Thanks to Brieanna

A visual narrative by Jamie Baker

5/4/2012

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ecember 31, 2006 was a pivotal day in the life of Jamie Baker. Finding out that I was pregnant was not the joyous news that it was supposed to be. In reality

though, I had never had any dreams of being pregnant or of having children at all. So the fact that I was “upset” when I learned that I was going to have a baby is not that particularly surprising. In addition to that, I was 24 years old and just starting to straighten my life out. I had been in and out of college since I was 18, but I had been too busy partying to pass many of my classes. Now I was in school and making good grades and working full time. I did not have time for a baby. Thankfully, my fiancé, Dan, was happy enough for the both of us and his excitement was enough to carry me though a lot of the pregnancy.

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The first time I remember feeling true happiness while being pregnant was April 26, 2007. That was the day we went for an ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby. When the technician told us that we were having a girl, I felt tears well up in my eyes, and for the first time, they were not tears of sadness. Even though Dan, like most dads, was secretly hoping for boy, he was pleased to see me excited for the first time.

The next five months however, were torture. I was not one of those beautiful, glowing pregnant women. I was fat and swollen, I hobbled along because of a dislocated join in my back, I had the dreaded “outie” belly button the was visible through every shirt I wore and I suffered from major lack of sleep due to my overwhelming anxiety about the health of the child growing inside of me. Even worse, I was extremely worried about how my life would change when she was no longer securely in my womb, but out in the open, cruel world. People describe

“Hello!” from baby Brie.

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pregnancy as being “uncomfortable;” I prefer to describe it as “agony.” And yet, I would have gladly endured it forever if it meant I didn’t have to actually give birth and take care of a real, live person.

Well, the due date of August 30, 2007 came and went. And let me tell you, even though your doctor tells you the due date is just an estimate, you have it in your head that you will have a baby by that day and when that day comes and goes with no baby, it’s a bit of a let-down. And of course, there are the constant reminders. When you’re that pregnant, everyone loves to ask, “When is the baby due?” It was actually kind of funny to see their faces when I would reply, “Oh, yesterday. Should be any second now!” Since I was passed my due date, I was scheduled to be induced on September 4th. The hospital called me that evening and told me they had room, so I called my husband at work, and we headed out to have our baby.

Interestingly, I think this may be a picture of me on my wedding day. If it’s not, this is the exact outfit I wore when I got married (seriously). I personally find it to be a nice example of how “blech” I looked and felt throughout pretty much my entire pregnancy.

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Being the paranoid person that I am, I had not wanted to have an epidural. But at 9am in the morning, after I had been in labor for approximately 9 hours, the nurses informed me that it would be at least another 6-8 to hours before my baby was delivered. I decided to get the epidural. After that, I pretty much slept (it had literally been over 48 hours since I had managed to get any sleep) and waited. Finally, at 9:46pm on the 5th of September 2007, Brieanna Honey Baker was born.

I know it sounds cliché, but as soon as I held my daughter, any anxieties I had about being a mom disappeared. All I wanted to do was hold my baby. Again, I apologize for the clichés, but she was the most amazing, precious, fragile thing I had seen in my entire life. Dan and I fell in love with her immediately and she has had us wrapped around her (no longer wrinkled) finger ever since.

I loved her despite her incredibly wrinkly hands.

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Brieanna is 4 ½ years old now. She goes to pre-school and does ballet. She just started swimming lessons. She is by far the funniest person I have met in my entire life; no one has ever made me laugh as often as she does, which means she has brought more joy to my life than I ever could have imagined. She is as stubborn as her mamma and as adventurous as her daddy. It’s amazing to watch her grow and learn every day.

Daddy’s girl! You may notice the Oakland Raiders theme in this picture. Dan has been brainwashing our daughter since the day she was born to be a Raiders fan. Unfortunately, his plan has worked and Brieanna frequently embarrasses me out in public by yelling, “Boo Broncos! I love the Raiders!” whenever she sees a Broncos logo.

Brieanna has big, stunning green eyes, just like her dad…and she knows it! But she also has the brightest spirit and the happiest soul, making her the most beautiful person I’ve ever known.

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And while some days are better than others, I still harbor loads of anxiety about her. When she was a baby I worried that she wasn’t eating enough. Every night before I go to sleep, I still check to make sure that she is safe and sound in her bed (yes, I wait until I see and hear her breathing before I’m satisfied). If I wake up in the middle of the night, I’ll check on her again. As much of a freak as I am about worrying about her health, she rarely goes to the doctor. Thankfully, she is a surprisingly healthy child. And Dan helps to even me out. He knows that I overreact, so he always takes a more low-key approach. I know that everyone is concerned for their child’s health; all any parent wants is for their child to be healthy and happy. But for some reason I’m constantly on the look-out for any sign that something may be wrong, over analyzing every sneeze, snicker and snort. But I get by. We get by. All of us have our little bit of crazy and as a family we learn to deal with each other’s “weirdness.” I used to have panic attacks and be a quite the little hypochondriac; now I just worry about my daughter. I’m much happier to be worried about her than to be worried about myself. I’m just much happier to be with her than to be without her.