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Bill White--Copyright 2002 1
Conflict Resolution Skillsin the Workplace
Bus. 200Prof. Bill White
Bill White--Copyright 2002 2
Objectives
To provide a basic understanding of conflict and its role in our professional and personal lives.
To equip you with the necessary skills to constructively prevent and resolve conflicts.
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Conflict
How do you define conflict?-----
What are the costs of conflict?-----
What are the benefits of conflict?
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Alternative Definitions of Conflict
A fight. A boundary violation. A way of getting attention, acknowledgment,
sympathy or support. A lack of skill or experience in handling a certain
kind of behavior. “Know your demons.” The continued pursuit of our false expectations. A result of secrets, concealments, confusions,
conflicting messages, half-truths, and cover-ups.
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Alternative Definitions of Conflict(continued)
A way of opposing someone else with whom we have yet to resolve our relationship (parent, lover).
An inability to effectively communicate what we feel, think or want.
A refusal to let go of something that is dead or dying.
A lack of awareness of the imminence of death or sudden catastrophe.
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The Benefits of Conflict
“Conflict is the sounds made by the cracks in a
organizational or family system,demanding attention and/or change.”
-- Ken Cloke
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The Costs of Unresolved Conflict:Customer/Community Relations
“If employees can’t effectively handle their own differences, you can’t expect them to do better with customers.”
“Negative Word-of-Mouth” -- Customers tell 10 or more other people of their negative experiences, and maybe 5 of their positive.
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The Costs of Unresolved Conflict:Employee Relations
24% of total management time is spent on conflicts (American Mgm’t Association Survey)
This means much management time is spent:
Listening to complaints Countering rumors/giving correcting
feedback Searching for solutions Disciplining conflict-related behavior Monitoring compliance of agreements
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The Costs of Unresolved Conflict:Employee Relations (continued)
What about the “Unidentified and Unsuccessfully Managed Conflicts?”
Lower morale, productivity. Increased W.C. Increased turnover, especially among
higher quality employees. Inability to attract higher quality
employees. Retaliation
Sabotage Legal actions and the resulting negative
PR affecting customers, investors and potential hires.
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Conflict Components Two or more people Difference(s) of opinion Bad Behavior(s) Emotion Stress Unsatisfied want(s) Ineffective communication
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What Lies Beneath Most Conflicts
Conflict
Anger
Fear (of Loss)Freedom - Possessions - Respect from Others
Love (of Self)
Self-Respect Self- Disrespect
Self-Anger
Ego
Pain
Transference
Self-Control -Impulse -EgoThe Virtues
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The Underlying Causes of Conflicts
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The Conflict Iceberg
Conflicts are usually 20% about reality, and80% about metaphor.
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Employees(The Managed)
Middle Managers(The Responsible)
Top Management(The Chosen)
CEO/Directors/Owners(The Privileged)
Do, Obey
Check , Direct,Enforce
Lead, Plan,
SetPolicy
Think
Res
entm
ent
Pain
Hierarchies: A Systemic Source of Organizational Conflicts(Adapted from Ken Cloke and Peter Block)
Status, Power,Decisions
No Status,No Power,Problems
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Bureaucracies within Hierarchies(Adapted from Ken Cloke and Peter Block)
Sale
s
H. R
.
Production
Acco
unti
ngFin
ance
Mar
keting
P.R
.
C.I.S.
StrategicPlanning
Investor Relations
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Conflict StoriesOr
Fairytale Conflicts
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Fairytale ConflictsThe Suffering Princess Attacks
Prince(s)(hero/savior)
Witch(es)(evil-doer)
Perceived
Foul Deed(s)
Reques
t/
Deman
d
Revenge?
Princess(es)(victim/martyr)
Sym
path
y
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Fairytale ConflictsThe Witch’s Response
Princess(es)(victim/martyr)
Prince(s)(hero/savior)
Perceived
Foul Deed(s)
Request/Demand
Revenge?
Witch(es)(evil-doer)Sympathy
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When Facing Conflict Avoid it Suppress it Accommodate/give-up Fight Compromise Collaborate/”win-win” solutions
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Levels of Conflict Resolution
Stop fighting by suppressing the dispute
Settle the dispute through negotiation
Resolve the underlying reasons for the dispute
Forgive the other party and yourself Reconcile the relationship
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Levels of Conflict Resolution
50% Stop 75% Settle 95% Resolve 99% Forgive100% Reconcile
Degree ofSuccess Satisfaction
External/Impersonal
Internal/Personal
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Three BasicAreas of Conflict
Resolution:Perception
andCommunication
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Perception and Conflict Resolution
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Perception
Mature Lady, Pretty Girl Slide
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Perception Definition
Perception - a: a mental image b: quick, acute, and intuitive cognition.
Problem Misperception - a: an unfounded or mistaken
impression, notion, or mental image. b: something that is falsely or delusively believed or propagated.
Hallucination - a: “Something that we make-up in our minds, and then act on as though it was real.” -- Bill Hobbs. b: may take individual or group form.
Solution Thoughtful Pause - a: recognition that “your
mind often plays tricks on you.”
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Communication andConflict Resolution
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Communication Skills Active Listening
Listening is the first step to resolving a conflict. Hearing and Listening are not the same.
Hearing is physiological. Listening is psychological. There’s a difference between listening for what you
want to hear versus what is actually said/meant. Open, honest feedback only comes after
there’s open, honest permission . . . No-holds-barred honesty Complete confidentiality No retaliation
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Communication Skills Active Listening (continued)
Encouraging Use this when you are seeking candor/honesty
Clarifying Use this when you are seeking understanding
Restating Use this to check on the accuracy of your
listening Reflecting
Use this when a party shows an emotion Validating
Use this to show empathy, agreement or to reward candor/honesty
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Communication Skills Active Listening Example
P1: “Any opinions on the Xmas party?”--Encouraging P2: “Why are we changing the location?” P1 : “So you prefer the old location?”-- Clarifying P2 : “Yes, it was really convenient for everybody.” P1 : “So location is most important?”-- Restating P2 : “Yeah, the party committee didn’t ask anyone!” P1 : “You seem really angry about this.”-- Reflecting P2 : “You bet I am!” P1 : “That’s good . Let’s talk about it.”-- Validating
and Encouraging
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Communication Skills Effective Speaking
Neutralize the situation Take the sting out of your words Take the sting out of your body language Take the sting out of the location Take the sting out of the power imbalance
Confirm the message. Check to see if: You said it clearly They heard what you meant
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Communication Skills Effective Speaking (continued)
“I” Messages . . . “When you (the behavior of the listener), I (the behavior of the speaker) because I (the source of the conflict inside
the speaker). So, what I’d like you/us to do is (a solution
suggested by the speaker).”
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Communication Skills Effective Speaking (continued)
“I” Messages Example . . . “When you don’t tell me the task is a priority, I may not finish it when you need it because I am focused on my normal workload. So, what I’d like you to do is tell me your
deadline when you give me the task.”
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Building a Conflict-SafeOrganizational Culture
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Building a Conflict-Safe Culture
Generate Trust with Sincere, Effective Apologies. . . Admit it. Apologize. Make it right. Two types of apologizes
“I’m sorry I did . . .” “I’m sorry about the impact this is having on
you.” Stop the Gossip and Fairytales
Talk directly to the other person(s). Have a No Gossip Day or Zone. Make No
Gossip Signs.
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Building a Conflict-Safe Culture (continued)
Resolve, Don’t Settle Conflicts Settling often means suppression of the
conflict – “Peace At Any Price.” Resolving means a genuine peace and
personal growth. Consider Interests, Not Positions
Seek Understanding, Not Blame Explore the Why’s behind the conflict
permits collaborative and creative problem-solving.
Encourage Emotional Intelligence
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EmotionalIntelligence
And Conflict Resolution
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Fairytale ConflictsThe Proper Prince
Princess(es)(victim/martyr)
Witch(es)(evil-doer)
Perceived
Foul Deed(s)
Reques
t/
Deman
d
Request/Demand
Invitatio
nEmotional
Intelligence
Prince(s)(hero/savior)
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Emotional Intelligence(From “The End of Management” by Ken Cloke)
Self-Awareness The ability to recognize and
understand our moods, emotions and drives, and their effect on others
Self-Regulation The ability to control or redirect
insensitive impulses and moods The propensity to suspend
prejudgments, stereotyping, and assumptions -- thinking before acting
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Emotional Intelligence (continued) Motivation
Always ask, “What are my intentions?” Ideally, a passion to work/live for
reasons that express our higher, inter-connected self.
Empathy The ability to understand the emotional
makeup of people by “walking in their shoes.”
Social Skill The ability to find common ground,
build rapport, and create networks with those who we may be at odds.
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