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Pittsburgh Inebriated Thirsty Thursdays Issue #36 5/24/16
www.pitth3.com
PITT SHIT The
“All the booze that’s fit to print”
April 28, 2016 Trail #98
Who: Muff Warmer, Porn Again, and TightE
When: Thursday, April 28 @ 6:30 PM
Where: Mixtape - 4907 Penn Avenue (Garfield)
http://mixtapepgh.com/
What: Come help Tight Embouchure, Muff
Warmer, and Porn Again Christian fight for a living
wage in Garfield. There will be enough derelict
cityscape and mountains of trash to make Trump
want to build a wall around the area. Mixtape for
the on-out and the on-after. On-out promptly at
7ish or whenever ManG gets around to blessing
the hares.
TRAIL STATS:
RUN #: 98 DATE: April 28, 2016
MILES: 3.7 ATTENDANCE: 45 (31 M / 14 F)
START: Mixtape – Garfield
TEMPERATURE: 50 degrees F
HARES: Tight Embouchure, Porn Again Christian, Muff Warmer
Commemoratives:
Tags (10 trails, 1 hare): IHOP
Cup (25 trails, 3 hare): 7 Layer Dip
Patch (50 trails): Glitter Spitter, Cuffed & Battered
Re-Naming: Ur-A-Gay Gloryhole is now Sultan of Skin
Ur-A-Gay Gloryhole
is renamed Sultan
of Skin
Hashers on Trail #98 7 Layer Dip Defender of Peedom Just Desiree OCD Spinning Midget
Any Cock’ll Do Double Stuffed Just Lela Ogre Strap On
Bubba Drunk Drunk Dynasty K9 69 Porn Again Christian Sweetums
Cock in a Net Fantastic Foreskin Lips of Steel Potty Guard T-Bag
Cock Smitten Gaggle Cock Major Pecker Pounded in the Can The Black Clap
Cream of Mushroom Gay Horse Dancer Moaning Lisa Scrum Guzzler Tight Embouchure
Cuffed & Battered Glitter Spitter Muff Warmer Shameless Cussy Titty Whiskers
Dabenz ICP No Code Shanghiney Ur-A-Gay Gloryhole
Death Marshall IHOP Noah Spermit Wroughten
Pittsburgh Inebriated Thirsty Thursdays Issue #36 5/24/16
www.pitth3.com
PITT SHIT The
“All the booze that’s fit to print”
Trail #98 Review by Cream of Mushroom
Pittsburgh neighborhood trends change quickly. Bloomfield isn't so cool anymore and Larryville is rapidly becoming
gentrified so Garfield is, naturally, the new hip hood. Penn Ave has been freshly paved with new sidewalks and trash
cans. And although it is still home to Kraynicks, the original DIY bicycle shop, Garfield now has an Aldi and a new
coffee shop/bar/music venue called Mixtape. When we showed up at Mixtape they were playing vintage movies on
their wall projector, serving a selection of ironic canned beers, and not accepting any tips (convenient for cheap
hashers who are still figuring out how to tip correctly).
After hanging around for a while, TightE, Muff Warmer, and Porn Again started trail off along the Penn Ave corridor,
turning left by a fantastic old graffitied American car, and heading up into the hills by the old school. Well-worn
hashing territory for sure but for good reason. Punishing hills, a decent amount of urban shiggy, and enough streets
not on a grid pattern to make for a confusing trail.
The first beer stop was by an abandoned street turned trash dump overlooking the very end of the cemetery. Glitter
Spitter accidentally kicked an old toilet which sliced through his shoe leaving a nasty gash in his foot. As far as I can
tell, he survived. After leaving the first beer stop I ran into the back landscaping entrance to the cemetery, thinking
the hares were going to reuse even more trail from the first PITTH3 AGM trail. I was fooled though because that
was the end of trail recycling until the very end at circle. After that I was only fooled by the tight layout of the trail.
More than once I would be checking and would unknowingly start following marks from a false from an earlier part
of trail that I hadn't checked.
The second beer stop was by the water tower. Scrum and Gaggle decided they knew where they were and zenned
to the beer stop (missing a pretty decent portion of trail) while Defender ended up stumbling upon Porn Again who
had gotten separated from the other hares and, lost and confused, ran to the beer stop. After we all arrived at the
beer stop, we realized we were being checked out by some security guards in the neighboring housing project. In an
attempt to avoid the cops getting called, Shameless Cussy and TightE went over and talked to them and reported
back that they were just smoking and bullshitting and were just as wary of us as we were of them.
Circle was by the field of the old school. Potty Guard did an excellent job... of making up lyrics to songs she forgot
the words to. Defender did an excellent job of taking pictures of EVERYTHING, without consent, and never posting
them online. He did take a lot of selfies so he must be saving them for his spank bank. IHOP got his tags, 7 Layer
got his cup, GLTR and Cuffed & Battered got their patches and Ur-A-Gay Gloryhole, aka Personal Pan Pete, aka Pizza
Pete, aka Pete the Meat is now known as Sultan of Skin.
And the penguins won!
Upcumming Trails: Thurs 5/26 @6:30 pm: PITT #101 – Spirit
Sun 5/29 @ 2 pm: PGH #1727 – Double Stuffed’s House
Mon 5/30 @ 2 pm: Nuts in May – Ohiopyle
Thurs 6/2 @ 6:30 pm: PITT #102 Weekend Pre-Lube – TBA
Fri 6/3-Sun 6/5: PGH Analversary Weekend Campout
Thurs 6/9 @ 6:30 pm: PITT #103 - TBA
To sign up for a trail, submit write-ups
for the newsletter, etc. please send us
an email.
Pittsburgh Inebriated Thirsty Thursdays Issue #36 5/24/16
www.pitth3.com
PITT SHIT The
“All the booze that’s fit to print”
-
PITT H3 Half Marathon Beer Stop – 5/1/16
Pittsburgh Inebriated Thirsty Thursdays Issue #36 5/24/16
www.pitth3.com
PITT SHIT The
“All the booze that’s fit to print”
Pittsburgh Inebriated Thirsty Thursdays Issue #36 5/24/16
www.pitth3.com
PITT SHIT The
“All the booze that’s fit to print”
Place Name
2016 Time
2015 Time
1 Just Mark* 07:40.3 N/A
2 Molly Swallows 08:06.1 N/A
3 Creamy 08:07.9 08:51.9
4 Muff Warmer 08:27.5 09:07.5
5 ICP 09:16.6 11:12.6
6 GLTR 10:00.0 N/A
7 Mayor Bloomy 10:27.9 10:26.7
8 Just Steve K 10:35.0 12:53.2†
9 Just Joe* 11:13.7 N/A
10 Scrum Guzzler 11:32.4† 08:47.5
11 Sultan of Skin 12:14.9 12:17.9
12 Moaning Lisa 12:15.9 N/A
13 IHOP 13:17.4 N/A
*Not a hasher (yet) †Penalty lap for vomiting
PITT H3 Spring 2016 Beer Mile – 5/5/16
Pittsburgh Inebriated Thirsty Thursdays Issue #36 5/24/16
www.pitth3.com
PITT SHIT The
“All the booze that’s fit to print”
May 6, 2016 Trail #99 Who: Wheelbarrow Willie, My Hog n Me, ICP
When: Friday 5/6 @ 6:30 pm
Where: Roundabout Brewery - 4901 Butler St, Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania 15201
What: Make mom proud, because we know she'd like
nothing more than to see you drink while running this
Mother's day weekend. Invite her to Apres!
Wheelbarrow Willie, ICP, and MyHogNMe will take you on
another legendary darkside trail hared by two guys who
barely know what they're doing and one who's
wholeheartedly phoning it in. We'll meet up at Roundabout
brewery in Larryville at 6:30 and will head out at 7. We may
or may not proceed to drink/run through at least a dozen
boroughs. See you at Franktuary after.
This run will have hardly any shig and will be SUPER flat trust
us. Perfect for breaking in new running shoes and gear. Bring
your dog if your dog is a sadist. Headlamp/flashlight a must,
prepare to stumble more miles than you can count on one
hand.
TRAIL STATS:
RUN #: 99/Darkside 14 DATE: May 6, 2016
MILES: 6.3 ATTENDANCE: 35 (22 M / 13 F)
START: Roundabout Brewery – Lawrenceville
TEMPERATURE: 52 degrees F
HARES: Wheelbarrow Willie, My Hog n Me, ICP
Virgins: Just Dave, Just Ed, Just Eric
Visitors: Tranny Cock Kicker (CFH3 Iowa)
Naming: Just Nate is now Beets The Shit Outta Me
Hashers on Trail #99
Any Cock’ll Do Just Patrick
Bit O’ Honey Major Pecker
Bubba Drunk Moaning Lisa
Buffalo Nut Muff Warmer
Cock Smitten My Hog n Me
Cuffed & Battered Narco Polo
Dirty Gerbil Noah
Double Stuffed Ogre Under
Gaggle Cock Scrum Guzzler
Gay Horse Dancer Shitty Titty Gang Bang
ICP Six Cooter
IHOP T-Boner
Just Dan P The Black Clap
Just Dave Tranny Cock Kicker
Just Ed Well Drilled
Just Eric Wheelbarrow Willie
Just Lela Wroughten Pussy
Just Nate
NEW HAB COMING SOON
Cotton PITT Tank Tops
More Gray Tech Shirts
Pittsburgh Inebriated Thirsty Thursdays Issue #36 5/24/16
www.pitth3.com
PITT SHIT The
“All the booze that’s fit to print”
Trail #99/Darkside #14 Your Mother’s Hash Review by Major Pecker
As I sat in Roundabout, I was all ready to see some sadist dogs (based on the trail description). I was
wondering how they make the whips so the dogs can hold them with their paws. Sadly, no dogs fitting the
bill made it to trail, and instead we had to settle for a bunch of masochistic hashers. We set off in the rain
on what we were assured would be a trail living up to the Darkside legacy.
To punish us for our decision to come on trail, the hares decided to lead everyone straight up into Stanton
Heights. We tried to get some ice cream sandwiches at the 52nd Street Market on the way, but it was
closed (wtf?) and had to instead settle for the creamy banana shot stop up in some shiggy far above Butler
Street. This was a short reprieve during our continued uphill climb, and we continued up until we got to
the baseball field atop Stanton Heights. The walkers at the back found the “BN” (which was about ¼ mile
from the beer), and had to spend a decent amount of time searching for the pack until we found them
secreted down in the woods off the side of the park.
At the first beer stop, the hares laid a “short-stupid” split. I don’t know which direction was which, but
given the amount of shiggy on the leg I took I’m guessing to the right out of the beer stop wasn’t the short
path. Right as the sun set, we broke free of the shiggy and continued on through the streets. As we hit a
check, we saw Scrum Guzzler trying to climb up a wall across Stanton. This wasn’t trail, but I guess he just
felt the urge to make trail even more difficult than it had to be. The trail then led on a long, meandering
path through the cemetery at night (soooooper spooky). Apparently the hares left a “riddle check”
somewhere on this leg – although I’m not sure how we were supposed to see and then decipher a picture
drawn in flour at 10pm on a moonless night in the woods. Needless to say, their prize was unclaimed that
night. Fortunately, there was another beer stop which was more than enough prize for me.
As we left for the last leg of trial, Cock Smitten decided to make some friends (and channel his inner
preschooler) by jumping in every mud puddle on the way out shouting “PUDDLE!” I’m sure hashers around
him enjoyed their newly wet socks. The hares led us to the northern edge of the cemetery. Those of us
familiar with Allegheny Cemetery knew there were only two ways out, and when trail led up to the hole in
the fence we blithely ignored the False and decided to make our own trail down Stanton.
Unfortunately, Gaggle Cock, Muff Warmer, and a few others (including one of our virgins) thought
theyknew exactly where circle would be, and they headed straight for the dock on 43rd street. The rest of
us circled around to the other cemetery exit, and found the hares waiting (they were displeased to see
everyone coming from the wrong direction). We started circle before the clever “short cutters” arrived,
Scrum showed off his impressive leg wound, and we named Just Nate Beets the Shit Outta Me. Shit trail.
