HOW TO HELP STUDENTS OVERCOME PERFECTIONISM & FEAR OF FAILURE
EMPOWER, ENHANCE & ENCOURAGE
Cara Wiley, Brigham Young University
Amy Soto, Brigham Young University
Johanna Jacobs, Vrije Universiteit Brussel
Katrien Vanderstappen, Vrije Universiteit Brussel
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
PERFECTIONISM
Perfectionism is defined as the striving for
flawlessness. Extreme perfectionism is
wanting to be perfect in all aspects of life.
-Flett & Hewitt (2002)
DEFINITION
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
PERFECTIONISM
“Perfectionists do not just set high, often rigid,
standards for themselves in a particular domain;
they are oriented toward the process of evaluation.
Life is a series of quizzes, tests, and final exams,
and their name is always at the top of the report
card.” - Tangney, 2002, p. 199
DEFINITION
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
PERFECTIONISM & FEAR OF FAILURE
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
FEAR OF FAILURE
“A dispositional tendency to avoid failure in
achievement settings, because the
humiliation and embarrassment of failure is
perceived to be overwhelming”
Elliott & Thrash, 2004, p. 958
DEFINITION
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
MODEL
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
WHOLENESS
Brené Brown (2010) defines wholeness as
“wholehearted living” and states that it “is about
engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It
means cultivating courage, compassion, and connection to
wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets
done and how much is left undone, I am enough…
Wholehearted living is not a one time choice. It is a
process.”
DEFINITION
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
GROUP ACTIVITY
EXAMPLES OF PERFECTIONISM AND WHOLENESS
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLYECIjmnQs&t=1s
THE COGNITIVE TRIANGLE
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Moment 0 Moment 1 Moment 2 Moment 3
Person 1 Person 2 Person 3 Person 4
STRESS MEASURING
A B M N R S H I
C D O P T U J K
M N A B H I R S
O P C D J K T U
R S H I A B M N
T U J K C D O P
H I R S M N A B
J K T U O P C D
THE COGNITIVE TRIANGLE
THOUGHTS – FEELINGS - BEHAVIOUR
THE COGNITIVE TRIANGLE
CLASS EXERCISE
Situation Thoughts Feelings Behaviour
Home alone–sound
Oral exam–yawning examiner
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
All-or-nothing“All my results have to be perfect, I can’t
fail”
Unachievable standards – never feeling satisfied
THOUGHTS
THINKING ERRORS
Catastrophizing
Discounting the positive
“If I make a mistake, I will fail my internship”
“I stuttered duringthe presentation,
which means it was bad”
Constant worrying -feeling exhausted
Frustration – never feeling good enough
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
THOUGHTS
THINKING ERRORS
Emotional reasoning
Mind-reading
“I am anxious and I feel horrible, so
something must be wrong”
“That guy thinks I’m dumb because I answered the
question wrong”
Feeling hopeless and helpless
Low self-esteem
Should statements
“I should be working, not taking the nightoff! I should have done this by now!”
Pushing yourself –feeling disappointed
in yourself and others
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
Unfair comparisons“If my sister got an A+ on her test, so
must I”
Feeling inadequate –feeling isolated
THOUGHTS
THINKING ERRORS
False expectations“I’m only a good
student if I never fail an exam”
Feeling disappointed
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
Help your students become aware of their thinking errors
Practicing your conversation skills might help you with this!
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
CONVERSATION SKILLS
RELIABILITY & AUTHENTICITY
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
CONVERSATION SKILLS
RESPECT
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
CONVERSATION SKILLS
EMPATHY
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
SYMPATHY
VS
EMPATHY
VIDEO:
BRENE BROWN
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
Empower, Enhance & EncourageVideo Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QT6FdhKriB8&t=3s
EMPATHY VIDEO:
DISNEY’S
INSIDE OUT
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
CONVERSATION SKILLS
PRESENT & REALLY LISTENING
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
CONVERSATION SKILLS
VERIFY
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
CONVERSATION SKILLS
SENSITIVITY
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
Invites a person to think before answering with an explanation.
Cannot be answered by yes or no or a simple answer.
Examples:
- What brings you here today?- How has this problem affected your day-to-day life?- Where do you think the path you are on is leading you?- What do you most value in life right now?- How do you hope I might be able to help you?- Tell me more about….
CONVERSATION SKILLS
OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
Feelings
FEELINGS
EMOTIONS - PHYSICAL
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
Help your students find more balance in their life
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
FEELINGS
COPING
Mental HealthPhysical HealthSocial Support
STRESSORS
Demands/ObligationsLife Events
Problems
LIFE IN BALANCE
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
FEELINGS
COPING
Mental HealthPhysical HealthSocial Support
STRESSORS
Demands/ObligationsLife Events
Problems
LIFE IN BALANCE
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
Help your students invest in adequate coping strategies
STRESS MANAGEMENT COPING WITH STRESS
Exercise
Take a break
Talk it out
Lift weights
Cry
Punching bag
Have fun
Do hobbies
Write it out
Play/Listen to music
Use relaxation techniques
Enjoy Nature
Etc.
Th
e G
oo
d
Th
e B
ad
Th
e U
gly
Avoid tasks
Shut down emotionally
Drive recklessly
Criticize self
Blame others
Overwork
Excessive use of video
games, internet or TV
Emotional eating
Etc.
Yell at friends or family
Hit others or animals
Numb-out with alcohol/drugs
Road rage
Pick a fight
Injure self
Addiction or compulsive
behaviors
Etc.
STRESS MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES
Stress Management
techniques
Exercise
Nutrition
Sleep
Relaxation techniques
Meditation
Guided imagery
Progressive muscle
relaxation
Breathing techniques
Aromatherapy
Massage
Pet therapy
Music therapy
Art therapy
Hypnotherapy
* May need to refer to professional
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
FEELINGS
BREATHING EXERCISE
https://caps.byu.edu/relaxation-recordings
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
BEHAVIOUR
ADEQUATE GOALS
HAVE TO“I need to study tonight, but I have to visit my
grandmother”
WANT TO“I have set my priorities. Tonight I will study
chapter 2 in my book. Aftwerwards I will call my grandmother and ask to see her later this week”
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
BEHAVIOUR
ADEQUATE GOALS
RESULT“I will only be satisfied when I have passed this
class”
TASK“When I’m in class, I try to take notes. At home I try to focus on finding and understanding the
structure of the course. During the exams I focus on rehearsing and revising.”
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
BEHAVIOUR
ADEQUATE GOALS
VAGUE“I want to be well prepared for the next
session”
SPECIFIC“I will fill out my notes from class, redo the
exercise and read the chapter in the textbook”
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
BEHAVIOUR
ADEQUATE GOALS
EXTREME“I’m not very good at this course. I should know the whole textbook by heart by the end of the semester”
ACHIEVABLE“This course is not my cup of tea. I will make time to fill in the blanks in my notes, ask questions about what I
don’t understand, and try to find answers in my textbook”
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
Help your students be SMART
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
S Specific
M Measurable
A Achievable
R Realistic
T Timed
SMART GOALS
Create a SMART Goal
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
Invest in your students’ study skills
STUDY SKILLS
Time management
Notetaking
Reading
Memory
Test preparation
Test taking
Goal setting
Communication
http://college.cengage.com/masterstudent/series/becoming_a_master_student/12e/assets/students/protected/discovery_wheel/discovery_wheel.html
http://college.cengage.com/masterstudent/series/becoming_a_master_student/12e/assets/students/protected/discovery_wheel/discovery_wheel.html
Empower, Enhance & Encourage
FINAL EXERCISE
ROLEPLAY
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE!
QUESTIONS?
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REFERENCES