For Survivors of Fallen Firefighters

May/juNe 2012 ISSue 48

usiccanaffectourmood,instantlytakeusback30years,remindusofasignificantevent,calmusafter

atryingday.Mostofusprobablyhaveaplaylistofsongsthatareassociatedwithspecificpeopleandeventsinourlives.

Likemanythings,musiccantakeonevengreatermeaningafteralovedonehasdied.Itcanprovideasenseofcontinuedconnectionandhelpexpresswhatmaybedifficulttoconveyinyourownwords.Doanyofthesestrikeachordwithyou?

M u s i c e x p r e s s e s t h a t w h i c h c a n n o t b e s a i d a n d o n w h i c h i t i s i m p o s s i b l e t o b e s i l e n t .

~Victor Hugo

I was doing OK, hadn’t cried in a week, and then “our song” came on the radio and I just lost it.

Every time I’m having a rough day, I hear a song that reminds me of my son. It’s like he’s sending me a reminder to smile.

I can handle anything except bagpipes. That music just makes me too sad.

Inthisissue,survivorssharehowmusichasplayedapartintheirpersonaljourneys.

By Mary Hales, wife of Robert a. Hales (2008-OR)

M

usedtoteaseRobertandsayIhadonlymarriedhimbecauseheownedalbumsIwanted.

Ourlifewasnearlyalwayssettoasoundtrackofourfeelings.Manyofourhappymemorieswerepunctuatedwithmusic.Infact,Iwalkeddowntheaisletothesong“SweetChildO’Mine”byGunsN’Roses.Whenourfirstdaughterwasborn,welaughedanddancedtoGarthBrooks’“TwoofaKindWorkin’OnaFullHouse.”JustlikeDonnyandMariewewere“ALittleBitCountry,ALittleBitRock‘NRoll.”

WhenweboughtourfirstCDplayerandgotitallhookedup,werealizedwedidn’townanyCDs.So,backtothestorewewentandboughtaCD

I wealreadyhadonarecordbecauseithad“OurSong.”Wedancedintothenightwiththegirlsto“TimeinaBottle”byJimCroce.

OneofthefondestmemoriesmyyoungestdaughterhasofmusicwithherDadisusgirlssinginganddancingalongtoBillyRayCyrus’“AchyBreakyHeart”andherDaddymakingdisgustedfacesbeforefallingtothefloor,groaning.

ThefirstmorningafterRobertdiedIcriedandscreamedwhilelisteningtoPeterGabriel’s“IGrieve.”Then,sadly,weopenedRobert’smemorialwith“TimeinaBottle.”A

friendgavemeRoseanneCash’sBlackCadillac,andIhave

The memorial service held for Robert A. Hales by his family

continued on page 2

2 The Journey Issue48•May/June2012

listenedtoitoverandoverforthepastcoupleofyears.ShewrotethesongsonthatCDafterthedeathofherfather.Ihavefoundcomfortfromherlyricstimeandagain.

OnthethirdanniversaryofRobert’sdeath,thegirlsandIheldamemorialatthefirestation.Afterwehadeachsaidourpiece,theentiregroupreleasedwhiteballoonstothesong“WhoKnew”byPink.Idoubtmanypeopleatthememorialunderstoodthelyrics,buttheyareverypoignanttothegirlsandme.

If someone said three years from now

You’d be long gone

I’d stand up and punch them out

Cause they’re all wrong

I know better

‘Cause you said forever

And ever

Who knew?

~Pink,MaxMartin,&LukaszGottwald

Musiccontinued from page 1

By Kerry L. Carpenter, brother of Randall Carpenter (2002-OR)

arlyin2006,whilereturningtoEasternOregonfromameeting,IstoppedfordinnerandrestattheEagle

CrestResortinRedmond,Oregon,whereforovertwoyearsmybrother,CaptainRandyCarpenter,mybrotherBrad,andotherfamilymembershadworkedtobuildahomethatwascentrallylocatedinOregonforfamilyevents.

Asithappened,averytalentedperformer/songwriternamedLindyGravellewassingingtherethatnight.Itoccurredtometoaskifshewouldconsiderwritingasongaboutfirefightersandwhattheydo.Ialsoasked,ifpossible,couldthesongincludementionofmybrotherRandy,whodiedinthelineofdutyonNovember25,2002,andhisdedicationtothefireservice?Lindyimmediatelysaid,“No!”Butafewweekslater,Lindycalledandsaidshewantedtogivethesongatry.ShespentagreatdealoftimeresearchingandinterviewingthefireserviceaswellaslearningabouttheroleRandylivedatCoosBayFire&Rescue.

Asaresult,thesong“FallenBrother”waspubliclyperformedforthefirsttimeatourannualgolftournamentbanquetinJuneofthatyear.Ican’tfullyexplainhow

powerful“FallenBrother”is,butittrulystirstheheartandremindsusoftheamazingcommitmentofourfireservice

heroes.Partofmybrother’slegacyisthere,too.

Lindycontinuedtoperform“FallenBrother,”anditwassowellreceivedshedecidedtoincludeitonher2006CD“TheHighRoad.”InNovemberofthatyear,“FallenBrother”wasalsoaverymovingpartofthededicationceremonyfortheFirefightersMemorialinCoosBay,Oregon.Todaythesongcontinuestohonorthememoryandsacrificeofourfallenfirefighterbrothersandsisterseverywhere.

InJuneofthisyear,Lindywillonceagainperform“FallenBrother”duringourbanquetforthe10thannualRandyCarpenterMemorialGolfTournament,wherewehope

tocontinueoureffortstoraisefundstosupportfirefightertrainingandeducation.

TheRandyCarpenterMemorialFoundationwasfoundedin2003tosupportfirefightertrainingandeducationexpensewhereneededwhentraditionalresourceswereunavailable.WhiletheFoundationreceivessignificantsupportfrommanygenerousindividuals,themajorityof

Randall Carpenter

E

TheNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation 3

ourrevenueisasaresultofseveralgolftournamentsheldthroughoutourregion.We’veenjoyedincrediblesupportinourmission.TheRandyCarpenterMemorialFoundationhasgrantedover$155,000insupportoffirefightertrainingsinceRandywaskilled.

yhusband,JamesIsberner,diedonFebruary19,2001,asavolunteerfiremanforMontelloFire

DepartmentinMontello,Wisconsin.Myfavoritesong

is“I’mButaStrangerHere,HeavenisMyHome”fromtheWelsLutheranHymnal.Ibelievemusiccanreallybecomfortingforalotofsadthingsthathappeninlife.

I’m But a Stranger Here

Words: Thomas R. Taylor, 1836 ~ Music: Arthur S. Sullivan, 1872 ~ 1st Published in: 1836

I’mbutastrangerhere,Heav’nismyhome;

Earthisadesertdrear,Heav’nismyhome.

Dangerandsorrowstandroundmeoneveryhand;

Heav’nismyfatherland,Heav’nismyhome.

Whatthoughthetempestrage,Heav’nismyhome;

Shortismypilgrimage,Heav’nismyhome;

Time’scoldandwildwintryblastsoonshallbeoverpast;

Ishallreachhomeatlast,Heav’nismyhome.

ThereatmySavior’ssideHeav’nismyhome;

Ishallbeglorified,Heav’nismyhome.

Therearethegoodandblest,thoseIlovedmostandbest;

There,too,Isoonshallrest,Heav’nismyhome.

ThereforeImurmurnot,Heav’nismyhome;

Whate’ermyearthlylot,Heav’nismyhome;

AndIshallsurelystandthereatmyLord’srighthand.

Heav’nismyfatherland,Heav’nismyhome.

M

By Marie Sanborn, wife of Timothy Sanborn (2007-MI)

thinkTimcommunicatestomethroughmusic/songs.Therehavejustbeentoomanyincidentswherea

certainsongwillplayatamomentthatisimportant.

AtTim’sfuneralweplayed“WhenIGettoWhereIAmGoing”byBradPaisley.It’sasongthatmadeTimthinkofhisgrandfather,asongthatwasabouthappytears,asongthatTimhimselfsangwiththeradiojustdaysbeforehisdeath.(ThankGodBradPaisleywassingingalso.AsmuchasTimthoughthecouldcarryatune...itwasnotso!)

AboutsixweeksafterTimdied,Smokey,our12-year-oldDalmatian,washavinghealthissues.Theygot

progressivelyworse,andIwasnolongerabletocareforSmokeywiththedignitythathedeserved.ThedecisionhadtobemadetoputSmokeydown.Iwentbackandforthfordays.FinallyIhadtostopbeingselfishandlookedforasignfromTimthattherightdecisionwasmade.AsIparkedthecarintheparkinglotatthevet’sofficeandreacheduptoturnthecaroff,thesongcameon.When I get to where I am going,

I

Smokey continued on page 4

Onourfoundation’swebsite,www.ourfallenbrother.org,thereisalinktoLindy’swebsite,whereyoucandownload“FallenBrother”ifyou’dcaretotakealisten.It’squiteasong.Butthen,Randywasanamazingman,andInevertireoflistening.

By Mary Isberner, wife of james Isberner (2001-WI)

4 The Journey Issue48•May/June2012

there will only be happy tears. Yep…Iproceededtoloseit.ButwhenIwasdone,Ihadpeaceaboutme.IknewTimwastellingmeitwastherightdecision,hewastherewithme,

usichasalwaysbeenanimportantpartofmylife.Fromplayingtheflutewhileinschoolto

singingorjustlistening,havingmusicinmylifewasajoythatmademydayeveryday.

Forsomereason,whenmyhusbandLeediedinthelineofdutyonJanuary8,2000,thatloveofmusicwentaway.Theradiowasalwaysoninthecarandthroughoutthehouse,butitwasjustnoise.Icouldnothearthewordsormusicinmyheart.ThatlovediedwithLee.Iknewtherewassomethingmissingbutcouldnotidentifywhatthatvoidinmyheartwas.

LateonenightinJanuaryof2006,IwaswatchingHBOandthemovie“ThePhantomoftheOpera”cameon.IstartedwatchingandveryquicklyrealizedthatIwascrying.Themajestyofthemusicsuddenlyopenedmyheart,andIheardandfelteverybeautifulnote.Ihaveadish,andsoIhaveseveralHBOchannelstoselectmyviewingchoices.I

watchedthatmovienon-stopforseveraldays.EachtimeIwastakenawaybythebeautyandpowerofthemusic.Thatamazingmoviewithitspowerfulmusictouchedmeinaway

thatIwillneverforget.Musicbecamealonglostfriendtomyheartonceagain.

IwrotealettertoLordAndrewLloydWebber,thecreatorofthisbeautifulmusic.ItoldhimaboutLeeandabouthowhismusicmademealiveonceagain.SeveralweekslaterIreceivedapackageinthemail.ItwasaletterfromLordAndrewLloydWebber’sproductioncompanywithanoteofhisappreciationformyletter.Enclosedwasa“movieset”shirt.Thedateontheshirtis2003,and

themoviewasreleasedin2004,soIsuspectitwasashirtthatwasdistributedduringthemakingofthemovie.Iwassotouchedbyhiskindness.Howwonderful!!

Todaymusicisstillveryimportanttome.Ihaveonceagainlearnedtoliveandlovethemusicinmyheart.

osscanforceustogrowinwayswemightnototherwisechooseandtoharnessinnerresourceswedidn’tknowwehad.Thisstrengthbecomespartofa“new”lifeafterloss.

M

Survivors Embracing Life

I c a n b e c h a n g e d b y w h a t h a p p e n s t o m e , b u t I r e f u s e t o b e r e d u c e d b y i t .

~Maya Angelou

LBy jane Neville, mother of Brian Neville (2008-MD)

ForthelasttwoyearswehavesponsoredtheUniversityofMarylandHospitalforChildren’steamintheBaltimoreMarathoninOctober.Inhonorofourson,Brian,wehaveraisedover$25,000eachyearforthecenter.Thisphotoisofthet-shirtstheteammemberswore.

andhewouldbetherewaitingforSmokey.Therehavebeennumerousotherincidentsandsongssince.IjustSMILEandsay,“Okay.Iknowyouarehere.Loveyou.”

Sanborncontinued from page 3

By Sharon Purdy, wife of Lee a. Purdy (2000-OH)

TheNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation 5

wasfabricatedinWheatley,Ontario,andwefeltChrisspeakingtousonceagain!WearesohonoredandreallycomfortedthatthisboatisoutonthelakewiththepilotandCFDcrewhelpingkeepeveryonesafe.Chriswasaboater,andweknowhe’sonthatboathavingagreattimewithhisbuddiesandseeingthewonderfulChicagolakefrontwhichhelovedsomuch.

TheFF/PMChristopherD.WheatleyMemorialFoundation(http://cdwmemorialfoundation.org)wasfoundedasanon-profit501(c)3organizationinOctober2011.We’recurrentlyworkingwithRomeovilleFireAcademytopartneronascholarshipprogramforfireacademycandidatesandwithUniversityofIllinois@Chicagoforascholarshipfor4thyearmedicalstudentswhowillenteremergencyroommedicine.

IhadnoideawhenthedoorbellrangAugust9,2010,thatIwouldeverbeabletoexistwithoutmydearsonChris.IneverthoughtIwouldberunninganon-profitorganization,takingclassesinnon-profitmanagement,orhostingafundraisingevent.Ineverthoughtthatmyactionswouldbringsmilestosomeonereceivingascholarshipinitiatedfromanorganizationbasedonthelifeofoneofmyfamilymembers.Buthereweare.LessthantwoyearsfromChris’passing,hisspirithasinspiredallofusto“passitforward,”bringinggoodfromtragedy.OurintentnowistocontinuetohonorChristhroughHISorganizationandtocontinuetoworktohelpotherswhoseintentistoservetheirfellowhumanbeings.

By Marie Sanborn, wife of Timothy Sanborn (2007-MI)

TimdiedJune22,2007.Ifinishedourretirementdream—builtaloghomeonLakeSuperiorandrelocatedthere—andnowIfeelit’stimetorebuildmylife.Theneedtogetoutofthehouse,meetnewpeople,andfeelusefulagainhasledmetovolunteering.IvolunteertwodaysaweekatSt.VincentdePaul.IhavefoundittobeoneofthemostrewardingexperiencesIhaveeverhad—anotherstepinhealing,anotherstepforward,andawaytohelpthecommunity!

The pieces shared in The Journey belong solely to the authors and may not be reprinted in part or whole without the authors’ permission.

By Mary Wheatley, mother of Christopher Wheatley (2010-IL)

AftermysonChrispassedonAugust9,2010,thestoriestoldrememberedChris’positiveenergy,hisdevotiontohiscareer,andhisreadinesstohelpallaroundhim.AllfelthisspiritandwantedtodosomethingtoencourageotherstofeelthatspiritandtocontinueChris’goodworks.

HiscousinJenniferMooresuggestedstartingascholarshipatLemontHighSchool,theiralmamater(whichChris’sisterKimalsoattended);andwewereontheway.Friendscame

touswithanoffertohostagolfoutingatCogHillGolfCourseinLemont.Onethingledtoanotherveryquickly,andthroughaLOTofhelpbythosewhoknew,honoredandlovedChris,wedidhosttheeventonJune15,2011,lessthanoneyearafterChrispassed.ItwasawonderfullifeaffirmingeventwhichraisedenoughfundsforustoexpandourscholarshipprogramtoincludetheChicagoFireDepartment’s(CFD)GoldBadgeSociety.

Inthemeantime,CFDaskediftheycouldnametheirnewfireboatinhonorofChris.Wefoundoutthatboat continued on page 6

6 The Journey Issue48•May/June2012

This project was supported by Grant #2012-PS-DX-0001, awarded by the Bureau of Justice Assistance. The Bureau of Justice Assistance is a component of the Office of Justice Programs, which also includes the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the National Institute of Justice, the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, and the Office for Victims of Crime. Points of view or opinions in this document are those of the author(s) and do not represent the official position or policies of the United States Department of Justice.

N a t i o n a l F a l l e n F i r e f i g h t e r s F o u n d a t i o n • P. O . D r a w e r 4 9 8 , E m m i t s b u r g , M D 2 1 7 2 7

(301) 447-1365 f i r ehe ro@f i r ehe ro .o rg

We want to hear from you about…

The survivor-to-survivor connection. Survivorshaveaspecialabilitytounderstandoneanother’ssituation.Connectingwithanotherpersonwho“getsit”

bringsauniquetypeofcomfort.Howhasyourconnectionwithother

survivorshelpedyouthroughyourlossandthroughotherlossesandlifeeventssince?Howhasbeingabletoprovidesupporttoothershelpedyou?Whatdoyoucherishmostaboutyourfellowsurvivorfriends?

Ifyou’dliketoshareyourthoughtsonthistopicorotheraspectsofyourpersonaljourney,pleasesendaWorddocumentore-mail(andpictures!)toJennyWoodallatjwoodall@firehero.orgbyJuly15,2012.Ifyoudon’tdocomputers,sendatypedorneatlyhandwrittencopyto:

The JourneyNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation

P.O.Drawer498Emmitsburg,MD21727

By Rick Charlson, father of Scott Charlson (2008-OR)

Scott’slifeinspiredmetocompleteasmallcloudforestorchidhouse.Thetemperaturegoesdownto45atnight,upto60duringtheday.At10:00,misterscomeonwith65degreewaterandmistthehousefor15minutes.Overheadventsopenwhentempsgetto70.I’mtryingtoduplicateColombia’smountainconditions.Thoughdifficulttokeepgoing,IcompleteditbecauseScottwouldhavewantedmetokeepon.

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partnershipeffortofthePSOBOffice,Bureau

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safetyagenciesandnationalorganizations,

suchastheNationalFallenFirefighters

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Survivors Embracing Lifecontinued from page 5