Bill White--Copyright 20021 Conflict Resolution Skills in the Workplace Bus. 200 Prof. Bill White

Bill White--Copyright 2002 1

Conflict Resolution Skillsin the Workplace

Bus. 200Prof. Bill White


Objectives

To provide a basic understanding of conflict and its role in our professional and personal lives.

To equip you with the necessary skills to constructively prevent and resolve conflicts.


Conflict

How do you define conflict?-----

What are the costs of conflict?-----

What are the benefits of conflict?


Alternative Definitions of Conflict

A fight. A boundary violation. A way of getting attention, acknowledgment,

sympathy or support. A lack of skill or experience in handling a certain

kind of behavior. “Know your demons.” The continued pursuit of our false expectations. A result of secrets, concealments, confusions,

conflicting messages, half-truths, and cover-ups.


Alternative Definitions of Conflict(continued)

A way of opposing someone else with whom we have yet to resolve our relationship (parent, lover).

An inability to effectively communicate what we feel, think or want.

A refusal to let go of something that is dead or dying.

A lack of awareness of the imminence of death or sudden catastrophe.


The Benefits of Conflict

“Conflict is the sounds made by the cracks in a

organizational or family system,demanding attention and/or change.”

-- Ken Cloke


The Costs of Unresolved Conflict:Customer/Community Relations

“If employees can’t effectively handle their own differences, you can’t expect them to do better with customers.”

“Negative Word-of-Mouth” -- Customers tell 10 or more other people of their negative experiences, and maybe 5 of their positive.


The Costs of Unresolved Conflict:Employee Relations

24% of total management time is spent on conflicts (American Mgm’t Association Survey)

This means much management time is spent:

Listening to complaints Countering rumors/giving correcting

feedback Searching for solutions Disciplining conflict-related behavior Monitoring compliance of agreements


The Costs of Unresolved Conflict:Employee Relations (continued)

What about the “Unidentified and Unsuccessfully Managed Conflicts?”

Lower morale, productivity. Increased W.C. Increased turnover, especially among

higher quality employees. Inability to attract higher quality

employees. Retaliation

Sabotage Legal actions and the resulting negative

PR affecting customers, investors and potential hires.


Conflict Components Two or more people Difference(s) of opinion Bad Behavior(s) Emotion Stress Unsatisfied want(s) Ineffective communication


What Lies Beneath Most Conflicts

Conflict

Anger

Fear (of Loss)Freedom - Possessions - Respect from Others

Love (of Self)

Self-Respect Self- Disrespect

Self-Anger

Ego

Pain

Transference

Self-Control -Impulse -EgoThe Virtues


The Underlying Causes of Conflicts


The Conflict Iceberg

Conflicts are usually 20% about reality, and80% about metaphor.


Employees(The Managed)

Middle Managers(The Responsible)

Top Management(The Chosen)

CEO/Directors/Owners(The Privileged)

Do, Obey

Check , Direct,Enforce

Lead, Plan,

SetPolicy

Think

Res

entm

ent

Pain

Hierarchies: A Systemic Source of Organizational Conflicts(Adapted from Ken Cloke and Peter Block)

Status, Power,Decisions

No Status,No Power,Problems


Bureaucracies within Hierarchies(Adapted from Ken Cloke and Peter Block)

Sale

s

H. R

.

Production

Acco

unti

ngFin

ance

Mar

keting

P.R

.

C.I.S.

StrategicPlanning

Investor Relations


Conflict StoriesOr

Fairytale Conflicts


Fairytale ConflictsThe Suffering Princess Attacks

Prince(s)(hero/savior)

Witch(es)(evil-doer)

Perceived

Foul Deed(s)

Reques

t/

Deman

d

Revenge?

Princess(es)(victim/martyr)

Sym

path

y


Fairytale ConflictsThe Witch’s Response



Perceived

Foul Deed(s)

Request/Demand

Revenge?

Witch(es)(evil-doer)Sympathy


When Facing Conflict Avoid it Suppress it Accommodate/give-up Fight Compromise Collaborate/”win-win” solutions


Levels of Conflict Resolution

Stop fighting by suppressing the dispute

Settle the dispute through negotiation

Resolve the underlying reasons for the dispute

Forgive the other party and yourself Reconcile the relationship


Levels of Conflict Resolution

50% Stop 75% Settle 95% Resolve 99% Forgive100% Reconcile

Degree ofSuccess Satisfaction

External/Impersonal

Internal/Personal


Three BasicAreas of Conflict

Resolution:Perception

andCommunication


Perception and Conflict Resolution


Perception

Mature Lady, Pretty Girl Slide


Perception Definition

Perception - a: a mental image b: quick, acute, and intuitive cognition.

Problem Misperception - a: an unfounded or mistaken

impression, notion, or mental image. b: something that is falsely or delusively believed or propagated.

Hallucination - a: “Something that we make-up in our minds, and then act on as though it was real.” -- Bill Hobbs. b: may take individual or group form.

Solution Thoughtful Pause - a: recognition that “your

mind often plays tricks on you.”


Communication andConflict Resolution


Communication Skills Active Listening

Listening is the first step to resolving a conflict. Hearing and Listening are not the same.

Hearing is physiological. Listening is psychological. There’s a difference between listening for what you

want to hear versus what is actually said/meant. Open, honest feedback only comes after

there’s open, honest permission . . . No-holds-barred honesty Complete confidentiality No retaliation


Communication Skills Active Listening (continued)

Encouraging Use this when you are seeking candor/honesty

Clarifying Use this when you are seeking understanding

Restating Use this to check on the accuracy of your

listening Reflecting

Use this when a party shows an emotion Validating

Use this to show empathy, agreement or to reward candor/honesty


Communication Skills Active Listening Example

P1: “Any opinions on the Xmas party?”--Encouraging P2: “Why are we changing the location?” P1 : “So you prefer the old location?”-- Clarifying P2 : “Yes, it was really convenient for everybody.” P1 : “So location is most important?”-- Restating P2 : “Yeah, the party committee didn’t ask anyone!” P1 : “You seem really angry about this.”-- Reflecting P2 : “You bet I am!” P1 : “That’s good . Let’s talk about it.”-- Validating

and Encouraging


Communication Skills Effective Speaking

Neutralize the situation Take the sting out of your words Take the sting out of your body language Take the sting out of the location Take the sting out of the power imbalance

Confirm the message. Check to see if: You said it clearly They heard what you meant


Communication Skills Effective Speaking (continued)

“I” Messages . . . “When you (the behavior of the listener), I (the behavior of the speaker) because I (the source of the conflict inside

the speaker). So, what I’d like you/us to do is (a solution

suggested by the speaker).”


Communication Skills Effective Speaking (continued)

“I” Messages Example . . . “When you don’t tell me the task is a priority, I may not finish it when you need it because I am focused on my normal workload. So, what I’d like you to do is tell me your

deadline when you give me the task.”


Building a Conflict-SafeOrganizational Culture


Building a Conflict-Safe Culture

Generate Trust with Sincere, Effective Apologies. . . Admit it. Apologize. Make it right. Two types of apologizes

“I’m sorry I did . . .” “I’m sorry about the impact this is having on

you.” Stop the Gossip and Fairytales

Talk directly to the other person(s). Have a No Gossip Day or Zone. Make No

Gossip Signs.


Building a Conflict-Safe Culture (continued)

Resolve, Don’t Settle Conflicts Settling often means suppression of the

conflict – “Peace At Any Price.” Resolving means a genuine peace and

personal growth. Consider Interests, Not Positions

Seek Understanding, Not Blame Explore the Why’s behind the conflict

permits collaborative and creative problem-solving.

Encourage Emotional Intelligence


EmotionalIntelligence

And Conflict Resolution


Fairytale ConflictsThe Proper Prince


Witch(es)(evil-doer)

Perceived

Foul Deed(s)

Reques

t/

Deman

d

Request/Demand

Invitatio

nEmotional

Intelligence



Emotional Intelligence(From “The End of Management” by Ken Cloke)

Self-Awareness The ability to recognize and

understand our moods, emotions and drives, and their effect on others

Self-Regulation The ability to control or redirect

insensitive impulses and moods The propensity to suspend

prejudgments, stereotyping, and assumptions -- thinking before acting


Emotional Intelligence (continued) Motivation

Always ask, “What are my intentions?” Ideally, a passion to work/live for

reasons that express our higher, inter-connected self.

Empathy The ability to understand the emotional

makeup of people by “walking in their shoes.”

Social Skill The ability to find common ground,

build rapport, and create networks with those who we may be at odds.

Documents

Bill White--Copyright 20021 Conflict Resolution Skills in the Workplace Bus. 200 Prof. Bill White