Wisdom from the Inside Out by Barbara Robitaille

My mother, the woman who I had allowed to define my life, was dead; my father had died the

previous year. After gathering the last of Mom’s few belongings, my brother asked how I was. I

responded that I had never felt freer in my life. Quietly nodding, he understood.

Suddenly, I had no one to disappoint, no one to tell me who I was or how I was to live. Always

the good girl, I did as I was told and delivered all that they asked of me. I tap danced my way

through life hoping to make their lives happy. There was love, but it was a hard love. As I

watched my mother draw her last earthly breath, I felt the liberating breath of Spirit begin to

awaken my Truth. I was 49 years old and only now gaining the courage to tell myself the truth

about my life.

We never know the whole truth about someone’s experience. Each of us has our own story, and,

while we share our humanness with others, how we define ourselves and the situations we find

ourselves in is uniquely our own. As a Soul Coach, I am privileged to listen to my client’s

stories. The power Soul Coaching brings to the client rests in telling yourself the truth about your

life. It’s one thing to respond with “I’m fine” to a casual inquiry from a friend or neighbor,

however too often we convince ourselves that we’re fine when we’re anything but. Too often we

adapt ourselves to conform to the ideas, values and opinions of significant people in our lives:

mothers, fathers, relatives, husbands/wives, co-workers, bosses, and we even adapt to cultural

influences. At some point life brings you the opportunity to come home to yourself.

The invitation to come home to your Self can arrive suddenly; a phone call with news of a health

crisis or the death of a loved one can, in a single moment, turn your world upside down.

Sometimes the invitation arrives at one of life’s thresholds, such as the experience of marriage,

divorce, being a parent or caring for aging parents, empty nest, career transitions, or midlife. My

invitation included all of the above in a matter of three years. It seems the Universe decided I

needed to be hit by a thunderbolt to get my attention. It worked, but I wouldn’t recommend it

unless you have the budget for regular spa visits, the latest anti-aging skin care products and the

right skin tone to compliment gray hair. What’s true though is this - however the invitation is

extended, feeling no solid ground beneath you, you stumble, looking for shelter with nowhere to

go except home; to your Self.

Arriving at your own front door, luggage in hand, still indignantly waving the invitation,

resisting the RSVP, you would rather be anywhere but here. Most of us would rather clean our

refrigerator, scraping mold off cheese, tossing that stalk of broccoli bearing a striking

resemblance to Bob Dylan, than choose to be alone with ourselves for longer than five minutes.

Many of us are champion medal holders in creating distractions to avoid any time spent in quiet

reflection. We keep ourselves distracted with volunteering to sew all the costumes for the school

play or offering to return all our neighbors’ library books. We make our lists and set our lives on

cruise control, sailing smoothly along with only a minimal amount of self-reflection. We create a

false sense of security, living on the surface choosing to ignore what lies beneath. As the

busyness and stress we have created in our lives escalates we become disconnected from Spirit.

But now the image in the mirror is unavoidable, it’s time to go below the surface; unpack your

bags.

As a Soul Coach I help you unpack. We examine the contents of each bag, and with honesty and

intention assess what truly fits and let go of what no longer serves you. This might mean

something as seemingly insignificant as letting go of that sweatshirt you wore at summer camp

when you were 12, along with Aunt Ruth’s careless Thanksgiving comment when you were six

about your hair looking like a Brillo pad. As you do this, you begin to create space in your life.

Composer Claude Debussy once said, “It is in the silence between the notes that true music is

born.” When you create space in your life, you welcome your Spirit home, you begin to hear the

voice of your Soul, however soft the whisper, calling you to live from Spirit, to know your own

Truth.

Soul Coaching offers the opportunity to reconnect to the voice of your Soul that knows what you

love, knows what matters to you, knows who you want to be. You assess your life and in doing

so, tell the truth to yourself about your life. As you clear your mental, emotional, spiritual and

physical clutter and reconnect with the natural world around you - the trees offering shade and

music in the wind, the chickadees cheerful song, the single flower that blooms through the

sidewalk crack - you begin to open yourself to living a life guided by Spirit, awakening that part

of yourself that has forgotten that we belong to each other and all life. I am humbled to witness

my clients awakening to the magic and miracles that are a part of every minute of every day;

seeing kindness in a stranger’s eyes, hearing from a friend when you most need support, finding

something that you thought was lost. They begin to discover just how extraordinary their

ordinary lives are.

Those awakenings happen at my kitchen table. How ordinary is that? There is something

comfortable and familiar about being at a table. For years I have welcomed people to my table

where three beeswax candles glow on a bamboo mat. Friends, neighbors and strangers have

found themselves sitting at my table telling me their stories. Over cups of tea, coffee, cocoa or

sips of wine, the conversation that was waiting, happened. My home has always been my

sanctuary, offering me a place to relax, create, feel safe and feel Spirit; a true shelter for my

heart, mind and spirit. People felt comfortable at my table. There was an ease between us. Gently

I would listen and counsel from my table. I never knew who might appear each day.

The time came when I left my kitchen table to set up shop in a ‘real’ office as a Soul Coach. I

was invited to join a local holistic health clinic and I agreed to become a part of a community

that offered referral support and provided a sense of shared vision with colleagues. I honored my

humble beginnings by naming my business Barbara’s Table. Interesting energetic roadblocks

kept coming up as I tried to set up my office space. Among the most memorable: being locked

out on two occasions having been issued the wrong key, unable to disarm the security system,

paint disappearing, and my phone unable to provide service. With each challenge I pushed

forward, determined to establish myself in the mainstream career world.

Recently an “aha” moment opened my Spirit to what is true for me. Due to tricky appointment

scheduling with a client, I agreed to see her at my home. I put the kettle on for tea and lit the

candles in my kitchen - just like old times. The session carried energy of ease and grace. I was in

my groove! I was home. My intuitive gifts that I use in combination with the Soul Coaching

program were at a heightened level and the intimacy of connection with my client felt deeper.

She asked if we could meet in my home again the following week saying “I love being here.” I

knew without question that I was to come back to my table.

As we come back to ourselves, answering the question “Who am I, really?” our lives awaken to

our wisdom within, hearing the soft whisper of our Soul calling us to our truth, guiding us in

bringing our light to the world. This is what it means to be alive; letting go of the fear that holds

us hostage; having the courage to embrace the power to define your life; knowing you have the

power to choose how you define each moment of your life. Howard Thurman once said, “Don’t

ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world

needs is people who have come alive.”

When you show up and make the commitment to dig down deep, it feels as though the Universe

and your Soul open floodgates to support you every step of the way, acknowledging the yearning

that has been kept undercover, held captive by your ego and the mind that said, “You must do

this if you want to be loved, if you want to succeed, if you want to belong.” Grace descends and

synchronicities expand. Those “aha” moments bring the gift of redefining your way of being in

the world, transforming your life.

I have come to know and honor Mystery as I work with my Soul Coaching clients. Each day

holds the promise of possibility and I never know which day’s exercises or which soul coaching

tool will be the one that will bring the delight of the “aha” gift of understanding and connection.

For one client it might be Day 9 that brings them to their knees, another might resonate deeply

with doing a Soul collage, where images, color or words hold the key to insights that awaken

their Divine identity.

In cleaning out a closet recently, I found the soul collage I made during my Soul Coaching

training course at Summerhill Ranch, and as I looked at it, I was stunned when I saw the words

Kitchen Table pasted on my collage. My Soul knew I belonged at my kitchen table. My ego took

me on a detour, but my Spirit brought me home. In the center of my collage there is an image of

a woman standing on a stage holding a microphone. I remember feeling strongly drawn to that

image and I get goose bumps as I stare at the image now, some two years later, as I realize I now

take voice performance lessons and own my identity as a singer.

With 28 days of powerful questions to reflect upon, meditations and hands-on tasks, the sense

that anything can happen comes alive and opens the door to the Divine imagination within.

Which Soul Coaching tool unlocks which door is different for everyone.

One of the most powerful tools used in Soul Coaching is composing a vow to yourself. In

preparing to write this chapter, I contacted several former clients asking them what they found

most helpful during their six week journey. Everyone included the writing of their sacred

contract as one of the most meaningful tasks. As you might imagine, writing a vow to yourself;

writing loving, tender, kind words brings a softening towards yourself that is unfamiliar, and

uncomfortable. We’re not used to being loving and kind to ourselves. Instead, the opposite is

often the case. When we make a promise to a friend or family member we do everything possible

to honor that commitment. Yet how easily we break promises we’ve made to ourselves. In

writing a thoughtful, heartfelt vow to your self, you acknowledge your goodness, your

shortcomings, and your strengths and make the commitment to accept and honor yourself.

Entering a Soul Coaching experience is like going on a holiday by yourself. This is a time when

it’s okay to say “It’s all about me” - a time to allow yourself permission to focus on you, to ask

yourself each morning “What do I feel like doing today?” and then doing it. You learn to keep

promises to yourself. If you wake up wanting to go to Paris, and you know you won’t be

boarding the next plane to Charles De Gaulle airport, perhaps you could bring a little bit of Paris

to your life that day - have a croissant and glass of wine for lunch at a local bistro, or spend time

on the internet looking up travel information to Paris. Print out a picture of the Eiffel Tower and

create a Vision Board filled with other images or words you desire. The point is to take time to

listen to your Spirit, to pay attention to your heart’s desires; to nurture the childlike nature

within, the part of you who remembers that magic happens.

There are many ways to open yourself to magic and miracles in your life. One way is to write

down exactly what it is you desire and declare “I desire this or something better to come to me in

perfect timing.” A client of mine, Eric1, decided to make a list of all the elements that, to him,

created the perfect house. With no expected timeline, he put the list in a special box he kept on

his dresser. Within two weeks, he received word that the condo he was renting was being put up

for sale. Rather than wait in uncertainty for the condo to sell, Eric began to look for a new place

to rent. After viewing several options, he found a beautiful home in a neighborhood convenient

to work and school. Upon inquiring, he learned that while he was welcome to make an

appointment to view the property, there were over 100 applicants scheduled to meet the owner

and walk through the house.

Arriving at his scheduled time, Eric slipped in the front door, just as the couple before him was

leaving. He overheard them offering the owner more money than she was asking for the monthly

rent. Eric considerately removed his shoes as he entered the house and after exchanging a few

pleasantries with the owner began to roam through the house. He loved the feel of each room,

delighting in its quirky layout, knowing he would be at home in this place. Talking a bit more

with the owner, he assured her of his genuine interest and desire to become her tenant. As the

next couple arrived, Eric quietly left, knowing that while he felt good about his connection with

the owner, many others were equally excited about living in this wonderful home.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"!!Names have been changed to maintain client confidentiality.!

Eric was chosen among all those who applied. He was ecstatic at his good fortune, but it wasn’t

until he had moved all his belongings and was settled in that he remembered his list. Smiling to

himself he read his list of house desires, realizing that every single one of his desires was present

in his new home. All except one. He had listed the desire for bamboo floors. The house did have

hardwood flooring, but it was not bamboo. Later that day sitting in his living room, his gaze was

drawn to the backyard, where, for the first time he noticed that his back fence line was planted

entirely with - bamboo.

Self-care, acceptance and forgiveness are integral elements of the Soul Coaching experience. I

challenge my clients to remember their manners toward themselves. We can be amazingly hard

on ourselves. I had one client who made the decision to commit to the Soul Coaching program

hoping to learn to say “Yes” to herself after a lifetime of self-cruelty. Growing up in a household

where she was guilty until proven innocent, where nothing less than perfection was allowed,

Emily apologized constantly and took the blame for whatever might go wrong, beating herself up

for every little thing.

In our work together, we explored the words and tapes that played in Emily’s mind as she made

her way through the day. It is amazing how harsh and critical those inner voices can be. The

judge and jury need to be dismissed and replaced with more compassionate and honorable

voices. The good news is that you have the power to fire the judge and jury. Once the realization

awakens, firing the judge and jury can be exhilarating. No need to mind your manners; let them

go without two weeks notice - "You’re outta here. Pack your things and get moving, now!” Bit

by bit the new language emerges; the old tapes are erased and, as a result, decades of conditioned

behavior can be redefined.

Many of us look back at events in our lives through a lens that blames others for our involvement

or excuses our behavior. “The devil made me do it,” the immortal line used by comedian Flip

Wilson’s character, Geraldine, to explain away her outrageous, mean-spirited behavior, was

always good for a laugh, but not so funny when experienced off-stage. It’s easy to blame our

actions on someone else. But, it is important to own our actions, recognizing that we choose

situations and how we respond in those situations, rather than adopting the position of being a

victim of circumstances, blaming others, living in denial or making excuses.

One of the exercises in the Soul Coaching program, often the most uncomfortable for clients,

involves looking back at your most memorable life experiences, those thresholds that you feel

shaped your life from the position of being an observer - a Sacred Observer. Through the lens of

the Sacred Observer, you detach from the emotional charge that you have used to define those

moments, offering the opportunity for a new perspective that could assist you in seeing yourself

in a new way.

Living your life from the place of being a victim holds you hostage; the hurts and wounds of the

past remain alive in feelings of blame, denial, regret or fear, as well as robbing you of the future

with the energy given over to worrying about future outcomes. You are not able to live in the

present moment, to know the blessing of living this one moment, to rest in the space of now.

Recognizing that you have the power to release living from a place of victimhood, that you are

not a victim, knowing instead that you have the power to choose how you react or respond in any

given situation is a huge step towards reclaiming and owning your power.

When you stand in your power, trust your own information and allow your intuition to guide you

in making choices and decisions, life becomes truly your own. After years of wearing someone

else’s shoes you are now standing proudly and confidently in your own. You dance, sing, smile,

laugh, cry and live from your Truth. You honor all that you are and open your authentic self to

all that you imagine possible. You have come home to your Self, embracing your humanness and

your Divinity. You Believe.

Years ago, I happened upon a letter written in 1513 by Fra Giovani2 to a friend. The words in his

note have echoed within me ever since. I offer them to you as a reminder that you Take Peace

when you remember your connection to others and all life. You Take Heaven when you let go of

past regrets and release worry about future outcomes; when you live in the present moment. You

Take Joy when you awaken to the magic and miracles that are in every moment of every day. I

believe Soul Coaching awakens you to the infinite possibility that is your life. You can choose to

take heaven, to take peace, to take joy in your life. It is up to you.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#!!Fra Giovanni Giocondo (c. 1433- 1515) Italian architect, antiquary, archaeologist and classical

scholar. Excerpt from A Letter to the Most Illustrious the Contessina Allagia degli

Aldobrandeschi, Written Christmas Eve Anno Domini 1513.

I salute you.

There is nothing I can give you which you have not, but there is much that while I cannot give,

you can take.

No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today. Take Heaven.

No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present instant. Take Peace.

The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. Take Joy.

Note to Book Designer:

Soul Coaching Oracle Card Quote:

(To be inserted in text box in body of Chapter)

Sanctuary – Affirmation: I am divinely guided gently and lovingly.

Go within and find your inner refuge. Be a safe haven for others. Step forward with grace,

deliberation, and thoughtfulness. Take moments for reflection.