Vol. 11, Issue 2 October 34, 2011 (This day doesn’t even exist.)

Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com

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Quote of the Week

Back to the Future + Junior Dance Club = BAD I was your typical twelve-year

-old geek in junior high, a verita-

ble fountain of useless trivia and

poor social skills. The Adderall

didn't help, but let's not stray

from the topic at hand.

Back in those days, Internet

usage was a damn hard thing to

come by. We didn't get Internet

access in the Parsons household

until 2001, so most of my 'net

usage came from my grandfather,

my aunt, or my parents’ work-

place.

So there I was one day, perus-

ing Back to the Future fansites for

no good reason other than Back to the Future is the best movie tril-

ogy EVER. I firmly believed it

then, I firmly believe it now.

That particular day, I found an

interesting bit of trivia about Part

I. As it happens, Doc doesn't

throw away Marty's letter after

ripping it up! It's a quick slight-of-

hand, but Christopher Lloyd puts

the torn letter fragments in his

coat pocket! That's how Doc was

able to keep the note, tape it back

up, and survive the terrorists' gun-

fire!

OOOOOH! This was HUGE

news to Young Bryce. I absolutely

had to share this fascinating movie

trivia with EVERYONE. And

what a cowinkydink, Junior

Dance Club's big fancy dance was

that evening.

First off, let me apologize

for what comes next in our

story. Understand that I was

still twelve, and VERY much

still a bright-eyed, fascinated

kid. Still am, actually, but back

THEN I had even worse social

skills than I have now. Which

is saying something.

For you see, I told EVERY

SINGLE GIRL I DANCED

WITH ABOUT DOC'S LET-

TER. Even the ones who had-

n't seen BTTF. And I think

that later on in the evening, I

realized how much of a dork

I'd been. Facepalm.

But OHHH, it gets better.

Several years went by. Jun-

ior Dance Club became a dis-

tant memory in my Central

High School years, and the

little BTTF faux pas became

nothing more than an embar-

rassing memory. I was count-

ing on being safely forgotten

by the girls from other junior

highs that came to Central,

and I was nearly positive that

the Glenn JHS girls had forgot-

ten about it completely.

And I made it to my senior

year without anyone bringing

it up. So yes, it was in the back

of my mind, and I figured I'd

never hear about it again.

One day in Ms. McKinney's

English class, before class started,

a girl I liked named Christie

Smith beckoned me over to

where she was sitting with a

group of female classmates.

"Hey Bryce," she said, giving

me a curious look. "Were you in

Junior Dance Club?"

I immediately didn't like

where this was going. "Yes," I

said nervously.

"Were you that guy that told

me the secret to Back to the Fu-

ture?"

Oh sweet, merciful God, no. "He told me all about how

Doc saved this note," she told the

girls. "I hadn't seen that movie

then, but I've seen it since," she

added.

Seeing what must have been a

truly horrified look on my face,

she quickly added, "But it's okay,

it's totally cool!"

That did it, then. A girl I

crushed on in high school knew

my geeky secret and shared it

with people who probably would

forget it a day later. Fortunately,

I was able to laugh it off, and she

even mentioned it in my senior

yearbook when she signed it.

Christie Smith. Haven't kept

up with her. I should look her up

sometime.

-Bryce J. Parsons

Vol. 11, Issue 2 Something to read in class today

R A M D I C U L O U S   P A G E   P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite science fiction via our email, page@ramdiculous.com, or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. Live long and prosper, y’all. 

Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons

Benevolent Dictatress Christine Boswell

Artists and Writers The Usual Ramdiculists & Goons

Whoomp There it is

“Jeez, dude. Put some pants on.” -Ancient North American proverb

3

the incredible question

For the last time, NO! Ramdiculous didn’t steal the Ram Page Last Friday, a scoundrel stole every Ram Page on campus. I swear on my

mother’s soul, it was NOT us here at Ramdiculous. And I’m not saying that to be funny. We really did not do it. While we DO have a rivalry with the Ram Page, and dislike the Ram

Page’s lesser forms of newspapery deliciousness, we just don’t go around throwing out copies of their paper.

Why don’t we do that? Is it because they work really hard on their paper, and we don’t want to make the Ram Page staff feel bad?

Oh hell no. We don’t care about that. Truth is, we leave the Ram Page in place because it is a heinous crime to

steal every single copy of the Ram Page. It really is. Ramdiculous believes in freedom of speech. To remove the other paper for

whatever reason deprives students of the opportunity to choose another pa-per, even if we disagree with the Ram Page here at Ramdiculous.

So screw you, Ram Page thief. Screw you HARD. MISSING: Have you seen me?

Word of the Day:

etiolate (v.): 1.) To make pale through lack of light,

especially of a plant. 2.) To make a person pale or

sickly-looking.

(From Wiktionary)

High Noon (Nov. 5) A Man for all Seasons (Nov. 12) Guys’ Night In (Nov. 19) A Bronx Tale Glory The Rainmaker Tears of the Sun Boyz N The Hood Rob Roy The Mission: Impossible Marathon (Dec. 3) Mission: Impossible Part I Mission: Impossible Part II Mission: Impossible Part III

Fall 2011 Schedule

All movies start at 7p.m. in the Texan Hall Community Room, unless otherwise stated. Be sure to look for us on Facebook!

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On the Topic of Space and School and Other Such Things By Miss C. Boz

Twinkle twinkle little star Studying for tests is very hard Up above Concho so high Birds and bats go flying by Twinkle twinkle shining star Get good grades And you'll go far Yar!

Poetry Time.

Write or draw for us! Contact us at:

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answer! Facebook.com/

ramdiculous Last answer: Cheetara

(Do you even remember?)

Picture of the Week: That’s what she said

Ramdiculous: Making women go wild since 2006

Difficulty: 29 (Hard)

RAMDICULOUS

SUDOKU Difficulty: 3 (Normal)

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Top Ten Space travels

10.) Apollo 16

9.) Apollo 13

8.) Apollo 17

7.) That time that the Doctor

took the TARDIS to the Eye

of Orion and met his past

regenerations

6.) Apollo 14 & 15 (tie)

5.) Apollo 12, with centerfolds on

the moon

4.) Anything with Planet Express

3.) The Genesis planet

2.) Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum

nuking an alien mothership in

Independence Day (1996)

1.) Apollo 11

Zombies in the Bronze Age By Robert Thompson

One of the things that makes the past infinitely more interest-ing than the present was how little we knew about the world around us. The edges of the map were far closer and darker than we could ever understand and people faced the real threat of being annihilated by forces they did not understand. I’m fond of saying that history is more interesting than anything Hollywood has come up with lately and I stand by that state-ment, but I constantly think about how wonderful it would be if Hollywood A: Made a conscious effort to accurately reproduce an historical event, or B: Choose the correct historical event to take in another direc-tion.

Imagine what it would be like if one day we just stopped hearing from Canada, no news comes out, the people we send up there never come back. Laconic Trope of the Day

Batman Can Breathe In Space

TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.

“In space, oxygen tanks are

optional.”

By Thomas Nast SAN ANGELO, TX—People

have decided that Kim Kar-

dashian is NOT worthy of con-

versation.

“Really, I don’t know why I

kept up with her,” said sopho-

more Angelina Spoova. “I don’t

even know her.”

National polls show that the

American population have finally

realized that it’s actually pretty

stupid to follow the hijinks of

some California chick that they

don’t even know.

“Seriously, I have better

things to do,” said Spoova. “I

could learn Flemish. In fact, I

think I’m going to do that now.”

Kardashian had no comment.

Everyone is sick of Kim Kardashian

Imagine that by a few years later we lose contact with eve-ryone north of the Red river. Imagine the tension and the panic as that big black line on the map gets closer and closer and then one day some guy with a HAM radio gets a mes-sage from Abilene, “Were un-der attack. They can’t be stopped. You can’t fight them. Run.” That sort of thing. A few days later, it, whatever it is, is knocking down your door.

I’ve just described the col-lapse of the bronze age, an ac-tual series of events that took place in the Eastern Mediterra-nean three thousand years ago. Kingdoms fell, cities were burned to the ground, and to this day we still don’t know exactly what happened. What we do know is that Egypt, the superpower of the age, was so weakened that it collapsed soon after. Cast Mark Strong as Rameses and make it a movie about zombies and not barbar-ian hordes and I guarantee it will be a blockbuster.

Robert Thompson is the Ram-

diculous Page’s Bronze Age Zombies Editor, and also on the cover this week. In fact, go back and take a look at the cover. We’ll wait here.

6 Roland Emmerich is a Bloody Moron

Christine Boswell,

Ramdiculous VP