Ten Ways to Like Yourself Better

8/18/2019 Ten Ways to Like Yourself Better

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Ten Ways to Like Yourself Better You can learn to like yourself, aws and all, with these 10 tips

If you were to be totally honest, would you say that you really and truly like

yourself? Or are you constantly performing makeovers on yourappearance, personality , and abilities? hen you look in the mirror, do you see theimperfections in your skin and hair and wish you could make them go away? !o youdo the same thing with your personality? "very time you worry instead of rela#before an upcoming social event, do you want to kick yourself for being so an#ious?

It$s all too easy to become a mental makeover fanatic, especially when realityshows are doing %ust that to everything from fashion victims to outdated houses& ecan get to the point where you only see yourself not as you truly are, but as we wishyou could be& 'o rephrase this (uote from the fated Ophelia from )amlet, *we knowwhat we are, but know not what we may be+ *we know what we are, and we wishwe weren$t this way&

'he basis for a positive sense of self-esteem is that you accept yourself as you are,not as you *may be& 'his doesn$t mean that you$re never self-critical or that youshould never change no matter what, but that you$re able to live with your awsand your way of perhaps making yourself a bit less so&

'he idea of self-acceptance is gaining ground in the psychological literature as animportant contributor to such positive mental states as peace of mind, greater self-understanding , and the ability to empathi.e with others& /arl ogers wrote back inthe 1 20s and 30s about the (uality of unconditional positive regard and itsimportance in personality development& 4ccording to ogers, when parents place*conditions of worth on their young children, they cause their tiny o5spring to grow

up to be self-doubters and critics& If you feel that your parents will love you onlywhen you perform up to their standards, you$ll develop an inner voice thatconstantly compares you to how you *should be&

In fact, a number of psychologists writing from several vantage points discuss,similarly, the importance of being able to view yourself without feelingundue an#iety about where you may be falling short of some unrealistic ideal self&/urrently, psychologists are translating these theories into measure of self-acceptance that make it possible to see %ust how hard you tend to come down onyourself&

6efore getting to this measure, and some of the research that backs it up, a word of

caution& If you get down on yourself for getting down on yourself, you$llparado#ically only make things worse& 7eeing how self-accepting you are, or arenot, can be a liberating process if you look for guideposts along the way that allowyou to shake o5 those inner, critical voices&

8ouisiana 'ech 9niversity psychologists :;ler 6oyra. and 6randon aits tested theidea that *individuals with high levels of self-acceptance may be less likely to focusand ruminate on negative aspects of the self and more likely to engage in

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/personalityhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/self-esteemhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/empathyhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/parentinghttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/relationshipshttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/anxietyhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/personalityhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/self-esteemhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/empathyhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/parentinghttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/relationshipshttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/anxiety


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intellectual self-focus & In other words, if you accept yourself, you$ll be lesslikely to mull over your failings and more likely to see yourself in a realistic light& Youdon$t become completely oblivious to your shortcomings, but you$re less likely toview them as fatal aws&

'o test this idea, 6oyra. and aits conducted a two-part study in which, at 'ime 1,they measured the tendency of their undergraduate participants to think about, and worry about , their behavior and then related these tochanges at 'ime in the (ualities of self-acceptance and empathy& 4s theyhypothesi.ed, people who re ected on their behavior hadhigher levels of self-acceptance@ self-acceptance, in turn, also predicted higherlevels of re ection& 7urprisingly, the ruminators tended to be more empathic thanthe authors e#pected& It$s possible that the more you ponder your ownshortcomings, the more likely you$ll be able to forgive those in others&

eturning to the idea of self-acceptance, then, the 6oyra. and aits study suggeststhat taking in stride your positive and negative (ualities can be beneAcial tomental health and your peace of mind& Bow let$s e#amine those 10 ways you canbecome a self-liker rather than a self-critic+

1& Don’t be afraid to confront your failings. 'he 6oyra. and aits studyshowed that being able to think about your weaknesses doesn$t condemn youto a life of self-hatred&

& Step back and enjoy your accomplishments. hen you$ve donesomething well, don$t be afraid to admit that you succeeded& It doesn$t haveto be something earth-shattering& )aving cooked a good meal, eat it withpleasure and allow any compliments from those you cooked for to sink in&

C& Learn to look at the things you like about yourself in the mirror. 7ure,your makeup isn$t perfect and that rash on your chin makes it look a little red&

hat about the great %ob you did on your hair? If all else fails, And a mirrorwith better lighting than the bright uorescents provided in your oDcelavatory&

E& o on a date !ith yourself. 7pend some time alone devoted to thinkingabout your e#periences while on the *date& "n%oy a movie, a show orconcert, or a meal at your favorite restaurant while you spend time re ectingon what$s going on around you& You can even laugh at your own %okes&

2& Stri"e to be a better person# but don’t e$pect changes to happen allat once. You might be completely unhappy with your weight and can$t standthe thought that the pounds aren$t melting o5 faster& :ive yourself a realistictimeline and measure yourself against smaller, achievable goals &

3& Spend a !eekend day or an e"ening !ithout !orrying about ho! youlook. 'ry a makeup-free 7unday or a grubby t-shirt 'uesday night& 7ee whatit$s like to be yourself without being concerned about impressing anyone else&

F& Think about the past# but don’t let yourself be o"er!helmed !ithregret. You wish like anything that you could turn back the clock and not

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said the hurtful thing you said to your friend& Once those words are uttered,they can$t be unsaid& )owever, you may have learned something usefulabout yourself in the process and you certainly can make every e5ort toapologi.e&

=& %nderstand that no one is perfect. hen you$re in low self-acceptancemode, you believe that everyone is better than you& It$s possible that othersare better than you in certain ways, but that doesn$t mean you$re any less ofa person yourself& Instead of comparing yourself negatively, accept that fact,and then see if you can learn from them&

& &njoy your personality# foibles and all & 7o you$re a little bit toometiculous and want everything to be perfect& hen things don$t work out asyou wished and you start to berate your weaknesses, stop and do a realitycheck& 7o you spilled co5ee all over your brand-new tablecloth& Oh well,maybe you$re a bit clumsy& 'hat doesn$t mean you$re a worthless individual&

10&Like 'most( of yourself as much as you can. You$re may not reach 100Gself-satisfaction, but maybe you can get to F2 or =0G& In the measure of self-acceptance that the 8ouisiana 'ech team used, getting high scores meantsaying you were happy with *most of your personality traits&

'he more you can accept yourself, the more you$ll be able to look realistically atyour e#periences& "ven if they don$t meet your high e#pectations, accepting boththe good and the bad about you and your abilities can only contribute to your long-term feelings of fulAllment&

)ollo! me on T!itter *s!hitbo for daily updates on psychology# health#and aging . )eel free to join my )acebook group# + )ul,llment at -ny -ge #+to discuss today s blog# or to ask further /uestions about this posting.

/opyright 7usan Hrauss hitbourne 013

eferences

6oyra., :&, aits, J& 6& < 012>& eciprocal associations among self-focusedattention, self-acceptance, and empathy+ 4 two-wave panel study& Kersonality 4ndIndividual !i5erences, FE=E-= & doi+10&1013L%&paid& 01E&0 &0E
https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/teamworkhttps://twitter.com/swhitbohttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/aginghttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/social-networkinghttps://www.facebook.com/groups/291980054177391/https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/teamworkhttps://twitter.com/swhitbohttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/aginghttps://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/social-networkinghttps://www.facebook.com/groups/291980054177391/

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Ten Ways to Like Yourself Better