Lovingly Assertive Boundary-Setting

LovinglyAssertive

Boundary-Setting

CREATING STRUCTURE THATEMPOWERS YOU AND YOUR

TEAM

www.meganleatherman.com

My name is MeganLeatherman, and I'm an

HR Consultant and CareerCoach who focuses onhow to make our workmore human-friendly.

HELLO!


Today, I'm expanding upon a conceptI wrote about in a recent blog posttitled "How to Gracefully Choose

Between Work and Life"


Click here toread the post

Drawing good boundaries in yourwork is essential to success in today's

hectic climate.


Why Do Boundaries Matter?

Boundaries allow you to:

- Get more done in less time

- Feel less stressed throughout your day

- Effectively support others

- Be present in all that you do

Many of our workplaces are blatantlyanti-boundary.

We bombard one another with emailsand meeting requests even though

we know we need quiet time to focuson our work and take care of

ourselves.


An Anti-Boundary Climate

We can draw andenforce good

boundaries in a waythat's loving - towardourselves and those

around us.


It Doesn't Have to Be That Way

Get clear about what you will and won't do at work

Set up structure to support your boundaries

Communicate openly and assertively about your

boundaries


3 Ways to Draw GoodBoundaries:

It's impossible to set good boundaries without

knowing where your lines are.


Step 1: Get Clear

Some Clarifying Questions to Consider:

How much are you willing to work each week?How much quiet time do you need each day to succeed

in your role?Is your work environment conducive to success? If not,

what needs to change?What kind of work are you willing to do and not do?

Support your boundaries with some structure.


Step 2: Set the Structure

Structure Could Look Like:

Blocking off "quiet working time" on your calendar

Turning off all distractions like phones and email while

you're focusing deeply

Setting aside 12 days/week for working at home

Limiting the number of meetings you'll attend per day

It's not fair to constantly surprise your teamwith boundaries or assert them harshly.


Step 3: Communicate

How to Lovingly Communicate Your Boundaries:

Make sure your team knows why boundaries are important to you

(they'll enable you to get more done, focus deeply, and be a more

effective source of support).

Be open about the new structures you're implementing and the

best times/ways for them to reach you.

Encourage them to set their own boundaries and then be sure you

respect them.

This won't be easy, but it is necessary.


Enforcing the Boundaries

If the idea of closing your office door or shutting off email for an

hour feels terrifying, it's okay.

Our workplaces are usually boundaryless places, where

interruptions and "urgency" run amok.

This will take some real effort, but it will enable you to do work that

truly matters, and I promise the payoff will be worth it.

Some resistance you might get as you do this:

- "You need to be more available"- "You can't successfully work with others if you're not reachable by chat or

email"- "We need you to keep up with the fast-paced culture of our company"


People May Fight It...

Even though your boss or team members may kick and scream at

first, trust that:

- The results will speak for themselves. You'll show up more

present, focused, and productive than people without any

boundaries.

- They want the same thing, they just haven't given themselves

permission to do so.

- You're doing what's best for your own sanity and professional

success.


But They Will Get Used to It

Let's say someone tries to schedule a meeting during

your clearly-blocked off quiet working time.

What now?


What To Do When Someone Encroaches

This is where the rubber meets the road.


What To Do When Someone Encroaches

How to Lovingly Assert Your Boundaries:

Take a deep breath. Assume that the other person had

good intentions.

Recommit to your boundaries and use this opportunity to

model good boundarysetting for others.

Communicate your boundaries using the 4step Non

Violent Communication method (next slide).

Four steps to asserting your boundaries with kindness:


Communicate Your Boundaries

State your observation ("I saw that you put a meeting onfor 10:00 today.")

Acknowledge the feeling ("I know you really want to makemore headway on this project...")

Assert your need ("but I need that quiet time to focus onmy piece of the project.")

Request a change ("Would you mind if we rescheduled itfor later in the day? I'm free at 2:00 or 4:00.")

You're supposed to stay flexible, right?


What About Exceptions?

Obviously, we can't control everything, and there aretimes when we'll have to make exceptions.

They should be exceptions, though not the rule.

Most of us err on the side of overly accommodating forothers, which means we take on too much and burn out.

Try being a little less accommodating today and see howit goes.

I hope you'll set aside the time and attention you need to

do and be well at work.


Do Yourself and Others a Favor

To learn more about me and my work, you can go to:

Happy Boundary-Setting!


To schedule a free 20-minute Career Coaching

consultation, you can go to:

https://meganleatherman.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?appointmentType=1142285

Self Improvement

Lovingly Assertive Boundary-Setting