shoes and chalkbag, surrounded by fully clad climbers slowly and surely (and securely; the word briefly flares in my mind) clinking their way upwards. Courteous nods and mumbled greetings, I see the cautious glances, feel the unbidden thoughts “Oh bollocks, heʼs bloody soloing. This is my afternoon, my experience, my bloody climb and now I have to worry about this joker falling.”

Sorry folks, Iʼm going to do it anyway. Iʼve always been going to do it. If I could have talked myself out of it I wouldnʼt have come; I knew Iʼd solo it the first time I climbed it, the second and third times just confirmed it. So here I am; Iʼve come prepared. Nothing to help me, no harness for ease of rescue if I do get stuck, no sling and skyhook for a rest in desperate need, no going back and not even the slightest suggestion that I may not do it. I cannot afford for the hint of doubt to creep in, I wonʼt be able to even step on if Iʼm weighed down by the “what ifʼs” and “just in caseʼs”.

Soloing Cretinʼs Cavort; Jay Jackson; Adventure Eyes 2011

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Shoes are on (when did that happen, I wasnʼt paying any attention), trainers clipped to the chalkbag, an awkward and off-putting weight so different to a loaded harness. Iʼm at the bottom of the route, away from the others; they canʼt see me tucked around the corner. I breathe easier, scramble up the beginning gully, a glance around the arête shows a belayer searching in my direction, wondering where Iʼve got to. A quick smile and nod, all confidence now; chalk up and get climbing before it leaves you.

Iʼve begun. (What? That happened more quickly than putting my shoes on, whatʼs my body doing sneaking me away and climbing before my mind has decided!). Committing first move, one I donʼt think I can reverse; a tricky sidepull and high step to reach slopey crimps above, a quick change of position, feel the centre of mass flowing as your feet move under you. Reach up to good holds, move up. Feet, feet, feet, itʼs all about the feet. This is the bit thatʼs hard to lead, these tiny spaced holds, the flat edges for feet, every part of you saying “Get close in, stay tight to the wall”. But you canʼt; you are leaving your last runner further and further behind, so you stand spread eagled and tense, trying to release the gear from where it is jammed between your body and the rock. Finally you get it, and one handed you fiddle some wires and a cam in. Clip and breathe, and climb again, those poor slopers below make excellent foot holds. Freed from the gear and the rope all this passes in a flash, the ease of unrestrained movement buoys me up and carries me over it and on...

Stop.

The good holds fade, replaced with a slopey break. An odd notch at face height brings memories of the gear that fits there; an old style MOAC that nine times out of ten doesnʼt fit anywhere, but on that tenth time is just perfect. The exact nut; the perfect placement; “the” placement of the route that protects those last few questionable moves; the placement that is meaningless now without rope or harness. Away around the corner I hear another climber ironically calling “safe”, telling his partner he is securely attached to the rock. The flow from moments before is gone, my mind has taken control again and is thinking all sorts of unhelpful things (Oh no, itʼs the crux, itʼs that move I was worrying about, itʼs this that I just wasnʼt so sure about, how did I do it again? Was there a sequence?). In panic I search vainly above, desperately looking for the holds that will unlock this puzzle. I have no memory of it; as if I am climbing it again for the very first time, but this time there is no excitement of solving the problem, Iʼm scared and suddenly aware of the space beneath me.

My mind wanders and I try to comprehend what falling and the impact would actually feel like. Optimistic thoughts of rescue, quickly followed by the idea that I could turn and dive, at least make it my choice, rather than be pulled down by gravity and bounce and scrape, grasping futilely at the holds I floated up on so effortlessly earlier. Accusations ring in my

Soloing Cretinʼs Cavort; Jay Jackson; Adventure Eyes 2011

2© Adventure Eyes 2011

ears; “you knew the crux was at the top”, “what did you expect when you solo?”, “bloody soloist ruining my day at the crag” and yet...and yet there is something else, “this climb is for me and just for me. Not for otherʼs praise or scorn, not to brag about or hide, I will be neither proud or ashamed; I chose this, I want this, I can do this.” (How long have I been here?).

My mental wanderings are over as suddenly as they came, I hear the call from the climbers around the corner, “Off belay mate”. Only seconds have passed, yet I feel as if I have stood in balance for an age. The holds above are suddenly apparent. As I work my feet higher and stretch out a hand for them the flow comes back with a rush. Twisting in so I can pull sideways on the hold I bring my feet higher and out to the side, a slow and gentle shifting of my weight and the next hold is under my hand. Fingertips gripping the granite and feet perfectly glued to mere ripples on the rock, the upwards movement is immediate and then, only then, in those last few moves that I had worried about and that had so nearly stopped me only moments before, the balance of concentration and physicality is perfect. Not rationalising my way up, nor simply climbing on automatic, but a combination of the two. This climb was for me and me alone.

Easy moves lead off to join another route that will take me to the top of the crag. I stand on a sloping ledge a hundred feet up, left hand resting on a hold, right hand swinging free as I wait for the pair next to me to pass so I can continue to the top without climbing over their ropes. Already my mind has turned to the next route; all focus and certainty and desire.

Article Author: Jay JacksonCompilation: Louise AnsellPhotos: Kate Ryley

Soloing Cretinʼs Cavort; Jay Jackson; Adventure Eyes 2011

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Meet the Author - Adventure Eyes Member Jay Jackson

A self-taught climber and mountaineer, my life has revolved around climbing from an early age. Experimenting on rock and indoor walls, on building sites and trees; the experiences all building a knowledge base that has seen me through many difficult and serious situations, miles of vertical terrain, and countless perfect days, yet it is constantly being added to with every moment of climbing and of reflection. My own trial and error journey through climbing has led me into many tricky situations, but generally led me out of them too. As an instructor I have always tried to guide others through a similar journey of self-led discovery.

I have climbed all over the UK and Europe, in the mountains of the Alps and trekked in the Himalaya. I work as a Residential Tutor and Outdoor Education Instructor for a boarding school in Plymouth. I aim to become a mountain guide and I am currently planning my MIA assessment for the near future. 

More about the Climb

Cretin's Cavort is a route on the left hand end of the Devil's Rock at the Dewerstone in Devon. It is graded HVS (5a) and at a height of 60 foot (18.3 metres) it is certainly not to be considered as a 'quick flash', boulder problem! Further details about this route and others at the Dewerstone can be found in the comprehensive 'South Devon and Dartmoor Climber's Guide' published by Cordee. You can also find out more information about Climbing in Devon on the Adventure Search pages on the Main Site (flash required). If you're in Devon and fancy developing your climbing skills or want to get some indoor training in, check out the Barn Climbing Centre - a good venue and one of our featured climbing providers.

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Soloing Cretinʼs Cavort; Jay Jackson; Adventure Eyes 2011

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