Synthesis Weekly – February 23, 2015

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by Bob [email protected]

IMMACULATE INFECTION

by Eli [email protected]

PRODUCTIVITY WASTED

by Logan Kruidenierlogankruidenier.tumblr.com

SUPERTIME!

by Anthony Peyton PorterFROM THE EDGE

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

NO MIDDLE GROUND

by Amy Sandoval

by Sylvia Bowersox

by Koz [email protected]

KOZMIK DEBRIS

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by TripHazardTHE FRUGAL TERRAN

by Zooey [email protected]

LETTERS TO DESMOND

THIS WEEK COLUMNS

PAGE 6

PAGE 18New Wave Prom

The Art of Matt LoomisPUBLISHER/EDITOR IN CHIEFAmy [email protected]

LEAD DESIGNERTanner [email protected]

ENTERTAINMENT EDITORArielle [email protected]/submit-your-event/

ASSOCIATE EDITOREmiliano [email protected]

DESIGNERSLiz Watters, Mike [email protected]

DELIVERIESJennifer Foti

CONTRIBUTING WRITERSZooey Mae, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Eli Schwartz, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams, Sean Galloway, Alex O’Brien

PHOTOGRAPHYJessica SidVincent Latham

NERDDain [email protected]

ACCOUNTINGBen Kirby

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Potter

OWNER Bill Fishkin [email protected]

The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email [email protected]. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 [email protected]

VOLUME 21 ISSUE 26Febuary 23, 2015

4 SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM FEB 23 2015

How You Say… What?It’s hard to pinpoint the single weirdest person I’ve ever met, but in the running is this girl named Zoey. I met her when I was vending costumes at a dance festival in Sebastopol, and liked her immediately. She was a dark haired Spanish girl with a thick accent—peppered with cute “how you says” and misplaced words— living in Berkeley where she taught samba, bellydance, classical Indian dance, and yoga: things she had studied during her time living in Brazil and India. She loved my work and suggested we establish a trade system exchanging dance or yoga lessons for outfits she could perform in—a great deal for me, since I could get exposure for my art and receive one on one instruction from a professional.

I made her a beautiful costume set embellished with mosaics of red and amber glass beads and dismantled pieces of Afghan Kuchi jewelry, layered over black silk that floated and swished and rattled like a snake depending on the movement. It was one of my best.

I traveled to her house across the bay several times, whereupon she would immediately plead with me to help her with an urgent costume need or very important alteration while she ran errands or entertained an out of town friend. Somehow she never had time to do any dancing that day. It wasn’t a huge deal at first, I just added up the hours onto my side of the trade register.

One day I was getting ready to make the drive when she called and said she’d been invited last minute to spend a few days up in Mendocino, and asked if I’d like to go with her.

We could treat it as a little yoga and dance retreat. My schedule was loose enough back then that I said sure, threw some clothes in a bag along with a blanket and pillow, and had her swing by to pick me up on her way north.

When we got there, it turned out that her friend was actually a friend of a friend, and it was a weed farm and she was there to trim. There was no house, no toilets or showers, just a broken down RV full of garbage and wasps, and a barn full of dudes who eyed us uncomfortably. Suffice it to say we would not be doing much dancing. We were quickly assigned the job of fetching groceries and cooking for the group, who turned out to be a collection of half brothers from a polygamous family, all of whom believed firmly in alien invasion, the dangers of canola oil, and that my having no interest in cheating on my husband was very appealing. Zoey, on the other hand, was completely available, and immediately displayed a strange need to win the battle for attention, stripping half naked when it hit 80 degrees and suggesting we all head to freezing ass river to watch her go skinny dipping. That night in the barn loft, just a few feet away, she triumphantly and loudly bedded the oldest brother, mumbling Spanish phrases I can only guess the meaning of.

The next morning she took an hour and a half to do yoga with me followed by a suspiciously

by AMY [email protected]

amateurish samba lesson—which she later informed me was worth a total of $90, whereas she valued my sewing time at less than minimum wage for some reason—and I told her I would actually like to go home. We stayed another two days so she could burn several bridges and drive a wedge between brothers.

On the eventual drive back, we got to talking. I was curious about her time living in India and Brazil studying dance (“Oh, it was wonderful, I spent a month in each country”), and at what age she had moved here from Spain. “Oh, I’m not from Spain,” she said in her thick accent, “I’m from upstate New York. I just traveled to Spain recently and really liked the accent.”

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Thank You BaghdadOne dark night in 2006, I was sitting at a long table at the Los Angeles Times house in the Green Zone. Across from me sat, Borzou Daragahi, one of the most personable and accomplished reporters of the Baghdad bureaus. Looking at him you would think that he taught political science at some university. When he spoke to you, he was your best friend. He had just finished asking me how I found myself back in Baghdad, when something occurred to him:

“Sylvia, do you know any couples who met in Baghdad, and later got married?”

“Ah… well, no,”

“If you hear of anyone, you let me know, okaay. I want to do a story on them.”

Several members of the Embassy public affairs office joined in the conversation talking about different couples that they knew and their chances for relationship survival.

Borzou, it has taken me a long time, but in way of a belated-Valentine’s Day greeting, I think I might have something for you. I met my husband in Baghdad.

Air Force Colonel, Doctor Jon C. Bowersox entered my life one afternoon in 2005, while I was speed walking down the hallway of the Presidential palace. Jon is my wonderful loving husband now, but when I first met him, I found him rather annoying. I saw him as just another new guy who didn’t know anything, but came to Iraq full of ideas about

how to fix everything and win the war. He would drive us all crazy while he attempted to make his mark before realizing that everything he wanted to fix was as fixed as it ever could be.

I simply didn’t have the patience to deal with him.

The fake crystal chandeliers that hung from the impossibly tall ceilings of what always looked to me like a Las Vegas bathroom provided the yellow-tinged mood lighting. Think Amy Adams from the movie Enchanted crossed with Rizzo from Grease, and you’ve got me. Jon, a dashing forty-something guy about four inches taller than me, is not so easy to cast. He is a gentle military man with a steel spine, who lives in his head and saves lives for a living. What Hollywood actor could possibly handle that job description?

Dr. Frank Mahoney, the out-going Embassy Health Attaché, introduced us.

Once we completed the obligatory nice to meet you, he presented me with his business card, and bade me to call him Jon, even though he was a colonel. I was not in a military capacity at the time, and judging from his dark grey suit, it didn’t look like he was either, but I knew that I had to show a colonel respect, whether he wanted it or not.

As the incoming Embassy Health Attaché, Jon was part of the Ambassador’s crew. Which is why he always wore a suit and not a stylish Desert Camouflage Uniform (DCU). He did have a Beretta and the right to use it though. by SYLVIA BOWERSOX

NO MIDDLE GROUND

I noticed that even though he seemed to be an extremely laid back character he was rather nervous, and was shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Concentrating on me, yet looking around, like he was getting ready to take off running.

This wasn’t his first deployment in Iraq.

After a series of false starts and misunderstandings we became buddies. I was assigned to his office as a public affairs advisor; it was my job to ensure that he never got himself into trouble when talking to the press. Working with him was a challenge since he had his own way of doing things. It seemed like I was always mad at him. He would go off with reporters and tell them things he had no business telling them. No matter what he did though, he was always good at justifying it. It drove me mad. But he was kind and kind people were in short supply in Baghdad. After he went home, we stayed in touch. When I got back to the states, he was always there to listen. He understood how difficult it was to fit in back home. All through my struggles with PTSD, he was always there for me, and I was always there for him. We got married in 2009.

Thank you Baghdad.


Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of Matt Loomis’ work, between his fascinating show posters and album art, as well as several stunning drawings of people and places around Chico. There’s something about his art that I find deeply appealing; there’s a sort of heaviness to it, a strange harmony between beautiful and menacing, ugly and grandiose… It’s hard to put my finger on why, but I just want to stare at it for a long time.

So, I invited him to come in and talk with me, slapped down a recorder, and said, “You know, in case you want to talk shit about anybody.” We immediately went off the record swapping a hilarious and meandering series of stories, nearly all of which I can’t tell you about. Except that when he worked for the skate gear company DC he had to live in Orange County, and “all the dudes there look like roadies for Pennywise or Guy Fieri.”

On an unrelated matter… As pretty much none of you know, local artist (and, like Loomis, one third of the legendary Dr. Becky Sagers, PhD) Aye Jay Morano is my neighbor.

Anyway, we decided it was better to just give you a little bio and let the pictures speak for themselves:

Hi. My name is Matt and I do art. Amy asked me to write a quick bio about myself. I’m notoriously terrible at doing this kind of thing, so if you’re already bored: just skip this part and look at the pictures.

I’ve been drawing as long as I can remember. Some of my

earliest memories are drawing hot rods and Eddie from Iron Maiden (a LOT of Eddie drawings). I guess that’s where it all started, but it wasn’t until I was nine and saw Jim Phillips and Pushead’s skateboard decks that I became obsessed with it. For years, that’s all I did: I’d shut myself in my room and draw all the time in the hopes that one day I’d be 1/100th as good as Phillips or Pushead; social life be damned.

I’m nowhere close to meeting that goal, but along the way I’ve been incredibly lucky and grateful to have done work for some great projects and work with even greater people, mainly within the skate and surf industries and a ton of art for metal bands.

Everything I do is custom, time-consuming, and painstaking, all the way down to the lettering. There’s no use of clip art and I use fonts as minimally as possible. Everything is done by hand. I try very hard to not pigeonhole myself and be known as “that guy who only

does -fill in the blank-.” As much as I enjoy doing art for metal bands and surf companies, I’m more than enthusiastic to step out of that comfort zone. Variety in work helps to prevent burnout, anyways. Lately I’ve been into doing landscapes in pencil—which, if you were to tell me that 15 years ago, I would’ve laughed at you. A lot. It’s amazing that I can look at myself in the mirror after admitting that.

I sincerely hope you enjoy the art; in the meantime, I’m going to shut up and get to drawing.

– Matt Loomis


T H E A R T O F M AT T L O O M I S





Matt Loomis can be contacted at [email protected] – See more of his work at thehandofloom.tumblr.com


Total War: Attila

A good way to make something sit still for a long time is shake it up so egregiously that it’s left sitting there, dazed. Europe faced a similar situation at the ending of its Classical period, as the order that had begun to establish itself instead began, both in steady increments and sudden avalanches of chaos, to collapse. The peoples of Eastern Europe fled the growing might of the Hunnic Horde, smashing themselves desperately against the splintering walls of Rome.

The Total War series has picked out various times of interregnum and conquest from around the world, from Napoleon to the Sengoku Jidai; yet even for a series that thrives in settings of chaos and unstable potential, Attila’s descent into the Dark Ages is perhaps their most morbid, and certainly one of their most fascinating.

After the disappointing release of Attila’s much-hyped, much-awaited predecessor, Rome II, the Total War series had taken a hit in their reputation, which was still riding quite high from the enormous success of their last sequel, Shogun II. Many reviews out now compare Attila to Rome II, and rightly so: they feature much of the same map, and many of the same factions. Yet the difference is stark, and Attila, unique as it is, is viewed through the lens of Rome II’s flop.

The game’s playable factions are divided into several cultural groups: The Romans, divided into the dwindling East and utterly collapsing West empires; the Norse (Day One DLC only, of course), who find their lands growing increasingly useless in the rapidly cooling period of Europe; The Huns, who wander in landless hordes, hungry and armed to the teeth, and must constantly watch their back for the dozens of subjugated, furious peoples left in their wake; the Gothic

PRODUCTIVITY WASTED

Kingdoms, who must raze their homes, salt their fields, and pack up everything in the hopes that if they run far enough west, there will be food and shelter; the Germanic Kingdoms, who must keep one eye on their civic situation as it is flooded by hungry, foreign-talking refugees, and the other on the desperate, marching hordes from the east; and the Iranian Sassanids, who must constantly beat back the Eastern Romans while hoping that the Huns never look south.

All in all, it’s a remarkably desperate situation, carefully designed to bite you in the ass at any end. This is a huge step away from the surprisingly flat Europa of Rome II, and it’s not the only change. Much of the awful UI that made everything happen in a tiny window at the bottom of the screen has been revamped, allowing the player to navigate information with less squinting. Unfortunately, there are still a million menus to navigate in understanding one’s faction and provinces, but most of these are helpfully explained by the advisor. It would’ve been nice if the well-adjustable camera controls had been explained or even listed in the key mapping menu, but hey, at least those controls are there.

Attila is made up of strong setting and bold experimentation, woven well into the gameplay and a little sloppily into the UI, and executed into one of the dirtiest, most desperate Grand Strategy games I’ve ever played. It may not be easy, but the advisors are explicative and helpful, and the journey through the dark is memorable.

THE DARKEST OF AGES

by ELI [email protected]

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Closed Go DownLo BEAR-E-OKEBURGER MADNESS!Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. 11am-10pm.


Happy Hour 11-6pmselect bottles & drafts $3

CLOSED Closed for Repairs 2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY !!MINORS WELCOME!

CLOSED

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3

Closed

$2.50 TUESDAY: Tacos, Corn Dogs, Fries or Tots, Chips & Salsa and Motzerells sticks only $2.50 ALL Day!Homemade Soup Daily$3 Sierra and Dom Pints$ 3.50 KamisALL DAY!

Daily Happy Hourfrom 4-7PMPBR $2.25 Everyday!

Two Dollar Tuesdays! $2 PBRs $2 Tacos! Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F$1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers$1.00 off PBR and Olympia CansPool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Fried Chicken Sandwich w/fries or salad $6.99

6-close$3 Sierra Nevada Pints


Closed Go DownLo BEAR WEAR!1/2 off while wearing Bear Wear.MUG CLUB 4-10PM


$2.50 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts$2 Kamis -any flavorAll Day



NEW Food Menu

Bartender SpecialsHappy Hour 4-79-10PM Fire Hour$3.50 Fireball Shots

Happy Hour 4 - 7pm

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!

Progressive Night:8 - 10pm—$1 Dom, Wells & Sierra Nevada Pale Ale10pm - Close—Up $0.25 per hour til closing$3 Sky Cocktails

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3Live music 8-10

Closed WING WEDNESDAY!$2 for 3 Wings w/ drink purchase8pm-Close $4.50 Shooter of the Day$5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hourfrom 4-7pm

Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!PBR $2.25 Everyday!

8 ball Tourney 6pm sign-upHappy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Reuben Sand w/ fries or salad $6.99

6pm-Close Pitcher Specials $7/$10/$14


WACKY WEDNESDAYS (8pm - close )DJ Party 4 different DJ’s$1 wells$2 calls$2 domestic bottles $6 pitchers of well drinks

Go DownLo TRIKE RACES!Post time @ 10pm.Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks.MUG CLUB 4-10PM


All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day

$3.50 Skyy Vodka Cocktails$3.50 Tea of the DayBartender SpecialsHappy Hour 4-8pm

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM$1 OFF ALL DRINKS(excludes energy drinks)Bartender Specials

9-10PM Fire Hour$3.50 Fireball Shots

1/2 OFFEVERYTHING!!!

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells$5 DBL CaptainBuck Night 8pm-Close$1 wells, SN Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, Dom Draft$3 Black Butte$4 Vodka Redbull

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Wander Food Truck on the Patio6pm

No Cover Open 9PMBartender Specials$2 Dom Bottles & Wells$3 20oz. Slushies

9-11PM $15 Bottomless Slushieswith Souvenir Glass

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm$3 Sierra & Domestic Pints $3.50 Soccer moms$6 Dbl Roaring VodkaHomemade Soup Daily$5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day


Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99

6pm-Close$3.50 All beer pints3 Olive Red Bull$4/$5 DBL9PM Red Bull Movie Night

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm Ladies Night!8pm - CLOSE$5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board$4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and GingerBuck Hour 10:30 - 11:30

Early Bird Special9-10PM1/2 off wells

1/2 OFF COVER before 10PM

BURGER MADNESS!Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. 11am-10pm.

MUG CLUB from4-10PM

Happy Hour 11-6pm$3 select bottles & drafts

$2.50 16oz WellsAll Day

9pm-Close$2 12oz Teas$3 20oz Teas$2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials$5 Vodka Red Bull


NEW Food MenuBartender SpecialsHappy Hour 4-79-10PM Fire Hour$3.50 Fireball Shots

Happy Hour 4 -7pm

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!!

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells$5 DBL Captain8pm - Close$4 151 Party punch 22oz.8 - 9pm $1 Pale Ale & Dom.Draft Up $0.25/ hr until close

Join us for Beers on our Patio Bar!Happy Hour from 4-6.



Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm$3 Sierra & Dom PintsWeekend Blast Off!!8-close $6 Dom Draft & Jack or Jack Honey Shot

Homemade Soup Daily

Daily Happy Hourfrom 4-7PM

HAPPY HOUR 4-7PMBeer WeekGuinness cocktail specialsBeer coozie giveaway at back bar


10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.998pm-Close $4 Jäger Shots$5 DBL 3 Olive Red Bull$5 Imports

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm

FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!!8pm - Close$3 Fireball Shots$4 Big Teas$3 Coronas


LIVE MUSIC1/2 OFF COVER before 10PM


Select Pints $3 $3.50 Tea of the DayBartender SpecialsHappy Hour 4-8pm


Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM$1 OFF ALL DRINKS(excludes energy drinks)


Happy Hour- 4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-8pm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5

Power Hour 8-9pm1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts(excludes pitchers)9pm-Close $4 Jim Beam$3 Domestic Drafts$9.75 Pitchers$5 Dbl Sugar Island RumNO COVER

We open at 12:00pm.

Tacotruck.biz and Beers on the Patio!



Open at 11am$4.50 Bloody Mary$5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody MarysNoon - 6PM$1 OFF SN & Dom Pitcher$5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails

Daily Happy Hourfrom 4-7pmFull Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!


1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close$4 or $6 DBL Jack or Captain & Cokeor 3 Olives Any Flavor

Opening at 8pm for80's NIGHT!!8 pm - CLOSE$4 Sauza Margaritas$3 Kamis$3 Shocktop & VIP pint


LIVE MUSIC1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm


$4 Sex On The Beach$4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP$1 Jello Shots7-10pm $3 Fireball





Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY! Mon. - Sat. 4pm - 6pm$1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft and WellsPower Hour 8 - 9pm$3 Domestic Drafts$9.75 Pitchers$5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER $4 Jim Beam

WE OPEN AT 12:00PMMIMOSAS WITH FRESH SQUEEZED OJ FOR $5 UNTIL 5PM.

CLOSED 10am -2pm$5 Bottles of Champagne with entree$4.50 Bloody Mary$5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys


Free Pool with Purchase!1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers$1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans

$5.49 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint$7 CHEAP Beer Pitchers

KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT" 8 PM - CLOSEHALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors)Specials All Day!

Go DownLo BURGER MADNESS!Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. 11am-10pm.

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka

Champagne Brunch11am - 2pm$4 Champagne with entree


Champagne Brunchand SPORTS!

CLOSED

1020 Main Street Chico

530.345.2233

SICILIAN CAFÉ

Farm. Fresh. Italian.

Fine Dining in the Tradition of Southern Italy

Celebrating30 years !


SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS AT SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM/SUBMIT-YOUR-EVENT

TACO TUESDAY TRIVIA TRUE WEST

CRISCO DISCO MIXED MEDIA MIXER: MARCH

BMU AUDITORIUMDid you know Tacocat is a palindrome? Go drop your knowledge about tacos at the Taco Tuesday Trivia night at Chico State! Space is limited, and you’ll want to get there early, because there’s free tacos, and you know when free food is afoot, people are bound to show up. Hey speaking of palindromes, did you know this whole paragraph is a palindrome? JK, you weirdo. 7pm, free.

BLUE ROOM THEATER Look, we both know you’re in desperate need of some culture. You’ve been sitting at your computer watching Dance Moms on Netflix for the past week, eating dry ramen right out of the plastic. Clean yourself up and head on over the the Blue Room Theater for a night of theater (pronounced “thea-tuh!”). This show runs through Feb 28th but Thursdays are pay-what-you-can! 7:30pm.

LAST CALL LOUNGECome celebrate Queen Deryl’s 49th birthday with Chico’s sleaziest. No gifts necessary (unless you have cash, cash is good), just bring your best wishes, loose morals, and extra pomade. This is guaranteed to get weird in all the right ways. 9pm-2am

1078 GALLERYSunday is here, and you missed out on getting yourself the aforementioned “cul-ture” you so desperately need. You’re in luck because you can peel yourself away from the tv screen to trot on down to the 1078 Gallery for the March edition of the Mixed Media Mixer! Live music and live art creation. This show is free, and runs from 1-5pm. Do it, ya pile of lazybones!

TUESDAY, FEB 24TH THURSDAY, FEB 26TH

SATURDAY, FEB 28TH SUNDAY, MARCH 1ST

THIS WEEK ONLY — BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT

On Main

Upcoming shows...This Week...

319 MAIN ST | DOORS OPEN AT 9PM | HALF OFF DRINKS BEFORE 10PM

FRUITITION &SCOTT PEMBERTON

GROOVESESSION W/ BIGTREE FALL DOWN & SOFA KING

03/13DOUG STEIN’S 25THCHICO ANNIVERSARY

03/07MAC SABBATH, THISGLASS HOUSE, &BOGART THE MONSTER

03/17ST. PATTY’S DAYFT. SWAMP ZEN & ZUHG

03/15MOON HOOCH W/BIG STICKY MESS &SMOKEY THE GROOVE

26FEB

28FEB


23 MONDAY 100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 6-7pmThe Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pmChico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:30-6:30pmDownLo: Open Mic Comedy Night. Free.Pool League. 7pm. All ages until 10pmMaltese: Open Mic Music, Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pmUniversity Art Gallery: ART + TECH Exhibi-tion by four east-coast artists. 9am-5pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmYoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. Emiliano (no relation). Breathwork, Medita-tion, Healing.

24 TUESDAY The Bear: Open Jam Night, featuring a dif-ferent live band opening each week. Bring instruments, 9pm-1:30amChico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm. DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pmHoliday Inn Bar: Classes and Dancing, 7-11pm, 21+ LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+Panama Bar: Tropical Tuesdays ft. Mack Morris & DJ2K. 10pmStudio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm-1amUniversity Art Gallery: ART + TECH Exhibi-tion by four east-coast artists. 9am-5pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmValene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology:

“Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crimes: On the Trail of Physical Anthropology.” 11am-3:00pmWoodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

25 WEDNESDAY The Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pmChico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tour-nament, signups 6pm, starts 7pmDuffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny, Lois, and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pmFarm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Carey Robin-son and Friends. 6pm-8pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmThe Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable. 9pm-1amThe Tackle Box: Open Mic, 9:30pm-12amUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmUniversity Art Gallery: ART + TECH Exhibi-tion by four east-coast artists. 9am-5pm

Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.” 11am-3:00pmWoodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm

26 THURSDAY The Beach: Live DJ, no cover, 9pmChico Theater Company: Mary Poppins. 7:30pm, all agesDownLo: Live Jazz. 8-11pm. All ages until 10pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmHas Beans Downtown: Open Mic Night. 7-10pm. Signups start at 6pmHoliday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnightLaSalles: Free live music on the patio. 6-9pmMaltese: Karaoke. 9pm-closePanama Bar: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pmPleasant Valley Rec Center: CARD World Dance Classes. 6-7pm/youth 10-17, 7-8:30pm/adults. $20/4classesQuackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm-1amTackle Box: Karaoke with DJ Andy. 9pm-1am, 21+University Art Gallery: ART + TECH Exhibi-tion by four east-coast artists. 9am-5pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmValene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology:

“Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.” 11am-3:00pmWoodstocks: Open Mic NightYoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm

27 FRIDAY The Beach: Live DJ, 9pmCafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg, happy hour. 10am-2pmChico Creek Dance Center: Chico interna-tional folk dance club. 7:30pm, $2Chico Theater Company: Mary Poppins. 7:30pm, all agesDownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm. Live Music, 8pmDuffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmHoliday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-mid-nightLaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio. 6-9pmMaltese: Happy hour with live jazz by Bogg. 5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pmPanama Bar: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pmPeeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance

party. $1-$5. 9:30pmQuackers: Live DJ. 9pmSultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance. 6:30-7:30pmUniversity Art Gallery: ART + TECH Exhibi-tion by four east-coast artists. 9am-5pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmValene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology:

“Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.” 11am-3:00pm

28 SATURDAY The Beach: Live DJ Battle, 9pmCrazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night. Line dance lessons, 9-10pm, DJ & dancing, 10pm- close.DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmHoliday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. The Molly Gunn’s Revival! 8pm-midnightLaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-closePanama Bar: DJ Eclectic on the patio. 9pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmValene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology:

“Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.” 11am-3:00pm

1 SUNDAY Chico Theatre Company: Mary Poppins. 2pm, all agesDorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. $8-$15. 10am-12:30pmDownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pmLaSalles: Karaoke. 9pmMaltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm.Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

23 MONDAY Your Mom’s House: Cat Sweater Knitting Party. 3am-3:30am, 21+

24 TUESDAY BMU Auditorium: Taco Tuesday Trivia. 7pm, freeYour Dad’s House: Complaining About Obama. All day, all ages.

25 WEDNESDAY El Rey Theater: John Pardi. 7:30pm doors/ 8:30pm show, $20.Siskyou Hall Room 120 (CSUC): Eight Evenings with the Respectful Revolution: Putting Ideals Into Action. 7-9pm, all ages, free.

26 THURSDAY Blue Room Theatre: True West. 7:30pm Every Thursday is Pay What You Can.LaSalles: Happy Hour with live music with Low Flying Birds. 4-8pm, 21+. Laxson Auditorium: Storm Large: Songs of Seduction & Obses-sion. 7:30pm, $10-$34.Lost On Main: Fruition and Scott Pemberton. 8pm, 21+, $12 advance/ $15 day of.

27 FRIDAY 1078 Gallery: Jefferson Crew Presents: Friends of Jefferson Pre-Fest. 5:30pmBlue Room Theatre: True West. 7:30pm DownLo: Fight Music, Ghost Town Hangmen, The Longneck CongregationMaltese: Ryan Davidson, Liam Kyle Cahill, Katrina Rodriguez. 9pm, 21+Tackle Box: Live Music with Northern Heat, 21+

28 SATURDAY Blue Room Theatre: True West. 7:30pm Chico Women’s Club: Ha’Penny

Bridge and Los Cabilitos de la Cancion. 7pm, $10, tickets avail-able at Lyon BooksDownLo: Smokey the Groove, Big Bill & The Extra Crispies. 9pm, 21+LaSalles: Happy Hour + Makers Mile Video Shoot. 4-8pm, 21+. Last Call Lounge: Crisco Disco! Come celebrate Deryl’s 49th birthday. It’s a slutty ass greasy ass dance party! WOOOOOO! 9pmLost On Main: GrooveSession, with Sofa King & Big Tree Fall Down. 9pm, 21+. Senator Theater: In Flames: Charming America Tour with All That Remains. Doors 6:30pm, show 7:45pmTackle Box: Live Music with Chad Bushnell, 21+Yoga Center of Chico: Open Heart Dances/Poetry/Chanting. 7-9pm, 18+, $5-$10 suggested donation.

1 SUNDAY 1078 Gallery: Mixed Media Mixer. Music by Seamus Turner, The Unexpected Guest, Hello Bi-plane, Brad Petersen & Friends. 1-5pmDowntown Chico: Chico Down-town Criterium cycling race. 7am-5:30pmDuffy’s Tavern: Stand-Up Standish Comedy Showcase. Featuring DNA, plus Don Ashby, Yusef Swafford, Kyle Bowen, Liz Merry, Weston McCoy, Melanie Smith and Jason Allen. Hosted by Aaron Standish with John Bertoli. 7pm, $5, 21+Maltese: Up In Hell Tour with INCITE, Better Left Unsaid, Slaves & Blades. 9pm-12am, $5, 21+

FEATURED EVENTS ONGOING EVENTS


by ZOOEY [email protected]

ON THE TOWNJESSICA SID

Mahalo / 감사합니다When the idea is first presented, it’s framed as a vacation. “Just think, it’s your last semester of college! Wouldn’t it be great to take a little week-long break in the middle of it?” Months later, when I start counting the actual number of prior commitments I have (two jobs, a full course load, and an internship which is integral to my impending graduation), I tried to back out of the trip. At that point, it was no longer framed as a vacation, but rather a mandatory excursion, one which I was obligated to attend. “The house is booked, you already paid, you don’t have a choice, you’re coming.”

The plan was to meet my brother’s new in-laws in Hawaii. We were all staying in a house in Kona. The in-laws speak very little English. It was going to be interesting. Our first misadventure occurred when my traveling cohort and I stayed up all night to drive to Oakland Airport at 3am, only to realize that we were actually flying out of San Francisco Airport. I know this sounds like we are very dumb idiot people, but you’re only half right about that. We were flying out of SFO, but flying into Oakland on our return, which gives credence to my theory that airlines are running experiments on us to see how much fuckery we’ll take before we inevitably resolve to start traveling by hot air balloon.

The house was enormous, with seven bedrooms, a koi pond, pool, tennis courts and separate pool house. Upon our arrival the owner told us what I imagine he believed to be the most impressive thing about the house: that after he’d purchased it from the bank, he’d arrived to find Dog the Bounty Hunter living at the house. Thinking about those

silky blonde, beaded locks in the same space as I was now in made me deliriously happy. Although, upon reflection, that was probably just the fact that by that point I’d been awake for over 48 hours.

The high point of our trip was discovering the kava bar in town. Somehow in the sea of overpriced restaurants and red-faced, shouting tourists decked out in their finest Hawaiian print garb, there exists a little spot where locals gather. The locals (mostly men) drink kava and talk shit for hours. Politics, tourists, the women who pass... they discussed it all with the half-closed eyes and relaxed demeanor of kava enthusiasts.

The low point of our trip was two-fold. Visiting the Hilton and witnessing the completely ostentatious grounds, including dolphins in a tiny little pen, was incredibly depressing. That experience paired with the luau that took place at a hotel—a good reminder of what happens when a rich culture gets boiled down to its lowest common denominator to be packaged and sold to tourists—were the low points. Overall it was a good trip; my general laziness was interpreted by locals as “being on island time,” so it’s nice to know that in some places of our country they won’t make you feel shitty for just wanting to nap 18 hours a day. Speaking of which, I need to now finish this $27 airport Bloody Mary and squeeze in an hour nap before my flight leaves. Mahalo.

LETTERS TO DESMOND


Living in a Fog

It’s foggy out this morning and I don’t understand why. It hasn’t rained here for over a week and the ground is dry and hard. Where is the moisture coming from? Maybe it’s flowing off of the Sacramento River.

We often play a fun game her in Los Molinos called “fog or smoke?” There are hectares of walnut orchards surrounding our small town and the farmers are always setting fire to massive piles of felled trees and pruned limbs. The ensuing smoke will shroud the neighborhood, but it’s easily distinguishable from fog, primarily because of the smoke’s acrid smell. What I’m looking at this morning is assuredly fog.

Sober but Sick

My sober February was going well—my head was clearing and my body feeling stronger. But then I got clobbered by one of these awful cold/flu bugs going around and have felt like a raccoon/dog turd for the past week and a half. Ridiculous. In trying to stick to the idea of taking the month off of drinking I can’t even turn to my usual remedy: hot whiskey, lemon and honey. Trish tells me I am “turning my back on the medicine or our ancestors.” We both claim some Irish descent. I suppose on the bright side, between the lack of beers and the nausea brought on by the flu/cold I’ve lost a little weight, though I’m looking forward to putting it back on once March rolls around.

Dragon’s Blood

Right now is basically the off-season when it comes to winemaking. There is no ripe fruit out there of a quality worth brewing. So, for the first time I am going to try making a recipe I’ve read a lot of great things about. This comes from a man now legendary in the home winemaking community. His name is Danger Dave. Danger Dave developed the

recipe for an easy and fast brewing wine he calls “Dragon’s Blood.” It is comprised of a handful of inexpensive ingredients including lemon juice, a few bags of frozen berries, and sugar. Yesterday I bought the ingredients to make a six gallon batch and they amounted to around twenty bucks. Granted you need a little bit of wine making equipment, but all in all, if this recipe works out as nicely as I’ve read it should, this could become our household staple wine, at least for a few more years until the fruit orchards we have established become more mature. Once you’ve absorbed the cost of the plastic vat and the glass carboys, we’re talking a drinkable wine for around seventy cents a bottle. Allegedly it is ready to drink very quickly as well—no two year aging period, we’re talking about popping a bottle in four to six weeks.

A Word About Internet Memes

A lot of misinformation gets passed around in the form of internet memes. The latest victim of character assassination through internet meme is the man people seem to love to hate, Mr. Kanye West. People are free to make up their own minds regarding West’s personality and talent, but if you are making your assumptions based on what you’re reading in a cherry-picked, pulled out of context, one or two sentence caption, I’m afraid you might be doing it wrong. It’s harmless enough to use memes to characterize an entertainer, but what about when we draw our knowledge regarding complex political issues or medical problems based on groovy graphics and a handful of selected words?

by BOB [email protected]

IMMACULATE INFECTION

FOG OR SMOKE, FIGHTING THROUGH THE PLAGUE, DRAGON’S BLOOD, AND THE DANGER OF IN-TERNET MEMES

ON THE TOWN JESSICA SID


New Wave Prom 2015FEBRUARY 14—CHICO WOMEN’S CLUB

Three days after New Wave Prom I woke up to manageably smaller raccoon eyes, knowing—hoping—that the last traces of makeup could finally be washed down the drain with this, my hundredth scrubbing. That’s what I get for using expensive longwear cosmetics to paint my face like a postmodern evil geisha.

As many of you already know, New Wave Prom was fantastic this year. The turnout was awesome, fashions ranged from bitchin’ to radical, and the music was totally choice. Additionally, there was a bar hosted by Duffy’s Tavern, my good friend (and Prom King) Tom Martin’s Delorean was opened up on the back patio for everyone’s drunken-selfie enjoyment, and there was a traditional prom photo setup courtesy of the lovely and talented Melanie McTavish. (I anticipate many awkward pictures featuring me not knowing what to do with my hands or face.) All hail Molly Roberts for pulling it together so well.

We arrived almost on time that night, maybe 10 minutes past 8:00, and the place was filling up quickly (presale tickets sold out days in advance). One nice thing about shows at the Women’s Club: schedules have to be kept tight. By 8:30 Her Tragic Mistake was hitting the stage. The addition of live music was new this year, and it was perfect. Her Tragic Mistake debuted their ‘80s Goth and New Wave tribute at the annual Duffy’s Halloween show with Pinhead back in October, following the great Chico tradition of Sometimes Bands: bands who are so good they only need to play once or twice a year to penetrate our psyche. Everything about them

is gloomy and wonderful.

Claudette de Versailles, Chico’s original Empress of the Imperial Sovereign Court Of The Czaristic Dynasty, performed next. I’ve never seen her look more fabulous, in a breathtaking black and white striped fishtail gown that perfectly tied the futuristic androgyny and drama of the New Romantic scene with the orientalism of the Art Deco era. Pure glamour.

DJ Mike Flanagan (veteran of the Northern California New Wave Prom tradition) took over the music for the next hour or so, followed by DJ J-ho (perhaps better known as DJ Jeff Howse of Duffy’s Dance Night), who finished out the night with a sampling of his extensive record collection—plus a pretty sweet light show.

One of the most important things to note about this whole event is that there’s a big difference between ‘80s Prom and New Wave Prom, and the clearest line is drawn through the music. As it should be, there were no pop hits from Michael Jackson; no “Bust a Move” or “Get Down on It.” New Wave is Joy Division, The Cure, Culture Club, The Style Council… New Wave is tragically cool, androgynous, rebellious; it’s hard lines and synth and twitchy weirdos who only fit in with each other. The music was sometimes popular, and sometimes obscure, but always it was this distinct sound that the DJs offered like a sacrament to the bizarrely dressed cult dancing in a sea of black and neon. A great night. Next year, get your tickets early.

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by TRIP HAZARD

A Frugal Anniversary

It’s easy to give an example of an inexpensive date in a one-to-two sentence blurb, but giving a full example might help to ease the frustrating decision making of the process. Plus, Valentine’s Day was a couple weeks back, meaning low-cost, low-pressure dates are back in fashion. Rejoice, dating types—you can now happily attempt a frugal date. (Single persons: remain as you were.)

An important caveat: the purpose of proposing alternative, less expensive dates is not to starve expensive restaurants out of business. I’ll continue reiterating the maxim that the entire point of saving money on one purchase/expense is to put that money toward other financial goals, like debts or savings or future purchases. You might forgo cable for a year in order to afford a fancy dinner every month, if that fancy dinner is worth it to you.

Which leads to today’s example. As our last anniversary approached, my wife and I had the idea to take a weekend getaway and hike Burney Falls. The initial estimated cost for a weekend away near Burney Falls was something like $20 in gas, $150 for a night at a bed and breakfast, and $50 for a nice dinner—total projected cost: $220.

As the day approached though, we didn’t have the money saved up. I was out of work and we were barely breaking even on our expenses. We decided we simply couldn’t afford the $220 to execute those plans. (Sure, we could have put the weekend on a credit card, but that’d result in paying $220 plus interest over time. We weren’t willing to pay the $220 now, and we certainly weren’t willing to pay more than that in the future.)

FRUGAL TERRAN

An alternative plan could have been a completely free anniversary: only engaging in free activities like hiking or various events about town. There’s no shame in that plan; it’s actually the plan for a majority of our regular social activities—which is why we decided to do something different for our anniversary. We came up with an alternative plan that cost less than half of the original: we each got to spend $50 splurging on whatever food and drinks we wanted at the grocery store, and then we rented a pile of movies for six dollars. Total cost: $106. (Even better, the anniversary food covered several extra days beyond our anniversary; as a result, we spent less on our regular food budget, so we saved a little there, too.)

The date was fantastic! The date itself started out with a fun time plotting and picking out our forthcoming meals. Full disclosure: Mine included a variety six-pack, cookies, sushi, and a bag of orange chicken. Then we spent a bit of time picking out a good mix of films to share with one another. Despite the financial constraints we faced, we felt free to relax in the space we made for ourselves.

Dear reader, have you ever come up with an alternative plan that saved you some money and peace of mind? Share it with me via email or comment on this article online at synthesisweekly.com.

ON THE TOWN — VINCE LATHAMFACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARDPHOTOGRAPHY

GREAT DATES UNDER $1.50 A POUND


by logan kruidenierlogankruidenier.tumblr.com

LIFE IN CHICODo you like Life in Chico? So do we! -“Like” Life in Chico, CA

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Lotus Land, written by local writer William Wong Foey

Local writer William Wong Foey author of best selling novel: Winter Melon releases his new book Lotus Land, a short story collection of bold and amazing stories of desire, despair, courage, and redemption. Available at Lyon’s Book Store at 135 Main (Chico) and in paperback & e-book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, & Direct Music Cafe.

A special thanks to all the people who purchased my debut novel: Winter Melon.

GREAT SHORT STORIES

We pay cash for your recyclables!!CRV ALUMINUM CANS $2.00/Pound

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And, as a courtesy to our customers, we’ll accept all other consumer electronics, such as fax machines, printers, VHS players, etc. as a drop-off, with no payments** Some restrictions may apply

Call for more information on getting cash for other recyclable materials.


Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail [email protected]

FEBRUARY 23, 2015 by KOZ MCKEV

Part of you is extremely con-scious of what is going on in your life. Another part of you has a blind spot with the potential to be part of your own undoing. Take care of finances and purchases early in the week. Mars in Aries brings new adventures and new chal-lenges. Venus in Aries gives you more to love. Uranus in Aries brings excitement, inter-ruptions and inspiration. The South Node in Aries brings an unknown impulse for acting out. The weekend is good for family events and taking care of domestic affairs.

Real peace comes from staying on task, being responsible with your resources, and being pre-pared to negotiate with others. Seek out charitable causes to help with. You tend to think of love as some sort of adventure. Challenges seldom scare you. If there is a place where you can fit in, you’re there. Wednesday and Thursday are your luckiest days this week. The weekend could be a good time to ele-vate your public image and to research fulfilling your career ambitions. This is also a good time to start exercising, and eating right for better health.

Your social life begins to take off this week. The moon will be in Taurus Monday and most of Tuesday. Work on making good karma. Much is out of your control. Dreams and the subconscious mind are in focus. You may have had a past life with some of the people around you. You may even be obsessed with the pleasures of the bed. Perhaps you’re in a place where you feel more iso-lated than usual. The weekend looks good for short trips, writ-ing, communicating, getting together with old friends, and working with your hands.

Having the juice to get the job done is part of this week for you. The needs of the libido figure strongly as the moon travels from your seventh house to the eighth and ninth house this week. Mars in the sixth house and Pluto in the third house lead you to take everything as a learning expe-rience. Demonstrate patience when things don’t turn out the way you want them to. Swallow your pride and ask for help when you need it. The week-end looks good for travel, risk taking and speculation. Your heart is open and you have cre-ative appeal. Who could ask for more?

A new cycle presents itself to you. You find yourself more in the public eye. Decisions involving work and career are likely to occur during this time. Your social life is very active, with invitations from various parties coming your way. The moon will be in Gemini on Wednesday and Tuesday; these are good days for job inter-views, presenting ideas, and at looking at issues from both sides. The weekend is good for focusing on finances, singing songs, and cooking good meals. Avoid overreacting and blow-ing things up.

It’s time to look within for per-sonal happiness. Contact and honor parents, grandparents, and elders in the family. Be happy with the people you con-sider to be a part of your tribe. Be conscious of your heritage and family history. Your creative resources continue to grow as your imagination expands. Wednesday and Thursday are good days this week for romance. The weekend looks good for dealing with other people’s property, dealing with death, improving your tele-pathic powers, and being as sexy as possible.

Things are getting better for you. Lessons learned are begin-ning to make sense. Begin the week socializing with friends, perhaps meeting new friends. Keep a low profile on Wednesday and Thursday. You too should pay attention to career and opportunities to display your talents and skills. This is a lucky time of year for you. This is also a good time for travel and education. Do things to help others and you will dou-ble your luck. The moon will be in Cancer Friday through most of Sunday. You could be the life of the party.

Personal mobility means more to you these days. Your focus is on environment, neighbors, siblings, and communicat-ing. Much may have been lost during Mercury retrograde that you are still catching up from. Demonstrate a willingness to learn new things. Be ready to work with your hands. Try alter-native means of transportation: walking, biking, carpooling, or public transit. Monday and Tuesday are strong days for you. The weekend looks good for romance, negotiations, love affairs and contracts.

There are no shortcuts to a fulfilled existence. Once you embrace the pleasant as well as the unpleasant, your life becomes richer. Being graceful during times when you can’t control things is essential. There is some good luck coming your way that may be disguised as a hardship. Magic is around the corner if you are able to keep the faith. Shared power feels better than one ego calling the shots. The moon will be in Leo late Sunday afternoon. You’ll learn something new about yourself as you adjust to other’s wishes.

Feel free to look at potential investments. Find out where your values truly show up. Your purchases have more political power than whether you vote or not. You will make many good conscious decisions this week. Begin with the founda-tional things that make you feel more comfortable. Wednesday and Thursday are filled with good creative ideas, heartfelt moments and a willingness to be playful. Play early and you’ll pay later. The weekend looks good for taking care of details and recovering from the week’s activities.

You are on the outside looking in. You are analytical and inquis-itive while Pisces is imaginative and caught in a dream. Your seventh and eighth houses are activated and your interest in romance is stronger than usual. Mercury is in your sixth house is teaching you to be a team player and to pay more atten-tion to your health. Monday and Tuesday are your luckiest days this week. It would be very easy to risk things for love during this cycle. The weekend looks good for parties and socializing. Make friends by being a friend. Stay chill as passions rise.

You are the flavor of the month. It’s your time to break old hab-its, get freedom from the past, and develop a better way to live. You’re either making good money right now or are strug-gling with your resources in some way. Begin the week by being open to learning new things. By the weekend you’ll be tapping into your creative resources. Good times and lots of love are around the corner. It will be difficult resisting food, drink, and sensual temptations. This is still a good time for establishing yourself in your chosen profession.

ARIES

LIBRA

TAURUS

SCORPIO

GEMINI

SAGITTARIUS

CANCER

CAPRICORN

LEO

AQUARIUS

VIRGO

PISCES


FROM THE EDGE

by ANTHONY PEYTON [email protected]

Stand-UpI watch and listen to a lot of stand-up comedy online, and I’m mostly interested in how the comedians’ values and assumptions show up; what they make jokes about.

Louis CK, for instance, is disgusted by his body, among other things, especially the naughty bits. He’s willing to talk about it for money and disgusted by it simultaneously, a workable combination for an artist, which he is.

When I heard recently that Amy Schildhauer was gonna do stand-up in an all-woman show at the Maltese, my neighborhood saloon, I went with great trepidation, because I’m especially susceptible to a certain kind of sympathetic agony when people fail. For instance, I can’t listen to a bad singer, like the one I heard at a recital not long ago who sang flat with no vibrato, just after a stunning aria by the class star. That kind of thing makes me want to cry, I suppose because I imagine how awful I would feel in that situation.

I admire stand-up comedians—and performers generally—for their guts, because it takes a lot of nerve to get up in front of strangers and try to make them feel the way you want them to. Some comics I can’t stand. Sometimes

they’re too stupid or stuck on ridicule or just uninteresting. I hear the audience laughing, but I’m not. Some female comedians I’ve enjoyed are Sarah Millican, Maria Bamford, Chelsea Peretti, Celia Pacquola, Ellen Degeneres, Sarah Kendall, Dana Alexander, Sarah Silverman, Paula Poundstone, Margaret Cho, Lisa Lampanelli, Morgan Murphy, Kathy Griffin, Kathleen Madigan, Aisling Bea, Sarah Pascoe, and Felicity Ward.

I often feel like that when a friend asks me to read something of theirs, because I’m afraid it’s gonna be shite and I’ll have to think of a way to say so kindly, not my strong suit.

Fortunately, Amy made me laugh. Whew. I don’t know what I would’ve said if she’d been awful, and thank God she wasn’t. She also stood out because she talked about being fat, the only one in the first half of the show who did, although not nearly the only one who could have.

I was surprised at how vulgar the performances were. I don’t mind vulgarity, but they didn’t seem to know much of anything past jokes about dicks and vaginas. No phalluses, no pussies, no insight, no wit, no wordplay. I remember when sex was about all I thought about, but I’ve gotten used to

other things being of interest, so the barrage of dicks and vaginas got old in a hurry. I’m definitely an old fogey and grateful for the variety that allows.

I soon realized that the preponderance of sex observations and jokes was because sex is what they’re still learning about, and nothing’s more important than that at their stage of life, mostly under thirty and unmated. Until we find a mate, or think we have, mating gets most of our attention. I don’t think any of the performers, including the transvestite emcee, was more than tentatively attached to another person, and nobody talked about education or employment or having children or politics or religion or much of anything past swapping fluids. Bless ’em.

They were all energetic and optimistic, which gives me hope for the race, though not always a reason to laugh, and that evening I did a lot of cringing. I’m going back, though. Even if sex isn’t the main thing you think about, try stand-up comedy at the Maltese, and tell me what you think.

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Synthesis Weekly – February 23, 2015