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7/31/2019 Tues - AM - 4 - Thorne
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Dealing with People You
Sheila Penelope Thornes orne us. m.com
April 18, 2008
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Dealing with People You Cant Stand
Disclaimer One of these things is not like the other
Bill GatesSteve JobsMe
" "
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Dealing with People You Cant Stand
Agenda
Ground Rules
Let the Games Begin
End Game
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Ground Rules
What are you dealing with?
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Dealing with People You Cant Stand
What are You Dealing With?
When dealing with any,
determine the persons powerover you.
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Dealing with People You Cant Stand
Are You Dealing with a Five Year Old?
This person has no power over.
How you handle the situation isnot predicated by the toddleryelling at you.
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Dealing with People You Cant Stand
Are You Dealing with Airport Security?
keep you from reaching yourobjective.
FYI: They have reached their
destination for the day; youaven t.
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Dealing with People You Cant Stand
Are you Dealing with a Dog?
You are powerless to change.
Stop acting surprised. Stop.
Lower your standards.
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Let the Games Begin
Met the Opposing Team
2:05
April 18, 2008
C S
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Dealing with People You Cant Stand
Behaviors
Issues dont arise in the .
Issues arise when people
individual normal states.
The assertiveness is passiveor aggressive .
The focus is task or people.
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D li ith P l Y C t St d
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Dealing with People You Cant Stand
The Snapping Point
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D li ith P l Y C t St d
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Dealing with People You Cant Stand
Off Center - Destination Points
Task Focus
Get it Done
Controlling
Get it Right
Perfectionist
Passive Aggressive
Attention
Approval
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Dealing with People You Can t Stand
Intention & Actions
Task Focus
Get it Done
Controlling
an
Know it All
Passive AggressiveSniper
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Dealing with People You Can t Stand
The Tank
Command Respect.
The tank is confrontational, pointed, and angry, the
ultimate in ush and a ressive behavior.
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Dealing with People You Can t Stand
The Know-It-All
Open their minds to new ideas.
Seldom in doubt, the Know-It-All has a lowtolerance for correction and contradiction.
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Dealing with People You Can t Stand
The Sniper
Bring the Sniper out of hiding.
Whether through rude comments, biting
sarcasm, or a well-timed roll of eyes.
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Dealing with People You Can t Stand
Intentions & Actions
Task Focus
Passive Aggressive
Sniper
AttentionThink-They-Know-It-All
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Dealing with People You Cant Stand
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g p
The Grenade
Get commitments you can count on.
The Grenade ex lodes into unfocused rantinand raving about things that have nothing to do
with the present circumstances.
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g p
The Think-They-Know-It-All
Give their bad ideas the hook.
Think-They-Know-It-Alls cant fool all the peopleall of the time, but they can fool some of the
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peop e enoug o e me, an enoug o epeople all of the time all for the sake of getting
some attention.
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Intentions & Actions
Task Focus
Passive Aggressive
Nothing
Yes
Approval Maybe
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The Maybe Person
Help them to learn to think decisively.
In a moment of decision, the Maybe
Person rocrastinates in the ho e that
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a better choice will present itself.
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The Yes Person
Get commitments you can count on.
In an effort to please people and avoidconfrontation, Yes People say yes withoutthinking things through. They react to the
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latest demands on their time by forgettingprior commitments.
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The Nothing Person
Persuade the nothing person to talk.
No verbal feedback, no nonverbal feedback.
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. .
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Intentions & Actions
Task Focus
Get it Right
Perfectionist
ner
No
Passive AggressiveNothing
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The No Person
.
More deadly to morale than a speeding, ,
defeat big ideas with a single syllable.Disguised as a mild mannered normalperson, the No Person fights a never
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ending battle for futility, hopelessness, anddespair.
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The Whiner
.
unfair world. Their standard is perfection, and no
one and nothing measure up to it. But miseryloves company, so they bring their problems to
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you. Offering solutions makes you bad company,so their whining escalates.
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Task Focus
TankWhiner
ControllingKnow it AllNo
Perfectionist
Passive AggressiveSniper
Sni erNothing
Nothing
GrenadeYes
Get AppreciatedGet Along
Think-They-Know-It-AllMaybe AttentionApproval
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People Focus
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Head Games
Imaginary Friends
2:35
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Circular Reference
I create m own meanin for an
event that has occurred.
I lose sight of the event thatoccurred and start to operate frommy meaning.
wrong story
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AvatarsHero
Fear of not being enoughOver-responsible or fixer
Doesnt trust others to be
powerfulPowers up on people
,I
nc
eopleBuilder
VillainVictim
2005P
Discounts others
False sense of power andimportance
Over owers eo le
ear o own ng powerNot willing to take responsibilityBlames othersCreates themselves powerless
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Code Fixes
Let go of the drama. Stopplaying the role.
Understand position versus
interest.
Let Go
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End Game
Summary
2:50
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Goal: Cooperation
Blend nonverbally with body and.
Blend vocally with volume and.
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Goal: Common Ground
.
Identify highly valued criteria.
Common Interest
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Snap Happens.
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People go there.
Task Focus
Passive Aggressive
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eop e ocus
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Sometimes you need to zip it. Its not about you.
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Keep the End Game In Mind
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Appendix A
Resources & References
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Resources
Leadership & Self-Deception
By The Arbinger Institute
http://www.peoplebuildersinc.com
Dealing with People You Cant Standby Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirscher
Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity
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y av en