II. SOAP

Later, he would often think that their relationship was rather odd, in that it was always out of order.

He wouldnt be able to explain it, but it would seem as if things always happened in an unusual way, in reverse. If asked for a particular event to explain what he meant, he would always talk about their first kiss. Usually, a kiss came after a date. But for them, it came before.

.oOo.

Its the Christmas holidaysthe first Christmas holidays after Voldemorts return. Harry, Hermione and the Weasley children have returned from Hogwarts, and Grimmauld Place is practically overflowing with people. Its good for Sirius, Remus thinksafter all, hes always cooped up alone in this mansion filled with memories hed rather forget. But Remus himself doesnt like being constantly surrounded by people.

Hes always been one of the solitary types, the kind who prefers to sit in on a Sunday night with a warm cup of tea and a particularly good book. Its something he became accustomed to during the thirteen years he spent alone in his tiny London apartment, two best friends dead and one in Azkaban. He rarely went out during those years, for there was no one to meet.

The revival of the Order has changed all that. Its like he has a family again, people who he can trust, people whose company he can enjoy. And he loves it, he does, but sometimes it all gets too much and he needs his time alone again, just a few moments.

Thats why he volunteers to do the dishes that night. Kreachers been caught sneaking off with the silverware, so Sirius has stopped him from washing up. Remus seizes the opportunity itll give him valuable time alone. So hes somewhat surprised when he ventures into the kitchen and sees someone already standing over the sink.

Tonks looks up and grins at him. I thought Id help, she says. We can get it done faster if there are two of us.

He ignores the strange, bubbly feeling in his stomach that hes been getting a lot lately. Hes spent a lot of time with the pink-haired witchtheyve been paired up often on patrols or on other Order business, and he thinks hes gotten to know her fairly well. Shes a lovely person, full of life and lots of fun. And she isnt biasedshe found out about his affliction not long after they met and to her credit, shes never treated him differently because of it.

Shes a good friend, he thinks. Nothing more.

Hes been telling himself this a lot lately and that itself is evidence enough that it is not nothing more. Every time he looks at her, he notices something different about her, from the way the sides of her eyes crinkle when she smiles, to the way her nose twitches slightly when she finds something funny. And every new observation sends a shivery feeling down his spine, weighs heavily on his stomach.

But he ignores it. What else can he do? Hes too dangerous, too old, too poor. Even if hes not being fully honest with himself about his feelings for her, he knows that he wants her to be happy.

Hes been silent a long while and he supposes hes got a bit of an odd look on his face because she cocks her head at him and says, Are you okay with that? I mean, I can go if youd rather do them alone?

Huh? Hes startled and breaks out of his thoughts. No. No, I mean, its fine. I dont mind.

Here, Ill wash and you dry. She hands him a dripping plate and taking out his wand, he casts a spell that dries it instantly.

Im surprised Mollys letting you do the dishes at all, he comments. Her clumsiness has become something of a legend around the house and shes rarely trusted with any kind of household chores that involve breakables.

She doesnt know, Tonks replies with a slight blush. He notices the way that the colour remains localizedit stays on her cheeks and doesnt spread to other parts of her face. I thought maybe if I didnt break anything, I could prove to her that I can be useful around the house.

Admirable.

So Im trying to be extra careful.

As she says this, she hands him a tall glass, the kind thats got patterns intricately carved into the crystal and looks as if it cost a fortune. The soap hasnt been completely washed off, and suds still linger on its exterior. As Remus grasps it, Tonks lets go and it slides from his hand and shatters on the marble floor.

She stares at the glass with wide eyes. Oh, crud. She points her wand towards the glass and attempts to use Reparo to put it back together again. The pieces spring together in a semblance of their original shape before crumbling to the floor again.

Thats okay. Remus is quick to placate her, whipping out his wand and muttering, Reparo under his breath. The glass springs back together and stays that way. It was all my fault. He picks up the glass and places it safely on the counter-top.

No, it wasnt, she admonishes him. It was all minedidnt get the soap off, did I? Gosh, why am I so useless?

He doesnt think shes useless, not at all. In fact, shes already proven herself quite useful, gaining the Order key intel and proving instrumental in patrols. Her morphing skills have come in handy more than once and hes sure that theyll continue to do so, particularly if they ever need to infiltrate any kind of secure building or organization.

You arent, he tells her, matter-of-factly.

Youre too nice, she says playfully. No, really, I cant do any kind of household chores. My mother wonders how Im going to land myself a husband if I cant even wash the dishes without breaking something.

My mother had quite the same issue. Remus grins. I was hopeless at laundry when I was young. She didnt know I was going to get myself a wife.

We can grow old together, she suggests, laughing. Be like those ladies who lives with lots of cats, except well have each other as well as all the cats.

He shudders. I hate cats.

No! she exclaims. How can you hate cats?

Theyre such deceptive little creatures!

She throws soap suds at him.

Hey! he shouts. Just because I dont like cats? He gathers up some of the foam from the sink and launches it back at her, along with a few drops of icy water. She lets out a scream.

You take that back! She launches more soap at him

You started it!

She starts scrambling for more soap in the sink, so he exclaims, Watch out, youll break the plates!

Ill break them anyway!

Thats likely.

Hey! she shouts, but a wicked smile appears on her face. You know, now that you mention being bad at laundry, that shirt of yours really does need a wash.

He realizes what shes about to do. Tonks, no.

With a devilish laugh, she points her wand at him and releases a stream of icy cold water. It hits him square in the chest, drenching him, and he yells out. Thats cold!

Its supposed to be!

Give me that wand!

Never!

He doesnt quite know what hes doing, but suddenly hes chasing her around the kitchen as she runs away from him, laughing. Her wand is pointing all over the place, drenching the walls and the floor and even her.

He finally catches hold of her, his arms around her waist and she collapses against him, laughing, out of breath. Theyre both soaked, their clothes stuck to their skin, their hair stringy and divided. She turns to face him and suddenly, it hits him just how close she is to him.

The intimacy of their situation seems to have struck her as well and her smile fades a little. Her eyes meet his and linger there for a long moment and before he knows what hes doing, hes kissing her.

He doesnt quite know what possessed him to do it; all he knows that it feels right. She quickly responds to the kissher arms wrap around his neck, her hands are in his hair just as his are in hers. Hes not sure how long they stay like that, but eventually they pull apart and he realizes what hes done.

He knows instantly that its a mistake. How can she love him? The same chorus of voices plays in his headhes too old, too poor, too dangerous. So when she says, Remus, he averts his gaze.

I have to go. The words come out quickly, garbled. He turns and leaves her standing there, in the middle of the chaotic kitchen.

Its better for both of them this way, he tells himself.

He knows, deep down, that its a lie.