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4TH SECTION

MODERN EDUCÁRE

‘Educáre’; to bring up, to train, to teach. Latin for education.Helping students and readers prepare for life after university

through practical wisdom on how to do life well, inspired by old school morals.

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01. Pick your fights

Say you are in an important meeting. The majority is moving towards deciding on Direction A. Then someone else, let’s call him Dan, pops up and suggests Direction B. He is in the minority, which as much as we all say we respect minorities, most people like to be with the group. With enough gravitas Dan’s minority disadvantage is surmountable. Except that Dan was in the minority last week. And the week before that. And both times the decision went against him. Basically, Dan has established that he is disagreeable, and has been judged by his peers to be consistently wrong. His consistent public defeat is “social proof” and it is very powerful. Does this mean Dan is actually wrong? Who knows. But what matters is that Dan’s pattern of behaviour has diminished his influence. Dan has been tactless. He should have “picked his fights.”

02.Pick them off, don’t take them on all at once

But isn’t this a prescription for appeasement? Maybe Dan was absolutely right, and these were important issues that he couldn’t afford to trade away. It just wasn’t possible to be tactful. Or was it? One thing I learnt very quickly from working in China was that the real business is done before the meeting. At the risk of extreme generalisation, Chinese culture places a premium on maintaining face, or dignity and this can be a good reason to avoid conflict in certain types of meeting. But even in Western cultures it is a valuable consideration, because it’s often easier to resolve a contentious issue outside a group meeting, by persuading people one at a time. Dan could have done this before the meeting. It may not be the dramatic way to make your point, but it’s far more tactful. It’s far less socially risky for an individual to agree with “Dissenter Dan” in a 1-on-1 scenario, rather than in the public setting of the meeting. By persuading someone outside the meeting, Dan would also remove the context of a previous defeat. But couldn’t the individuals Dan persuades renege when it comes to the actual meeting? Possibly, but after you’ve agreed with a position it’s difficult to back-pedal, because of another powerful psychological pressure: consistency. And if Dan does 1-on-1s with everyone prior to the meeting, and he finds a champion (i.e. a popular person normally with the majority) to open with a comment on his side, then there’s a good chance the others will feel confident enough to fall in behind.

THE ART OF BEING TACTFUL Writer Hamish Forsyth

Hamish Forsyth is a dual UK-New Zealand citizen who spends significant time in the US. A former lawyer, NZ diplomat and founder of several non-profit initiatives, Hamish was a senior adviser in the UK Prime Minister’s Strategy Unit before leaving to work on startup OneLeap (co-founded with Robyn Scott, who he met as a Gates Scholar at Cambridge).

“You’ve made it into the Diplomatic Service? But you’re the most undiplomatic person I know!” So said a friend upon hearing my happy news.That was some years ago, and I’ve since changed career - quite dramatically. I’m now a founder of a tech startup (OneLeap.com) that is changing the way great ideas get in front of the people who make them happen. However tact, albeit in a different form, is more important that ever. I still remember my friend’s amusing comment: while no one would describe me as gauche, it’s true that I have a natural propensity to ‘debate’. Everything. (it’s here I admit I spent most of University travelling around world debating tournaments and I’m a non-practicing barrister). I had to learn to be tactful. So I write on tact not as its natural master (that’s my co-founder, Robyn Scott) but as living proof that even someone with the most argumentative disposition can master sufficient tact. Which means you can too.I’m going to share six key pointers that will put you on your way to being a skillful “tactician” But before I do, I should probably explain why you should care.Tact matters in every career. Certainly tact was valuable in diplomacy - whether negotiating a treaty in Beijing, or at the World Trade Organisation in Geneva. But it was also valuable when I switched stripes to work as an adviser in the UK Prime Minister’s Strategy Unit. And it’s been invaluable in raising investment, and assembling a board, and convincing people to come and work for OneLeap. The thing that’s different is what is considered to be tactful, and how much tact versus directness is desirable. The following tips are designed to be broadly applicable.Have you ever wondered why the most successful people in the world are often very different to those who succeed in school? Success in life is at least on some level getting what you want. Arguments may be won in logical terms, but people are persuaded by social and emotional cues. At university you write an essay and the power of your ideas is abstracted from the means of their delivery. But in the working world your ideas and their deliverer - you - are inseparable.Let’s take a simple example, one that as an argumentative type I need to be especially mindful of.

90 91 05.It’s about you, stupid

Often when I read written pitches (say someone sends me an email asking if they can do coffee to discuss partnering with us) they go straight in with their idea and don’t say anything about themselves. They miss the point. Remember, it’s the deliverer, as much as the delivery. At OneLeap (www.oneleap.to) we’ve created the ultimate opportunity to pitch some very important people with your ideas or your talent and get their help, career advice or even discover a backer. Because you have to pay a fee on OneLeap in order to send your pitch, people really think about what they write. The fee makes people think. They think more about the recipients’ interests. And they think carefully about what it is in their background that might be of interest to the recipient. That’s tact, and it works.

06.But not too much about you (a.k.a. ‘the ego equilibrium’)

Some people get the personal part - too much - so they open with a barrage of CV highlights. Sometimes this works, but a lot of people consider this an affront. Contrary to popular English folk-lore, even in America where I spend a lot of time, a national preference for directness doesn’t mean people care any less about their egos. True, you may be able to tell an American five

awesome things about you without being considered obnoxious. But, and here’s the but, you then need to encourage them to do the same or you need to tell them some great things about them. Now in the UK, you probably don’t have to listen to the other person tell you five awesome things about them to move forward - but then you’d better not tell them five awesome things about you. The underlying principle is broadly cross-cultural: everyone has an ego, and whether its a culture of “lots of strokes” or “just a few subtle ones” a comfortable interaction depends on a balance between the parties to any conversation. Remember the “ego equilibrium.” Of course, if you’re trying to persuade someone, you might want that balance to be in their favour. That way the rule of reciprocity will eventually swing into force, and they’ll take a closer or more genial interest in you. So how do you do it? Well finding a point of commonality is a great start. That way, the person you’re dealing with with feel some sort of connection. Which means they’ll probably open up more. Before you know it, they’re talking about themselves and you’re asking questions and everyone is happy.

What next?

There are plenty of points we could continue with, but the underlying point is to take - and show - a genuine interest in people. Of course there are tactful people without substance, ethics or backbone. And some industries do attract a disproportionately high number of such people. Ignore them. But there are also people who deploy tact in a good way by taking and displaying a genuine interest. Watch them and do what they do. The “show” is very important. Perhaps you already do take a genuine interest in people but feel you don’t get the social credit you deserve. The question to ask yourself is do people see your interest and good intent. Does your shyness get in the way of asking the questions which would show your interest in someone? Or does your insecurity compel you to blurt out ten credibility establishing facts about you that makes others think you’re a solipsist? As with all skills, tact can be learnt, and with a good amount of self-reflection and the study of others, it is something anyone can master.

03.Build coalitions

Last thought for Dan: if he can in some way tie his cause to his target’s benefit, that will always carry the day. A simple quid pro quo (if you’ll support me on this, I’ll support you on that) might be a bit crude and could even be perceived as unethical. His target might even think Dan’s support (if he’d already been poisoned) might be unhelpful. However, getting his target to reframe the proposal as advancing her interests might be far more successful.

04.Be complimentary

This is an obvious one. I once spent a day at a negotiating table explaining why a certain country’s position was untenable. It didn’t make sense. My opposite number’s position was as close as you get to objectively unsustainable. He probably knew that, but I couldn’t compel him to comply with my wishes. In an international setting you can’t (or very seldom can) turn around and sue the other side even if they’re wrong. They can just say no. And unless its excruciatingly embarrassing for them you, or you’re America, you can’t do much about it. The only way forward is to win them over. So we both left frustrated. But then I took him and some colleagues out to dinner. I said lots of nice things about him. They were true. He smiled. At the next meeting things went much better. Simple stuff, but do not underestimate it.