How to Win Friends and Influence People

“How to Win Friends and Influence People”

By: Dale Carnegie

Author

o Dale Carnegieo Self-help guru, author, lecturer,

course developero Scholar/Abraham Lincolno Teacher of Warren Buffeto Also wrote: Lincoln the

Unknown, and Stop Worrying Start Living

o Died at 66 in 1955

“How to Win Friends and Influence People”

o First published in 1937o Written for course

“Effective Speaking and Human Relations

o Overnight sensation and international bestseller

o Currently sold over 15 million copies

o Still relevanto Revised in 1981 by

Dorothy Carnegie and Arthur R. Pell

Warren Buffett on Dale Carnegie

Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Dealing with People

1. Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain2. Give Honest and Sincere

Appreciation3. Arouse in the other person an eager

want

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

o Abraham Lincoln wrote letters condemning his opponents when he was a lawyer

o Anonymouso James Shields

challenged to duelo “Judge not that ye not

be judged”o Didn’t criticize or scold

General Meade when he cost them the war

o Tried to understand Meade’s point of view

Principle 2: Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

o A persons desire for praise is as fundamental as need for food and water

o Feeds “desire to feel important”o Easier to criticize for mistakes than to

praise accomplishmentso Praise even little accomplishments

frequentlyo Encourages positive environment and

moraleo NOT flattery

“I am anxious to praise but loathe to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.”

- Charles Schwab

Part 2: How to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people

2. Smile3. Remember names4. Be a good listener5. Talk in terms of the other person’s

interests6. Make the other person feel

important and do it sincerely

Principle 4: Be a good listener

Be a good listener

o Personal accounts of attending dinner parties

o “Most stimulating conversationalist”o People take listening as person being

interested and are flatteredo Creates more favorable impressiono People like to talk about themselves

Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests

o Theodore Roosevelt would stay up late at night before meeting with someone to research their interests

Part 3: How to Win People to your Way of Thinking

1. Avoid arguments2. Don’t say “you’re wrong”3. If you are wrong admit it quickly and

empathetically4. Begin in a friendly way5. Get the other person saying “yes

yes” immediately6. Let the other person do the talking

7. Let the other person feel that the idea his his or hers

8. Try to see things from the other point of view9. Be sympathetic to the other persons

ideas and desires10. Appeal to nobler motives11. Dramatize your ideas12. Throw down a challenge

Part 4: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Causing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation

2. Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly

3. Talk about your own mistakes first4. Ask questions instead of giving

orders

5. Let the other person save face6. Praise the slightest and every

improvement7. Give the other person a fine

reputation to live up to8. Use encouragement, make the fault

seem easy to correct9. Make people glad about doing what

you want

Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving orders

Ask questions instead of giving orders

o “You might consider this…”o “Do you think that would work?”o “Maybe if we were to phrase it this

way it would be better”

ReviewPros: Easy to read/entertaining Well written/organized Examples to build strong arguments Examples from history, public figures, personal,

ordinary people in course Written for everyone: managers, leaders, every

day relationships

Cons: Seems to encourage one to always strive to

please Some principles repeated and just worded

differently

Useful for PR Practitioners?

• Useful to everyone who works with people

• Foundation of PR is trust and honesty/shows how to win trust

• Great application to crisis PR tells how great businessmen like Rockefeller made public apologies

• Helpful for media relations

Questions?