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Welcome to
How to Deal with
Difficult BehavioursDifficult Behaviours
Trainer: Sue Hemphill
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• One word or image I associate with Conflict
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Objectives
Participants will have the opportunity to:
• Reflect on your personal case studies and consider how you respond to difficult
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consider how you respond to difficult behaviours and conflict situations at work.
• Learn and practice a skill for responding to difficult behaviours
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Guidelines
Safe Place = Respect + Confidentiality
– Risk sharing your stories and trying new things
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– Leave enriched by the learning and with the
confidence that you are the only one leaving the room with your stories
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Case Study
Identify a recent difficult interaction / conversation with someone you have an ongoing relationship with;
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ongoing relationship with;
a work colleague, supervisor, direct report / staff, resident’s family member.
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Case Study Reflection #1(pairs or triads)
• Share a ‘snap shot’ of the context, surrounding your difficult conversation.
• What did the other person do that you
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• What did the other person do that you experienced as difficult? Be specific; e.g. raised voice, rolled eyes, they said…
• You will be given 2 - 3 minutes each
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• What impact did the conversation have on you at the moment, that night, during the week….?
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night, during the week….?
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Case Study Reflection #2
• Imagine that the other person is sitting in your place. How would they answer the following question?
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• What did you do during the conversation that they experienced as difficult or not helpful?
Take 1 ½ minutes each
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• Who started this situation?
• Who has more organizational power?
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• For those of you with less organizational power, does power affect the impact of what happened?
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Definitions of Conflict
• Conflict is difference + tension (the rub)
• A conflict represents, first and foremost, a crisis in human interaction. The occurrence of conflict tends to destabilize the parties’ experience of both self
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to destabilize the parties’ experience of both self and the other, so that each party feels both more vulnerable and more self-absorbed than they did before the conflict.
• Conflict has common and predictable patterns.
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Beliefs About
Conflict
Conflict Consequence
The Conflict Cycle
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Conflict Occurs
Response
Consequence
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Beliefs About
Conflict
Conflict Consequence
The Conflict Cycle
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Conflict Occurs
Response
Consequence
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Case Study Reflection #3
• What is your typical or pattern of response to difficult behaviour?
• What consequences does that produce?
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• What consequences does that produce?
• Can you generate other options for responding?
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Debrief
• With a self perpetuating cycle, where and how do you introduce change?
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“Real freedom is the ability to pause between a stimulus and a response – and in
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and a response – and in
that pause choose.”
- Rollo Mae
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Resolution Skills Centre’sBeliefs About Conflict
• Conflict is okay
• People have choices in their response to conflict
• People can solve their own conflicts
• I only have part of the story. I have part of the story.
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story.
• We all contribute to our conflicts consciously or unconsciously
• There can be “win/win” resolutions
• Reconciliation is possible in a wide range of situations
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Private
Action
Intent
Public
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Action
Effect
Words ____%
Tone ____%
Body Language ____%
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View Video
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Private
Intent
Public
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Action
Effect
Assume
Words
Tone
Body Language
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We judge ourselves by our intentions.
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Others judge us by our impact/effect.
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PERSPECTIVES
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Dealing with Accusations
Their Blame
Our
Defense and Counter-
Accusation
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Accusation
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Responding to Accusation
Their Blame
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Listen, acknowledge
effect and seek to
understand their concern
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Responding to Accusation
Their Blame
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Identify there is a
problem or an issue
Paraphrase to defuse,
validate and clarify
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Paraphrasing:
is a minimal encourager
3 – 9 words
Feelings
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Feelings
First
Facts
Follow
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Paraphrasing
• Is easier to do when we are dealing with someone
who is upset at someone else other than us.
• Is most difficult to do and can feel counter- intuitive
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• Is most difficult to do and can feel counter- intuitive
(until the habit or pattern is set) when the person
with the difficult behaviour is upset with is YOU!
• We have to resist the animal self-protection instinct
to “fight or flight” and engage more deeply.
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Empathy is KEY!
• The ability to share in another emotions, thoughts and feelings.
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• How hard is it to have empathy with someone when they are upset with us or
making things difficult for us?
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Basic or Fundamental Human Needs
• There are varying theories and words to describe and categorize human needs (most simplify to 4 or 5)
• Freedom or autonomy
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• Freedom or autonomy
• Security or safety
• Belonging and acceptance
• Fun, self expression and discovery
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Resolution Skills Centre
A division of Mediation Services
Resolution Skills Training and Certificate Program
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Program
www.resolutionskills.ca
204-925-3410