Work Zine Vol Issue 1

8/14/2019 Work Zine Vol Issue 1

1/9

his colleagues had to dig upwhatever skills they had andbecome mechanics when theircar broke down in the middleof nowhere. Stuck for hours,they had to roll up theirsleeves and get dirty . Thankfullyrelaxing at the beach latermade up for it. Mike found the lan-guage barrier in Spain toomuch for him to handle. Itslike someone had mixed Chi-nese , Xhosa, Mexican and putit thru a synthesizer just tospite me .Otherwise thedownload speeds were off thehook. Joan enjoyedthe round trip from Kampala toFort Portal but had problemswith the time spent on theroad . She did however enjoybuying cheap matooke along the way.

A job where I can travel. One of the requirements we give our-selves when looking for a new

job or first one. Take my buddyKenneth, in the time span of ayear, the man has been toMadagascar, France, south Af-rica, DRC and Uganda. Susandoes the Scotland, UAE, France,UK route all the time. Soundsglamorous eh? Maurice andNelson have been to almost allpart of Uganda. IF they don'tknow a towns name, it doesn'texist. Diana runs around Bujum-bura, Kigali and weird towns inthe middle of Ugandas upcoun-try landscape. Silver , Allan andDogo know all the streets inKampala. They can walk aroundin a riot blindfolded without los-ing their way. Of course whenone hears company trip, theassociation of hotels, companycars or all-expenses flightsspring to mind. And lets not for-

get about PER DIEM!! Yes PERDIEM. FYI, diem in Latinmeans day. Hence PER DAY.One gets paid per day in addi-tion to salary. Thats the way itshould. The money, the cars,

the hotels, the exotic places,the awe of staggering scenery.Perfect. BUZZZ!!! Wake up. Is itreally that perfect?

According to Emma, don't believe eve-rything you dream . On a re-cent trip to Burundi, he and

No new taxes or increases

Ramadhan Magara convictedof manslaughter, sentence of 14 years for the 2006 killing of two supporters of Kizza Besi-gye.

USA re-orders the footballlandscape at confederationscup

F1 teams announce break-

away Federer hailed as the greatest

Hilary Clinton breaks elbow.Obama says, it wasn't me.

Zain and IHK scandal excite Africa

Another scandal hits Pente-costal Churches.

Tanzania to start taxing reli-

gious institutions 75 year old woman impreg-

nated by rapist-turned-lover,25

Kigali invaded by Ugandangirls on holiday.

King of Pop , Michael Jacksonis dead

Work in the fast lane!!!!!

T H E W O R K E RE D I T O R S

W O R D

I know what you must be

thinking. Ok. I don't. But

you may be thinking, un-

imaginative name. Well,

blame the muses, seems

they were on leave. This

E-zine is aimed at working

class people who occa-

sionally receive veiled

threats from their

bosses and little thanks

from their subordinates.

So, take a read. Find out

what's happening with

other companies . And if

you want to, reply to the

email address provided

with your own thoughts

and we won't mind let-

ting others read it. This e-

zine will be available

every three weeks free

of charge to your email.

Engross yourself in this

the first edition, hope-

fully the first of many.

This edition features the

travelling workers. And

what they do when

they ...er.working.

Enjoy.

Businge Abid Weere

I N S I D E T H I SI S S U E :

Organisation In Focus 2

Office Exhibit 3

Tribute to MJ 4

Retirement watch 5

What's in your contract 6

Idlers ark 7

Humour central 9

I n t h e n e w s

G E T T I N G Y O U T H R O U G H T H E F I R E

Work-zine 1st July 2009 Volume 1, Issue 1


2/9

AEISEC is not an organization thatappears in the New Vision list of top companies but it should inyours. Remember your times atcampus when you had so muchfree time that you wished youcould do something constructiveor have fun? AEISEC is the answer.IT provides international intern-ships for all its members plus theopportunity to get on-hands experi-ence with creative and impact-fulprojects. AEISEC Uganda runs anumber of projects in various ar-eas such as the AIDS awarenessASK in MUK or the business devel-

opment YES in MUBS among others. Golf tournaments and exhibitions are also held.AEISEC Uganda has over the years hostedand sent members to Canada, USA, UK,Egypt, India, Spain, Nigeria, Colombia andmany more. Students and fresh graduatesare offered the chance to pick up, show off,and improve their managerial, marketing,organizational and communication skillswith no prior experience required. But itsnot all work. Various welcome and farewellparties are held often by AEISEC Uganda.Truth be told, the best parties I have at-tended have been AEISEC parties. You justwalk into a room full of strangers fromaround the world and you walk out with

friendships that last a lifetime. Usu-ally bottle parties , these parties go on tillmorning. AEISEC alumni leave withbuilt self esteems and confidence.Skills acquired and experiencegained prove crucial in the jobworld. But I do have one regret asregards AEISEC : No one invited mefor the one piece party where atten-dees , whether male or female, wererequired to wear only ONE singlepiece of clothing!!!!!

By WorkBy WorkBy WorkBy Work ---- Zine ReporterZine ReporterZine ReporterZine Reporter

turn. Thinking that its theircompanion returning, they

continue watching and startmaking jokes about how theguy had had to go to thebathroom to help himself.They hear the door closing.Thinking the other dude waspissed, they give it no moreattention. The next morning,the headmaster , in front of

If you thought your job wasbad : Three resident tutors in

one of the top secondaryschools were watching anadult movie in one of theircolleagues room. After sometime, one of them gets upand walks out of the room. Afew minutes later, the re-maining two hear the dooropening and don't bother to

the whole school, castigatesthem for watching a blue movie.

Points them out to the wholeschool. All the students they havepower over are snickering. And itgets worse: they are not fired. Soif you thought your job was bad,trust them , it could be worse!!

PeterPeterPeterPeter ---- Centenary BankCentenary BankCentenary BankCentenary Bank

Always carry a thick jacket regardless of where you are going

Carry a digital camera for the sights thoughthey look the same over time

Always have extra cash and space . Neverknow what will happen or find on the road

Plan to stay an extra day . IF something can

go wrong, it usually does Purchase a phone that enables you to con-

nect to the internet. Boredom and need forknowledge can hit hard

Nelson TusiimeNelson TusiimeNelson TusiimeNelson Tusiime UTLUTLUTLUTL

Always have extra airtime if you don'thave a work phone

If you can, look for a friend who lives inthe town you are going to , essential inshowing you good spots and getting youout of a tight fix.

NEVER , NEVER, ever leave your laptopin your hotel room for an extended pe-riod even if its just for supper. Alwaysleave it in the hotel safe or walk with it

Every receipt is vital. If you can get it formineral water, do so. Accounting is easy

O R G A N I S A T I O N I N F O C U S : A E I S E C

I T C O U L D B E W O R S E

P a g e 2

T I P S F O R W O R K T R A V E L

Plan to stay an extra day . IF

something can go wrong, it usually

does

W o r k - z i n e

FOOD FORTHOUGHT:

What would yourather have in a job

: Opportunity orsecurity ?

This is a questionthat Enterprise

Uganda asked onceme . What's your an-

swer?


3/9

We have just come back from a company retreat. It was actually asurprise birthday party for some people at work, but that's the officialname and we shall stick with that. I am exhausted and exhilarated. Abit bruised but happy for those bruises. Happy that I am still alive toenjoy those wounds.

You see, we went white water rafting. Funny thing is, I can't swim. Notthat I rarely swim, or had forgotten how to swim: I just can't swim. And Iwent white water rafting. Bright.

Now, I will spare you the preliminaries and get right down to the nittygritty details of this exhilarating experience. Wait. First, we left some-one in Kireka. We were all late to report for departure, but this guyoutdid us. So, he had to catch up with us on bike. He swore he wastwo minutes away, yet we just left him. His new promise is never towait for any of us!

Anyways, back to the Nile. White water rafting is pretty extreme withfrequent flipping of the boat. We were made aware of that by theguides. I was hesitant at first, but then there were these life guards inkayaks, so I was at ease a little.

So we go for our first rapid, we paddle hard through it, it's a grade one,so we make it through without a hustle, then came the grade three. Isaw the wave coming, and there was little I could do to stop it. So I justrode it. Correction. It rode me. We see the wave coming up for us, andthe guide shouts for us to sit in the boat and hold tight. I sat, held ontomy paddle with one hand and held the rope on the side of the raft withmy left. This is my weaker hand, I must say, so hanging onto a boattilted at ninety degrees was not even a remote possibility.

I went under water. They say your life flashes before your eyes beforeyou die, but my brain does not work that way. I was thinking other thoughts like, " Why the hell did I just take a deep breath when I wasalready under the water?'' And, " I wonder if this floater thing evenworks?"

I soon found out as I came to the surface gasping for air. If I ever metthe guy who invented floaters, I would kiss him. Because were it not for his device, I might be doing the moonwalk with Michael Jackson (RIP)right now. A kayak guy came rushing over, bless him, and told me to

wrap my legs around him. First, I did not hear him. Second I did notwant to hear that! I was choking on Nile Special (What river Nile iswhen you drink up a whole lot of it), and I was hearing the Nile, be-cause it was all in my ear canal. I was also bobbing up and down inthe water, inhaling of course while in the water. So I just wanted tokeep my head up. Gradually, I came to my senses and did as I was

told.

We had quite a long way to go to the raft because I had drifted far from the raft. I was a bit nonplussed as the three other men in theboat had not been flung from the raft. Quite a blow to my ego. I thinkthe Irish guys in the boat suspected I could not swim because theystarted asking our guide insinuating questions like, "Can you dowhite water rafting if you can't swim?"The second time i was freaked out was when I was lured out of theboat by a girl who told me to get in the water. Not willing to feel likethe odd chicken out, I obliged. First I was holding on to the raft be-cause I still had v ivid flashes of the afterlife from the earlier fling off the boat. But then she managed to separate me from the boat. Atfirst I was close but then the river started pulling me apart from theboat.

I panicked.

At first I had tried an amateur butterfly stroke, with a little success.Now that I was far from the boat I tried more strokes, from moreinsects. I was paddling hard but I was getting pulled further back. Itried the cockroach stroke, the ant stroke and even the freaked outmillipede, but I was getting nowhere! Finally a kayak guy got me. Ireached the boat, dunked under and promptly took in a deep breath.Of course I came up coughing and gasping for air. The guide wasnot in a mood to pull me out just yet. Panic written all over my face,gasping for the ever elusive breath, I motioned fervently for help. Hekept saying," You'll be fine, just relax." Relax? I cant breathe in withmy nose or mouth and you are telling me to relax?

Anyways, many more things happened during the day that I will tellyou about at some other time. Till then, stay safe.

By Otaala Samuel

matter as possible. That way, you will look

like you got everything in control. If your sub-ordinate messes up, make sure you have anemail and memo trail which can be traced tohim. And one of those emails should be fromyou to him reminding him of the importanceof the work. When your immediate boss useshis authority to slow down the pace of your work, make sure there is an email from youto him "requesting" for further assistance,and of course copy to the" relevant" people int h e o f f i c e .

In the dog eat dog of corporate office poli-

tics where your head can become a step-ping stone for others, where getting rid of potential competition is the norm, wheredragging other people's name thru the madmakes you look good, where a smile issomething to be weary of, where allianceswith the devil are common place,the unspoken rule is to , repeat after me,Cover thy Ass!!!!

By Kasana Andrew -

All my life, i have been told one thing: Be a

Man. Own up! how my erstwhile good inten-tioned teachers would cringe if they knew thatthe undisputed rule in the office is Cover thyAss!!! When given work and something goeswrong, find out why it went wrong and moreimportantly, who caused it to go wrong andeven more importantly, be the FIRST to reportit up the chain of command. Even when it isyour fault, be the FIRST to report it up to your supervisor and copy it to as many people who

O f f i c e t h i n g s : E x h i b i t 1

L e s s o n s f r o m t h e o f f i c e :C o v e r T h y A s s ! ! ! !

P a g e 3


4/9


5/9

employee how the company is running bankrupt, implying that the employees

earn miserly wages or go without salariesfor some months. This on the other handpushes the employee to care less aboutthe company. Question is who is to beblamed of the two and is it true that theemployee is not competent to performthe tasks he was engaged for?

Lets try shifting the blame for a while;may be this is all caused by the con-sumer who is not willing to buy the com-modities and services, perhaps it is themanagement who are corrupt and ag-ing , or its the employees who forsaketheir responsibilities to part-time elsewhere for an extra income or is it theeconomy and polices that cut across theentire globe without any country having control over them. Which is which? Ibelieve all of the above parties have apoint for not supporting productivity. Oneof my hobbies is watching television andI recall watching a few episodes of Ap-prentice Africa in which we had some of our country men participate. One lesson Igot from this show was that most of the

eviction that occurred involved leaders. Thereason that was given is a leader has to

remain focused for goals to be achieved.From the blame shifting, me personal opin-ion is that all parties are to be blamed, butone should be blamed more and that is theleader. If the leader is competent then thebusiness would as well blossom; but this isnot the case and for one reason or another,it is reflected in the incompetency's of theemployees. why ? Because incompetentleadership recruits incompetent employees .To a greater extent, this implies that the fewcompetent employees have to bear the in-

adequacies' of the incompetent.Finally , it is my view that you should alwayshave plan B when you are in a working envi-ronment that is not edifying you becausetime and talents killed are never reborn.

Written by Kwagalakwe David Kintu.TheWritten by Kwagalakwe David Kintu.TheWritten by Kwagalakwe David Kintu.TheWritten by Kwagalakwe David Kintu.TheWriter is an assistant lecturer at MountainsWriter is an assistant lecturer at MountainsWriter is an assistant lecturer at MountainsWriter is an assistant lecturer at Mountains

of the Moon University Fort Portal.of the Moon University Fort Portal.of the Moon University Fort Portal.of the Moon University Fort Portal.

O f D r e a m s , l e a d e r s a n d p l a n s

P a g e 5 V o l u m e 1 , I s s u e 1

Every one had a dream of becoming great when they were young. The

dreams differ from one person to an-other, but one thing remains true andthat is we all dreamed big. Just as Clayin the potters hand so are dreams in ourminds. They keep changing from time totime depending on the prevailing cir-cumstances. Focusing on circum-stances, don't they have power over ourminds? We plan to do A and yet endup doing B because of the prevailing circumstances. Why does this happen ?Is it because we are undisciplined more

especially to time or just can not followup our dreams? Is this the cause of un-productivity and collapsing of busi-nesses? Anyway the floor is open fordebate!! Many managers complainabout their employees unproductive-ness and yet they can not sack thembecause the competent ones are tooexpensive. This has resulted into com-placency for both parties i.e. employerand employee.

The employer tightens the budget andgoes an extra mile of assuring the

smother weeds. Pineapples take 18 24 months tobear fruit and the same plant can thereafter bear apineapple every six months for 10 years. About sixsuckers can be harvested from each plant each timeit bears fruit. These suckers can then either beplanted or sold , maybe both. Pineapples are not la-

bour intensive since about 5 people can look after 10to 12 acres comfortably. Pineapples can also beintercropped with others like maize, mangos etc.

Daniel Malinga (MOFPED) The writer is a pineap-ple farmer and upcoming economist.

R E T I R E M E N T W A T C H : P I N E A P P L E S

Pineapples are rarely mentioned as a top money earner.Yet they are for some and can be for you. An acre canaccommodate up to ten thousand (10,000) suckers. I re-peat 10,000!!! The current going rate for buying a suckeris 60ugx and the least you can get for a pineapple on thelocal market is 400ugx. Local market has demand for

huge pineapples. The more suckers you grow on an acrethe smaller the pineapples. European markets prefersmall organic pineapples. The choice really is yours. Pine-apples can grow in almost any type of soil. The landshould be relatively flat and there should be no shade.Pineapples are not water intensive and do not have to bewatered . Vigilant weeding has to be done regularly. Cof-fee husks are the best type of recommended organicmanure because they not only nurture the soil but also


6/9

There is this here my friendwith the fictional name of sayDaniel. He works in a prestig-ious multinational companythat really doesn't pay himthat well but its all good. Hewouldn't mind leaving butthere is a problem. He has topay his employer in order toquit. Yes. He has to pay hisemployers when he wants toquit. There is a little piece of paper he signed that was anaddendum to his contract. Ina few words, it stated that for

whatever training he under-goes, if he tries to leavewithin a two year period afterany train-ing, hehas to payup to amaximumof 100% or a minimum of 25% of the total cost the companyspent on him. Which wouldnot be too bad if they didn'tkeep giving him training inSouth Africa, America ,

Europe. Expenses involvedamount to the thousands of dollars. Over ten times the sal-

ary. For the com-pany, they havefound a greatway to keep em-ployees hookedinto the system.

For the employee, it just meansthat you are a slave for life.Some organizations encourageemployees to get special tai-lored loans which are tied di-rectly to being employed. In

FUN SITES TO RELIEVE STRESSFUN SITES TO RELIEVE STRESSFUN SITES TO RELIEVE STRESSFUN SITES TO RELIEVE STRESS

WWW.LIVESCIENCE.COM

WWW.IAMBORED.COM

WWW.SOYOUTHINKYOUKNOWFOOTBALL.COM

gest chapatti possibly available in the world. Amazingly, thealmighty bell beer tastes even sweeter with a superior view of Elgon ranges in a distance.

Whats puzzling is that every street we by-passed is almostthe same with building matching each other on either sides.But just incase you are lost never forget to trace your bearing from the clock tower roundabout.

In search of a night life club oasis should do, fortunately orunfortunately there isnt a VIP section yet but instead of localrhymes I expected to find, it was an upright treat to some T.I

jams. To add to that it was a ladies night so I had no problemgetting boogie Company leaving me craving. Unfortunately Ihad to retire to the hotel.

Since my presence in the town was not a personal visit hadto get back to my sent purpose and shortly after set back toKampala and if anything, Mbale is a remarkable place to be.

Written by Philip Odoi (MTN)Written by Philip Odoi (MTN)Written by Philip Odoi (MTN)Written by Philip Odoi (MTN) Photo by Muguruki

I always knew what I needed to know about Mbale ,say Mt.Elgon being the 7th highest point on the African continent. But Iddint know about Mbale..

First stop Mbale resort hotel , not yet a rated facility but one isimpressed by the serenity and panorama that may not be foundin the notable 5 star hotels back in Kampala. Fairly a small

place with a health club and a gym ,apparently the only one inthe whole district

In a quick drive to town ,I couldnt wait to get my stomach filledwith some local flavor at oldest and most popular restaurant inMbale known as Mukwano restaurant . Skeptical about thestaple food Malewa (bamboo shoot) . I just stuck to the ordi-nary and I think the Guinness book is missing out on the big-

W h a t s i n y o u r c o n t r a c t

P a g e 6

A D A Y A T W O R K : C S R I N M B A L E

He has to pay his

employer in order to

quit.

case you want to leave,you are hit with hiddeninterest which you wontpay if you stay with thecompany.

Have you read your con-tract properly? Are thereclauses which are deathtraps? Next time beforeyou sign, make sure youread the fine print. In thelong run, it may be eas-ier to just say no.

By WorkBy WorkBy WorkBy Work----Zine ReporterZine ReporterZine ReporterZine Reporter

W o r k - z i n e


7/9

Im supposed to write something, so he says, something sensible, hesaid, something geeky he suggested, I guess that means Im not sup-posed to ramble on and on and on about well, nothing in particular.Thats not a problem is it? You dont mind reading about nothing, doyou? It not like this is going to become a regular column or anything, its

just a hopeful e-zine editor looking up a burned up writer with a severecase of writers block to fill up an empty space in this e-zine thingy...should have gotten an ad of sorts if you ask me, even an ad for the e-zine itself

While we are on the topic, you do know what an e-zine is, right? Imean, it would be pretty pitiful if you did not, you are reading it. But justin case, cuz Im tired of people going an e- what now? e-zine peo-ple, e-zine. I dont even know what this ones called come to think of it,but air times too precious to try and figure out such a tiny detail. Mydictionary defines e-zine as a website with a magazine lay out (I couldhave just pasted the entire entry, but that would have required me toput down credits or whatever they call them, this is Uganda, no onerespects Intellectual property rights, so I give you half the definition andwe call it square, but thats beside the point.) Clearly thats not what thisthingy thing is, not an e-zine I mean, but for claritys sake lets just call itthat.

See, apparently our dear Editor, who I assume you all know and love*ahem* (sore throat, seriously), got it into his head that all you poor sobs who work with computers but havent figured out a way to accessanything online besides your mail needed to know whats going on inthe internet world. (Youre not missing much, clearly, otherwise Idactually have something to write.) Unfortunately he seems to havequalms about letting you really know whats going on, I mean, I haventeven smelt the infamous Zain photos, just heard enough about them toget me curious. (btw, if you havent heard about them, then you reallyare living in the dark ages, cuz I live on the outer reaches of the inter-net, you know, where no one uses their real name, 1337 actually

means something and the pretty avatar youre chatting with could be

just about anyone, even yourself, or even worse, our dear Editor,and I have heard about them (the pictures I mean, ever been in achat room? I mean, the old chat rooms where 20 different peoplewere holding 36 different conversations with each other and stillsomehow making sense of it, thats how you might have to readthis its not really an article is it? But then, we are calling this an e-zine, so what the hell. (That does make sense; I know it does, to me

anyway.))! I havent seen them, but Ive heard about themJ)(My, but that was a spectacularly long paragraph, just been lookingthrough it again and even I dont quite understand it, and I can un-derstand some programming mind you, I mean, just what is thatexclamation mark doing outside two layers of brackets? And thewhole thing looks like one huge impenetrable jungle of a sentencefrom out here, kinda like Africa to the civilized world (yes, I meanthe quotes, read them out loud if you have to.))

So he comes to people like me, and of course darling hime-sama,wonder what shes written about, she seemed all concerned aboutbeing all prim and proper, you know, writing something that madesense about something that actually mattered. Lucky for me, I haveno such qualms, so you get stuck with this drivel. (Very good quality

drivel if you ask me, better than a good long swig of Ug, you know,the kind that has you going hssss, arhhhh!!!(yes, I was just sound-ing that out.).)

Are you still reading this? You should have scanned through andturned the page by now, cuz Ive seriously run out of stuff to rambleon about, pretty soon Im going to have to break into song. Ah, wait,even I wouldnt be able to stand that, so I guess this is where I penoff, keyboard off, or whatever they call it in this digital age.

Till next time, Sayonara (literally).

By Brian B. Coutinho. The writer is insanely bored, intelligent ,writing a book , owns a company and hosts game-night.

i. theyre bored.ii. theyre idleiii. their internet is faulty, thus they cannot open pagesswiftly as they would like so as to research on more constructive topics. So they stick to their home page (facebook), andoccasionally check their e-mail.iv. their bosses take them to bevery hard working, hence theydont feel the need to put inany more effort and there is no promotion looming in the near future, forgetting that they donot have any qualifications for that non-existent promotion,maybe front desk managerialservices.v. they do not get paid wellenough to actually work hard.

That was how stuck I was. Abidasked me to write an article aboutwork, and here I was, the master blogger on penmanship! the bank-robber of poetry, the master sculptor person of rhythm and rhymes,stuck!! I mean, I am the Jack Bauer, the Scorfield, the Chuck Norris, theInspector Clusoeur, kwegamba, theone they always call upon when things have failed. So I decided to take a few minutes and think,what do bored people like to readabout. I mean, every single personwho will get to read this article is of course a liability to the company for which they work cuz they cannever find something constructive to do to boost sales. So what wouldan idle person, soon to be disorderlywant to know? So I decided to first try an understand such a person.

Before I could finish listing my findings, I realised I was writinabout myself, so I stopped to think again (I rarely do that cuz can mean work, and like I said, I dont get paid well enough)might take this as an insult, I mean, of all people Abid could caupon, was I the one who would definitely have a lot to write abOr worse still, did he just want me to jot down the story of my wedays? (Just hold on a sec while I go face book him and get an aswer.)I must say, he has indeed convinced me that I am the best writ that he has come across and a week without my writing is likwinter without snow (Obamas inaugural speech and Michael Jacson (the late) with a proper nose) I will therefore do my best nodisappoint and come back probably a week later with somethi perfect. Then again, if its not perfect, I could just be like Picawho is considered a great artist he could not draw anything right! Abid to S.Kelly: Yah, its ok.S.Kelly to Abid: ITS OK!!!!!!!!! ITS JUST FREAKOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Sara A. Kelly By Sara A. Kelly By Sara A. Kelly By Sara A. Kelly

E - Z i n e ? ? S e r i o u s l y ! ! !

M a y b e f r o n t d e s k m a n a g e r i a l s e r v i c e s

P a g e 7 idlers corner


8/9

Faith Lesley (PWC) and friends are going tocelebrate life with Mongolian at KabiraCountry Club on Friday 3rd July at 6pm.Come with 40k.

Transformers 2 is showing at Cineplex. NSSF is having a departmental party on

4th July. Someone please invite me Hire Edward (AIG) will be hosting a cash-

flow game session on Sunday 12th July .The game is based on the best-selling RichDad Poor Dad book series

Rita Bitariho is having kwanjula meetingsevery Friday at Link Bar in Wandegeya at6pm

Brian B. Coutinho hosts game-night everyFriday in Wandegeya. Warcraft, cards, om-weso, scrabble, monopoly and everything else. Come with your laptop and cable fornetwork games

Join Andrew and pals every Sunday atMUBS for football at 2pm

E VENTS , ADS AND EVERYTHING ELSE

If you still haven't got it, this isthe deal. Get into a car or twoor three, drive to Nakumatt ataround midnight. Buy whateverdrinks you want . Go to theparking lot, open the car doors,turn up the volume and have ablast till the sun come up. Incase you need refills, just popinto the supermarket. To ease

yourself, go upstairs. If it startsraining, drive to the lower base-ment or huddle in the car.

Written by Owori KentWritten by Owori KentWritten by Owori KentWritten by Owori Kent DataSoftDataSoftDataSoftDataSoft

Before you claw my eyes out,first hear me out. Salient pointsabout Nakumatt :

its open 24 hours with al-ways someone to serve youat any ungodly hour.

Cheapest drink section intown. Wines , whiskys ,beers and sodas at very

affordable prices. Crisps and other eatables

are available all the time.Variety too

Security: Need I say more

And most importantly of all:a huge parking lot that be-comes empty past midnight.

THE groom promised totell them the story of allthe places he had lived upif they collected a certainamount. Target wasreached and this is whathe said: I used to live inNabbinonya when I was

younger. Then I moved toNankulabye. I can assure

you it was frustrating.Some times I even went toKaberebere. when I gotbolder I moved to Mpoma.But I still wanted more.So I decided to shift toGgaba. This was definitelythe best place to live. Igot addicted. There were

H O T H A N G O U T :

N A K U M A T T

P a g e 8 V o l u m e 1 , I s s u e 1

W E D D I N GM E E T I N G : G R O O M S

S P E E C H

times when I would rushto Lugazi to make it moreenriching. And right now,the reason we are here isbecause I have decided tomove to Abayita Ababiri.And that is my story. Andhe sat down to deafeningapplause from the guys

and puzzled looks fromthe women.(If you don't understandthis story, just revise yourLuganda.)

Submitted by Norman -Warid

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to think am desperate I told her I would be back, with thehope and pretext that I could catch her later and get her number. Just as I was walking away, she managed to con-vince me how she could leave soonHaving run out of ideas, and lost for words, I wondered how to make her stay. But this one was intelligent. She asked for my phoneand told me as she dug her well manicured nails into myKabiriti, Call me!

That was 3 weeks ago, and as I sat to tell George andKeno my luck with this damsel, we hadsome spent some crazy and lovely timebetween the sheets several times now.Having told the entire story to my boys,George looked on in amazement, but trustKeno, he was not moved. He grinned andpatted me on the back and said, The chickvibed you! I tried to defend myself andefforts, but Keno put together word by

word. He explained, the very essence of women, how she

had done her magic and homeworkit was me thatplayed according to her scriptNot that it made it any lessenjoyable but there is that feeling of outsmarted andvibed that took away the credit to this laydamn, chickscan also vibe!

Desert Whisperer Huawei. The writer hates desertsand whispering. Maybe he likes desserts!!!

Its the third Saturday in a row I have seen this chick. LastSato, she was at BBQ Lounge, the one before, am sure itwas Kla Rugga Club. The one before, 2.36am, just Kicking,Kisementi. Am not mistaken she is the same one, spottingthat gap between her front teeth, giving her a rabbit-like lookbut with great appeal Now, tonight was not like other nights, where we are always out to score and get laid. To-night, am sure that, even if I say hi, it will be enough for meto start with next time I espy her. I recall telling the guys thatI am going for a leak, and a quick de-tour placed me right in the path of where she was standing. Weak kneeswere not gonna take down my tower-ing and hunkish frameI reachedher, and just before I could say any-thing, she spoke out, Hey, took you awhile, huh? You good?

Lost for words like a tipper going up-hill, I managed to claim, it was quite a distance. She re-plied, So, are you gonna buy me a drink, or wait for me to

ask?. I was almost caught off guard easily recalling how Ialmost walked out of the house with narra dimes, only torecall how big a liar George can be when he says the drinksare on him. I recalled seeing her drink Smirnoff, kind of drinkthat her kind would appreciate. The waiter Id sent does themagic in record time while I was sneaking in some smalltalk. Recalling what my player friend Keno told me, I didnot want to spend too much time with her. I wanted her not

L I F E S T O R Y : W h o s V i b i n g w h o ? ? ?

She is the same one, spotting that gapbetween her front teeth, giving her a

rabbit-like look but with great appeal

that he is, dives straight into a jazz Improvisationwith his band around the B flat minor Chord and really

tears the place apart.The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of histechnical expertise. The little old man jumps up again."No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord!"Well nowtruly irritated that this little guy doesn't seem to ap-

preciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him fromthe stage "OK, mister, you get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takeshold of the mic and starts to sing... "A jazz chord

to say I ruv you..."

Joshua Nkurunziza (UK)

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Uganda at theWhite Horse Inn and the place is absolutely packed to

the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audi-ence, He asks if anyone would like him to play a request.A little old mukiga man jumps out of his seat in thefirst row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a

Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influencesin Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario startsto play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult

jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes thewhole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again

and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz

chord."A bit irritated by this, Stevie, being the Professional

H U M O U R C E N T R A L : A J A Z Z C H O R D

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Work Zine Vol Issue 1