Victim Survivor Thriver - ObesityHelp...Survivor Eating Patterns • Follow postFollow post--op eating protocol.op eating protocol. • Feel release from victim eating. • Eating

VictimVictimSurvivorSurvivorThriverThriver

OH S t G L dOH S t G L dOH Support Group LeadersOH Support Group Leaders

November 6, 2008November 6, 2008

•• Presenter: Lynn MeinkePresenter: Lynn Meinke

Professional Certified CoachProfessional Certified Coach

Phone: 610.876.6487Phone: 610.876.6487

Email: Email: CoachingServicesIntl@comcast netCoachingServicesIntl@comcast netEmail: Email: [email protected]@comcast.net

A Model to WholenessA Model to Wholeness

Victim → Survivor → Thriver

→ →

© Lynn © Lynn MeinkeMeinke, Coaching Services International, Coaching Services International

Victim Eating PatternsVictim Eating Patternsgg

•• Compulsive eatingCompulsive eating •• Eating to avoid Eating to avoid p gp g

•• Unconscious eatingUnconscious eating

•• Emotional eatingEmotional eating

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•• CravingsCravings

•• Eating for comfortEating for comfort•• Emotional eatingEmotional eating

•• Stress eating Stress eating

at g o co o tat g o co o t

•• Always thinking about Always thinking about foodfood

•• Secretive eating Secretive eating

•• Eating out of Eating out of boredom boredom

•• You believe food You believe food controls you…it seems controls you…it seems you have no choiceyou have no choiceboredom boredom

•• Eating for distraction Eating for distraction

you have no choiceyou have no choice

•• Food has incredible Food has incredible power over you.power over you.


Victim ThinkingVictim Thinkinggg

•• I’m unlovableI’m unlovable •• What’s wrong with me?What’s wrong with me?

•• I’m largeI’m large

•• No one likes meNo one likes me

•• Whose fault is it?Whose fault is it?

•• I’m too sensitive.I’m too sensitive.•• No one likes meNo one likes me

•• Why is life this way?Why is life this way?

’ll l h’ll l h

I m too sensitive.I m too sensitive.

•• It will never changeIt will never change

I’m stuckI’m stuck•• I’ll never lose weightI’ll never lose weight

•• I’m unworthyI’m unworthy

•• I’m stuckI’m stuck

•• Another diet to fail atAnother diet to fail at

•• Life sucks!Life sucks!

•• I have no choicesI have no choices

•• Ain’t it awful?Ain’t it awful?

•• Why am I such a failure?Why am I such a failure?


Victim BehaviorsVictim Behaviors

•• Lack of energyLack of energy •• Hiding in a cornerHiding in a cornergygy

•• Downcast eyesDowncast eyes

•• LethargicLethargic

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•• Life of the partyLife of the party

•• Lack of confidenceLack of confidence•• LethargicLethargic

•• DepressedDepressed

•• Lack of confidenceLack of confidence

•• Slumped shouldersSlumped shoulders

lflf dd•• AnxiousAnxious

•• GiddyGiddy

•• SelfSelf--deprecatingdeprecating

•• Searching for food Searching for food when not physically when not physically

•• Always laughingAlways laughing

•• Eating out of controlEating out of control

when not physically when not physically hungryhungry

•• HyperHyper--alert alert


•• HyperHyper--alert alert

A Light Flickers in the DarknessA Light Flickers in the Darknessgg


A Miracle Happens! A Miracle Happens! pppp

•• You have a lightYou have a light--bulb moment!bulb moment!

•• “I’m taking charge of my life.”“I’m taking charge of my life.”g g yg g y

•• “I’m going to lose weight.”“I’m going to lose weight.”

•• “I’m going to be healthy ”“I’m going to be healthy ”•• I m going to be healthy.I m going to be healthy.

•• “I’m going to have weight loss “I’m going to have weight loss surgery!”surgery!”surgery!surgery!

•• You make a decision JUST FOR YOU!You make a decision JUST FOR YOU!


New BehaviorsNew Behaviors

•• You stand tall.You stand tall.

•• You begin to focus on YOU!You begin to focus on YOU!

•• You research the field of bariatricsYou research the field of bariatrics

•• You interview surgeons.You interview surgeons.

•• You call your insurance companyYou call your insurance company•• You call your insurance companyYou call your insurance company

•• You do what you need to do to You do what you need to do to have your surgeryhave your surgeryhave your surgeryhave your surgery


New ThoughtsNew Thoughtsgg

•• “I have resolve.”“I have resolve.”

•• “I am determined.”“I am determined.”

•• “I’m taking control of my life!”“I’m taking control of my life!”

•• “No one will get in my way!”“No one will get in my way!”

•• “I’m doing this for me.”“I’m doing this for me.”

•• “I’m scared and I’m doing it “I’m scared and I’m doing it anyway!”anyway!”

“I itt d ”“I itt d ”•• “I am committed.”“I am committed.”

•• “I will make this happen.”“I will make this happen.”


You Have Your SurgeryYou Have Your Surgeryg yg y


What have you survived?What have you survived?yy

•• Your surgeryYour surgery

•• Your historyYour history

•• Trauma of some kindTrauma of some kind

•• A toxic situationA toxic situation

•• Bad healthBad health•• Bad healthBad health

•• Low selfLow self--esteemesteem

B i lfB i lf i b t ii b t i•• Being selfBeing self--conscious about your sizeconscious about your size


SurvivorSurvivor

•• Your appearance is changing.Your appearance is changing.

•• Your health is improving.Your health is improving.

•• You are a STAR!You are a STAR!

•• You bask in the glow.You bask in the glow.

•• People are in awe of you.People are in awe of you.eop e a e a e o youeop e a e a e o you

•• It feels so good!It feels so good!

•• You love the attention!You love the attention!•• You love the attention!You love the attention!

•• You are on fire!!You are on fire!!


•• You are done! This is your life!You are done! This is your life!

Survivor Eating PatternsSurvivor Eating Patternsgg

•• Follow postFollow post--op eating protocol.op eating protocol.

•• Feel release from victim eating.Feel release from victim eating.

•• Eating more consciously…with awareness.Eating more consciously…with awareness.

•• Experience a high…eating more nutritiously Experience a high…eating more nutritiously

•• A whole new world has opened up to you in your A whole new world has opened up to you in your o e e o d as ope ed up to you youo e e o d as ope ed up to you yourelationship with food…relationship with food…

•• Food is for nourishment not for comfortFood is for nourishment not for comfort

•• You’re developing strategies for trigger situations You’re developing strategies for trigger situations

•• Eating is still a focus of lifeEating is still a focus of life


•• Eating is still a focus of lifeEating is still a focus of life

You Begin to WantYou Begin to Wantgg

•• You’re beginning to see a future.You’re beginning to see a future.

•• You want to catch up…you’ve lost a lot of timeYou want to catch up…you’ve lost a lot of time

•• YOU want:YOU want:

•• To look great and have more funTo look great and have more fun

•• Have a social life and great relationshipsHave a social life and great relationships

•• Be respected Be respected

•• Be confident Be confident

•• Get comfortable in your new size and persona.Get comfortable in your new size and persona.

•• Your relationship with food to be differentYour relationship with food to be different


As a Survivor…As a Survivor…

•• You believe you’re done…That your You believe you’re done…That your life is completelife is completelife is complete.life is complete.

•• WRONG! YOU’RE JUST BEGINNING!!WRONG! YOU’RE JUST BEGINNING!!

•• You’ve got a whole new life that you You’ve got a whole new life that you can create from the insidecan create from the inside--outout

Y d ’t h t ttl !Y d ’t h t ttl !•• You don’t have to settle anymore!You don’t have to settle anymore!

•• You’re ready to reinvent yourself by You’re ready to reinvent yourself by becoming a THRIVER!becoming a THRIVER!becoming a THRIVER!becoming a THRIVER!


Thriver Eating PatternsThriver Eating Patternsgg

•• Healthy eating is natural way of life.Healthy eating is natural way of life.

•• Strategies for dealing with emotional upheavals Strategies for dealing with emotional upheavals g g pg g pare in place and automatic so you don’t return to are in place and automatic so you don’t return to victim eatingvictim eating

•• When faced with temptation you consciously When faced with temptation you consciously decide between victim or thriver eatingdecide between victim or thriver eating

E ti i l th f f lifE ti i l th f f lif•• Eating is no longer the focus of lifeEating is no longer the focus of life


Thriver Eating PatternsThriver Eating Patternsgg

•• Cravings have greatly diminished because you’re Cravings have greatly diminished because you’re eating for health, not comforteating for health, not comfort

•• You put food in its proper perspective…It’s just You put food in its proper perspective…It’s just food…Only one part of your life.food…Only one part of your life.

•• You have incredible power over food…You are You have incredible power over food…You are managing your food from a place choice…You are managing your food from a place choice…You are in chargein chargein chargein charge


Thriver ThinkingThriver Thinkinggg

•• “I am responsible for my life.”“I am responsible for my life.”

•• “My choices are made consciously.”“My choices are made consciously.”

•• “I’m grateful…appreciative…thankful.”“I’m grateful…appreciative…thankful.”g ppg pp

•• “I learn from every experience.”“I learn from every experience.”

•• “I’m listening to others ”“I’m listening to others ”•• I m listening to others.I m listening to others.

•• “Everything I have is a gift.”“Everything I have is a gift.”

“I’ t ki f lif ”“I’ t ki f lif ”•• “I’m taking care of my life.”“I’m taking care of my life.”

•• “Life is an adventure.”“Life is an adventure.”


Thriver ThinkingThriver Thinkinggg

•• “The world doesn’t owe me anything.”“The world doesn’t owe me anything.”

•• “I am designing and creating the life I want.”“I am designing and creating the life I want.”g g gg g g

•• “I am responsible for my choices.”“I am responsible for my choices.”

•• “I achieve things for myself ”“I achieve things for myself ”•• I achieve things for myself.I achieve things for myself.

•• “How does what I say impact others?”“How does what I say impact others?”

“H I b i t th b illi i th ?”“H I b i t th b illi i th ?”•• “How can I bring out the brilliance in others?”“How can I bring out the brilliance in others?”


To Thrive Is To:To Thrive Is To:

•• Be fully aliveBe fully alive

•• Have personal power…To claim my power.”Have personal power…To claim my power.”

•• Unfold and blossomUnfold and blossom

•• Be independent and interdependentBe independent and interdependent

•• Be stronger than external circumstancesBe stronger than external circumstancese st o ge t a e te a c cu sta cese st o ge t a e te a c cu sta ces

•• Deal with things when they happen without Deal with things when they happen without emotional eatingemotional eating

•• Be free from compulsivityBe free from compulsivity

•• Trust yourselfTrust yourself


•• Trust yourselfTrust yourself

To Thrive Is To:To Thrive Is To:

•• Grow from the insideGrow from the inside--outout

•• Prosper and become successfulProsper and become successful

•• Be comfortable and confident in your own skinBe comfortable and confident in your own skin

•• Know your values and live by themKnow your values and live by them

•• Know your needs and get them metKnow your needs and get them meto you eeds a d get t e eto you eeds a d get t e et

•• Allow food to be only one aspect of your life Allow food to be only one aspect of your life

•• Reinvent yourselfReinvent yourself•• Reinvent yourselfReinvent yourself

•• Redesign your life to represent your authentic Redesign your life to represent your authentic selfself


selfself

Weight RegainWeight Regaing gg g

•• Occurs when you move back into Victim and Occurs when you move back into Victim and you don’t stay in Thriveryou don’t stay in Thriver

•• Getting back on track means you’ve “fallen off Getting back on track means you’ve “fallen off the wagon” and you’re choosing to be a Thriverthe wagon” and you’re choosing to be a Thriver

•• Going back to Survivor doesn’t work…you Going back to Survivor doesn’t work…you usually end up in Victimusually end up in Victim

•• The ultimate success of weightThe ultimate success of weight--loss surgery is loss surgery is to progress and consistently live as a Thriver.to progress and consistently live as a Thriver.


To Combat Weight Regaing g

•• Don’t eat like a victim…Don’t eat like a victim…

•• When you eat unconsciously or emotionally you When you eat unconsciously or emotionally you When you eat unconsciously or emotionally you When you eat unconsciously or emotionally you are not in the present…you have put yourself are not in the present…you have put yourself back into “Victim”back into “Victim”

•• You have become numb…you aren’t thinking You have become numb…you aren’t thinking clearlyclearly

•• When triggered, ask yourself, “Am I choosing to When triggered, ask yourself, “Am I choosing to thrive?” or “Am I choosing to be a victim?” thrive?” or “Am I choosing to be a victim?”


So…So…

•• Please choose to be a THRIVER.Please choose to be a THRIVER.

•• Do whatever it takes to thriveDo whatever it takes to thrive

•• Have an accountability partnerHave an accountability partner

•• Create a list of things you will do before you Create a list of things you will do before you eat unconsciously and do themeat unconsciously and do them

If d d ti Vi tiIf d d ti Vi ti•• If you do end up eating as a Victim:If you do end up eating as a Victim:

•• Forgive yourselfForgive yourself

A k lf h t h l d f A k lf h t h l d f •• Ask yourself what you have learned from Ask yourself what you have learned from the experience the experience

•• Get back to being a ThriverGet back to being a Thriver


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Life RedesignLife Redesigngg

•• Address the things in your life that aren’t Address the things in your life that aren’t Address the things in your life that aren t Address the things in your life that aren t the way you would likethe way you would like

•• Where are you not satisfied?Where are you not satisfied?•• Where are you not satisfied?Where are you not satisfied?

•• Make choices that enhance your growth Make choices that enhance your growth d d l td d l tand developmentand development

•• That leads you to…Designing and That leads you to…Designing and Creating the Life YOU were Meant to Creating the Life YOU were Meant to Have.Have.


Entitlement AttitudeEntitlement Attitude

•• SelfSelf--centered outlookcentered outlook

•• OffOff--putting toputting to others

•• ObnoxiousObnoxious

•• Lack of responsibilityLack of responsibility

•• Having all the answersHaving all the answersa g a t e a s e sa g a t e a s e s

•• Not listeningNot listening

•• Putting your “rights” ahead of others’Putting your “rights” ahead of others’•• Putting your rights ahead of othersPutting your rights ahead of others

•• Impulsively grabs at everything wantedImpulsively grabs at everything wanted


Entitlement ThoughtsEntitlement Thoughtsgg

•• I’ve Survived!I’ve Survived!

•• I’m high on lifeI’m high on life

•• I can do what I wantI can do what I want

•• I’m making up for lost timeI’m making up for lost time

•• Eat your heart out everyoneEat your heart out everyone•• Eat your heart out everyoneEat your heart out everyone

•• I’ve suffered enough, the world owes meI’ve suffered enough, the world owes me

J t k I’ll t ll h t kJ t k I’ll t ll h t k•• Just ask me, I’ll tell you what worksJust ask me, I’ll tell you what works

•• ME, ME, ME!ME, ME, ME!


Themes of a Victim

•• I’m not enough in any I’m not enough in any way.way.

•• Life can’t changeLife can’t change•• Life can t change.Life can t change.

•• I’m helpless.I’m helpless.

•• There’s no hope for me.There’s no hope for me.


Themes for Survivors

•• I’ve made it!I’ve made it!•• I ve made it!I ve made it!

•• Look at me!Look at me!

•• I’ve got it all.I’ve got it all.

•• I’m done!I’m done!

•• I’m a weightI’m a weight--loss loss •• I m a weightI m a weight loss loss surgery patient.surgery patient.


Themes for Thriver

•• I’m choosing life.I’m choosing life.gg

•• I’m creating what I want.I’m creating what I want.

•• I’m grateful.I’m grateful.

I’m responsibleI’m responsible•• I m responsible.I m responsible.

•• I’m OK just as I am.I’m OK just as I am.jj

•• I have a quiet knowing that I’m I have a quiet knowing that I’m capable to deal with lifecapable to deal with life


capable to deal with lifecapable to deal with life

Contact InformationContact Information

Lynn MeinkeLynn Meinke

Professional Certified CoachProfessional Certified Coach

Ph 610Ph 610 876876 64876487Phone: 610Phone: 610--876876--64876487

Email: Email: [email protected]@comcast.net


Documents

Victim Survivor Thriver - ObesityHelp...Survivor Eating Patterns • Follow postFollow post--op eating protocol.op eating protocol. • Feel release from victim eating. • Eating