Bath and North East Somerset Primary Care Trust

Useful Information for Families with Children 4-11

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Introduction

Welcome to the Bath & North East Somerset Parent’s Information Handbook

The purpose of this handbook is to give information and guidance on a range of different subjects that are particularly relevant to the parents and carers of children aged 4-11.

Being a parent is a very rewarding experience. However it can be very challenging at times, as during each stage of a child’s life there may be difficulties that have to be faced. Nobody is ever trained to be a parent and nobody is a perfect parent!

We hope that you find this handbook useful and that it will make your parenting a little less stressful, raise your awareness about where to go to for advice and make you feel more confident about your own parenting skills.

There is a list of national organisations at the back of this book.

For information about local support for parents contact The Family Information Service on 0800 073 1214

Email: fis@bathnes.gov.uk g.uk.1bigdatabase.orwwwor visit 1BigDatabase

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Contents

All kinds of parents What is a family?

Building blocks to encourage good behaviour Positive feedback

Bullying The real story

Childminding & out-of-school care How do I make the right choice?

Children left alone & babysitting Common sense and the law

Children with disabilities You’re not alone

Divorce & bereavement It’s not their fault

Domestic abuse How does it affect children?

Healthy lifestyle Looking after their body

Household hazards Making your home safe

Moving on to secondary school Settling in

Play & learning Parents have a key role

Positive parenting & self-esteem Make them feel great!

Safety outside the home Are your children safe?

Worried about a child? Should I mind my own business?

ganisationsHelpful or

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What is a family?

There’s no such thing as an ‘average’ family - they come in all shapes and sizes. Each different type of family has its own special challenges, so it’s important to understand how your family make-up can affect your child, particularly when things change.

Going it alone Growing up with one parent can be a good thing, leading to a close relationship between parent and child. If your child does spend time with their other parent, it’s important to help them understand how both of you will be part of their lives and that it’s okay to love both their parents and not feel guilty.

Coping with a death in the family When we are coping with our own grief at the loss of a partner it is sometimes hard to see how children might react when a parent dies. Every child will act differently, some will feel guilty about still living while one of their parents is dead, others will think about death and loss and who else could ‘leave’ them. Patience and the support of family and friends is key at this time.

Teenage parents As a young parent, you’ll face many extra challenges. However, all new parents struggle at times, so don’t be embarrassed to ask for support and advice. Your education may have to be cut short, but don’t give up on all your plans for the future as there’s still

plenty of time. Remember to think about your own needs too. Make sure that you have good childcare if you leave your child at home.

New families If you enter into a new relationship, everyone will need time to get used to the new family. This could be more difficult if your new partner has children of their own or you are adopting or fostering a child. Change can make us all feel unsafe, so it’s important to make sure everyone feels comfortable with new arrangements.

Grandparents Grandparents can give a welcome extra pair of helping hands and are an important link to family histories and a sense of belonging. But they may need help adjusting to changes in your family situations too. They may lose access to much-loved grandchildren when relationships break-up, or have to adjust to new family members when new relationships start. Be aware that grandparents may sometimes have health issues of their own.

Make contact Whatever kind of family you are, there are many organisations especially set up to help you cope. Don’t feel you have to struggle on alone. Make contact and get the help that you and your kind of family need.

Children need stability; change can make them feel especially vulnerable

Family change takes time to get used to - for grandparents, uncles and aunts too! ”

WARNING SIGNS

Changes in the way your child acts may signal that they are not feeling secure about the changes going on around them. Watch out for feelings of blame or guilt if your relationship with your partner is not working. Changes in how you act can also have a direct effect on your child.

ACTION

Talk through any changes in family life early - children are quick to pick up “vibes” and so may know if you’re keeping something from them. Keep talking to your child about the new things that are happening to you and your family. Take things slowly and be patient. Don’t feel you have to struggle on alone, make contact and get the help you and your family need.

WHAT TO SAY

Talk about how you feel about each other as much as you can. A stable family life is important to children, however unusual the make-up of your family. Remind them that they are loved, whatever is happening.

PREVENTION

Consider counselling, mediation and support agencies as they can often help to spot possible problems before they arise. Know your rights with regard to your role as a partner and a parent. Talk to your child’s school.

CONTACTS

• One Parent Families/Gingerbread 0800 018 5026 • Cruse Bereavement Care 0844 477 9400 • Parentline Plus 0808 800 2222

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Jack is my son. He is ten years old. I am a single dad - It’s hard work but fortunately I have the support of a loving family.

”

Positive feedback

Everyday, your child learns new things as they develop and start exploring the world around them. It’s what makes childhood such an exciting time.

As a parent, you have an important job as you teach them about your values and beliefs. Start this when they’re young and you’ll see all your hard work pay off in the future when they grow into a happy teenager.

Childhood is a good time to teach them good behaviour because they respect and want to be close to you. This changes when they become a teenager, as they’ll probably rely more on their friends.

Using positive feedback is a great idea. That means giving lots of praise to build up your child’s self-esteem, and talking about their strengths and not weaknesses. Your opinion of your child has a huge impact on what they think of themselves and so being too critical can damage confidence.

When your child does something good, praise them and explain why. So rather than saying ‘Good girl’ when they put their toys away, say ‘You’re a good girl for putting your toys away and helping me.’ Your child will see the value of good behaviour.

You can use positive feedback when your child is misbehaving too. That doesn’t mean buying them sweets when they’re naughty, but making it clear that you’re upset about their behaviour, not them. For example, instead of saying ‘You’re a very naughty child’ if they do something wrong, try saying ‘That was a very naughty thing to do’. That way, your child won’t see themselves as a bad person and will know they have the power to change their behaviour.

It’s up to you to set rules and boundaries in your child’s life -most children are happier living with rules. Always be consistent with boundaries. For example, don’t tell your child off for jumping on the table one minute, and then let them do it the next. Rules also work better if your child knows why they exist.

Another way to make sure your child grows up happy and secure is to have fun with them. Modern life is often so busy that many parents don’t have time to sit down and spend time playing with their child.

Play is important because it helps your child feel good about themselves. Also, your child enjoys being close to you. Having fun with your child is as important as them having their own friends and hobbies.

Parents have a vital job teaching their children how to be a good person

Young children want their parents’ approval so childhood is a good time to teach them positive behaviour

Use positive feedback to build up your child’s self-esteem

When you praise your child, explain exactly why you’re pleased with them

Children are happier if they have rules to follow

Use play to teach your child about good behaviour too

WARNING SIGNS

ls your child’s self-esteem low? Do they say things like ‘I’m stupid’ or ‘I’ll never be able to do this right’? If so, their confidence has been damaged somehow.

ACTION

What you say to your child and how you treat them can hugely influence their behaviour as they grow up. Develop a good relationship with them before they reach their teens.

WHAT TO SAY

Praise your child when they’re good. When they do something difficult, say ‘Well done, you managed that, even though it was hard.’ Don’t lose your temper when you discipline your child and make it clear that you’re unhappy with their behaviour, not them as a person.

PREVENTION

You can help prevent bad behaviour when your child gets older by putting in the hard work now - it really is worth it!

CONTACTS

• Your local doctor, health visitor • Your local school

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I tell Sarah off if she’s naughty but I don’t like criticising her too much. Hurtful comments could damage her confidence. I think it’s better to highlight her good behaviour - that way she wants to behave well for me.

”

It happens most days. They call me smelly and fat. They made me give them money again yesterday. They’re in the same class and they’re always laughing at me. They said if I tell it will be ten times worse. Sometimes I don’t go to school… I can’t stand it anymore.”

WARNING SIGNS

Running away, non-attendance at school, other learning and behavioural difficulties for no obvious reason. Your child has injuries with no feasible explanation for them.

ACTION

See the headteacher at the school for their support and action. If bullying is happening outside school, consider contacting the family of the child who is bullying and try to find a way to work together to sort it out.

WHAT TO SAY

Refuse to put up with bullying. Walk away, tell an adult or friend and avoid fighting. Parents - listen to your child, reassure and be there for them.

PREVENTION

Talk to your child about their school day. Teach your child to respect others from a young age. Teach your child that prejudice and bullying is unacceptable.

CONTACTS

• Kidscape 08451 205 204 • ChildLine 0800 1111 • Contact your child’s headteacher WEBLINKS: • www.childline.org.uk • www.kidscape.org.uk

• www.bullying.co.uk • www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk

The real story

Bullying is a frightening experience. It can isolate and damage a young person’s self-confidence. Some ongoing bullying can have negative long-term effects on children, leading to depression and even suicidal thoughts and actions.

School days are a time when the influence of other children is very important and fitting in is seen as essential. If children are thought of as different for any reason, they can be picked on and bullied. Sadly, we still live in a society in which to be different in any way can mean ridicule and bullying (often copied from parents) and this ensures that prejudice will continue into the next generation. It is crucial to be alert to the possibility of bullying and make sure you know the tell-tale signs.

You may think that your child is unlikely to be bullied but the reality is that bullying can happen at any time and to any child.

Bullies who continually harm other children need support and help as well. They may have experienced difficulties of their

own at home, which may have led to their actions. Reporting concerns may help them to get help as well.

• Bullying can happen anywhere but most commonly it happens in school.

• Bullying can take many forms, from verbal abuse to physical attack.

• Bullying is the repeated abuse of a child by one or several people.

• Bullies are not always older than the child they harm.

• Most bullying is done by children who are the same age as the victim.

If your child tells you about a friend or any other child who is being bullied - listen carefully and take this seriously. That child may not be able to say for themselves what is happening.

Today all schools are required to have an Anti-Bullying Policy. However, school action alone cannot guarantee success and so it is important that parents and schools work together.

Children have the right not to be hurt

Bullying behaviour is unacceptable

Bullying can happen to any child at any age

Act immediately if you think your child is being bullied

Children need ways to protect themselves and seek help

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Andrew is seven, and I was very careful to visit and discuss his needs at the after-school club. It now means I can work a full day knowing his needs are being met and he is in a safe place.”

WARNING SIGNS

We all have a duty to promote the welfare of children and to make sure they are safe. If you feel concerned for the well being of a child then you must bring it to the attention of your childminder or out of school leader. If you are still concerned you can phone Ofsted 08456 40 40 45. If a child is in immediate danger then call the police.

ACTION

In order to find safe, high quality childcare that is registered with Ofsted, please ring the Family Information Service on 0800 073 1214. They can send you a list of all the childcare in your area and give you helpful tips about how to make the best choice for you and your child.

WHAT TO SAY

Always make a preliminary visit to your childcare setting. Take your child along with you and, if they are old enough let them ask some questions too! The Family Information Service can send you some suggestions about how to find high quality childcare..

CONTACTS

• Ofsted 08456 40 40 45 • FIS 0800 073 1214 • Police 999 WEBLINKS: • www.surestart.gov.uk • www.bathnes.gov.uk/fis

How do I make the right choice?

The Family Information Service can provide you with an up to date list of all the childcare in your area and helpful tips and suggestions about how to make the right choice.

Whenever and wherever possible ask your child for their thoughts and suggestions about choosing childcare so that both you and your child will be happy with the arrangements made.

Ofsted (Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills) is responsible for registering and inspecting the list of Ofsted registered childcare.

In England, most childcare for children under eight has to be registered with Ofsted. By being registered with Ofsted parents can expect that childcare providers are meeting the Governments National Standards for Childcare. This means that the childcare will be of high quality; staff will be well trained; the premises will be safe and will be inspected on a regular basis.

Childminders Childminders look after children, usually in their own home. They are registered with Ofsted and inspected regularly. Childminders can often be flexible about the hours they work and will offer your child a safe and stimulating range of activities.

Every childminder is different so look for someone who will suit you and your child’s needs. Some childminders are part of a network; these childminders have agreed to meet set quality standards and some may be accredited to offer some early years education.

Out of School clubs These clubs provide sessional play and care for school aged children aged four upwards. There are breakfast clubs, which offer care before the school day starts, after school clubs and holiday play schemes. They are usually based in school premises, community centres, church halls, attached to day nurseries or other suitable venues. They are regularly inspected by Ofsted.

With the right support and training most childminders and out of school clubs will look after children with disabilities.

Financial Help There are a range of childcare benefits available to families who are either working full or part time or who are studying or retraining. The Child Tax Credit Helpline will tell you if you are eligible for Working Tax Credits. Contact them on 0845 300 3900 (or visit www.inlandrevenue.gov.uk). The Family Information Service also produces a guide to the types of benefits available to families.

All registered childcare in England must meet national standards set out by the Government

The Family Information Service (FIS) hold lists of registered out-of-school clubs, childminders and children’s leisure activities, nurseries and pre-schools

Talk to other parents, but visit all your options to make an informed choice

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When mum goes out, I lock the door from the inside and she calls through the letterbox to say goodbye. She usually comes home in the night when I am asleep.”

WARNING SIGNS

Parents who have little support. A child who is often seen outside and all alone for long periods of time. Childcare arrangements that keep going wrong. Children will not always be able to tell you if something is wrong, so note changes in their behaviour.

ACTION

If there is immediate risk of harm to a child, call the Police. Use people you trust to care for your child. Speak to other families who have used the babysitter you are thinking about.

WHAT TO SAY

If you are worried about a child being left alone, talk to the parent, a health visitor, teacher or social worker. Tell the babysitter about your rules, your childs routine and always leave a contact number in case of emergencies.

PREVENTION

Think about shared babysitting and chat to neighbours, friends or other parents. Find out about after-school clubs and holiday play schemes. Make sure you feel comfortable with your babysitter before leaving your child in their care.

CONTACTS

• FIS 0800 073 1214 • Sitters 0800 38 900 38 • NSPCC 0808 800 5000 • Sure Start 0870 000 2288 • One Parent Families/Gingerbread 0800 018 5026 WEBLINKS: • www.sitters.co.uk • www.nspcc.org.uk

• www.surestart.gov.uk • www.oneparentfamilies.org.uk

Common sense and the law

If a child is not ready to be left alone they can feel sad, lonely, frightened and it can be dangerous. There are many possible risks, both physical and emotional, which could affect your child.

It is not possible to rely on a child to let you know how much care they need. They may say that they do not mind being left and may find it fun at first, but they cannot fully know the possible risks and how to handle them.

Even ordinary things that happen in life, such as hunger, a storm, the phone ringing or someone coming to the front door can cause problems. An accident, feeling ill or a power cut may occur and these are not things that a child would know how to deal with.

If they are told, the Police or social services may take action if they think that a child has been neglected by being left alone. Neglect happens when a parent or carer does not meet children’s basic needs of food, shelter, security, attention or protection from danger.

The NSPCC have issued guidelines advising that children under the age of 13 should not be left alone. While this is not the law, it is suggested as good

practice. Children under this age cannot manage the responsibility of being left alone and this may be particularly so if they have a disability.

As parents the safety and well-being of your child is up to you. As a result it is important that you think very carefully about the person you are going to leave them with, whether this is a stranger, close relative or a friend.

Generally a babysitter will come to your home to take care of your child. Make sure you let them know what you expect and make sure they have your contact details in case of emergency.

Babysitters do not need qualifications or a certificate to look after children. As a result anyone can be a babysitter. The Children’s Legal Centre and the NSPCC advise that the minimum age of a babysitter should be 16 years of age. This is based on the idea that at 16 and above, a young person understands possible dangers and risks and could get help quickly if needed.

Do not leave your child with anyone you feel uncomfortable about, even if it means missing an evening out.

Never leave a young child alone

Children are not ready for this amount of responsibility

Leaving a child alone places them at risk of harm

Select your babysitter carefully

Make sure your babysitter can contact you in an emergency

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You’re not alone

If your child has a disability the future may seem daunting not just for them, but for you too. Remember you and your child are not alone. The Government, local council, health and education authorities provide a wide range of benefits, facilities, support and advice for disabled children and their carers.

Legal protection Your child is especially protected by law. The Disability Discrimination Act makes it unlawful for any service provider (including schools, businesses and organisations) to treat disabled people less favourably than other people because of their disability. It also requires them to make reasonable adjustments to make their services accessible to disabled people.

Health From the start, your doctor and local health service are there for you. They’ll provide the help and advice you need to discover and assess your child’s disability. They’ll help you plan the treatment, therapy, equipment and ongoing medical care that your child may need.

Benefits There are benefits that you could receive to help you with the costs of caring for a disabled child. These can include: Disability Living Allowance; Carers

Allowance and help with extra housing costs; free dental treatment and prescriptions; help with the cost of glasses and in some circumstances travel to hospital and school meals.

Education Depending on their kind of disability, your child may benefit most by attending a special school - an environment specifically designed to match their educational needs. Alternatively your child may receive the extra support they require through the special needs provisions available in a mainstream school. Your education authority and health service providers will help you assess your child’s special educational needs.

Extra support Your council can provide extra support for you and your child. This can include special leisure facilities and short breaks, aids and adaptions and many additional services for particular needs. Also there are many local, national and international organisations and charities specially set up to provide further help, advice and support to people just like you.

Make contact You’re not alone, so make contact today and get the support you need.

Your child is protected by the Disability Discrimination Act

The Government, your local council, education and health authorities are there to help

There are many forms of extra services and support available to you and your child. FIS has a dedicated development worker who can offer support to families of disabled children.

Support groups, parent groups and other organisations are out there to help you cope. Make contact today

”

WARNING SIGNS

Some children’s disabilities are diagnosed fairly early. Others take time to appear or happen suddenly. If you think your child may have some form of disability, contact your health visitor or doctor for advice.

ACTION

Don’t think you have to go it alone. Get as much information as you can about your child’s condition. Find out what services, support, benefits and advice is available and make contact with FIS.

WHAT TO SAY

There are many organisations specially set up to give support and advice to parents of disabled children. Contact them and tell your story. There will be others out there just like you.

PREVENTION

By making sure you have a support network around you and access to good information, you can reduce the impact of your child’s disability.

CONTACTS

• FIS 0800 073 1214 • Doctor or health visitor • Carers helpline 0808 808 7777 • NHS Direct 0845 4647 • Benefit Enquiry Line 0800 88 22 00 • Contact a Family 0800 808 3555 WEBLINKS: • www.carersuk.org • www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk

• www.mencap.org.uk • www.face2facenetwork.org.uk

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When I found out that Josie was disabled I didn’t know how I was going to

cope. I just didn’t think I’d be able to do it alone. Pretty soon

I realised I didn’t have to.

”

WARNING SIGNS

Everyone reacts to loss differently and it takes some people longer than others to come to terms with a loss. Give your child as much time and patience as they need. Saying bad things or fighting with your partner in front of your children is only going to hurt them.

ACTION

Tell your children about what’s happening and how it will affect their lives. You may not be the person they find it easiest to talk to, so encourage others to be there for them. Show them that their well-being is important to you both by listening to their feelings and wishes.

WHAT TO SAY

Remember to let them know it’s alright to still laugh or have fun - it doesn’t mean you’re grieving any less. Explain why you are breaking up and that it is nothing to do with things your child may have said or done.

PREVENTION

Keep the lines of communication open as the more you talk, the easier the healing process will be. If you do separate or divorce try to stop your children feeling hurt, guilty, or unloved. Talk to them so they understand why you are breaking up and how this will affect their lives.

CONTACTS

• Cruse Bereavement Care helpline 0844 477 9400 WEBLINKS: • www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk • www.rd4u.org.uk

• www.dca.gov.uk (Government website with tips for handling separation) • www.itsnotyourfault.org

It’s not their fault

Loss and bereavement Loss or death is difficult for everyone. Children need a lot of support and understanding to help them work through their grief.

There is no right or wrong way to react and everyone handles things in different ways. There will be a range of feelings your children are likely to go through such as feeling numb as they try to understand that someone is really not coming back; anger at the person who died, at you, at others or themselves; blaming themselves in some way or feeling guilty because they don’t think they’re grieving ‘enough’; sadness or depression.

It is easy for children to think they are the only ones who have lost someone and that no one else understands them, but talking to other people will help. Talk to your child about what has happened as much as they want to. They may find this hard, so encourage friends or a teacher to be there for them too. It may help if they talk to a bereavement counsellor.

Separation and divorce When a relationship breaks down it is hard for the whole family. While you may think it is kinder to try and protect your children from the details, the truth is that the

more your child understands what is going on, the easier they will find it to cope.

If possible, have both parents there when you explain what’s going to happen and why. Try not to fight in front of them and make clear that even though you will be living apart you will both be there for them whenever they need you. They may have mixed feelings during this time including feeling hurt, confused and unloved. You both need to be patient and understanding of their needs as well as your own.

Children often think that their parents’ breaking up is somehow their fault and that they’ve done something wrong. They need to understand that what’s happened is not their fault. You may find your child taking the side of one parent. Hopefully, this will pass and by explaining the facts, a good relationship can be kept with both parents.

Talk to your children and listen to what they have to say. How you handle the break-up is important for their well-being. Try to get them to talk about their feelings and involve them in making choices about the future and what changes may happen.

Death affects everyone differently

Talking helps ease the pain; be there for each other

Separation can be as upsetting for your children as it is for you

Let them know you will both still be there for them

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Since his father died, my son seems to have disappeared into his own little world. I desperately want to help him but I don’t know what to do, he just doesn’t want to talk to me about it.”

”

I crept downstairs because I heard arguing. Dad was standing over mum kicking her. I made sure that my sister did not see, but we still heard. When mum came upstairs, her nose was bleeding and we all cried, we stayed there until dad went out.”

WARNING SIGNS

Any violence between adults will negatively affect children. Seek support and help as soon as possible. The longer it lasts the more damaging violence is.

ACTION

Report your concerns about yourself or someone else to the Police. If you are worried that your child might be affected, talk to them about what is happening. Spend time together talking through worries they have.

WHAT TO SAY

Children need time to discuss the feelings they have about violence. Children need to know that it is not their fault and that this is not the way relationships should be.

PREVENTION

The violent partner should take responsibility for their violence and abuse by seeking help to stop. Offer a positive role model for children so that they learn other ways of behaving. A Safety Plan helps protect you and your children.

CONTACTS

• National Domestic Violence helpline 0808 2000 247 • NSPCC 0808 800 5000 • In an emergency 999 WEBLINKS: • www.womensaid.org.uk • www.refuge.org.uk

• www.nspcc.org.uk

How does it affect children?

Domestic abuse is a crime that happens in close or family relationships. Everyone’s situation is different but all forms of domestic abuse stem from the abuser’s need to feel power and control over family members. Anyone who is abusive towards his or her partner runs the risk of damaging their whole family.

Domestic abuse is common, affecting one in four women in their lifetimes. It also happens in same sex relationships. Men too can be victims.

Children know about violence at home even when parents say they don’t argue in front of them. Seeing domestic abuse can be emotionally damaging and children may be injured by the violence. Sometimes children are used by the abuser to put pressure on the victim, for example to keep them in the abusive relationship.

Most parents want to protect their children but domestic abuse stops them from doing their best because they are always tired and unhappy. Victims sometimes use alcohol and drugs as a way to cope with abuse, more so if they feel alone.

Domestic abuse can make children afraid and withdrawn. It can disturb sleep, upset their

school life and cause problems in making friends. It can lead to low self-confidence, depression and difficulties in forming relationships. Children might also think that hitting or shouting is a good way to end an argument.

Support from outside the family helps children. So does a good relationship with the non-abusive parent and positive experiences outside home - especially at school. It is good to talk to the school about your child’s experiences at home. This will be treated in confidence and will help your child.

Getting free from abuse is not easy. Many victims leave and return several times before making the break. But there are services that can help. These include safe houses where women and children can live away from abuse. Refuges and some outreach services also provide help for children through the adjustment of leaving.

If you leave by yourself, make sure it’s safe and you cannot be traced easily. Make a crisis safety plan to help keep you and your children safe. Know how to contact emergency help at any time.

Domestic abuse can affect children in serious and long-lasting ways

Where there is domestic abuse there is often child abuse

Children can sometimes blame themselves for problems in their family

Nearly a third of domestic abuse begins in pregnancy

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WARNING SIGNS

An unhealthy diet can lead to health problems for all the family. You may not sleep well, be able to concentrate, feel less active and not have sufficient energy to live life to the full.

ACTION

Get active. Eat a healthy balanced diet. You can ask your doctor for diet and exercise advice for a healthy lifestyle for you and your family. If you are a smoker get help to give up. Take your child to the dentist regularly.

WHAT TO SAY

Explain to your children the importance of leading a healthy lifestyle. Suggest activities you can do as a family like cycling or swimming so you can get fit and have fun together.

PREVENTION

Balance is the key! Too much saturated fat, salt and sugar are bad for the body. Prevent ill health by balancing your lifestyle.

CONTACTS

• Health visitor or midwife • National Quit Line 0800 00 22 00 • NHS Stop Smoking Service 0800 169 0 169 WEBLINKS: • www.eatwell.gov.uk

Looking after their body

What you eat It can be confusing to know how to plan healthy meals for you and your family. Obesity and heart disease are major problems in the UK today, because we eat too much saturated fat, salt and sugar in fast food and snacks and not enough fresh fruit and vegetables. Balance is the key. It's important to make sure your child eats a good variety of foods in sensible amounts.

Exercise Encourage your children to be as active as possible. The whole family can get involved -swimming, long walks, bike rides, kicking a ball around the park or even walking to school or to the shops counts as exercise. There are often after-school clubs where your child can take part in activities such as football or dance class.

Teeth Special care is needed for teeth. No one likes going to the dentist, but it's much less unpleasant if you take your child for regular check-ups and help them look after their teeth in-between times.

Children should not have too many sugary snacks and drinks, which can lead to tooth decay. Where possible use non-sugar alternatives and always make sure they brush their teeth regularly (twice a day) with a family fluoride toothpaste. If your child has problems with their teeth please ensure you take them to the dentist. This will help to prevent serious problems in the future.

Just think, a healthier diet means better resistance to infections, less time off school, enough energy to last the day and less tooth decay.

Balance is the key to a healthy lifestyle

If you eat more calories than your body burns, you will put on weight

Act now and protect your children from second hand smoke

Every child has the right to a healthy mouth and a nice smile

Register your child with a dentist as soon as you can

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I encourage my children to be as active as possible. We try to do a lot of activities as a family which is good for my health too!”

”

WARNING SIGNS

Spend some time exploring your house as if you were a child. This will show you the many potential dangers that, if not removed, could harm your child. If there is a fire, a smoke alarm will warn you, giving you and your family time to get out safely.

ACTION

Make a list of potential dangers and remove them to safety or protect your child from them by using safety devices. Plan escape routes and make sure all the family know about them.

WHAT TO SAY

Make sure your child understands potential dangers around the home. Explain why they are not allowed to touch certain things, such as kettles and medicines etc.

PREVENTION

Remove dangerous objects like drugs and household chemicals out of the reach of children. Get a free home fire safety check. Fit smoke alarms and make sure you check them regularly.

CONTACTS

• Talk to your health visitor or midwife • The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA)

0121 248 2000 • Child Accident Prevention Trust (CAPT) 020 7608 3828

WEBLINKS: • www.rospa.com • www.capt.org.uk • www.firekills.gov.uk • www.fire.gov.uk

Making your home safe

Most accidents happen in the home and this is why it is important to ensure that your home is safe for all your family especially for children. They need guidance from a young age about what danger is and how to keep safe.

Be aware of dangers around the home.

• Make sure that all medicines and drugs are locked away well out of reach and your use of them is private to avoid your child copying you.

• Keep matches and lighters away from children.

• Certain rooms are necessarily full of danger, such as the kitchen, and should remain out of bounds or made safe by the use of safety devices.

• Are your children contained within the house? Is the safety chain high enough on the front door?

• Near wires and sockets. • Children should never be left

alone with pets. Even trained and good natured animals can be tested when children are around.

• Make sure that irons, saucepans and hot drinks are kept out of the reach of children. Scalding and burns are common and avoidable accidents.

• Check toys for safety marks. Ensure that your child does not play with toys that are not suitable for his or her age, especially if the pieces are small enough to choke on. Unsafe toys can be very dangerous.

• Make a fire action plan and discuss this with everyone in the house so that you all know how to escape in the event of a fire.

• Keep all exits and stairways free from clutter and know where the keys are to all doors.

• Fit smoke alarms and make sure you check them regularly. There are special alarms for people who are deaf or hard of hearing.

• Close all internal doors prior to going to bed.

Children learn by exploring their surroundings

Remove all potential dangers in your home

Watch your child and remove him or her from danger

Explain about safety to your child from an early age

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I want my children to have fun but also to feel safe around the home. I warn them about the dangers but can’t keep an eye on them all the time.”

”

WARNING SIGNS

Your child might not want to leave their primary school. They might feel nervous and insecure about the big changes and say they feel too ill to go to school. They might be angry towards you or cry, too. These are all quite normal things to go through.

ACTION

Start thinking about which secondary school you want your child to go to well in advance. Your child’s primary school will probably arrange visits to local secondary schools. If it doesn’t, try to visit them yourself. Talk to as many people as you can. Remember to make the decision with your child, not for them.

WHAT TO SAY

If your child feels nervous, talk about how you felt when you changed schools. Explain that it’s natural to feel like this but that everyone’s in the same situation.

PREVENTION

If you’re feeling anxious about your child starting at secondary school, try not to let them see this. Be positive about the exciting change they’re about to go through. Talking to your child openly and often about what’s going to happen will help them feel prepared about the next stage in their life.

CONTACTS

• Parentline Plus 0808 800 2222 • FIS 0800 073 1214 WEBLINKS: • www.parentlineplus.org.uk • www.direct.gov.uk

• www.parentscentre.gov.uk

Settling in

If you have a child at primary school, choosing which secondary school your child will move to is a really important decision.

Start thinking about it well in advance. Find out about the secondary schools near you, and talk to as many people as you can -teachers and parents for example. Visit the schools and read their recent Ofsted report if you can. What happens if there’s a problem? Does the school have a good policy to deal with bullying for example? Of course, you should make the decision with your child. Which school would they prefer to go to?

When you’ve decided which schools you’re interested in, it’s time to apply for a place. This needs to happen in the autumn term a year before your child would start there. You’ll find out if your child has been accepted by March. If they haven’t been given a place, you can appeal against the school’s decision.

When your child leaves primary school to go to secondary school, it’s a big change for them. They’re used to being the oldest in their school - soon they’ll be the youngest. Everything will be brand new and much bigger. They’ll have more books, more teachers

and more homework. They might not have their old friends around them, either - but will make lots of new ones.

Moving school can be a little scary but really exciting, too. It’s important to give your child as much support as you can to make this time easier for them.

Visiting the school with your child to meet their teachers before they start can be really helpful. Ask around and find out who else is going to their new school - can you go together on the first day?

There are lots of things that your child will need when they start at secondary school, so aim to be prepared well in advance - think about their uniform (if they wear one), a bag for their books, sports kit, stationery and equipment.

Moving to secondary school can also be a big moment for parents. You might worry how your child is going to cope with new friends and new subjects to learn, or how they’ll deal with the pressures of being a teenager. While you probably feel excited for them, maybe you also feel a little sad that your child is growing up and doesn’t need you so much any more. It’s natural to feel like this sometimes.

Moving from primary school to secondary school will be a huge change for your child

Start thinking about which secondary school you’d like them to go to well in advance

Find out as much as you can about their new school

It can sometimes be a difficult time for parents, too

If you feel you need some extra support ring FIS and ask to speak to the Choice adviser

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When Liam moved to secondary school it was an exciting time for him ­and us, too! He wasn’t the only one who had to get used to a whole new routine ­there were big changes for the whole family.”

”

Parents have a key role

Children who are encouraged to express themselves freely through play tend to be more able to adapt, learn skills and perform better at school. As a parent it’s important to spend time playing with your child, providing stimulation and interaction. Involving children in daily activities such as shopping, laying the table or cooking will provide ‘real life’ opportunities for children to learn. From birth your child begins to learn through play about using their senses, social interaction, language and mobility.

The Government is setting up Children’s Centres to improve the range and quality of services for children under 11 and their families. Through Children’s Centres families will find a wide range of services and support, particularly when it comes to play and learning.

At home your child will begin to play more on their own or with friends.

It is still vital to be involved in your child’s play activities, as well as any hobbies, artistic or sporting interests that they may develop as they grow. Giving your child time and encouragement is of even greater value than new toys or games, and being involved in their play means that you are part of their personal, social and emotional development.

As they grow older you will need to establish ground rules about playing out and visiting friends. Try to find a way of encouraging your child to get out and interact with others, whilst ensuring that you know where they are and that they are fully aware of dangers and threats to their safety.

As children, we all enjoyed playing once - perhaps we still do. Learning to play again with your child can be great fun. It will bring you closer to your child and play a vital role in preparing them for a full and active life.

Children of all ages learn through play

Play is a vital part of your child’s development

Early childhood experiences affect children’s attitude to learning

Children need a safe and supportive environment where they can play, learn and develop

As a parent you have a continuing vital role in your child’s play and learning

They say you experience second childhood when you get old. I experience it every time I play with my child. I’d forgotten what fun it can be!”WARNING SIGNS

If your child isn’t receiving enough stimulation from you or from other carers, they may not be getting the opportunity they need to learn. It could seriously affect their development and future attitude to learning.

ACTION

Make time to have fun playing with your child. Make sure other carers have a positive attitude to play and learning. Find out about play activities that are available in your area.

WHAT TO SAY

Just go with the flow. Introduce as many different experiences as you can. Try to discover what sort of play interests your child and play along with them.

PREVENTION

Avoid letting your child get bored. Spend time with children - keep them stimulated. Try to think up new activities for your child, especially ones for rainy days.

CONTACTS

• ChildLine 0800 1111 • FIS 0800 073 1214 • Libraries WEBLINKS: • www.familyeducation.com • www.childline.org.uk

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”

Make them feel great!

Positive parenting is about bringing out the best in your child, by listening and understanding, praising and encouraging their efforts, noticing and rewarding good behaviour and doing things together that you both enjoy.

In trying to be helpful, it is often easy to point out where a child is going wrong and forget to notice the things that go right. By doing this you are unwittingly giving your child lots of attention for negative unwanted behaviour, rather than for the good behaviour. Parental attention and praise is one of the biggest motivators for children so you need to use it in the right way. Not only will this influence your child’s behaviour in a positive way, it will also make your child feel happy, loved, wanted and secure and this is the basis of life-long confidence and self-esteem.

Make your child feel great by being a positive role model, giving positive accurate feedback, identifying and redirecting your child’s inaccurate beliefs and by being spontaneous and affectionate.

Children have to learn to make their own decisions and establish their independence from their parents.

Promoting the health of your child is a task that most parents do without thinking. Whether it involves encouraging your child to brush their teeth or wash their hands after using the toilet, you are an important source of information and advice and an influential role model for your child.

Eating is an important and enjoyable part of life. Encourage your child to try lots of different healthy foods. If you notice they are becoming overweight help them do something about it in a positive way. Suggest activities you can do together. Make sure they feel good about the way they look to ensure against eating and self-esteem problems as they get older.

Children need to feel secure, loved and valued - this is the basis of self-esteem and confidence

Noticing and rewarding good behaviour is the best way of influencing your child’s behaviour

Be realistic about what you expect from your child

Parents and carers need to work together and be consistent

Listen to and talk to your child - it’s good to talk!

Do things together with your child that you both enjoy -have fun!

My mum is great - she always makes time for me, even when she is busy.”

WARNING SIGNS

Is your child eating well? Getting enough exercise? Any changes in their behaviour? Is your child trying to tell you something?

ACTION

Be involved and develop a good relationship with your child early on. Adopt a healthy lifestyle. Share activities together.

WHAT TO SAY

With younger children, set clear boundaries and stick to them. This way your child will understand no means no and will feel supported and secure.

PREVENTION

Be a little crazy! Have fun with your child. Encourage good friendships and outside interests. Listen carefully to your child’s point of view. Help them think through choices.

CONTACTS

• Parentline Plus 0808 800 2222 • YoungMinds 0800 018 2138 WEBLINKS: • www.parentlineplus.org.uk • www.youngminds.org.uk

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”

WARNING SIGNS

When you are out and about, you may be more easily distracted and not see the signs that your child is at risk of injury. Your child is your responsibility, so always keep a close eye on them.

ACTION

When you are out, look out for danger areas, don’t ignore warning notices; never let your children play in or near water on their own; always keep your child close to you especially when crossing the road.

WHAT TO SAY

Remind your child, whatever their age, to look before crossing a road. Ask them to take sensible precautions if they are old enough to be out by themselves.

PREVENTION

Most accidents involving children are preventable with adequate care and attention. Never leave a child unsupervised and keep a close eye on them at all times.

CONTACTS

• NSPCC helpline 0808 800 5000 • Child Accident Prevention Trust (CAPT) 020 7608 3828 • Parentline Plus 0808 800 2222 • The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA)

0121 248 2000 WEBLINKS: • www.nspcc.org.uk • www.capt.org.uk • www.rospa.com

• www.parentlineplus.org.uk • www.thinkroadsafety.gov.uk

Are your children safe?

Most accidents that happen to young children, such as injuries from falls or drowning, could be avoided with adequate supervision.

It’s important to always be aware of where your child is when you are out. When shopping, always make sure your child stays close to you - it is easy for them to get lost. Supervise playground activities - ensure the playground equipment is suitable for your child’s age group, to prevent injury.

Never let your children play in or near water on their own. Even a garden pond or a paddling pool presents a risk.

Parents should begin to teach their children the basic rules for crossing the road as soon as possible. Consider holding hands, with your child walking on the pavement furthest away from the road edge. Children are unlikely to judge the speed and distance of travelling vehicles and should never attempt to cross the road by themselves.

It is a parent’s responsibility to decide when a child is old enough to cross roads safely.

In the car, make sure your child is in an age-appropriate car seat and is securely belted in. You should also check that the car seat is strapped in properly - many road accident injuries occur due to wrongly strapped seats, which do not restrain the child adequately on impact.

It can be difficult finding the balance between giving your child enough freedom to gain confidence and making sure they are safe. Children under eight should not be allowed out alone. Teach your child road safety from a young age, so it is habit for them to check for cars before crossing a road. Older children may be trusted to go out for short periods by themselves, but always agree a time for them to return or to phone you. Remind them never to go off with someone they don’t know, whatever convincing story they may have.

Your child is your responsibility, so always keep a close eye on them

Never ignore warning signs

Most accidents are preventable with adequate care and attention

Mobile phones are a good link to your child

I thought she was right behind me, but when I turned round, I couldn’t see her anywhere. I ran through the park calling her name. When I found her I just burst into tears with relief.”

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”

Everyday I hear the child next door crying. Yesterday I saw her mother hit him hard across the side of her head. This is probably none of my business

but I am worried and not sure what to do.

WARNING SIGNS

There are many possible signs of abuse, ranging from physical injury to changes in behaviour. Alternatively you may witness an incident or a child may tell you that he/she is being harmed.

ACTION

If you think that a child has been harmed, contact the duty social worker or the Police. If you are not sure, you can speak to a confidential helpline, such as the NSPCC.

WHAT TO SAY

Explain exactly what you have seen or been told. If you can, keep a note of dates, injuries and the exact words used. These will help you.

PREVENTION

Make sure your child knows who they can share worries with if and when they need to. Listen carefully to children and be alert to changes in them.

CONTACTS

• NSPCC 0808 800 5000 • Parentline Plus 0808 800 2222 • ChildLine 0800 1111 • Family Rights Group 0800 731 1696 WEBLINKS: • www.nspcc.org.uk • www.parentlineplus.org.uk

• www.childline.org.uk • www.frg.org.uk

Should I mind my own business?

All parents have problems at times but can be helped by other family members or close friends. If someone you know is having difficulties, you could:

• Listen to their problems. • Help them to cope. • Encourage them to get

more help. • Support them by babysitting

or doing shopping.

However, there may be times when a child is at risk of harm and you need to get outside help. How would you want other people to act if your child was being harmed?

When we think, see or are told about a child that is being hurt, we can react in many different ways. We may feel guilty, angry or shocked. Some people’s reactions can stop a family getting the help they need.

Many people do not tell because they fear that: • Children will get hurt more. • Nothing will be done. • The child will be taken away. • The family may find out who

reported them. • Telling may ruin family

relationships.

It is best that action is taken early to stop things getting worse. Long-term abuse is much more likely to cause problems for a child as they get older. Even if you think something is just a one-off, other agencies may already have concerns about the child. Your information could be very important.

If you report your concerns to Children’s Services, you will be asked for your details and about the worries you have. You should write down what you want to say before you speak to them so that you can remember everything. If you are not a professional, we can keep your name and address confidential from the abuser. You can also make an anonymous referral if you prefer.

Protecting children is everyone’s business

Adults have a responsibility to report abuse

Abuse can be physical, emotional, sexual or involve neglect

Consider offering some support if you are worried

If in doubt, share your concerns about children with the Local Authority Duty Social Worker or Police

Reporting concerns rarely leads to a child being removed

Act now; abuse is damaging for children

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Helpful national organisations

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Adfam (Advice for Families and Friends of Drug and Alcohol Users) 020 7553 7640 www.adfam.org.uk

Barnardos 020 8550 8822 www.barnardos.org.uk

Beating Eating Disorders 0845 634 1414 (helpline) 0845 634 7650 (youthline) www.b-eat.co.uk Brook Advisory Centres 0800 0185 023 www.brook.org.uk

Child Accident Prevention Trust 020 7608 3828 www.capt.org.uk

ChildLine 0800 1111 www.childline.org.uk

Childrens Legal Centre 01206 872466 www.childrenslegalcentre.com Contact a Family Supports families caring for children with a disability or special needs 0808 808 3555 www.cafamily.org.uk CRY-SIS helpline 08451 228 669 www.cry-sis.org.uk

Daycare Trust 020 7840 3350 (parents helpline) www.daycaretrust.org.uk

Families and Friends of Lesbians & Gays (FFLAG) 0845 652 0311 (central helpline) www.fflag.org.uk

Family Planning Association (FPA) 0845 122 8690 (helpline) www.fpa.org.uk Family Rights Group 0800 731 1696 www.frg.org.uk

Kidscape 08451 205 204 (parents bullying helpline)

g.uk.kidscape.orwww

National Alcohol helpline 0800 917 8282 National Domestic Violence helpline 0808 2000 247 www.womensaid.org.uk www.refuge.org.uk

National Drugs helpline (FRANK) 0800 77 66 00 www.talktofrank.com

NHS Direct 0845 4647 www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk

NSPCC 0808 800 5000 www.nspcc.org.uk

One Parent Families/Gingerbread 0800 018 5026 www.oneparentfamilies.org.uk www.gingerbread.org.uk Parentline Plus 0808 800 2222 www.parentlineplus.org.uk

Police (in an emergency) 999 Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA) 0121 248 2000 www.rospa.com

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 www.samaritans.org

Sexwise 0800 28 29 30 www.ruthinking.co.uk

Victim Support 0845 30 30 900 www.victimsupport.org

YoungMinds 0800 018 2138 (Parents Information Service) www.youngminds.org.uk

Youth Justice Board for England & Wales 020 7271 3033 (enquiry line)

.uk.yjb.govwww

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