The Fuddler May 2012

Page 1

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

A ppermanent nail colour that lasts for weeks without wearing or chipping. That strengthens

and promotes the growth of your own nail. With over 80 different Colours including French.

Permanent Nail Colour & Manicure ££25 Extensions - Gel Sculptures ££35 Permanent Nail Colour on Toes ££15

Gift Vouchers Available

01525 860688 117 Clophill Road, Maulden

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FROM CHEESEMANS PHARMACY

We apologise for any inconvenience caused due to important refurbishment work

taking place over the next 2 weeks or so.

We assure you that the Pharmacy will be open throughout and a continuous service

will be provided as normal.

We thank you for your understanding and co-operation.

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN?NIC-EIC Registered

All electrical work Testing and Certification

Free Estimates AMPTHILL

ELECTRICAL SERVICES

01525 632921 07977173452See our ad on p 5

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT

40 Yrs experience Fully Insured Special Rates for OAPS!

Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc

Free Estimate01525 288207

07500 431131

Registered Practice 11666.

FED UP WITH THE HEADACHE OF

BOOKKEEPING?

If you are a small business or sole trader contact:

Vanessa John AICB CB.Cert BUSINESS IN BALANCE businessinbalancebookkeeping

@gmail.com

Tel: 07976 307411 …. for a friendly,

no-obligation discussion. D & G SHORT

NEED A LOCKSMITH?

Please turn to our ad

on page 18

Plus - All aspects of

home security

As always a great big welcome to this super sunny Fuddler which we very much hope you’ll enjoy. There’s lots of fun and nonsense inside plus details of local events. Also of course there are those all important messages from our advertisers which please

do look carefully through as we all know by now ‘Whatever you need - you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’ The excitement is building here in Fuddlerland as we shortly celebrate a whole decade of Fuddling!!! If you would like an ad please ring Martin on 01525 841434.

Sharman LawS O L I C I T O R SIncorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you,your family and your business

1 Harpur Street, BedfordTelephone: 01234 30 30 30

Email: [email protected]: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

88 Dunstable Street, AmpthillTelephone: 01525 750 750

Page 2

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

With Summer not far away, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

We are pleased to offer our special lunchtime menu in

addition to our newSpring restaurant menu.

Page 3


On the 25th August this year, local lass Donna Elmore is taking part in a sponsored Skydive in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support in memory of her Dad Michael (Eddie) Elmore of Queens Road Ampthill. Donna’s target to be raised is £1,000 and all the money will go to Macmillan as she has funded the jump herself. As she says ‘I know times are hard at the moment but w i th CANCER now touching 1 in 3 people, this is a fantastic cause! To pledge anything you can afford, please go to www.justgiving.com/Donna-Elmore. ‘Thank you for any support you can offer, it means a lot to me!’

You are invited to the Queen's Diamond Jubilee 'Thanksgiving Service' to be held at: St Andrew's Church, Ampthill on 27th May 2012 at 6.30pm with a peal of bells at 6pm.

Ampthill Choral Society are holding a concert on 26 May at 7.30 at Ampthill M e t h o d i s t C h u r c h Programme: Folk Songs by Vaughan Williams and Merrie England – words by Basil Hood Music by Edward German. Tickets £7 available on the door. Drinks on sale after the concert

The Ampthill Singers are delighted to announce that they will be making their biggest ever charity donation following a very successful 2011. Last year’s efforts will allow us to make a donation of £2750 to The British Heart Foundation, which was chosen in memory of one of our founder members who passed away early in 2011. The money was raised by means of our two Annual Concerts in November, collections during performances Waitrose and several other engagements with local organisations. Each year the members chose one or more charities to support and those chosen for 2012 are Cancer Research UK and Keech Hospice Care. Work is just starting on this year’s show, our tenth, having been formed in 2003. To mark this anniversary, this performance will be a selection of the favourites from the previous nine shows. We now have around 40 members and meet every Tuesday evening at 7.30pm in Ampthill Methodist Church. If anyone enjoys singing, can vaguely hold a tune and would like to join a friendly group (we get a tea break for extra chatting), we guarantee that you will receive a warm welcome. Please feel free to contact us via our email address [email protected] or tel: 07735 317639

Painting and Decorating For all your interior and exterior

decorating requirements.

Professional, clean, reliable and friendly service.

Fully insured.

For a free competitive quotation please call 01525 404645 or Mobile 0774 7755943

LOCAL OFFICE SUPPLIES

FREE DELIVERY to Business accounts - please ask us for details.

tel: 01525 633336 www.businesspoint.uk.com

Unit 1, 101 Ampthill Road,Flitwick, Beds MK45 1BE

( Behind the Shell Garage )

We have absolutelyeverything you need!And with access to over

22,000 items, if we haven’tgot it you have it next day

guaranteed!Specialists in Ink andtoner cartridges.

Call Alison on 07956 467352 4 Airedale Close, Flitwick, MK45 1FA

Daytime, Evening and Weekend appointments available

Bio Sculpture Gel Nails: Hands £22.00 Toes £17.00 Special offer - Book together

Hands & Toes £35.00 Rockstar Glitter Toes £20.00 Kooky Toes £20.00 Mini Pedicure £18.00

Spray Tanning: Full Body £20.00

Eye Treatments: Eyebrow shape £8.00 Eyebrow Tint £8.00Eyelash Tint £8.00

Waxing: Half leg £10.00 Under arm £ 6.00 Bikini £ 8.00 Lip £ 4.00

Get Ready for Summer with

Lush beauty

Prom Specials available call for details

LIDLINGTON CAR BOOT SALE

*****************

EVERY SUNDAY & BANK HOLIDAY MONDAYS APRIL TO SEPTEMBER

(weather permitting)

Starts Sunday 1st April

For details of times and prices visit our website www.lidlingtoncarboot.co.uk

01525 405598 rec. msg.

Page 4


“The Fuddler” i s pub l i she d by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Across: 7 Certainly, 8 Broom, 10 Endanger, 11 Reside, 12 Once, 13 Tolerate, 15 Cherish, 17 Envelop, 20 Primrose, 22 More, 25 Walnut, 26 Tiny Tots, 27 Faith, 28 Continued

Down: 1 Penny, 2 Strain, 3 Ringlets, 4 Clarity, 5 Preserve, 6 Condition, 9 Oral, 14 Charlatan, 16 Ruminate, 18 Nominate, 19 Section, 21 Oath, 23 Rating, 24 Strew

On behalf of everyone at

We extend a massive thank you to everyone who supported our new

premises launch raffle. We raised a staggering

£520.86 forKeech Hospice Care

Thank you!

LT Building & Designs Ltd Property Maintenance Specialists

01525 840300 www.ltbd.co.uk [email protected]

All aspects of property maintenance carried out to a high standard including carpentry, plumbing, brickwork, decorating, window & door repair/replace and kitchen fitting.

Free quotations, no job too small, family run local business

Times to suit you. 1st assessment FREE -

45 mins lessons ALL AGES

For further information contact Guy on 07811 364 328

LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS I was chuckling to myself as, despite

Nanny’s admonishments concerning the perils of enjoying a tipple, I again enjoyed a toast to Her

Majesty on the occasion of her birthday.

I will certainly do the same for the Diamond Jubilee celebrations.

I am sure the late great Check-It-Out and my old mate Duster would

have approved. Ciao

A BRIANISM I was going shopping but I looked out of the

window and the drought was too

severe so I thought I would wait.

Page 5


ALWAYS USE AN NIC EIC REGISTRED ELECTRICIAN

AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES01525 632921/07977173452

Email: [email protected]

Here at Ampthill Electrical Services, Chris is always happy to provide you with a free estimate for any workrequired. He will also help you to make informed choices that will not only save you on the cost of anyinstallation, but most importantly on long term running costs.

Electrical safety is paramount to Chris, and he keeps fully up to date on all the amendments and changes toCurrent Regulations. He is annually assessed by the NIC EIC who inspect his work, and check Certification tomake sure that he is fully compliant.

Most people do not realise the importance of having their electrical work Registered with the Local Authority.When you choose Ampthill Electrical Services you can be sure that your work will be Fully Certified and coveredby an Insurance Backed NIC EIC 10 year Warranty.

Please telephone Chris Hackett for a free no obligation quote or advice

www.ampthillelectricalservices.co.uk

Page 6


Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment

X

E

T

S

I N

V E

E

Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

Down: 2 Concur (5) 3 Academic (7) 5 Devoured (5) 6 Critical (7) 7 Flower stalk (5) 8 Enticement (5) 9 Bashful (5) 14 Gaelic (4) 16 Vanished (4) 18 Body of attendants (7) 20 Exalt (7) 21 Tree (5) 23 Creepy (5) 24 Bury (5) 26 Aroma (5) 28 Accurate (5)

Across: 1 Howls (5) 4 Muscular (5) 10 Pirate (7) 11 Entirety (5) 12 Hymn (5) 13 Advantage (7) 15 Water jug (4) 17 Classify (5) 19 Asinine (5) 22 Paucity (4) 25 Performer (7) 27 Canoe anag (5) 29 Small boat (5) 30 Mimic (7) 31 Below (5) 32 Jokes (5)

Extensive

1 2 3 4 5 6

7 8 9

10 11

12 13 14

15 16

17 18 19 20

21 22 23 24

25 26 27 28

29 30

31 32

*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways

*Landscaping *Fencing *Patios

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252Email: [email protected]

J HELECTRICAL

• DOMESTIC • INDUSTRIAL • COMMERCIAL

24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE All electrical work undertaken

email: [email protected]

Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414

Garage Door Solutions LtdYour local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares

All makes & designs available 24 Hour repair service No call out charge All work guaranteed Free quotations

Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468

Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk Or see the yellow pages

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

Page 7


Ampthill CelebratesAmpthill Celebrates

Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond JubileeQueen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee

Monday 4 June 2012Monday 4 June 2012 Ampthill ParkAmpthill Park

Celebrations & Activities

Gates open 1 pmGates open 1 pm

>> 1pm to 5pm ‘A Children’s Family Picnic’ 1pm to 5pm ‘A Children’s Family Picnic’ Bring your own Bring your own picnics and enjoy the entertainment, music, games and races. picnics and enjoy the entertainment, music, games and races. Fairground rides and bouncy castles.Fairground rides and bouncy castles.

>>5 pm ‘A Parade of Uniformed Organisations’ 5 pm ‘A Parade of Uniformed Organisations’ led by the led by the Town Band. Town Band.

>>6 pm Evening onwards enjoy ~6 pm Evening onwards enjoy ~

Real Ale Tent & London Bus BarReal Ale Tent & London Bus Bar

Four Live BandsFour Live Bands

Spectacular FireSpectacular Fire--Work DisplayWork Display

Pig Roast & Food StallsPig Roast & Food Stalls

Lighting of Ampthill’s Beacon (1 of the 2,012 lit across Lighting of Ampthill’s Beacon (1 of the 2,012 lit across the United Kingdom!)the United Kingdom!)

For more information contact Ampthill Town Council For more information contact Ampthill Town Council 01525 404355 01525 404355

Page 8


Benedictus of the ‘9Tails’..........

Poor Benedictus…….at long last after waiting patiently in the solace of time the wind is in the east with a clear night sky save for one single star so now he has the chance to find once again the key of 100 turns. However, cruelly Benedictus is hampered still further by Meerkat’s apparent lack of imagination to find a path for his ‘tails’ to continue…he is fearful he will now be lost to time itself and that is a terrifying thought.

Not even a recent journey to stay with Brother Meerkat seemed to help. Even the wonderful idyllic scenery of the Worcestershire and Gloucestershire countryside failed to ignite the fire of imagination. The powerful and majestic presence of the proud and stately Malvern Hills and the gentle curves of the quieter Chilterns with the meandering flow of the river Severn, so much a part of that journey, failed this time to uplift the spirits for writing. Meerkat seemed lost to time herself with the temporarily paralysing of the brain! But, not all is lost;

something very recuperative must have happened because on her return Meerkat was having a cup of coffee with a friend when suddenly the match was lit and the fire ignited....very strange that because the conversation was quite weird and totally off the wall. Her friend was telling her about the time recently when she was pouring what she thought was oil over her roast potatoes only to find it was orange juice and on another occasion wondering why she could not get on with the starch she was using whilst doing the

ironing…well of course not…it was furniture polish! Worrying is the fact that this is the friend who, at a very exclusive mature age a couple of Christmases ago, found much pleasure in her Christmas present of an electric saw! Well that did it…something triggered those sleepy brain cells, for the imagination is now in full swing and wait!… . lo o k ! . . . t h e r e g o e s Benedictus…can you see him?...no?...come on, try. There he goes scampering at full speed up the path to the little church…on and on until…….

Copyright reserved

01525 404334

ALL BRICKWORK AND REPAIRS

PLUS REPOINTING No job too small

Please ring Joe

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES

Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole

• • •

• •

Page 9


37 Church Street Ampthill

MK45 2PL Office: 01525 841736 Open 09.00 to 12.30 Affiliated to the C.I.U.

Managed by the community for the community

Pop in this May 2012 and have a look, if you like what you see fill in a

membership form. Its £10 annual fee plus £3

for C.I.U. card which allows access to all C.I.U. clubs in England, Wales & Scotland. Ask at the

bar

Your membership allows you access to the CHEAPEST BAR in AMPTHILL Automatic invitation to all its social functions plus preferential rates for

hiring rooms

We’re across the road from St. Andrews Church with a large free car park for members and

their guests. We cater for Weddings, Birthdays,

Christenings and Wakes and support local charities with free

facilities.

Free WiFi

Look out for our add in the Fuddler for Beer Festivals and Wine tasting experiences Recognised by CAMRA for our cask ales

Free WiFi

We’ll have the SKY Ultimate Package

To view on our large T.V. in the bar

& 5’ x 5’

Projector screen in HD

in our large lounge

Large Lounge Bar

Page 10


By Julio Van Peebles 1) Has anyone ever been called Perce Hill? 2) Are actress Halle Berry's parents elderberries 3) How can you warm the cockles of your heart? 4) Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 5) Why do banks use both sides of the page for your statement to save paper, and then send a pointless page with it?? Julio’s Top Tip : A sombrero in a bin liner makes an excellent hands free umbrella !!

With Jimmy The Voice This month we see that JTV has been playing with his carpentry set again! He says that he has built this pile of blocks ....

But we think that he is imagining things again and that it is not a possibility! But what do you think?

Many Congratulations to Amy and Carl on the birth of baby Jago on the 18th April.

Lots of love Auntie Jenna and Uncle Mitch xxx

21st May Happy Birthday

Jilly! xxxx

‘I fink I can control the cellar now and I am pretty handy at first aid too!’

Happy Birthday to Emily for the

12th May

Specialists in all aspects of PLASTERING.Also a HANDYMAN SERVICE Available.

Please call Alan:01582 663307 ~ 07961 936561or email: [email protected]

Page 11


Babs was busy working in her office, typing a long list of reports. Suddenly she stopped typing, took a sheet of blank paper to the photocopying machine and proceeded to make ten blank copies. She then returned to her desk and continued typing. One of her colleagues watched in amazement and asked what she was doing. ‘I was out of typing paper and you told me to use copier paper instead.’ replied Babs sensibly.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. If you smile when things go wrong - you already know who you are going to blame. My friends husband is so silly that the only way she can get him to take exercise is to hide the remote control.If you want to retain privacy in a railway carriage, sing a selection of songs from shows. Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. If you need self help books to tell you what to do with your life - you’re missing the point. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? If you get divorced make sure you have custody of the money. Concentrate on the present and the future will take care of itself. Remember there are plenty of fish in the sea it’s just that most are flounder. If space is a vacuum, who changes the bag? 1 Inner ear, 2 JRR Tolkien, 3

1955, 4 Fish, 5 Waves, 6 Vulture, 7 Patricia Cornwell, 8 Nimes, France, 9 Indiana, 10 Ava Gardner

1. Where would you find ‘The Semicircular Canals’?

2. Who wrote ‘A Middle English Vocabulary’?

3. In which year was ‘Rock Around the Clock’ written’?

4. What is a ‘Miller’s thumb’? 5. I f you su f fe red f rom

‘Cymophobia’ - what would you fear?

6. ‘Venue’ is the collective term for which creature?

7. Who created ‘Dr Kay Scarpetta’?

8. Where did the material ‘Denim’ originate?

9. In which US state is there a town called ‘Surprise’?

10.By which name is ‘Lucy Johnson’ better known?

Learn the fascinating art of

Enquiries: Tel: 01525 634052

No Special Clothing

Necessary

Everyone Welcome

In Flitwick Special Beginners

Classes For Children and Adults

Starting Monday 7th May at 6.00pm

and every Monday thereafter Flitwick Leisure Centre

Steppingley Road Flitwick

BOB AMBLERHOME DESIGNS

CarpentryKitchens - Bedrooms

Home Offices - Bathrooms Replacement Kitchen Doors

Worktops and Built in Appliances A complete design, supply and

installation service01525 405393 ans. phone

Mobile: 07889 058345

AA WINDOW REPAIRSAA WINDOW REPAIRS DOUBLE GLAZING REPAIR SPECIALIST

MISTY DOUBLE GLAZING REPLACED

DRAUGHTY WINDOWS REPAIRED

WINDOW & DOOR HANDLES REPLACED

WINDOW & DOOR ADJUSTMENTS

LEAKING GUTTERS REPAIRED

AND MUCH MORE ON OUR WEBSITE

CALL 24/7 FOR A FREE QUOTE OR ADVICE

TELEPHONE: 01525 718432 / 07432679405

www.aawindowrepairs.co.uk

Page 12


CANCER (June 22-July 23) Your love life appears to be a bit on the shaky side. Is it because you refuse to back down? You can’t always have things your own way. LEO (July 24-August 23) If you believe strongly enough that you can achieve what you want to - then you will. The difficult part is making the decision. VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) Your life should not consist of only work. There is time for relaxation but, quite simply, you have to take the time to create it. LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) Grab those ideas that are flitting about in your mind and write them down before they escape! That way you might carry some of them out. SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) The planetary aspects look very positive for those born around the middle of the month. Long distance travel is strongly indicated. SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) It takes a brave person to stand their ground while others may be doubting you. All should turn out as you hope but you may have to listen to others.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) Slowly does it. If you rush into anything without due consideration you could run headlong into a wall. Accept advice given freely. AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) Try to stay calm after the news you receive is not quite what you were expecting. There will always be another day. PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) Don’t worry about finances too much. Occasionally it does us all good to throw caution to the wind - as long as you do it cautiously. ARIES (March 21-April 20) After your recent birthday you probably feel a little older. No worries - wisdom comes with age - invest your cash carefully. TAURUS (April 21-May 21) There is a move afoot! Could be home or job but things look very positive indeed. Don’t rush headlong into a situation you can’t get out of. GEMINI (May 22-June 21) That old obstinate streak seems to be coming to the fore again. Just back off a little and you will find the compromise was well worth it.

We are a family run business who have been working in the motor trade for over 40 years

Total Fleet Care Unit 5, Vass Industrial Estate,

Station Road, Ampthill, MK45 2RB

Telephone: 01525 405055 Mob: 07821 179619 / 07891 282689

Web: www.totalfleetcare.com

DISCOUNT MOTs IN AMPTHILL

Plus ... Servicing and repairs for all types of vehicles

Free local delivery and collection Bodyshop Tyres and exhausts Courtesy car available Discounts for Pensioners Vehicle recovery service

Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: 01525 403319

email: [email protected] Engine & Tender - Bar

THURSDAY NIGHT IS ... ALE NIGHT

£2.50 a pint!

Monday 4th June Join us for a Jubilee Garden

Party with BBQ

Sunday 20th May QUIZ NIGHT - Cash Prizes!

OPEN MIC NIGHT Thursday June 7th

Please pop in for details

17th May

Spanish Grand

Prix 1.00 pm

27th May

Monaco Grand

Prix 2.00 pm

19th May Champions

League 7.45 pm Watch it

here!

ALL LIVE SPORTS SHOWN If it’s on -

it’s on here!

Plus selected wines at £10.00 a bottle every day!

Saturday 26th May 3 LEGGED CHARITY BEER RACE

Open 10.00 am for breakfast rolls then register from 11.00 am

Page 13


This is the time of year, I hear the people cheer, Yes they’re right - summer is here.

So to help the children enjoy the sun, We have a new range of toys come in,

To help increase their fun. We have toys for girls and toys for boys, footballs,

paddling pools, bubble sets, water guns to help them have a bit more fun,

All we need now is that nice hot sun. We also have a great range of lollies and ice creams too,

Displayed by the door all ready for you. A new range of adult and children’s books have

also just come in We have received so many we have just managed

to fit them all in. Good news for customers on the way

So let me tell you about big savings on newspapers that starts today.

We are running a great newspaper offer, where you get 6 weeks free delivery to your door,

So for more information please contact our store. So come to Martins and have a good look around,

Oh and I’ve just remembered to tell you we are still selling 2ltr cartons of milk for only £1.

YOUR LOCAL MARTINS NEWSAGENT 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL

01525 404096

The Green ManChurch EndEversholtMK17 9DU

Telephone – 01525 288111Website www.greenmaneversholt.com

THE QUEEN’S DIAMOND JUBILEE CELEBRATION

Saturday June 2ndCome and join us for our

‘CROWNS & TIARAS’ party!Kings and Queens throughout

the ages is the theme Fancy dress is most welcome

but not obligatory

LIVE BAND Starts at 8.00 pm

Fully QualifiedFully Insured10 years Salon Experience

Cuts •Colours• Blowdrys •Hair UpLadies• Gents •ChildrenIn the comfort of your own home

Ladies Cut & FinishRe Style / Long Thick, Cut & FinishGentChild fromBlowdryBlowdry / Long Thick HairHair UpFull Head FoilsLong Foils½ Head FoilsSemi Permanent ColourFull Head Permanent TintRoot Tint

£25.00£32.00£10.00£5.00£15.00£18.00£20.00£40.00£45.00£30.00£20.00£25.00£20.00

Free Consultation Sarah Aldous

Call: 07917 727 265 or 01234 768 706Email: [email protected]

Page 14


Page 15


Page 16


With Flora the Explorer Sometimes, air crew make an effort to make their in-flight announcements a bit more entertaining .... ‘As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.’ From a Airline employee: ‘There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.’ After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant got on the PA and said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tyre smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.’ Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: ‘We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.’ After landing: ‘Thank you for flying with us today. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.’ ‘Last one off the plane must clean it.’ Thanks for those Flora - please send us more!

To book an advertisement in our next edition please ring Martin on 01525 841434

...are Milton Keynes’s premier airport transfer company.

Whether a business trip, or a much needed break, Airports Direct are dedicated to getting you to

and from your airport stress free and in comfort and style. 100% reliable, professional service

guaranteed. DVD’s / coolers available.

T: 0800 707 6003 E: [email protected]

www.airportsdirectmk.com

33 White Alder, Stacey Bushes Milton Keynes, MK12 6HE

Company No. 5318754 (England & Wales)

TRY BEFORE YOU BUY(DARTS ONLY)

www.aspubsports.com

01525 862319Burgoine Business Center117 Clophill Road, Maulden, Bedford, MK45 2AE

Come visit our shop or buy online Opening times:

Mon - Fri: 9.00 - 17.00 Sat: 10.00 - 15.00

Special Offers:Free soft cue case worth £14.50

with any 50/50 cue.

Free unicorn dart leather walletworth £5.50 with any £50.00 purchase.

Free repointing service worth £5.00and dart points worth £0.40

with any £30.00 puchase on darts.

- Darts & Accessories- Pool / Snooker Cues & Equipment- Chess- Backgammon- Playing Cards- Dominoes- Cribbage

Page 17


Memory Foam Mattresses Direct from the manufacturer

at trade prices!

WWW.COMFORT MATTRESS.CO.UK

At Comfort Mattress we manufactureand distribute high quality

Memory Foam mattresses locallyfrom Shefford.

We sell direct to the public and tradecutting out the middle men, allowingus to sell a range of foam products at

FANTASTIC low prices!!Take advantage of massive

discounted prices only availablefrom our Factory Outlet at

12C Oldbridge Way, SheffordInd Est, Beds SG17 5HQ

30% Discount off web site prices with this voucher.

Not to used with any other offer

YOUR LOCAL

No.1For Scooters,

Stairlifts & Mobility

Can’t get to us? Call now to organise a free

no pressure home demonstration with one of our friendly

sales advisors.

Curved & Straight stairlifts available.

New and used Scooters, part ex

welcome.Wheelchairs,

Ramps, Walking Sticks, Grab Rails,

Tri-Walkers, Rollators, Bathlifts, Waterproof Clothing

& much more. For more information call us or

visit our website atwww.comforthomecare.co.uk

Page 18


Here’s more great photos of readers abroad! To the left our readers are at Queen Hatshepsut’s temple in The Valley of the Queens Egypt. Below is Vanessa Horn enjoying a beer and her Fuddler at Tofino which is on Long Beach, west coast of Vancouver Island. If you have any pictures of a Fuddler being read abroad p l e a se s e nd t h e m t o [email protected]

Home made Italian Food Vegetarian Dishes Birthdays

www.donatellos.org 91, Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: (01525) 404666

Parties Special Occasions Seats up to 80 People

Homemade food served in a friendly and relaxed

atmosphere

Page 19


Saturday 26th May sees the famous Ampthill 3 legged beer race which raises a tremendous amount of money each year for the Gambia and local charities. The event starts at the Engine and Tender pub in Dunstable Street, Ampthill where the lovely Louise will be preparing breakfast rolls from 10.00am before the registrations from 11.00 am. The race starts at 12.00 when the competitors have to complete a challenging course around the pubs in Ampthill culminating in a huge party at the Wingfield Club in Church Street, Ampthill. If you would like to take part sponsorship forms are available from the pubs in Ampthill or alternatively you could download a form at www.ampthillthreeleggedrace.com. You’ll also find full details on posters which are now displayed around the town. If you have not been involved or seen this annual spectacular event you should go along and watch the proceedings. It’s a great deal of fun and well worth supporting.

Fancy a dip? The lovely Woburn Lido in Crawley Road, Woburn opens on May 21st and is open every day from 10.00 am till 7.00 pm until the end of August. You can take a dip for £7.00 for adults and £4.50 for children or perhaps a family day ticket for £20.00. Senior Citizens also pay £4.50 but Senior Citizens also enjoy a free swimming concession before midday. Woburn residents may also obtain a season ticket.

36 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone 01525 634857

THANK YOU!!We are now South Beds Camra

Pub of the Year 2012

ANDBedfordshire Camra Pub of the Year 2012

Russell & the team

And don’t forget our 12 real ales and real ciders!

We didn’t want to shout about it but in July The Fuddler will be 10 years old!! To celebrate a

whole decade of Fuddling we will be creating a very special edition! So, to book your ad space please

ring Martin on 01525 841434

Page 20


Another reader has kindly forwarded this delicious sounding recipe to us: SAUSAGE BACON AND

LEEK CASSEROLE For 4 people you will need: 8 pork sausages from your local butcher 8 rashers of streaky bacon 1 large leek 1 tbsp cooking oil Gravy (either your own or simply use gravy granules and a couple of beef stock cubes) Something gentle to slurp whilst slaving over the hot stove! Firstly heat up the oil in a frying pan and fry sausages

until golden brown. Remove from pan and set to one side. Chop up the bacon and leek and add to pan and gently fry until cooked. Remove from pan and drain excess oil. Then chuck the sausages, chopped bacon, leek into an ovenproof casserole dish, cover with gravy and cook gently in a preheated medium oven for about 30 minutes or so to allow the flavours to infuse. (Also works well in a slow cooker.) Serve either with creamy mashed potato or if you are really hungry - cauliflower cheese!

‘To my darling husband, Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the drive. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from the supermarket, and when I turned into the drive I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the truck fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.’

Now turn to page 22 ...

True extracts from CVs sent to prospective employers 1.‘Finished eighth in a class

of ten.’ 2.‘Reason for leaving last

job: maturity leave.’ 3.‘Received a plague for

salesperson of the year.’ 4.‘References none. I’ve left

a path of destruction behind me.’

May 12th A very Happy

Birthday to Simon

Happy Birthday to ‘Smithy’ for the

17th May!

Your local specialist in UPVC for:- Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and

French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering

Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

ARAGON WINDOWSARAGON WINDOWS

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992

50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation

Page 21


AMPTHILL PLASTICS CELEBRATE THEIR 1ST YEAR AND THE SUCCESS OF THE

NEWLY STOCKED PRODUCT - THE HEDGEHOG! Open to Trade and DIY

Mon-Fri 7.30-4.30 Sat 8-12 M 07957 435556 T 01525 888510

TRADE ACCOUNTS WELCOME

SPECIAL OFFERS

FORMAY!

See below

MAY SPECIAL OFFERS - POP IN TO FIND OUT MORE!

Support your local business

Stop blocked gutters and keep those gutters clean!

Easy to fit - all colours available from stock

Stock is selling fast so call in to get your gutters protected this

summer ...

PRODUCT & BUILDING ADVICE AVAILABLE With over 22 years

experience of building

Fascia, soffit,all gutteringand fixings

Tools & Fixings counter NOW OPEN!

Underground drainage Paving inspection chambers Sand, cement, plaster, tools,dust sheets, gloves etc.

Free local delivery COMING SOON

MDF SKIRTINGS AND WINDOW BOARDS!

AMPTHILL PLASTICS Unit 20 Ampthill Business Park, Station Rd, Ampthill

We are soon moving into new indoor buildings on the Ampthill Industrial Estate - see signs and ads for details

Page 22


Hello! I wonder if you recognise me? I am an actress currently appearing on your television screens in a very well watched legal type US programme, the name of which sometimes gets confused with another show! Answer at the foot of the page.

Julianna Margulies - The Good Wife

With Ann, Robin & Son, Here’s even more of the daft answers that games how contestants come up with when faced with the pressure of the cameras!Something that comes in 7's: ..................................... ‘Fingers’ A type of cut: ................................................................ ‘Skull’ Something you keep in a garden shed: ................ ‘A gardener’ A song with moon in the title: .................. ‘Blue Suede Moon’ A character from Little Red Riding Hood: ...................... ‘Hansel and Gretel’ Something you might find in a garage: ...........‘A grand piano’ Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: ... .................................................................................‘Your legs’ A popular TV soap: .......................................................‘Dove’ A way of toasting someone: .................................‘Over a fire’ A yellow fruit: ............................................................‘Orange’ An occupation where you need a torch: .................‘A burglar’ A wild animal that's native to Britain: .........................‘A bear’ An animal with horns: ................................................. ‘A bee’

(from page 20)

With Dave (Theo) Saurus A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. Oh Dear! But thanks!

We take care of EVERYTHING WE WILL DESIGN

AND INSTALL YOURBATHROOM,OLD SUITES

DISPOSED OF -

ALL WORK FULLY GUARANTEED BEAUTIFUL RANGE OF TOP NAME

SUITES & SHOWERS PLUMBING ELECTRICS

CARPENTRY TILING

FLOORING DECORATING

REFERENCES AVAILABLE

OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training

38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training,

Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn. A wide variety of Antiques, the biggest stock of

Moorcroft around and always quirky things. If you’re looking to sell antiques speak to Elfyn

01525 290950. Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Every Day

email: [email protected]

‘P.S. Your girlfriend called.’

Page 23


Answers by email to [email protected] or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!

With Lauren Louella Boughalls Hello again everyone and a massive thank you to all who correctly identified last month’s picture as Woburn, taken we believe in the early 1900’s. Unfortunately I have not got room here to name every person who sent an answer in but again thanks and congratulations to everybody. Now on to this month’s poser. Algi and I have not done much cycling of late with the torrential rains but we did find this photograph of a rather unusual roof arrangement in our files. Do you recognise where it could be?

Looking For Work?

FREE Careers Advice & Workshops

One to One sessionsCV WritingInterview Skills Job Hunting

Local venues around the region please contact Denise Watts for an appointment

01525 408098 [email protected]

Been made redundant?

Norman Mole A S S O C I A T E S

Tel/Fax: 01525 862121 Mobile: 07831 [email protected]

• Plans drawn for Home Extensions, New Build & Light Commercial

• Structural & Thermal Calculations

• Complete Service from Consultation, Design & Project Management

• Free initial Consultation to discuss your Proposed Project

A r c h i t e c t u r a l D e s i g n & B u i l d i n g C o n s u l t a n t s

Page 24


I NEED A CO-DRIVER TO CROSS

THE GIBSON Alice Springs to Well 35 on the Canning Stock Route 1976 and back

Day 6 Some time after leaving the rusting truck, we returned to another “milestone in the sand\”, this time is was almost a real milestone, we had noted it on the way out but now, in a more relaxed mood, we stopped. It was a stone cairn that must have taken quite a while to assemble, marking a point where two tracks crossed, Lodged in the top of the pile of stones was an old tin box, like we used to get loose tea leaves in. Inside was a small notebook and a small pencil,

the note book contained the obvious, the names and dates of previous folk to pass this point, There were quite a few but Piccadilly Circus, it was not. Gerry added our details to the list while I stood on the Land Rover bonnet and did a 360 degree pan with my Super 8 movie camera, ending with a “Lap dissolve” of the setting Sun ready for the next shot to follow. Of course I had no idea what that next shot would be. It turned out later to be quite a fortuitous decision as the next shots on the movie camera fitted in extremely well with the theme of the trip. We were lighter and closer to home; we avoided several of the problems we met on the way out. As an example, you will appreciate that these

tracks are not in regular use. Sometimes you will find a substantial bush almost a small tree growing in the middle of the road, this does suggest that no one has been here for a while! On one occasion we found the track had been seriously eroded because a monitor lizard had made her home in the middle of the track. But the worst problem occurred when a flash flood during a rare thunderstorm had destroyed the “real” track and created what appeared to be a new real track, it is hard to describe but this could lead to a point where the track would take you gently down a narrow valley to a dead end, as if a JCB had dug a narrow trench going down say, 10 feet over the course of 70 feet

along, and then just forgotten to dig a way out. The point is that we found several such problems on the way out and knew where to expect some of them on the way back. We made good time. BUT! we had lasted for six days on the food and water we left with and had planned to replenish supplies en-route! At the point where we decided to make what we hoped would be our last bush camp we had less than TWO pints of fresh water left and very little food. I used my half of the water to make a nice strong mug of tea and Gerry had another Vesta Curry, he was a tough guy.

Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

Building Preservation Specialists Damp Proofing Woodworm Treatments Dry / Wet Rot Treatments Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655Mobile: 07850 727752 email: [email protected]

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

To Let AMPTHILL TOWN CENTRE LOCATION

A SUITE OF 2 SELF CONTAINED OFFICES WITH SHARED WELFARE

FACILITIES AND PRIVATE PARKING Convenient Town Centre location 422 sq feet N.I.A Rent £625.00 pcm inclusive of Rates and Utilities Private Parking Shared Kitchen and Welfare facility Gas Central Heating Please telephone 01525 403333 for further details or request to view

T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

* INTERESTING RANGE OF SPECIALITY SAUSAGES

THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE

85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282

www.thefirsatridgmont.co.uk

GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS!Bed & Breakfast from only £25.00 pppn

CONTRACTORS WELCOME

Why not call in for one of our FAMOUS ALL DAY BREAKFASTS?

Plus … Teas, coffees, sandwiches, rolls and a large selection of home cooked meals at

£5.00 or less! Eat in or take away

Page 25


All Ampthillians who enjoy a fun night out and at the same time welcome an excellent chance of winning pots of money are invited to get themselves to Parkside Hall on Saturday 19th

May at 7.30 to do battle with hordes of frogs! But don’t worry guys - these frogs are definitely friendly and non-reptilian! So many of you had such a great night out at the last Frog Racing Event that we are going to do another! Each Frog Race is sponsored by local businesses and masses of local people are buying frogs to race on the night. Frogs are only £1 each and you have a 1 in 8 chance of winning a fiver! All proceeds are going towards this year’s Ampthill Festival and Gala so every one in Ampthill will benefit. To get your tickets for this event or to buy some frogs please contact Belinda on 07880 734148 or Jill on 07840 932930 or just pop into the Cottage Bakery on Dunstable Street. If you would like to promote your business with sponsorship give Belinda or Jill a ring. **Remember Festival Dates for your Diaries: AmpRocks Friday 29th June; Proms in the Park Saturday 30th June, Gala Day 1st July. We also have a very warm welcome for any volunteers who want to help with all or any of the above. Ring Jill Rose on 07840932930/[email protected] and keep checking our website on www.ampthillfestival.co.uk

Ampthill Festival is holding its annual Boules competition this year on Saturday 16th June. The exciting difference this year is that it is being run in conjunction with the Beer Festival at Ampthill Rugby Club. The Boules will start at 2.30 and is open to anyone who wants to compete – novices as well as experts. Hopefully, visitors to the Beer Festival will take the opportunity to take a break between pints and have a ‘fling’ and those who have come for the tournament will taste a few pints between ends! Watch out for the posters and June’s Fuddler for more details. Any questions or queries ring Jill on 07840932930.

Your chance to be Ampthill Festival Queen 2012! The selection for the Queen and her Princesses is on May 19th at 9.30 am in the Methodist Church Room. We are looking for girls who can smile and wave as they lead the parade on 1st July.

Suffering with Account Headaches?

Stupefied by Tax Returns?

Struggling with Tax Surcharges?

Speak to us for a Free Consultation

D.G.STORY & COMPANY SELF EMPLOYED TAX AND ACCOUNTS

07790 672699 [email protected]

Lawnmowers and Garden Machinery

SALESSERVICING

REPAIRS

Most makes including Hayter, Mountfield, Atco,

Honda, Flymo etc etc

Open 7 Days a week ample parking

Internet sale prices from an

authorised agent/shop

www.lawnmowersbedford.co.uk

Call 01525 840 270or 01234 771 332

What’s on at The Queens Head ...

The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee Celebrations

2nd - 5th JuneThere’s loads of ‘stuff’ going on at The Queens! Too much to list here but you assured of plenty of fun and surprises, maybe a little music and of

course a great range of beers to taste! Please pop in for details.

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY9.00 pm - no entry fee and everyone welcome

SUMMER LADIES DARTS LEAGUEMeeting here for the season - please ask for details.

SUNDAY LUNCHESDelicious Roasts served all day

PRIVATE PARTIES CATERED FORPlease ask for details

REAL ALESUp to 8 real ales available for your enjoyment.

CATCH THE LAST OF THE DAY’S SUNSHINE!On our sunny side patio (when the rain stops!)

Page 26


Here’s a little more whimsy and interesting tales and facts from the pen of Montgolfier: The most expensive afternoon tea in the country is now £85.00 and is in London. (Includes a glass of champagne.) Fuddlerland tea rooms and garden centres are a lot cheaper - do try them. There are 15,000 microscopic hairs in each of out ears. They don’t re grow and once they’re gone - they’re gone. A bit like my head. On having a chicken meal one person said ‘This is a big leg - is it one of the back ones?’ Do you know I’ve never yet seen a four legged chicken. As a good lad I have now removed my hosepipe and stowed it away. But I have put a one foot piece of hosepipe on the tap to save spilling water if I want to fill a container. Can I still be done for using a hosepipe? There doesn’t appear to be anything about how long a pipe can be. One foot or one mile? What has up to now been referred to as accidents on motorways and roads will in future be called incidents so that someone will be held responsible. The reason you see avenues of Lime trees leading up to country houses etc is because lime trees can be cloned and will all look the same in size and height. Did you know that all words in Japanese end with ‘N’ or a vowel? My friend Miles is nothing to do with distances Another newspaper misprint: The police officer stopped him for not riding a motorcycle while wearing a helmet.

Tel No: 0790 185 3737 Email: [email protected]

81 High Street, Cran eld, Bedford, MK43 0DP

Looking for someone to x, the little things?

We have the solution. We manage a variety of contractors and have them available for your entire home and

business related maintenance, inside and out.

Whatever the size, No job too big or small.

Please call, for a FREE no obligation quote for any of the following:

• Cleaning - Weekly monthly or just the once! • Carpet Cleaning - Replacement Carpets • Decorating - painting, wall papering or external • Plumbing - new boiler, service or broken down • Guttering and Fascia boards • Gardening • Replacement windows or glass • Carpentry - from a shelf to a cabinet

• Electrical - re-wiring or tting a light

Not on the list? Don’t worry, we have more services available

Home Improvements 4 Less!

One call, does it all!

Page 27


Here’s a bit more nonsense that I’ve just come across: Look at the following:

COD2MV110b Can you see what it means? If not look at the bottom of the page!

Turn the page upside down and look at the word in a mirror!

I wanted to impart a message to my reader that I have not been able to write my normal column this month as I have been to far away places in search of adventure. However you will be pleased to know I shall return next month!

MOREGHOSTLY

GOINGS ON! By Lissie Early in the 1900’s a great knight in armour is said to have been seen riding his horse along the road from Ampthill to Millbrook. The apparition, luminous in the mist, appeared before the eyes of several astonished travellers on the road! Soldiers on sentry duty at the gates of Ampthill Park declared that this knight was seen to descend from the hill where the castle once stood in the park and move slowly towards the road, where it disappeared in the direction of Millbrook.

Lissie

With Al B. Suppin

In English pubs, unruly customers were told to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down – and so began the phrase "mind your P's and Q's". (Another explanation is customers were being warned about the potency of the beer. At 'freehouses' where people could make and sell their own beer, there was less control on the alcohol content.) Saint Arnold, a bishop born in 580, is considered the patron saint of beer. He encouraged people to drink beer instead of water during the Plague. Indeed, the Plague suddenly disappeared once his word spread (though some suggest because beer was boiled in the brewing process, it would have been safer than water, which had previously spread the infection.) When Saint Arnold died in 640, the citizens of his hometown carried his body from Remiremont to Metz for reburial in their church. On this journey, another miracle occurred – when the weary porters stopped to share their only mug of beer, they discovered the mug never ran dry. Historians report that during the Middle Ages, when monks were brewing their beer in their monasteries, each monk was allowed to drink 5 quarts of beer a day.

Our grateful thanks once again Al!

CALL NOW FOR A FREE NO OBLIGATION QUOTE

01525 862744 / 07999 909982Email: [email protected]

Your LocalLocal Carpet and Upholstery Cleaning Service ‘Providing a Hassle Free service from our professional and friendly cleaners’

All furniture moved and replaced

Stain and odour removal

All work fully insured and guaranteed

Stain Shield protective treatments

*** See our new website at www.thecarpetman-bedfordshire.co uk ***

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONS

NICEIC Approved Contractor

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

Extensions Conservatories & Windows Kitchens & Bathrooms Fencing PatiosElectrical And … Lots More!

Page 28


Documents

The Fuddler May 2012