The Complete Edition of Murphy

8/11/2019 The Complete Edition of Murphy

1/97

The Complete Edition of Murphy's Laws

Copyright 1997 by Andreas !t"

# $ltimate Colle%tion & y Topi% & Complete Edition & Murphy's eset"e auf (euts%h )

# A & & C & ( & E & * & & + & , & - & . & L & M & / & 0 & & 2 & 3 & 4 & T & $ & 5 & 6 & & 8 & )

A

Abbott's Admonitions1:,f you ha;e to as


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it was %onstru%ted:

Law of Algebra8ou ne;er %at%h on until after the test:

Algren's re%epts/e;er eat at a pla%e %alled Mom's: /e;er play %ards with a man named (o%: And ne;er lie down

with a woman who's got more troubles than you:

Law of Alienation/othing %an so alienate a ;oter from the politi%al system as ba%


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Law of Annoyan%e6hen wor:/umbers are symbols for things the number and the thing are not the same:G:4


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4u%%essful resear%h attra%ts the bigger grant whi%h ma


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an:4peed bumps are of negligible effe%t when the ;ehi%le eB%eeds triple the desired restraining speed:

G:The ;ehi%le in front of you is tra;eling slower than you are:H:This lane ends in I feet:

arth's (istin%tion en%hley's Law of (istin%tionDThere are two %lasses of peopleF those who di;ide people into two %lasses= and those who don't:

art"'s Law of +o


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one's time and one's thought for study @ all these arts @ %annot be taught in the air but only through the diffi%ulties of a defined sube%t: They %annot be taught in one %ourse or one year= but must be a%?uired gradually in do"ens of %onne%tions:

>:The analogy to athleti%s must be pressed until all re%ogni"e that in the eBer%ise of ,ntelle%t those who la%< the mus%les= %oordination= and will power %an %laim no pla%e at the training table= let alone on the playing field:

*orthoffer's Cyni%al 4ummary of ar"un's Laws1:That whi%h has not yet been taught dire%tly %an ne;er be taught dire%tly:>:,f at first you don't su%%eed= you will ne;er su%%eed:

asi% aggage rin%iple6hi%he;er %arousel you stand near= your baggage will arri;e on another one:

Law of asi% Money (ynami%sA surprise monetary windfall will be a%%ompanied by an uneBpe%ted eBpense of the same amount:

aBter's *irst Law aBter's *ree MarD his wife= and GD a better

loo


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Law of lissful ,gnoran%e6hat you don't


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J:6hen the produ%t is destined to fail= the deli;ery system will perform perfe%tly:7:The %ru%ial memorandum will be snared in the out@bas:Talent in staff wor< or sales will re%urringly be interpreted as managerial ability:1G:The thin< positi;e leader tends to listen to his subordinates' premonitions only during the

postmortems:1H:Clearly stated instru%tions will %onsistently produ%e multiple interpretations:1I:0n su%%essi;e %harts of the same organi"ation the number of boBes will ne;er de%rease:

oyle's 0bser;ationA welfare state is one that assumes responsibility for the health= happiness= and general wellbeing of all its %iti"ens eB%ept the taBpayers:

oyle's 0ther Law

The first pull on the %ord AL6A84 sends the drapes in the wrong dire%tion:

ran%h's *irst Law of CrisisThe spirit of publi% ser;i%e will rise= and the bureau%ra%y will multiply itself mu%h faster= in time of

gra;e national %on%ern:

*irst Law of ridge,t's always the partner's fault:

rien's *irst LawAt some time in the life %y%le of ;irtually e;ery organi"ation= its ability to su%%eed in spite of itself

runs out:

rigg's Law of Traffi%At any le;el of traffi%= any delay is intolerable:

rin


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6hene;er a system be%omes %ompletely defined= someone dis%o;ers something whi%h either abolishes the system or eBpands it beyond re%ognition:

-erryD rown's LawToo often , find that the ;olume of paper eBpands to fill the a;ailable brief%ases:

4amD rown's Law/e;er offend people with style when you %an offend them with substan%e:

TonyD rown's Law of usiness 4u%%ess0ur %ustomer's paperwor< is profit: 0ur own paperwor< is loss:

rownian Motion 3ule of ureau%ra%ies,t is impossible to distinguish= from a distan%e= whether the bureau%rats asso%iated with your proe%t

are simply sitting on their hands= or franti%ally trying to %o;er their asses:+eisenberg's Addendum to rownian ureau%ra%yF ,f you obser;e a bureau%rat %losely

enough to ma


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usiness MaBims1:/o matter how low you bid the ob there is always an idiot out there willing to do it for less:>:The more you %ut your pri%e to get business= the more li


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Canada ill -ones's Motto,t's morally wrong to allow su%


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speeds and may ri%o%het off walls to a%hie;e the ;elo%ity re?uired:7:Certain bodies %an pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entran%es others %annot:

This trompe l'oeil in%onsisten%y has baffled generation= but at least it is


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Che%:,f you do something whi%h you are sure will meet with e;eryone's appro;al= somebody won't

li


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Clar:,t is possible= but it is not worth doing:G:, said it was a good idea all along:

Cle;eland's +ighway Law+ighways in the worst need of repair naturally ha;e low traffi% %ounts= whi%h results in low priority

for repair wor


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Cohn's LawThe more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing= the less time you ha;e to do anything:

4tability is a%hie;ed when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing youare doing:

Cole's ABiomThe sum of the intelligen%e on the planet is a %onstant the population is growing:

Cole's LawThinly sli%ed %abbage:

Colson's Law6hen you';e got them by the balls= their hearts and minds will follow:

Comin's Laweople will a%%ept your idea mu%h more readily if you tell them enamin *ran stoma%hs and no brain:

>:A %amel is a horse whi%h was designed by a %ommitteeG:,f more than one person is responsible for a mis%al%ulation= no one will be at fault:H:A %ommittee is twel;e people doing the wor< of one:

Committee 3ules1:/e;er arri;e on time= or you will be stamped a beginner:>:(on't say anything until the meeting is half o;er this stamps you as being wise:G:e as ;ague as possible this pre;ents irritating the others:H:6hen in doubt= suggest that a sub%ommittee be appointed:I:e the first to mo;e for adournment this will ma:/othing e;er goes away:G:There is no free lun%h:

Compensation CorollaryThe eBperiment may be %onsidered a su%%ess if no more than IP of the obser;ed measurments

must be dis%arded to obtain a %orresponden%e with theory:

Law of CompetitionThe more ?ualified %andidates who are a;ailable= the more li


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The pri%e of any produ%t produ%ed for a go;ernment agen%y will be not less than the s?uare of the initial *irm *iBed@ri%e Contra%t:

Connolly's 3ule for oliti%al ,n%umbents4hort@term su%%ess with ;oters on any side of a gi;en issue %an be guaranteed by %reating a

long@term spe%ial study %ommission made up of at least three di;ergent interest groups:

Conrad's Conundrum 4tentson's LawDTe%hnologie don't transfer:

Considine's Law6hene;er one word or letter %an %hange the entire meaning of a senten%e= the probability of an

error being made will be in dire%t proportion to the embarrassment it will %ause:

Consultation LawThe ob that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deli;er the ser;i%es:

Law of Consumer E%onomi%s,f the shoe fits= it's ugly: ,f it's good= they dis%ontinue it:

Conway's Law,n e;ery organi"ation there will always be one person who :The amount of time you ha;e to wait for a bus is dire%tly proportional to the in%lemen%y of the

weather:


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G:All buses heading in the opposite dire%tion dri;e off the fa%e of the earth and ne;er return:H:The last rush@hour eBpress bus to your neighborhood lea;es fi;e minutes before you get off wor:/e;er be last:G:/e;er ;olunteer for anything:


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(arrow's 0bser;ation+istory repeats itself: That's one of the things wrong with history:

(arwin's 0bser;ation/ature will tell you a dire%t lie if she %an:

(a;e's Law of Ad;i%eThose with the best ad;i%e offer no ad;i%e:

(a;e's 3ule of 4treet 4ur;i;al4pea< softly and own a big= mean (oberman:

(a;idson's MaBim(emo%ra%y is that form of go;ernment where e;erybody gets what the maority deser;es:

(a;is's asi% Law of Medi%ineills to be ta


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0ne of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a %le;er thing to say:

(urrell's arameterThe faster the plane= the narrower the seats:

(yer's LawA %ontinuing flow of paper is suffi%ient to %ontinue the flow of paper:

(y:,f on an a%tuarial basis there is a I@I %han%e that something will go wrong= it will a%tually gowrong nine times out of ten:

Ed 8ourdonradar's *undamental TruthThe grass is brown on both sides of the fen%e:

Ed's *ifth 3ule of ro%rastination4pend suffi%ient time %onfirming the need and the need will disappear:

Edds Law of 3adiologyThe %older the B@ray table= the more of your body you are re?uired to pla%e on it:

Edington's TheoryThe number of different hypotheses ere%ted to eBplain a gi;en biologi%al phenomenon is in;ersely

proportional to the a;ailable


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Any fa%ts whi%h= when in%luded in the argument= gi;e the desired result= are fair fa%ts for the argument:

*al


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*ett's Law of the Lab *ett's LawD/e;er repli%ate a su%%essful eBperiment:

*inagle's Creed4%ien%e is Truth: (on't be misled by fa%t:

*inagle's *irst Law,f an eBperiment wor:The information you want is not what you need:G:The information you need is not what you %an obtain:H:The information you %an obtain %osts more than you want to pay:

*inagle's 3ules

E;er sin%e the first s%ientifi% eBperiment= man has been plagued by the in%reasing antagonism of nature: ,t seems only right that nature should be logi%al and neat= but eBperien%e has shown that this is not the %ase: A further series of rules has been formulated= designed to help man a%%ept the pigheadedness of nature:

1:To study a sube%t best= understand it thoroughly before you start:>:Always


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*inster's LawA %losed mouth gathers no feet:

*irestone's Law of *or%astingChi%:,t's great to be a /egro:G:,'m only going to put it in a little way:

*oster's Law


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Time is money:

*udd's *irst Law of 0pposition,f you push something hard enough= it will fall o;er:

*ulton's Law6hen you need to


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Law of eneral Assistan%e,n dealing with their own problems= helping professionals are the most eBtreme %onser;ati;es:: ,n

dealing with the problems of others= they are the most eBtreme liberals:

Law of enerali"ationsAll generali"ations are false:

errold's *undamental Truth,t's a good thing money %an't buy happiness: 6e %ouldn't stand the %ommer%ials:

errold's LawA little ignoran%e %an go a long way:Lyall's Addendum :::in the dire%tion of maBimum harm:

errold's Laws of ,nfernal (ynami%s1:An obe%t in motion will always be headed in the wrong dire%tion:>:An obe%t at rest will always be in the wrong pla%e:G:The energy re?uired to %hange either one of the states will always be more than you wish to eBpend=

but ne;er so mu%h as to ma


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Three Laws of Thermodynami%sD1:8ou %an't win:>:8ou %an't brea< e;en:G:8ou %an't e;en ?uit the game:

latum's Law of Materialisti% A%?uisiti;enessThe per%ei;ed usefulness of an arti%le is in;ersely proportional to its a%tual usefulness on%e bought

and paid for:

lyme's *ormula for 4u%%essThe se%ret of su%%ess is sin%erity: 0n%eyou %an fa


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J:A writer mustn't shift your point of ;iew:7:6hen dangling= don't use parti%iples:K:-oin %lauses good li:,n letters themes reports arti%les and stuff liH hours= it is %ertain to ;ote a%?uittal= sa;e in

those instan%es when it ;otes guilty:

o;ernment's LawThere is an eB%eption to all laws:

rabel's Law> is not e?ual to G @ not e;en for ;ery large ;alues of >:

raditor's Laws1:,f it %an brea:A ne%essary item goes on sale only after you ha;e pur%hased it at the regular pri%e:

randma 4oder?uist's Con%lusionA %hi%


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ray's Law of ilateral Asymmetry in /etwor


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ross's Law6hen two people meet to de%ide how to spend a third person's money= fraud will result:

rossman's Law rossman's Mis?uoteDCompleB problems ha;e simple= easy to understand wrong answers:

rossman's Mis?uoteCompleB problems ha;e simple= easy to understand wrong answers:

ummidge's LawThe amount of eBpertise ;aries in in;erse proportion to the number of statements understood by the

general publi%:

umperson's LawThe probability of a gi;en e;ent o%%uring is in;ersely proportional to its desirability:CorollariesF

1:After a salary raise= you will ha;e less money at the end of the month than you had before:>:The more a re%ruit


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resour%es are needed:

+agerty's Law,f you lose your temper at a newspaper %olumnist= he'll get ri%h or famous or both:

+aldane's LawThe $ni;erse is not only ?ueerer than we imagine= it is ?ueerer than we CA/ imagine:

+ale's 3uleThe sumptuousnss of a %ompany's annual report is in in;erse proportion to its profitability that year:

+all's LawThere is a statisti%al %orrelation between the number of initials in an Englishman's name and his

so%ial %lass the upper %lass ha;ing signifi%antly more than three names= while members of the lower %lass a;erage >:JD:

+alpern's 0bser;ationThe tendan%y to err that programmers ha;e been noti%ed to share with other human beings has

often been treated as if it were an aw


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*reedman's EBtension8ou %an get e;erything dirty without getting anything %lean:

+artig's +ow ,s ood 0ld illR (idn't you


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+endri%


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+oare's Law of Larger roblems,nside e;ery large problem is a small problem struggling to get out:

+ofstatler's LawThings always ta:The %hief %ause of problems is solutions:G:The one who does the least wor


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,M ollyanna rin%iple ,M'4 ,n%orre%t rin%ipleDMa%hines should wor


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politi%al disruption:

,ssawi's Law of Consumption atterns0ther people's patterns of eBpenditure and %onsumption are highly irrational and slightly immoral:

,ssawi's Law of Cyni%sCyni%s are right nine times out of ten what undoes them is their belief that they are right ten times

out of ten:

,ssawi's Law of (ogmatism6hen we %all others dogmati%= what we really obe%t to is their holding dogmas that are different

from our own:

,ssawi's Law of Estimation of ErrorEBperts in ad;an%ed %ountries underestimate by a fa%tor of > to H the ability of people in

underde;eloped %ountries to do anything te%hni%al:

,ssawi's Law of *rustration0ne %annot ma


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/o man's life= liberty= or property are safe while the legislature is in session:

-a:,f= in the %ourse of se;eral months= only three worthwhile so%ial e;ents ta


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-ohnson's 4e%ond Law,f= in the %ourse of se;eral months= only three worthwhile so%ial e;ents ta


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7:oliti%ians will always inflate when gi;en the opportunity:

.amin's Laws of e%onomi%s1:All %urren%ies will de%rease in ;alue and pur%hasing power o;er the long term= unless they are freely

and fully %on;ertible into gold and that gold is traded freely without restri%tions of any :Threat of %apital %ontrols a%%elerates marginal %apital outflows:G:Combined total taBation from all le;els of go;ernment will always in%rease until the go;ernment is

repla%ed by war or re;olutionD:H:o;ernment inflation is always worse than statisti%s indi%ateF %entral ban


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they won't be ready until tomorrow:

.ensington's 0bser;ationThe two most %ommon elements in the uni;erse are hydrogen and stupidity:

.ent's LawThe only way a reporter should loo< at a politi%ian is down:

.err@Martin Law1:,n dealing with their 06/ problems= fa%ulty members are the most eBtreme %onser;ati;es:>:,n dealing with 0T+E3 people's problems= they are the world's most eBtreme liberals:

.ettering's Laws1:,f you want to


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All warranty and guarantee %lauses are ;oided by payment of the in;oi%e:

.lipstein's LawToleran%es will a%%umulate unidire%tionally toward maBimum diffi%ulty of assembly:

.lipstein's Law of 4pe%ifi%ations,n spe%ifi%ations= Murphy's Law supersedes 0hm's:

.lipstein's LawsApplied to eneral EngineeringF

1:A patent appli%ation will be pre%eded by one wee< by a similar appli%ation made by an independent wor:*irmness of deli;ery dates is in;ersely proportional to the tightness of the s%hedule:G:(imensions will always be eBpressed in the least usable term: 5elo%ity= for eBample= will be

eBpressed in furlongs per fortnight:H:Any wire %ut to length will be too short:

Applied to rototyping and rodu%tionF1:Toleran%es will a%%umulate unidire%tionally toward maBimum diffi%ulty to assemble:>:,f a proe%t re?uires n %omponents= there will be n@1 units in sto%


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you up:CorollariesF

1:,n any group of pie%es with the same ere%tion mar< on it= one should not ha;e that mar< on it:>:,t will not be dis%o;ered until you try to put it where the mar< says it's supposed to go:G:/e;er argue with the fabri%ating plant about an error: The inspe%tion prints are all %he%:4in%e no matter %an be %reated or destroyed eB%luding nu%lear and %afeteria substan%esD= as one

attempts to remo;e unwanted material i:e:= trashD from one's li;ing spa%e= the remaining material mutates so as to o%%upy G to I per%ent more than its original ;olume:

Corollary @ (ust breeds:

G:The odds are JFI that if one has late %lasses= one's roommate will ha;e the EA3L,E4T possible %lasses:

Corollary 1F 0ne's roommate who has early %lassesD has an alarm %lo%< that is louder than od's own:

Corollary >F 6hen one has an early %lass= one's roommate will in;ariably enter the spa%e late at night and suddenly be%ome hypera%ti;e= ill= ;iolent= or all three:

Laws of *ashion and *ads1:,nde%ent 1 years before its time=>:(aring 1 year before its time=G:Chi% in its time=H:(owdy G years after its time=I:+ideous > years after its time=

J:Amusing G years after its time=7:3omanti% 1 years after its time=K:eautiful 1I years after its time:

Laws of ardening1:0ther people's tools wor< only in other people's yards:>:*an%y gi"mos don't wor


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>:,t redu%es anBiety by redu%ing the eBpe%ted ?uality of the proe%t from the best of all possible efforts to the best that %an be eBpe%ted gi;en the limited time:

G:4tatus is gained in the eyes of others= and in one's own eyes= be%ause it is assumed that the importan%e of the wor< ustifies the stress:

H:A;oidan%e of interruptions in%luding the assignment of other duties %an be a%hie;ed= so that the ob;iously stressed wor:,f= when %ompletion of a design is imminent= field dimensions are finally supplied as they a%tually

are= instead of as they were meant to be= it will be easier to start all o;er:G:After painsta


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The a;erage woman would rather be beautiful than smart be%ause the a;erage man sees better than he thin:Anti%ipated e;ents ne;er li;e up to eBpe%tations:G:That segment of the %ommunity with whi%h one has the greatest sympathy as a liberal ine;itably

turns out to be one of the most narrow@minded and bigoted segments of the %ommunity:H:Always pray that your opposition be wi%


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Corollary 1F ood intentions randomi"e beha;ior:Corollary >F ood intentions are far more diffi%ult to %ope with than mali%ious intent:Corollary GF ,f good intentions are %ombined with stupidity= it is impossible to outthin< them:Corollary HF Any dis%o;ery is more li


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Loman's law of produ%t design,f you %an't fiB it= feature it:

Long's /otes1:Always store beer in a dar< pla%e:>:Certainly the game is rigged: (on't let that stop you if you don't bet= you %an't win:G:Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until pro;ed inno%ent:H:Always listen to eBperts: They'll tell you what %an't be done= and why: Then do it:I:,f it %an't be eBpressed in figures= it is not s%ien%e it is opinion:J:,t has long been G:4tupidity %annot be %ured with money= or through edu%ation= or by legislation: 4tupidity is not a sin

the ;i%tim %an't help being stupid: ut stupidity is the only uni;ersal %apital %rime the senten%e is death= there is no appeal= and eBe%ution is %arried out automati%ally and without pity:

>H:od is omnipotent= omnis%ient= and omnibene;olent: ,t says so right here on the label: ,f you ha;e a mind %apable of belie;ing all three of these di;ine attributes simultaneously= , ha;e a wonderful bargain for you: /o %he%I:eware of altruism: ,t is based on self@de%eption= the root of all e;il:>J:The most preposterous notion that +: sapiens has e;er dreamed up is that the Lord od of

Creation= 4haper and 3uler of all the $ni;erse= wants the sa%%harine adoration of +is %reatures= %an be swayed by their prayers= and be%omes petulant if +e does not re%ei;e this flattery: 8et this

absurd fantasy= without a shred of e;iden%e to bolster it= pays all the eBpenses of the oldest= largest= and least produ%ti;e industry in all history:>7:The se%ond most preposterous notion is that %opulation is inherently sinful:>K:E;erybody lies about seB:>9:3ub her feet:G:/e;er underestimate the power of human stupidity:G1:Always tell her she is beautiful= espe%ially if she is not:G>:,n a family argument= if it turns out you are right= apologi"e at on%e:GG:To stay young re?uires un%easing %ulti;ation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods:GH:(oes history re%ord any %ase in whi%h the maority was rightR


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GI:4e%re%y is the beginning of tyranny:GJ:The greatest produ%ti;e for%e is human selfishness:G7:e wary of strong drin


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Lowry's Additional Lie,';e ne;er done this before:

Lowrey's Law,f it ams @@ for%e it:,f it brea:,t's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps on%e you're off the ground:

Lyall's Cone%ture,f a %omputer %able has one end= then it has another:

Lyall's *undamental 0bser;ationThe most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing:

Lydia's ABiom/othing is as temporary as that whi%h is %alled permanent:Corollary @ /othing is as permanent as that whi%h is %alled temporary:

Lyn%h's Law6hen the going gets tough= e;erybody lea;es:

Lyndons prin%ipalThe light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an on%oming train:

Lyon's Law of +esitation+e who hesitates is last:


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Mar< Miller's EB%eption to Crane's LawThere are no free lun%hes= but sometimes it %osts more to %olle%t money than to gi;e away food:

Mar


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Mason's *irst Law of 4ynergismThe one day you'd sell your soul forsomething= souls are a glut:

Mason's Law of astro ,ntestinal (isorders,f your stoma%h only o%%asionally growls it will happen on the first date with a beautiful woman you

ha;e been trying to get to go out with you for fi;e months:

Mats%h's Law,t is better to ha;e a horrible ending than to ha;e horrors without end:

Mats%h's MaBimA fool in a high station is li


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The shortest distan%e between two points is under %onstru%tion:

M%ur:,f anything ust %annot go wrong= it will anyway:G:,f anything simply %annot go wrong= it will anyway:H:,f there is a worse time for something to go wrong= it will happen then:I:,f e;erything is %oming your way= you're in the wrong lane:J:,f e;erything seems to be going well= you ha;e ob;iously o;erloo


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opposite ends of the %ampus:

Mes:*rom this it follows that you are in;ariably rushing the wrong way:

Mis%ellaneous essimisti% Musings1:The %han%e of a pie%e of bread falling down with the buttered side down is dire%tly proportional to

the %ost of the %arpet:>:*riends %ome and go= but enemies a%%umulate:G:/o matter how long or hard you shop for an item= after you';e bought it= it will be on sale

somewhere else %heaper:H:/ature always sides with the hidden flaw:I:6hate;er plan one ma


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11:There is nothing so small that it %an't be blown out of proportion:1>:,f you're feeling good= don't worry: 8ou'll get o;er it:1G:,f people listened to themsel;es more often= they would tal< less:

M,T4 Law Man ,n The 4treetDThe number of people wat%hing you is dire%tly proportional to the stupidity of your a%tion:

Mobil's MaBimad regulation begets worse regulation:

Moer's TruismThe trouble with most obs is the resemblan%e to being in a sled dog teamF /o one gets a %hange of

s%enery= eB%ept the lead dog:

Money MaBimMoney isn't e;erything: ,t isn't plentiful= for instan%e:D

Montagu's MaBimThe idea is to die young as late as possible:

Montgomery's MaBim,f at first you don't su%%eed read the manual:

More of Murphy's Laws+ere is no limit to how bad things %an get: There is no ob so simple that it %annot be done wrong:

Morley's Con%lusion/o man is lonely while eating spaghetti:

Morley's Con%lusion/o man is lonely while eating spaghetti:

Morner's 3ule of ThumbEBperien%e ;aries dire%tly with e?uipment ruined:

Morton's Law,f rats are eBperimented upon= they will de;elop %an%er: 6hat this %ountry needs are some

stronger white rats:D

Mosher's Law,t's better to retire too soon than too late:

Mother 4igafoos's 0bser;ationA man should be greater than some of his parts:

Mother's Laws1:8ou %an't fall off the floor: it ta:A %hild will not spill on a dirty floor:G:Any %hild who %hatters non@stop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when re?uested to demonstrate for an audien%e:

H:An unbrea


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>:6hen you're not in a hurry= the traffi% light will turn green as soon as your ;ehi%le %omes to a %omplete stop:

G:8ou ne;er really learn to swear until you learn to dri;e:H:8our own %ar uses more gas and oil than anyone else's:I:*our wheel dri;e ust means getting stu%< in more ina%%essible pla%es:J:A short %ut is the longest distan%e between two points:

Mr: Cole's ABiomThe sum of the intelligen%e on the planet is a %onstant the population is growing:

Mr: Cooper's Law,f you do not understand a parti%ular word in a pie%e of te%hni%al writing= ignore it: The pie%e will

ma


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Murphy's law was not propounded by Murphy= but by another man with the same name:

Murphy's Law of CopiersThe legibility of a %opy is in;ersely proportional to its importan%e:

Murphy's Law of 3esear%hEnough resear%h will tend to support your theory:

Murphy's Law of the 0pen 3oad6hen there is a ;ery long road upon whi%h there is a one@way bridge pla%ed at random= and there

are only two %ars on that road= it follows thatF 1D the two %ars are going in opposite dire%tions= and >D they will always meet at the bridge:

Murphy's Law of Thermodynami%sThings get worse under pressure:

Murphy's 3estatementE;erything goes wrong all at on%e:

Murray's Consumer ABioms

1:/e;er as< a barber if you need a hair%ut:>:/e;er as< a salesman if his is a good pri%e:G:Always hire a ri%h attorney:H:/e;er buy from a ri%h salesman:

Law of MuseumsThe most interesting spe%imen will not be labeled:

The *irst Myth of Management,t eBists:

/

The /@1 Law,f you need four s%rews for the ob= the first three are easy to find:

/ader's LawThe speed of eBit of a %i;il ser;ant is dire%tly proportional to the ?uality of his ser;i%e:

/A4A 4


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8ou ne;er run out of things that %an go wrong:

/ef's LawThere is a solution to e;ery problem the only diffi%ulty is finding it:

/essen's Law4e%ret sour%es are more %redible:

Law of new %i;i%ally ba%


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All other things being e?ual= a bald man %annot be ele%ted resident of the $nited 4tates:Corollary @ i;en a %hoi%e between two bald politi%al %andidates= the Ameri%an people will ;ote for

the less bald of the two:

/onre%ipro%al Laws of EBpe%tations1:/egati;e eBpe%tations yield negati;e results:>:ositi;e eBpe%tations yield negati;e results:

/orth Carolina E?uine aradoB5yar"er"omanimororse"asse"an"erareorsesR

/owlan's TruismAn 'a%%eptable le;el of unemployment' means that the go;ernment e%onomist to whom it is

a%%eptable still has a ob:

/ursing Mother rin%iple(o not nurse a


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The most diffi%ult light bulb to repla%e burns out first and most fre?uently:

0%%am's 3a"orEntities ought not to be multiplied eB%ept from ne%essity:3eformulationsF

1:The eBplanation re?uiring the fewest assumptions is the most li:6hene;er two hypotheses %o;er the fa%ts= use the simpler of the two:G:Cut the %rap:

0esner's Law 0eser's LawRDThere is a tenden%y for the person in the most powerful position in an organi"ation to spend all his

time ser;ing on %ommittees and signing letters:

0ld and .ahn's LawThe effi%ien%y of a %ommittee meeting is in;ersely proportional to the number of parti%ipants and the

time spent on deliberations:

0ld Children's Law,f it tastes good= you %an't ha;e it: ,f it tastes awful= you'd better %lean your plate:

0ld Engineer's LawThe larger the proe%t or ob= the less time there is to do it:

0ld 4%ottish rayer0 Lord= grant that we may always be right= for Thou


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0sborn's Law5ariables won't %onstants aren't:

0toole's ABiom0ne %hild is not enough= but two are too many:

0tten's Law of Testimony6hen a person says that= in the interest of sa;ing time= he will summari"e his prepared statement=

he will tal< only three times as long as if he had read the statement in the first pla%e:

0tten's Law of TypesettingTypesetters always %orre%t intentional errors= but fail to %orre%t unintentional ones:

0"ian 0ption, %an't gi;e you brains= but , %an gi;e you a diploma:

ani% ,nstru%tion

6hen you don't :The three faithful things in life are money= a dog= and an old woman:G:(on't %are if you're ri%h or not= as long as you li;e %omfortably and %an ha;e e;erything you want:

areto's Law The >UK LawD>P of the %ustomers a%%ount for KP of the turno;er= >P of the %omponents a%%ount for KP of

the %ost= and so forth:

ar


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,f you %an't na;igate a one@le;el= fi;e@item phone tree= you didn't need a %omputer anyway:

ar:0ffi%ials ma


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astore's Truths1:E;en paranoids ha;e enemies:>:Most obs are marginally better than daytime T5:G:0n al%oholF four is one more than more than enough:

atri%


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erelman's ointThere is nothing li


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eter's aradoBEmployees in a hierar%hy do not really obe%t to in%ompeten%e in their %olleagues:

eter's erfe%t eople alliati;eEa%h of us is a miBture of good ?ualities and some perhapsD not@so@good ?ualities: ,n %onsidering

our fellow people we should remember their good ?ualities and reali"e that their faults only pro;e that they are= after all= human: 6e should refrain from ma:There is ne;er time to do it right but there is always time to do it o;er:G:eople spe%iali"e in their area of greatest wea


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H:The only thing you didn't %he%< for a malfun%tion= will be the sour%e of the problem= but you won'tfind it until you are %alled ba%:oliti%ians will always inflate when gi;en the opportunity:

Law of oliti%al Erosion

0n%e the erosion of power begins= it has a momentum all its own:

oliti%al ostulate*ormation of a party signals the dissolution of the mo;ement:

oliti%ians' 3ules1:6hen the polls are in your fa;or= flaunt them:>:6hen the polls are o;erwhelmingly unfa;orable= either aD ridi%ule and dismiss them or bD stress the

;olatility of publi% opinion:G:6hen the polls are slightly unfa;orable= play for sympathy as a struggling underdog:


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G:6hate;er you ha;e done is ne;er a %omplete failure: ,t %an always ser;e as a bad eBample:H:6hen the going gets tough= e;eryone lea;es:I:,n %ase of doubt= ma


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roe%t s%heduling 99 ruleThe first 9 per%ent of the tas< ta


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3

3ule of 3adio 3e%eption8our wal


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The probability of arri;ing at the ob site without a needed tool or with the wrong hardware are dire%tly proportional with the s?uare of the tra;el distan%e: Corollary @ 8ou will always ha;e what you need when the ob is neBt to your shop:

Law of 3eruns,f you ha;e wat%hed a T5 series only on%e= and you wat%h it again= it will be a rerun of the same

episode:

Law of 3esear%hEnough resear%h will tend to support your theory:

3esear%hers LawThe %losest library doesn't ha;e the material you need:

Law of 3estaurant A%ousti%s,n a restaurant with seats whi%h are %lose to ea%h other= one will always find the de%ibel le;el of the

nearest %on;ersation to be in;ersely proportional to the ?uality of the thought going into it:

Law of 3estitutionThe time it ta


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>:The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window:G:irthday parties always end in tears:H:6hene;er you de%ide to ta


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3oger's 3atio0ne@third of the people in the $nited 4tates promote= while the other two@thirds pro;ide:

3ooster's *irst Law on 4%hool AffairsThe eBam will as< the only topi% you didn't study:*irst %orollary @ The onus 3es%ue ?uestion is harder than the regular ones:

3osenbaum's 3uleThe easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a repla%ement:

3osenfield's 3egretThe most deli%ate %omponent will be dropped:

3osensto%


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3unamo


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The 4ausage rin%ipleeople who lo;e sausage and respe%t the law should ne;er wat%h either one being made:

4ayre's Third Law of oliti%sA%ademi% politi%s is the most ;i%ious and bitter form of politi%s= be%ause the sta


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4ometimes= where a %ompleB problem %an be illuminated by many tools= one %an be forgi;en for applying the one he


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4haw's rin%ipleuild a system that e;en a fool %an use= and only a fool will want to use it:

4helton's Laws of o%:6hen a re%hargeable battery starts to die in the middle of a %ompleB %al%ulation= and the user

attempts to %onne%t house %urrent= the %al%ulator will %lear itself:G:The final answer will eB%eed the magnitude or pre%ision or both of the %al%ulator:H:There are not enough storage registers to sol;e the problem:I:The user will forget mathemati%s in proportion to the %ompleBity of the %al%ulator:J:Thermal paper will run out before the %al%ulation is %omplete:

4hirley's LawMost people deser;e ea%h other: *orgi;e and remember:

4hort's 2uotations1:Any great truth %an @@ and e;entually will @@ be eBpressed as a %li%he: A %li%he is a sure and %ertain

way to dilute an idea: *or instan%e= my grandmother used to say= The bla%< %at is always the last one off the fen%e: , ha;e no idea what she meant= but at one time it was undoubtedly true:

>:+alf of being smart is


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+e who hesitates shall inherit the earth:

Law of 4lide resentation,n any slide presentation= at least one slide will be upside down or ba%:Attempt to be seen with important people: 4pea< with authority howe;er= only eBpound on the

ob;ious and pro;en fa%ts:G:(on't engage in arguments= but if %ornered= as< an irrele;ant ?uestion and lean ba%< with a

satisfied grin while your opponent tries to figure out what's going on @@ then ?ui%


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it:I:,f a subordinate as


85/97

4tanley's Laws of *at*at eBpands to fill any apparel worn:

Law of 4tatus.eep $p 6ith The *let%her's: 8ou'll /e;er Ma


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4uhor's LawA little ambiguity ne;er hurt anyone:

Law of 4uperiorityThe first eBample of superior prin%iple is always inferior to the de;eloped eBample of inferior

prin%iple:

Law of 4upermar


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E;ery organi"ation has an allotted number of positions to be filled by in%ompetents:

Theory of the ,nternational 4o%iety of hilosophi% Engineering1:,n any %al%ulation= any error whi%h %an %reep in will do so:>:Any error in any %al%ulation will be in the dire%tion of most harm:G:,n any formula= %onstants espe%ially those obtained from engineering handboo::9:Maor %hanges in %onstru%tion will always be re?uested after fabri%ation is nearly %ompleted:

1:arts that positi;ely %annot be assembled in improper order will be:11:,nter%hangeable parts won't:1>:Manufa%turer's spe%ifi%ations of performan%e should be multiplied by a fa%tor of :I:1G:4alespeople's %laims for performan%e should be multiplied by a fa%tor of :>I:1H:,nstallation and 0perating ,nstru%tions shipped with the de;i%e will be promptly dis%arded by the

3e%ei;ing (epartment:

1I:Any de;i%e re?uiring ser;i%e or adustment will be least a%%essible:1J:4er;i%e Conditions as gi;en on spe%ifi%ations will be eB%eeded:17:,f more than one person is responsible for a mis%al%ulation= no one will be at fault:1K:,denti%al units whi%h test in an identi%al fashion will not beha;e in an identi%al fashion in the field:19:,f= in engineering pra%ti%e= a safety fa%tor is set through ser;i%e eBperien%e at an ultimate ;alue= an

ingenious idiot will promptly %al%ulate a method to eB%eed said safety fa%tor:>:6arranty and guarantee %lauses are ;oided by payment of the in;oi%e:

Therapist's 0bser;ation,t's easy to %riti%i"e paranoid people= but if e;erybody hated you= you'd be paranoid too:

*ourth Law of Thermodynami%s,f the probability of su%%ess is not almost one= then it is damned near "ero:

Thin:All warranties eBpire upon payment of in;oi%e:G:The negati;e Consumer 3eport on the item you want to buy will %ome out one wee< after you';e

pur%hased it:

Thoreau's Law,f you see a man approa%hing you with the ob;ious intention of doing you good= you should run for

your life:

Thoreau's 3uleAny fool %an ma


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The Three Laws of 3oboti%s1:A robot may not inure a human being or= through ina%tion= allow a human being to %ome to harm:>:A robot must obey the orders gi;en it by human beings eB%ept where su%h orders would %onfli%t

with the *irst Law:

G:A robot must prote%t its own eBisten%e as long as su%h prote%tion does not %onfli%t with the *irst or 4e%ond Laws:

Three Lies A%%ording to layboy1:The %he%


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Corollary>F Any nagging intruder= who

Tor?uemada's Law6hen you are sure you're right= you ha;e a moral duty to impose your will upon anyone who

disagrees with you:

Trans%ription 4?uare LawThe number of errors made is e?ual to the sum of the s?uares employed:

*irst Law of Tra;el/o matter how many rooms there are in the motel= the fellow who starts up his %ar at fi;e o'%lo%< in

the morning is always par:Any planned program %osts more and ta:/ot until a program has been in produ%tion for at least siB months will the most harmful error be

dis%o;ered:G:-ob %ontrol %ards that positi;ely %annot be arranged in proper order will be:

H:,nter%hangeable tapes won't:I:,f the input editor has been designed to ree%t all bad input= an ingenious idiot will dis%o;er a method to get bad data past it:

Truman's Law,f you %annot %on;in%e them= %onfuse them:

Trump's 2uir< of +uman /ature/obody lo;es a winner who wins all the time:


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Truths of Management1:Thin< before you a%t it's not your money:>:All good management is the eBpression of one great idea:G:/o eBe%uti;e de;otes effort to pro;ing himself wrong:H:Cash in must eB%eed %ash out:I:Management %apability is always less than the organi"ation a%tually needs:

Truth I:1 of ManagementF 0rgani"ations always ha;e too many managers:J:Either an eBe%uti;e %an do his ob or he %an't:7:,f sophisti%ated %al%ulations are needed to ustify an a%tion= don't do it:K:,f you are doing something wrong= you will do it badly:9:,f you are attempting the impossible= you will fail:

1:The easiest way of ma


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The probability of an e;ent's o%%urring ;aries dire%tly with the per;ersity of the inanimate obe%t in;ol;ed and in;ersely with the produ%t of its desirability and the effort eBpended to produ%e it:

$ni;ersal LawAnything that begins well ends badly: Anything that begins badly ends worse:

$nnamed Law,f it happens= it must be possible:

The $nspea


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0ne man's red tape is another man's system:

6alins


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6eiler's Law/othing is impossible for the man who doesn't ha;e to do it himself:

6einberg's *irst Lawrogress is made on alternate *ridays:

6einberg's 4e%ond Law,f builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs= then the first woodpe%


94/97

(on't lose heart:::0wen's Comment on 6hite's 4tatementF ::: they might want to %ut it out:::yrd's Addition to 0wen's Comment on 6hite's 4tatementF ::: and they want to a;oid a

lengthy sear%h:

6hitehead's LawThe ob;ious answer is always o;erloo


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more time and effort than you thin< if they are not to go wrong:

6olf's Law of (e%ision@Ma:ro%rastinate todayY Tomorrow may be too late:DG:/06 is the time to do things laterYH:,f at first you don't su%%eed= why try againR

6oods's 3efutation of the *irst Law of 4o%io@eneti%s0n the %ontrary= if you ne;er pro%reate= neither will your :6hat you don't do is always more important than what you do do:


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immerman's Law3egardless of whether a mission eBpands or %ontra%ts= administrati;e o;erhead %ontinues to grow

at a steady rate:

immerman's Law of Complaints/obody noti%es when things go right:

usmann's 3uleA su%%essful symposium depends on the ratio of meeting to eating:

ymurgy's *irst Law of E;ol;ing 4ystems (ynami%s0n%e you open a %an of worms= the only way to re%an them is to use a larger %an: 0ld worms ne;er

die= they ust worm their way into larger %ans:D

ymurgy's Law of 5olunteer Laboureople are always a;ailable for wor< in the past tense:

ymurgy's 4e;enth EB%eption to Murphy's Laws6hen it rains= it pours:

Copyright 199J=97 by Andreas !t" goet"Zstud:uni@hanno;er:de: All rights reser;ed:

# Andi's +omepage & $ltimate Colle%tion & y Topi% & Complete Edition &

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The Complete Edition of Murphy