THE WARRIOR HEART Issue #01-14 01010101011111101

The Warrior

Heart

August 2014

IN THIS ISSUE

Thank you for taking the time to read this debut issue of The Warrior Heart. The intention behind this Newsletter is to feature some of the poetry and creative writing of military Veterans and their family members along with showcasing positive news and experiences in the Veteran world.

I am a Marine Corps combat Veteran of the Iraq War in 2003 and I began writing in 2012 as a way to combat the struggles of PTSD and a TBI brought on by a rocket explosion in the Battle of Baghdad. I attend many poetry readings to speak about the struggles of being a combat veteran and to speak out on the epidemic of suicide amongst our nation’s Veterans.

This Newsletter is simply another outlet I have chosen to get the word out about healing through creative

outlets, faith in our Lord Jesus Christ and utilizing our training as prior service members to continue pushing forward no matter the obstacles ahead of us.

Stay strong, stay motivated and always push forward. Much love and God bless.

-Andrew can be reached at arjones0351@gmail.com and www.facebook.com/AndrewJones0351

Letter from the Editor 1

In Memory of the Harmed Man 2

Just Die 2

Faces of Veteran Success: Lu Lobello 3

PTSD Tips 4

Soldier’s Poem 4

In The Spotlight: Squadbay, No Better Friend 5

Veteran Resources 6

Hello Darkness 7

Another Day 7

Letter to Post-War Self 8

Letter from the Editor Andrew R. Jones Iraq Veteran-2003

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One day I was witness to an act of horror. A man harmed for no logical reason. Because I did nothing, Because I said nothing, I owned a part of that deed and put the blackness of guilt in a corner of my heart. I allowed it to reside there and grow there, taking up valuable space there. Space that could have been filled with the warmth from the acts of love I have since received and not retained. Then one day when the dark memory surfaced I preformed a small act of kindness for a stranger. I noticed that a tiny particle of

cold darkness was replaced with a particle of warm light. I saw a path I could follow. Good deed after good deed. Act of kindness after act of kindness. Random smile after random smile. Less darkness, more light! A good addiction, finally! Was it possible that the receivers of the act of kindness would possibly pay it forward?

Not all of them but some of them? Not then but later? Would the one they helped, pass it on? A ripple that could go on, endlessly! I soon realized I could not change the past, but I could create those ripples of light over and over again. Each one moving forward forever and ever and ever.... In Memory of the Harmed Man.

Just Die Andrew R. Jones Iraq Veteran-2003

Like the back kick of a horse to

The gut.

But no – emptiness-

As if the kick left

Abundant darkness.

Sorrow.

Empty.

Viewed by a child’s eyes,

Underwater.

I want to breathe-

I wish I were not.

I am heavy with the weight of

memory-

What did I do?

What have I done?

Why am I here?

Bass rumbles through my skull as

Blood pounds with the

Force of rapids-

I want to die-

That pain will

Be mine.

I will no longer

Hurt them-

I've hurt them too much.

The thick salty snot drains to my

mouth,

I Swallow and choke.

Choke and just die.

In Memory of the Harmed Man Gordon R. Sorenson II Vietnam Vetrean-1967

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Lu Lobello is a Marine Corps combat Veteran of the Iraq War. Serving as an 0311 (Infantry) with Fox Co. 2nd Battalion 23rd Marines attached to the 1st Marine Division. He was an intricate part of combat operations from the Kuwaiti border to the capital city of Baghdad, including the cities of An Nasiriyah, Al Fajar and Al Gharraf. During the Battle of Baghdad, Lobello’s unit was ambushed at the intersection of Baladayat Street, where his unit suffered 13 casualties and battled Iraqi Forces throughout the night.

After returning home from Iraq, he was plagued with the memories of that battle, particularly the memory of a family that drove a convoy of three vehicles directly into the crossfire. Unsure if the vehicles were controlled by Iraqi Forces as suicide bombers, Lobello and his unit opened fire, killing all three drivers and injuring several passengers. He became determined to make contact with this family and began doing research. As fate would have it, a reporter named Dexter Filkins had been interviewing people at a local hospital and wrote an article about the family caught in the crossfire. Lobello contacted Filkins and the work was put in to contact

the family. In October of 2012, Lu Lobello and the Kachadoorian family met for the first time since the battlefield on April 8, 2003. Tears were shed and forgiveness was granted by the Kachadoorians. To this day, they remain good friends.

After finding the Kachadoorians, Lobello understood the importance of Veterans having a mission and fulfilling it. He understood Veterans could not just sit around and wither away into the darkness. With this understanding, he gathered a few Marine Corps brothers and Founded an organization called Squadbay.

The purpose of this organization is to deploy combat veterans to areas in need of humanitarian aid, while providing a safe sacred social space in their hometown, where they can go to process their combat traumas and plan deployments. After Typhoon Yolanda swept through the Philippines in November of 2013, Squadbay embarked on their first mission. By assisting in rebuilding homes, buying a fishing boat and handing out Christmas gifts and cash, Lu and the rest of the Squadbay team was

Faces of Veteran Success:

Lu Lobello, Iraq Veteran-2003

Andrew R. Jones Iraq Veteran-2003

instrumental in bettering the lives of the victims.

Lu continues to advocate for veterans and recently graduated from California Western School of Law. His wife is expecting their first child and he is continuing to move forward in life, always staying strong and staying motivated. Semper Fi Devil Dog. Oorah!!!

-More information on this story can be found at www.squadbay.org and Dexter Filkins’ article Atonement in The New Yorker

Follow Faces of Veteran Success at www.facebook.com/facesofveteransuccess

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PTSD Tips Andrew R. Jones Iraq Veteran-2003

WRITING

Whether it is journaling, poetry, short stories, a novel, a letter or just random scribbling, writing is absolutely one of the greatest ways to combat Post-Traumatic Stress.

Do not worry about your grammar and punctuation or thinking, “I’m not good at writing.” If you can write, then you are good enough.

Take the thoughts racing through your head and transfer them onto paper. A piece of paper can be the greatest listener you’ve ever had. It is patient and retains everything you say to it. When you are having trouble sleeping at night, pull out a pen and sheet of paper and just start writing about everything that’s on your mind. You will be surprised how calming and therapeutic it can be.

When you are done, you are free to destroy it or file it away somewhere. It doesn’t have to be saved and you are not obligated to share with anybody. Give it a shot and let me know how it goes. Stay strong and stay motivated. Much love and God bless.

FAITH

Having faith in your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will give you all the strength you need to carry on to the next day. He has freed you from all your sins and has brought you abundant life. Accept the peace and love he has bestilled in you and your life will change forever. Look into your local church for guidance.

Joshua 1 :9

Soldier’s Poem Michael Carroll Iraq Veteran-2003

We all know the colors we fly the sacrifices we make brings a tear to my eye

As we put on our boots and head off to war looking in the face of the devil kicking down his door

And thinking of our loved ones who we fight for Loyalty, Integrity, Honor, Trust we fight along side our brothers and sisters or bust

Yes the missions at hand are hard to do but we grit our teeth and follow through

Finishing our mission under the sun choking on sand holding our guns

But as we return with the burdens of war we continue on to settle a score

We know the colors we fly the sacrifices we make brings a tear to my eye

But the names of the fallen will not be forgotten

For as long as I live the saying remains Never leave a soldier behind broken burnt or just blown up

The thought of it makes me want to throw up

But as I end this rhyme that has taken your time remember this Every time whether in or out of War never leave a soldier behind.

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In the Spotlight: Squadbay, No Better Friend Andrew R. Jones Iraq Veteran-2003

Motivated by the strong family

bond created by the Reserve

Marines of Las Vegas and Salt

Lake City, Fox Co. 2/23 “Sinners

& Saints,” the Squadbay

organization was formed and fully

commits to assisting combat

veterans find a purposeful mission

to move forward in their journey of

healing from the atrocities

experienced while serving in a

combat zone.

Moving forward with the mission

of rapidly deploying combat

veterans to provide humanitarian

assistance to the hardest hit regions

of disaster relief areas, Squadbay

offers the opportunity for a combat

veteran to deploy with the intent to

bring life, instead of taking it. To

carry a hammer and shovel instead

of a rifle and ammo.

This scenario provides a recipe to

help two lives for the price of one;

by helping the combat veteran

rebuild his heart as the combat

veteran helps others rebuild their

lives. Already proven by the three

missions Squadbay has completed

in the Philippines since mid-

November; the Squadbay team

helped to patch wounds and redress

bandages to prevent infection in

children and adults alike. Upon

completing the much needed

Medical Mission, the Squadbay

team transitioned into a Christmas

Gift Giving Mission; handing out

wrapped presents to the children

and bringing smiles to families.

After the first of the year,

Squadbay Founder & CEO, Lu

Lobello, deployed for the purpose

of purchasing a fishing boat so the

people could continue their

livelihood.

“We stand by the philosophy,

‘Give a man a fish and you feed

him for a day, but teach a man to

fish and you feed him for a

lifetime,’ says Lobello about

purchasing a boat and getting the

fishermen back out to the water.

As the lives of the Philippine

people are improving, the hearts of

the warriors helping them are

healing. Based out of Las Vegas,

Squadbay has dedicated their

hearts to improving the lives of

combat veterans while

simultaneously improving the lives

Photo By:

Steve“Doc”

Bernard

during

mission in

Guatemala

of disaster victims. This 2-for-1

deal on saving lives is priceless

when it comes to donations. Be

sure to follow the progression of

Squadbay at www.Squadbay.org

as they embark on future missions

and learn how you can donate time,

money and supplies. The future of

Squadbay is illuminated with

success and is bringing pride to the

local citizens and military

personnel of Las Vegas.

-Donations can be made directly to Squadbay at their website www.squadbay.org

-Follow Squadbay on Facebook and Twitter at www.facebook.com/squadbay and www.twitter.com/foxcosquadbay

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Vet Resources

VETERAN’S CENTER

Available for FREE to ALL combat Veterans of any war. Separate from the VA and they offer one on one as well as group counseling. Go to http://www.va.gov/directory/guide/vetcenter_flsh.asp to find a Vet Center near you and give them a call to set up an appointment.

THE MERRITT CENTER OF ARIZONA

Basic Training for Life Retreat Program for combat Veterans of all wars. 7-day and 3-day programs available for FREE. Open to combat Veterans from everywhere. Ran primarily by other combat vets as mentors to new vets. Experience this life-changing program and contact them by going to http://www.merrittcenter.org/vets/vet-program.htm

HEALING WARRIOR HEARTS (CENTER FOR CREATIVE LEARNING)

Healing Warrior Hearts provides programs for military personnel and their families, dedicated to healing the emotional, moral and spiritual wounds of war. Located in Milwaukee, WI and ran by Patricia Clason, this program is amazing and helps you combat your struggles in very unique and effective ways. Contact them at http://starfishfound.org/veterans/ NON-PROFIT VETERAN’S ORGANIZATIONS

Love Your Veterans https://www.facebook.com/LoveYourVeterans

One Warrior Won https://www.facebook.com/OneWarriorWon

Squadbay https://www.facebook.com/squadbay

THE WARRIOR HEART | Issue #01-14 7

Hello Darkness

Joye (Grace) Howell US Army Vet-’81-‘91

Three A M I'm up Again Hello Darkness You are NOT my Friend The world is Dark Just like my Heart These burdens I bare No one seems to care The Secrets I Keep Run way too Deep To climb to the top It's way too steep I do the laundry Every day I want to wash it Away It's here to stay I want to stray Keep Rollin', Keep Movin' Stay on the Run Lookin' for Action Searching for Fun Regress, oh yes That's what I do best It's what I know That's where I go Escape the Pain There is No Way Maybe, Just Maybe SOMEDAY

Another Day Todd Samuelson Iraq Vet-2003

Somewhere in the dark he sits, gun and a note in hand thinking of the deeds that he's done for this land.

He thinks of Brothers Fallen, a wife who left him crying and a child he left behind, he thinks of all he's lost of things he needs to find.

He doesn't know it's hope he's lost that hope's a precious find.

He knows his time is through and he will wait no more as he puts the note away and sits upon the floor.

You see, he put a tarp down as not to make a mess but he couldn't leave his living room, the only place he could rest.

His boy is in his mind and his boy is saying "No!"

His boy starts to cry saying "Daddy please don't go!"

He starts to cry but he's got a fatal grin as he puts the piece in place, the barrel under his chin.

"Oh God help me out cause it's time for me to go, why should I stay here I want to end this show."

"You say I should stay I don't know what for, give me a sign why I should stay for more."

"I Knew you wouldn't answer!" Outside it starts to rain and it really begins to pour, the rain slows him just enough to hear a knocking on his door.

"Joe answer the door, it's me. Joe it's Clay!"

"Ok." He whispers as he throws the gun away, just one more day.

THE WARRIOR HEART | Issue #01-14 8

Letter to Post-War Self Andrew R. Jones Iraq Vet-2003

Dear Post-War Andrew,

How’s your sleep? Hahahaha… that probably isn’t as funny to you as it is to me 11 years later. Quit looking at all of your war photos and go turn on a funny movie. It doesn’t hurt to laugh from time to time. I know, you don’t like being told what to do, but this is me talking to you. Laugh and smile until your face hurts and you can’t breathe. Laugh so hard you think you’re going to suffocate and your stomach tightens tighter than the first girl you had sex with. Speaking of sex, you see that girl lying in your bed right now? That chick is crazy. That chick is so crazy she is going to threaten to blow her brains out on the front doorstep of the next girl you start seeing. And guess what? That chick is crazy too. Like total bat shit crazy. Like, you’re going to think “What the FUCK” more times than there are grains of salt in the sea. But she’s going to give you two of the greatest gifts you will ever receive. I don’t wanna spoil it too much for you, but these two little boys are fantastic. Remember that heart you had before Iraq? They both got it. And they are instrumental in you getting yours back.

You got a rough road ahead of you. You’re going to hurt some people, mentally and physically. You’re going to hurt and disappoint every member of our family. Handcuffs will become a fashion accessory and pain pills might as well come from a PEZ dispenser. You’re going to become a wanderer with no idea of where you belong or who you are. Your belongings will fit in a duffle bag that you keep in the back of your Saturn SC-1 because you’re not sure where you’re going to sleep at night. You’re going to find yourself in a dark walk-in closet with your H&K USP .45 pressed beneath your chin. Remember that crazy “What the FUCK” chick I mentioned earlier. Don’t listen to her. The only thing you need to listen to is your son in the other room. The only thing you need to understand is even at your worst, you are better to your son alive than dead. Don’t you ever, EVER forget that.

You got a rough road ahead of you. Believe it or not, it gets better. There’s this chick that’s going to come into your life. And guess what? This chick is crazy. Crazy because she ends up loving you. Crazy because by the ever-loving grace of God she puts up with your stupid ass. Crazy because she will pray for you every day, knowing you are cursing God at the same time. Crazy because her prayers work and you will one day drop to your knees begging for God to show you the way. This woman of God becomes your saving grace and reminds you of all the reasons you have to smile and love once again. This woman of God will heal your heart and brighten your future. Don’t you ever, EVER let this woman go.

You are going to do God’s work and you are going to save lives and change the world. You are going to stand behind microphones and in front of crowds telling your story. You’re a good man Andrew Jones… and I love you.

Truly Yours,

Andrew Jones

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