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The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 2
Introductions
• Cathy Lamar – Director of Counseling Services
Audubon Area Community Services, Inc.
• Terry Payne – CFO Audubon Area Community Services, Inc.
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 3
FranklinCovey
7 Habits of Highly Effective People
8 Habits of a Successful Marriage
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 4
8 Habits of a Successful Marriage
1. Be Proactive2. Begin With the End in Mind3. Put First Things First4. Think Win-Win5. Listen First, Talk Second6. Synergize7. Sharpen the Saw8. Lift Yourself by Lifting Others
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 5
What does a healthy marriage feel like?
• Safe• Accepting• Understanding• Happiness• Mutual Benefit• Cooperation
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 6
The Benefits of Marriage
•Lower mortality •Better health •Greater financial well-being •Less suicide •Greater happiness •Less intimate
partner violence
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 7
Building a Marriage Is Like Building a Home
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 7
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 8
The 3 C’s of a Successful Marriage
Foundation
Framework
Roof
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 9
The 8 Habits of A Successful Marriage
Unselfish Companions
hipEffective Communicati
onHigh-Trust Character
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 10
Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character
Habit 1: Be Proactive
The first habit you need to build a
foundation of high-trust character is:
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 11
Proactive
Situation Response
Pause
Think
Choose
• Create a space between your response and what is happening to you.
• Consider the consequences of your actions.
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 12
Movie
Carry Your Own Weather
Stephen Covey
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 14
Activity
Talk about one situation in which you tend to be reactive.
How could you pause to take control?
What do you think about during the pause?
Choose what you will do and why.
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 15
Become a Person of High-Trust Character
It is a greater compliment to be trusted than
to be loved.—GEORGE MACDONALD
To build high-trust, practice Habit 1: Be
Proactive.
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 16
Materials & Schedule
• Participant Guide
• Marriage Calendar
• Presentation Format
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 17
Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character
Habit 2: Begin With the
End in Mind
The second habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 18
Habit 2: Begin With the End in
Mind
Shape your future…
What do you want your
marriage to stand for?
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 19
Marriage Mission Statements
Our Marriage Mission:
To love each other…to help each other…to
believe in each other…to wisely use our time, talents, and resources
to bless others… to worship together
forever.
Our marriage is great—
As equal partners, we want to love, have fun, teach, and learn. We
are a great team.
A Married Couple’s Motto…
It is our belief that the other is never wrong. Rather than blame or accuse, we simply ask the other: “Will you
help me understand?” With love and
understanding, we will grow our lives together.
We circle at the summit.
“No Empty Chairs” John and Jane Covey
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 20
Activity
Begin a Marriage Mission Statement
How do you want to live, love, learn and leave a legacy together?
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 21
Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character
Habit 3: Put First
Things First
The third habit you need to build a
foundation of high-trust character is:
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 22
Your BIG ROCKS are your values—the things that are most important to you.
Your LITTLE ROCKS are the things that get in the way of being true to your values—your big-rock “barriers”.
Habit 3: Put First Things First
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 23
Activity
• Identify the “Big Rocks”
• Discussion with partner about the importance of “couple time”
• Planning a partner Power Hour
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 24
Build a Framework of Effective Communication
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
The first habit you need to build a framework of
effective communication is:
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 25
The Four Ways of Thinking
WIN-LOSE (Bully)• I don’t care about
your needs• I only care about
mine
LOSE-WIN (Victim)• I’m not important• Don’t worry about me
LOSE-LOSE (Opponents)
• If I’m going down, you’re going down with me.
WIN-WIN (Teammates)
• You and I can work together
• We are a team!• What would be a win
for us?
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 26
Habit 4: Think Win-Win®
In relationships, you both can win.
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 27
Activity
• Thinking about what is a win for you
• Recognizing what is a win for your partner
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 28
Build a Framework of Effective Communication
Habit 5: Listen First, Talk Second
The second habit you need to build a
framework of effective
communication is:
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 29
How Can You Listen for Understanding?
1. Make eye contact.2. Look for and recognize
body language.3. Avoid “door slammers.”4. Use Talking-Stick
communication(Listen First, Talk Second.)
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 31
Build a Framework of Effective Communication
Habit 6: Synergize
The third habit you need to build a framework of
effective communication is:
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 32
Habit 6: Synergize
We can work together.
When you and your spouse
creatively work
together, you synergize.
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 33
The Rules of Synergy
RULE 1:Value one another.
RULE 2:Recognize strengths.
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 34
Activity
• Think about what you value most in your partner
• Tell your partner
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 35
Build the Protection of Unselfish Companionship
The first habit you need to build the
protection of unselfish companionship:
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 36
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
Sharpen the Saw means to take care of you and
your marriage.
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 37
The Whole Person
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 38
Activity
• Decide what we can do as a couple to keep our marriage sharp
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 39
Build the Protection of Unselfish Companionship
The first habit you need to build the
protection of unselfish companionship:
Habit 8: Lifting Yourself by Lifting Others
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 40
The Elements of Kindness
1. Choose kind words.
2. Speak in a soft tone.
3. Give rather than take.
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 41
Kind Words
Kind words can be short and easy to
speak, but their echo is truly endless. — MOTHER TERESA
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 42
Gives and Takes
Why do marriages succeed or fail?
Amazingly, we have found that it all comes down to a simple mathematical formula:
no matter what style your marriage follows, you must have at least five times as many positive moments, (GIVES), as negative moments, (TAKES) , if your marriage is to be stable.
— JOHN GOTTMAN, PH.D.
The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™
© 2005 FranklinCovey 43
Activity
• Identify each others gives and takes