Essentials of Muslim Marriage

Course-LL.B

Subject-Family law

Unit-3

1

The Definition of Marriage (Nikah) in Islam

• Sheikh Muhammad Abu Zahrah (a modern scholar) defines it like this:

"A contract that results in the man and woman living with each other and supporting each other within the limits of what has been laid down( in Islam) for them in terms of rights and obligations." Sheikh Ibn Uthaimeen takes an even more comprehensive view of the institution of marriage:"It is a mutual contract between a man and a woman whose goal is for each to enjoy the other, become a pious family and a sound society."

Marriage-source of love and mercy

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." [Noble Quran 30:21]

Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (2:187)

Marriage a way to procreation

• And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best." [Noble Quran 16:72]

Importance of Marriage in Hadith

• "O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." [Al-Bukhari]

• Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith." [Al-Bukhari]

• "Marriage is my sunnah. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me.

• When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

11 Essentials of Successful Marriage

1-Faith2-

Forbearance3-Friendship with spouse

4-Friendship with in laws

5-Our friends

6-Fun

7-Financial plan

8-Respect for family

9-Freedom

10-Plan for future

11-Fulfillment

Characteristics of good spouses

• For Muslim men and women for believing men and women for devout men and women for true men and women for men and women who are patient and constant for men and women who humble themselves for men and women who give in charity for men and women who fast (and deny

1-Faith (Iman)

• The most essential attribute of a Muslim marriage is

the common faith that binds the couple.

• Since Islam is a way of life and not just a religion

confined to weekly worship it becomes an integral part

of a Muslim's life.

• The religious frame of reference shared by the

couple creates an ease of communication

• This helps in sharing of values that is not possible inan interfaith marriage.

Faith

• Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said that when a

husband feeds his wife, he gets a reward for this

act and Allah increases the bond of love between

them.

• So when we love each other for the sake of Allah

(SWT) we actually increase our faith.

• It is highly recommended that faith play an

important role in developing a loving

relationship.

2-Forbearance (Sabr)

• Sabr is necessary tool to have in managing ahealthy lifestyle.• Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactiveframe of mind• It brings us closer to Allah (SWT) through tawakkuland reliance.• We develop an inner mechanism that empowers usto handle life's difficult moments.• As Allah states in surah Al-Asr :

• "Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believeand do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth andcounsel each other to patience [sabr]."•

3-Friendship With Your Spouse

• We should develop a friendship with our

spouses.

• The relationship based on friendship is strong

enough to withstand outside pressures.

• We must honor, trust, respect, accept and

care for our friends, in spite of our differences.

Friends with mutual respect

• Shariah has placed the husband in a leadership role

within his family and this requires a certain mutual

respect & decorum.

• Husband is not a dictator, but a shepherd who is

responsible to and for his flock.

• This is a position of grave responsibility and places an

enormous burden on the husband.

• Furthermore, the children need to see their parentsas friends who respect each other.

4-Friendship With In-Laws

• We should have friendly relations with in-

laws.

• When couples compete as to whose parents

are more important it becomes a constant

source of grief.

• Much valuable time is wasted trying to

convince one another of whose parents are

most desirable.

• It is better if we accept that our spouses will

not fall in love with our parents overnight just

because we want them to.

• As long as they maintain relationships that

are cordial and based on mutual respect, we

should not force the issue.

5-Choosing-Friends

• It is ok to have individual friends of the same gender • Couples must also make an effort to have family friends so that they can

socialize together. • If there is friction being caused by a certain friendship it must not be

pursued at the expense of the marriage. • Prophet Mohammad (SAW) advised us to choose God-fearing people as

friends, since we tend to follow their way. • Friends should be a source of joy and not mischief.

6-Fun

• Couples that do not laugh together have to work on

sharing some fun times.

• The Prophet was known to play with his wives.

• A simple walk in the park can add much spark to the

relationship.

• Taking up a sport together

• Watching appropriate funny movies is another way of

sharing a laugh.

7-Financial-Plan

• One of the most common points of contention inmarriages is money.• Experts tell us that 80% of marital conflicts are aboutmoney.• Couple put serious time and effort in developing afinancial management plan that is mutually agreeable and isreviewed every six months or so.• Preparing a budget together is also a helpful and wiseway to handling household finances.• It should be remembered that the wife's money in Islam ishers to do with as she pleases and therefore should not beconsidered family income unless she chooses to contribute itto the family.

8-Respect &

Priority For Family

• Parenting can be a stressful experience if theparents are not well informed. This in turn canput extra pressure on the marriage.• Sometimes couples are naive about thechanges that come in lifestyle. This can causedepression in some cases, and resentment andmisunderstanding in others.• One golden rule that must always be theguide is "family comes first." Whenever there isevidence that the family is not happy or not ourfirst priority, it is time to assemble at thekitchen table and discuss the situation withopen hearts and open minds.

Respect For Family

• Couples who have elderly parents have an

added responsibility to take care of them; this

can also be very stressful if the couple is not

prepared. A care plan must be worked out with

respective siblings and parents as to who will be

the primary care giver and what type of support

network they will have.

• In case of mental incompetence a power of

attorney must be in place. The making of a will

is essential.

•

9-Freedom

• Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not bondage or

slavery. To consider the wife as one's property is

alien to the Islamic concept of husband and wife.

• The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when

members of the team are free to be themselves.

• Freedom in the common secular sense is to be free

to do as one pleases, or even to be selfish. But what

is meant by allowing freedom to one's spouse is to be

considerate of her needs and to recognize her limitations

10-Plan For The Future

• Smart couples plan for their future together.

• They work on their financial and retirement plans.

• They make wills and discuss these plans with their

children.

• This provides peace of mind and secures the

relationship.

11-Fulfillment

• To be all one can be to one's spouse is a very fulfilling

and rewarding experience.

• To be in love means to give one's all.

• The heart does not put conditions or make

stipulations; it gives without expecting anything in

return, but such selfless giving is always rewarded ten-fold.

References

• 1.https://lh6.ggpht.com/vfK4T8lLr2mKw4QOwhb7A8J029ACkCAFBUULMWDnplpyGvWXB6VeJY5eo7UcIt914ZLpxTs=s153

• Family Law: Paras Diwan,. Allahabad Law Agency

• http://www.slideshare.net/