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The Creative Challenge of Midlife
Kathleen Brehony, Ph.D.
1. What is Midlife?
2. Why Midlife can be dangerous and difficult?
3. How to use Midlife for Self-Growth.
There are lots of us in Midlife…
81 Million Americans between the ages of 35-55.
10,000 Americans turn 50 every day (one every 10 seconds)
Midlife is a specific developmental period of
life.
Life as a Teleological Process
How we get off track…
We are born whole but quickly become shaped by family, religion, culture, gender role, etc. etc. etc.
Midlife Gives Us Wake-Up Calls
Physical
Psychological
Emotional
Relational
Professional
Spiritual
Sometimes Midlife is a Crisis…
“Danger” and “Opportunity”
Sometimes you just hear Peggy Lee singing…
Is that all there is, my
friend? Is that all there is?
Midlife Demands: A Change in
Consciousness
Consciousness is Awareness and Self-knowledge
Major Illusion: Things Don’t Change
Most of us grow when life pushes us to do soYou know what I’m going
to do this weekend, honey? I’m going to grow. What the
hell is he talking
about??!!
Knowing an Underlying Secret
1. Select a number between 1 and 10.
2. Multiply your number by 9.
3. If you now have a two-digit number, add them together.
4. Think of your number and subtract 5 from it.
5. Imagine that your number can be translated into a letter of the alphabet, where 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, 4=D, and so on.
6. Think of the name of a country that begins with your letter.
7. Take the last letter of your country’s name and think of the name of an animal that begins with that letter.
8. You should now have the name of both a country and an animal.
There are no Kangaroos or Koalas in Denmark!
Nor are there Cobras or Cats in the Dominican Republic.
There are no Kangaroos or Koalas in Denmark!
Nor are there Cobras or Cats in the Dominican Republic.
The Answer
An Underlying Secret of Mathematics
“The Rules of 9”
Rule #1:
When any number is multiplied by nine, if the individual digits in the resulting product are added together, they will ALWAYS total nine as long as you keep summing the digits produced at each step until you get a one-digit number.
That Number will ALWAYS be 9.
The Underlying Secrets of Midlife
Realization: Life is half-over
We recognize our mortality in a new way.
Life as we have known it is now over.
A major change in consciousness.
Losses and change initiate a path to a new sense of meaning and greater passion.
Ego
The Self
The ego has believed that everything revolves around it. Wrong!
At Midlife, the Self is asking –
“When will you get around to me?”
In the first half of life, we devote our psychological
resources to developing the persona.
The Shadow Knows…
How to know your Shadow…
Make a list of every adjective that describes you, then write down its opposite. This is what is demanding to be acknowledged.
Important hint: Find the Middle Way
Repressed Shadow Material Can Explode Out Like a Dam
Bursting
In our culture we tend to discount the inner life but
that doesn’t make it any less real.
Unconscious versus Conscious Midlife Passages
We don’t like to think about or talk about the losses associated with
Midlife
“We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. Where we thought to travel outward, we will come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we will be with all the world.”
-- Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth
Poised for the Hero’s Journey
The Call
The Separation
The Adventure
The Return (Hero is ALWAYS changed)
Stages of the Hero’s Journey
The Agony of the Chrysalis
The Alchemical Metaphor
“We are born to be awake, not to be
asleep!”
-- Paracelsus, 16th Century Swiss Alchemist
Nigredo: “The Blackening”
Albedo: “The Whitening”
Rubedo: “The Reddening”
Stages in Alchemical Transformation
The Vitality of Transformation
Like the Buddha WAKING UP
Realize the values of the first half of life are not sufficient for the second half
Change in philosophy and worldview
Psychological and spiritual maturity
Coming to our senses
Live differently – with greater joy, meaning, and passion
Rowing & Flowing:
The Sailboat Metaphor
To be Conscious is to be AWAKE!
I’m AWAKE!
Seeing Ourselves Differently
Schopenhauer - Embroidery
Michelangelo – It was already inside you.
What do we do with this new-found insight?
Stay just as we are?
Move to Tahiti as Gaugin did?
Um, are you sure you don’t want to call your wife and
kids?
The Journey is frightening and we have a natural desire to get
over it!
JUST DO IT!!!!!!!
Holding the Tension of the Opposites
Tools for the Journey
Be Aware that “Compassion Fatigue” Affects BodyMindSpirit
Some Symptoms of this “Care-Giving Shutdown” Fatigue
Joylessness
Pessimism
Social Withdrawal
Uninterested in intimacy or sex
Concentration Difficulties
Irritability
Depression
Physical Symptoms and Illness
Feeling like you’re “just going through the motions” – lack of passion or meaning
Negative Coping Behaviors – Substance Abuse, “Soft Addictions”
“Illumined Selfishness” – Healthy Self-Care Nurture BodyMindSpirit
Physical Regimen to Deal with Stress
Quiet Time for Reflection, Prayer, Meditation, Solitude
Creative Activities
Social Support – Talk About It!
Spiritual Support
Optimism
Humor
Approach NOT Avoidance
Cognitive Reframing
Caregivers often think we are the “Energizer Bunny” and can keep going and going and going – This is a dangerous belief!
OrganismStimulus Response
S-O-R Model of StressStress = Demand Exceeds
Capacity
= Stressors
Four-Stage Stress Management Model Identify
(Physical, Cognitive, Behavioral)
Analyze
Develop Plan
Implement
Plan
Dreamwork
Containers
Meditation, Prayer, Silence
Creative Expression
Physical Body
Stay in the Present
“Stay here, quivering with each moment, like a drop of
mercury.”
-- Rumi
On Tigers and Goats
Late Bloomers &
Don’t Die Guessing
Thank You and
Godspeed on Your Journey
Kathleen and Co-author Dorothy
Kelly
www.fullpotentialliving.com252-473-4004