THEPARENTLINK

January 2013 FOR PARENTS OF TEENS

TIPS >>> PONDER THIS

BREAK THE TEXTING TRANCE

The all-time least-predictable trend in teenage culture, according to Group maga-

zine editor Rick Lawrence, has to be texting. “Ten years ago,” he asks, “who

would’ve bet that kids’ primary mode of communication would involve typing on

tiny typewriters?”

The average teenager now sends or receives more than 3,300 texts every month,

and it’s impossible for this repetitive behavior to be impact-neutral in the way

kids are wired. Some experts insist texting is “dumbing down” young people,

turning them into addicts who can’t handle boredom. Meanwhile, others claim it

boosts their social skills and provides a sense of belonging.

One clear impact of texting is a decline in face-to-face conversations. A USA

Today article noted that oral conversations have now become “as uncomfortable

as braces.” Yet when kids were asked which method of communication they’d

miss most, a majority answered “meeting in person.” Digital communication may

seem easier for today’s teenagers, but few would choose to do away with face-to-

face talks.

That’s where parents fit in. First, consider how technology has changed your in-

teractions with your kids. Then brainstorm ways to regain some “face time” with

them. Kids crave interaction but may not always admit it—or have the skills to

initiate conversations. So put down the phone and start talking!

THE VIEW

63% of teens text on a daily

basis. By comparison, 39%

make a cell-phone call, 35%

socialize face to face outside of

school, 29% do social-network

messaging, 22% do instant

messaging, 19% talk on land

lines, and only 6% use e-mail.

An estimated 23% of kids ages

12 to 17 now have their own

smartphone.

—Pew Research Center

57% of teenagers say they’d

be a lot more stressed if they

were forced to spend a day

away from their computer,

cell phone, and TV.

—Euro RSCG Worldwide

Jonathan McKee, president of The

Source for Youth Ministry, offers

these tips for avoiding a “thumb

war” with texting teens:

Teach teenagers proper stew-

ardship of their cell phones.

Owning a phone is a privilege, not

a promise. But parents can do a lot

to ensure that kids use phones ap-

propriately. Model responsible use

on the home front to teach proper

device management.

Monitor kids’ cell phone use.

Many parents monitor computer

usage but neglect to check in on

their kids’ smartphones, which

have web access. Be upfront about

your checking, telling kids what

you plan to do and why. And don’t

overreact if you find something

you don’t like. That will only de-

stroy the trust you’re trying to

build and maintain.

Declare phone-free zones. This is

like a “no-fly zone” for iPhones. It

will vary from family to family,

but a good place to start is during

meals, throughout homework ses-

sions, and in the bedroom after a

certain time. We don’t need to let

trivial text messages interrupt truly

important moments. After you

come to a mutual agreement, stick

to it—parents included!

Encourage teenagers to react to

misuse quickly and responsibly.

Be proactive in helping kids deal

with abusive or inappropriate

texts. Establish a game plan ASAP

so they know what to do before

anything happens.

How has technology affected

your communication preferences

and, in turn, your relationships?

What type of “technology fast”

might benefit you and your kids?

How can you all strive to make

your communications more per-

sonal?

In A Parent’s Guide to Social Media, Mark Oestreicher and Adam McClane, two of America’s leading experts on teen culture, describe how the fast-changing world of social media is influ-encing kids.

BIBLE FOCUS

May the words of my mouth and the medi-tation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19:14, NIV

Brick by brick, this generation of kids

is building a wall around themselves.

Before you can even call them “grown

ups,” they’ve shut the world in, when

they believe they’re shutting it out.

That’s why there’s something disarm-

ing about looking someone in the eye,

especially someone who offers truth.

Getting teenagers to look you in the eye is

an incredibly powerful tool. It’s one of the

best ways to diffuse a difficult situation

and change its direction to positive and

Christ-focused.

Making this happen may require moving

beyond comfort zones. Ask teenagers

bluntly to look you in the eye. Don’t feel

foolish; just follow their gaze until you

connect. Take the time to ask young

people how they’re feeling inside. If

you’ve taken them aside due to discipline,

ask what was going on. Then, as you’re

looking at each other, tell them what God

thinks of them and what you like about

them. Spend this precious time breaking

through with words of life and love. This

simple act can take minutes yet soften the

hardest of hearts. As you look kids in the

eye, something happens to you also. God

reminds you of the purposes he has for

you, too. I’ve often been reduced to a pile of jelly

just by making eye contact during a tough

conversation. For as you speak truth, kids

feel safe. I’ve watched tears come from the

toughest of kids. These are the instances

when I’ve gained insight into young lives.

The eyes truly are the windows to the soul.

Always approach without force or pre-

tense. Come with tenderness and love, as

you look each other in the eye. Allow kids

to see you also. They can see your true

compassion and will ask hard questions.

You’ll want to answer them. Those mo-

ments when we really make a connection

are moments of victory. Isn’t that what

each of us is looking for?

—Group magazine

The Power of Eye Contact Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers

By Leneita Fix

RESOURCE

MEDIA SPOTLIGHT

MAINSTREAM MUSIC

KE$HA

Background: Ke$ha, 25, was dis-

covered at age 18, but it was her 2009

contribution to Flo Rida’s “Right

Round” song that vaulted her to star-

dom. She’s since sold 3 million al-

bums and 30 million singles. Ke$ha

is all about the party lifestyle. She

reverses convention by objectifying

men. Many songs celebrate drinking

to excess, one-night stands, and pride

in being sleazy. Ke$ha’s do-what-

feels-good philosophy is a horrible

example to impressionable girls.

Albums: Warrior (2012), Animal

(2010)

What Ke$ha Says: “The first record

was a celebration of partying and

being young, but this record’s a better

look at my personality. … I drink like

a champion. But I can also do other

stuff. I have a sense of humor about

my lyrics. I’m not a train wreck; I’m

just having fun. … I did some soul-

searching and realized nothing I’m

doing is negative; it’s actually super

positive.”

Explore: Ke$ha’s entire catalog is

available on Spotify. And her eye-

opening videos are on YouTube.

CHRISTIAN MUSIC

CAPITAL KINGS

Background: This electronic-pop

duo has been creating buzz for the

last six months, with their first EP

release in September and a big en-

dorsement from TobyMac. They

combine pop, rock, electronic dance,

and rap into a head-nodding mix,

but every song exudes their faith.

The first single, “You’ll Never Be

Alone,” is from Jesus’ viewpoint,

offering reassurance. “Born to

Love” features Britt Nicole, and

other guests include TobyMac and a

member of Family Force 5. This

band should be very big with teen-

agers.

Albums: Capital Kings (2012)

What Capital Kings Says: As far

as we can find, the duo haven’t giv-

en interviews yet, but TobyMac

says, “It’s not every day I get to

introduce Christian music fans to a

group that exceeds all expectations,

but that’s exactly what Capital

Kings is doing.”

Explore: The duo’s debut album is

available on Spotify.

MOVIES

Movie: A Haunted House

Genre: Comedy, Horror, Thriller

Rating: R (for crude and sexual

content, language, and some drug

use)

Synopsis: This spoof of the Para-

normal Activity films finds a newly-

wed couple moving into a haunted

house, where strange things start

happening.

Our Take: This film is by the same

people who created the super-crude

Scary Movie franchise. Everything

is over-the-top, with lots of sexual

jokes. Please don’t let your kids see

this one.

Movie: Hansel & Gretel: Witch

Hunters

Genre: Action, Comedy, Thriller

Rating: PG-13 (for some violence)

Synopsis: Fifteen years after the

siblings fight their way out of the

witch’s oven, they decide to start

taking on all witches as bounty

hunters.

Our Take: Teenagers are sure to

go for this plot. But according to

the trailer, the film has lots of blood

and gore.

For more media discussions and

ideas, visit

www.MinistryandMedia.com.

VIDEO GAMES

Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time—This classic PlayStation franchise is very family friendly—other than the theme of

stealing. But it uses humor, interesting puzzles, cel-shaded graphics, and fun characters to great effect. (Rated E10;

PS3)

DmC: Devil May Cry—This action game is a sort-of reboot of the hit action, hack-and-slash series of the same name.

It’s a weird mish-mash of mythologies, with limbo, devils, angels, demons, Osiris, and lots of violence and nudity.

Believe that M rating. (Rated M; Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

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