Some Days in the Life

1

SOME DAYS IN THE LIFE

- an experiment in twitter fiction

byCaroline, Hardman, Rosie Collyer, Beverley Sharpe, Julia Williams, Miriam

Morrell Perez, Virginia Moffatt, Anne Booth, Daine Salmon

Story Coordinator & Editor - Virginia Moffatt

2

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION 2

PROLOGUE - Thursday November 29th 2012 6

PART 1 - Friday November 30th 2012

CHAPTER 1 - 8am onwards 6

CHAPTER 2 - 6.30pm onwards 10

CHAPTER 3 - 9pm onwards 12

PART 2 - Saturday December 1st 2012





PART 3 - Sunday December 2nd 2012




EPILOGUE - 8.30pm 46

3

INTRODUCTION

The following story was told on twitter in real time over the weekend 30th November to 2nd December 2012, through the collaboration of fictional and real life participants.

The characters can all be found on twitter as:

@The_Derby_Diva (Virginia Moffatt @VirginiaMoffatt)@FitnessDee (Caroline Hardman @73caroline)@Rosiecoll (Rosie Collyer - herself)@BigBgnome (Beverley Sharpe - herself)@JackDee18 (Julia Williams @JCCWilliams)@AllstarCrowley (Daine Salmon @sayer)@gabriellebrenam (Miriam Morell Perez @miriammorell)@Bridgeanne (Anne Booth - herself)@granny_may65 (Julia Williams)

The difficulty in representing a story told on twitter is that twitter records the most recent tweet. This means you have to read the story backwards or go right to the bottom and read up. When there are multiple participants as in this case, it can be a bit confusing to follow. To help with this during the weekend, Caroline Hardman kindly set up a twitter list #twiction12 https://twitter.com/73caroline/twiction12 . The list is still live so you can have a look if you're interested to see the story as it happened. But please note it is still capturing tweets from the real life participants so you have to scroll a long way back!

Caroline did try storify, but by that time there were so many tweets on so many timelines we couldn't capture them all. So the solution I have come up with is to organise the tweets more or less in the order they were posted and create a more traditional story. On occasion I have slightly re-ordered the flow of tweets to make more narrative sense, but this is pretty much the story as it happened. I have made other editorial decisions such as correcting glariing grammar errors or typos. However, I have deliberately left many in because that some seem in the nature of the character and it reflects a feature of rapid tweeting that grammar rules sometimes go out of the window!

The story was planned around specific times and so I have organised the tweets into chapters that follow that. Some conversations did last a bit longer than these specific times, but it is impossible after twenty four hours to find out exactly the time they were posted. For simplicity's sake I have therefore grouped them in the chapter where it makes most sense. Some of the chapters are very long, so I have periodically inserted the time that these tweets were happening. I hope this isn't too distracting, but it is intended to give the sense of the pace of the conversation.

On occasion, I have edited out some tweets. This was particularly needed during the Sunday party. All the main characters were there and tweeting furiously, sometimes missing each others responses. Whilst this is a real limitation on twitter, it started to

4

make the story feel a little chaotic. I hope thinning them out makes more narrative sense. Though I have left some moments of twitter confusion there and at other times, as again, that is true to the medium. We often answer the most recent tweet and miss the most significant at first.

The idea for Twiction12 came from a story I wrote in tweets that involved one character talking to her twitter followers whilst something serious in her life unfolded. The story "Following the Real Miss Piggy" was published by Blank Media in a pamphlet to accompany their Inside exhibition. At the time of publication, I wondered if it would give more life to such a story if I involved other people, and let it take place over twitter. When I saw the first ever Twitter Fiction Festival was being launched at the end of November 2012 I decided it was too good an opportunity to miss. I submitted a proposal, set up a blog and advertised the project on twitter. It attracted a lot of interest from writers, including several who were unable to take part in the end. And though we weren't selected for the Festival, those who joined in were keen to go ahead anyway.

I gave participants the kernel of the (a relationship between mother - The Diva - and her son - Jack that was becoming increasingly strained). I invited them to create their own character and decide how they wanted to interact with mine. I also suggested that we start tweeting as soon as we were ready so when the story proper started, the characters already had a history with each other. The back story developed quickly. Caroline Hardman began tweeting as Dee, the exhaustingly cheerful fitness instructor trying to coach her friend into better health. My twin sister took the part of the soon to be 18, Jack, truculently tweeting about the vagaries of his mother, whilst she, unawares, moaned to the world about his terrible girlfriend Courtney. To my delight, two real life readers Rosie Collyer and Beverley Sharpe, who actually live in Derby, created all sorts of mayhem with Jack in the day time whilst I was at work. Miriam Morrell Perez joined in as Gabrielle Brenam, the kind of girl the Diva really wanted as a son's girlfriend. Anne Booth interjected occasionally as herself and Dwaine Salmon tweeted from the US as Allstar Crowley a mate of Jack's. It was all a lot of fun, but I must admit that my particular highlight was tweeting to a radio show looking for stories about relative's rudeness and getting an answer back asking me to submit! A nice interplay between fiction and reality...You can read summaries of these conversations on the blog http://twiction12.blogspot.co.uk/ which give the flavour of the run up to the actual event.

When the weekend finally arrived, I was a bit nervous. I had no idea how it would work, whether the story I'd sketched out would actually hang together, whether the timings would be right. I'd given brief details to Julia about some of the key events, and asked Caroline to make one specific response to the action on Saturday night, but all everyone else knew was to turn up and join in. I needn't have worried, as every participant threw themselves into the story with enthusiasm. There were teasing cougars, drunken arguments, a scary Ex stalking Jack in the background, and much to my surprise, an unexpected character Granny May suddenly appearing on Sunday. (She was brilliantly written by my Julia, my twin, and an fabulous addition to the cast). One unexpected feature of the experience was that several of us discovered our fictional selves rather taking over. In an excellent blog post (http://www.sowhodoesthat.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/twiction12_11.html) Caroline admitted that as Dee, she felt quite hurt that the Diva refused to speak to her on

5

Sunday following Saturday's shenanigans. I, in turn, as the Diva, was infuriated by Granny May's strictures about the Jack/Courtney relationship and my poor parenting! Whilst Julia emailed me at the end, rather cross about the portrayal of Courtney. Having played Jack for so long, she felt we were all rather mean about the poor girl.So all, in all, it was probably a good thing, the story only lasted for the weekend

Whilst all the participants enjoyed the experience enormously, it was a bit difficult at the time to get a sense of whether others were reading. Twitter moves so fast and there is so much going on, I'm not quite sure if followers can sustain quite so much action over such a long period. There was also a lot of wonderful stuff going on at the Twitter Fiction Festival, and so possibly we may have lost some interest there. (Though the lovely Festival people did kindly give us a shout)

However, having had the chance over the last month to organise and re-read through the material, I do believe we have created a real story, which I hope reflects something about the impact of social media on modern lifeand family relationships.

I'd like to finish by thanking all the participants of twiction 12, most of whom I haven't met, for taking part in a fun and interesting project. It was an absolute blast and I couldn't have done it without them. I'm sure they'll all join with me in hoping that you enjoy the finish result. And if you do, please do contact us via twitter, or leave comment below...

Happy Reading!

Virginia Moffatt Oxford Jan 2013

6

PROLOGUE - THURSDAY 29th NOVEMBER 11pm

@The_Derby_Diva: This is one of my gifts for Lazy Boy - Real Ale pic.twitter.com/JqGUks8O Hope he likes it!

@The_Derby_Diva: Also bought my boy a @DanniiMinogue Project D watch & this to keep the noise down http://www.virtualdrumming.com/drums/windows/drums-free-drumming.html …

PART 1- FRIDAY 30th NOVEMBER

CHAPTER 1 - 8am onwards

@The_Derby_Diva: Happy Birthday to my Lovely Boy Jack!!! 18 today...a REAL grown up. Can't believe it. #wheredidthetimego?

@The_Derby_Diva: I crept into his room at 6 to watch him sleep. His face is still so smooth and young, reminded me of the baby 18 years ago. #soppyoldme

@The_Derby_Diva: Now I'm cooking him a nice birthday fry up and giving him his presents...

@FitnessDee: Wow, is that today already? Happy birthday to him! Hope he likes all of those presents… #luckyboy<

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee I know I can't believe it! I know I moan but I love him really #luckymum

@FitnessDee: poached eggs, I hope! Much healthier…and taste just as good :-)

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee It's not food if it's not piled in grease!

@FitnessDee: Ha! Not sure I'd fancy grease-covered porridge……but I suppose as it's a special day…

8.15am

@The_Derby_Diva: Aw - would love to spend a bit more time with my Baby Boy. He was a bit grumpy at first but unwrapping prezzies was like when he was little!

@The_Derby_Diva: Left him sorting out his virtual drumming kit so hopefully Next Door Betty won't ever be disturbed again #crossedfingers. Gotta shower now

8.30am

@RosieColl: @The_Derby_Diva You doing anything for son's birthday? Heard you say he's 18. Love to join you both

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll Taking him for his first legal drink tonight. Meeting at the Dolphin so maybe you @FitnessDee and @BigBgnome want to come?

7

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome ooh, yes - count me in! My last class finishes at 8 tonight, so can come down after that?

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @FitnessDee @BigBgnome Aw thanks! Looking forward to it already!!

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome @FitnessDee He's bringing The Slag so I may need some moral support. Am hoping Hot Bloke will be there again :-)

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome @FitnessDee We'll be at the Dolphin from 6.30 (wanted to get off at 5 but work rang to say they need me to work late!)

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee @Rosiecoll @The_Derby_Diva mmm - describe hubby. Wonder if I know him

@FitnessDee: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll @The_Derby_Diva Tall, a bit chunky (don't tell him I said that!), and very lovely. He's a mechanic - works at the garage on Daniels St.

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee definitely sounds familiar. Mechanic you say. Tall .....

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee what did you say his name was?

@FitnessDee:@BigBgnome It's Dave Fletcher. Ring any bells? He's already gone to work (and I'm off too in a minute) but I'll ask if he knows you later...

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee oh no no no - don't mention me. No. Not at all :-O Do know a couple of Daves... maybe see you later...

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee PS: you don't have a son who's nickname is Dosey do you?

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome No silly.. That was the other one.. You know.. Went to South Africa in the end.. Not sure why!! Gulps!!

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Hot Bloke???

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Keep up! On Wednesday when I was waiting for Rosie. Smoking!

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Very nice! I'm definitely coming now. Mind if I drag hubby along too?

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome See you there!

@The_Derby_Diva: Right given my baby a birthday hug and now it's time to sell some knickers... Later #tweeps

8

9am

@JackDee18: Finally an adult. Even the Old Woman seems to think so.

@JackDee18: Think she's more excited about me turning 18 then I am.

@JackDee18: Hoping we can get through this drink later without a row.

@JackDee18: Oh crap. Just realised the OW has invited the cougars from hell to my birthday drink. #canirunawayfrommyownpartyplease

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Happy 18th birthday Jack! So much to look forward to. Have a great day! What have you got planned?

@JackDee18 @RosiecollThanks Rosie. Not a lot. Chillout day. Are you really coming down the Dolphin tonight???

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Yes think I might ....you don't mind do you ?

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll So long as you keep @BigBgnome away from me. Courtney's going to be there. She gets jealous.

@BigBgnome:@JackDee18 @Rosiecoll excuse me!!! R keep ME away from you. Think you've got your wires crossed mate if you're worried about ME

@JackDee18: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll Well you're the scary cougar lady lol

@BigBgnome @JackDee18 @Rosiecoll I'm the kind soul who was trying to make you aware of a certain persons reputation. That's all the thanks I get!

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @JackDee18 Oh Please!! He doesn't believe you!

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome No. I don't.

9.15am

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome You know, we should be ok tonight. Slap loads of make up on Dave Fletcher won't recognise us...Hopefully...

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll good idea. Was thinking of trying to keep out of his way but with loads of slap...hope @FitnessDee hasn't asked him owt

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee Don't let me drink tonight girls... Orange juice for me... Maybe one to end the night:)

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome we'll be there just after 7…I've just swap my last class with one of the other instructors. Looking forward to it!

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee @Rosiecoll see you later. R banned from driving so I will pick her up just before 7 and see you inside. Dave still going?

9

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee Did you have to tell everyone that.. The whole world will know now...

@BigBgnome:@Rosiecoll @FitnessDee soz - never thought. Bet no one saw it. Be ready for 6.30 if you want a lift. Remember - no alcohol

@FitnessDee: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll My lips are sealed, Rosie! See you later. Yes, D coming too - we haven't had a night out together for ages.

9.45am

@AllstarCrowley:Happy Birthday @JackDee18

@BigBgnome: @AllstarCrowley are you going to the Dolphin tonight too? #themorethemerrier

@AllstarCrowley: @BigBgnome not unless you have an extra plane ticket lol

@BigBgnome: @AllstarCrowley have I missed something? Where in the world are you? Somewhere nice for a holiday? #govisitallstarcrowley

@AllstarCrowley: @BigBgnome I'm "across the pond" just started following @JackDee18 on twitter.

@BigBgnome: @AllstarCrowley @JackDee18 not New York? Love NYC. Would be good to have a bolt hole there. Address? Room for visitors? #BAwebsite

@JackDee18: @AllstarCrowleyWatch @BigBgnome she's scary. Be glad you live across the pond. Be very very glad #scarycougars

@BigBgnome: @JackDee18 @AllstarCrowley for the 100th time-I'm not a cougar!Just aware of a certain persons previous liaisons. And trying to warn you.

@AllstarCrowley: @BigBgnome @JackDee18 a certain person?

@BigBgnome: @AllstarCrowley @JackDee18 who shall be nameless (but it begins with an R) ;)

@JackDee18: @BigBgnome @AllstarCrowley God you two!! Aren't you supposed to be mates?

@BigBgnome: @JackDee18 @AllstarCrowley we are - but there always had to be a sensible one (me) to take care of the other (R) who is 'unpredictable'.

@AllstarCrowley: @BigBgnome @JackDee18 that sounds like trouble.

@BigBgnome: @AllstarCrowley @JackDee18 trouble with a capital T if R is involved.

@JackDee18:Thank fuck. Two frees this afternoon. Can spend it with my fave girl.

10

CHAPTER 2 - 6.30pm onwards

@JackDee18: Courtney got a watch same as the Old Woman. Awkward. But at least she gave me one I could wear #whywouldiwantdanniiminoguewatch

@JackDee18: Gave the Dannii watch to C. At least I got some beer. And virtual drumming kit should stop moaning from next door #notbestpresentsever

@JackDee18: Just seen OW tweets from earlier. Fuck she's gone soppy. Wish she wouldn't slag off Courtney. I hate when she does that #doesntunderstandlove

@The_Derby_Diva: God what a day. So many people needing undies including The Slag. She came simpering up with her thongs as if butter wouldn't melt...

@The_Derby_Diva: ...she'd better be keeping them just for my boy or there'll be trouble!

@The_Derby_Diva: Time to put on my "Happy Face" Just outside the Dolphin and to celebrate with him, got put up with her... #hisday

@The_Derby_Diva: Where is everyone? I'm at the bar...

@The_Derby_Diva: OMG Lazy Boy has just walked in with HER and he's wearing a different watch. SHE's wearing the one I bought him. FUMING.

@The_Derby_Diva: It's his birthday It's his birthday calm down OMG I wish I could

@FitnessDee: OMG! Just leaving now.... 10min away.... STAY CALM!

@The_Derby_Diva: Taking DEEP breaths. And the G&T helps... I've bought them a drink and am trying to stay civil.

7pm

@The_Derby_Diva: Slag now telling me where her lady parts have piercing &her preferred sexual positions #thingsamotherdoesnotneedtoknow Where are my girls?

@Bridgeanne: Good Grief! My friend @VirginiaMoffatt recommended following you this weekend - I think my eyes will be opened!

@The_Derby_Diva: @Bridgeanne @VirginiaMoffatt You wouldn't BELIEVE what she's telling me now about the parties she went to when she was 15...

@The_Derby_Diva: Things are LOOKING UP Hot Bloke's just walked in. Let me see if I can catch his eye. #anythingtogetawayfromherdrivel

11

7.15pm

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva ooh..... He IS hot! (tweeting from the loos...didn't want to say it in front of hubby!)

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll perhaps we should maybe just nip in for one drink to say hello or do you think@The_Derby_Diva and @FitnessDee won't miss us?

@The_Derby_Diva: I've got to get out of here. Chatting to Hot Bloke in the bar when Slag walks past. The way they looked at each other..I FEEL SICK

@Rosiecoll: Don't, we're here.. Great to see you all.. Where's the birthday boy then!!

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll Sorry I couldn't stay. The thought of Hot Bloke and the Slag together...After what she's been telling me...yeeuch

@Rosiecoll: Sorry I don't understand... Not your hot bloke??

@The_Derby_Diva: At least there's SOMETHING to look forward to tonight RT @imacelebrity Lights, camera and a whole lotta action! # semifinal # imacelebrity

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome oh lets go somewhere a bit better... The Dolphin was always a dump!!

@The_Derby_Diva: @RosiecollYou could just tell they had history. Couldn't bear to be in same room. Sorry about tonight it's been hideous & you were late

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome @FitnessDee Sorry about tonight, Rosie will explain. You can come to the party on Sunday? At the community centre?

7.30pm

@The_Derby_Diva: Heading home for #imaceleb Rotten evening.

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva well we're out now so if you change your mind.. Where's @FitnessDee anyway?

@JackDee18: Crap night. Can't even get through a birthday drink with OW without having a row. But she will go on about Courtney #whatisherproblem?

@JackDee18: FFS Just seen her twitter feed. She thinks Courtney shagged that old guy? #whatplanetissheon?

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Think they thrive on drama! Come on lets go:)

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll you're right. Lets go. Didn't even see Jack to give him his present. Fancy an Indian?

12

@Gabriellebrenam: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome What time on Sunday? :-)

@JackDee18: I didn't want to go out with a whole load of old women. Soz @Rosiecoll & @BigBgnome but it IS my 18th. We're off clubbing. #gonnabealateone

CHAPTER 3 - 9 pm onwards

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome well we're having a good night. I know I told you to put plenty slap on but think you verging on a slapper:)

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll shut up and eat your naan bread :-)

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Well Jack, hope you having good time in the clubs, it is your bday after all. But we were looking forward to seeing you...

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome You know, think meeting @FitnessDee and @The_Derby_Diva recently has been just the tonic. After THAT little incident..lost my mojo...

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome...things looking up now...Just need to keep off the drink

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee @The_Derby_Diva mojo or mojito? Are you getting confused again?

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee @The_Derby_Diva You're right I meant mojito.. Mojo never returning:)

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll Soz about that. Didn't work out as planned. You down the Tandoori then?

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 we're having brill time Even doing cocktails here now.. Never seen that before. Starting to get bit attention. Mojito time!

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Good job we didn't see the others tonight. Much more fun with these mojitas.. Now come on.. Why did you call Dave, Big Dave?

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll that's between me and Big Dave. I promised never to reveal his disturbing secret. Think you've had enough to drink. Home.

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Oh no, I'm just getting in the mood! Mind think those mojitos have made me slightly tipsy!

9.30pm

@The_Derby_Diva: Think I want Charlie to win in the jungle...still can't believe what they did to her the other day #imaceleb

13

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll You guys just leaving? Sorry about earlier. #freakedout

@The_Derby_Diva: @gabriellebrenam @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome @FitnessDee See you Sun 12ish DM me & I'll give you the address. I PROMISE it won't be like tonight

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Thinking of Big Dave...Must admit that time we went to Brighton he did look good in speedos.. Wonder if they still fit him?

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll are you thinking of those snazzy blue budgie smugglers? Happy days! Nothing to do with his nickname tho'!

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome now YOU'VE been drinking.. Aren't budgie smugglers yellow... Supose you do get blue budgies...

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Think you HAD better take me home.. Those two Harry Judd lookalikes over there are looking appealing!!

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll I'm driving-course I've not been drinking. Budgie smugglers can be any colour-it's all about the package-phwoar :) Home time

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome What are you like???

9.45pm

@The_Derby_Diva Who's that at the door now???

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Ok, are we going round Sunday?

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll Have to see if I can sort something out. Busy busy busy. May be double booked. You could always get a taxi and go without me?

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome Wrecked:)))))x

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll We're on tequila slammers. #partytime

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Oh yes yes.. Forgot to have those! @Big_Bgnome We can't go yet Tequila slammers time!

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll don't you dare. Get in the car NOW!

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll don't you dare throw up in my car. You know I hate it :((( Right - hold onto this bag just in case. #whydoyoualwaysdothis

10pm

@The_Derby_Diva: Can this evening GET ANY WORSE? That was the Slag's Ex... Seriously seriously scary guy. Had to get the

14

@The_Derby_Diva: Start again...I'm shaking. I had to threaten to call the police to get him out of here. Said he and The Slag are still at it...

@The_Derby_Diva: ...I wouldn't put it past her...

@The_Derby_Diva: RT @OWNTV#WeekendAssignment: Remind yourself that it's never too late. Do it. Learn it. Live it.

@The_Derby_Diva: Oh thanks for that wisdom Oprah...needed that.

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll You girls all right?

@The_Derby_Diva: I'm still shaking from encounter with Slag's ex - think he really has it in for my boy...

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva yes ta. Managed to get @Rosiecoll in the car. Will take her back to mine to keep any eye on her. You take care.

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome No

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll shut up and hold the sick bag. Be careful! Oh god ...

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll Too much information girls, but thanks for the laugh.

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome It's not funny!!

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll no it isn't. Somebody now has to clean the car. Inside and out :(( #wontbeher #comatose

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll I guess not, but after the night I've had...

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll oh I know - crappy night all round. Should just manage to catch end of sleb. Wonder who's going .... David!

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome Ay! I've had the best night ever.. Thought you had too.. Great laugh

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll It had better be. I want Charlie to win...

10.30pm

@JackDee18: So many tequila slammers. Can there be that many tequila slammers in the world? With my girl. It's my birthday #loveeveryoneevenmymum

@JackDee18: Texted the OW to tell her i love her. Cos I do. I know she tries.

15

@JackDee18: Wish she didn't hate Courtney #whycantwomeninmylifegetalong #complicated

@JackDee18: Ha. Need @Rosiecoll & @BigBgnome nos nos. Drunk texting. too much fun

@JackDee18: #Need to pay those cougars back for winding me up #cougars #amdrunk #texting

@JackDee18: Think I'm fissed as a part

10.45pm

@The_Derby_Diva: It's not good I can't concentrate on # imaceleb ... gotta phone Lazy Boy to see if he's safe

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 oh god... I know the feeling

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll Shut up and get back in the bathroom

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Tequila, tequila where are you

@Rosiecoll: Jack, Jack... I think I love you:))))xxxxxx

11pm

@The_Derby_Diva: So I'm a nagging frustrated old woman who believes the worst of everyone am I? #whydoibother

@JackDee18: Fuck it. Hate people interfering. It's my life. Courtney would never do that to me. I'm an adult now. #itsmylife

@The_Derby_Diva: You know what...Lazy Boy is right. He's 18 now. He's a grown up. He can make his own decisions. I'll leave him alone from now on

@JackDee18: Was going home. Won't now. Where's my next tequila slammer?

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Don't ..... they make your head hurt.. Trust me!

@The_Derby_Diva: Oh my... I take it all back he's just texted to say he loves me. #mademynight

@The_Derby_Diva Just texted my boy I LOVE HIM TOO. And now to bed

11.15pm

@JackDee18: Fuck. It's my birthday. The Old Woman just texted me to say sorry. #maybewillgohomeafterall

16

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll The night's still young... But maybe you're right. Have had enough. With my girl and everything gr8 Even forgiven OW

@JackDee18: Did I tell anyone I'm 18? FUCK YEAH

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Aw! Jack, the perfect end to the day. Your mum is so important, you only have one, lovely if you can enjoy the wend

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva God, just catching up with this! We saw J+C leave for the club, and wondered where you'd gone- assumed you were with HB...

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva anyway...hope all ok now. Call me tomorrow?

11.30pm

@JackDee18 Why am I standing in middle of a night club with my trousers round my ankles?

@JackDee18: Feel Sick

@Jack Dee 18: Shit. Soz babe. Shit. Love you.

17

PART 2 - Saturday 1st December 2012


@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome please... Don't bother me today...no one will be hearing from me. I'm dead!!...Completely

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll I have no sympathy. You've only yourself to blame - again! #shouldknowbetter #neverlearns #aaherewecome

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll PS - when can I have my spare room back and when are you going to clear all this 'mess' up? #sickeverywhere #ugh

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Shut up! Its Not that bad!#messnothead #headreallybad

@The_Derby_Diva: Feeling like death warmed up. Slag's horrible Ex was round again at 5am banging on the door screaming for them. Had to call police...

@The_Derby_Diva: ...went to check on Lazy Boy but his bed was empty. The Ex heard the sound of the sirens and scarpered so I called LB to warn him...

@The_Derby_Diva ...he wasn't happy. "I'm 18, I'm a grown up, I can take care of myself" yada yada yada. I know it was early in the morning but I was worried.

@The_Derby_Diva 18 years ago I was checking my baby through the night to see if he was breathing...now I'm worrying about the Ex. Does it ever stop?

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Just caught last night's tweets. It was quite a night...and he came back too. Am I silly to be worrying?

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Not silly at all…..I'd worry too, I think. But am sure he'll be fine. Can't understand his taste in girlfriends though.

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee me neither. Thanks babex

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Yeuch too much information (again) girls!

8.30am

@The_Derby_Diva:That's enough worrying. I have a party to organise. Got to get down to the community centre for 10 to start decorating. Anyone want to help?

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva would love to help but - soz - too much clearing up to do here. And I haven't even looked at the car yet :(((

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva how can I run the vicar to church in the morning in a car that stinks of booze and ....... #ugh

18

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome fair enough! Hope you sort it out

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva do hope you get it all sorted though and looking nice for the party #communitycentre

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva I'm at work now (guessing I won't see you - or the others! - at pilates) but can pop down for an hour or so round 11.30ish?

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Nope no time hon. That would be lovely if you could. Loads of balloons to blow up!

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva see you then. (Lucky it's pilates and not step this morning, so will have plenty of breath left for balloons!)

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Will need it! Hope class goes well. See you later.

8.45am

@JackDee18 The room is spinning...

@JackDee18 Why have I got a bucket and towel by the bed?

@JackDee18 Oh...

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Sleep Jack sleep. Trust me the only thing to do today!! Oh and aim for the bucket.. Apparently I keep missing

@The_Derby_Diva After yesterday's drama could do with a quiet night in tonight #strictly #xfactor #imaceleb #SaturdayTVheaven

@The_Derby_Diva Ooh @EmmaBunton has reminded me I can open the Advent calendar and get a bit of chocolate #thingslookingupalready

@The_Derby_Diva Gotta run. There's a community centre in town that won't decorate itself. #itneverstops

@GabrielleBrenam: @The_Derby_Diva I'm coming right now.

CHAPTER 5 - 2pm onwards

@The_Derby_Diva: Phew! That's all done then...thanks @FitnessDee and @gabriellebrenam for all your help. Couldn't have done it without you...

@GabrielleBrenam: @The_Derby_Diva @FitnessDee you are welcome! Amazing job, the centre looks very nice

19

@The_Derby_Diva: Doesn't it? http://www.amarhall.com/images/Amar-Disco-WEB.jpg … Hope Lazy Boy likes it

@GabrielleBrenam: @The_Derby_Diva I'm sure he will enjoy it.

@The_Derby_Diva: @GabrielleBrenam He'd better...You wouldn't BELIEVE the amount of overtime I've had to put in to fund this birthday...

@The_Derby_Diva: @GabrielleBrenam You're so lovely...why can't Lazy Boy choose a girl like you?

@The_Derby_Diva: Oh sod it. Gossiping Gloria just got on the bus. #pleasedontletherseeme #pleasedontletherseeme #pleasedontletherseeme. Bugger she's seen me.

@GabrielleBrenam: @The_Derby_Diva sons always do the opposite of their mother's wishes! #naturesrule

2.30pm

@The_Derby_Diva: Phew! Back home. Wish I hadn't met Gloria. Could have done without her news... #cupofteatheonlyanswer

@The_Derby_Diva: So according to Gloria, not only is The Slag seeing the Ex but she's got a fella in Chesterfield as well. #wheredoesshefindthetime

@The_Derby_Diva: If that's not bad enough, apparently it's all over Derby that the Ex is out to get my boy. Why not HER I ask? It's all her fault isn't it?

@The_Derby_Diva: Am getting a bit worried though...Haven't heard from Lazy Boy in HOURS. He's not picking up his phone or answering texts.That Ex is vicious.

@The_Derby_Diva: Think I'm gonna try and get him one more time...

@The_Derby_Diva: @GabrielleBrenam Too true. Just hung up on me. I was only trying to warn him.

@The_Derby_Diva: He just DOESN'T get it... I am only looking out for him. If it wasn't for Darren the other week he & the Ex could have both been in hospital

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Where ARE you?!!! Think I need one of your relaxation exercises before I hyperventilate!

@The_Derby_Diva: You know what? Life feels a bit to real for me right now...Think I need a lie down #sleeptheonlysolution

3pm

@JackDee18: Old Woman still on my case about Courtney's Ex. I know he's a psycho, but I don't really think he's after me #derbyrumourmill

20

@JackDee18: she rang me at 5 AM to tell me 5AM!!! I was awake.My head was in a bucket. just her being drama queen as usual. I KNOW C wouldn't cheat

@JackDee18: So I hung up just now. Don't want to go home but need clean clothes. Can't wear Courtney's #thatwouldbeweird

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Oh God, has something else happened? And after all your work on the hall earlier? Pilates at 4 if you can make it…

@FitnessDee: ... Otherwise, take lots of deep breaths. And peppermint tea always works for me…

@JackDee18: Courtney says Ex full of shit. No need to worry. It was only a bit of banter with me & Darren the other week. OW needs to take chill pill

@JackDee18: Can't believe my head still thumping. Need hair of the dog.

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Woah!! How did l miss yr text last night? .. Groan... Back in bed..before you ask No, going nowhere

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll Don't remember sending it!!! lol

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll Just woken up. Still have headache. Ouch

@JackDee18: Things I have learnt now I am 18.

@JackDee18: 1 There is no such thing as too many tequila slammers

@JackDee18: 2 cougars are to be avoided at all costs

@JackDee18: 3 Don't go drinking with your mum it's lame

@JackDee18: 4 There is no such thing as having too many tequilas

@JackDee18: 5 Love is your babe not minding when you throw up on her jimmy choos

@JackDee18: 6 Mums worry too much

@JackDee18: 7 Love is your babe cleaning up after you're sick on her bed

@JackDee18: 8 It's my life and I'll do what I want

@JackDee18: 9 Avoid the cougars at all costs

@JackDee18: 10 Maybe you can have too many tequilas

@FitnessDee: @Gabriellebrenam Lovely to meet you earlier! Don't the decorations look great?

21

@Gabriellebrenam: @FitnessDee Yep. Can't wait for the party!

@FitnessDee: Popped home for late lunch with my Dave. He's been very quiet since last night. Not sure why; I only teased him a tiny bit about tight jeans

@JackDee18: Think I need to lie down again

@Gabriellebrenam: Can't believe next year I'll start my medical degree at Oxford!! #excited

@FitnessDee: He's not normally so sensitive. And it's not even as if he's the one who used to wear them, according to @Rosiecoll and @BigBgnome!

@FitnessDee: At least, I think that's what they said. Maybe I should read those tweets again...

@FitnessDee: @GabrielleBrenam I'm just hoping it all runs smoothly…for the Diva's sake! After last night, anything could happen…

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 sympathies!! Me too!!

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll Gonna get hair of dog. need burgers first.

@Rosiecoll: @FitnessDee Hi Dee...Sorry we didn't bump into you last night..Where were you? Did Dave take you out somewhere? We went to the Indian.

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Jack, Jack you would have learnt so much more if you'd bumped into us... Wouldn't he @BigBgnome?

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll @JackDee18 if you say so. You're awake then. #notawordofapology #housewifesknee

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18??

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll We stayed on at the Dolphin... Just been looking at your timeline. Sounds like you had quite a night!

@JackDee18: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll I'm glad I didn't. Last night a bit mental. #youronlyeighteenonce

@JackDee18: Better get my arse in gear. Get showered. go home. C gone christmas shopping. Meeting her later. Texted the OW. #bestgetitover

3.30pm

@FitnessDee: I still don't quite understand Twitter. Didn't know you could read anyone's tweets, no matter WHO they've sent them to #wishihadntfoundout

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee oh dear ... :(

22

@Rosiecoll: @FitnessDee Did we? Just getting up! Heads sore . Hoping @BigBgnome cooking tea for me:)

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome We're dead! ...And I so wanted some new friends!!

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll can you manage some toast? I see @FitnessDee has read something - don't think it's to do with us so keep schtum

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Oh thats ok then... Somethings bothering her though...

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll and by the way - what's the matter with the friends you've got already? #me #mug

@JackDee18: Home to face the music, and the Old Woman is in bed? #igiveup


@The_Derby_Diva: God is that the time? Loud drumming coming from next door. When WILL Lazy Boy learn to be considerate? #thoughthewassupposedtobegrownup

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee @BigBgnome Have you been in bed ALL day Rosie? You must have been bad!

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee @BigBgnome Mind you so must Lazy Boy. I don't think he got up much before 3!

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee @BigBgnome And speaking of Lazy Boy...that drumming is driving me crazy. Excuse me while I give him a bollocking

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Hope you're feeling better after some rest! Not more drumming though…maybe he'll go out again this evening??

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva @FitnessDee @Rosiecoll she certainly has. In my spare room at that! No consideration. Only got up for tea and toast.

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @FitnessDee @BigBgnome Well think the mess has been glorified a bit... But my heads throbbing.

@FitnessDee: It's not lying if you just, you know, don't tell somebody something. is it? Especially if it would just make things worse for them?

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee you know what they say - discretion is the better part of valour

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnomeI'm not surprised! :-) Try ginger tea and a banana…great natural hangover cure!

23

@FitnessDee: @BigBgnome Yeah, I think you're probably right... thanks! #hardtoknowhowtobeagoodfriendsometimes

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll @The_Derby_Diva @FitnessDee well of course - but only cos I've cleared all the blerdy mess up!!! #typical

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee @Rosiecoll @The_Derby_Diva if that concoction makes her sick again ... #soundsdisgusting

@Rosiecoll: @FitnessDee @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome Think I'm going to be sick again! .. Thanks for the tip tho... Maybe later

@Rosiecoll: @FitnessDee @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome Oooo, where did that one come from?

5.15pm

@The_Derby_Diva: Why is being a Mum so BLOODY hard...I'm always on his case, I should be kinder to The Slag, what's wrong with loud drumming? #neverends

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll wonder what it is @FitnessDee fretting over? You would tell me if it was something you thought I should know? #nosecrets

@The_Derby_Diva: I really am only trying to help, but he says he's a big boy now and should be free to live his life...

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee @BigBgnome Sounds like you're really suffering

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Give me an hour or so before we have any meaningful discussions!!

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome Didn't mean you should mix them together! Banana full of potassium, ginger settles the stomach...

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @FitnessDee @BigBgnome Yes, feel terrible and the black looks and folding of arms isn't helping

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee @Rosiecoll @The_Derby_Diva they were certainly mixed together when they 'reappeared' TMI.

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Sorry missed this went to sleep and feel a lot better (apart from row with LB ) It was Gloria said the Slag's Ex is after him...

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee ...he says it's all a load of rubbish, but you know what happened the other week and the Bloke is HUGE and nasty...

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Maybe he's better staying in tonight then...? I can send Dave around if you want another bloke in the house?

24

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Was that meant for me hon? That's kind but don't think he's going to come back here...more worried about him finding Jack out.

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee @BigBgnome Lighten up BigBg - it's not as if you haven't done it!

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome ... What do you think @FitnessDee is worrying about? I do hope its nothing to do with her Big Dave...

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva it was - sorry! I suppose you'll never convince Jack to stay in for the night, just in case…

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee He's not done that in YEARS...I can hear him coming out of the shower. Worth a shot I suppose...

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva well, let me know how it goes…

5.30pm

@JackDee18: Am eighteen now. Do not need to be treated like a kid #mylife

@JackDee18: Why the fuck does she listen to Gossiping Gloria? Psycho ex is nutter, but not after me #mumsworrytoomuch

@JackDee18: Told her to butt out of my life. Going out with Courtney #ameighteencandowhatilike

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee @Bridgeanne Didn't think that would work...He's off again. Told me it's HIS life and I shouldn't interfere...

@The_Derby_Diva: I've had it UP TO HERE with Lazy Boy & his antics. If he wants to have his heart broken by the Slag & his nose by the Ex SO BE IT...

@The_Derby_Diva: I've got a nice bottle of Chardonnay, #strictly #Xfactor and #imaceleb and I'm DONE with worrying #nomoredramainmylife

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva @Bridgeanne The suppose it was a long shot. Fingers crossed he'll be fine. Try and enjoy the peace and quiet, anyway…

@The_Derby_Diva: @gabriellebrenam Just noticed your tweet. You're going to Oxford? Aren't you clever? #whyohwhycanthechooseyou ?

@gabriellebrenam: @The_Derby_Diva Yeah It's a dream for me study there

@The_Derby_Diva: Right...I'm running the bath, the bottle is uncorked and NOTHING is going to ruin my evening

25


@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll Don't suppose you fancy popping out to get us a chinese do you? Might as well stay tonight as well.. Don't mind do you?

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome but I'll miss Strictly! Got a takeaway number somewhere - I'll give them a ring and get it delivered. What do you want?

@BigBgnome @Rosiecoll think I'll have 11, 32 & 66 Where's your money?

@Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Oh thanks... Surprise me but not sweet and sour! Still a bit delicate!

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Reminded me still owe @The_Derby_Diva` for my nicks. Was a bit naughty not helping her out this after..

@BigBgnome @Rosiecoll there's the door. It will be the Chinese. Where's your money ...... don't hide underneath the bed - I need your dosh :L

@BigBgnome Liked that :) #dani #scd

@BigBgnome @Rosiecoll They're playing your song #scd

@Rosiecoll @BigBgnome lol

@Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Oh my word Lisa!!!#scd

8.30pm

@JackDee18 In the boozer with my babe #lifeisgood

@JackDee18 How lucky can one guy be?

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva How's your night been? Enjoying some peace and quiet I hope??!

@The_Derby_Diva: That was TERRIBLE Chris should go now #xfactor #nevershouldhavegotridofella

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Lovely thanks. Fire on, fluffy slippers, dressing gown, face pack, X factor, and Chardonnay...Bliss

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Not answering the phone for ANYONE...particularly not Lazy Boy. He's made it clear he can sort out his own problems!

@JackDee18: FUCK...C's Ex walked in. #headsdown

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva don't blame you! Enjoy…

26

@JackDee18: FFS Just been told I'm a tosser by biggest wanker on planet #potsandkettles

@JackDee18: Trying to ignore him but Psycho Ex keeps on #ruineddrink

@JackDee18: Now he's made C cry. Called her a fucking whore #noonetalkstomygirllikethat

@JackDee18: Walk away Jack. Walk away...

@JackDee18: We're gone. #notstayingwithhimaround

9pm

@The_Derby_Diva: Oh yeuch Louis in a onesie #thingsicoulddowithout...

@The_Derby_Diva: Hey @Rosiecoll how's your head?

@The_Derby_Diva: @gabriellebrenam Just saw you're earlier tweet.You make the most of it you lucky girl #wishidhadyourchances

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva Actually just starting to feel alive again! Hope don't mind me asking?...we are invited tomorrow?

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll Of course...Got my parents, all my cousins, Lazy Boy's school and college friends and half the neighbourhood.12.30 DON'T BE LATE

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva Aw... Thanks looking forward to it. Heard so much about your son.. Be nice to meet him:)

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll Well if you'd got there on time last night... :-)

@The_Derby_Diva UnionJworld are rubbish... How have they stayed above Ella? #xfactor

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva I know. But did a bit of memory lane at the Standing Order... used to be Nat West bank.. Hence the name...Clever

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll Ha ha...

9.30pm

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva Whats the bday boy doing tonight?

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll I don't know and I DON'TCARE... Who wins #xfactor much more important :-)

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva Oh no.. You've not fallen out have you? Been out of it since I hit the prosecco last night. Have I missed something?

27

@FitnessDee: We're happy without, but sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if Dave and I had decided to have kids.

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll How long have you got?...

@FitnessDee: Starting to understand how it feels to worry about them, though…can't be easy!

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva Oh ok.. I haven't, my head can't take too much in:)

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll Short story Ex been around and nasty but I've been told in no uncertain times my Boy is a grown up, so I'm leaving him to it.

@The_Derby_Diva: Wow #James was just amazing #xfactor

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee That's why I don't want to even think about him tonight #whattheyeyedoesntsee

10pm

@The_Derby_Diva #imaceleb in a minute #charleyforthewin

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva Oh that's not nice.. Is he really nasty? Don't like trouble me. I like a quiet life. Bita eye candy...I'm happy

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva yeah, sorry…can understand that! Didn't mean to remind you. Was just thinking out loud. And anyway, I'm sure he's fine.

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee :-)

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll Yeah really mean look in his eye

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva @RosiecollThis is the same guy who came around to yours last night, isn't it? Do you know much about him?

@Rosiecoll: @FitnessDee @The_Derby_Diva This guy sounds trouble to me!

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva You know what? I shouldn't have asked. I'm sure everything's fine. Has I'm a celebrity started yet?

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee @The_Derby_Diva must have dozed off after my Chinese. What have I missed? Ashley won yet? Everyone ok?

@GabrielleBrenam: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll we will be there!

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva Yes with you on this one. I need a quiet night. @BigBgnome been giving me enough lip to last awhile!!

28

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee @BigBgnome OK Let's do our competition predictions - Strictly X factor and I'm a Celeb. Who's gonna win and why?

@Rosiecoll: @Gabriellebrenam @The_Derby_Diva Oh thats good! Not met you yet either! I love meeting new people. Want some sensible new friends.

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome there's a good idea! I only watch Strictly, really……and Lewis still my favourite.

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @FitnessDee @ BigBgnome oh let@BigBgnome tell you ours. My heads starting to spin again

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome@Rosiecoll @FitnessDee Not for the first time but what are you two like?

@Gabriellebrenam:@Rosiecoll @The_Derby_Diva Me too. Party time tomorrow!

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee Ashley Lewis Jahmene

10.30pm

@JackDee18: Can't get hold of OW. Keeps blanking my calls

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @The_Derby_Diva @FitnessDee Just tired. I don't know why you let me drink so much. And the mojitas.. They were your fault

@Rosiecoll: @Gabriellebrenam @The_Derby_Diva am liking the sound of you already.lol

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Hey...have you got your phone on?

@The_Derby_Diva: Nah it's Lewis Charlie James

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee I am NOT answering tonight... #toomanyruinedevenings

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll @The_Derby_Diva @ FitnessDee my fault!!!! I dragged you away from the slammers!!! Typical #passtheblame

@The_Derby_Diva: yeeeeuch...cockroaches #imaceleb

@JackDee18: I know my Mum is in. I can see her on twitter rabbiting on about #imaceleb. PLEASE PICK UP

@JackDee18: Shit don't want to do this

@JackDee18: @The_Derby_Diva Mum. It's me. PLEASE ANSWER YOUR PHONE

29

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 This is a wind up...

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 right?

@JackDee18: @The_Derby_Diva MUM I KNOW YOU ARE THERE PLEASE ANSWER ME

@BigBgnome @The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 I don't know who you are but this is irritating me now.

@JackDee18: MUM IT REALLY IS ME...I'M IN THE HOSPITAL. CALL ME

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee just seen @JackDee18 tweets what's up with him? Bit of a change! Only wants mum when things are going wrong

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Oh GOD. Ally, it really is Jack. Look at his earlier tweets.

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee ... Or could be he's ran out of money.. Only 2 times kids want you!!

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Before these ones, I mean. It's really him. Don't think he would have tweeted unless it was serious...

@The_Derby_Diva: RT @TheXFactor What an astounding #XFactorSemi! You can download all of tonight's performances here : http://bit.ly/Tfeif6

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee What? How do you know?

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee hope he's ok :L

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_DivA look back at his timeline. He's been tweeting for a while

@Rosiecoll: @FitnessDee Ally... Is that @The_Derby_Diva?

@The_Derby_Diva: I can't go now...they're about to crown the winner... #imaceleb

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Only just saw myself this afternoon. Didn't want to make things between you worse by saying anything…

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee Well I don't think so otherwise he wouldn't be in hospital... I sometimes wonder about you!

@JackDee18: @The_Derby_Diva Mum. I'm in trouble. REAL trouble. Sorry about earlier. Please come.

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Really? Are you sure? Do you want us to go and check on him for you? I mean, I know he's been difficult, but…

30

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 You're on twitter? You've been reading my tweets? That's my PRIVATE life...

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll Yes - Diva's a nickname. I really think she should go. She'll kick herself if anything's happened…

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 All right just seen your last one. Calm down I'm coming. Which hospital? Text me.

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee I was trying to show my caring side :L Could be anything. Hope @The_Derby_Diva let's us know

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva @JackDee18 Thank God for that. Hope everything's OK. Let me know if we can do anything to help. Ring whenever x

@JackDee18: Thank fuck for that...she's coming

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee @The_Derby_Diva Well I hope this doesn't spoil tomorrow! Already cocked up fri night!

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome@FitnessDee @The_Derby_Diva Aw feel a bit mean now. He does sound frightened!!

@Rosiecoll: @FitnessDee @BigBgnome @The_Derby_Diva OMG Dee she's your friend. Do you think you should go with Ally? This sounds a bit dramatic!!

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee @The_Derby_Diva oh bloody hell - what on earth has happened :(

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome I've tried to call but her phone must be on silent from before. Have told her to ring if she needs anything. #worried

@FitnessDee: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll who knows. Still feel guilty for not telling her Jack was on here…

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee @Rosiecoll don't beat yourself up about it Dee. Wouldn't have made any difference. Tonight would still have happened.

@FitnessDee: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll Thanks. Yeah, I guess...

@FitnessDee: What a night. I'm off to bed with a cup of camomile. Thinking about @The_Derby_Diva and @JackDee18...

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee know I said never again.. But brandy is medicinal.

@JackDee18: Oh shit...Ex is doing badly. Police want to see me when I'm through... #whatamIgoingotodo

31

PART 3


@The_Derby_Diva: I am WRECKED.Got three hours sleep last night.THREE HOURS...Gotta get washed and dressed so I can get down to the centre for the party...

@The_Derby_Diva: ...not that J deserves a party after the stunt he pulled last night.We were at the police station till 3.30. He's bailed "pending inquiries"

@The_Derby_Diva: I could bloody kill him. I really could...

@FitnessDee: Oh, Ally - so he was arrested? What happened?

@The_Derby_Diva: I didn't even get to see who won #imaceleb Anyone know?

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Jack's not the only one I'm mad at.

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva ??

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee You lot.You @Rosiecoll & @BigBgnome. You all KNEW he was on twitter. I was saying all that stuff about him & you never said #hurt

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome I thought about it, honest! I only saw yesterday. Things were already so bad between you two...

@The_Derby_Diva: I smell of hospital &police stations - cleaning agents mixed with pee - not pleasant.I need a shower.AND breakfast. AND a whole other life

@Gabriellebrenam: @The_Derby_Diva Did you go to the hospital? What a crazy night!

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva I'm really sorry - if you'd just answer my calls, I'll explain? Was just trying to help :-(

8.15am

@The_Derby_Diva: Well that helped clear my head. At least I'm no longer covered in GBH grime

@The_Derby_Diva: @gabriellebrenam It really was.I knew C's Ex would find them. Not sure who started it but the Ex got the worst of it so J may get charged...

@The_Derby_Diva: @gabriellebrenam ...you'd never put my Jack through something like that. But he still only has eyes for C...#dontgetit

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Look don't mind me...Not enough sleep, too much to do and generally livid...

32

@Gabriellebrenam: @The_Derby_Diva the more you say that the more he is gonna hate me. He likes to provoke you.

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee ...though I'm not sure about @Rosiecoll and @BigBgnome What was all that cougar stuff about? Bad enough I have to put up with C

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome It looks like the party's still on. Mind, looks like she's not very happy with us.

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Gotta get dressed now. I'll call you later.

.@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva No problem x

@The_Derby_Diva: @gabriellebrenam Can't help speaking the truth. According to some people I spoke to last night she was egging J on...

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll don't think we'll be welcomed with open arms :L @The_Derby_Diva isn't happy with us or @FitnessDee Can still drop you off?

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva yeah, I know - see why I didn't want to say anything this weekend? they've been on about my Dave, too. Talk in a bit x

@gabriellebrenam: @The_Derby_Diva I don't know what's happened to him. He used to be a lovely guy but now...maybe is C...

@The_Derby_Diva: @gabriellebrenam...yep she's a rotten influence on him. But will he hear it? #sigh

8.30am

@The_Derby_Diva: Just popped into J's room. He's sleeping like a baby but his face...his beautiful face...it's all mushed up and swollen. #wannacry

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva Hi Ally, just checking you ok this morning?? Look, we were only having a bit of fun with Jack

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome You should have bloody told me. I feel such a prat. All that stuff I was saying...

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome But Ally, I'd only just met you...@FitnessDee your best friend...surely...

@gabriellebrenam: @The_Derby_Diva Try not to cry. We have a party today

@The_Derby_Diva: @gabriellebrenam Just trying to pull myself together. Got a long list of things to do

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome well it might be good to see Big Dave again!! Try and make it!!

33

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome @FitnessDee All right All right. I'm mad as hell but I'm madder at C. If SHE has to come...you lot can come as well.

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 Morning love. We need to talk about what's gone on here, but after the party right? See you at 12.30. DON'T be late

9.45am

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Do NOT go dragging me into this please! I found out too late. And someone gave me some bad advice, remember?

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome something about discretion and valour…

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome And speaking of discretion, I had a long chat with Dave this morning.it IS him you used to know, isn't it?

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Don't know why you didn't just say! Such a long time ago, and we've all got the odd old flame or two…

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee @Rosiecoll but who said anything about Big D being an 'old' flame? eek #runsforthehills

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Oh for gods sake...we were getting out of this nicely...

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll ssshh. Mum's the word ;) Will drop you at party should have time to nip in for quick drink and say hello

@Gabriellebrenam: @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee Are you going to the party? They need a good time together don't they? How can we help?

@FitnessDee: @Gabriellebrenam @Rosiecoll Hi Gabrielle, yes I'll be there. Keeping fingers crossed that things will go smoothly!

@Rosiecoll: @Gabriellebrenam @FitnessDee Well I love a good party. Not been out much in last couple years and knocked drinking on the head...

@Rosiecoll: @Gabriellebrenam @FitnessDee But I have a feeling I may need more than a couple this after...

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Anyway.. Yes exactly what do you mean? You're def coming to this party.. Never been looking forward to anything more..

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll have you been to cashpoint yet? You can buy drinks. You still owe me for Chinese. And Ally for nix ... #tightwad

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee Its an interesting point, really isn't it. Twitter enables us to see more than we should sometimes!

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee Still don't think I should have got involved.. But think maybe if i'm honest wouln't have said anything...

34

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee ... To start with anyway, think if its serious then you must. Anyway less of heavy stuff.. Lets party!!


@JackDee18: Everything hurts. Oh god.

@JackDee18: Am in so much shit. #dontknowwhattodo

@JackDee18:My girl the only person on my side.

@JackDee18: Fuck and Mum's read all my tweets. Have to get off twitter.

@JackDee18: Can't believe Mum didn't answer my calls last night.

@JackDee18: She still wants to go ahead with this fucking party. #isshemad?

@JackDee18: Granny's going to go ballistic when she sees my face...

@JackDee18: Want to go back to bed. #cant

@JackDee18: Oh god. Why is life so crap?

@JackDee18: Fucking hate being an adult

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 You wait till you marry someone...then find out they have history!! You've a lot to learn yet Jack

@FitnessDee: My poor personal training client...so distracted this morning I made him do twice as much work as usual - kept forgetting to count his reps!

@FitnessDee: Ah well...it's not like he didn't need it! Off home now - got a party to get ready for...

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll Don't listen to what Mum says about C. She hates her. Her ex is a nutter.

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll Couldn't stand by and let him talk to her like that.

12.15pm

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome you in bathroom? For God's sake put that drink down! It's not even 12 AND you're meant to be back on the wagon :(( Get ready.

@FitnessDee: @Gabriellebrenam What time are you getting to the community centre?

@FitnessDee: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll you girls are going to behave this afternoon, aren't you? I'm bringing Dave, but be nice to him!

35

@Gabriellebrenam: @FitnessDee I'll be there at one, and you?

@FitnessDee: @Gabriellebrenam Round the same time - soooooo hope it all goes OK!

@Gabriellebrenam: @FitnessDee ok. See you then :-)

12.30pm

@JackDee18: Phew. Got here in time #avoidsoneslaggingoffsession

@JackDee18: Trying to avoid gran. Don't need another lecture

@JackDee18: Hell. She's clocked me. #imnotacelebritybutgetmeoutofhere

@The_Derby_Diva: Phew! Just got everything ready in time... And J has made it. Thought it would be touch and go...

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 Thanks for coming love. And sorry Granny is smothering you. Did try and prepare her but she WILL over react

@The_Derby_Diva: No sign of @Rosiecoll or @BigBgnome yet...Think @FitnessDee and @Gabriellebrenam said they'd be along at 1?

@The_Derby_Diva: The place is filling up...Great Aunt Nellie is O/Ding on sherry,Cousin Sally 's fella Neil has the beer keg open, Jen's tots running around

@The_Derby_Diva: Ah and look Ed and Jan from the Dolphin have just brought the karaoke machine...This should be fun.

@The_Derby_Diva: No sign of C yet...Is it too much to hope that she will stay away?

12.45pm

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome I'm coming I'm coming, but think it may be better to make a low key entrance.. We can see how it's going

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll come on then. Let's get it over with. In we go ...

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Ok bit more lippy... Think we should pretend we don't know Dave. Bet he will go along with that.

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll you bet. Big Dave won't want any trouble. Can't see his car. Don't think he can be here yet

@BigBgnome: We're in. Hello @JackDee18 that must be you judging by the state of your face. Happy birthday xx

36

@JackDee18: @The_Derby_Diva Why are you tweeting me? we're in the same room?

@JackDee18: Lecture from Granny May over. I need a drink.

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 Moral support I know what Granny can be like...

@JackDee18: Hope C gets here soon. Met @Rosiecoll & @BigBgnome they're getting hammered already #savemefromthecougars

@The_Derby_Diva: This is nice. Really nice. Everyone's getting settled. J doesn't look too fed up. Music's playing. #couldworkoutallright

@The_Derby_Diva: Do you know - if this party works out, I think I'll forgive EVERYONE...even Courtney

@The_Derby_Diva: Look at him...He's standing at the bar, and despite his comments, he is making an effort with Great Aunt Nellie. #proudofmyboy

@The_Derby_Diva: I hope he likes his cake...it is drum related...

@The_Derby_Diva: The cake. OMG the cake! I left it at home. How could I leave it home? Shit gotta go.

1pm

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Hope you have a great afternoon. Ooh, was the fight really bad? What state's the ex in?

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll Thanks Rosie. Don't want to talk about it.

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome you know I'm not being funny but what you got us mixed up in? Fights, exs, I'm just not used to all this Quiet life me! Hic

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 We're not cougars really.. Though there's someone here that @BigBgnome has dalliances with..oh damn, forget that...

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 Let me get you a drink Jack, all important things.. Must take it a bit steady.

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll Ta Rosie. Think I might have to get very pissed to get through this

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll shut up and stop drinking.

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome has nipped to the corner shop for nurofen! Think I'll have a bit of fun while she's gone. She won't know!!

@Rosiecoll: @FitnessDee Hi Dee, you look lovely, what a great figure you have! All that fitness works. Is Dave here?

37

@Gabriellebrenam: Hello @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee. Looks like the place is full...where is @The_Derby_Diva?

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll I've not gone yet...

@grannymay_65: My this tweeting is stressful. Couldn't remember my password so have set up new account #earlyalzheimers lol

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome Well come and chat as well then: Think Dee's not keen on chatting to us. Might have to go over to that chap over there...

@Rosiecoll:... He looks like he might be a bit of fun? Where's Ally, thought she was bonding with Jack?

1.15pm

@The_Derby_Diva: @gabriellebrenam @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee Just in the car park. Anyone got hands free to help me with the cake?

@granny_may65: Told @JackDee18 what a silly boy he's been. But I don't think he listened. Young never do.

@granny_may65: Much crosser with @The_Derby_Diva. Always said she spoiled him

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome @gabriellebrenam @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee It's got a picture of J as Keith Moon... Shh don't tell him

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome @gabriellebrenam @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee Helloooo is anyone there? I really could do with a hand with this cake?

@gabriellebrenam: @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee ok I'm coming...

@The_Derby_Diva: Oh no...C's just crossing the car park. She's seen me. Looks like she's going to carry the cake with me. At least J will be happy

@gabriellebrenam: @The_Derby_Diva What a wonderful cake!

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva It can't be that big... surely?

@The_Derby_Diva: Hey @gabriellebrenam thanks for coming too. This should be fun, me you and C carrying the cake... #dontmentionlastnight #dontmentionlastnight

@gabriellebrenam: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll crazy. I won't say anything :-)

@JackDee18: OMG Courtney's carrying the cake with Mum. Shit shit shit

38

1.30pm

@granny_may65: Cannot BELIEVE the size of the cake @The_Derby_Diva has got @JackDee18 She needed half the partygoers to help her carry it

@granny_may65: Aha. I think I spy the Slag.@The_Derby_Diva bristled as they walked in. I poked Jack Senior, and I said, Jack, love, I do believe that's...

@granny_may65:.. oh sod, can't manage 140 characters - the lass who's been causing our Jack all that trouble

@granny_may65: It's a bit nippy to be showing that much flesh if you ask me. But I'll keep an open mind @The_Derby_Diva is such a drama queen

@granny_may65: And if our Jack likes her, she can't be all bad...

@granny_may65: Who are those two getting pissed in the corner? They look like a laugh

@granny_may65: Ah, think they must be @Rosiecoll and @BigBgnome I might tackle them later to get their version of events.

@granny_may65: First I'm going to get @JackDee18 to introduce me to his girlfriend

@JackDee18: And now Granny May wants to meet C FFS

1.45pm

@The_Derby_Diva: Jan and Ed have the karaoke machine up &running. Do you think they have Bohemian Rhapsody? #mamadidntmeantomakeyoucry

@JackDee18: This must be the worst 18th birthday party ever #notmyidea

@JackDee18: At least Psycho ex in hospital still

@The_Derby_Diva: So the cake's in the kitchen and C' s all over my boy...I managed to keep a lid on it phew

@The_Derby_Diva: Ha ha. Mum's just interrupted that snog. She has no manners

@The_Derby_Diva: Thanks @gabriellebrenam couldn't have done that without you...One day he'll see sense.

@The_Derby_Diva: Dee?Rosie? BigB? Where are you all?

@The_Derby_Diva: No Ed, don't ask Great Aunt Nellie to sing. NOT after she's had that much sherry...

39

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva Me and @BigBgnome are over in the corner getting pissed.

@granny_may65: When I stopped the Slag playing tonsil tennis with my grandson, I thought she seemed quite polite #dontknowwhatallthefussisabout

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva please do. Otherwise @BigBgnome will start. Trust me you don't want that happening

@granny_may65: But dear god, don't the young ever wear any clothes. Makes me feel cold just looking at her. I've got my thermals on under my glad rags

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome You know if thats Jacks granny over there.. She doesn't look half bad... Reminds me of someone, now thats bugging me!!

@granny_may65: Hello @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll Any friends of my Ally's are friends of mine. Do you think she's right about Courtney? She seems quite sweet to me.

@FitnessDee: @Rosiecoll aw..thanks! Yeah, he's here - haven't you caught up with him yet?

@granny_may65: BigBgnomeAnd our Jack seems quite smitten.They're only young. I think @The_Derby_Diva should butt out. She won't listen to me.

@granny_may65:@Rosiecoll @BigBgnome @The_Derby_Diva has always done things her way. Told her it would be hard managing alone. But she knew better.

@granny_may65: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome What's a mother to do?

2pm

@JackDee18: FFS Granny came over when I was mid snog with Courtney #shehasnoshame.

@JackDee18: Mum & C haven't fallen out yet, so that's something.

@JackDee18: But the cake. OMG the cake. I am not 10 anymore Mum, WHY DID YOU GET ME A DRUMSET CAKE?

@Rosiecoll: @granny_may65 @bigbgnome and @The_Derby_Diva Mind if only I could look as good as C with so little on!!

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Oh there you are...Nice to see you,

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 It's YOU as Keith Moon!! The best drummer in the world. Doesn't it look like it:?

@granny_may65: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Well back in the day... Even if I say so myself. You ask Jack Senior. He'll back me up.

40

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll Get the feeling @FitnessDee is avoiding us over on the other side. Never mind @granny_may65 is good fun. Lets get her tipsy!

@granny_may65: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Don't mind if I do. Mine's a gin & tonic. LARGE ta x

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome Hi Ally.. Sorry we couldn't help with the cake.. Might have lost my spot at the bar

@granny_may65: I have to say this is a very nice party. But dear god, @The_Derby_Diva has been spending money. Money she hasn't got no doubt #neverlearns

@granny_may65: I see Nellie's off again. I've got nothing against a good sing song, but that's not it.

@The_Derby_Diva: Hold on a minute..why is Granny May appearing on my timeline...Are you lot speaking to my mum? @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome ??? Not again

@JackDee18: OH god. Now Great Aunt Nellie's singing karaoke. Someone should tell her they really should

@JackDee18: Why oh why have I got all these old people at my party?

@JackDee18: Please MUM DON'T MAKE A SPEECH @The_Derby_Diva

@gabriellebrenam: Oh oh. It looks that J doesn't like his cake.

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome oh come on Ally. We're just having a bit of fun . You know, I'm sure I've seen her somewhere before!

@gabriellebrenam: I used to like J but now...

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva Oh, sorry dear. Didn't realise you could read them. #youknowimonlyspeakingthetruth

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva I've always spoken as I find. You know that. Your dad knows that. Let's not fight at jack's party eh?

@The_Derby_Diva: Now where is Courtney going??? She looks a bit shifty to me.

@JackDee18: Courtney's gone to loo. Fuck am going to have to talk to people

@granny_may65: Why has @The_Derby_Diva followed Courtney?

41

2.15pm

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 I bloody TOLD you. Just heard Courtney on phone to Ex. "You OK Babes..I'll come and visit you soon" I'm gonna tear her hair out.

@JackDee18: Why is Courtney taking so long? I texted her, but she's not texted back & phone's gone onto divert

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 Didn't you see my tweet? She's talking to her EX

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva I thought you were taking along time. Are you sure?

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee HELP! Get Dave in here...

@Rosiecoll: @FitnessDee OOH yes Dave.. Where are you!!

@JackDee18: @The_Derby_DivaWhat are you on about? You just want us to split us up don't you? LEAVE US ALONE

@JackDee18: The_Derby_Diva SO WHAT? She was worried about him last night. She's a decent person. You just don't get it.

@JackDee18: FFS Mum, let me in, I need to talk to Courtney. What are you doing to her?

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 @The_Derby_Diva Jack, love are you sure Courtney's the girl you think she is? Ally let the poor girl speak.

@JackDee18: @The_Derby_Diva That's it. I am so done with you. Courtney and I are LEAVING NOW

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 @granny_may65 She ATTACKED me. She threw the phone away so I couldn't see her texts

@JackDee18: @The_Derby_Diva You can scream and yell all you like, Mum, but you've gone too far this time. #goingnow

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 Just go will you?

@Rosiecoll: @JackDee18 @The_Derby_Diva No Jack don't you'll spoil the party. Had a couple of drinks and really getting into it! Karaoke next.

@JackDee18: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome Sorry. Gotta go. Can't stay after that.

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva @JackDee18 Ally who's the grown up here? Jack apologise to your mum at once.

@granny_may65: Dear god. It's like an episode of Eastenders on acid here

42

@granny_may65: Now @JackDee18 has trashed the cake.

@The_Derby_Diva: @granny_may65 @JackDee18 Sod the lot of you.I'm off home. #everythingsruined

@JackDee18: Fuck Party ruined. Can't go home. C and I going back to hers. #soangry

@granny_may65: Well that was an exciting afternoon and no mistake! Too much for this old bird. Jack Senior and I are having a nice cup of tea to calm down.


@The_Derby_Diva: It's freezing out here...been walking around for ages trying to calm down. Better get back and tidy up now. Don't want to lose my deposit

@The_Derby_Diva: Think I should make a list of people who have made me angry this weekend. Courtney tops it, but Jack and Mum aren't far behind...

@gabriellebrenam: Forget who makes you angry and have a drink with us!

@The_Derby_Diva: Oh God...look at the mess in here. Better make a start with the cake crumbs I suppose.

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva I'm still here trying to move Rosie who's passed out again (she weighs a ton) I'll help.

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva on my way to come and help. Sorry for disappearing earlier, will explain when I see you...

@BigBgnome: The_Derby_Diva pass me a brush and a bin liner ...

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome Oh bless you.

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll please wake up! @FitnessDee is on her way back now. Really don't want to make polite chit chat.

@The_Derby_Diva: @gabriellebrenam :-) I'll drink when this is all tidied up...

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee Thanks hon :-) Just been one of those parties hasn't it?

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Sure has! Think I left my phone behind too, after we left so quickly....not seen it have you?

4.15pm

@BigBgnome: @Rosiecoll what was it @FitnessDee said you should have? Banana and ground ginger biscuits? Something like that

43

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva there not too bad now. If you could just give me a hand to heave Rosie outside ...

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome Thanks hon...I'll give you a hand and finish up in the kitchen...Why don't you want her to see Dee?

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva oh no reason. Just been such a fraught day would like to get off home for a cuppa and scd and xfactor results

@FitnessDee:@BigBgnome @Rosiecoll Ginger tea, not biscuits! I'll bring some. And if you're already there, can you see if my phone's anywhere?

@granny_may65: Just checked out Ally's twitter feed. Still cross with me. #imstayingoutofthis

@The_Derby_Diva: @granny_may65 yeah well you're not answering the phone Mum...

@The_Derby_Diva: Just tried calling Jack...he's not answering. Nor is Mum. #whatswrongwithmyfamily?

@BigBgnome: @FitnessDee knew it was something gingery. Can't see your phone. What type is it?

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome Can't say I blame you...Thanks for your helpx

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva I've already had a good look for @FitnessDee phone. Can't see it anywhere. Even checked the black bags.

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva That's because I was on the phone comforting your son. He's devastated, Ally.

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva He says Courtney's not like that and you've got it in for her.

@The_Derby_Diva: @granny_may65 Mum please don't interfere - I've been living with this for weeks now. She wasn't just being nice to the Ex...believe me

@The_Derby_Diva: Come on Jack pick up the phone

@granny_may65: Just had that poor boy on the phone. He's in pieces. It's criminal. He shouldn't have to choose between his mother and his girlfriend

@The_Derby_Diva: Mum - I don't want to make him choose. I've been there before remember? When it was Andy or you?

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva That was different. Just putting my two penn'orth in & trying to help. Knew you wouldn't listen

44

@The_Derby_Diva: @granny_may65 Mum I chose Andy. You told me not to & I chose him I was wrong - you were right. I don't want Jack making the same mistakes.

@FitnessDee: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll it's a Nokia, in a red case. Definitely had it at the party.. Dave's just checking in the car for me.

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll Found it!! It was in the kitchen behind the wine bottles!

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva Never mind, found it. Fell under one of the car seats. Right, definitely on the way now. Sorry!

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll So who's phone did I find then?

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll You know what? It looks like Courtney's...Gonna look at the messages.

4.30pm

@The_Derby_Diva: It's not Courtney's it's Darren's...

@The_Derby_Diva: Hang on a minute...what's Courtney doing texting him?

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll You've got to come here now & read the texts I'm reading.Sick to death of being accused of making this up

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva He's a big boy, love. He has to find out the hard way like you did.

@The_Derby_Diva: @granny_may65 Well come and see the texts she's been sending his best friend and tell me I'm wrong.

@JackDee18: Mum keeps ringing. Not answering.

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva @FitnessDee @Rosiecoll give us a butchers

@The_Derby_Diva: Can see Jack's signed in. Shit don't want to do this...

@The_Derby_Diva: @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee Extremely explicit right? Proof I'm not making it up...

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll Oh God! I always knew she was trouble...

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 I'm sorry about earlier. I don't want to make you choose. I'm trying to look out for you. Please call me.

45

@The_Derby_Diva: @FitnessDee @BigBgnome @Rosiecoll I hate to say I was right, particularly after earlier,..

4.45pm

@JackDee18: @The_Derby_Diva Right blocking you now. Courtney's with me and she's not texting anyone.

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome reckon that boy of yours needs to see these...

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee wow. Is that physically possible?

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 Please don't block me...these were from yesterday. I'm not making it up. Ask the others

@FitnessDee: @BigBgnome @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll Not unless you're *very* flexible. And trust me, she's not. #seenheratyogaclass

@Rosiecoll: @FitnessDee @BigBgnome @The_Derby_Diva Am I the only one with a bad head??

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 Love your mum's only trying to help. She thinks Courtney's lying. Are you sure she's telling the truth?

@JackDee18: @granny_may65 Can you tell Mum to leave it? Courtney says its not true. She lent her phone to Rhianna last night. She & Darren had a thing

@granny_may65:@The_Derby_Diva Jack's just texted me. He won't unblock you. Says Courtney's not lying. Her friend borrowed her phone?

@The_Derby_Diva: @Rosiecoll @BigBgnome @FitnessDee @gabriellebrenam Thanks for your help Sorry about the weekend. Do you think we'll laugh about it one day?

@The_Derby_Diva: @jackdee18 I'm going home Jack. I love you & I want you to know if you choose C I won't stand in your way, but you need to read these texts.

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll @FitnessDee @gabriellebrenam it will certainly be a tale to tell our friends :)

@JackDee18: Courtney wouldn't do that to me. I know she wouldn't.

@JackDee18: Gonna prove them all wrong #withmyspecialgirl #iknowitsreal

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 please unblock me...

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 please...

46

EPILOGUE - 8.30pm onwards

@The_Derby_Diva: Can't concentrate on TV tonight...worrying about my boy.

@FitnessDee: @The_Derby_Diva no word from him then? Do you think your mum's heard anything?

@JackDee18: My Life is OVER

@JackDee18: FUCK

@JackDee18: Can't trust anyone

@JackDee18: Can't call Mum...

@BigBgnome: you can Jack. Us mums are always there for you.

@JackDee18: @BigBgnome Not this time...couldn't give her satisfaction

@JackDee18: @granny_may65 Are you there Granny?

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 Yes dear...Glad to hear from you, your Mum's worried sick

@Rosiecoll: @BigBgnome @FitnessDee Ooh this is tricky! Don't think @granny_may65 went down very well with Ally. Baited breath!!!!

@JackDee18: @granny_may65 Tried to ring but the phone was off the hook

@BigBgnome: @JackDee18 give her a chance Jack. She may surprise you.

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 I switched off the phone...I was watching Strictly.

@JackDee18: @Granny_May65 Can I come over?

@JackDee18: BigBgnome Granny gives me less hassle.

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 Why, aren't you with Courtney?

@JackDee18: @granny_may65 No...it's over...those texts were real

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 You poor boy...how do you know?

@JackDee18: @granny_may65 I found her phone

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 You should go home...

@JackDee18: @granny_may65 Not tonight...can't face it

47

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 All right. Come here. There's a train at 9. If you run you should make it.

@JackDee18: @granny_may65 I'm five mins from the station.

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 I'll put the kettle on.

@JackDee18: @granny_may65 Is tea your answer to everything?

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 In my experience, most things...See you around 9.30?

@JackDee18: @granny_may65 On my way - thanks Granny.

9pm

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva You can stop fretting. He's on his way to my house...he found Courtney's phone.

@The_Derby_Diva: @granny_may65 Really? Why won't he come here?

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva I think he needs a bit of space dear...

@The_Derby_Diva: @granny_may65 I know Mum but he's got to report to the police station in the morning...We need to be there by 9.30

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva We'll meet you there

@The_Derby_Diva: @granny_may65 Thanks Mum...And could you do me a favour? Ask him to unblock me will you?

@granny_may65: @The_Derby_Diva Of course. I'll give you a ring when he's here.

@BigBgnome:@Rosiecoll Are you following this, don't let nice Ben distract you!!

@granny_may65: @JackDee18 Spoke to your mum...she's fine. And she won't give you hassle, I promise. Could you unblock her now, just for Granny?

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 Just want you to know it's fine you're going to Granny's. I'm sorry about the weekend. I love you...Can we make up now please?

@JackDee18: @The_Derby_Diva I'm on my way to Granny's. Talk tomorrow.

@The_Derby_Diva: @JackDee18 Thanks love. Speak then. Night and Happy Birthday.

@Rosiecoll: @The_Derby_Diva Hurrah:)))

@BigBgnome: @The_Derby_Diva @Rosiecoll all's well that ends well (ish) (let's just forget about assault charge) #willgetdropped

48

@The_Derby_Diva: This Fat Lady is SINGING now!

@The_Derby_Diva: Right, so what's going on in the X Factor?

Documents

Some Days in the Life