11/14/2017 Miami Book Fair: Here are the six people you will definitely meet if you go

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Posted on November 14, 2017

The six people you will meet at Miami Book Fair, whether youwant to or not

(http://www.miami.com/author/cogle)By Connie Ogle (/author/)For Miami.com

Miami (http://www.miami.com/tag/miami#navlink=storytag_top)

Miami Book Fair (http://www.miami.com/tag/miami-book-fair#navlink=storytag_top)

Miami Dade College (http://www.miami.com/tag/miami-dade-college#navlink=storytag_top)

Miami Book Fair is upon us again, showcasing our favorite authors and giving the finger toevery other snobby state that thinks nobody in Miami reads (we’re looking at you, NYC).

WHAT

WHEN

WHERE

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11/14/2017 Miami Book Fair: Here are the six people you will definitely meet if you go

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If you’ve never been to Miami Book Fair, well, here’s what you need to know: There are writersand readers and ideas and music and books for sale in English and Spanish and Creole. Youcan find a million things to do with your kids, and there’s usually a Clifford the Big Red Dogsighting. You can buy comics, watch cooking demonstrations and listen to your favoriteauthors read. Plus arepas.

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So you should go. And if you do, you will definitely meet these people.

The Friends of the Fair

Get used to the back row if you’re not a Friend of the Fair.

There are many of them, and they are going to get all the best seats because they are Friendsof the Fair (https://www.miamibookfair.com/membership-levels/). That means they donatedmoney, so they get first crack at tickets. Which is only fair. They will be out in force forpopular nonfiction authors like Walter Isaacson, local heroes like Carl Hiaasen and anybodywho ever ran for office. A disproportionate number voted for Hillary Clinton and are probablygoing to be giving former DNC chair Donna Brazile the evil eye during her appearance on Nov.15. They did not attend last year’s Bernie Sanders appearance

11/14/2017 Miami Book Fair: Here are the six people you will definitely meet if you go

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(http://www.miamiherald.com/entertainment/books/miami-book-fair/article115978298.html),but they will be out in full force to see former Vice President Joe Biden on Nov. 18 at the ArshtCenter.

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The collector/book seller with the giant bag

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11/14/2017 Miami Book Fair: Here are the six people you will definitely meet if you go

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You think he reads those books? Nope. He’s building a mansion out of first edition Bronte novels.

This is the guy – I don’t know why it’s always a guy, but it is – who stands in line for a booksign with a bag stuffed with books. If he’s a bookseller, he will have several copies of someobscure first edition he’s foolishly hoping to sell on eBay even though nobody even uses eBayanymore. If he’s a collector, the books will all be different and tenderly well-preserved. Eitherway, you’re going to wait awhile for that George Saunders autograph.

The audience member who rambles on at Q & A sessions

11/14/2017 Miami Book Fair: Here are the six people you will definitely meet if you go

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Listen, we know you have been practicing at home, but don’t turn your minute at the mic into “The King’s Speech.”

It’s easy to be the least popular person (http://www.miami.com/funny-stories/how-to-be-the-most-annoying-person-at-the-miami-book-fair-24948/) at Miami Book Fair. Just get up duringone of the Q & A sessions after each reading and ask several incoherent questions that havenothing to do with what the writer just talked about.

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The person who can't remember to mute his cell phone

Just put it on mute, OK?

You know who you are. We all loathe you.

The young and aspiring writer

11/14/2017 Miami Book Fair: Here are the six people you will definitely meet if you go

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If you ask nicely, or even not nicely, he will tell you about his upcoming self-published ebook about a writerstruggling to explain the plot of his upcoming self-published ebook.

These sincere people badly want to bond with all the published writers and would love to telleverybody within a 10-mile radius about their unpublished novel and/or poetry chapbook.Since they can’t, they will settle for talking about it during Q & A sessions while the rest of theaudience visibly fumes. In drastic cases, they will attempt to force upon an author of a copy oftheir unpublished novel and/or poetry chapbook. It’s a painful thing to witness. Don’t getbehind them in the signing lines, either.

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The thrifty shopper waiting for late Sunday sales

11/14/2017 Miami Book Fair: Here are the six people you will definitely meet if you go

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Out of my way, scrubs. I am leaving with all the books.

You will not catch this person in some drafty auditorium. She’s lurking around the book boothswith the stealth and swift reflexes of a predator, waiting for the vendors to unload books at areduced price so they don’t have to pack them up. Get out of her way.

IF YOU GO

Connie Ogle (http://www.miami.com/author/cogle) loves wine, books, movies, the Miami Heatand "Game of Thrones." Please don't make her eat a mango.

cogle@miamiherald.com (mailto:cogle@miamiherald.com)

Miamicom (https://www.facebook.com/Miamicom) @Miamicom (https://twitter.com/Miamicom)@miami_com (https://www.instagram.com/miami_com)

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