Evaluating Your First Page for Red FlagsJane Friedman | JaneFriedman.com2012 Missouri Writers Conference

Common 1st Page Troubles

Over explanation

Too much detail

Overwriting, or trying too hard

Interior monologue or reflection

Immediate flashback

Waking up sequence

Phones and alarms

Ordinary day routine

Crisis moments without unique hook

Dialogue without context

Backstory

Info dump

Character dump

SEDUCTIONTease and tantalize with the story.

Story, Story, Story

1. What does your character want?

2. Why does he want it?

3. What keeps him from getting it?

1. Introduce your protagonist.

2. What’s the conflict she’s about to face? What’s going to change her life?

3. What choices will she have to make?

Memoir Red Flags

It focuses on your pain or victimhood

You’re telling the story that’s a common crisis, without a fresh angle (cancer survival, care giving, death of parents)

Your memoir amounts to a journal or diary

Memoir + self-help: Don’t do it.

Biggest Bad Advice

Start with “action.”

The action should have context—and be as grounded as possible in a character that we’re already starting to love.

Action But No Character

Lacks personality, voice, or viewpoint

Delivers a stereotypical crisis moment that’s full of action or pain, but without a center

Offers an action scene for the sake of excitement, but without any connection to the real plot, conflict, or story arc

Action WITH Character

A character who I feel I immediately know and understand

A situation that presents a tension, e.g., a character who’s not getting what he wants or meets opposition

An indication of the larger story problem or conflict between characters

“Congratulations you have been specially selected to receive a once in a life time Caribbean vacation. If you are interested please press ‘nine’ now.”

Wrenched awake by the ringing phone, I hear the words but it takes a second for their meaning to penetrate. It’s only been minutes since my head hit the pillow and I fell fast into sleep. “A damn recording,” I mutter to myself and drop the receiver back into its cradle. More tired than irritated, I settle back down. The phone rings again.

“Hello? May I please speak to Ms. Trey?” The voice sounds remarkably similar to the previous caller but since this time I was asked for by name, I decide to give the caller three seconds to prove me wrong. “This is she,” I answer.

“Ms. Trey I want you to come to the Caribbean. Say ‘yes” to hear the details of how you can experience this dream vacation for yourself and-”

Cutting the caller off, I snarl, “You’ve got to be fricking kidding me!”

“What the…” Jill Clemmons jolted from a deep sleep her right arm thrashing for an alarm clock that wasn’t responsible for the interruption. She kicked out from the sheets with a groan, and stumbled toward the window. She opening the shade in one tug and steadied herself with a hand against the warm glass. “…a lawn mower?” Jill moaned and let the shade drop to the sill.

Low-slung denim hugging a pair of trim hips moved away from her as grass spit to the right leaving a trail of fresh clippings. Broad tan shoulders had found a maturity she hadn’t noticed before, but there was no mistaking it was Peyton.

Jill stuffed her feet into the worn pink slippers next to the bed. She stomped out to the living room, and pulled her cell phone out of the top of her purse to check the time. “Seven-thirty in the morning?” She tossed the phone back on the table and considered her options.

Plan A ignore him, or Plan B go out and give Malloy a piece of her mind. She mulled over her options. Plan B seemed more appealing except for the fact she didn’t have a stitch of makeup on and was still wearing Pearl’s blue housecoat. Lovely.

My daughter Sara told me her mom had separated from her third husband. Between bites of goat cheese salad, she said, “Mom asked about you last night—it was kinda weird. I can’t remember her ever asking about you in all the years since you guys divorced.”

“Hmm,” I said. “What did you tell her?” “I just told her you were fine, that you’re still practicing law in Marina Del Rey,”

she said.“I haven’t seen Stephanie since your high school graduation. How is she

anyway?”“Well, she’s bummed about her divorce, but she’s handling it, I think. She’s

actually doing pretty well.” I wondered what she looked like now.

“Does she still live in Santa Barbara?” I asked.“Yeah, she does.” said Sara.“Maybe I should give her a call,” I said.“Why?” asked Sara. “I don’t know. There’s no reason we can’t be friends,” I said.“Well, you did have a pretty messy divorce”“Yeah, I know,” I said.

Driving to my condo in Marina Del Rey, I was thinking about Stephanie. I continued thinking about her right past my freeway exit. She’d cheated on me. That was why we divorced—one of many reasons. I never forgave her for it. But the sex had been great before.

After our divorce, she moved the children to Santa Barbara, two hours away. She trashed me in front of them and cancelled visitations at the last minute. I remembered once I picked them up for a visit. Stephanie told me I could only have them for three hours, because they had to go to a birthday party for her boyfriend’s mother. I called her a fucking bitch, right in front of the children. I still felt ashamed.

Parting Wisdom

Writing is rewriting

Never expect an editor/agent to polish your work or take it to the next level

Only send your absolute best work; most people only get one shot with an agent/editor (per manuscript)

If you think published/best-selling authors are held to a different standard than you, they are. You are unproven in the market.

Resources

Hooked by Les Edgerton

The First Five Pages by Noah Lukeman

Plot & Structure by James Scott Bell

Anything by agent Donald Maass

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