THEPARENTLINK
January 2013 FOR PARENTS OF TEENS
TIPS >>> PONDER THIS
BREAK THE TEXTING TRANCE
The all-time least-predictable trend in teenage culture, according to Group maga-
zine editor Rick Lawrence, has to be texting. “Ten years ago,” he asks, “who
would’ve bet that kids’ primary mode of communication would involve typing on
tiny typewriters?”
The average teenager now sends or receives more than 3,300 texts every month,
and it’s impossible for this repetitive behavior to be impact-neutral in the way
kids are wired. Some experts insist texting is “dumbing down” young people,
turning them into addicts who can’t handle boredom. Meanwhile, others claim it
boosts their social skills and provides a sense of belonging.
One clear impact of texting is a decline in face-to-face conversations. A USA
Today article noted that oral conversations have now become “as uncomfortable
as braces.” Yet when kids were asked which method of communication they’d
miss most, a majority answered “meeting in person.” Digital communication may
seem easier for today’s teenagers, but few would choose to do away with face-to-
face talks.
That’s where parents fit in. First, consider how technology has changed your in-
teractions with your kids. Then brainstorm ways to regain some “face time” with
them. Kids crave interaction but may not always admit it—or have the skills to
initiate conversations. So put down the phone and start talking!
THE VIEW
63% of teens text on a daily
basis. By comparison, 39%
make a cell-phone call, 35%
socialize face to face outside of
school, 29% do social-network
messaging, 22% do instant
messaging, 19% talk on land
lines, and only 6% use e-mail.
An estimated 23% of kids ages
12 to 17 now have their own
smartphone.
—Pew Research Center
57% of teenagers say they’d
be a lot more stressed if they
were forced to spend a day
away from their computer,
cell phone, and TV.
—Euro RSCG Worldwide
Jonathan McKee, president of The
Source for Youth Ministry, offers
these tips for avoiding a “thumb
war” with texting teens:
Teach teenagers proper stew-
ardship of their cell phones.
Owning a phone is a privilege, not
a promise. But parents can do a lot
to ensure that kids use phones ap-
propriately. Model responsible use
on the home front to teach proper
device management.
Monitor kids’ cell phone use.
Many parents monitor computer
usage but neglect to check in on
their kids’ smartphones, which
have web access. Be upfront about
your checking, telling kids what
you plan to do and why. And don’t
overreact if you find something
you don’t like. That will only de-
stroy the trust you’re trying to
build and maintain.
Declare phone-free zones. This is
like a “no-fly zone” for iPhones. It
will vary from family to family,
but a good place to start is during
meals, throughout homework ses-
sions, and in the bedroom after a
certain time. We don’t need to let
trivial text messages interrupt truly
important moments. After you
come to a mutual agreement, stick
to it—parents included!
Encourage teenagers to react to
misuse quickly and responsibly.
Be proactive in helping kids deal
with abusive or inappropriate
texts. Establish a game plan ASAP
so they know what to do before
anything happens.
How has technology affected
your communication preferences
and, in turn, your relationships?
What type of “technology fast”
might benefit you and your kids?
How can you all strive to make
your communications more per-
sonal?
In A Parent’s Guide to Social Media, Mark Oestreicher and Adam McClane, two of America’s leading experts on teen culture, describe how the fast-changing world of social media is influ-encing kids.
BIBLE FOCUS
May the words of my mouth and the medi-tation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14, NIV
Brick by brick, this generation of kids
is building a wall around themselves.
Before you can even call them “grown
ups,” they’ve shut the world in, when
they believe they’re shutting it out.
That’s why there’s something disarm-
ing about looking someone in the eye,
especially someone who offers truth.
Getting teenagers to look you in the eye is
an incredibly powerful tool. It’s one of the
best ways to diffuse a difficult situation
and change its direction to positive and
Christ-focused.
Making this happen may require moving
beyond comfort zones. Ask teenagers
bluntly to look you in the eye. Don’t feel
foolish; just follow their gaze until you
connect. Take the time to ask young
people how they’re feeling inside. If
you’ve taken them aside due to discipline,
ask what was going on. Then, as you’re
looking at each other, tell them what God
thinks of them and what you like about
them. Spend this precious time breaking
through with words of life and love. This
simple act can take minutes yet soften the
hardest of hearts. As you look kids in the
eye, something happens to you also. God
reminds you of the purposes he has for
you, too. I’ve often been reduced to a pile of jelly
just by making eye contact during a tough
conversation. For as you speak truth, kids
feel safe. I’ve watched tears come from the
toughest of kids. These are the instances
when I’ve gained insight into young lives.
The eyes truly are the windows to the soul.
Always approach without force or pre-
tense. Come with tenderness and love, as
you look each other in the eye. Allow kids
to see you also. They can see your true
compassion and will ask hard questions.
You’ll want to answer them. Those mo-
ments when we really make a connection
are moments of victory. Isn’t that what
each of us is looking for?
—Group magazine
The Power of Eye Contact Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers
By Leneita Fix
RESOURCE
MEDIA SPOTLIGHT
MAINSTREAM MUSIC
KE$HA
Background: Ke$ha, 25, was dis-
covered at age 18, but it was her 2009
contribution to Flo Rida’s “Right
Round” song that vaulted her to star-
dom. She’s since sold 3 million al-
bums and 30 million singles. Ke$ha
is all about the party lifestyle. She
reverses convention by objectifying
men. Many songs celebrate drinking
to excess, one-night stands, and pride
in being sleazy. Ke$ha’s do-what-
feels-good philosophy is a horrible
example to impressionable girls.
Albums: Warrior (2012), Animal
(2010)
What Ke$ha Says: “The first record
was a celebration of partying and
being young, but this record’s a better
look at my personality. … I drink like
a champion. But I can also do other
stuff. I have a sense of humor about
my lyrics. I’m not a train wreck; I’m
just having fun. … I did some soul-
searching and realized nothing I’m
doing is negative; it’s actually super
positive.”
Explore: Ke$ha’s entire catalog is
available on Spotify. And her eye-
opening videos are on YouTube.
CHRISTIAN MUSIC
CAPITAL KINGS
Background: This electronic-pop
duo has been creating buzz for the
last six months, with their first EP
release in September and a big en-
dorsement from TobyMac. They
combine pop, rock, electronic dance,
and rap into a head-nodding mix,
but every song exudes their faith.
The first single, “You’ll Never Be
Alone,” is from Jesus’ viewpoint,
offering reassurance. “Born to
Love” features Britt Nicole, and
other guests include TobyMac and a
member of Family Force 5. This
band should be very big with teen-
agers.
Albums: Capital Kings (2012)
What Capital Kings Says: As far
as we can find, the duo haven’t giv-
en interviews yet, but TobyMac
says, “It’s not every day I get to
introduce Christian music fans to a
group that exceeds all expectations,
but that’s exactly what Capital
Kings is doing.”
Explore: The duo’s debut album is
available on Spotify.
MOVIES
Movie: A Haunted House
Genre: Comedy, Horror, Thriller
Rating: R (for crude and sexual
content, language, and some drug
use)
Synopsis: This spoof of the Para-
normal Activity films finds a newly-
wed couple moving into a haunted
house, where strange things start
happening.
Our Take: This film is by the same
people who created the super-crude
Scary Movie franchise. Everything
is over-the-top, with lots of sexual
jokes. Please don’t let your kids see
this one.
Movie: Hansel & Gretel: Witch
Hunters
Genre: Action, Comedy, Thriller
Rating: PG-13 (for some violence)
Synopsis: Fifteen years after the
siblings fight their way out of the
witch’s oven, they decide to start
taking on all witches as bounty
hunters.
Our Take: Teenagers are sure to
go for this plot. But according to
the trailer, the film has lots of blood
and gore.
For more media discussions and
ideas, visit
www.MinistryandMedia.com.
VIDEO GAMES
Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time—This classic PlayStation franchise is very family friendly—other than the theme of
stealing. But it uses humor, interesting puzzles, cel-shaded graphics, and fun characters to great effect. (Rated E10;
PS3)
DmC: Devil May Cry—This action game is a sort-of reboot of the hit action, hack-and-slash series of the same name.
It’s a weird mish-mash of mythologies, with limbo, devils, angels, demons, Osiris, and lots of violence and nudity.
Believe that M rating. (Rated M; Xbox 360, PS3, PC)
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