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Vol2.Issue3. March2010

Price: Free

theWorkZine

The need for a better way to do business

Glenn Lauren Love

Ronald Rwakigumba

Auma Maria

Priscilla Mbabazi

Bernard Ewalu Olupot

@rhinorck

Sleek

Bee

Kagayi PeterSara AKelly

Brian B Coutinho

Raayili

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Businge Abid Weere

Managing Editor

Raymond Kukundakwe

Content and Design Editor

Jacque Kasoma

Legal Aairs Editor

Darlyne KomukamaFashion Editor

Bernard OlupotProse and Poetry Editor

Lourd Mathhias MuwongeSports Editor

Gereminah OberuDesigner

@rhinorck

Ronald Rwakigumba

Raayili

@rhinorck

Glenn Lauren Love

Bee

Brian B Coutinho

Sara AKelly

Sleek

Priscilla MbabaziKagayi Peter

Bernard Ewalu Olupot

Auma Maria

Techies vs Accountants

And What o Now?

The Cuddlers

Getting back rom the sack

Idlers Corner

Tips and Tricks or the Ignorant

SuperPower Nation

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theWorkZine

The Team Writers In This Issue

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Its an open secret that work is a popularity contest.To win it you have to work hard, be innovative, be con-

sistent or just kiss ass. The rewards are a promotion,more pay, more benets, transer to a more lucrativeoce, more power, less workload, bonus at the end othe year, longer leave days, business lunches, out otown workshops with eye-popping amounts o per-diem, consultative meetings abroad and all craplike that . But there are two groups o people whoseem to be competing or the title o least popular atthe workplace.

The WorkZine editor notes that each issue has had acomplaint about IT people. Doreen shud-

ders when you mention IT: those think they are ontop o the world. Just because they can switch ona computer doesnt make you royalty. For Brenda its personal: IT guys SUCK.They do notrespect our privacy, they hack into our email and readour raunchy emails to our signicant others. For Er-nest, IT guys are beyond redemption as he shows inthis joke: What do you call 5000 #IT guys at the bot-tom o the ocean? A good start.

Micheal decries nance: the nancedepartment guys behave like they own the company.That is MY money! Akinola doesnt really

care: as long as my machine is working and my sal-ary is paid promptly, they can dance with anybodynaked. Don is an IT technician: thatreputation is unounded. People simply expect us tobe everywhere at the same time. They want us to re-spond to every little thing that they could gure outthemselves.

Oscar < Boston > deends his ellow accountantsmost times we are acting on directions rom on-high.Its not our wish to oend people. They orget that weare all aected by those same decisions. I you have

no salary, then neither do I!Julius says Whoever iscomplaining should have a look at the company ITpolicy rst Johnie loathes accountants: Whats withthe asking or quotations and receipts or purchasesas low as 1$?

Abrihet points out that it comes withthe territory: dont expect someone to be nice all the

time when everyone is bugging her or money, someo it based on very fimsy excuses. You dont get a mo-ments peace. The nance oce should be restrictedlike the IT room. Iracema backs that up:i IT can have a restricted room that even the bossdoesnt enter, why cant we? We do get irascible whenyou are counting huge sums o money and not even araction o it is yours. The most you get is good work.Erwin sniggers at the suggestion: its thenance role to count money and pay it out. Why thehell would they want a restricted room? This is amodern age o cheques and e-banking. I they dont

how, we the IT people can show them how its done.

Keba says the easiest way to deal with theimperious IT people is to beriend them: Why notmake riends with the IT guy instead? Im telling u,people who have done that here know it pays!!! :)Peace! And indeed, i you cant beat them, then jointhem. The IT and nance departmenzzts are the keysupport departments in an organization, you cantdo without them. So try to live with them, even i itmeans swallowing your pride!!

Techiesvs Accountants

Editors Word

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A lot can be said about the need or man-agers to walk beside their subordinates and notimpose such an aura o inuence and domi-nance on them until, it fnally drains even thelittle lie let. And thats hal the problem a lotcan be said, but not a lot done. Why this appar-ent reluctance to act, when teamwork is oneo those issues that are rarely (i ever) arguedagainst?

Never been the kind to take up the podium, butas this is not exactly a podium, I might just giveit a try. In any case why do those podiums haveto be so high? To indulge a little, I recall as ayoung lad in patched grey shorts o Buhinga, itwas enough a problem to stand up and still beseen - vertically challenged. But that was then.You little boys (grown up now) watch out, I amcoming or you so that you can ask me properlyto stand up again, and you teachers owe me anexplanation as to why I could not seat with thecool boys (aka New Kids on the Block) at theback whom all the girls adored. And you girls,

hear it rom me, I am not short, and that is pe-riod. lol. Looks like I have enough scores to settlein my past. But that is what it is the past.

Today, I would like to issue a yellow card to ourHR riends especially the kind that keep us-ing the word under. For how long will we haveto remind you that we are not under anybody?Fine, we report to X,Y,Z but we are not under anyone. We respect our superiors, even borderinglove (really), but you take that word under andreturn it to your rack o letters because in this

game o scrabble we do not use that word. It isnot just the word, i it was, I would have just letmy pen here and gone to collect sea shells.

Its the whole mentality o superiority and dom-inance that leaves a sour taste. We have our ca-

reer goals all drawn out, we know the paths we aretaking, we love people, customers even more, we enjoyworking with colleagues, we consult, and we are an-swerable and accountable to our superiors. My ques-tion then is, who drated those little tree-like chartswhere the MD is right at the top, and then there aremanagers, then the abcs? This whole idea o domi-nance does not help the customer, employee, or proc-esses. That little chart over there is a sweet reminder

o powers-that-be that they have actually made it, asthey are nicely seated on some good location in thistree that companies are so obsessed with. Then theabcs have to be reminded with each subsequent ap-praisal on how to aim up there. Find a location on thetree and aim at it.

Its some kind o Hypnosis. So where are the peopleup there supposed to go apparently the system willabsorb them So the hypnotic pendulum is swingingas we gaze without a blink at the happenings and nonhappenings, hoping to jump to the nearest branch,

drink up to the promotion, and start gazing all overagain. Assuming you reach the tree top, then chaoslooms, not only are you busy cutting o the nearestbranches and shaking the tree so no one Is poised tojump, you are also watching the birds outside to makesure they do not nest in your tree, the owners o thetree are an ever increasing threat. They might sell othe tree and with it your ate or they might decide

youve been up there long enough and its time you

ound another tree on which to nest loses.

Its madness out there, albeit uncalled or. But it is themental picture elaborately crated world over. Its nouse fghting the system, we are all too engrossed, andthere is no turning back. Yes, there is such a thing asa point o no return.

Its just that rom time to time our HR riends needto know that we actually know the hypnosis theyare playing on us. We do not like it but we shall playthis tree game, or as long us the ruits can enableus count sea shells on the coast with whomsoeverchance and time bestow.

Thumbs up to the ew managers that are really groom-ing individuals, and are empowering them to prosperin their trade. These Ladys and Gentlemen restore

Walk Beside Me

The Workplace

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Ever been red! Well, I havent had the misortunebut i I did, I would probably sue my boss. Anyhow,ater several (read three) years o having a nicetime at your workplace, the recession nally hitsyour company and the most inecient employeesare terminated. Only problem is, you are the onlyone that is red! Maybe you should not have beena smartass towards your boss secretary. Anyhow,here you are jobless, rent due, salary loan in ar-rears and the next best job available is paying youhal what you earned. You are in need o a seri-ous job connector, but to whom do you turn cause

the only money you have will last you at best twoweeks.

There are several web based organizations thathave made it a point to post the latest jobs and vacancies available to those looking or employ-ment. Unortunately, they do not promise a switresponse and i you are lucky you will get a callrom them in 6 months, long ater you have beenjailed or ailing to settle your loans and dues.

You may also look into the newspaper dailies whichusually also boast o having several thousand jobs.Upon looking at two dailies, you discover hal the jobs being advertised are government jobs with

the least pay and whose minimum qualicationrequirement is a 6 month certicate in anythingrelevant. Wonder what that is. Anyway, given thegovernments reputation, you would be lucky to getthe job without bribing or it, and even luckier iyou are paid your Aprils wages beore Christmas.

As such you dump all those options and turn to do-ing small odd jobs while looking or the permanent

thing. Since you have a little experience in what-ever odd stu you were lucky to get employed to door three years, you have a little experience to aida ew nave people with more money than brainsto seek better consultants to help them with theirbusinesses. Together with a ew people you studiedwith, you set up a quack Consulting Firm, that ismainly beeed up your riends resumes more thanyour own as they are certied proessionals unlikeyoursel. And with that you do all the donkey worksince it is you without the 8-5 job and as such withthe time to run around looking or new clients and

coming up with the crazy ideas to aid your currentclientele.

With the little revenue you get rom your consult-ing you are able to nish your proessional quali-cation studies and beore you know it [probably 18or so months] you are a certied proessional whoowns his own rm and earning his own paper, andlots o it. And all you had to do was to talk ill tothat loud mouthed secretary or you to get out othe Rat-Race and join the Money Autobahn!

Raayili

some sanity to employment and as hard to come buy as they are, props that there is even one.

So now is very much not the time or HRs to sit back with sta personnel on this tree and think things are OK. Not atall, there is need to breed a healthy respect or individuals to thrive and as they thrive so does the Company grow. Notto chop o their wings, cram them under a boss in a thick canopy, and watch rom aar. Even the bosses need to be held

accountable, they need to be pruned as well, not or them to sit back and watch how well they are aring on the tree,when the base, which is supporting the customer, is gasping or air.

I believe Companies ought to take a good, hard look at how they manage People (not Human resources). We actuallyneed to graduate rom Human resource management mentality to People Management, and you do not need to look arto see the dierence. One system is really human, while the other is stuck on the dear old shelves, in HR manuals thatstill carry tree drawings, practice psychology, and still reer to some as under others.

There you have it. Society has a strong inertia to the past. A ew companies are slowly but steadily tearing down age oldorganizational structures and rearranging the organization around the customer. And there are many others ventur-ing into the obscure to yield value or the customer, and not just eed into the egos o the elitists who adore the tags.Their Business cards do not carry titles, and neither do the email signatures, but I bet you, they have plenty o duties toexecute without their egos being deated.

And one thing or sure: responses like thats the way weve always worked will not count as much o a deense.

Ronald Rwakigumba

Fired!getting back rom

the sack

Walk Beside Me

The Workplace

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What are the most important costs inherent in our business model?Which Key Resources are most expensive?Which Key Activities are most expensive?

Value ProposKey ActivitiesKey Partners

Key Resources

Cost Structure

What value do we deliver to the custoWhich one of our customers problemsWhat bundles of products and servicesWhich customer needs are we satisfyin

What Key Activities do our Value Propositions require?Our Distribution Channels?Customer Relationships?Revenue streams?

Who are our Key Partners?Who are our key suppliers?Which Key Resources are we acquiring from partners?Which Key Activities do partners per form?

What Key Resources do our Value Propositions require?Our Distribution Channels? Customer Relationships?Revenue Streams?

characteristics

NewnessPerormanceCustomizationGetting the Job Done

DesignBrand/StatusPriceCost Reduction

Risk ReductionAccessibilityConvenience/Usability

categories

ProductionProblem SolvingPlatorm/Network

types o resources

PhysicalIntellectual (brand patents, copyrights, data)HumanFinancial

motivations or partnerships:

Optimization and economyReduction o risk and uncertainty Acquisition o particular resources and activities

is your business more:

Cost Driven (leanest cost structure, low price value proposition, maximum automation, extensive outsourcing)Value Driven (ocused on value creation, premium value proposition)

sample characteristics:

Fixed Costs (salaries, rents, utilities)Variable costs

Economies o scaleEconomies o scope

www.businessmodelgeneration.com

The Business Model Canvas Designed for:

The Open Business

Abid and I have beenhaving conversations about the WZ.We organised a shareholders meetingand unortunately, only Abid showedup. The idea or this here zine is toevolve into a protable business and Ihear such is its appeal that WZ sharesare in high demand. (oba on whichstock market?)

I have attempted to start/run a busi-ness beore. Some years ago I let uni-versity with a dream o having a suc-cessul business by the time I turnedthirty; there is still time, hopeully.Along the way, I have made severalmistakes and learnt many useul anduseless things. Several times I consid-ered joining the corporate world andenjoying the perks; a monthly salaryand some menial task to make workutterly meaningless. I have so ar re-sisted the temptation and I dont seemysel deecting any time soon.

Having made a ew mistakes in thepast, I have come to believe that any

business that I engage in shouldserve rst and oremost, my purposes,should not put me in a situation whereI have to compromise any values that Ibelieve to be essential to my denitiono sel and that just as it takes care ome, I should be willing to dedicate mytime to it and even nd pleasure in do-ing so. Essentially, I am always looking

or new ways to work.The WZ is not my idea, I ound Abiddilligently at it, delivering it everythree weeks as promised and then Iupset the rythm, tinkered with the de-sign and basically played around withthe idea. I am done playing, I have

seen the potential and I like what I see.However I am currently struck by theidea o long term planning and vision.

I want to know what the big plan is, whether itts me and my purposes. Which brings us tothe business plan, the most essential bit whenyoure starting a business.

Many people are prone to the mistake o think-ing that some generic plan out there will t your

business idea and i youre going into some-thing as basic as hunting, then youre probablyright. Most business ideas however need a planthat comes rom those that dreamt it up in therst place. O course, there are many lessons to

Business

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Revenue Streams

Through which Channels do our Customer Segmentswant to be reached?How are we reaching them now?How are our Channels integrated?Which ones work best?Which ones are most cost-efficient?How are we integrating them with customer routines?

For what value are our customers really wi lling to pay?For what do they currently pay?How are they currently paying?How would they prefer to pay?How much does e ach Revenue Stream contribute to overall revenues?

Channels

Customer Relationships Customer Segments

channel phases:

1. AwarenessHowdo weraise awarenessabout ourcompanys productsand services?

2. EvaluationHowdo wehelp customersevaluate ourorganizationsValue Proposition?

3. PurchaseHowdo weallow customersto purchasespecifc productsand services?

4. DeliveryHowdo wedeliver a ValueProposition tocustomers?

5. Ater salesHowdo weprovide post-purchasecustomer support?

Mass Market Niche MarketSegmented

DiversifedMulti-sided Platorm

examples

Personal assistance Dedicated Personal AssistanceSel-Service

Automated ServicesCommunitiesCo-creation

For whom are we creating value?Who are our most important customers?

What type of relationship does each of our CustomerSegments expect us to establish and maintain wi th them?Which ones have we established?How are they integrated with the rest of our business model?How costly are they?

ons

helping to solve?offering to each Customer Segment?

On:

Iteration:

Designed by:

Day Month Year

No.

ypes:

sset saleUsage ee

ubscription Feesending/Renting/Leasing

icensingrokerage eesdvertising

fxed pricing

List PriceProduct eature dependentCustomer segment dependentVolume dependent

dynamic pricing

Negotiation( bargaining)Yield Management

Real-time-Market

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

or send a letter to Creative Commons, 171 Second Street, Suite 300, San Francisco, California, 94105, USA.

The Open Business

harness the business benets away at

the cost o other stakeholders and `themarket. Open Business structures seekto rectiy this. They activate personal pro-ductivity like no other organization canby simply redirecting the returns to thosethat produced them, and by their nature,the individuals themselves play a centralrole.

I like this idea and I want to buildsomething (hopeully the WZ) likethat. I have seen it in play and any-

one who is amiliar with open sourcesotware will know what Im talkingabout. The WorldWideWeb is one othe most open technologies inventedby man and whoever prots rom itshould thank Sir Tim Berners Lee orhis selfessness.

I youre inclined to listening to thechatter o the chatter o the wide world,youll no doubt know that there are bigquestions out there about the way wework. The theory o The Firm is be-ing rened and new/dierent businessmodels are in high demand.

be learned rom those that have triedsimilar things and it is only prudentto do so. When it comes down to itthough, i its your idea, youve got touel it.I have been reading up on businessmodels and the idea o an open busi-ness makes sense to me.

Open business is in general the concept

o doing business in a transparent wayby intimately integrating an ecosystemo stake holders and abiding by a modelo transparency. Oten, small minorities

There is little doubt that uture generations will workdierently, more eciently and in a much smarter way.It is up to us to come up with the ideas.

@rhinorck

Further Reading:Open Business

Business Model Alchemist

100Open

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Mark Andrew Karamira Karyegesa is just 23 years oage. He is co-owner and co-ounder o two companies.Dial-A-Service Uganda and Maika. He is the chie execu-tive at DialAService and general manager at Maika .

Dial A- Service (DAS) is the countrys only on call di-rectoey where one can call to fnd out the exact location

and availability o a company or service. Dial- A Service is also the countrys only or-hire call center.Maika is a student exchange service that helps prospective students get admission into Malaysia Univer-

sities comortably. Karamira has always been sel-driven. When he was about to start his olevel education,Karamira told a cousin that he will one day be the owner o a big corporation. And he is living up to thatdream. Straight rom his university studies, he wasted no time starting his two companies.

How does it eel to be your own boss? He laughs. People say I am lucky but its not luck. I work hard andlong hours. Its more o a responsibility than anything else. To your employees, to your customers, to thosewho support you and above all to yoursel. It does eel good to be your own boss but the advantages o thosewill come later. I want to leave my own legacy. O course I want to also live in the comort I dream o . I wantto make a dierence in whatever way I can.

Running two start-up businesses is not as rosy it may seem. There have been days when he has elt likegiving up. There was a point when I elt like shutting down DAS. Things were not moving but thankully Ihang in there and right now we are doing the help-line or Uganda Lotto. Numerous challenges have linedthe path, most surprising o which has been his age. People lose interest in what I am saying sometimeswhen they get to know my age. Thats stupid!! Let them listen to me and judge what I am saying or its merit

not my age. He has to overcome dierent obstacles like cash ows, unriendly work hours, quality employ-ees. Yet through it all, there is rock solid support.

He thanks his parents or the unwavering support and his peers or setting both bad and good examples.There are some people I look at and I pray that I dont become like them. Others I see and I strive to du-plicate. What maxim do you live by? Karamira answers with this interesting experience: My grandathertaught me that lie is one big school and every experience whether good or bad is a new lesson.

Abid Were

Its 1.25pm on a warm Saturday aternoon. Ourchat is scheduled or 2.00pm. When he fnds out Iam at the venue, he gets there by 1.35pm.

Daring to Dare

Business

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ugrugbyfanzonewww.ugrugbyfanzone.com

Latest Rugby News Supporters Travel Plans

Fixtures and Results Beach Rugby

Expert Match Analysis All Things Rugby

Merchandise

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It was dark when I pulled up in ronto the house around quarter-till-ten tonight aterwork. I glanced towards the houseMoms light onin her room downstairs (she must be reading be-ore bed), the main level halls lights turned dim orme, and a icker rom the TV in Pops room upstairs(which he keeps on constantly now)and I justbroke down crying.

My lie is not bad or disagreeable. I am still a very

lucky woman. But the truth is that where I am rightnow is SO FAR rom anywhere I had ever plannedor hoped to be. And I couldnt stop crying. I turnedo the car and switched the music up a bit so Iwouldnt have to hear my sobs.

Now I wonder, is it wiser to embrace exactly whereyou areexactly where lie, chance, your mistakeshave placed youor should you hold on tight to thatvision o who and where you want to be and hopethat pulls you through less worse or the wear?Right now Im holding on or dear lie, araid that iI let go, these visions may oat past me and neveragain be retrievable. But this is a silly thing to do.Regardless o the gravity o a situation, you cannotpass through time and come out unchanged. Liehas no regards or your plans and sets you alongits own determined path; the tighter you hang onto where you were, the more mangled you becomeand any beauty in the breakdown is lost.

Im bitter too. I hate it, because the person I want tobe doesnt get bitter. But I do. I dont want to stoopto accept this lousy hand Ive been given! I eel likeIm being orce-ed a great big slide o humble pie.

Ive been walking around with visions o a worldlylie inevitable in my uture. But instead I am pen-ny-less, living with my parents, and working at an-other ood and beverage job. With no plans in placeto change this any time soon, I eel as i the indica-

tor or my success in lie has digressed to how well Ican clean the tops o ketchup bottles. Please tell methat somedaysoonthe ruits o my days will amountto more than this! I know it is only temporary, buthow long is temporary anyway?

There is a voice in my head that tries to compel meto be a more saintly version o mysel. I have gonethrough phases in my lie where Ive been more re-

ceptive to what its saying, but other times I wantnone o it. Like now; I wonder why it cant leave mealone and let me be miserable i I want to be. Some-times the way things are really does suck! But thevoice is too reasoned or such rivolity. Who are you toact like you are so above waiting tables? It isnt whatyou had planned, but you are where you are, and youare grateul or what you have. Thereore there is noreason to eel sel pity. Wipe away those phony tearsand be who you have the potential to be, or get out ohere and come back when you decide youre seriousabout living.

Does everyone have such a ruthless little voice? It canbe so brutally honest and so doggedly persistent thatit leaves me eeling like a worm. Small, pathetic andexposed.

I know the sel pity is uncalled or. Out o everyone inour household right now, my troubles are airly be-nign. I am the least crippled. I eel guilty taking upanyones emotional reserves with my pettiness. Myguilt is redoubled by the act that I am ailing miser-ably at what I came here to do. I was supposed to bea bright spota happy, gracious and helpul presence

or my amily. That was my plan. But Im ailing at it.I cant keep my own shit together enough to eel likeIm doing anyone here any good.

The little voice points out my passive negligence. InNOT choosing to collect your shit, you are eec-tively, INTENTIONALLY, ailing. This is a choice. It isalways a choice. I am not as strong as I hoped I was.And that really does make me sad.

So, I sat in the car, intending to sob into the yellow,Wendys napkins letover rom the car trip home until

I either tired o eeling sorry or mysel or I ran outo napkins. I cried and continued crying, until I wascrying or me, but also or my dad, whose ailmentsrather ruthlessly strip him o his sel-image on an al-most daily basis. For my brother, who seems about aslost as I am right now. For my mom, who carries theweight o all o our individual worlds on her shouldersand tries not to buckle under it all. I eel like some-times the sorrow just has to be acknowledged.

When will you grow up??

Glenn Love

And what ofNow?

Blogs

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1. The IT guy

So we have this dude who runs our one man ITdepartment at work. Most o the time he is a ma-jor pain in the ass, but we put up with his shit be-causeumm I actually do not know why we put upwith his shit. So a ew weeks ago, my bosses decidethey want our ofce domain name to be changed tosomething unkier [read:more client riendly]. Thething is they neglected to tell the IT guy, but I wasin the know since I am supposed to be organizingthe whole thing, and I never bothered to tell himeither. My bad.

So today, he receives an email asking him to veriyuser IDs I think (I wish it had been sent to me), andalso notiying him o the domain name change. Hehus and pus and then goes on to tell our boss-es how a domain name change is a very very verycomplicated procedure that will entail intereringwith our servers blah blah blah. All this soundedweird to me. I remember being told that the wholeprocess isnt so complicated, so I sought clarifca-tion rom the service provider, who explained thenot so complicated procedure to me. In the mean-time IT guy had gone to all the bosses complaining

about the domain change, its complicated-nessand the lawyer who-doesnt-know-what-she-is-doing interering in his business! Whoever he wentto politely inormed him that a decision had beenmade and apologized or not keeping him in theknow.Poor guy. But seriously servers and shit? Surely hecould have come up with something better thanthat. I shook my head in wonder, in wonderment?Yeah, that one.

2. The Insolent Thie

Oh my goodness, the thie!!!!!!!One o the clients has been having an issue withthis jamaa who had a serious operation stealingvery expensive company property and then sell-ing it on the low-low. When the client ound aboutthe whole operation, the dudewas suspended, andtold to appear or a disciplinary hearing to answerthe charges against him. Jamaa decides to bring alawyer to the hearing, you know how we employeesare empowered these days! The lawyer obviouslydisrupted the proceedings, which ended up in lotso insults being hurled either way and the jamaa

in prison. I wish I had been at the hearingI amso sure nothing would have escalated to the levelit did.

Ater two days in prison, I think the dude got scared

and decided that he fnally wanted to talk to us andbargain or his release. We agreed to talk to him,

thinking we would get a way o getting him to com-pensate the company or the losses he caused. SoI headed to Jinja Road Police Station (yesterday) totalk to this ninja. I tell you it was like talking to astone! Eventually I was so incensed at the thiesattitude, who or some reason decided he was in abargaining position despite the overwhelming evi-dence against him! I asked the OC to take the dudeto court so we he could be charged with thet to endthe whole charade. The thie obviously gets right-ened out o his wits and agreed to compensate thecompany, and was released on police bond. We de-

cided to give him a day to sort out himsel, and tellus how he plans on compensating the company,and agreed to meet at 3.30 today to sign some sorto agreement to that eect.

To my dismay, the thie was hell bent on playinggames with us! He reused to hand over his carwhich would clear his debt to the company, sinceit is worth more than the value o the claim againsthim. He started talking about some sister in the USwho would send him the money to clear his debt. Iwas annoyed. I could not believe that this guy hadbeen given an opportunity to pay back the companyin return or all charges being dropped against him,and that he was not taking it. When I realized thethie was playing games, I let. Man, I was angry!A thie holding a whole company at ransom? Seri-ously?? I think he orgot that his bond expires to-morrow, and that when he shows up at Jinja RoadPolice Station, he is going back to prison, and histime not to a holding cell at Jinja Road, but to Luziraon remand.

I have scratched my head and ailed to under-stand how someone cannot give up his car, a car

or goodness sake, a worldly possession that can bereplaced anytime, to secure his reedom and hon-ourable send o [read: allowed to resign with noembarassing ads in the papers] rom a really repu-table organization. Does he know that he will nownot get his terminal benefts or any sort o benefts?Ahhhhhh I tell you. I shook my head.I am still shaking my head.Ahaaa. Man.

Bee < www.beestylez.wordpress.com>

The case of the insolent thiefand the interesting IT guyThe case of the insolent thiefand the interesting IT guy

Blogs

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The Tech foor is a renzy o disheveled orms pacing about with heads burieddeep in thought. They think not o world peace or grand scientifc mysteries but o thesame thing that every trouser on every oor o Head Quarters is thinking about. Andthats why despite this commotion, theres an almost eerie silence about because it is oneo those moments when suddenly every mind thinks the same thing. This moment wasalways bound to happen because the male mind will think about it several hundred timesa day even without knowing. Thereore this moment was always inevitable, an accidentwaiting to happen and in a world without women there would be no contingency. But thebreasted species that are woman olk, those sot and cuddly humans that quietly slave inbackground o male hegemony suddenly spring to the oreground because they are the

only ones awake, the only ones still unctional because they do not share our weakness.They werent constructed with this vulnerability, this design error that sits patiently inthe fner detail o the male circuit waiting or a moment like this.

A moment when external orces are spoofng the corporate LAN, a moment when our cli-ent data is one click away rom corruption, a moment when number one is about to makea atal error o judgment and enter a shoddy merger, a moment when I am about to hookup my system to a wrong adapter plug, a moment when the marketing guy is about toshit the decimal point by one position to the let and beore you know it the undamen-tal weakness o our little perect world is exposed. Which is its single point o ailure, theact that its stability is dependent on the aultless unctioning o its male architects eventhrough the inevitable mental blackout. Its the moment we start a world war, the mo-ment we kill Jesus, the moment we invade Troy, the moment we celebrate Amins ascent

to power, the moment we buy into Socialism, the moment we bomb Hiroshima and Na-gasaki and beore we know it fve million Jews are dead and a million Tutsi have perished.Our political activism, our renaissance and newly ound aith is simply a symptom o theanomaly o our construction. It is simply the moment when a random error occurs simul-taneously within us due to the common internal design aw that is our hunger or more.

And because men rule the world the contingency that is women olk can sometimes beoverridden because in their perect unctioning they sometimes simultaneously desertman olk and when that occurs history is made or better or or worse. Its because orseveral cycles a minute the male creature is preoccupied with taking and we are in a con-stant antasy o acquiring more and as long as we arent held back by the possibility o ro-mance we are raging bulls on the brink o anarchy. So, thank God or Sir Tim Berners Lee,

or Bill gates, or Steve Jobs or Larry Ellison and all the eccentric nerds at Silicon valleyand Bangalore who make the internet possible because at exactly fve minutes to middayHead Quarters momentarily stopped as the undamental anomaly paralyzed the malebrain wave and every man thought o more and the contingency was overridden becausethe women were congregating in bathrooms too ar away to mitigate the malunction.However, thanks to internet streaming when we thought o more we thought o a bikiniclad Beyonce Knowles and not revolution, we thought o Halle Berry in monsters ball andnot a hydrogen bomb, we thought o semi nude pics o Megan Fox and not a Biologicalweapon. Because o the incredible invention o the computer network we no longer needwomen in the esh because they inhabit our minds in glorious continuum o Gucci bath-ing suits. Thereore no war was begun, no revolution ensued and no bomb was detonatedbut rather a breathless turmoil o mpeg downloads and ash video clips.

Mark Abraham

Game Theory: Debug Mode

Blogs

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You would think that most guys know these things but apparently I am wrong. And so,in an eort to save you and your victims I present a ew tips.

I you are a guy, you like this girl and youre in a bar cradling a beer when said girl walksin,

1. Dont steal a kiss when she oers a hug. Even i its rom her cheeks. It is justweird.

I 3 hours later, she walks into the same bar where you happen to be, again, and yourblood alcohol level has increased in direct proportion to the amount o time passed,

2. Do not run and hug her. You smell bad, ok? The cologne is fnished. OVER. Now itis just sweat and smoke rom your cigarettes. Horses smell better.

3. I you ask her to dance and she says no, leave her alone. Do not, I repeat DO NOT,grab her hand and begin pulling her or grab her shoulders and begin shaking her shoul-ders in dancing movements. It is not unny. It is only annoying. You are pissing her o.

4. Do not declare your undying aection or her while squeezing her scalp in onehuge palm ater you shoved her head into your armpit in misdirected move toyour mouth so she could hear you better when you are shouting.5. Do not hit on her cousin.

6. Do not hit on her other cousin.7. Do not ollow her around the club.8. Do not attempt deep conversation on why she does not like you back in the

club.9. When you fnally piss her o and she snaps at you, do not attempt to kiss her.10. When she sees you and runs or the bathroom do not wait outside the bath

room door until she comes out.11. Do not tell her what she thinks and then get pissed o when she disagrees

with you.12. When you hug her and you catch her holding a make believe gun to her head

to her laughing riend behind you in the mirror on the wall, take a hint13. I every time you want to have a conversation with her, she happens to be in

the middle o her beefest male riends or crazy violent girl riends, take a hint

Basically i you like a girl and you are drunk, youre ruining your chances by attemptingto talk to her so just stay away. Smile and retreat. Unless she likes you back, then obvi-ously none o this applies.

Yvonne K. Zabu

Tips and Tricks for the Ignorant

Blogs

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Apparently I have a signature style!!Cool!! I always start with I dont know what towrite someone was complaining about that, mbu,but seriously, have you actually read the hmm, er,articles I think is the right word, barely. How manytimes have you actually managed to make some-thing out o them?

Apparently every great writer has something to com-municate, wonder what my message would be

Ever thought o competing in one o these reality

show thingies where they judge you not according toyour skill but nah, boring.

So here I am, just sitting at my pc and typing, and ocourse hoping ervently that what I do write actuallydoes make some sense, well, not really, but at leastpretending to. Otherwise Id just be writing ram-alama bang bang (good song by the way I mean,really, I have good taste, sue me), or some reason itwont leave my head especially that beat, you know,

the ding-ding ding-ding, ding-ding ding-ding ok,clearly music was not meant to be communicated onpaper, Ill think o something, use canvas instead, orparchment or even better, maybe get our dear editorto attach the song to the WZ when hes mailing it,oh, wait, that would be piracy o some sort, huh?

How about, ok, yeah, I could just write out the lyr-ics, not that that would make much sense withoutthe beat anyone out there know sheet music? Youcould show me how to write it and then o course

teach all the worthy readers how to read it, come tothink o it, might just be easier to deal with the law-suit that comes with the piracy

Mish mash, you know some people who wont takeno or an answer? Ok, this is where I would usu-ally tell some kind o unny or sad story about somepoor sop that would make you giggle or jeer, but, eh,Nothing comes to mind, seriously, nothing, nothingnothing.

You know that everytime Im writing a ash o thelast thingy thing I wrote comes to mind? I mean,right now it was with the nothing, nothing nothingAbid would probably tell you where that came rom,

i he wished.

By the way, i you are laughing or some reasonright now, it is not because o this article, its be-cause when you got here, you expected to laugh,and hey presto!!(jeers anyone?) Ah, the beauty othe human brain, mind, whatever controls that,could be the adrenals or all I care, I mean, thatwould certainly explain why some peoples mouthsare constantly running unortunately not away.

Yikes, but six hundred is a tough limit, um, uh,aha!! He he, that made sense!! I did say I was justtyping, did I not? Im not in the mood to complaintoday, that sucks, I mean, I want to complain,but I cant. (on a side note, well, not really a sidenote, more o an aside, or whatever they call thesethings. (you know, the problem o writing like Ido is that youre constantly, well, Im constantlylosing track o what I want to say, memory o agoldfsh our dear Editor would call it, but thenagain someone already made o with that yellow(I mean yellow, not gold (yay, six nested brackets,way cool, this is starting to look like code, I onlyneed to add in parentheses and stu like that(um, what exactly are parentheses?(oh, six now,nested brackets I mean, and o course Ive com-

pletely orgotten that point I was trying to avoidmaking(JACKPOT ))))) cup, yellow cup, thats what Iwas talking about, not a trophy, a yellow cup) I re-ally dont remember the point I was trying to makehere, but seven nested brackets, again, yay!! So

what i I dont remember what each bracket is or?I have made six hundred ater all)I you really are asking six hundred what? by theway, you really need to read a bit more, my stuespecially, the bad part is, it almost never makessense, the good part is, it never makes sense, yepthat was me advertising mysel, wonder why Imdoing that hmmmAnd or my one, my only, my beautiul proud hunt-

ress, come closer, let me whisper it

Brian B Coutinho

The Idlers Corner

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ALEVEL RESULTSEven ater our years, Im still aected.In my amily, we are all assumed to be bright.But we know better. Some o us are the brighto having the potential to open up your owncompany in your feld o study, and the rest, itsor doing what you love and what you consider

to be your calling, being a people person, andhoping that gets you to the top.

Now one may ask; how is this determined?

Ans: ALevel exams. You can ail OLevel andblame it on the teachers who taught in an ex-cuse o English, but when it comes to ALevel,

you have to deliver.How do you determine delivery?There is only one clear answer. You get govern-

ment sponsorship. This can be done in manyways.i) You get maximum points and appear innewspapersii) You do science related courses; the countryails, so with your average results, you still getgovernment sponsorshipiii) You bribe an LC in a remote district some-where so you get into the quota system, thusgovernment sponsorshipI you dont deliver, you can at least hal deliver.Get a good proessional course on sel sponsor-

ship that will automatically determine a brightuture in the payees eyes.All this is supposed to be easy, unless o courseyou are the exception.

You ail OLevel, pass ALevel in relation to someo your amily members but ail to get govern-ment sponsorship or a proessional course be-cause o poor application, ail to get in through

quota system due to utter reusal to bribe, missthe other proessional course on private by 0.1,miss the same course at another universitybecause they are not admitting oreigners thatyear, despite the act that you aced their tests,and thus you settle or a course that only the

people studying it understand the importance.

When this happens, there is only one thing tolook orward to...... ALevel results. Not yours,but those o the one that comes ater you. You

spend sleepless nights not praying or ailure,but rather or consolation. You pray that the

amily will at least have two people persons. Sowhen I am woken up with a phone call that the lastborn has excelled and even made it into the news-papers, you cannot begin to imagine the trauma. Theloss o hope, the re-beginning o sel pity, the..the..the.. please allow me go dry my eyes while I try todigest the issue at hand!

Sara AKelly

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Youre standing there; that song comes on, the beat slowly takes you over, you start tapping youreet. You tap your eet some more; then you hear your avourite part, your body moves to the rhythm,your hands orm a guitar and start strumming it. Your hands orm drumsticks and start hitting;your hands orm the saxophone and start gearing it, your hand orms a microphone and you mimeall the high notes and incredulous growls.Slowly you build up to the all conqueringsong fnale, the crowd goes wild, you takea bow and the crowd shouts even more.You are the star. You are THE CUDDLERS,air banders!!!.

The Cuddlers is a group o ten proes-

sionals who have taken to the ront o thenew wave o air banding. Air banding isa orm o dance and movement in whichthe perormer pretends to play dierentinstruments including vocals. It could bedescribed as a more complex and coordi-nated orm o miming. The beauty about air banding is that you dont actually have to know howto play an instrument; you just have to be good at pretending to play it. In act only one member othe Cuddlers knows how to play an instrument. The Cuddlers was ormed in august 2009 by a group

o creative imaginative wild young proessionals who eel there is more to leisure than just barsand parties. The group is made up o nine guys and one lovely lady. It is a diverse mix o a graphicdesigner, an IT security ofcer, a programmer, a call center manager, a lecturer, and IT consultants.The group originally started out as just that, a group o riends who just wanted to print t-shirts withtheir names and the group name. Within a ew hours however, due to the incessant rock music play-ing in the background at that time, and with everyone miming along or playing an air instrument,

two o the group members decided to turn it into an air band.The Cuddlers preer to look at this as a hobby rather than a career and even though they meet regu-larly to play some songs, they have actually never played any venuenot that it bothers them. Theybelieve with time the air banding theme that they have pioneered will catch up in Kampala.

Their name is in tribute to every ones instinct to embrace something true in this case, music thatmoves the soul. the band includes members who play dierent instruments like drums, guitars,piano, trumpet as well as lead and back up vocals.

Members are Muhinda Aaron(co-ounder)- lead vocals, Wasukira Gibson-writer/vocals, MukwayaBrian-Piano, Lwanga James-trumpet ,Komukama Darlyne-tambourine/vocals/costume designer,Sekikubo Michael-bass guitar/vocals ,Okura Joe-rhythm guitar/vocals, Bwire emma-acoustic guitar,Kinene Jason(co-ounder)-drums

Ssemakula Brian and Abigaba Godrey-sometime managers :-)

Leisure

The Cuddlers

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Leisure

1.Asheru (Intro)

2.Asheru - The Boondocks Theme

3.Black Lincolns (Asheru, Heron Gibron, BlackberryJones) - The Hustle (Produced by Blackberry Jones)

4.Talib Kweli - More Or Less (Produced by Hi-Tek)

5.Little Brother eat. Mos De - Let It Go (Produced by9th Wonder)

6.Skyzoo - The Bodega (Produced by 9th Wonder)

7.Gan...gstalicious Ressurection (Interlude)

8.Asheru Speaks (Produced by Tough Junkie)

9.Dead Prez eat. Common & Last Poets - Panthers(Dub Floyd Screamixx Produced by J. Dilla R.I.P.)

10.Akir - Politricks11.Asheru - Revolution12.Common - Nag Champa (Produced by J. DillaR.I.P.) (Flashback)13.Method Man eat. Lauren Hill & CL Smooth -They Say (Dub Floyd Screamixx 14.The Roots eat.

Maimouna Youse - It Dont Feel Right15.Doujah Raze eat. AG & Sean Price Fahrenheit

Daniel Sozi

1. Martin Luther King plagiarized approxi-mately one third o his doctoral thesis. He also ap-propriated others text, without credit, or his a-mous speeches, including I Have A Dream.

2. George Harrison was successully sued orplagiarizing (though perhaps unconsciously) theChions Hes So Fine or the melody o his ownMy Sweet Lord.

3. Senator Joseph Biden was orced to withdrawrom the 1988 Democratic Presidential nominationswhen it was revealed that he had ailed a course inlaw school due to plagiarism. It was also shown thathe had copied several campaign speeches, notablythose o British Labour leader Neil Kinnock and Sen-ator Robert F. Kennedy.

4. Alex Haley was permitted to settle out-o-court or $650,000, having admitted that he copied

large passages o his novel rom The Arican by Ha-rold Courlander.

5. In 2003, the United Kingdom Governmentwas accused o copying some text rom the work oa CSU Monterey Bay post-graduate student or itssecurity dossier on Iraq, dubbed by the media thedodgy dossier.

6. Science fction author Harlan Ellison suedand won in a case against James Cameron, claim-ing that his flm The Terminator plagiarized his epi-

sodes Soldier and Demon With a Glass Hand othe show The Outer Limits Doris Kearns Goodwin(2002 scandal)

7. Micheal Bolton was accused by the IsleyBrothers o plagiarizing their song Love is won-derul thing Isley brothers won and were awarded$5.4M

8. William Shakespeare is thought to have lib-erally sprinkled his work with ideas snagged romellow playwrights. As one critic put it, however, Ithis is plagiarism, perhaps we need more o it.

9. Cold Play : The British band Coldplay whosesongs topped the UK charts in 2000 has admittedto charges o plagiarism in their X & Y album. Itseems that there have been no repercussions other

than the band acknowledging that they probablyshould have reerenced their sources o inspirationin the orm o a discography.

10. Bruce Springsteen was accused o liting thetune and lyrics o a Sam Cooke song. The choruseso the two songs are virtually identical:

Springsteen:Meet me at Marys placeWere gonna have a party . . .

Cooke:Meet me at Marys placeWere gonna have us a ball today . . .

Sourced rom www.amousplagiarists.com,www.exam-iner.com and www.spiritus-temporis.com

Playlist

WorkZine Top Ten

Famous examples oplagiarism

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Poetry

Dreams WithinI go to bed thinking about Him,Spend the whole night with Him,Always wake up in his worldBut he is not here with me

All this pain I eelWhy is it so realWhy can he not be in my arms?They say dreams come trueThis one might never beFor lately its not a dreamIts a Nightmare!

Priscilla Mbabazi

A amily Portrait

I heard the boy playing daddy say

Ill beat you,Because am daddy.The girl playing mummy was kneeling beorethe boy,Her head slightly bowed as though coyTo subdue.I heard the boy playing daddy say,Also like my daddy,Ill divorce you.

Kagayi Peter

More Than OneAsk me or one reason or LoveAnd ten reasons you will HaveTell me to pray to God AboveAnd he will be all that I ServeTake me through One SessionAnd I will learn my LessonHenceorth it will be my Mission

And I will answer any QuestionGive me one bowl o SoupAnd just a meals ScoopAnd I will be within the LoopMaking sauce to eed the TroopHenceorth I reserve my CommentFor, even without my Comment,Everything I say in a moment,

Earns me a lietime o Torment

Bernard Ewalu Olupot

THE AFRICAN WOMANShe was black beauty;Ebony was skin-deep;Her hair was thick dark;Her blood owed vast.

When she walked, she sashayed;When she talked her voice were bells;But her place was in the kitchen;Her hands were blistered and beaten;

Yet she carried her burden.

She is the strength there in;She is the beauty unseen;She is the power o lie;And the heart o the wise.Auma Maria

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Events

Anita Asiimwe, Biribwa D Arinaitwe, Paul Ninsiima, Irene Josephine, Mark

Mayanja ,Agaba Francis, Gideon Kyabakama, Mark P. Lewis, Stuart GordonKatungi, Batemyetto Evelyn, Habil Musa Ajobe, Kansiime Caroline, NatashaKarugaba, Kusemererwa Peter, Muheki Onesmus, Norman Anguzu, Nsubu-ga Mark, Martin Oluka, Singirankabo Nduwayo Claude, Suze Peru, Dianah-Rose Nassozi, Edwin Olowo Essy Annony, John Baptist, Dogo Singh, LydiaNasira, Allan Atukunda, Alred Cole McChora, Godrey Ssajja Ssali, Murun-gi N Ronald, Mabonga Herbert, Belinda Roanah K, Esta Wannyana, NancyAmito, Bob Reyman Kabango, Darlyne Komukama, John Mutama, Charity

Kamusiime, Kayondo Francis, Ivan Mugisha R, Erasmus Ellis Katwebaze,Daisy Marione, Morris Abajai, Douglas Pascal S, Ssesanga Allan Simon, EddWhewell, Joseph Kazibwe, Herbert Byamukama, Katusiime Annet

Saturday 13th March,

2010 saw weeks o prepara-tion fnally pay o. The Grandefnale o the Teenz Involvedcampaign, a drive that sawteenagers in dierent sec-ondary schools in and aroundKampala contribute items to-wards the landslide victims oBududa, came to pass. The First

Uganda National Spelling Bee(FUNsBEE) Company, the Pay It

Forward Foundation (PIFF) and The WorkZine together collected dierentmaterials and these were handed over to the Uganda Red Cross Society.The colorul handover ceremony was ollowed by a charity walk rom KCCgrounds to Garden city where a mini-spelling bee competition and lots othrilling entertainment rom Bonfre crew took place. During all the spills,and thrills, blood donation went on at Nakumatt. The camera captured therest.

TEENZ INVOLVEDFUNsBEE Charity Drive

Birthdays

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So, the BBC is carrying out an experiment as part o their special season o programmeson how the internet is changing the world.

According to their website,

The internet brings millions o people together digitally every day, but one thing itcannot do well - at least, not yet - is allow people who speak dierent languages to

understand each other easily.

BBC World Service wants to explore whether technology will be able to change this -in a unique experiment using our language services and translation sotware - broad-cast live online rom 1300GMT on 18 March 2010.

SuperPower Nation on the Web

As a part o SuperPower Nation Day, we are running an experiment using automaticmachine translation technology to see how the internet can break down languagebarriers.

Its your turn to talk. And we have no agenda - any topics or issues will be debatedand discussed.

What is unique about this is that you can talk to speakers o completely dierentlanguages in your own voice. Speakers o click Arabic, click Chinese, click English,

click Persian, click Indonesian, click Portuguese and click Spanish will be able to talkto each other using Googles machine translation.

Your call

SuperPower Nation will be broadcast rom 1300GMT on the click live event page andBBC World television. *

* BBC SuperPower Nation

SuperPower

Nation