Tears Are A Language

Tears Are A LanguageOften you’ve wondered why tears come into your eyes

And burdens seem to be much more than you can stand

But God is standing near, He sees your falling tears

Tears are a language God understands

When grief has left you low, it causes tears to flow

When things have not turned out the way that you had planned

But God won’t forget you, His promises are true


God sees the tears of a brokenhearted soul

He sees your tears and hears them when they fall

God weeps along with man and takes him by the hand


— Words (and music) by Gordon Jensen ©1971, used with his permission. Learn about his ministry as an international evangelist singer / songwriter at www.gordonjensen.or

The Bereaved Have Learned

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Dear ReadersIn our last issue of

CHERA Fel lowship we included a purple slip which gave each one the opportunity to contribute to the publishing costs of the magazine.

I personally want to thank many of you who responded with a gift. And how wonderful it was to

read some of the notes that you wrote to me. They were encouraging and a blessing! We so appreciate you not only as a subscriber but also hearing from so many of you who desire to see this ministry continue. If you want to give a gift in memory of a loved one, just indicate that on a note enclosed with the gift. We will then print in CF the donor and who the gift is in memory of.

We want you to know also that if you missed this opportunity to send a gift, it is not too late. You can still

send any amount to our Home Office, making the check out to IFCA International:

CHERA Fellowship – IFCA InternationalPO Box 810Grandville MI 49468

Or if you like giving donations online, you can go to www.ifca.org/donations and quickly and simply give a donation to CHERA Fellowship at our website. While you’re there, feel free to also read some of our archived CF issues at www.ifca.org/cfarchive.

If you have any questions regarding our needs or how to do this online, please do not hesitate to contact me at 1-800-347-1840.

Thank you again for considering giving a gift to CHERA Fellowship. Our prayer is that “God will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

—Miriam Lofquist, Editor

Each loss teaches patience: that all wishes cannot be gratified.

Mourning teaches perspective. Those who overreact to small incidents and losses are usually people who have never experienced catastrophe. But the bereaved can distinguish the trivial worry from significant prob-lems. They respond with greater calmness than before.

Mourning teaches about pathos—the depths and range of feelings and different kinds of sadness. The bereaved never imagined they loved so deeply. Mourners acknowledge all those deep feelings and give themselves over to them.

Those who grieve see themselves with greater per-ception. They become vulnerable and willing to express their needs and let others into their lives.

Mourning produces compassion. It enables one to relate to other survivors and treasure them, to under-stand and sympathize with those who suffer.

Grieving provides clarity to one’s life. Those who grieve confront the reality of life after death, and spiritual goals become more important than temporal things.

— Adapted from CHERA Fellowship, March 1997, author unknown

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Are you a “cryer” or not? There are no rules about how much crying one should do in response to grief. Some people cry very little or not at all. They have different emotional wiring from those who cry easily and often.

Men may have been told in childhood not

to cry or they may have been teased as a “cry-baby.” Consequently, they try to stifle tears.

Others have told me they cried little because their spouse’s death was a relief. It put an end to their mate’s suffering, or it may have ended a long period of care-giving. One man told me, “I did most of my grieving dur-ing the five years I took care of my wife after her stroke.” When she died, he had a new freedom and fresh outlook.

I also know several widows whose husbands had been over-bearing and controlling. They may have had a long marriage and loved their spouse, but they are not crying themselves to sleep. They may be lonely, but rather enjoy living on their own terms now. That’s okay too.

Whether we’ve cried little or much, God keeps a record of our tears. Psalm 56:8 gives a word picture of God keep-ing them in His bottle and recording them in His book. Our Bible study this time explores the topic of weeping, and our theme for this issue is what tears can teach.

Have you ever said, “I had a good cry”? That seems like an oxymoron, but we forget that crying is therapeutic. Of all created beings, only humans can laugh and cry. The problem is that tears can be embarrassing. They make our face grimace, our nose red and runny; and what if we don’t have a tissue handy? Tears make us feel weak, inferior, inadequate and powerless. And they often appear without warning and stop at their own will, not ours. We feel compelled to apologize for crying in someone’s presence. We don’t want them to feel bad for us or be uncomfortable, so we try to hide or suppress it.

Although tears are unwelcome intruders, they serve a valuable purpose. Not only does weeping relieve stress, it

expresses grief in a healthy way. Tears cleanse our clogged emotions and anoint our wounded heart. They compel us to give up the ungodly desire to control our life and be self-suf-ficient instead of God-dependent. Elisabeth Elliot says, “The will is surrendered through the tear ducts.” When that hap-pens, it becomes easier to accept our difficult circumstances.

Even Jesus experienced this, and we can relate to Him who, “in the days of His flesh…offered up prayers and sup-plications with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death….Though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered” (Hebrews 5:7-8). How much more do we need those lessons!

Like a child who breaks his favorite toy and brings it to his dad to fix, so we must surrender all the broken piec-es of our shattered heart to our Father God. Tears make us willing to do that. They empty us of self-will so God can fill the void with what He wills. He promises to draw near to us when we draw near to Him (1 John 4:14).

Another thing tears accomplish is to signal our need for compassion from others. Tears spill out, and someone asks us, “What’s wrong?” This gives us the opportunity to connect with them and receive comfort.

As nature is refreshed and nourished by a rainstorm, so weeping can accomplish good things for us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So let yourself have a “good cry” whenever and wherever it happens.

—Marcia Hornok, Managing Editor

Lessons from Tears

The first stage of emotional pain is called grief. Grief is a series of painful emotions and experiences into

which a person enters and lives for a period of time that begins with significant changes, losses, and life transi-tions. The emotional reaction to a significant loss takes on many characteristics. Like physical pain, emotional pain is not visible. It is impossible for people to fully understand what another person is feeling during personal grief.

— Wesley M. Teterud, from his book, Caring for Widows. Used with permission. Wes and his wife Adrienne have a min-istry to widows in the Spokane, WA area.

My DaMp pillow

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God Redeems Tears“A time to weep and a time to laugh.” What an “inter-

esting” statement that Scripture in Ecclesiastes makes. The first half is interesting enough by itself—maybe imply-ing the necessity for tears. Perhaps many 21st century Americans view tears as something that could not possibly have any value. But in the value system of the Kingdom of God, God is about redeeming…everything, including tears.

I recall that after losing my 36-year-old wife, Connie, to an aggressive form of breast cancer that took her life just 5 ½ months after diagnosis, when my sons were then 3, and 14 months, how my eyes were (as Jeremiah 9 puts it) a “fountain of tears.” I wept so much that first year (1999) that my tear ducts stopped producing tears for a while; they were simply dry.

The weeping was gut wrenching and flowed from sad-ness somewhere deep within me. I was in the deepest pit I

had ever experienced, at the bottom of it looking up, with no idea how I would ever get out.

But I would not have expected what has come in sub-sequent years, on this wild and wonderful journey with the God who redeems. Often I find myself so full of grati-tude for how God redeemed my “life from the pit” (Psalm 103:4), that I weep—incredibly in the same kind of way as before from somewhere deep within, however now—it is from gratitude! I am amazed by God’s grace; and amazed that God has redeemed even that pit to expand my heart with gratitude. Nothing is impossible with God. Yes, “a time to weep.” But the Scripture verse doesn’t end there.

— Gary Chew. Gary is a healthcare financial analyst in Tulsa, OK. He enjoys reading, exercising, and most of all, being with his two sons.

My husband was a warm-hearted compassionate man who loved much and showed it. Many times he felt that his tears were a distraction, and he even prayed for the Lord to help him to control his emotions and dry his tears. That didn’t happen. On the other hand, I hardly ever cried; even at times when I was sad and certainly felt like it. He told me that he wished he could give me some of his tears.

After he went to be with the Lord, however, there were many times when I found myself weeping. I would cry because of good things such as music, Scripture vers-es, kindnesses from others, as well as over sad things. Sometimes I cried because it seemed no one remembered my husband, and sometimes because they would talk about him and I would miss him then. I felt completely overwhelmed and often protected myself by staying alone, so it wouldn’t be an embarrassment when I cried.

One morning I awoke and my pillow was damp. Now I was even crying in my sleep! So after spending time with the Lord in prayer, I said out loud to God, “Why am I crying so

much?” Soon I got up and as I dressed, I thought of Psalm 116. My husband preached one of my favorite sermons on this passage. Here it is in a nutshell: I love the Lord because:

a. He hears me – my prayers (vs. 2) b. He helped me – my praise (vs. 6) c. He has delivered me (vs. 8) (1) my soul from death (eternal security) (2) my eyes from tears (internal security) (3) my feet from falling (external security) So I read it over a few times and realized that I

was crying so much because now I must cry for two! My husband had no more tears in heaven; no need to cry—he had been delivered from crying. One day in God’s time, I would also be delivered from crying. Relief and comfort flooded over me. My tears are under God’s con-trol, and He does deliver us from them in His time and gives us His sweet peace.

—Donna Quaintance

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From Tears to ThanksLike most heart attacks, Larry’s was totally unexpect-

ed. Three weeks before, we were thanking the Lord for a great report from the cardiologist. Larry had worked a full day and went to bed slightly more tired than usual but showed no reason for concern. Early the next morning, he went to be with the Lord.

I suffered the typical sorrow and grief spouses endure after losing their beloved life partner. Despite God’s all-sufficient grace, comfort and strength, and the love and help of family and friends, one painful struggle would not leave me. I knew Larry’s days on earth were planned by God long before his birth. I firmly believe God makes no mistakes. But I shed many tears, both inside and out, as I wrestled to understand God’s timing. “Why now?” I often cried.

Larry’s home-going came just weeks before our thirti-eth anniversary. We had struggled twenty of those years to work through baggage we both brought into our marriage. Wounds ran deep in us and in our children. At times the situation seemed impossible. The many happy times we enjoyed were interspersed with days, even weeks, of severe discord between us.

Larry and I both knew Jesus Christ as our Savior, but our walks with Him had been sketchy. Then Larry’s open-heart surgery, eleven years before his death, brought a new awareness of life’s brevity and our need for a consistently close walk with the Lord and each other. God used that close brush with death to begin a mighty work in our mar-riage. He gave us new understanding of marriage principles and roles set forth in the Bible. He enabled us to love and forgive those who had hurt us. He taught us unconditional love and led us into mutual respect and admiration.

In our third decade of marriage, Larry and I became cherished friends, happy lovers and cheerful compan-ions. We finally both desired more than anything to serve and please the Lord, instead of ourselves. We loved every minute we spent together, and joyfully anticipated our semi-retirement serving the Lord together.

Now I cried to God daily to help me understand why He chose this time to take Larry from me. Just when we had learned to enjoy and accept each other, dreams and

plans were snatched away. Larry was in the Lord’s pres-ence, missing nothing on earth, but I felt robbed of our best years to come. It seemed so unfair!

I knew well that Roman 8:28 says God works all things together for good for us who love Him and are called to His purpose. I knew I should “give thanks in everything” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) but I couldn’t help crying, “Why now, Lord?”

One morning the familiar words of Psalm 46:10 struck me like a lighting bolt: “Be still and know that I am God.” I suddenly realized my agony over God’s timing of Larry’s death exposed a lack of faith in His love, failure to submit to His sovereign plan, and pride in thinking my/our plan could possibly be better than His. Now I cried tears of humble confession and repentance. How could I have been so blind, arrogant and self-absorbed?

Almost immediately a miracle began to happen. Instead of crying about years lost, I found myself thanking God for His love that enabled Larry and me to work through our problems and enjoy several years of loving peace, happi-ness and joy together in the Lord before he died.

Larry’s been gone close to eight years now. He had touched many lives for the Lord before he died. Every look back brings more thanks for precious memories I will always have and appreciate.

In answer to my question, “Why now?” the Lord has given me several ministry “assignments” so far during my widowhood, none of which would have been possible with Larry still here.

Today some trials still seem to go on too long, but God reminds me to gratefully submit to His sovereignty and His always-perfect timing.

— Alice Zuiderveen. Her family has increased to 26 grandchildren and five great-grands with a sixth coming soon.

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After my husband Montel died, a social worker called several times and invited me to a support group for wid-ows. I told him, “I really don’t want to go, and I think I’m doing okay. “

He said, “Usually if people think they are okay, they are.”However, when my mother died two months later, I

started feeling like I might be unraveling—fraying around the edges: I could never predict what simple act or comment might make me fall apart. I decided to try the support group, and met with them every Thursday evening for six weeks.

I probably didn’t say more than eight sentences in all the times I went. Each week the social worker would say to the group, “Well, how was your week?” People would take turns talking, but I would start crying. Don’t ask me why. I would just sit there quietly and weep and weep. I almost felt as though I were in some “safe place” where I didn’t have to act like I had it all together.

In other settings when tears came, I felt sorry for the people around me. They often seemed like they weren’t sure what to do for me. Oh boy! Here she goes again! Should I ignore her tears or say something? Should I put my arms around her? Offer her Kleenex? Should I whisper? Does she need me to bring another casserole over?

In the support group with other widows I could get my tears out and not feel self conscious. I don’t know that I needed answers from anyone, nor did I necessarily want

to talk about anything. I just needed to be able to sit and think and react to my own thoughts without feeling like I had to protect others from my emotions.

After six weeks, I missed one session due to being out of town. The next week I had to work late. Soon I realized I didn’t need that “safe” place anymore.

Looking back, I can see that this group provided an out-let for my emotions until I could once again find my footing on a firm foundation. That foundation being that God is in control and has a plan bigger than what I can see now; I am not a victim: God IS enough and He will see me through.

— Marcia Lindelien. Widowed at age 47, Marcia works as a regional vice president for a home care and hospice com-pany. A vocalist and pianist at her church, she also speaks to women’s groups.

You can’t relate to the

present if you’re still reacting

to the past. Give up self-pitying

grief, selfgenerated grudges,

and self-restricting guilt.

—Source unknown

A Safe Place to Cry

Ministry of tearsShe cries when you are blueRejoices when you’re happy tooThis friend of mine is very dearShe has a ministry of tears.

She has her pain and sorrows tooBut leaves them all and comes to youShowing that she really caresWith her dear ministry of tears.

She comforts everyone she knows And helps a babe in Christ to growPrays with them and calms their fearsThey love her ministry of tears.

I’m sure she’ll have a special placeWhen we see Jesus face to faceHe knows the burden that she bearsGod sees her ministry of tears.

—Gretta Viney

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FRom GoD’S WoRDThat we through patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope (Hebrews 15:4).

To cry is human! Here are some of the people whom the Bible records as weeping. Look up the reference if you want to learn the reason for their tears.

What surprises you about this list? ___________________

We also have three accounts of Jesus weeping.What occasioned His tears?Luke 19:41 __________________________________

John 11:35 ___________________________________

Hagar, Gen 21:16

Abraham, Gen 23:2

Esau, Gen 27:38, 33:4

Jacob, Gen 29:11, 33:4, 37:35

Joseph, Gen 42:24, 43:30, 45:2, 45:15, 46:29, 50:1, 50:17

Jacob’s family, Gen 50:10

Benjamin, Gen 45:14

Israelites, Deut 34:8, Numb 14:1, Judg 21:2, 1 Sam 11:4, 25:1

Naomi, Ruth, Orpah, Ruth 1:9 & 14

Hannah, 1 Sam 1:6-10

King Saul, 1 Sam 24:16

David and his warriors, 1 Sam 30:4

King David, 2 Sam 1:12, 12:22, 15:30, 18:33

Michal’s husband, 2 Sam 3:16

Elisha, 2 Kings 8:11

King Joash, 2 Kings 13:14

King Hezekiah, 2 Kings 20:3

King Josiah, 2 Chronicles 34:27

Priests, Levites, and old men, Ezra 3:12

Israelites after exile, Ezra 3:12, Neh 8:9

Nehemiah, Neh 1:4

Israelites in Persia, Esther 4:3

Job’s friends, Job 2:12

Job, Job 16:16 & 20

Isaiah, Isaiah 22:4

Jeremiah, Jer 9:1

Mothers in Bethlehem, Matt 2:18

Father of a demonized boy, Mk 9:24

Widow of Nain, Lk 7:13

A sinful woman, Lk 7:37-38, 44

Peter, Matt 26:75

Daughters of Jerusalem, Lk 23:27-28

Jesus’ followers, Mk 16:10

Mary Magdalene, John 20:11

Devout men, Acts 8:2

Paul, Acts 20:19 & 31, 2 Cor 2:4, Phil 3:18

Timothy, 2 Tim 1:4

Elders in Ephesian Church, Acts 20:36-38

John the Apostle, Rev 5:4

Hebrews 5:7 & Luke 22:44______________________

Eccl 3:4 acknowledges a time to __________________

How do the following verses describe the experience of weeping?

1 Samuel 30:4 ________________________________

Psalm 6:6-7 __________________________________

Psalm 42:3 ___________________________________

List results of tears according to these verses:

Psalm 126:5-6 ________________________________

Matt 5:4 _____________________________________

Luke 6:21 ___________________________________ Luke 7:44-48 _________________________________

John 16:20 ___________________________________

Romans 12:15 ________________________________

James 4:9-10 _________________________________

How does God respond to our tears?

Psalm 6:8-9 __________________________________

Psalm 56:8 ___________________________________

Psalm 116:8 __________________________________

Isaiah 25:8-9 _________________________________

Revelation 7:17 _______________________________ Revelation 21:4 _______________________________

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I Can See NowWhat have I learned through my tears? My tears have

been an ongoing release of the most incredible pain I could never have imagined before losing my wonderful husband this past year. I have found through the tears that well up with no apparent reason at times, that I am able to see more clearly.

Part of me would like to hide away somewhere and just die, but I can see hope. I can see a future. I can see Jesus giving of Himself so that I might make it through these days of being alone. He keeps me and allows me to walk through this time without running from tears.

I know the crying has brought an incredible healing in that I am now, ten months later, able to say beyond doubt, that I am so very happy that Jim is walking with the Lord literally now.

—Carol Taylor

Do mEN CRy? Men don’t cry, do they? I can only answer

from my experience, so I will tell you that this man cried and found that it was not abnormal. As I went through the maze of grief following the death of my wife, crying provided a measure of relief. How blessed I was to be able to do so! This is what I found that tears did for me:

T ruthful with myself, my feelings, and with othersE ffective way for cleansing of distressA ctions of tears can remove sadness of the heartR elief of inward tensionS oothing and healing to a soul If you find a way and a location to cry, crying

will be a powerful healing force. I heartily recom-mend it, as I speak from first-hand knowledge.

— Bill Lake. Bill is Director of Pacific Fields

for Biblical Ministries Worldwide.

Ezekiel the WidowerOne of the most disturbing accounts in all of recorded

Scripture [is Ezekiel 24:15-27]. It is nothing new for God to provide signs of His working. Ezekiel himself has enact-ed many of these signs in the presence of his people and provided the interpretation for their edification.

And it is nothing new for God to require great sacrifice on the part of His prophets. But God now brings a sign which requires the ultimate sacrifice of Ezekiel. As a sign that there is to be no mourning for the loss of life when Jerusalem finally falls, God actually takes the life of Ezekiel’s wife!

The word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, with one blow I am about to take away from you the delight of your eyes. Yet do not lament or weep or shed any tears. Groan quietly; do not mourn for the dead. Keep your turban fastened and your sandals on your feet; do not cover the lower part of your face or eat the customary food of mourners.”

So I spoke to the people in the morning, and in the evening my wife died. The next morning I did as I had been commanded

Then the people asked me, “Won’t you tell us what these things have to do with us?”

So I said to them…This is what the Sovereign Lord says…‘Ezekiel will be a sign to you; you will do just as he has done [when Jerusalem falls]. When this happens you will know that I am the Sovereign Lord’” (Ezekiel 24:15-21,24 NIV).

Certainly it can be said that Ezekiel is being asked to give up no more than what God Himself will give up one day in order to bring a sign to all the world. Perhaps that itself is the very answer: as Creator of the universe God can and does act in ways that confound man. Death undoubtedly has a totally different significance to God than it does to man.

But the immediate mystery is how Ezekiel can seem-ingly take his wife’s death in stride and continue his minis-try. What testimony to any man’s faith this would be!

— F. LaGard Smith. Taken from: The Daily Bible. Copyright@1999 by F. LaGard Smith. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR. Used by permission.

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on TearsIt has been twelve years since my husband Ray passed

away. At first the tears came often and when least expect-ed. Though time heals the heavy heart, there are still occa-sional tears, but I’ve learned to trust my Lord more and accept what I cannot change.

Before Ray died I was very dependent on him. I didn’t drive while raising our five children. As a result Ray and I did everything together. After he went home to heaven, I didn’t know how I would function in this world without him.

The Lord has taught me I can depend on Him for even the smallest worries I face. God’s promises are very pre-cious to me: 1 John 5:14-15, along with Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” I repeated this verse often as I learned to drive at 57 years of age. I knew I could come to Him for help.

The song, “Does Jesus Care” spoke to me also. Knowing some day that God will wipe away all tears from our eyes (Revelation 21:4) is a great comfort as well. The Lord has met my needs in the past and I know that He will do so until I see Him (and Ray again) in eternity.

—Lynne Rinker

Tears Are a Blessing

I am not a “cry person.” A friend of mine often jokes

that she cries at everything—even supermarket openings! Not me—I don’t like to cry. Emotionally, it makes me feel vulnerable and washed out; physically, a crying episode plays havoc with my sinuses for several days. Yet, I find crying really does cleanse and refresh my spirit.

Therefore, I’ve learned to let the tears come as they will. When this happens, I sense myself drawing nearer to the Lord, and that is most comforting. Where better to nestle than in the arms of Jesus, especially when we are hurting?

In November of 1994, I lost my husband quite unex-pectedly. As friends and family came to offer condolences, I sometimes found I was the one comforting them. Perhaps the shock of the situation prevented my tears from freely flowing during those sad and difficult days.

Even though many years have passed, I continue to be comforted by a precious Scripture one of my friends shared. I like to pass it on to others who have lost a loved one, with the hope that it will comfort them as well. “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book” (Psalm 56:8). Our tears are meaningful to God and they are not unnoticed. Thank you Lord.

The Lord Himself wept following the death of His friend, Lazarus. “When Jesus saw her [Mary] weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also were weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled….Jesus wept” (John 11:33-35). If our Lord shed tears, surely those of us who grieve can accept and welcome the cleansing release of tears. Even if others around us are uncomfortable when we weep, there is purpose in our tears. Thank you Lord.

“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy” (Psalm 126:5).

— Linda Walton York. Linda was married to Bob Walton for nearly six years before he died. She serves in her church as head deaconess, treasurer, and occasion-ally provides special music.

The most difficult part of the death of a

dream was the feeling of loss, and fear

of not knowing if anything would ever

come along to replace the loss. Brokenness and

healing has, by the power of God, produced

unexpected results in my life. Strange how the

pain of brokenness can miraculously bring about

fullness and a tenacity of power and resources

unknown previously.

—James B. Scott

sailing HoMe

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I received a small blue mirror plaque as a high school graduation gift from my pastor and his wife. It displayed the verse, “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5). For years it hung in our bedroom and many times I took comfort in its message.

When David’s baby became sick and died, his servants couldn’t

understand his response. I don’t remember when I really looked at the first part

of that verse, which says: “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have.” The Amplified Bible has, “Be satisfied with your present cir-cumstances and with what you have because God, Himself, has said, I will not in any way fail you, nor forsake you.”

When Job heard the devastating news that his sons and daughters had all been killed in a wind storm, he

Never Forsaken

I’m standing upon the seashore. A ship nearby spreads its white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. The ship is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch it until at length it hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and the sky come together. Someone at my side says, “There--it’s gone!”

Gone? Where? Gone from my sight; that is all. The ship is just as large and real as it was when it left my side and it is just as able to bear its load of living

grieved their deaths and worshipped God and said, “Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21).

When David’s baby became sick and died, his servants couldn’t understand his response. They asked him, “What thing is this that thou hast done? Thou didst fast and weep for the child, while it was alive; but when the child was dead, thou didst rise and eat bread” (2 Samuel 12:21). David explained to his servants, “While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live? But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me” (2 Samuel 12:22, 23).

These verses gave me the encouragement and instruc-tion I needed after the home-going of my husband of nearly forty-seven years. There were tears, yes, but they were not tears of desperation or hopelessness. I found that as the Lord was with Job in his great loss and David in his loss, He also was with me, exactly as He promised.

—Shirley Weaver

freight to its destined port. The boat’s diminished sight is in me, not in the boat.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says, “There, he’s gone!”—there are other eyes watch-ing him coming and other voices take up the glad shout, “Here he comes!”

And that is what dying is like for the believer!

—Source unknown

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Not long ago a bereaved friend sat down next to me and said, “I thought I’d be over it by now.”

I asked him, “How long has it been?” “Two months” he replied, a tear welling up in his eye.

“I thought I was pretty strong. But I guess I’m not.”As chaplain in a hospital I see a lot of tears. And I

hear a lot of silly statements about them too. “Tears are a sign of weakness.” “Big boys don’t cry.” “Christians really shouldn’t grieve.” Yet if these statements are true, then Jesus failed on every one of them, because “Jesus wept.” He wept over the unbelief of the city of Jerusalem. He wept at the tomb of Lazarus. And He wept in Gethsemane (Hebrews 5:7). Some of Jesus’ followers failed too, because they wept as well. In fact, when Stephen was martyred, some “devout men…made loud lamentation” over his death (Acts 8:2). Did you catch that? Devout men!

Some may feel like it’s okay for women to shed tears. But men? No way! Yet, interestingly, I think it could be easily substantiated that the vast majority of people described in the Bible as crying were not women, but men! One thinks of Jeremiah, of whom it could be said that “he wept, and he wept.”

Scriptures seem to indicate that far from shaming us when we cry, in some sense God Himself is moved by our tears. When Hezekiah prayed for his life to be extended, the Lord said, “I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears” (2 Kings 20:5). The psalmist said, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” (Psalm 56:8).

Maybe we’ve got it backwards. Maybe tears are actu-ally a sign of strength. A sign that we’re not too proud to be seen as “weak” by our peers. A sign that we have been impacted more by Jesus than by the stoics. A sign that we actually care. That the people we’re weeping over really mean something to us. When Jesus wept at Lazarus’ tomb, those looking on didn’t interpret his tears as a sign of weakness, but of love.

For sure, tears are not the last word. When David and his men discovered that their loved ones had been deported against their will, he “strengthened himself in the Lord his God” (1 Samuel 30:6) and made plans to rescue

them. But not until they had “wept until they had no more strength to weep” (v. 4).

My friend who had lost his loved one? I told him I’d be concerned if he was not shedding any tears.

—Rick Rood. Rick has been a hospital chaplain for over twelve years. He was his wife Polly’s care-giver for nineteen years before she went to be with the Lord. He has two children and three grandsons.

What Tears Teach

TEARSGod keeps a record of my tears—The foolish things for which I criedIn time long past! And on one pageThe Scrivener’s ink has scarcely dried. What selfish tears for lost delights!What grief for doors shut in my face!Now, looking back, I learn at last.Their very closing was His grace. So many tears for self alone!I grieved for loved ones gone aheadTo dwell with God; but are not theseMost senseless of all tears we shed? Here, bitter drops I oft times weptWhen wayward paths I chose to roam;My heart is touched, recalling howMy Father met me coming home! If tears are very essence ofThe heart and soul, dear Lord, I prayHelp me to watch with utmost careThe kind of tears I shed today. —Martha Snell Nicolson

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SPRING 2009 - VOLUME 17 - NUMBER 2

Chera (Ker-ah) Fellowship is a quarterly publication of IFCA International.Chera is the Greek word translated widow in the New Testament.

Carol Gregory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Founder

Miriam Lofquist. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Editor

Marcia Hornok . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Managing Editor

Nila Rae Phelps . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Editor Emeritus

Jim Connelly Studio . . . . . . . . . . . . Design and Layout

Email articles (to 900 words) and poems to Marcia Hornok at [email protected] or mail to 2451 Surrey Road, Salt Lake City, UT 84118. Please include your phone number.

Rates: Gift Subscription: $10.00 (4 issues). Go to www.ifca.org/cfsubscribe. Discounts for bulk orders. We encourage the distribution of CF in churches, senior centers, retirement homes, care facilities, mortuaries, and hospitals.

Chera Fellowship – IFCA InternationalPO Box 810Grandville, MI 49468Call (616) 531-1840Back issues at www.ifca.org/cfarchive

Widows and widowers receive CF free of charge for one year when they request it. We can do this because of donations (tax deductible) sent to IFCA International specifically for CF.

Thank you for participating in this ministry to people who have lost their mate.

What do you think will happen to you after you die?The typical answer to this question is, “I hope I’ve

lived a good enough life to go to heaven.”It feels right that we have to DO something in order

to achieve heaven when we die. After all, that’s how the economy supposedly works: our efforts on earth get rewarded; we get what we pay for, no free ride, etc.

But Jesus told a story that shatters this concept. He said that a Pharisee and a publican (tax collector) went to the temple to pray. The Pharisee started telling God how good he was compared to other people (especially tax col-lectors) but Jesus said he “prayed with himself.”

The tax collector, on the other hand, felt no worth before God. He would not even look up. He kept striking his chest and saying, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.” Jesus concluded the story by saying that the tax collector, not the Pharisee, went home justified (right with God).

Why? Pharisees were the most respected members of soci-ety in First Century Judea, while tax collectors were despised. God didn’t see it that way. The Pharisee used the wrong stan-dard of comparison—other people, while the tax collector looked at God’s standard and knew he could never make it.

Jesus said the Pharisee “trusted in Himself that he was righteous.” In contrast, the tax collector entrusted himself to God and received the mercy he requested.

God’s economy is opposite from ours. He accepts sin-ners who ask for mercy not good people who try to impress Him with their achievements. Romans 3:22 says that righ-teousness “is through faith in Jesus Christ to all and on all who believe” (see also Philippians 3:9). The righteousness we need to be right with God comes by believing in (trust-ing) Christ by faith, not by working to impress God. Either we trust in what we can do, or in what Jesus has done for us.

Are you like the publican or the Pharisee? Have you received God’s mercy and been justified, or are you still trusting in yourself?

—Marcia Hornok, based on Luke 18:9-14

Which Are you?

Documents

Tears Are A Language