Vol. 11, Issue 3

November 18, 2011

(Push-Button Phone Day)

Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006

Also on Twitter, @ramdiculous

2

Quote of the

Week

Vol. 11, Issue 3

Ceci n'est pas une pipe.

R A M D I C U L O U S P A G E P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite escargot via our email, page@ramdiculous.com, or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. Allons-y, Alonso!

Editeur Haut

Bryce J. Parsons

La Reine du monde

Christine Boswell

Artistes et écrivains

The Usual Ramdiculists & Goons

Allons enfants de la Patrie

Le jour de gloire est arrive!

“Make

love, not

war.”

-National

motto of

France,

maybe

Leditors to the Editor

Dear Ramdiculous,

I think my boyfriend is sleep-

ing with my best friend. What

should I do?

-Scorned in San Angelo

Scorned—You should have nothing to worry about. If they’re sleeping, then they’re probably too tired for sex with each other. –Top Ed.

*****

Dear Ramdiculous,

What’s the capital of Bolivia?

-Leeroy Donovan

Leeroy—La Paz is the admin-istrative capital, and Sucre is the judicial seat. I can see how you might get confused. –Top Ed.

*****

Dear Ramdiculous,

Your newspaper is nothing

but pure drivel. I take offense

to the article in your second

issue this semester, in which

you claim that October 34 is a

real day. IT ISN’T, LOSERS!

-Bella Button

Bella—October 34 is actu-ally a real day. It just doesn’t exist on our plane of exist-ence. Also, we’re all making up crap half the time with this paper, so I dunno why you chose to gripe about THAT. –Top Ed.

*****

Dear Ramdiculous,

Yesterday morning, I saw

some guy walking around in

sweatpants and a Ramdicu-

lous hoodie. Is he a serial

killer?

-Joanna Turkeybaster

Joanna—That was actual-ly me walking over to the CHP to pump iron like a boss. As far as I know, I have not killed anyone, but I once put someone into a coma because I was too bor-ing. Happy trails. –Top Ed.

*****

Dear Ramdiculous,

I have always wanted to

learn how to solder elec-

tronic components, and I

just got a soldering iron for my

birthday. What kind of solder

should I buy?

-Geek in Texan Hall

Geek—I personally prefer to use lead-free solder, but any solder that is 60% tin and 40% lead is all right. Be sure the solder has a flux core, and re-member: ALWAYS WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER HAN-DLING SOLDER. You don’t want to get lead poisoning; it goes straight to your brain, and that might suck in the long term. –Top Ed.

*****

Dear Ramdiculous,

Why?

-Philosopher in Centennial

Phil—Because. –Top Ed.

*****

Have a letter for our editor? Send an email to his inbox at bparsons1@angelo.edu, or message him through our Fa-cebook page. Please write some letters, already!

3

the incredible question

Honorary Ram of the Week: Gustave “G-Thang” Eiffel So this is the dude who designed the Eiffel Tower. Obviously. We made Gustave honorary Ram of the Week because what’s more

stereotypically French than the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France? Seriously, any movie that is set in Paris has to feature a shot of the Eiffel tower for some reason. I guess because moviegoers are morons.

But ahem. We’re getting off topic. Seriously, Eiffel was a pretty cool fellow. Besides his infamous tower

(which Parisians hated back in the day), Eiffel was also responsible for the armature of the Statue of Liberty in New York City. And THAT thing has been a symbol of the Big Apple since FOREVER!

Way to go, Gustave, for helping make two iconic images of two differ-ent cities on our humble planet. You deserve to be Ram of the Week.

Gustave was also lead singer in the group Eiffel 65, responsible for the song “Blue (Da Ba Dee).” Ha ha! I’m blue, da-ba-dee, da-ba-die...

Nov. 19: Guys’ Night In

A Bronx Tale Glory The Rainmaker Tears of the Sun Boyz N The Hood Rob Roy

Dec. 3: The Mission: Impossible Marathon

Mission: Impossible Part I Mission: Impossible Part II Mission: Impossible Part III

Upcoming Movies Schedule

All movies start at 7p.m. in the Texan Hall Community Room,

unless otherwise stated. Be sure to look for us on Facebook!

4

Bladder grief By Mademoiselle C. Boz

Az I zit in my class

Upon my…..(well you know)

I’m zuddenly in need

Of a place to go Oui Oui

Ze professor iz not nice

And zays we cannot leave

Not for anything at all

Not even to do Oui Oui

Zo I zit and I zquirm

Wriggle ‘round like a worm

Watch the minutez tick past

on ze clock

I’m about to walk

Out of zis room

Even if it’z to my immortal

doom

Finally ze class iz done

My bladder haz not won

Zo I dash to 'les toilettes'

And feel zo much better!

Poetry Time.

Write or draw for us!

Contact us at:

page@ramdiculous.com

(P.S. For every article you

write that gets published,

you get a $5 gift card.

Who says no to money?)

Who’s This? Send us your

answer! Facebook.com/

ramdiculous Last answer: K-9 from Doctor Who

(Nobody got it. Go figure.)

France: The video game!

Difficulty: 223 (Extreme)

RAMDICULOUS

SUDOKU Difficulty: 3 (Normal)

By Osztopán Schwartz

If you're tired of all of

the same old war-themed

video games coming out

these days, then do I have

a treat for you!

This new game straight

from the development

studios of Condom,

France (it's a real town, I

swear) takes an interest-

ing new twist on our in-

teractive media that is so

important to getting our

homework sufficiently

procrastinated.

Before the game starts,

you get to customize your

character's look. You can

choose between many

d i f ferent patterned

scarves, berets, and hori-

zontally-striped long-

sleeved shirts. You even

get to draw your own

fake mustache!

The game then begins

with a cut scene of your

character, who is talking

about how inferior Ameri-

cans are while painting a

piece of abstract art that

probably represents his

unique snowflake of a per-

sonality.

There actually isn't any

plot or story in this game,

and you can't leave the art

studio. However, you can

make your character con-

sume long loafs of very

hard bread and drink ex-

pensive red wine. If you do

this enough, there's even a

bonus level where you get

to eat cheese!

Overall, this game is very

well done and “associated

critics” have given it a 9 out

of 10.

Osztopán Schwartz is the Ramdiculous Page’s Video Games Editor. Why is that? He asked nicely and we happily said yes.

5

ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the

Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at ads@ramdiculous.com

Advertising Guidelines

1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-

fore publication.

2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-

lous Page will not create any ads.

3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page.

4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no

organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of

a page in ad space.

The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event

except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable

nature. This includes but is not limited to:

Alcohol

drugs

tobacco

illegal activities

*Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the

Ramdiculous Page

Top Ten Things that are “French”

10.) French fries

9.) French Lick, Indiana

8.) Mr. French (The butler

from Family Affair)

7.) French’s Mustard

6.) French Catheter Scale

5.) French bread

4.) French toast

3.) French Defence

(1. e4 e6)

2.) French horns

1.) French kissing ;)

By Robert Thompson

My name is Robert Thomp-

son and I am president of the

French Club.

I am also one of the most

fervent Francophobes you will

ever meet.

Conflict of interests? Maybe,

but at least I have good reasons,

unlike the rest of you.

Seriously, how many of you

think that the French would

surrender to a thunderstorm if

they ever pulled themselves out

of their wine bottles long enough

to notice it was raining? Open a

book, people: the French have a

lot to be proud of on that front:

390 BC. The Senones sack

Rome.

52 BC. The Arverni defeat

Julius Caesar at the Battle

of Gergovia. Yeah, that

Caesar.

732 AD. The Franks defeat

a Muslim army at Tours Laconic Trope of the Day

Everything Sounds Sexier In French

TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.

“How a foreign language sounds

with a specific feel, like how

French is seductive.”

By Edwin A. Abbott

(NOTE: This article is writ-ten entirely using autocorrect and a small amount of liquid courage.)

Do we ever want to go do far

as more in life look like to do?

I remember where I would

youth, I always dreamed of

beng the beach in cold beets

Butter asphalt weird always

knowledge, things donut alt-

hou gone aspartamez planet

I justified finnish myself

seconds weak of world

I hose youth have always

benefit verily successful

Love, Edwin

(P.S. I miss writing for this

paper.)

Pardon my French

and literally save Western

civilization.

1066 AD. The Normans

under William the Con-

queror conquer England.

1429 AD. Joan of Arc de-

feats the English at Orle-

ans. Seriously, how badass

do you have to be for it not

to matter that your army is

led by a 16-year-old girl who hears voices?

1781 AD. The French help

the US win at Yorktown.

1793-1815. Anything with

Napoleon.

Conclusion: The French do

all right. Sometimes they win,

sometimes they lose, but they’re

next to Germany for God’s sake,

so what do you people want?

If you’re looking for a good

reason to hate the French, try

and learn the language. Better

still, read The Road to St. Helena

by David Markham.

Kick Napoleon out of

France, what were they think-

ing?

Robert Thompson is the Ramdiculous Page’s French Is-sues Editor. He also says that he knows who took the cookie from the cookie jar. Who, me? Yes, you. Couldn’t be! Then who?

Word of the Day:

nom de plume (n.): 1.) A pen name or

pseudonym. (Coined in English from

French nom [“name”] + de [“of”] +

plume [“feather”], by analogy with the

borrowed nom de guerre.)

(From Wiktionary)

Cheese-eating surrender monkeys

6 CB complains to BP about her hair