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The Canterville Ghost

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The Canterville

Ghost

John Gleadall

Based on the story by Oscar Wilde


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Dramatis Personae (in order of appearance)

Agnes de Canterville Suffragette/WW1 Nurse

Lady Eleanor de Canterville (Miss C) NQT titled teacher

Ginny Class member

Susie Class member

Lady Honoria de Canterville The Countess

Named UK Class members:

Carla, Danny, Billy, Maisie, Charlie, Sarah, George, Jimmy Baker, Billy Rooney and

Megan

Mrs Whackem Strict Headteacher

Mr Eve Harassed Deputy Head

Bus Driver Angry Bus Driver

Sir Rupert de Canterville The 14th Earl

Mr Umney Butler

Mrs Umney Housekeeper

Millie The Maid Castle Staff

Freddie The Footman Castle Staff

Wentworth de Canterville Gold Prospector

Sir Simon de Canterville (deceased) The Canterville Ghost

Otis Canterville American Cousin – headteacher

Albert de Canterville Amazonian Explorer

Chorus of Housemaids/footmen

Chorus of Ghost dancers

Named USA class members : Beckett, Paxton, Marlee, Audrina, Madison, Hiram, Byron, Washington,

Named Local children: Zak, Karen, Owen, Sally, George, Ralph, Susan


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ACT 1

Scene 1

A typical junior school classroom suggested by easily movable props including a sign reading '6C Miss Canterville' -also some art work/ project posters which can be reversed to show ancestral portraits/coats of arms, maybe an ‘Our Trip To The Isle Of Wight’ poster.

Miss Canterville is an NQT who is having difficulties with her class. She is in her class-room at lunchtime getting ready for the afternoon session, marking books.

Sound Cue 1

Agnes de Canterville enters in her nurse outfit, carrying a book of the Canterville family tree. She takes up a position at a lectern as if about to give a lecture.

AGNES Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to an evening of quite sensational revelations concerning my ancestor Sir Simon de Canterville – the Canterville Ghost! He’s been hanging around since 1592 – no wonder he’s so grumpy! Tonight we tell the story of how he found peace. By the way I’m Agnes de Canterville, the famous suffragette. I was born in 1893 and you will see my adventures a little later on. But our story starts a little closer to home – at (name) school in fact where a newly qualified teacher has just taken over her class for the first time – here she is doing her mark-ing at lunchtime – most of the staff are up in the staffroom taking it easy, as usual, but here’s my descendant Lady Eleanor de Canterville in her new job. That’s my girl! It seems that these days women can do any job a man can do – and do it twice as well!!!

MISS C Right – let’s mark the geography test (she picks up a book and marks it) oh, that’s not right. ‘ A consonant is a large area of land surrounded by water’! Let’s try History – Oh dear! ‘Joan of Arc was Noah’s sister’! What about literacy. This is good, ‘John Milton wrote “Paradise Lost” – then his wife died and he wrote “Paradise Regained”’

Sound Cue 2

Her mobile phone rings (special ringtone). Ginny and Susie enter and hide away, listen-ing to what’s going on - they mime through the phone conversation - poking fun at Miss Canterville.

MISS C Hello Mummy (she puts the phone onto the speaker and carries on with her marking)

Voice offstage, preferably through a mic with all bass frequencies removed, giving a phone voice effect.

LADY C. Hello Ellie - how's your little job going?

MISS C. Just perfect Mummy - the children are all little angels and they love me! How are you and Daddy - have you sold the castle yet?

LADY C. No - the people who were going to buy were scared off - literally!

MISS C Sir Simon?


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LADY C. Of course. Anyway Daddy has come up with a new plan - he wants to rent out the Castle as a residential centre, you know - arts courses, school groups - now - that’s a good thought! What about your pupils?

MISS C. Not a chance Mummy! For a start we're already booked to go to the Isle of Wight next week and for another thing, nobody at school knows that I'm Lady Eleanor de Canterville and my parents live in a Castle - and I'd rather keep it that way.

LADY C. You should be proud of your heritage - there have been Cantervilles at Canterville Castle for six hundred years!

Sound Cue 3

The school bell rings

MISS C Got to go now Mummy - lunchtime's over and the children will be silently filing into class any moment now - good luck with the Castle scheme -

Ginny and Susie give each other ‘air kisses’ as they sneak off

LADY C. Bye darling - come and see us soon.

MISS C. Bye Mum...............

The last sentence is lost in a storm of noise as 6C storm in, ringing the bell, playing chase etc. Miss C is saying, '"Sit down nicely children, quieten down now, stop talking please, George - don't do that, shush children - SHADDAAAP!"

The children freeze then reluctantly form a semicircle around her - soon they are poking, chatting, fighting, throwing paper aeroplanes - you name it! Miss Canterville then vainly calls out names in an attempt to take the afternoon register.

MISS C Charlie

CLASS. Smells!

MISS C Megan

MEGAN Megan answers very quickly - Does not smell, she is extremely fastidious about cleanliness!!!

CLASS Whooooo!

MISS C. Thank you Megan we know you are fussy about hygiene. Next - Sarah

CLASS. Smells!

MISS C. 6C! That's not funny! Can't you be more grown up? Where was I?

Oh yes - Danny

CLASS. Gives off an offensive odour.

MISS C. When I said 'more grown up' I meant....

There is a general rumpus as the class collapse laughing - then they see the Headteach-er, Mrs Whackem, enter the room; she is accompanied by Mr Eve. Instant silence, they sit up straight - model children.


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MISS C. Well now children, that's more like it. At last you've stopped behaving like a pack of wild animals!

Mrs Whackem clears her throat noisily

MRS W. A - hem!

Miss C jumps and the children laugh

MRS W. A - hem!

The children sit up straight and quiet

MRS W. Miss Canterville, I am afraid I have some bad news concerning our annual year 6 residential trip to the Isle of Wight. The hostel we usually stay at has been severely damaged in a flood - therefore our visit is cancelled.

Billy puts his hand up

MRS W. Yes Billy?

BILLY. Mrs Whackem, does that mean we won't have our year six camp next week?

MAISIE. That's not fair Miss! Year six always go on a week away!

SARAH We've been looking forward to this since year 3!

GEORGE My Mum’s desperate for me to go away for a week!

MRS W. I'm afraid nothing can be done, I shall write to parents and your holiday money will be refunded!

The class make a hubbub of "Not fair, I'm really upset etc" Little Carla goes up to Miss C her bottom lip trembling.

CARLA. Miss Canterville, I ain't never bin on 'oliday before - if my Mum gets the ‘oliday money back, she'll spend it on gin!

Miss Canterville's lip quivers and she looks very moved. Susie whispers to Carla

SUSIE. Carla - what are you on about? Your parents have got a house in Florida and you go to Disneyland every year!

CARLA. Yes - but she doesn’t know that does she - just watch.

MISS C. You poor little thing! Mrs Whackem, let's not be too hasty. If you just wait a moment whilst I phone my mother I may be able to find another venue for our residential trip - it seems that my parents have converted our family home into a centre for Conferences and courses.

MRS W. Miss Canterville I do appreciate the thought, but really! I'm not sure your parents could accommodate all of year 6 in your family home! It's not as though they live in a Castle is it? (She laughs at her little joke)

MISS C. Well actually my father is Lord Canterville the fourteenth Earl, and yes they DO live in Canterville Castle!

Children cheer, Mrs W looks dumbfounded, and Ginny looks triumphant


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MR EVE (Admiringly) Wow - so you must be Lady Canterville! (He curtsies)

MRS W Er - is that the Canterville castle that is - (she pause and whispers the next word) haunted?

Sound Cue 4

Lights dim, crash of thunder

MISS C She also whispers - Yes

There is a five second pause while the children a) look at each other, b) look at Miss Canterville and c) the audience - then they erupt into wild cheering as they change the scene

Sound Cue 5 – Scene change music – all move round straight into scene 2 – Driver en-ters as soon as possible

Scene 2

Preparing to leave on the coach. Children are milling around, teachers walk around with clipboards. Mr Eve is trying to get some order. The Driver strides to the front

DRIVER Right! Listen here you kids! This is my bus and I don’t want no eating, drink-ing, litter, gum, talking, singing.

(Mr Eve is about to speak but is interrupted)

DRIVER No laughing, standing up, lying down, no being sick, and DO NOT USE THE TOILET!!! Got it?

The kids look at each other, shrug and charge into two by two sitting positions as if sitting on a bus. Huge cheer, sound of bus starting up.

Sound Cue 6

SCHOOL TRIPS

It's the annual school outin And the teacher's started shoutin' At the kids who form the queue beside the bus ‘Hey Jimmy what you doin' and what is that muck you're chewin' Take it out before you find yourself concussed! ‘ Now we’ve all been to the loo And we’re lined up two by two With our picnic and computer games to play And we keep the teachers busy ‘Cos our drinks are very fizzy And they make us very hyper straightaway!


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School Trips! Expand your point of view School trips! Education’s inconclusive if you’re totally reclusive Jimmy Baker takes a pill ‘Cos he’s very very ill On every form of transport he’s so quick With the speed of Halley’s Comet Jimmy Baker starts to vomit And the teacher’s got a bucket full of sick! School Trips! Expand your point of view School trips! Education’s inconclusive if you’re totally reclusive We are a hungry bunch And we’ve eaten all our lunch Even though the time is only half past eight So we’ll eat a ton of sweets And a load of of sticky treats Just to keep us going till we’re out the gate School Trips! Expand your point of view School trips! Education’s inconclusive if you’re totally reclusive Billy Rooney is a loony And he says he’ll do a moony Out the window of the bus, what is he like? But now Billy’s been quite dumb ‘Cos he’s gone and shown his bottom To the p’liceman right behind us on his bike! School Trips! Expand your point of view School trips! Education’s inconclusive if you’re totally reclusive And the knowledge is elusive if you’re going to be seclusive Going out is so conducive and the method’s unobtrusive What we need is an exclusive School Trip!


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All Exit as though sitting on a bus, Driver is threatening anybody who drops litter, Jimmy Baker is being sick, children are swapping sweets - as they leave the stage each pair of children should improvise a line of dialogue which refers to school trips - postcards home, who packed your case, how much money have you got etc. Scene 3 Canterville Castle is being prepared for the arrival of the school party. All the classroom posters can be flipped over to show ancestral portraits including Sir Simon. If a suit of armour can be created, so much the better. If possible a large fireplace with the poem inscribed above it. If possible a full length portrait to be painted onto a gauze concealing a lightproof chamber - see appendix. A Carpet with a (removable) blood stain is essential! Bear in mind that the blood stain must reappear in several different colours. Lady Canterville is on the phone to Miss C. LADY C That’s just splendid Ellie - you’ve persuaded them to come to Canterville, just give us a couple of weeks and we’ll be ready - pardon? What do you mean you’re on the way? What - now? Half an hour? How many chil dren??? Of course dear - no problem, got to go, bye. She finishes the phone call very quickly and then shrieks: LADY C Mr Umney! Mrs Umney! Rupert! The Umneys appear together with Millie the Maid and Freddie the Footman, followed by Lord Canterville, the Umneys, Millie and Freddie are saying , ‘Yes Milady, coming milady’ Lord Canterville is somewhat vague and eccentric. The staff of the Castle all gather to-gether. Lord Canterville enters, finishing off a conversation on his mobile phone LORD C Yes – that’ll be fine, no problem whatsoever – good – I’ll see you tomor-

row then! He turns off his phone and turns to Lady C – I have good news! Now then, what’s all the noise about?

LADY C You know the vague idea you had that one day we may turn the castle into a centre for conferences and school parties? LORD C Not vague, I’ve been working on it – (he waves his phone about). MR U I recall something of the matter milady. MRS U A very good idea milady! LADY C I’m glad you think so Mrs Umney, guess when our first guests are arriving? LORD C ) Tomorrow!


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LADY C ) Today! LADY C What do you mean tomorrow? Lady Eleanor is bringing her group of chil-

dren here today! LORD C But I’ve just told our American cousin Otis that he can bring his group from

the USA tomorrow – he’s a headteacher in California – I can’t put him off now! It’s a vital part of their tour of Europe.

Mrs Umney goes into hysterics - We’re not ready, we need three weeks, where are the staff, this is a disaster - what about the ghost. LORD C Calm down Mrs Umney. LADY C Listen everyone - we have half an hour to prepare the castle for the arrival

of the children of Lady Eleanor’s school. MILLIE Don’t worry milady, we can do it! FREDDIE Yes, and we’ll get ready for the others tomorrow. MR U How many young persons will be arriving milady? LADY C All of them! Mrs U goes into hysterics again- we’ve nowhere to put them, we can’t feed them, they’ll be naughty, we’re not ready - what about the ghost? LADY C Oh do shut up Mrs Umney - this is NOT a tragic opera! Get busy everyone! Sound Cue 7 Tragic Opera Song Sweep the floor Make the bed Boil the sprouts Slice the bread Someone hide Sir Simon we’re not ready Light the fire Fill the moat Mow the lawn Milk the goat Someone clean the dungeons we’re not ready


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Hurry Let down the drawbridge Or they’ll fall into the moat and drown The Bailey We must clean daily And the tower needs a quick rub down Canterville Castle Rooms with a view - Ghosts in the loo Canterville Castle The venue is exclusive and the price it is inclusive last time:

The venue is exclusive and the price it is inclusive Going out is so conducive and the method’s unobtrusive What we need is an exclusive School Trip!

The bus arrives Now this all looks very cool And it’s posher than our school But when you’re very hungry it’s no fun We want pizza in a hurry We want chips and chicken curry We need burger and some ketchup in a bun School Trips! Expand your point of view School trips! Education’s inconclusive if you’re totally reclusive And the knowledge is elusive if you’re going to be seclusive Going out is so conducive and the method’s unobtrusive What we need is an exclusive School Trip!


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Scene 4 At the castle the school party is welcomed by Lord and Lady Canterville and the staff. The staff look disapprovingly at the children MISS C Hello Mummy, we’re here! There is a small riot of children scampering around the castle MRS W Ahem! The children freeze LADY C So I noticed - young man don’t touch that! Jimmy and Johnnie are just about to remove a huge axe from the wall. LORD C The last person to touch that was beheaded! JIMMY & JOHNNIE Whatever. LORD C Welcome to Canterville Castle children we hope you will have an exciting (The children perk up at the word exciting) and educational (They slump in boredom) visit to this historical home. LADY C Despite the dissimilarity of abode and the gulf in social class, I have the ut most degree of optimistic conviction that in these modern times we will dis cover that we have almost everything in common. A short pause to let this sink in. MISS C Apart from the language obviously. GINNY (talking to Lord C) Excuse me your highness - what does the rhyme over the fireplace mean? MR U Rhyme ? What rhyme? That’s nothing at all, nothing.… Sound cue 8 Lights dim, crash of thunder GINNY Yes , look there - it says: (Mysterious music plays, lights dim.)


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Sound Cue 9 When a Golden Girl can win Prayer from out the lips of sin When the barren almond bears And a little child gives away its tears Then shall all the house be still And peace shall come to Canterville There is a pause as the music fades and the lights come up MRS U Oh don’t you worry your pretty head about that young lady - it’s all a load of nonsense best forgotten! Sound cue 10 Large crash of thunder, lights go crazy LORD C (Looking up to the skies) All right you grumpy old goat, I’ll tell them!! MRS W Is he talking to me? LORD C No Madam - to my ancestor, Sir Simon de Canterville MR EVE The - the - g-g-g-ghost? LADY C You mean you’ve heard about him? All the children enthusiastically nod their heads and make affirmative noises. LORD C And you still want to stay here? ALL Absolutely! MISS C These are very modern children Daddy, and they know about everything! MR U But Lady Eleanor - don’t they realise? This is not a pretend ghost on Scooby Doo! MRS U No - the ghost has haunted the Castle for almost five hundred years; he al ways appears before the death of any member of the family.


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MEGAN Yes - but so does the family doctor. (Children laugh and do haunting nois-es) Speaking of health and safety, what on earth is that awful stain on the door over there? (She points to a large dark mark on the door)

Lights dim MRS U (She takes Megan over to the mark) Blood! ‘Tis blood ma’am. The blood of Lady Eleanor de Canterville (The children turn to stare at Miss C) No, this Lady Eleanor (she indicates a portrait on the wall) is the great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great,great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandaughter of the Lady Eleanor who was brutally murdered in that very doorway by her own husband, Sir Simon de Canterville in 1592. JIMMY ) JOHNNY) Great….. MR U He disappeared soon afterwards along with the family treasure, and his body was never recovered, but his guilty spirit still haunts the Castle. Megan bends down to look at the stain (which should be an easily remov able sheet of coloured paper or plastic) MRS U The bloodstain has been much admired by tourists and cannot ever be re moved, it is a permanent reminder of evil that will go on till the end of the world! Forever and ever and….. Megan stands up, the stain is gone. MEGAN There - all gone, I thought that a basic chlorinated solvent would fix it! Sound Cue 11 Lights dim, crack of thunder, Mrs Umney faints MRS W What weather we’re having! MR EVE And is there something wrong with the lights? LADY C She’s fainted again Rupert LORD C All the time she’s unconscious she doesn’t get paid! Mrs Umney opens her eyes and gets to her feet staring at the spot where the spot used to be MRS U No good will come of this, you mark my words, no good!


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The Cantervilles and household sing Sound cue 12 RUB RUB RUB You’ll rub rub rub But you won’t move the blood No you won’t shift the family stain You’ll try but you’ll not Clean the gory blot For the Ghost has a permanent vein! Don’t walk in the gloamin’ Or your haemoglobin Will end up as paint on the door You’ll dib and you’ll dab But you won’t pick the scab Or the crust of the blood on the floor You must have respect and expect that the spectre, will be The toast of the ghost world he boasts that he’s transparently The apparition on a mission So don’t make light Of the blight that has frightened Us all since fifteen ninety two There’s trouble in store If you look at the door There’s the bloodstain all sticky and new! They look at the door and the stain has reappeared. SARAH The bloodstain is back! JIMMY ) JOHNNIE) Wicked! Megan cleans the spot again MEGAN That’s strange! There – all gone again! MRS W Bedtime children, come along!


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Much moaning from the children LADY C Millie and Freddie, please show the children to the East wing - away from, er, you know who. Sound Cue 13 Music plays to get cast offstage. The music segues into Sir Simon’s Lament. This segues into SFX for next scene. We hear the children off stage saying goodnight and settling down for bed, ‘stop snoring’, ‘phwar - was that you?’ ‘night night, don’t let the ghosty bite!’ etc. Scene 5 Owls hooting, bats flapping, wind in the trees. Dim blue light, a gobo window if possible. There is a mysterious clanking noise, which gets louder as Sir Simon enters. FX fade for Voice Over. The blood stain is back – in green. SIR S Perdition seize these naughty children! I have haunted this castle for five

hundred and twenty years of with such a terrible aspect that people fear to approach these walls. I shall terrify them with my hideous appearance and blood curdling moans!

He commences to wail in time honoured ghostly fashion, the chains FX get louder and louder. Mrs Whackem enters with a group of children. The ghost rattles his chains and wails in a terrifying way at the children. The children are saying things like,”see, there he is I told you so!’ ‘Look Miss - what is it?’ etc. The ghost turns on Billie and howls a warn-ing. SIR S Beware the fate of he who crosses The Canterville Ghost! BILLIE (Lost in admiration) Hey you’re good! MAISIE Really good!! MRS W Sir! I would be obliged if you would decease from this awful racket!! You obviously have a terribly sore throat judging by the noise you are making! Please accept this packet of Sucky Throat Balm, I’m sure you will find it a great relief - as will we! Sir Simon growls at her MRS W I also have an excellent wind tonic…….


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Sound cue 14 Sir Simon rattles his chains and laughs maniacally BILLY R Excuse me sir - I think that if you use some of this Slippy Slip Four in One bicycle oil, then your chains won’t make that creaking sound. MRS W And maybe we can all get some sleep? SIR S Sleep? I have not slept for five hundred years! He wails and rattles. Mrs Umney enters followed by Miss C MRS U What’s all this noise..... She sees the ghost and faints. MISS C Oh no! Shall we all go back to bed now? MRS W WAIT! Just because HE can’t sleep doesn’t mean that he can keep these children awake all night! (She points to the cough medicine and the oil.) Cough sweets - oil - use them! All the children agree - ‘No - not fair’, ‘Keep Quiet can’t you’ etc. Megan sees the blood-stain, and cleans it off again. SIR S How - very - very - dare you! Sound cue 15 A great thunderclap, howls, demonic laughter and rattling of chains, lights flash - he gives them the works. The children freeze, there are three seconds silence and then they all start to jeer and catcall. ‘Is that the best you’ve got’, ‘Come on over here if you’re ghost enough’, ‘Come on let’s get him!’ Jimmy and Johnnie produce pea shooters (pretend ones obviously - health and safety) and start to fire. The Ghost responds as they hit various parts of his anatomy. Two children enter covered in sheets, pretending to be ghosts, bringing on a notice read-ing,

Ye (Insert name of your school here) Ghost

Ye onlie true and original spooke

Beware of imitations

All others are counterfeite

Sir Simon sees this and starts wailing.


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SIR S Aaaagh! A ghost! Run for your lives! So saying he rapidly exits - if he can disappear behind a screen that would be good, even better his own door with the bloodstain on it.(Now in blue) The children sing (and play) Sound Cue 16 (live music) FOOLISH GHOUL See him runaway it’s fun to play the games we do Shooting peas and doing as we please the whole night through Superstitions about apparitions are so cool And I’m guessin‘ better than a lesson back in school You may think he’s rather sad But he’s trying to be cruel And he’s never going to bully us We’re not scared of Foolish Ghouls! We’re not scared and we don’t care we leave the fear behind We don’t fear the fear itself ‘cause fear is in your mind If the children are actually playing the music, one or two should carry on whilst the others, having seen Mrs Whackem, fade out and stand to attention. MRS W Children! What have I said about bullying? ALL Bullies are cowards and we should never do bullying! CHARLIE We haven’t been bullying miss! MRS W What about The Ghost? He has feelings as well! Children you are NOT to bully the ghost! BILLY He started it Miss! MRS W So what should you have done Billy? MEGAN He should have told you Mrs Whackem, so you could have dealt with it!


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MRS W Correct Megan - don’t forget, bullying is when you make somebody feel less good than they did before, and that can be physical OR mental! JIMMY he whispers. She’s mental! MRS W What was that Jimmy? JOHNNIE He said the Ghost’s temperamental miss! MR EVE Right - now back to bed all of you!! It’s off to the land of Dreams for you! Left, right, left, right….. All sing as they march back to bed. Sound Cue 17 DREAMS Dreams, they come once in a while And go leaving a smile Though sometimes they haunt you Seems that dreams formed in the night Will fade when in the light Don’t let them desert you Hold on to your dreams for evermore And they will come true for sure Think of times when you are down and And walk wearing a frown With sadness around you Blink and dream worries away And life will be OK Your dreams will surround you Hold on to your dreams for evermore And they will come true for sure Dreams and thoughts they can be prayers To help you climb the stairs of life Rising before you


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Seems that dreams, you can achieve If you truly believe And always continue - to Hold on to your dreams for evermore And they will come true for sure Sound Cue 18 Reprise of the music - the children march off to bed, Sir Simon reappears and faces the audience. SIR S Never in my brilliant and uninterrupted career of five hundred years have I

been so grossly insulted! These brats and upstarts must be taught a les-son!! Tomorrow night I shall appear as ‘Gaunt Gibeon, the Blood Sucker of Bedhampton’ They will rue the day they crossed the Canterville Ghost!!!!

Sound Cue 19 He exits to ‘Sir Simon’s Lament’ music and FX – owls hooting wind howling etc. Lights fade, SFX take us onto Scene 6. Scene 6 The lights fade up, and we hear a cock crow. The bloodstain is in candy stripes. W/WORTH Howdy Ladies and Gents, I’m Wentworth de Canterville, I was born in

1823 and this is my part of the show. That’s my picture over there see? Well now my American descendant Otis is just about to appear with his schoolkids from California – things are gonna get complicated ……..

Otis Canterville leads on the class of children from California. This American group should stay at the side of the stage until Miss C has introduced Wentworth. OTIS OK guys, this is it, the ancestral home of The Canterville family! W’TON So how did your branch of the family end up in the USA Mr Canterville sir? OTIS Well it was my six times great granddaddy, Wentworth de Canterville, who

left here to join in the California Goldrush! He struck lucky and stayed! HIRAM You mean he found gold? OTIS No he opened a store! Say – who do we have here? Otis and the American children step back as Miss Canterville enters with Mr Eve and Mrs Whackem. She is ringing a school handbell.


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MISS C Wake up children! It’s lesson time! Come along!!! The children troop in disconsolately, muttering mutinously. MAISIE Lessons? But we’re on holiday!! MR EVE No Maisie – we’re on an educational visit! Lessons carry on as normal. CHARLIE Normal – with a ghost ? GINNY And we haven’t got any books with us Mrs Whackem. MRS W Well Ginny, I’ve had a genius idea – Miss Canterville will explain MISS C All right children sit down and I’ll explain - the children sit in a semi circle

facing Miss C – Now – who can tell me what room we are in at the mo-ment?

JIMMY The torture chamber miss? MISS C No Jimmy – this is the library JIMMY As I said miss……… MISS C And these are all portraits of my ancestors – she points towards several full

length portraits on the wall, the faces of which should closely resemble members of staff of your school – and today’s lessons are based on these Lords and Ladies. This one is Wentworth Canterville – he went off to the USA in 1849 and was never seen again!

The American children and Otis step forward OTIS Well he’s sure come back now He steps forward followed by the children. OTIS Well hello yourself Mrs….. MISS C Oh it’s miss, miss – miss….. Canterville. OTIS How about that? I’m Otis Canterville, his – he indicates the portrait – six

times grandson! I guess this means we’re related! MISS C Not too closely I hope.


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ALL CHILDREN Woooooo!!!!! MISS C Would you like to join in our lesson? I was just going to teach the children

about my ancestors. OTIS I’m all yours. MISS C Really? Well – listen children in honour of our new friends our first lesson

will be about our ancestor Wentworth Canterville. OTIS I guess I should be the one to tell this story! Come on kids! Sound Cue 20 The American children lead the song. California Gold We crossed the Rocky Mountains in the spring of 49 All headed for Coloma we were goin’ to dig a mine We travelled from Missouri and we lived to tell the tale And we blazed the golden California trail California – land of the shining streams California – land of the golden dreams If you got perseverance, and good fortune and the skill There’s a fortune in the river bed down by John Sutter’s Mill Keep panning all the gravel and real soon you will behold The sun shines on that California Gold! California – land of the shining streams California – land of the golden dreams We panned ourselves a heap of gold but still we wanted more But the man who was the richest was Sam Brennan in his store He sold Mr Strauss’ trousers and he made us overpay And he showed us all the California way California – land of the shining streams California – land of the golden dreams Line Dance – all on stage can join in. California – land of the shining streams California – land of the golden dreams California – land of the shining streams California – land of the golden dreams All exit END ACT 1


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ACT 2 Scene 7 Albert de Canterville enters and introduces Act 2 ALBERT Well how do you think it’s going so far? I suppose you all want to know how

it ends? I’m Albert de Canterville born in 1872 – I’m the renowned explorer who mapped the Amazon rainforest in Brazil – my bones are still there somewhere! Here’s what’s going on: Otis has taken all the children for a walk on the beach this afternoon. He says they’ll collect clams and mussels for a real California party this evening! Meanwhile young Lady Eleanor is greeting children from the local village school. They’re doing a project about the environment so she’s going to going to tell them about me! Here come the children now.

A group of local children arrive chattering excitedly. They all have name tags stuck on. ZAK All the years I lived in Canterville – I ain’t never been in the castle before. SALLY Well you’re only ten…. KAREN Yeah but you know why they keep us out? ZAK It’s the treasure! GEORGE Treasure – what treasure? KAREN Well – they say that when Sir Simon done his wife in, her brothers put him

in chains and bricked him up in a secret chamber with all of his gold and jewels, with a jug of water and a pork pie just out of reach….

OWEN A pork pie? Sound Cue 21 A crash of thunder, lights flicker – children freeze ALBERT Sir Simon must be getting worn out! Children unfreeze OWEN Looking worried - Only jokin’ - I don’t even like pork pies! SALLY Blow the pork pie – where’s the treasure?? Get lookin’ quick before the

teacher gets here Mrs Whackem has just entered MRS W Ahem!! Looking for what may I ask?


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GEORGE Oh nothin’ miss – we’re just looking for historical knowledge! MRS W That’s good because Miss Canterville has an interesting lesson on the Bra-

zilian rainforest! Have you all done your research? CHILDREN Unenthusiastically – Yeah…… Miss Canterville enters with some more village children carrying the wherewithal for the junk percussion. MISS C Children, if you look at the portrait here on the wall – that is my ancestor

Albert de Canterville – the famous Amazonian jungle explorer. KAREN Who’s the lady miss? She is pointing towards the portrait of Agnes. MISS C Oh that’s my favourite ancestor – Agnes de Canterville. She was a suffra-

gette in 1914 and when The Great War started she volunteered as a nurse. They wouldn’t let her go so she went and joined the Australian nurses!! In 1915 she was sent to a place called Gallipoli. I’ve still got her diary here – sit down here children and listen to this……..

As she reads the voice of Agnes should join in and then take over, music starts, the reading of the diary is a voice over. Sound Cue 22 April 25 1915, in the hospital ship.

I shall never forget the awful feeling of hopelessness on night duty. It was dreadful. I had two wards downstairs, each over 100 patients and then I had small wards upstairs — altogether about 250 patients to look after, and one orderly and one sweeper. I shall not describe their wounds, they were too awful. One loses sight of all the honour and glory in the work we are do-ing…..

She turns pages thoughtfully April 25 1925. Today I have returned to Gallipoli in honour of the soldiers

who fell here, the young men of England, Turkey, Ireland, Germany Wales, Scotland, India, the Gurkhas, Australians, New Zealanders and Canadians. 130,000 young men died here, breaking the hearts of their families, wives, sweethearts and children – how many broken hearts in these three graves – Johnnie from England, Mehmet from Turkey and Ben of New Zealand?

Here lies Johnnie from Hampshire – how his mother cried - all her dreams for her son were trampled in the earth And here rests Ben from Helensville, North Island. His father never recov-ered from his loss and his dog Bernie just pined away……


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Mehmet was a shepherd from Kayakoy near Smyrna – what did he know of war? Of killing? – his sweetheart Talya waited for him, dreaming of the family she would never have…

Sound Cue 23 Families at Peace Johnnie’s family sing, lead by his mother You lie with your brothers Your bed is the earth Your dreams have been shattered So what was it worth Remember the daydreams The day Johnnie was born The flower of a nation All broken and torn

Ben’s family led by his Dad Here’s my son Ben Thought he’d get back alright But we know that he’d gone On that warm April night When Bernie came howling He cried at the door As the ANZAC mates died On a strange foreign shore

Mehmet’s family led by his girlfriend Here is my loved one Mehmet – here’s my heart In the dust of a field ‘Till death us do part And the ghosts of our children Who never will be Haunt my days, fill my nights Through my eternity All on stage sing – during this the three soldiers should appear and appear to be happy together, shaking hands, sharing food etc. Many years have past Yet the mem’ries last Still we don’t understand But they don’t die in vain If we stand hand in hand If we all unite Keep their mem’ries bright And our efforts increase


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Then the love will remain And we all live in peace We all live in peace Let the world live in peace KAREN What an amazing lady – I’d like to be like her! MISS C That’s your choice Karen RALPH I’d rather be the explorer guy! MISS C Right – Albert! Now children, Mr Eve is here to tell you something about

Brazil – but I know that you’ve all been asked to learn one fact yourselves! Mr Eve enters with Mille and Freddie who are carrying any remaining Junk Percussion. MR EVE Now the children what did you learn at home last night? Susan? SUSAN Never let you Mum brush your hair when she’s mad at your Dad! MR EVE Well I actually meant what have you learned about Brazil and the Amazon

rainforest? Zak? ZAK If the Amazon rainforest was a country, it would be the ninth largest in the

world – it’s more than a billion acres. MISS C Sally? SALLY The Amazon rainforest recycles carbon dioxide into oxygen. It creates 20%

of the world’s oxygen supply. MR EVE Karen? KAREN Lots of medicines and anti cancer drugs are produced using from rainforest

ingredients; in fact one in four medicines are from the forest. MISS C Owen? OWEN Loads of tasty food comes from the rainforest; there are 3000 different fruits

and 80% of the developed world’s diet started out in the rainforest. MR EVE George? GEORGE There used to be ten million Indians living in the Amazon Rainforest – today

there are less than two hundred thousand. MISS C and one more – Ralph? RALPH One and a half acres of rainforest are lost every second – this means that

we lose 137 species of plant, animal and insect species every single day!


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MR EVE Great homework children – but very worrying for us all! Now who can tell me what music Brazil is famous for? No? It’s Samba!

He produces his Samba whistle and give a blast. MR EVE We haven’t got any proper Samba drums but we found these old buckets

and things in the storeroom. Now if you children start here and give me one and two – you children here try this – and we’ll need a clave beat – and just a bit of this – and here we go!

Sound Cue 24 – Live Music Junk Percussion routine SCENE 8 Otis and the children return from the beach with beach paraphernalia. This chorus can involve the whole cast, Castle staff and Lord and Lady C as well OTIS That’s it, come on in children – no Jimmie – no Johnnie leave the clams

and mussels outside on the lawn – and the octopus – no NOT in the swim-ming pool

Sound Cue 25 (SFX splash) oh – too late. LORD C Why all the seafood? W’TON we’re gonna have a Clambake! MADISON A real U.S. of A. Clambake! MISS C What’s a clambake? Sound Cue 26 CLAMBAKE Gonna have a clambake Gonna have a clambake Gonna have a clambake I said we’re gonna have fun fun fun when the neighbours come Like we did in the USA We’re gonna have a party you can come


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We’ll dance the night away We’ll have buckwheat cakes and hominy, grits We’ll throw a possum on the barbeque We’ll have a California party gonna dance until the mornin’ dew! 1 Goin’ to a clambake, goin’ to a clambake, goin’ to a clambake

- I said we’re goin’ on down – down, down, down I said we’re goin’ on (Repeat this section twice more)

2 Clambake, clam, clambake Clam, clam, clam Clam, clam, clam (Repeat) 3 Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh – ooh…. Dance feature Gonna have a clambake Gonna have a clambake Gonna have a clambake I said we’re gonna have fun fun fun when the neighbours come Like we did in the USA We’re gonna have a party you can come We’ll dance the night away We’ll have buckwheat cakes and hominy, grits We’ll throw a possum on the barbeque We’ll have a California party gonna dance until the mornin’ dew! 1 Goin’ to a clambake, goin’ to a clambake, goin’ to a clambake

- I said we’re goin’ on down – down, down, down I said we’re goin’ on (Repeat this section twice more)

2 Clambake, clam, clambake Clam, clam, clam Clam, clam, clam (Repeat) 3 Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh – ooh….


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Gonna have a Clambake! OTIS Come on everybody – we’re going to roast the clams and mussels we col-

lected on the beach – I invited the whole village!! I never did see such huge clams as the ones by that cute little stream flowing into the bay!!!

LORD C Did you tell him about the sewage outfall dear? LADY C I think I’ll stay with the cucumber sandwiches. MISS C Right! Let’s get the party going then – cue music! Sound Cue 27 – reprise of Clambake Music starts and the junk percussionists join in. As people start to dance, thunder is heard and the lights start to flash – the chorus start to look around in a worried kind of way. There needs to be a spectacular stage effect here – either a cardboard skeleton falls and dangles from the ceiling (maybe above the audience) or a light tight box on stage with a gauze front is used to make the ghost appear – see appendix b and c) SIR SIMON Now interlopers – be gone!!!! The cast on stage panic and clear the stage for the ghost song/dance – Sir Simon can either be involved in this or preside over it. Sound Cue 28 GHOST DANCE SCENE 9 The whole cast leave the stage leaving only Sir Simon and also Ginny who hides behind the suit of armour. SIR SIMON So – I have succeeded at last, I have scared them all away – even if I had

to call on some colleagues to help me! But how much longer must I tread these empty steps in the dance of death – how many more years of loneli-ness?

Sound Cue 29 SIR SIMON’S LAMENT All of the world is a stage so someone said


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Everyone playing their part Painting a face in the times of tragedy Broken men who live with broken hearts Look at me suffering through all eternity Endlessly turning the page Pages of pain in my play of destiny Blinding spotlight on the centre stage Who are you – who am I – worse, who really cares As I stagger through the emptiness of time Still I’m waiting here, hating here as my life replays Till the curtain closes my days All of the world is a stage so someone said Everyone playing their part Painting a face in the times of tragedy Broken men who live with broken hearts After applause the music starts again very gently; the following sequence should be done as a voice over – this is closely adapted from the original Oscar Wilde story. Sound Cue 30 (start after ‘no one has cared for me’) GINNIE I’m so sorry that you are sad; all the children will be going back to school on

Friday, then if you behave yourself no one will annoy you. SIR S But I must carry on haunting until I find peace! And I cannot find peace until

someone cares. For five hundred years no one has cared for me – I am so lonely and I just want to sleep. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and to listen to silence. To be forgiven – for love is always stronger than death.

Ginny sings THE LONELY The lonely Does anybody really care? So lonely Their dreams lay scattered in the air I hear them weep Tears of soft rain falling Is it to me and you they’re calling?


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I’m trying To help somebody make amend I’m crying To help his suffering reach an end I wonder why His hopes just lay there burning The world seems colder for his yearning Chained to circumstance, left without the key. Feign the deathly dance without harmony A captured butterfly Will die They’re drifting And always searching for a place To sift in The sands of time to hide their face I hear them weep Tears of soft rain falling Is it to me and you they’re calling? The lonely So lonely The lonely GINNIE How can I help you Sir Simon? SIR S Have you read the old prophecy on the wall? That is the answer – but no-

body knows what it means! GINNIE It was the first thing I saw here: Sound Cue 31 When a Golden Girl can win Prayer from out the lips of sin When the barren almond bears And a little child gives away its tears Then shall all the house be still And peace shall come to Canterville Wait a minute –I have an idea! She gets out laptop/tablet and types in a search


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GINNY Let’s see - Canterville family myths and legends – yes here on Wiki –

Golden Girl – prayer – barren almond – oh! Sir Simon – you are trapped here for ever unless someone cares enough to shed tears for you, and un-less you ask forgiveness for the bad things you did. Oh I’m so sorry….

Ginny closes the laptop and puts her hand to her face and cries SIR S Ginny – I think you have helped me – now will you come with me to the old

chapel – I think I need to kneel and ask forgiveness there. They slowly walk off stage Sir Simon’s Lament plays Sound Cue 32 Scene 10 Lights up, Mrs Whackem, Miss C, Otis, Lord and Lady C and the Umneys come on stage. MRS W Well she can’t have gone far – when was she last seen? MISS C After the party – you know when the er – uninvited guests arrived! LORD C Can’t we get the children to find her? OTIS Hey kids! Come on – we gotta find Ginny – she’s lost! The entire cast make their way onto stage from every entrance making a hullabaloo about finding Ginny. MISS C We think Ginny may have been kidnapped!! CHILDREN Awesome! MRS U I knew no good would come of it! You mark my words – you’ll never see

that young lady again – never never never…. Ginny has entered quietly holding a box.


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GINNIE Here I am. MRS W Ginny! Where have you been? GINNIE Don’t worry – I’ve been with the ghost. He is dead now – you won’t see him

any more. He has been wicked but he was very sorry and he has been for-given. He gave me the treasure before he died.

She opens the box to show jewels etc. MISS C But where is he now? If the gauze and light tight box room has been constructed on stage, this is the moment when a light inside the box should be directed onto a skeleton in a sitting position so that it the wall ‘disappears’ and the audience see through it. There should be food and drink just out of reach. W’TON Hey look everyone – though the window – the old almond tree has blos-

somed! MEGAN And the bloodstain has gone. GINNIE Then he has been forgiven. Rest in peace Lord Canterville. Sound Cue 33 LOVE IS ALL AROUND Lord Canterville lies on a hill He’s found his peace at last The earthly fear for all those years Mere mem’ries of the past And so he learned that love is willingly waiting to be found And if we open up our hearts we find love is all around So if you’re down don’t wear a frown Remember what we say Put on a smile and in a while The Sun will warm your day And show the people love is willingly Waiting to be found And if they open up their hearts they find Love is all around Spread the word let


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It be heard yet Gather friends all the while Understand that Hand in hand that All the world wears a smile Lord Canterville lies on a hill He’s found his peace at last The earthly fear for all those years Mere mem’ries of the past And now he sleeps so peacefully underneath that grassy hill So open up the doors and welcome tin Peace to Canterville BOWS Sound Cue 34 MEGAMIX


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Appendix a) http://www.instructables.com/id/Cardboard-Armor/ b) Use of gauze and alternatives

c) http://www.firebox.com/product/6199/Build-Your-Own-Life-Sized-Human-Skeleton

Documents

The$Canterville$Ghost The Canterville Ghost€¦ · Sir Simon de Canterville (deceased) The Canterville Ghost ... The kids look at each other, shrug and charge into two by two sitting