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Time &Chance

SIRI

RANAWAKE

S.

Pandanus Online Publications , found at the

Pandanus Books

web site , presents additional material relating to this book .

www .pandanusbooks . com . au

Time andChance

Time andChance

Siri Ranawake

PANDANUS BOOKSResearch School of Pacific and Asian StudiesTHE AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL UNIVERSITY

Cover : Design by Tammy Green- Judd and

Emily Brissenden

© Siri Ranawake 2005

This book is copyright in all

countries subscribing to the Berne convention . Apartfrom any fa

ir

dealing for

the

purpose of private study , research , criticism or review , as

permitted under the

Copyright Act , no part may be reproduced by

any processwithoutwritten permission .

Typeset in Garamond 10 .75pt on 13pt and

printed by

Pirion , Canberra

National Library of

Australia Cataloguing - in -Publication entry

Ranawake , Siri .

Time and chance .

ISBN 1 74076 172 3 .

1 . Sri

Lanka — Fiction . I . Title .

A823 . 4

Editorial inquiries please contact Pandanus Books on

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Published by

Pandanus Books , Research School of Pacific and Asian Studies ,

The Australian National University , Canberra ACT 0200 , Australia

Pandanus Books aredistributed by

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Production : Ian

Templeman , Duncan Beardand Emily Brissenden

HAT CHOGRAD500 /32061

5.25 . 06

for

my

family ,who mademe complete

Acknowledgments

This work is dedicated with great affection tomy husband Manthi,my

children Mithila , Manjula ,Manisha and Manoja, and all

themembers

ofmy family for

their unfailing encouragement and unstinting support .

My good friend Shefali Rovik provoked and stimulated me . For that

I thank her . I also thank the

team from Pandanus Books , especiallyDuncan Beard and Emily Brissenden .

Oh, cease!Must hate and death return ?Cease !Mustmen ki

ll

and die?

Cease ! Drain not to the

dregs the

urn

Of

bitter prophecy

The world isweary of

the past .

Oh ,might it die or rest at last .

'Hellas ' , composed at

Pisa in 1821

Percy Bysshe Shelley

PROLOGUE

in a bright spring morning, a woman in her middle years

stands at the window in the Sussex Street office . She

marvels at the panoramic view across Darling Harbour . She looksout fo

ra while entranced while the morning sunlight shimmers

on

the steel -blue waters . It is a clear smog -free day . She can seethe line o

f

the Blue Mountains on the horizon , benign and

beckoning .

Her thoughts take wing . She smiles as she thinks of the

menacing escarpment that brooded over her childhood home .She has escaped . The atmosphere in the office pleases her at last .She hugs her epiphany close to her heart .

She turns around and looks over the acre of

desks . Behindher , light streaming from wide windows creates a

n ambience

of

order , a pool of calm . Only Jan , the faithful administrativeassistant , sits at her desk shuffling papers , head bent , mouthpuckered in concentration .

She goes to her cubicle , checks the pots of African violetslining the window and settles down to the coming day .

Still . . . fragments ofmemories haunt her . The beauty of

a lotus blooming in the morning sun — tethered to the muddy

sediment of

the marshy waterway . Will it prise itself from its

muddy tentacles and raise its

winsome head in the slanting rays of

sunlight ?

ONE

ay after day , the April heat lingers relentlessly, vengefully .More and more , Rohini pits her adolescent will against her

mother 's insidious camouflaged domination .Hermother finds hermutinous fury unbearable . Ill feeling and frustration pollute the

air . There is little hope that Rohini will turn into the chaste , well

mannered , eminently marriageable daughter that her mother so

desires .Her elder daughter ,Malini , is full ofpromise , butwhat ' s to

become ofwilful high -spirited Rohini ?Mrs De

Silva ismousy and

innocuous , but she has a well -concealed domineering streak ,

a steely resolve .Now she heaves a sigh as she stands at the window

of

the enclosed front verandah .

She purses her lips as she watches Rohini walking in the

garden . Back and forth , back and forth . Rohini pauses awhile to

look at the mountain range on the far horizon . Then she stands

transfixed .What is she up

to ?Mrs De Silva thinks , I cannot bearthis . Something must be done .

The next morningMalini and Rohini sit

on the verandah reading .

The shutters are down and it is relatively cool .Mid -morning there

is a peremptory knock on the door . Irritated , Rohini flounces off to

investigate the source of the intrusion into the peace in the

household at

this time in the morning . She opens the

door .

Jamis , the family astrologer , glares atRohini unsmiling anddisapproving from under beetling eyebrows . No doubthehas been

Time and Chance

forewarned . He seems to have some intimation of the person whohas disrupted the wellbeing of the family . He carefully anddeliberately lets down his sarong and smooths the folds, barelytaking his eyes o

ff

her .Rohini shuffles her feet . Feeling rattled ,

she suffers extreme discomfort , a deep sense of foreboding .

He

leans his umbrella against a pillar , leaves his dustyslippers b

y

the doorstep , and wipes his grimy feet slowly anddeliberately o

n the doormat . He looks directly at Rohini . Heknows that , as the keeper of family secrets , he is a cut above meretradespeople , who enter the house through the back door . He is

confident ofhis place in the social hierarchy .

Why is he here ? Discomfited , Rohini leads the way to the farend o

f

the enclosed verandah where Jamis usually sits .

He continues to glance darkly at Rohini as he arranges his

soiled books and settles down gingerly on the edge of

his chair .

Malini disappeared into her bedroom on his arrival .Rohini

grabs a book and escapes into the garden . She sits on the woodenbench under the spreading guava tree . The sky is a canopy of rainclouds . She yearns to g

o

far beyond the dark mountain range that

looms on the horizon . She slumps on the bench . There is no

escape . She is hemmed in .

Themountain range draws her attention like a magnet .Her yearning takes o

n urgent contours . The assurance thatsomeday she will escape surfaces in her restless mind . She vowsfervently that she will go fa

r

away .

Then her thoughts stray .What is she trying to escape from ?

She has a comfortable home . It ' s boring sometimes ,but she thinksthat her parents love her . O

f

course , they have secrets from oneanother . But don ' t most families ? No , it ' s something else .

The past imprisons her . Her grandmother ' s voice is in herear intoning the sagas of

heroic kings endowed with larger -than

life talents who built great cities and even greater reservoirs of

water that turned this island into the granary of

the adjacent lands .

You remember King Dutugemunu , our beloved king ? He and his

10 yodayas , the giant warriors , vanquished the

Damila king Elara and

Time and Chance

saved our Sinhala Buddhist island . He built the

shining dagoba , the

Ruwanvelisaya . . . the one we saw when we were in Anuradhapura .

Remember ?King Dutugemunu , who lived fo

r

a while in these

mountains , looms large , his heroic deeds in vanquishing theTamils and reclaiming the island a

s the home of

the Sinhala

Buddhists , is the stuff of Rohini ' s dreams ; its blood and goresometimes in her nightmares a

swell . Itmatters so little now .Who

cares ?

we

Soberly , she reflects that the desire to escape is not unique to her .

It is a common human instinct . It surfaces when we

read ,whenwe watch a movie , when life becomes a burden . It is a life force

that she hopes will eventually propel her from the irksomerestrictions o

f life in an overcrowded , claustrophobic island

abundantly stocked with legends , superstitions , irrational beliefs ,

gods , spirits and demons .

The book she is trying hard to read sits on her lap .

Irritation rises deep within . Why do

Hindus and Buddhists

believe so fervently in astral and planetary influences upon thedestiny o

f human life ? Is her mother so backward as to seek

reassurance in the stars by

getting an ignorant old man to read the

family horoscopes that were cast at birth ? Contempt for her

mother rises within as she glares at themountain range .

After a couple of

hours , she comes back into the house . She enterstentatively through the side door and slips into the corridor that

leads to their bedrooms . There is no one about as she sneaks intoher room . An unnatural silence pervades .

Lunch is a quiet meal . She does not look directly at

anyone . She catches Menika , their ayah , throwing unusuallypitiful glances at her . Their mother , Amma , is tight - lipped withdowncast eyes . Rohini cannot decipher her mood . She shifts her

Time and Chance

glance to her sister .Malini appears infected by the silence . Sheeats her food without a word . The familiar feeling of contempttowards her sister rises within Rohini . S

he ' s hopeless . She wouldn ' t

know anything .Later unease grips Rohini . Imust find out what ' s happened . Sheoverhears snatches o

f

conversation between her mother and

Menika notmeant for

her ears , while she shadows them for therest o

f

the afternoon . She senses that something of great

significance has transpired . The low tones , scattered words andglances o

f complicity between them , the furtive eyes that scanaround — she observes a

ll

this apprehensively while standing in

the shadows or

behind a curtain . It unnerves her .

This is much more than the usual complaints about herwaywardness . “We have to keep a

n eye on her . . . I don ' t really

know what to do . She is so headstrong . ' The voices fade away as

they sense Rohini ' s presence , as they notice her silhouette in thedoorway .

Rohini is in her room trying hard read while her anxious thoughts

drift .Menika comes in , ostensibly to collect her soiled clothes for

the dhobi . Furtively , Rohini looks up .Menika ' s furrowed brow and

serious demeanour daunt her . Shemust not raise the subject withMenika . It is not couth to be too familiar with servants . But thenMenika is n

o

mere servant . Determined , Rohini thinks , I am

entitled to know what obviously concerns me and me alone . They haveno right to keep IT from me .

She plunges in rashly . She looks directly at Menika , 'Why

was Jamis here today ?

Menika looks elsewhere as she smooths the sheets on the

bed . She tucks the sheet in at the corners and counters in a low

voice , 'He read your horoscope . Hamu says that he said you will

do well in your studies but . . . ’her voice trails away .

Time and Chance

Filled with dread , Rohini implores tremulously, childishly ,

‘Please ,Menika , Imust know what he said .' She gulps , 'I don 'tlike th

elook o

n Amma ' s face . Am Igoing to die soon ?

Menika looks horrified . 'Aiyo ! Baby Hamu ! Don ' t talksuch nonsense . Who said anything about dying ? Here she was

tempting the gods with loose talk . To still her own fears and to

break the taboo , Menika shouts aloud her denial of

any such

possibility .

Pausing by

the door , Menika calms down and searchesRohini ' s face . Overcome with pity ,Menika ' s eyes soften visibly .

She says vaguely that Rohinimust be careful in dealing with theopposite sex , as it will affect her reputation .

Jamis believes that later on the stars will be so aligned as

to

have amalefic effect on her public face just at the time she comes

of

age . Very gently , Menika goes on , ‘Baby Hamu , a young girl

must be very careful . You know how people talk behind your back .

Then it spreads like wildfire . If there is talk you will never be able

tomake a good match . Thatmeans your whole life will be ruined . '

Rohini is appalled and struck dumb . She turns away to thewindow a

s angry tears sting her eyes .

Dinner is near -silent and , toRohini , an unappetising meal .Hermother throws glances of concern and tries to coax her to eat .

Gently , she says , 'You hardly ate anything at lunchtime . Try

to eat

just a bit

more .

Rohini pushes her plate aside and beats a hasty retreat to

her room . She is restless and troubled . She lies in bed in the darkand watches the play o

f light on

the ceiling asa gentle breeze

outside stirs the gauze curtains , letting in chinks ofmoonlight .

She switches on the light , goes to her narrow desk and

takes out her diary , which , up until now , contained only mundaneentries : ‘Talk to Shanti about poem . ' Netball practice . '

She is overcome with the desire to put her thoughts on

paper . To still her mind , she writes , “Today Amma got myhoroscope read by

Jamis . He is a taciturn prophet of doom and

I hate him . He vaguely said that my future is secure but he

Time and Chance

cautioned that my good looks would invite the attentions of theopposite sex. Menika told me that he harped on this over andover until Amma took him seriously . I feel he has placed a blemishon my character. I vow that when I fall in love, Iwill be faithfulforever .

In the following days , nothing is said directly to Rohini. EvenMenika clams up after her initial revelation . She is now lessbrusque, less intimidating. But Rohini 's status in the householdhas changed irrevocably . She feels it in her bones. It hangs in the

air . She feels cast out , an outsider in her own home .

A curse has been placed on her . She knows from childhood

fairytales that curses are powerful and can

alter the course of

one ' s

life .Of course , they are usually undone if the cause and nature can

be

named . For her , the opportunity never comes .Neither she norher mother can speak o

f

her 'weakness ' openly . Even dauntlessMenika remains tight - lipped . Cast adrift , Rohini makes a secretpact with herself with the words 'never ever ' attached to it . Thehurt is deep and a

n angry sense of injustice haunts her .

TWO

In a sticky April morning ,Menika 's loud scolding voice seepsinto Rohini 's consciousness as she is jolted awake. Her

dreams were troubled and, in the early morning hours , she

tries to

shrug off an indefinable darkness in her soul . She turns on her

side , trying hard to muffle the sound of raised voices emanating

from the backyard . But further sleep becomes impossible . The

repeated clatter of

the steel bucket and the splash ofwater on the

concrete floor , intermingled with Menika ' s loud tones , infuriateher . She hears the subdued replies ofSoma , their cook . There shegoes again letting Menika bully her .

Rohini sighs and stretches , shrugging off

the thin cotton

sheet . She dangles her feet over the edge of the bed , seeking thecoolness o

f

themorning air . It is school holidays and she does not

have to get

out of

bed just yet. Then she remembers her father ' s

announcement last night . It was the longest sentence uttered at

the end ofa near -silent meal . The silences are long among

members of

this family .Reticence is the norm .

Last night after dinner , as he got up

from his chair ,Mr DeSilva had declared briefly , directing his glance towards RohiniandMalini , ' I think I ' ll do the New Year shopping tomorrow . ' Itwas a

statement .No response was expected .

Now , as she lies in bed , Rohini reflects that last year , forthe first time , hehad permitted the two girls to go with him to the

shops , though he had ignored their pleadings in previous years .

Time and Chance

Does he finally acknowledge that they are growing up ?He did not

say

anything more in the intervening months but perhaps thisyear too they can g

o

with him .Momentarily ,her spirits lift.

She recoils at the chill of the concrete floor beneath her

bare feet as she gets out of

bed . The cotton rug that is usuallythere has slipped underneath the bed . She goes to the window

and opens the heavy rose -patterned curtains as well as the centralstrip o

f

white gauze . The perfume of jasmines underneath herwindow mingled with that o

f

the frangipani blooms at

the edge of

the garden , wafts in . The morning breeze revives her . Shebreathes in deeply , stands back , smiles , and stops to observe thedancing dust motes twinkling in the shaft o

f sunlight that streams

into her room .

At this time of the day , the April heat is in abeyance . Shelooks out towards the line of blue mountains in the distance .

Gladness seeps into her . There is no mist and there is no hint

of menace . The translucent morning sky , flushed with the dawn ,

is so typical ofa hot day ahead . The glow of the rising sun rims

the bland -looking mountain range . But , even as she continues to

observe , eagerly anticipating the day ahead , the heat hoversominously over the range .

She cannot shake off the feelings of

otherness , of being

a stranger in the land of her birth . These mountains trap her .

If Menika and Amma believe that truth lies in horoscopes , then

itmust be true . She is angry . She does not want to believe . But

a residual fear lingers . She sighs deeply . In her world , howeverbizarre their beliefs ,Menika and Amma a

re trustworthy sources .

She turns away from the window .Menika comes into theroom . In the light streaming in ,Rohini sees Menika ' s bulky , rawboned body exuding aggression and authority , the glints of grey

hair fringing her dark face , the large piercing eyes with which sheexerts control over both Rohini and her sister , over the entirehousehold . The eyes appear kohl -rimmed but Menika wouldnever permit such vanity . She is tall for a village woman ,

unlettered , but with a stock of conventions , superstitions and

Time and Chance

arcane codes of hierarchical behaviour that, in Rohini's eyes ,endow her with authority .

In rare moments of weakness , she permits her undoubtedaffection for Rohini — drawn from memories of a helpless baby in

her care — to soften the glare in her eyes .Now , however , the

stern

look is well in place , the circles round her eyes dark as

ever as

she

barges into Rohini ' s room without knocking . Defiantly , Rohinicontinues to dawdle b

ythe window , daring to ignore her presence .

“Aha ! You are awake , Baby Hamu . Come on ,have a wash

and get ready soon . You are both going to the shops today . '

Menika ' s brisk tone ,holding excitement for the new day ,galvanisesher into action . As usual , Menika acts a

s her reticent parents '

mouthpiece . How does she know that Thatha will permit hisdaughters to accompany h

im

?

Sunlight streams into the dining room , lighting up

the heavy

mahogany sideboard and long dining table . She and her sister ,

Malini , whom she calls Akka , are too excited to eat . Menika

comes in briskly and stands by

the table , her bare feet plantedfirmly o

n

the polished concrete floor .

Intimidated as usual by

her presence , the girls meekly sit

at

their places and watch Menika as

she expertly cuts slices from the

loaf on the breadboard . They munch the bread rapidly and gulpdown the glasses o

f

hot milk placed before them . In a rush , theyescape onto the front verandah to wait fo

r

their father ,who has had

an early breakfast and is now getting ready to go

down to the town .

Mr De Silva comes out , saying briskly , ‘Come on the two of

you . Imust finish the shopping and catch the two o 'clock train to

Kandy . ' As always , Rohini looks at him admiringly : his fairskinned , tall lean frame still youthful , his carriage that lends him a

vaguely aloof , aristocratic air . Ashe stands foramoment very near

her , she

observes his clear eyes , the pupils rimmed with blue . He is

dressed in a crisp white cotton shirt and dark brown trousers .

14 Time and Chance

Rohini trips lightly through the gate , feeling themorning breezeon her cheeks. For now, The Curse is lodged firmly at the back ofher mind and the shopping adventure beckons. As they come outto the road , she sniffs the tangy smell of themana grass on eitherside . The road is a thin ribbon of tarmac that leads from their

mountain -top to the township below , ringed by the brooding

escarpment .Rohini andMalini follow their father, who strides ahead .

As the trees thin out, Rohini can see the rice fields in the narrowvalley beside the railway line lying heavy and golden , ready fo

r

harvest . The hot sun beats down on their bare heads . The last

spasm of

heat before the

rains .

Soon the road is bordered on either side by straggling tea

bushes with their tenacious hold on the rocky mountainside . The

usually dark -emerald , glossy leaves are coated with dust . Rohiniremarks to Malini , who is trying to keep u

pwith their father ' s

long strides , 'Hope the rains come soon and wash the dust fromthe tea bushes . '

Malini looks at herwith her usual exasperated expression

and heaves a sigh . She says nothing and keeps walking ata steady

pace .

Rohini dawdles by

the wayside . Fascinated , she watchesthe tea -pluckers working in a ceaseless rhythm , mechanicallypicking two leaves and a bud and flinging handfuls over their

shoulders into the large wicker baskets they carry on their backs .

She reflects sadly on the monotony of

their days . Can ' t they take

a day offto do their New Year shopping ? It does not seem right

thatRohini and her family are able to drop everything and just go

off

to the shops while these poor women must work till nightfall

when they deliver the tea leaves to the factory high on

the hill .

'Come on will you ? 'Malini calls out impatiently . Startled ,

Rohini sees that their father iswell ahead , disappearing round thenext bend .

As they come to the fringes of the town at this high level ,

they can see the teeming main street below . They follow their

Time and Chance

father, who is head and shoulders above the crowd . Quitenaturally , the crowd parts, leaving a clear path fo

r

them . A certaindeference eases their passage .

Along the main street , shops sell gaudy technicolouredsaris ,which flutter gaily from their hooks in the roofs , and displays

of long tubes of

red , blue and green glass bangles flecked withgold . They walk past the only bookshop ,which is their favourite

haunt . Rohini lingers awhile at the florist shop ,where sheaves of

yellow goldenrod and red and pink anthuriums add colour to thescene . She glances ahead , taking in the line of shops that tapersaway to the marketplace where fresh fish and chunks o

f flyblown

meat are displayed on chopping blocks . There is a drift of

litter

along themain street .

The township is a key station on the up-country line so

the railway station has pride of place in the centre of

the town .

There is a clock tower in the centre as well , with the Roman

Catholic cathedral beside it . The post office and the unpretentiousAnglican Church with it

s

tall spire are high on the hill above the

town . The encompassing escarpment broods overhead , dark andmenacing .

The putrid smell of rotting garbage filling the drains at the

entrance to the shops assails their nostrils . Rohini andMalinipullout the 4711 -soaked handkerchiefs that Menika had placed in

their dress pockets . They cover their noses as they enter their

neighbour Carvalho ' s shop .

Rohini ' s heart beats rapidly . The butterflies in her stomachflutter uncontrollably . She is full ofhope that their father willpermit them to select thematerials for their new dresses .Neatlyfolded saris , bright and garish , line the shelves up to the roof .

Despite the gloom , their colours are clearly evident . There is no

one else in the shop , unlike the makeshift shops across the road ,

which are teeming with people . It is generally acknowledged thatCarvalho ' s caters to the immediate needs of the public servantsand professionals stationed here in between their shopping sprees

to Colombo .

Time and Chance

The sole salesman , a dark -skinned angular youth , hoversnervously around awaiting their father's orders .AtMrDe Silva'sloud dictum , 'Show us the best -quality imported material youhave in the shop ', he scrabbles around the shelves looking forbolts of imported cloth . Imported from England , of course ; noneof the cheap Indian or Chinese materials , the colours of whichrun in the first wash .

Bolts of cloth are quickly pulled out and spread on the shelfwith a flourish .MrDe Silva looks for the 'Made in England ' labelon each bolt . Satisfied , he asks Malini and Rohini to select thematerial in the auspicious colour blue fo

r

their dresses .

Rohini brushes Malini aside as she reaches out to the bolts

of

cloth that catch her eye . Their father walks around rapidlypicking u

pa blue sari inconspicuously threaded with silver for his

wife , blue and green checked sarongs for

Banda , the

servant boy ,

and Enoch , their gardener , lengths ofmaterial for Menika andSoma . Their purchases are neatly wrapped in brown paper and

tied up

with red twine by

the grovelling salesman . The odd - job

boy is called in from the back of

the shop and he

trots behind

them back up

the hill to their house .

They are late for

lunch . Menika is prowling outside ,impatient for their return . She blurts out , ‘Lunch is on the table ' ,but does not dare berate them for being late a

s MrDe Silva is

present . Her face a thundercloud , she grabs the packages andorders the cowering boy from the shop to g

o through the side

garden to the back of

the house and wait for her there .

After lunch , Rohini sees him emerging through the backdoor wearing a

n

outsize shirt . Hewipes his grinning mouth andstuffs some coins and notes into the capacious pocket o

f

his new

shirt . No doubt , he has been fed and given somemoney beforebeing sent back to the shop . It pleases her .

THREE

have asked Margaret to come tomorrow morning to get the

Imeasurements for

your New Year dresses , ” says their mother , as

they get ready for

bed . Rohini is excited at the prospect . If their

father thinks they are grown up

enough to select the materials

then she is sure that Ammawill let her select a pattern fromMargaret ' s journals . She awakes early next morning and decides

to walk in the garden until breakfast .

It is a muggy sort ofday presaging rain , but usually the rains

do not come until after the New Year . Rohini looks at the range of

mountains that shut out the world . As always , she has a sense thatthere is a place fo

r

her far

beyond that mountain range .

Despondently , she thinks , I am hemmed in . They will not let

meescape and g

o

far

away .

The New Year festivities are far

from her mind . Thefamiliar melancholy linked to the astrologer ' s terrible predictionsettles in and shrouds her while she goes in for breakfast , cravingsolitude , unwilling to face the others . She has no appetite fo

r

food , but she is expected at the table . Amma and Akka are

already seated and Menika glares at

her and asks , ‘Baby Hamu ,

where were you ?

Rohini mutters under her breath , ‘ Iwas out in the garden . '

Hermother gives her a piercing look but remains silent .

She looks up

at

the clock on the wall , 'The two of you betterfinish breakfast . Margaret will be here soon . '

Time and Chance

Rohini'smood changes.Right on cue , there is a knock on the front door and

Rohini rushes to open it. Margaret is puffing with exertion andwiping the sweat from her brow with a large red handkerchief .She smiles good -naturedly and says breathlessly , ' This long walkand those steps will killmeone day !'Margaret goes to the fa

r

end of

the front verandah and sets

her capacious bag down on

the

table in the corner . This containsherMcCall ' s journals , samples o

f

cloth , rolls of handmade laceand spools o

f

coloured thread , which she will carefully match to

the fabric of

the garments she will tailor for

them .

Rohini is eager to look at

the journals before Amma comes

in , butdaresnot do so . AsMrs De Silva comes through the door ,

Margaret , who by

now has started spreading out the contents of

her bag , picks up one of the journals and says cheerfully , 'Hamu ,

this new journal was given tome by

Mrs Perera , the judge ' swife ,

who got it during her last visit to London .

Her mother merely glances at the proffered journal . She

remains stony -faced , silent . Rohini scrutinises her face carefully ,

trying hard to decipher her set expression .

The irrepressible Margaret goes on , 'Rohini is becoming

fussy about her clothes and teasesme aboutmy battered journals .

So I thought shemight like to have a look at this new journal . '

Rohini is anxious and wishes Margaret had not said that .

She prays that Malini will come out to support her , butMalini is

in her room , unable to leave David Copperfield , totallydisinterested in the rest o

fthe household .

Conditioned by

her disciplined upbringing ,Mrs De Silvausually wears a fixed , impassive expression , but Rohini does notthink it reflects equanimity .Now her brow is furrowed and Rohini

is fearful and apprehensive . Her insipid , innocuous mother is

capable of

rare flashes of

anger . Mrs De Silva calls out to Menika ,

‘Bring a cup of tea

for

Margaret Nona ' , glares atRohini and sitsdown carefully and deliberately opposite Margaret .

Time and Chance

With rare spirit, she says firmly , 'Don 't take any notice ofwhat Rohini says . Show me the patterns and Iwill decide what issuitable fo

r

the girls . '

Rohini is tired of being a child . The happy mood shewas in afterpurchasing the sky -blue crepe d

e Chine with white polka dots ,

which she had hoped to turn into a stylish , grown - up

dress ,

quickly dissipates . She will have to be satisfied with a demureconventional dress with a picot edging and high white collar . Shesighs . Amma is so partial to picotedging .

She seethes inwardly but slinks away , reluctant to make

a scene . She pretends to give in nonchalantly mainly to preserve

Margaret ' s regard . She resents the lack of opportunity to exercise

her judgment . Here she is on the cusp of hormonal change ,

neither a child nor an adult , in a sort of no -man ' s - land . No oneunderstands her . She has a strong aversion to obeying orders and

she has a blithe disregard of

Menika ' s petty conventions , thoughshe still does not dare challenge her .

It is New Year ' s Day . The household sounds and Menika ' s loudhectoring voice reach Rohini earlier than usual . Everyone has to

have a bath and dress in new , unwashed clothes . The focus is on

the 'newness ' to start off

the New Year on April 13 . The almanac ,

the Epa Litha , dictates the auspicious times for each event of theday . The previous night after dinner ,Menika , Banda , Enoch andSoma were summoned to the dining room . As they gathered

around her ,Mrs De Silva read out the time to light the hearth ,

the auspicious time to sit

down for

the first meal . Then shehanded them their new clothes .

Rohini comes out of her room and bumps intoMalini ,whohas already had her bath and is going into her room to dress .Once

in a while , Malini feebly asserts her authority and seniority :

‘Haven ' t you had a bath yet ?Hurry up

and get dressed . '

Time and Chance

Rohini returns to her room and takes out her new dress from the

wardrobe . The delicate aroma of the sandalwood chips thatAmma always places between the folds of their clothes wafts

around as she holds it up for

scrutiny .She decides that it ' s not thatold -fashioned after al

l , despite the inevitable picot edged sleevesand high white collar .

She puts it on and preens in front of

Amma ' s floor -lengthmirror . She likes the way the skirt swirls round her narrow girlishhips .Momentarily , she sweeps u

p

her hair and decides that she

looks like one of

the languid models in Margaret ' s journal .

Uncharacteristically , she skips along the corridor andsmiles a

t everyone as she joins the others , who have gathered

round the hearth in the kitchen . The usual clutter round the

fireplace has been cleared . She notes with pleasure that all

the

servants are dressed in their stiff new clothes .Thatha looks a

t

his wristwatch every now and then . Somaarranges the kindling underneath the new clay pot that sits filled

to the brim with fresh milk . She balances the pot on the large

stones with care and a certain kind of reverence . The pot ofmilksignifies prosperity in the months to come .

Rohini cannot stand still . She keeps shifting her feet andMalini gives her one of her looks . Finally ,MrDe Silva says , “ It ' stime . Hiswife strikes amatch and lights the hearth . They watchthe seething milk mount to the top and run down the sides o

f

the

now blackened pot . The milk is emptied into a jug

and a pot of

rice is placed the fire . Coconutmilk is added to the rice and they

wait for it to cook .

There is enough time until the auspicious hour for

the first

ceremonial meal . The family wanders off

to the front verandah

and MrDe Silva settles down in his armchair with the newspaper .

He looks at his watch from time to time .Mrs De Silva goes into

the dining room and the kitchen , supervising the laying of thetable . An hour or so later , at the time dictated by

the almanac ,

they sit

down for the meal . The cacophony of

firecrackers

heralding the New Year is heard all

the way down the hill . Banda

Time and Chance

makes his deafening contribution and joins the servants , whohave gathered together at the kitchen table .

The table is draped with the special lacy tablecloth . Thereare platters ofmilk rice cut into diamond shapes , dishes piled highwith sweets, fish and meat curries , and savoury dishes of crushed red

chillies and chopped onion . A bowl of fruit , signifying prosperity ,

with slender red

and green bananas , sweet bright yellow bananasand mangos , occupies pride of place beside a crystalbowl in whichfloat sweet -smelling frangipani flowers .

The Sinhalese and Tamil people , the Buddhists andHindus , share the same New Year in April . Apart from commonfestivals , the cultural confluences are many and should make forharmony between the two groups . Culture is aweb of signs ,messages

to be

decoded for

hidden meanings . The New Year rituals

following the harvest of

the rice crop are an attempt to ensure

fruitfulness and prosperity for

the rest of

the year . The use of

milk

and honey in sweetmeats and the overflowing milk from the new

earthenware pot signify the continuous flow of

food and drink . In

retrospect , it seems to Rohini a pathetic clutch ata moment in

timewhen there is an abundance of food in the larder and the rice

box is full — a fervent attempt to make it last forever .

Their first visitor for the New Year is Mrs De Silva ' s friend MrsJayasuriya . The dining table is not cleared , as visitors are expectedthroughout the day to express good wishes and share the festive

fare . It has become customary for Mrs Jayasuriya to visit them as

she had stated a couple of years ago in their hearing that their ' s

was a prosperous household and an auspicious one for a first visit .

Mrs De

Silva has few

friends , as her broken Englishprecludes friendship with the wives o

f

other dignitaries in the

town . Rohini regardsmost of her other friends , who chatter away

in Sinhalese ,with contempt .

The front door is left open in anticipation of

visitors .MrDe Silva leaves soon after the family meal to visit an old friend

Time and Chance

who lives alone in a small house in the foothills .Mrs DeSilva haspacked a box with milk rice, curries in small containers andsweets fo

r

the old man . He gives her a dismissive glance as he

scoffs at her protest that this is not the most auspicious house fora

first visit . 'What rubbish ! ' he says as he picks up

the parcel and

heads for the door .There is a trickle o

f

visitors ,mostly neighbours , all

day . In

between ,Malini and Rohini accompany Amma on a few

visits .

At

the end of

the day , they feel sick after nibbling a variety of

sweets and go

to bed early . The next day , Amma goes with Banda

to the Jayasuriya home . Rohini helps Menika pack the box of

goodies for them . In addition to the packets of

condiments and

spices ,Mrs De

Silva places a tin of Huntley and Palmers assortedcream biscuits and a box o

f Cadbury chocolates in the box .

FOUR

Ms.

The holidays are over. Malini and Rohini are

woken up early

I on the first day of school by

Menika as she goes from room to

room : ‘Baby Hamu , come on get up !We ' ll have to go

to the well

for

your baths before school . '

The brief monsoon rains after the harvest did nothing to

improve their water supplies . On the border of the rice fieldsacross the road from their front garden there is a public well fe

d

by

an underground spring , with cool clear water constantly over

flowing to the adjacent fields .

“Baby Hamu , the two of you ! Let ' s go before too manypeople come to thewell . You both well know that I don ' t like to

take you there to bathe in front ofso many prying eyes , 'Menika

shouts while gathering up

their towels , soap and clean underwear ,

stuffing them into her capacious reed bag .

The well is the meeting place of

the local Muslim and

Sinhalese wives of

the rice farmers . They gossip while washing

their clothes and their children before bathing themselves .

Menika and the girls cross the road at a fast pace and find just

a couple of

women ,who smile shyly at them .Menika greets themwith her baleful stare and , behind her back , Rohini smiles boldly

at

them .

Shielding them from curious glances with her bulky body ,

Menika gets the girls to strip down to their petticoats . Theyobediently squat on the concrete beside the well while Menika

Time and Chance

draws water in a bucket and pours it over their heads. Shecontinues to glare at the women , fending o

ff their stares ,whilevigorously scrubbing every inch o

f the girls 'bodies .

Rohini thinks that Menika has no right to feel superior to

these women . Menika seems to share the opinion that Thathafavours when h

elooks down his nose at crowds in the street and

mutters under his breath , ‘Damn hoi polloi .

On their way home , Rohini says innocently , 'Why are youangry with those women ? 'Menika starts ranting , “Useless creatures ! They have to

depend on their silly husbands for

everything . Look at me . I knowpeople in my village talk aboutmebecause I am well pastmarriageable age . ' She spits in anger . After a pause , she goes o

n , her angergathering apace , ‘They callme the poor old spinster behind my

back .What do I care ! I am independent with money in my postoffice savings book . I don ' t have to rely o

n any man . ' She stridesahead . Rohini keeps her thoughts to herself . There is no pointspeaking to Menika when she is in a contrary mood .

After breakfast ,Menika walks them to school . Her angrymood still in place , she hurries them along th

e

steep mountain

road . Rohini follows far

behind , savouring the morning breeze ,the dew -laden , lushly green grassy verge . She skims her handalong the pink mimosa that nestles amid the grass . The sleepyplant folds u

p

and goes to sleep at the touch of

her hand .Menikalooks back . Angry ather dalliance , she shouts over her shoulder ,

‘Baby Hamu , hurry up! You ' ll be late for school .

They pass a group of

tea - pluckers wrapped in threadbaresaris . Contemptuously , Menika mutters under her breath , ‘Lowclass . ' The sulky protuberance o

f her lower lip indicates herdispleasure . What have they done to incur her wrath ? Rohini

dares not ask .

Apologetically , the women cringe and automatically fallinto single file to give the others space on the narrow road . Thefolds o

f

their saris barely cover their sagging breasts . Their ears aretorn b

y

the weight of

their nuggetty gold earrings and their only

Time and Chance

worldly possessions hang in shreds from their shoulders .Frightened smiles split their betel -stained red lips. Rohini decidesthat it is not mere respect or deference that moulds their

behaviour , but fear,which goes hand in hand with poverty. Thisthought pains her and she boldly smiles at them . She is notallowed to say thanks . In any case , she does not know their patois .Her affection fo

r

Menika is fast eroding . She feels resentful . Butshe dares not speak out .

The convent school occupies a vast hill . The classrooms arelocated in a cavernous barn -like building that used to b

ea tea

factory .A winding path leads to an imposing white bungalow on

the brow of

the hill . It is the sprawling home of the Carmelitenuns who teach the mainly Buddhist girls . Sister Mary Maurice ,

the Mother Superior , is also their English teacher . The gentle ,

bespectacled Sister Melanie plays God Save the King and Rule

Brittania on

the grand piano at assembly . During singing classes

she plays , ' I know a bank where the wild thyme grows ' , her facevacant , dreamily savouring each note . She also givesMalini andRohini music lessons in the cool convent parlour .

Rohini ' smind strays to the dark mutterings among the

Buddhist townsfolk about the insidious nature of

conversion

practised by

the Roman Catholics . Her mother would counter in

a resigned tone , 'The convent is the only decent school for girls .

I know what people say about their efforts to convert innocent

children . But what can we do ? ' Rohini can assure them that thenuns d

o notmake any overtures to themainly Buddhist girls who

attend the school . It is left to them to attend the catechism classes

if they wish .

The girls sitin neat rows on

wooden benches . Each bench

is a single unit that encompasses a hard seat , a desk with a narrowdrain running the length of

the front edge to hold pens and

pencils ending with a circular hole to hold the bottle of ink .

Time and Chance

Generations of girls have carved names into the

desktops .Maliniand Rohini are proud owners of Parker fountain pens so their

desks do not hold bottles of

ink .

The girls stop their low

chatter as Mother Superior enters

the classroom .TheMother Superior has a fine ear for rhetorical flourishes

and displays her love of English literature with infectious

enthusiasm . In her strong resonant voice , she reads to the class of

girls who hang on her every word .

Her favourite is Wordsworth . She first reads , “ IWanderedLonely a

sa Cloud ' and stops to rhapsodise . Her cheeks are

flushed as she says , 'What joy ,what delight is expressed at

the

sight of

these first flowers of spring ! See how many words express

pleasure . Sprightly , gay, glee , bliss ! ' Rohini is transported to

England ' s green and pleasant land . SisterMaurice goes on to read

‘ Tintern Abbey ' and the richness and fullness of the language ,

the passion that her expressive reading and hermellifluous voice

evoke overwhelms Rohini . She floats in a dream -like fog all

day

long . Day after day , the vision of the English poets becomesinstalled in the landscape o

f Rohini ' s consciousness , building

a sustaining England of

the mind .

FIVE

rs De Silva and Menika are getting increasingly exasperated

IVTwith Rohini . When she is not sullenly gainsaying theirinstructions , she covets silence . After school , she is closeted in

her room reading and escaping from the unbearable restrictions of

teenage life . Menika trails wherever Malini and she go . Malini

reaches puberty and Menika grows fiercely protective of them .

They visit family friends , attend infrequent birthdayparties ,and weekend gatherings a

t the Tennis Club in the company

of

their parents . So , even on holidays ,Malini and Rohiniprefer to

stay at

home and read voraciously and thirstily from Thatha ' shuge collection o

f

books . His special collection of Everyman ' s

Library classics becomes their favourites too .He encourages them

by

recommending Dickens , Thomas Hardy , Jane Austen and theBronte sisters . Themail -order books from London ensure a constantstream o

f

books , classics in print and new publications .

Adolescent angst invades Rohini ' s soul and she is in

a contrarymood . She snaps briefly even atMenika who starts to

retort . Then ,not getting a reaction , she withdraws . Thismorningunder Amma ' s supervision ,Menika goes round stripping the bedsheets . She comes into Rohini ' s room and unceremoniously dragsthe sheets off her bed , in total silence . Rohini flounces off

outside .

Rohini turns her full adolescent scorn on

her insipid

mother . Furiously , she thinks , how can she be content withpottering around the house and garden , her needs and wants so

Time and Chance

circumscribed ? She does not read books ; her reading is confined

to scanning the headlines of the daily newspaper . Rohini is sure

that she does not read the editorials.It is with Thatha that they share books and the wider world

of social equals . He makes them read the newspapers every

morning when he is home, pointing out articles of interest .WhenMalini joined the senior class at the beginning of the year, Thathatook them in hand and pointed out the importance of reading the

editorial. 'Even if you are not interested in the daily events youmust develop the habit of reading the editorial . It is an analysis ofthemost important issues of the day.'Under th

e

Mother Superior ' s tutelage at school and herfather ' s supervision a

t home ,Rohini begins to develop an awareness

of

the relationship between language and identity . The educatedand especially those who speak English fluently are , in her eyes , theelite . Her poor mother with her broken English falls down in herscale o

f

esteem . The ubiquitous presence of grammar at school and

in her father ' sworld drives a thicker wedge between them .Sometimes she resents the pointless conventions drummed

into her , but takes for

granted that it ' s for her own good . She isbecoming aware that a good education and proficiency in English

mean social advance . Amma ' s lack of fluency in English is

a terrible handicap . Despite hermuch vaunted pedigree ,why else

do

most of

the wives of

the town ' s dignitaries ignore Amma at

local functions ?

One evening , a parcel of books from London arrives . The twosisters prise it open with impatient fingers , scattering the books on

the verandah floor while they each select the

one they want to

read . Rohini is excited when she sees Lady Chatterley ' s Loveramong them . Thatha plucks the book from her hand and sayssternly , ' I wonder whether you know that the Catholic Churchhas banned this book . I will read it first and see whether it is

suitable for the two of

you . '

Time and Chance

Boldly she declares, But Thatha , Sister Maurice said inclass that D . H . Lawrence is a great writer. Her father looks at herthoughtfully as he counters , 'We' ll see .' The banning of the bookmakes it doubly attractive. Later, MrDe Silva hands the bookover to the girls . They both dip into it , following the narrativewith ease , but do not understand the nuances and connotations .They are still both naïve and uncritical . Privately , they talk briefly

about the book and wonder what the fuss is all about.

MrDe Silva represents a combination of power and authority ,discipline and repressed emotions . He does not directly discipline

his daughters, but Rohini and Malini are rarely allowed to visittheir friends ' houses. That they do not bring any of their friendshome is by choice; Rohini is ashamed of her mother 's poorEnglish -language skills. Her fractured English and socialgaucheness are a constant source of irritation .Rohini decides thatthough they lack a degree of social acclaim they have inheritance ,talent and prospects. She decides that in spite of her mother 'smuch -vaunted pedigree , their prospects emanate from theirfather.

The entire household is very much controlled byMrDeSilva , though the actual running of it and the discipline of theservants a

re

in Amma ' s hands . He organises nothing and only on

rare occasions instructs the servants .But the awareness that he is

the master is omnipresent . His presence imposes order . All theservants are extra efficient when h

eis around . Only Menika dares

speak to him directly .

Rohini thinks that he knowsmost things worth knowing

and , on the few

occasions when he

does not know , he has a good

idea of

which authority to consult .

SIX

IV Then their father comes home after a tour of the railwaystations further up the line, Rohini searches his face keenly

and is surprised to see that his features are relaxed . The usual lookofweariness after a fe

w

days away at work ismissing and he

walks

in with a jaunty air . It is late afternoon . He hangs up

his jacket

and joins them on the verandah .He settles down on his favourite

chair and sips the cup of

tea

thatMenika brings him .

' I have been promoted to a senior position in Colombo .

I realise we can ' t move until Malini finishes her exam in

November , so I asked for

some time before I take up

the position . 'Amma is delighted . It means that she ca

n

be

near her

relatives in Colombo . ' It ' s good news ' , she beams .

Rohini goes out into the garden trying to sort out the

conflicting emotions surging through her : a certain sadness that

comes with change , a hint of regret of something coming to an

end .

She looks towards the mountain range , which is dark and

menacing under steel -grey clouds which hint at rain . She smiles

as thoughts of escape to an exciting new life beyond these

mountains . Then an ineffable sadness seeps into her at

the

thought of leaving Mother Superior .

Time and Chance

Rohini is relieved that theirmove to Colombo takes place during

the school holidays .On the last day of school ,MrDe Silva comesto the school office and pays al

l

the dues before picking up their

reports and other documents . Rohini and Malini stand outside

in a huddle of chattering girls talking endlessly about their

new school in Colombo . Rohini embellishes the bare bits of

information she has ,while her throat constricts with unshed tearsand feelings o

f

loss . Uncontrollably , the tears spill as they areushered in to say goodbye to Mother Superior .

Sister Maurice stands by

her desk in the principal ' s office .

Her cheeks are

flushed as

she says in kind tones , ' I am sure youtwo girls will do well in your new school and benefit from theadvantages that only a Colombo school can offer . ' She looks at

Rohinikeenly as the lump in Rohini ' s throat becomes unbearable .

' I am indeed sorry to see you leave . '

Rohini clumsily wipes her tears with her bare knuckles as

she whispers , 'Goodbye and thank you ' , while Malini remainssilent , her eyes downcast . There is a roar in Rohini ' s ears and shebarely hears her father ' s formal words of appreciation and farewell

as he

leads the way out of the office .

The bustle of packing , of departure , of goodbyes , leaves Rohini

physically drained , in a miasma of sadness , of closure . The lastsight o

f

the mountain range evokes a fleeting sense of

exhilaration ,

of

escape .

SEVEN

Tt is December , always Rohini 's favourite month . Even in hotI crowded Colombo , a balmy breeze sweeps across the welltended lawns and flowerbeds of the big colonialhouses and shady

avenues . It even snakes its way into the teeming slums by

therotting canal banks where blue hyacinths in full bloom clog thewaterways .

Rohini escapes the mess in the house they have retrieved

from their tenants and wanders around the garden . She was a

baby when they last lived here . She smells the salty sea

airas she

breathes in deeply . She feels languid and free , no mountain range

to hem her in . She thinks , I am in the centre of the world . She

snatches a tranquil moment , a solitude she craves , away from themess in the house and Menika ' s stressed , strident tones .

Their house stands on

a higher level than their neighbours ' .

A sea of

green spreads as

far

as the eye can see . There are no

mangoes on the gnarled old

tree in front of

the

house but theleaves reach u

p

to the skies with a promise of

abundant fruit in

April .

They have lived here intermittently , between her father ' s

postings . Both her parents call this place home . They built thishouse , with its high ceilings , casement windows , heavy timberarchitraves and doors ,wide white -pillared front portico and broadverandahs skirting the length o

f

the house . A sweeping driveleads to the house , which is se

t

in a spacious five -acre garden

Time and Chance

dotted with coconut palms, spreading mango trees and shadyjakfruit trees heavy with enormous fruit.

A constant stream of their parents' old Colombo friends andrelatives call to welcome them back . Schools have not yet

reopened after the long December holidays . The two girls pick upthreads of acquaintance with their numerous cousins. Feveredtalk of independence is in the a

ir . The Indian national anthem is

played over and over on the wireless in their dining room . Janagana mana jayake ja

y

he . . . 'Rohini does not understand the Hindi

words but the inspiring refrain plays itself endlessly in her mind .

Sadly , in India , there is little euphoria when freedom is achieved

after bloody revolution . The newspapers are full of

gory events

following the partition of

the country .

Rohini soon realises that their comfortable , somewhatpretentious home is still on the outskirts , on the periphery of thebig city . To their relatives ,who live o

n the edge of

Colombo 7 in

suburbs that aspire to be

Cinnamon Gardens , they are fringe

dwellers . On her first visit , Aunt Lillian complains , 'My God ,Akka ! I had forgotten that your house is so fa

r

out . It took us anage to get here .

When she and her daughters leave , Menika comments ,

‘Hamu , it ' s good that Lillian Hamu does not live close to us . '

Amma looks at her with an indulgent smile .Menika , as usual , has

strong opinions . Rohini asks , knowing full well what she means ,

'Why do you say that ? '

'Baby Hamu , you know how she

talks about everyone . Allthe people in Colombo will know what goes on in this house if w

e

lived close enough to her . '

EIGHT

A s before , their neighbours are a representation in miniatureOlof society. On either side of their house live two Burgherfamilies while a few Sinhalese and Tamil families live further

down the

road . Most of the Burghers , descendants of the

Portuguese and Dutch who occupied Ceylon before the British ,

are members of

the middle class . By

now the term Burgher

includes all

those of

mixed European and Asian parentage . They

are a small minority concentrated in the towns . They see themselves as 'Ceylonese 'after they suffered exclusiveness and prejudice

at the hands of

the British rulers .

After they settle into their home ,MrDe Silva ' s dark moodsbegin to surface . Because he was frequently away a

t work in thepast , the girls did not observe his changes ofmood . Now h

e

works

in the head office and travels to and from home on

a daily basis .

Rohini remembers that sometimes an unexplained silence woulddescend o

n the household and Menika would caution them in

a whisper andwith a sombre look to steer clear of their father .

NINE

Ir De Silva 's friend Mudaliyar Abeysundara lives on theVlfurthest perimeter of the sprawling city . The two familiesexchange infrequent visits and elaborate Sunday lunches.Abeysundara had retired ; he was one of the last beneficiaries of

the colonial practice of granting low - level administrativeauthority to local ‘notables ' by virtue of their position in thetraditional hierarchy . The position ofMudaliyar carries with it ahigh social status that has to be sustained by digging deep into

one's private resources frequently supplemented by the wife 'sdowry. Retirement means having to manage a veneer of prosperity

with a meagre disposable income , though Mr Abeysundara isundoubtedly rich in assets such as property .

Sunday lunch with the Abeysundara family is Mr DeSilva 's favourite weekend activity . The De Silva's chauffeur ,Sirisena ,who usually has the day o

ff , does not mind taking themout o

f

the city on Sundays because heis assured ofa sumptuous

lunch in the servant ' s quarters and an exchange of gossip with the

Walauwa servants , especially the pretty ayah , Somawathi .

Rohini ' smother also enjoys these visits , as she can relaxand engage in conversation in Sinhalese with Mrs Abeysundara ,

whose fractured English is similar to hers . They retire to a corner

of

the central living area furnished with chintzy rattan chairs ,

from where loud laughter emanates .

Time and Chance

Malini and Rohini relate well to the Abeysundara children .The eldest daughter is boarded in a school in Colombo , so they

see little of her, but Saman and Amitha are close enough to their

age to be engaging , although when they were younger they

squabbled a great deal when they played in the large garden .

The Abeysundara house , like most houses of the affluentelite , is a white -washed two -story mansion with a sweeping driveand a large garden dotted with frangipani trees fragrant with

crimson , ochre and white blooms . Borders of colourful crotonsand other tropical shrubs popular for their vivid foliage line thegravel drive . Their aged gardener , Appuhamy ,who had come fromMrs Abeysundara ' s village when she arrived here as a youngbride ,

takes a proprietary interest in the garden and now chooses to

maintain it according to his whims and tastes . No one dares to

dictate terms or

give him orders .

Rohini delights in the vista of the house as they round the

bend of

the road that is bordered on both sides byricefields . The

pewter -grey patchwork of fields that stretches to the distant line

of

trees are being prepared for the new crop by

theMudaliyar ' s

tenant farmers who live on his property a fair distance from thebig house .

A servant greets them at

the door as the Mudaliyar , a darkstocky man with a

n extravagant moustache , comes out of hisstudy .He greets MrDe Silva with a handshake , a faint smile takesthe rest o

f

them in with a wide glance . Rohini feels ill at ease . Shesullenly observes his unruly eyebrows , expressionless eyes ,and hismouth turned into a dried prune from cigar smoke .

The matronly Mrs Abeysundara lumbers down thesweeping staircase , her face creased in a wide welcoming smile

that reveals perfect teeth . She hugs Mrs De Silva and the girls in a

warm sticky embrace . Fumes of soap and lavender talcum powderenvelop them . 'Come in and take a seat . It ' s so hot outside . Youmust be tired after the long drive . '

Rohini heaves a sigh of relief on entering thehouse with its

high ceilings and cool concrete floor .Most of the houses in the

C .

Time and Chance

outer metropolitan area are built of huge clay bricks (kabook )plastered white. The house is furnished with elegant hand -carvedfurniture dating from the Portuguese and Dutch eras, an indicationof the aristocratic nature of the Mudaliyar 's family , its continuingstodgy respectability maintained b

y

means of carefully arranged

marriages .

Rohini remembers how , during one of their visits , MrsAbeysundara had taken them upstairs . The two had beendiscussing household linen and the need to fi

ll

the glory boxes of

the girls .Mrs Abeysundara had said with pride , ‘Mymother usednothing but the best Irish linen to makemost ofmy stuff , ' whileleading them to th

e

living areas adjacent to the bedrooms . Theelegantly carved chests were filled with hand -embroidered , laceedged linen that Mrs Abeysundara had brought here a

sa bride .

The linen that is part of

the dowry ofa bride from an affluent

family usually lasted a lifetime . Mrs Abeysundara proudlydisplayed lacy pillowcases , tea cloths , and dainty doilies yellow

with age, all

exuding camphor -laden fumes . There had been a

fleeting look of yearning on her face .

The Mudaliyar belongs to a line of

land -owning families

who managed to curry favour with their colonial rulers . He haspoor social skills and barely acknowledges the presence o

f

Mrs De

Silva and the girls . Like most men of his generation heis only at

ease in a male world in which women , although a necessary

appendage ,have no place .

For a while they loiter around in the sitting room ,unsure of

what to do . Rohini is certain that everybody feels the discomfiture

caused by

the Mudaliyar ' s presence . She is relieved when herfather and the Mudaliyar gravitate towards his study where the

murmur of

voices , the clink of glasses , the squish of soda and a

whiff of cigar smoke soon reassure them that the coast is clear , at

least until lunch time .

Malini and Rohini look expectantly at Saman and Amitha .

Saman takes command and leads the way into the kitchen garden

in search of ripe veralu from the olive tree . The ever -vigilant

Time and Chance

gardener Appuhamy , who has a keen ear for invaders , comes outof his small room at the back of the house bearing a little reed

basket . 'Here you are. I picked up all

these ripe fruits early thismorning underneath the tree and Ihave washed them thoroughly . '

The children climb the wrought iron grandiose outer

staircase that leads to a trellised veranda on the upper storey and

are soon engaged squabbling furiously over an indoor game .

Carrom is a favourite game . Rohini admires the especially grandpolished board that belongs to the Abeysundara children , with

painted intricate designs in the

centre and silk pockets . Samanbrings the board ,which is the size o

fa card table , into the open

space with a flourish . The board is placed on

a table and dusted

with Johnson ' s Baby powder . Soon the pucks fly across the palewood with unerring accuracy .

Saman ,who isthe oldest among them ,makes an important

announcement , ' Iwill have to stop playing with you girls . Thathahas decided to sendme to the school boarding , as Ihave to study

formy HSC . Just now I take too long travelling to school daily . '

Malini asks innocently , 'Why is that ? Because we

are girls ?

Does thatmean you won ' t come to visit us or play with us? '

He continues , airily waving his hand as he walks around

the room restlessly , ' Imight still come to your place for lunch ona

Sunday .Who knows if I can find the time ? '

Rohini does not say anything but feels sad that something

that she had enjoyed , something that had been a part of herexistence fo

rso long , is coming to an end — the departure ofa

friend loved almost voicelessly . She has mixed feelings towardsSaman . Sometimes she hugs the thought that he is her brother , at

other times she has a feeling that he is somethingmore . But he is

slipping away from her .

Premadasa asks them into the dining room . The atmosphere

in the dining room is daunting . The massive table squats on its

imposing clawed legs , draped with a stiff damask tablecloth

formally laid with solid Sheffield silver cutlery and Wedgwood

plates . Damask and silver is de rigueur in these circles . Beside it is

Time and Chance

the imposing sideboard on which sit

an

ornate sauceboat , a soup

tureen and a polished silver tea service . The intimidating

atmosphere silences Rohini . No frivolity is condoned in this

room , no lapse of good manners .

It is expected that they will be seated before the Mudaliyar

enters the dining room to take his place at

the head of

the table .

Though he is served first , it is customary for

him to wait patiently

until there is food on every plate before eating .Lunch is always an

elaborate affair with at least one servant waiting at the table .

There is enough food to feed an army , as excessive food is

confirmation of

the family ' s social status and level of prosperity .

The table is covered with a variety of

dishes — meat , fish andevery vegetable in season , something green , something fried and ,

of

course , the ubiquitous pappadam .

The Mudaliyar sits at the head of

the table and looks

sternly at the children .Mr De Silva and theMudaliyar continue

their conversation while the children sit

on the hard upright

chairs fidgeting and dangling their feet impatiently ,not daring to

say a word .

“As I was saying , there is no hope that theUNP is going to

be

our salvation . All these five - and 10 -year plans have done little

for India .What can a small country like ours hope to achieve

when we are

buffeted by

world coconut ,rubber and tea

prices . '

“ Iagree with you . But we have to be self -sufficient in rice at

least ,without depending on imports aswe did under the British .

Unfortunately , we

can only talk about these things . Who willlisten to u

snow ? It is all

too depressing .

‘Anyway , let ' s eat before the food gets cold . '

Rohini glances furtively at the Mudaliyar . She does not likehis bluntmanner with the servants . Orders are rapped a

t

them

without somuch asa glance . The Mudaliyar ' s stumpy fingers grasp

the

fork and spoon far

down their stems . The sight of tufts ofhair

on

his dark arms repulses Rohini . She observes with amazementthe surprisingly delicate motions with which he

transfers small

quantities of

food into his prune - like mouth .

Time and Chance

The Mudaliyar 's eyes often stray in the direction of thechildren . Aware of his unfriendly scrutiny, Rohini hastily lowersher glance . They start helping themselves to the many dishes onthe table with the assistance of Premadasa who hovers behind

them handing around various platters and dishes.Adult conversation and the clink of silver on china floats

over the children , who sit

in a group at

the far

end of

the table

and whisper amongst themselves . 'What is the English word forkaravila ?

‘Bitter gourd . '

‘Nowonder ! I hate karavila . It is so bitter . '

Rohini tries to extract a promise from Saman , ' I heardThatha inviting you a

ll

for

lunch in two weeks time .Will youcome ? '

' I don ' t know . Iwillhave to see how I go with myhomework . '

The drive home finds them drowsy and withdrawn .Mr De

Silva sitswordless on the front seat staring straight ahead . Perhaps

the gloomy thoughts about the country ' s future he exchanged

with his friend have brought him to the brink of

familiar gloom .

Rohini sits sullen and dispirited , her eyes focused desultorily on

the passing scene unravelling like a spool of

film . An indefinable

sadness has overtaken the happy spirits that had filled her earlier

this morning , a mood of separation and change — the pathos thatpartings can create .

Rohini ' s journal entry that night reveals her sense of

bereavement , of loss and the transitory nature of relationships .

'What do I care about Saman ' s refusal to play with us any more ?

After all ,we are all

nearly teenagers and it ' s time wemoved on .

But I like him a great deal and there will always bea soft spot in

my heart for

him .Why is it that we

can ' t keep the friendships we

make in early life forever ? '

TEN

The family is driven into the city in their new car to visit old

friends, Dr and Mrs Asoka Perera who live on Turret Road .MrDe Silva has a high regard for Dr Perera and h

is wife . Onenight after dinner he had said , 'Wemust visit Asoka and Mayasoon . They will know a

ll

about the sittings of the Soulbury

Commission .

“What is the Soulbury Commission ? 'Rohini had asked , as

it sounded important and interesting .

Her father said , 'Since India achieved independence fromthe British they a

re investigating to see

if it is possible to grant us

the same status aswell . '

The next day she learned from her mother that when her

parents were newly married , along with Dr

Perera and his wife ,

they had been members ofa group of

ardent young nationalists

who worked tirelessly for the cause ofa Sinhalese Buddhist

renaissance .

Rohini is glad that the familiar reticence between members

of

her family appears to be eroding . Since their move to Colombo ,

every now and then her parents open up

and discuss political

events of

interest . There is a subtle change in the family dynamics .

Even Mrs De Silva expresses interest . Perhaps themove to

Colombo has given her a new lease on life . She is in constanttouch with her relatives ,who live throughout Colombo and are at

the centre of politics .

Time and Chance

There is a finely drawn change in Rohini's feelings towardsher . Thus far, her mother had appeared weak , always in thebackground like a backdrop to the family .Now Amma ,who usedto be a spectator, takes tentative steps towards the main arena .Now she makes a fe

w

useful contributions to their discussions

about religion and politics . Of

course , they do not talk about howthey feel . Emotions a

re

taboo subjects . The generational divide is

well in place .

Rohini observes how , despite their long acquaintance ,

Dr

and Mrs Perera greet her parents formally , shaking their hands

in turn as they climb the few

steps onto the front verandah .

The two girls sit quietly while the adults engage in a

spirited conversation . Mrs Perera and Amma do not contributemuch , but Rohini notes that even Amma listens avidly and sayssomething in low tones to Mrs Perera .

Setting aside her discomfort , Rohini focuses her attention

on the conversation of the menfolk as her interest in politics is

developing rapidly . She has the feeling of being caught up

in

momentous events with a certainty that they are on the right side

of history . In addition to the continuous stream of

books at home ,

she pores over the newspapers . She marvels at the gentlemanly

fashion in which the freedom debate unfolds . The imperial powerand the colonised people seem to b

e equal partners who share

democratic norms and social values .

MrDe Silva says , I am so pleased that D . S . Senanayake is a

man we

can trust tomaintain political stability after independence . '

Dr

Perera agrees , 'He is a political realist for

whom the

Ceylonese polity is one and indivisible . I am sure he will makegenerous concessions to the minorities . As you know , Henry , he

enjoys their trust and confidence .

Rohini ' s thoughts go to the grandfatherly figure in a threepiece suit whose benign face , graced bya walrus moustache ,

features often in the Daily News . She has warm feelings for him .

TWELVE

n event on their annual calendar is the almsgiving to

n Buddhist monks held in commemoration of the death of

Amma's and Thatha 's parents , to which all

the relatives are

invited . It follows a set routine and Menika and Soma are well

drilled in each step , but Amma ' s anxiety and high levels of stresseach year never waver .Huge quantities of food a

re purchased and

the cooking begins a couple of

days before the event . Thatha andBanda make several trips in the car to the Pettah and the localshops . The storeroom and pantry are piled high with bags of riceand numerous brown -paper parcels .

Milk toffee , kaludodol and coconut rock are made days

ahead and the kitchen becomes a hive of activity . The family is

served skimpy meals for the last two days orso before the event .

On the day , Amma sits on her low

chair on the

back

verandah still dressed in her loose -fitting housecoat , supervisingthe final touches . Banda places sweets and pieces of fruit on 10

side plates as dessert for

themonks .Wearily , Amma orders him ,

‘Place these in the pantry so that they can be quickly picked upin

time . ' Standing in the doorway ,Rohini scrutinises her with care .

Beads of

sweat have gathered on her brow .Rohini is startled to

note glints of grey hair round her still youthful face . Itmakes her

look tired and older than her years .

Aware of

the scrutiny , she looks up

and says in a subdued

tone , 'Get the white sheets from the linen cupboard and help

46 Time and Chance

Thatha arrange the drawing room for the monks .' Armed with afew sheets , Rohini goes into the house and finds her father and

Sirisena stacking the furniture against the wall . They next spreadmats on the floor and place cushions fo

r

themonks and everyone

else to sit

on when the ceremony begins .

By

10

in themorning the relatives and friends dribble in .

Mrs De

Silva ' s sisters , Clarissa , Janet and Lillian , arrive and takecontrol .

Later themonks arrive and they go

inside . Rohini staresresentfully a

t

the fat , well - fed

monks , their shorn heads gleaming

with a sheen of

sweat . The murmured prayers buzz over her head .

Later , the recital of the scriptures , symphonic and cadenced ,

sounds like a benediction and soothes her awhile . She attempts

to concentrate and acquire some merit , however , the ritualsfollowing the recital are tedious . She is bored and disinterested .

What ' s the

point of it ? They are empty rituals as far as I am concerned .

Tome , religion is an added chore imposed on us

children by overbearing

adults .

THIRTEEN

ne evening on their way back from their daily walk, Rohiniand her mother stop to speak to their neighbour Dr

Vanlangenburg ,who is just getting out of his car

to close his frontgate . A tall taciturn man , he barely gives them a glance . Thedeepening twilight induces a feeling o

f

content at day ' s end . AllRohini wants to do is to g

o

home . Ignoring his lack of interest ,

Amma beams , ' It ' s a nice evening , no ? '

He nods acquiescence with a faint smile . It is notcustomary to greet people with 'How are you ? ” Small talk andempty formalities have n

o place in general conversations . Onejust comes straight to the point .

Mrs De

Silva goes on in her irrepressible fashion , 'Are yougoing to g

o

to Australia ? '

“We are thinking about it , ' is the grudging response . Hisbody turns in the direction o

f

the front door .However , he doesnot turn away and this leaves the door open for Amma to press

on .

‘Sounds like a nice country , no ? Getting no reply , shecontinues , to Rohini ' s intense discomfort . ‘My daughter has a

n

Australian pen -pal and she writes nicely . ' Rohini ' s thoughts drift

to her friend Gail Price who lives outside Melbourne , hercopperplate handwriting , and the dried sprigs of wattle pressedbetween the pages of her long delightful letters . She reluctantlyturns her attention back to her mother . She is angry and remains

Time and Chance

silent. She draws back , deeply embarrassed , hoping Amma willjust leave .

A brief nod and a mumbled , 'I have something to do ,' putsan end to the one-sided conversation .Rohini feels completely put

out and she resents his attitude towards her mother. Theirneighbour isunwilling to engage in conversation with hermother

whereas on the rare occasions theymeet he speaks at length withher father .

Totally embarrassed , she cringes within herself . She rails ather mother after Dr Vanlangenburg goes in , leaving themfloundering near the gate. 'For goodness sake , Amma , don 't youknow any word other than “nice ” ? She storms off home .Rohiniremains angry and hardly speaks to her until dinner when sheresponds to the general conversation in monosyllables .Rohini goes to bed with a book soon after. She does not

take issue with the fact that practically every statement of her

mother 's ended with the negative inflection , the seeminglyubiquitous particle ‘no ', as this is so commonplace . There a

re no

rules for its use when what has been said is self -evident . It is

typical Singlish , which was originally an attempt at creating a

lingua franca for two disparate cultures .Now Singlish has becomethe distinctive patois o

fa particular place .

Rohini can ' t help reflecting that Amma ' s broken Englishlimits people ' s perception ofher . She soon calmsdown and thinksthat D

r

Vanlangenburg ' s behaviour towards her mother wasreprehensible .Her mother ' s language , a mixture of Sinhalese andEnglish , is usually direct and full of observation and imagery .

Rohini ' s anger towards her has abated and she is more generous .

She is annoyed that people should think that her mother ' s

language reflects the quality of

what she thinks and has to say .

Perhaps ,because she expresses them imperfectly , her thoughts are

considered imperfect . It ' s such a pity ! This is the language that ,

while she was a child , helped shape the way Rohini saw things ,

expressed things and made sense of the world .

FOURTEEN

Their parents ignore the passing of their own birthdays but theI ritual celebration of their daughters' special days are markedin red on the family calendar. Loud music blares forth from thegramophone on Rohini's 13th birthday .Menika , Jane and Somawork in the steamy heat of the pantry and kitchen a

ll day . Theyprepare delicious hors d 'oeuvre , quaintly referred to a

s 'short - eats '

- light - as -air puff and choux pastries filled with spicy ground

meat or canned mackerel and mashed potato , dainty cannedasparagus and cheese sandwiches , stuffed eggs and pitted pruneswrapped in crisp scrolls o

f

bacon .

The birthday cake is prepared early and sent to the

bakery

across the road . It will be picked upin the cool of

the evening and

iced just before the party .

Banda is called onto the back verandah to churn the icecream in the ic

e-cream -maker . As the churn goes round and

round , the tantalising rich smell of vanilla wafts through thehouse making Rohini breathe deeply a

s she sits reading in her

bedroom . It lures her outside . She wanders happily through thehouse observing the goings - on untilMenika shoos her back to herroom .

Time and Chance

Weekend entertainment sometimes focuses on the local carnival ,

a fundraising event usually organised by one of the schools in the

area . Menika accompanies the girls . Blaring music issues fromloud speakers placed at strategic points , shattering eardrums. It issupposed to create a carnival atmosphere , but it is notmuch fun .Menika has strict instructions not to le

t

them out of her sight .

They are permitted rides on the merry - go -round ,huge twirls of

sticky fairy floss , and ice-cream cones . They are also allowed to

run around with friends in and out of makeshift stalls selling

gimcrack ornaments .

Menika loves to take them to the park on Sundays when

a band plays in the rotunda . Curiously , even though she is a

village woman , she seems to enjoy the music , a blend of waltzesand prewar music such a

s It ' s a LongWay to Tipperary . Her expressionsoftenswhile she distractedly herds them together if they stray too

far , though by

now they are young teenagers . They remain in

Menika ' s custodial care well into their late teens .

Despite the many people who swirl around her , Rohini ' s life issolitary , full of books and the imaginary travels around England

that they take her on . The closest she gets to England in reality iswhen once in a while the family participates in the farewell ritual

at

the international jetty at

the port of

Colombo ,where the big

white P . & O . passenger liners leave for

foreign parts .

The Imperial College draws Rohini ' s cousin Paddy to

London to further his studies in engineering . Dressed in a light

tropical suit , his

unruly hair carefully slicked back , Paddy goes

from cousin to cousin like a hyperactive puppy .

Breathlessly ,Rohini tells him , ' I envy you . I ' d give anything

to go

to England . '

He scoffs , not unkindly , 'Who will let a young girl go alone

to England ? 'He teases her with an indulgent smile , ‘Well , perhapsMenika ca

n

go

with you . '

Time and Chance

They stand on the pier among the gathered throng of

relatives and friends. Rohini senses concealed envy in triteremarks emanating from overdressed matrons , the gushing tonesintoning good wishes for the future . Then , conscious of thefutility of her own yearnings, she tries to focus her attentionelsewhere.Rohini's wistful eyes follow the liner leaving the harbour

for as long as possible. She lags far

behind as the family troops to

the lane where their car is parked . She returnshomewith a heavy

heart , a yearning to leave , to escape .

FIFTEEN

( I think I will put in my papers for

retirement . After all , I am

Inearly 55 , ' says Mr De Silva one Sunday morning during

breakfast . Amma looks up

but does not appear too surprised .

Perhaps they have had previous discussions . Nothing more is said

but the portentous news hangs in the air . Whenever Rohini

thinks about it she feels a faint sense of

doom . She is not sure of

the repercussions of

her father ' s decision , but as the days pass she

is convinced itwillmean a change in their circumstances .

A few days later , her father ' s brother , Uncle Justin visitsthem . As soon a

s he finishes lunch , he declares , “ I have beentrying so long to get a transfer to Colombo . The departmentinsists o

n keeping me in that provincial backwater . I am quitefed u

p. '

“Don ' t think you are alone there . I am sick of the whole set

up

these days .Wewere far

better off

under the British , ' says herfather , looking so unhappy that Rohini ' s heart goes out to him .

She fears that another dark mood is in the offing . She reflects thatboth brothers , tall and patrician in looks , inherited from theirformidable parents , share a melancholic gene .We are al

l

infected .

She looks at

Amma and Malini ,who sitwith downcast eyes , theirforks chasing the uneaten food on their plates .

Thatha continues in an angry tone , ‘We could expect justice

under the British . Now everything depends on your political

allegiances . Ifyou don ' t support theUNP you are finished . '

Time and Chance

From then on , perhaps realising that they have a shareddiscontent, something to bind them , Justin becomes a frequentvisitor. Over the years , despite their many spats , the two brothersrarely break off communications with each other.More and more ,

his presence at meal times ensures that the whole family isembroiled in their gloomy conversations . The substance of theirdiscussions focuses on nostalgia fo

r

rule under their colonial

masters , who meted out justice with equity and equanimity .

During long -ranging conversations , both begin to harbour a desire

to take up

early retirement from the public service .

After a heated discussion ,Mrs De Silva ventures timidly ,

“Why don ' t the two of you speak to George before deciding

anything ? ' Her husband hesitates ,but Justin brightens up , 'Yes ,

let ' s speak to George . You may not like it but besides being a

lawyer he

has the right political connections . 'Hints of patronagethat his brother abhors . However ,Mr De Silva gives in with a

resigned sigh .

Later , as Justin prepares to leave ,Mrs De Silva says in an

undertone , ' I am surprised that Henry agreed to speak to George .

You know how he

dislikes being under obligation to anyone .Hemust b

e really worried .

George disappoints them . He declares , 'Look atme . Onewould think that having been a close friend o

f the Senanayakes

there would be some acknowledgment ofmy services to the party .

That was never a possibility . They did not even consider me forappointment to the Ministry because Winnie is an orphan with

uncertain family connections and hence a “nobody ” . So for

what

it ' s worth I suggest you both should go

and not wait in hope . I am

completely disillusioned with the system now . '

After Ceylon became independent in 1948 , despite the radical

transformations since the early 20th century , such as universal

suffrage and the Westminster model of parliamentary government ,

the democratic traditions were shallow . Liberal democracy did

54 Time and Chance

develop along classic European lines in the Thirties and Forties ,but with independence came decline .Rohini is becoming politically aware . She studies European

history and politics in school and follows the shenanigans in the

Parliament with great interest.Dr Perera visits them regularly. He and her father have

long discussions to which the rest of the family is not privy .Rohini tries to eavesdrop but it is too difficult . Occasionally ,hejoins them for a meal when the discussions become long andoverlap with meal times. One evening Rohini listens avidly as hesays , 'D . S. Senanayake 's preoccupation with a secular state showsa lack of understanding of the Buddhist sense of outrage .Her father, whose demeanour these days is subdued , says

sadly , 'He totally ignores our feelings with regard to the historicinjustices Buddhism suffered under Western rule . I am reallyconcerned that beneath the surface religious , cultural andlinguistic forces are gatheringmomentum .'Rohini observes that political relationships remain rooted

in the institutions of Sinhala kingship . As the Sinhala people

assume majority rule and gain self -confidence , the latter -dayrulers, the Prime Minister and ministers of state , assume or a

regranted the status o

f

the hero -kings of

the distant past .Mr DeSilva grumbles constantly to anyone who will listen to him . Oneevening h

e says to George , ' If our rulers want to be treated likethe kings o

f

the past they should develop the righteous social

behaviour or dasaraja dhamma which underpinned kingly virtues ,

and for which many kings were famous in history . Of course , this

isnot the case with our so -called rulers . '

George responds , 'What can

you expect from these corrupt

politicians ? All they want is to remain in power by

hoodwinking

the masses . Their extreme reluctance to devolve authority has

resulted in the over -concentration of power at the top and many

bottlenecks in the administration . Henry , you can see for

yourself

how your department works . '

Time and Chance

“ Yes , of course . But there is little we can do . The political

party system and other organisational teamshave come to consist

of acolytes, these damned “ golayas ” or pliant relatives or thosewith ideological affinities . There are such people now at the topof most government departments and people like us find it

difficult to survive under these circumstances .'A web of patronage keeps the system intact . It seeps through

to every facet of life and exists parallel to institutionalised

corruption .Her uncle and her father become victims of this system ,

as they find the rules distasteful and are unwilling to play the game .

The dismal state of political affairs adds to a sense of insecurity

that permeates every facet of their lives .Rohini is about to finishhigh school and her heart is set on going to university ,but doubtsabout her father ' s capacity to finance her studies if he retiresundermine her self -confidence .

Rohini begins to hover around in deep shadows whenever

her parents talk at length in low tones while seated on the front

verandah . One evening she overhears them discussing theirfuture . Her father explains , ' I have calculated the amount I canexpect to get as a monthly pension . We have a roof over ourheads .We can ' t get rid of our current servants . They have beenwith u

s

too long and have served us loyally . So no doubt we will

have to cut corners . ' He speaks firmly and sounds confident thatthere will b

e

enough money for

whatever transpires .

As is customary , it is no open exchange of ideas . Rohini ' s

father speaks and her mother listens in silence . Finance is a

strictly male preserve . She wonders sometimes whether thisdisempowers hermother and affects her self -confidence . But then

all

her aunts are financially dependent on

their husbands and they

are not socially gauche . Rohini belongs to the new generation ,

which has the capacity to shed its

colonial trappings , its

outmoded conventions . Still , this fact feeds her well of contempt

and her endless irritation at

her mother ' s helplessness .

Time and Chance

However, she feels reassured that whatever happens ,herfuture studies will not be in jeopardy . There never is an obviousintergenerational conflict between her parents and her, but there

is no open communication , no talk of real feelings . That is neverlikely to change . She and her sister are treated with dutifuldistantaffection .

The thought that she and her sister might be aware of the

situation with regard to her father's decision to take early

retirement and that they need reassurance never occurs to their

parents . The children have no rights ; it is the duty of the parents

to look after them and their parents are confident that they can

discharge this duty fully . But to Rohini this is not enough . Shewants to be kept informed . Angrily , she thinks , I am o

ld enough to

be

treated asan equal and

to be taken into their confidence . But the

barriers of

filial duty are

ever present .

So , of course , her parents say nothing to her . She had

hoped fora change when the ice

between them thawed somewhat

after their move to Colombo . Now , however , the familiarreticence and disposition for silence that exists between members

of

the family is worse than ever . Of course an unspoken , rarely

demonstrated assurance of

affection is ever present . It is the same

in their dealings with relatives and close friends .

When Lillian visits them a few days later , Mrs De Silva says ,

'Henry will retire soon . It ' s getting impossible for him to get

ahead , as he does not agree with theMinister ' s politics . You knowhim .Hewill not keep his mouth shut . '

MyGod , Akka !What are you going to do ? How are you

going to get the two girls married ? ' Lillian ' s children are notacademically inclined nor are they encouraged by

their parents

to go

in for higher studies .

As in the case of Rohini ' s other cousins , the peak of

achievement for girls is a good marriage . With that view , thewomenfolk endeavour to collect a handsome dowry fo

r

their

Time and Chance

daughters when they reach puberty :matching sets of jewellery in

rubies , emeralds and diamonds , hand -embroidered linen for theglory box each will take to their husband 's home.Rohini,who sits nearby,watches and listens with amusement

when the topic of conversation among her aunts veers towards

dreary details of their acquisitions . Clarissa gushes , ‘The other day

I got a beautiful set of damask bed linen from Millers. Akka , youshould start filling the glory boxes for the two girls.' Or her auntJanet says,'I have just managed to g

et

the bangles for

the ruby set

I am making for

Shanti ' s collection . '

In addition , it is the responsibility of fathers to ensure cashand property is available when the bidding begins fo

r

the hand ofa

bride . Curiously ,Rohini ' smother does not seem to be preoccupied

with this task . Mr De Silva dismisses the idea that there is any

need to start hoarding goods for

the dowries of his two daughters ,

who are still in their early teens . They still have to be educated .

Now when Mrs De Silva tells Lillian about Rohini ' s plans

to go

to university , Lillian throwsher hands up

in horror and

declares , “ Isn ' t it foolish of you to think of spending so much on

educating a girl ?Why don ' t you send them off to a finishingschool o

ra home science class and get both girls married ?

Something goads Rohini ' smother to make a stand . Shesays with spirit , to Rohini ' s great delight , 'Henry will sacrificeanything if the girls want to go to university . '

A deep mutual sense of duty permeates the relationship

between her parents and the two girls . There never is intimacy —

just an understated , barely visible current of affection binding

together the members of

the family .Malini and Rohini take it for

granted that their parents will find them attractive partners when

the time comes for them to be married . In the meantime , their

father ' s erratic mood changes make overt dissent and consentimpossible . So there is an uneasy peace in the household as the

adults set talk ofmarriage aside .

In the midst of all these familial preoccupations , thegnawing desire within Rohini to escape , to search for fulfilment

Time and Chance

elsewhere , becomes like an ever -present infirmity , an affliction .There a

re other drawbacks in her world , but most of all

she is ever

conscious of hermother ' s failings , her lack of social skills , whichRohini learns to conceal from her friends b

y

spinning half -truths

and glossing over facts . She frequently invents stories to stop herfriends from visiting her .

‘My father is about to retire and my parents have to attendmany functions . They don ' t like our friends in the house whenthey are out . ' Or she will say , 'Amma has to throw a party fo

r

about 50 people and we

need to be out of

herway . ' By her lateteen years , she becomes a

n accomplished storyteller , weavingimaginary situations in which hermother has amajor role .

SIXTEEN

The cool of December and early January gives way to theI oppressive heat thatwill last fo

rmonths . The family usually

leaves for

the

hills in April , after the New Year celebrations andwhen the servants have gone to their villages fo

r

the New Year

break . April is the hottest month of the year , and the unrelenting

heat keeps sleep at bay despite the constantly whirring overhead

electric fans .Mosquitoes thrive in the heat and intermittent rainand the days drag o

n

in sticky humidity . A sultriness hangs overthe city and it

s

inhabitants become languid and short of

temper .For the De Silva family , the only reprieve is the annual

holiday in the cool climes in the centre of

the island , in the littletowns o

f

the colonial period with mock Tudor houses to which

their colonialmasters had retreated from the heat on the plains .

Bandarawela , Diyatalawa and Nuwara Eliya are the favouredholiday destinations o

f the Colombo elite . The more affluentamong them have their holiday homes in prime locations ,with

Nuwara Eliya at

the apex of

the hierarchy .

The De Silvas do

not belong to this category , but Rohini ' s

father has friends who are stationed in these salubrious regions ,

particularly Bandarawela ,who offer them hospitality fora week or

two . At

this time of

the year , Nuwara Eliya becomes the socialepicentre of

the Colombo elite . People commute freely betweenBandarawela and Nuwara Eliya . The local tennis clubs and teaplanters , clubs in both towns become crowded with drinking ,

Time and Chance

socialising throngs dressed in fashionable warm clothes and the

latest sports gear .Mr De Silva , who is winding up his job prior to retirement ,

does not take leave. Their mother decides the two girls couldspend a fe

w days with their father ' s friends , the Berengers , wholive in Bandarawela . Sirisena drives them to the Fort Railway

Station .As

Rohiniwatches from the carriage window , she marvels

at

her father ' s good looks while he stands on the platform with thereflected light from the domed glass roof falling on him . She feelshappiness wash over her .

She remembers Menika ' s ranting about the evil eye andvarious taboos and quickly suppresses her admiration , the warmfeelings o

f

affection and pride . She thinks , If I revel in having a

healthy , handsome , important parent , perhaps some evil will befall him

taking away his

status , his good health and present happy disposition , at

this very moment .Usually after a period of erratic mood changes

her father emerges momentarily buoyant , in an amazingly happy

mood . It is of

course short lived .

So

she quickly stifles her happy feelings , not daring totempt the gods o

r the evil demons of the nether world . She is

subdued when Mr De Silva comes in , rearranges the luggage andsays , “ Iwill speak to th

e

guard on the train after I settle you both

in so that he

can keep an eye on you until you get

to Bandarawela .

I think Somadasa will be the first -class attendant throughout thejourney .

Perhaps Rohini and Malini look uncomprehending . They

meet so many compartment attendants on their frequent train

journeys during school holidays .He goes on , ' You remember him .

He was on duty when we went to Anuradhapura during the last

school holidays . He will look after you . You can order anythingyou like for lunch . ' Turning to Malini , hehandsher somemoney ,

saying , 'Give this to Somadasa after you have had lunch . '

They read and doze off from time to time while they sit

dutifully opposite each other in their private compartment . The

Time and Chance

slow wheel - clacking trundle of the train over its winding route ,

the languorous rhythm , induces drowsiness . Soon the train speeds

across the flat plain dotted with hamlets and rice fields . Whenthey start the gradual climb into the hill country the train takesthem through a landscape o

f

blue and emerald green , of

mountains ,

hills and plains .

As

ever , the landscape enthrals Rohini ,who sits drowsily

with her nose pressed to the window .Here is a land irrigated by

many rivers and mountain streams ,which traverse the length andbreadth o

f

the island . Sri

Lanka is an extravagantly watered land

with generous rain filling itsmany rivers and tanks or

reservoirs in

the Dry Zone ,magnificent engineering feats achieved by

the farsighted kings o

f

old . The train climbs steadily up

the mountain

passes through fields golden with stubble after the

harvest and , in

the late afternoon , the distant hills are a smoky blue . Here and

there men are winnowing paddies beside rice fields bordering

watercourses , which have dwindled into shallow rivulets in thehotmonths before the rains come .

Despite the physical beauty that pleases the eye , the

familiar melancholy and the need to escape grips Rohini at thesight o

f

the mountains that now surround them . As they beginthe climb to the higher levels , the terraced rice fields give way to

hillsides of

yellow sunflowers and rampant blue morning glory set

in the coarse mana grass .

The landscape drifts by

leaving a trail of

dark thoughts .

The omnipresent spirits , benign and evil , the benevolent deitieswhose abodes a

remagnificent trees orwayside rocky outcrops , the

hideously masked devil dancers of

the south who lurk in the deep

of

the

night and confront in ritualistic dance the evil spiritswhopossess the souls of the faint -hearted , th

e

echoes of

the culture of

an older world , oppress her yet again .

Rohini feels a sense of relief when they reach the wellordered neat rows of

tea

bushes that carpet entire mountains and

hills in the centre of

the island . The mild afternoon sunshine of

the central hills bathes the countryside and restores calm to her

Time and Chance

troubled spirits. From her vantage point in the slowly moving

train , the vista is harmonious and a languorous calm has settledon the countryside . Is it somnolence that precedes boredom ?Rohini stands back from her unkind thoughts and focuses her

attention on the scenery .Here and there are the homes of tea planters and the

holiday homes of the rich ,mock Tudor mansions set

in English

cottage gardens with closely clipped , blue -grass lawns .

During the holiday season the atmosphere in the hill towns

is surreal . Usually , she revels in the transplanted Englishness of

Bandarawela and Nuwara Eliya , its hybrid milieu , the artificialenvironment o

f overlapping practices . Now she is not sure . Asthey draw near , she is determined to make themost of her holiday .

She draws on hermemories of previous holidays and smiles

to herself in anticipation . Social climbers , holidaymakers , thenouveau riche , bedecked and bejewelled women , take control of

the town and fora few days the tableau enacted there fascinates

and repels her in equal measure .

Their father ' s friends ,Mr and Mrs Berenger , pick them up

at

the

dimly lit station that night . Their home is in the heart of thetown , which centres o

n

the railway station and consists of

the

local clubs ,holiday homes of the rich and thehouses of the publicofficials .

Rohini and Malini awake the next morning to brilliant

sunshine . As they walk in the garden before breakfast , the air is

fresh and crisp with a cold edge to it that Rohini finds refreshing

after the heat on the plains . She breathes in deeply while Malini

draws the folds of

her cardigan together over her narrow chest ,

complaining of

the cold .

Freda , the only child of the Berengers , is sleeping in .

Malini says softly , ' I wonder whether Freda is a friendly sort of

person . The last time wemet we were all

kids . I remember shecould never si

t

still and was very naughty . '

Time and Chance

Ever judgmental , Rohini replies crisply, 'If she had anymanners she would be up by now to greet us. From a

ll

accounts

she doesnot sound very nice . '

Malini gives her a quizzical look but as usual says nothing .

Rohini is aware that her predilection towards making hastyjudgments discomforts her sister .

Mrs Berenger flings open the window of

an upstairs

bedroom and they hear her loud tones as she tries to tempt Freda

into getting up , saying , 'Why don ' t you take these girls to Cargills ?

I hear they have a shipment ofwarm clothes for

the season . If you

go early enough , before everyone rushes in , you might be able to

pick something you like . ' Aware that the household is bustling ,

the girls go

in and loiter on the enclosed verandah , unsure of what

is expected of

them . They examine the numerous pots ofbegoniasplaced along the windows and admire the lush blooms .

Mrs Berenger , a buxom kindly lady , comes out and says ,

*You two girls have been upso long . Heaven knows when Freda

will be ready . Come and have breakfast . ' She leads the way to thedining room . Breakfast is fresh crusty bread smeared with butter

and Marmite .Marmalade and strawberry jam

from the local farm

are also on offer . They both eat with appetite .

Later , a short walk takes an ill -tempered Freda and the girls

to the main street with its

narrow , two -storey concrete shopsjumbled together below the railway station . Freda grumbles ,

' I usually sleep - in during the holidays but Mummywokeme as youtwo are here . The accusing tone silences them . They feel guilty

and exchange glances behind her back . She picks her way sullenlyand gingerly through the little shops and they follow silently .

Cargills is the only upmarket shop patronised by the

holiday -makers and it is ameeting place of sorts for them .Maliniand Rohini go in with Freda , who walks in without any

enthusiasm . Spoilt and impetuous , she attends a boarding school

in Colombo . Rohini observes her keenly as she rifles through theneatly folded collection of

colourful jumpers that has just arrived

from England . Rohini ' s resentment grows as Freda ignores the

Time and Chance

obvious annoyance of the saleswoman ,who frowns but

does not

dare say anything .

Freda leaves Cargills , climbs up

the steps to the road and

stands on the verge watching the scene outside . Rohini and

Malini follow her meekly , in silence , unwilling to incur herdispleasure . She seems faintly aware of her obligations to them

but undecided what to do next .

Rohini looks around with interest . Vegetables to be sent to

Colombo from the surrounding market gardens are piled up , being

sorted and baled by

the roadside . The cacophony of loud voicesadds to the clamour of the blaring of horns and the roar of the

trucks going towards Colombo , belching black smoke . Rohinithinks o

f

the wilting vegetables that finally reach Colombo after

their long journey .

Suddenly coming to life , Freda turnsher nose up

at

the rich

stink of rotting discarded cabbage , carrot and beetroot leaves

choking the gutters bordering the main road . ' It ' s disgusting ! Let ' s

get away from here and go

to the Club . I can ' t stand this smell . '

As

they walk up

the road Rohini can see

just ahead the

stalls of

flowers , many of

them introduced by

the British :carnations , roses , gladioli and gerberas o

f many colours , andsheaves o

f

arum and Madonna lilies that grow wild in the hills .

She pleads , “Just let

me have a quick look at

those gorgeous

flowers . ' She presses ahead . Bejewelled , chattering women ,whosebrief well -fitting blouses barely reach the midriff and reveal theirbulging waistlines , crowd around picking u

p

bunches of the best

flowers to fill their holiday homes . Angrily , Rohini thinks , how I

hate their vulgar display of wealth especially the innumerable gold

bangles they wear on bloated wrists !

In the next few

days , the girlsmeet their school friends in

the confines of

the town .Most of them are staying in their holidayhomes . They have chauffeurs to ferry them around and know thelocal wheelers and dealers who entertain them , while the latestgossip enlivens the conversation . Somehow Rohini senses that hersister and she d

o notmeasure up

as they are there through the

Time and Chance

generosity of their father's friends. There is a subtle change in theexpressions on most faces at themention of this fact. Their friends'servants have comeup from Colombo a few days ahead to open up

the houses for the season .Now they attend to their needs and they

have their parents ' cars at their beck and call, whereas most of thetimeMalini and Rohini walk everywhere .Rohini reassures her sister , who sometimes loses her

confidence and is overcome with a sense of inferiority . Oneevening Malini says, “I don 't feel like going to the club today.I have to wear the same jumper and skirt. It's too cold in theevenings and I can 'twear any of th

e

new cotton dresses Amma got

forus . 'Rohini glares ather in an effort to gainsay her ,but she goes

on whining , 'Ramani and Shanti wear something new everyday

and they look me up

and down in a funny way though they don ' t

say anything . The other evening I caught them whispering to each

other while glancing atme every now and then . 'Rohini looks angrily a

t Malini ' s downcast eyes anddrooping shoulders . Her diffidence irritates her no end . Shethinks , Iwish I could radically change her demeanour , inject some selfconfidence into her . She snaps at her sister rather spitefully , driven

by

this powerful impulse , "We are better than them . Who caresabout clothes ? Most of them a

re empty heads , superficial andquite incapable o

fmaking intelligent conversation . Anyway , all

Ramani can do is dress upso she can throw herself at all the boys . '

By

now Rohinihas started to wear cotton and linen clothes

with style and daring aswell as supreme self -confidence . While

they are at

the club , she pretends that she does not feel the coldwhen the mist drifts into the verandah in the evenings . Shenonchalantly throws her jumper round her neck and walks into

the lounge with her head in the airin her favourite beige china silk

dress unobtrusively embroidered with tiny bunches of

cherries .

She disdainfully stands aside and does notparticipate whensome of her friends start flirting . She has feelings of

interest in the

opposite sex , but as she has grown up

in the midst of

her

numerous male cousins , she tends to take them for

granted .

Time and Chance

ente

A voice in her brain mingles with the terrible prediction of theastrologer. It cautions her to safeguard her reputation , stifling hernatural impulses . Unwittingly, she is becoming prudish , learning

to conceal her natural instincts .Freda displays a different ,more animated personality as she

enters the club . Her lively and flirtatious manner draws the boys

into her circle. 'Hey, Rodney ! How about a game of billiards ?'Rohini's reserve and withdrawal indicate her total distaste forsuch behaviour . She is becoming acutely aware that promiscuityin a young girl is a highly undesirable trait to be derided and

condemned at every opportunity .Standing on the edges of the crowd at the club , she

examines the details of this lifestyle, which seems so desirable to

so many , embraced by so many . She fails to find anythingappealing . She recognises that her own identity is buried in thesocial life of Colombo and feels an overwhelming urge to break

out and find a sense of renewal . She realises that she lives a greyexistence on the margins . But she is trapped . She thinks withsome sadness ,‘ Thismay bemybirthplace but I ca

n

never shed the

feeling that I do not fit in . 'Her search for

identity has begun .

She is faintly aware of some degree of disadvantage at the lack of

various facilities that her father cannot afford . But , unlike herdiffident sister , her defiant nature and the confident feeling of

superiority makes her look down atmost of the girls who giggle

and chatter in an effort to attract the attention of

the boys whogather in groups at the club . Perhaps her defiant irritation arises

out of

the unfairness ofit all . Rohini is certain that intelligence

and good character should be the measure ofa person ' s worth .

With a sense of

frustration and irritation , she thinks , in reality ,

family ,wealth and social standing are the

determinants of

one ' s

place in the social hierarchy .

The tennis club , built for

the recreation of

tea planters and

colonial bureaucrats , is still wellmaintained in the Fifties . In the

Time and Chance

early years after independence it retains some of its colonialgrandeur . The staff clings to the old ways and continues to serve

the upper class who patronise the club with deference . MrDeSilva is well known , as he comes in to play a game of tenniswhenever h

eis in town on official business and tips them lavishly

for their services .The head waiter , dressed in immaculate white sarong and

stiff white jacket with burnished brass buttons , has known Mr DeSilva for many years . He stands a

t the main door with a round

silver tray in his right hand , his left arm folded deferentially

behind him , and his eyes light up when he

sees the girls come in .

Despite an imperceptible nod , his face retains its impassiveness .

Servants are not expected to display their feelings . As soon as

permissible , he hurries in to fetch them drinks . Recognition

means a great deal to Rohini and ensures a fleeting sense of

belonging .

The club , with its huge lounges , high ceilings , French

windows with mountain vistas , clipped green lawns , flowerbedsand the tennis courts , billiards and snooker rooms , is the setting

for

the social exchange ,banter and gossip of the Colombo elite .The girls join the crowd o

f

friends lounging around the

tennis club most mornings and , after a quick lunch , return for theevening session , crowding round the billiards table , cheering o

n

the winners . One evening Suren Ramasamy , tall , fair -skinnedwith a

n aquiline nose , a wide generous mouth , and slouchinggrace , standing b

y himself on themargin of

the throng , catchesRohini ' s eye . She does not admit to herself , but she is totallysmitten . It isnot a passing infatuation . She cannot understand it ,

but she is drawn to him like amagnet .

She is with a group of girls and she nonchalantly questions

Freda ,masking her desire to get to know him , 'Who is that talllanky chap over there by

the window ? '

Freda declares dismissively , 'Oh ! That is Suren .He is JamesRamasamy ' s son . You know , the famous QC ? He is a bit of a snob .

Keeps to himself . '

68 Time and Chance

No doubt he is one of the few

males who has not succumbed

to Freda ' s seductive overtures . Taking note of Rohini ' s downcastlook , Freda searches her face carefully .Perhaps sensingher interest ,

she relents , ' I can ask his friend Rodney with whom he plays tennis

to introduce you if you like . ' She wanders off in search ofRodney .

When Rohini and Suren are introduced to each other , heturns away from the window to face her . She sees his face clearly .

His mouth strikes her , the generous lips , his deep - set

but large ,

expressive eyes that look at

her with some interest .

Soon her eyes stray to his hands . In fact the first things shereally notices are his hands . She has always been besotted withhands that a

re long and slender with shapely nails .Narrow wrists

in keeping with his slender frame taper into graceful fingers in

large generous hands — expressive hands , indicating an artistic

spirit .His fingers are long and strong , the nails short and shapely .

She is soon convinced heis not snobbish , but perhaps shy

and unwilling to open up

to strangers . She is very taken with thedisarming courtesy with which he greets her questions . Sherapidly warms to him . He interests her enough that her naturalreticence is replaced b

ya curiosity to know more about him .

Tentatively , she ventures into unfamiliar territory . ' I hear yourfather is James Ramasamy . '

'Yes , ' followed by

silence , is the response . Briefly , he lookstowards the hills in the distance . She decides that he does not

seem to think that this fact is significant enough for further

comment .Heseems to discount the connection .

When Rohini mentions her parents , he suddenly becomesmore expansive . She soon learns that he is ofmixed parentage .

‘Oh , yes . Ihave heardmymother speaking ofyour father , who shesays is related to her . '

Rohini laughs openly , 'Here , everyone is connected to

everyone else .

In turn , his

laughter is frank . ' I know . It ' s all

very parochial . '

The family connection in itself matters to her . The factthat h

is father is a well -known Tamil lawyer and that his

v

Time and Chance

Sinhalese mother belongs to an elite Colombo family distantly

connected to hers is important to her. Instinctively , she feels he isone of them — one ofher in -group . The earth does notmove forher that day, but a warm inner glow lingers fo

r

days .

Her diary goes everywhere with her . A couple of days later ,

before going to bed , she writes , 'He is so tall . I can see him in a

crowd and notice his glance ,keen and grave — nothing superficial .

Thismorning when we

spoke to each other the conversation left

me so satisfied . We talked of school , of university .When he said he

hoped to meet me at Peradeniya ,my heart sang of a future . I feelthewhole world before Imet him was frivolous and superficial . '

As the days pass , she has a presentiment that this meeting

is serendipitous indeed . In the next few

days , she looks out for him

as soon as she enters the club . After what they consider a decent

interval , they gravitate towards each other and find a secludedcorner where they can talk .He is softly spoken , quiet and precise .

She observes that he

can bea pedant , but decides his is at the

pleasant end of pedantry .

They do not see

each other for the rest of

that year . An occasionalexchange o

f

letters keeps the connection aliveuntil theymeet the

next year at the university campus where they both start reading

for their degrees .

Memories of

childhood and adolescent laughter , the coolgreen a

ir of

the hill stations and days spent walking among theblessed hills , and the shimmering haze a

s themist crept upwards

and the sun

set. . . Those were the days when Suren and Rohini

met and she felt assured that this was it , they would be together

forever .

SEVENTEEN

Curen and Rohini arrive in Peradeniya with a crowd ofU exuberant schoolmates riding a wave of euphoria in

anticipation of their newly acquired freedom . The new universitytakes their breath away . It is situated on the banks of the

Mahaveli River, the river of the great sands linked to every heroicdeed of the Sinhala kings , se

t

amid the rolling hills of

Hantane .

It is undoubtedly the most beautiful natural setting in the

world . It is a jumble of imposing buildings of

traditional

architecture , functional administrative buildings , well -tendedlawns and landscaped gardens , roads and walkways lined withgiant flamboyante and tabebuia trees scattering their red and pink

blossoms in the soft breeze and immense shade -giving rain trees .

Juxtaposed with all

this , incongruously perhaps , are theOxbridge traditions governing every aspect o

f campus life .

Rohini ' s roommate is Veena , who , fortunately , was a

classmate for

the past few years . They unpack and arrange theirmeagre belongings attempting to create some illusion o

f

order ,

some homeliness . They have each brought a couple of cushions ,

curtains for the windows , a few touches ofhome .Numerous booksare arranged in the built - in bookshelves .

They cultivate new friendships with others of their ilk from

Colombo schools and quickly adapt themselves to their newsurroundings .

Time and Chance

They are only faintly aware that society is in transition

between the predominant Western elitist orientation of the past,

which they cling to quite tenaciously , and the traditionalgrassroots domination that will soon take hold . The Colomboyouth stride confidently about the campus or gather together in

the canteen .Rohini and her friends from Colombo schools si

t

together

and say, 'MyGod , look at those village types . ' They sneer at the shy

and retiring youth from provincial schools who huddle together and

speak in soft tones . Their presence is acknowledged , but they do

not seek their company . They remain on the margins of

their world

of

studies ,membership of key societies and other social forums ,

such as the running of committees in the

residential halls .

In a short time ,Rohini and her many acquaintances fromColombo schools form friendships that transcend the ethnicbarriers . They exchange prejudices and opinions freely andmanage to maintain their cross -cultural friendships with ease .

They taste academic freedom and study the economic andpolitical virtues and vices and engage in a fearless scrutiny o

f

the

prevailing values of

society . No doubt they are lotus -eaters

unaware of

the reality outside the campus limits and the protected

homes from which they originate .

It is indeed a strange new world Rohini has come to

inhabit : independent of her parents , free from Menika , free to

become her own person . She has left behind the cloistered world

of private schools and a protected home . She and her friends have

the licence to be

adults , having shed their childhood and earlyteenage years along with the short dresses and school uniforms .

The women , especially those of Sinhalese and Tamil origin , wearsaris and the restrictions o

n association with the opposite sex are

relaxed to an unfamiliar degree .Written rules are

displayed on the

wall outside the warden ' s office . The girls are free to come and go ,

and can entertain friends of

either sex

in the common room until

seven in the evening . A special night outmight be granted butcurfew is 10 a

t night .

Time and Chance

A somnolent afternoon during which the freshers areexpected to plan the course of their future studies becomes thesetting fo

ramostly one -sided emotional liaison that is to last for

the rest of Rohini ' s life . A group of freshers gather together in a

room on the top floor of the administrative building . Rohini sits

near a window and looks out while they wait for

the convenor of

the meeting . Outside themonsoon rain drifts in drapes as a gusty

south -westerly wind blows in from the surrounding mountains ,

the inexorable rain that becomes a crucial part of

life in

Peradeniya .Water drops through the huge rain trees on to the

lawn below . They seem melancholy with their drooping branches ,

but stand solid , inviting the copious downpour .

Dr

Gehan Wirasuriya , the youthful don , dapper andcourteous , speaks softly in a clipped Oxbridge accent . Shanti ,whosits beside Rohini , whispers , 'He has just come back fromCambridge . ' They both look a

t

him dreamily , totally enthralled .

He is consciously charming and confident . He is not tall buthisslender build and h

is incongruous youthfulness strikes Rohini . Astheir eyesmeet , Rohini is breathless , sensing a kindred spirit . She

is overwhelmed by

his charisma , as she thinks most of the girls

are . His obvious interest in her heightens those feelings . Hepauses for an interminable moment when it is her turn : Miss DeSilva ,have you chosen your subjects ? '

She wants to see him again . She desires a close encounter .

So

she says in a low

voice , ' I am not sure as yet . Can I seek youradvice a

s Imakemy choices later on ? 'He readily agrees .

Rohini had expected their teachers to be

old and

venerable . In the days to come , she seeksGehan out in his private

office . She is impressed with the fact that he is implicitly civil ,

softly spoken , always immaculately and nattily dressed , neversartorially challenged like some of

his older , rumpled colleagues .

During the course ofa few

days , he assists them in the

choice of subjects for the first year . The process finishes all

too

soon .Rohini is drawn to him and she notices his luminous , darkeyes straying often in her direction a

s he

makes his introductory

Time and Chance

remarks .When it is her turn to speak , something passes betweenthem as they confront each other :magnetism , a kindred feeling ,

which they both mutely acknowledge . There is an immediateaffinity , a sense ofmutual responsiveness .Rohini joins a group interested in drama and finds that

Gehan is the director of the play in which she has a minor role .One night after rehearsals , as they are leaving the theatre , sheexpresses her apprehension about walking back to the hall by

herself . Is it a ploy to get closer to him ? But, then , it is quite darkoutside and the main road that takes her home to Sanghamitta

Hall is only intermittently lit . In the dark corners , Menika ' s

ubiquitous evil spirits lurk .

As

she stands nervously on the grassy verge in the glow of

the street lamp ,Gehan , who is walking towards his car , says

without hesitation , 'Come on , I ' ll take you home . After all, Ihave

to go

past your hall to get home .

She gets into the habit of going home with him in the days

and nights that follow . Soon they discover many shared interestsand a common view o

f

the world .

One evening while driving her home to the hall , he says ,

‘Did you see the French film the Film Society has borrowed from

the Alliance Francaise ? I saw it in Colombo . I don ' tmind seeing it

again . I hear there is a repeat performance tonight . I can pick you

upif you would like to go. '

Delighted that he has asked , she nearly accepts . But hercautious inner voice holds her back , as always . She knows Surenwould b

e unhappy if he

hears that she is going about with Gehan .

She thinks desperately , I would like to go with him as I could discuss

the film with him , unlike Suren , who shows little interest in films .

I know Imust not take the

risk of hurting Suren ' s feelings . So she

excuses herself , saying lamely that she has an assignment to finish .

It is not an easy decision . All evening , she is restless , allsorts of conflicting emotions whirling through her while shegrapples with herself in an effort to remain loyal to Suren . She is

unable to concentrate on her assignment . She craves Gehan ' s

Time and Chance

company. She finds him immensely attractive , his conversationstimulating . The look in his eye convinces her that hemore thanreciprocates her sentiments .Her thoughts stray as she remembers how the previous

week he had focused his gaze on her in a roomful of people he wassupposed to address . The girls seated beside her began to notice

and say, 'Here ' s one of your admirers . There was nomistaking this

gaze . It was penetrating with no

boundaries of anykind . It did not

turn into a polite moment of recognition and she felt its intensity

and scrutiny — something she had never encountered in her life .

She did not hear anything being said or perceive anything at that

moment and she felt bewildered by

the look in his

eyes .

At

the end of

the meeting , she rushed out , leaving herfriends looking perplexed , wanting to b

e solitary with her

confused thoughts . She needed time to think , while fighting thedeep inclination to follow her heart ' s desire . Later , after quietreflection , being brought to earth b

y

the astrologer ' s direprediction , she fervently renewed her resolve to safeguard herreputation .

Rohini was drawn to Veena from the beginning of

her time at

their Colombo girls ' school . She took one look at her and knewshe was a lucky person , especially when she heard her name .

Veena ' s parents are wealthy , involved in national politics and

generally considered good people . Rohini knows she is part of a

loving family favoured with quality education , secure wealth andwellbeing . Lucky people d

o not need to cultivate shrewdness or

indulge in corrupt behaviour . Veena becomes one of Rohini ' s

closest friends , bound to her by

shared experiences and the link is

surprisingly emotional .

They share many confidences , study common subjects andhave a common view of the world . Veena tolerates Rohini ' s

impulsiveness and her domineering tendencies and still manages

to retain her equanimity . All this deepens Rohini ' s attachment to

Time and Chance

Veena . Initially , despite their closeness ,Rohini cannot talk to herabout Gehan or tell her the deep secret she harbours. Veena takesRohini 's connection with Suren fo

r

granted , as do her otherfriends .Rohini fiercely tries to safeguard her good name .

Rohini lives in constant emotional turmoil . She wakes up

in the dim dawn in the wake ofan oppressive dream . She opens

her eyes , trying to rationalise the dark dream by revisiting the

events that could have cast a shadow . She gives up , but she knows

full well that the dark sensation will linger through the day . Shelooks across a

t

Veena who seems to be in a deep sleep .

In the calm of

dawn , she tiptoes out on

to their little

balcony deep in thought , feeling confused and abandoned .

Outside , the

quaking of

the huge leaves of the teak trees with their

fragile blooms and the whisper of

the bamboo clumps lining the

river bank as a stiff breeze blows through the countryside refreshes

her . On Sanghamitta Hill , the river breeze reaches her unimpeded .

She breathes in deeply . She feels better as she recalls theawful relentless heat in Colombo . She feels a sense of freedom andadventure , a feeling of great good fortune stirring within her .

Here I am in these beautiful surroundings , no Menika toshadow me , no old familiar rules to restrict my freedom o

f

movement .

I feel grown up

and mature and I will handle this emotional impasse by

myself . There is no need to baremy soul to anyone ,not even Veena .

She takes a deep breath and counsels herself uneasily . Don ' t spoilyour name . You must not le

t

people talk behind your back .

She feels confident of her ability to resolve any problems

thatmight arise from her liaison with Gehan . It all

happened so

quickly — a gradual erosion of

her carefully constructed barriers ,

her safeguard of

her good name . It leaves her baffled . Is it possiblethat she is incapable o

f fidelity , that her morals are as

lax

as she

was forewarned ?

Outwardly , she passes the time in the usual manner . She chatswith her friends a

s they sit

around after bacon and eggs in the

Time and Chance

morning or after a high -table dinner before retiring to theirrespective rooms. However , the day after another encounter and

another restless night battling with her emotions ,when she seesGehan , she is over -whelmed by her desire to be close to him .But reason invades her soul and amoment later the need to

safeguard her reputation is uppermost . Then , unable to controlherself, to cover her emotional confusion , she behaves as a callowteenager would , saying any cruel thing that springs into her mind .

Later that day,whenever Rohinimeets him on the campus ,

she walks past him , not acknowledging his presence . Beside herresolve to build a reputation fo

rherself as Suren ' s loyal girlfriend ,

the instinctive fear that Gehan does not reciprocate her strong

feelings for him makes her want to lash out at

him . She does notknow any better .

Relieved , she thinks he ismature and sophisticated enough

to discount her rude behaviour . He ignores this incident andcontinues to speak to her friends when they meet later in a group .

He denies her presence . Is she invisible to him , of no consequence

to him ?He speaks to the others , 'Rohini is forthright . In her case ,

what you see is what you get . But she will have to be careful as she

tends to hurt people ' s feelings sometimes . ' This she will notaccept with good grace . She stares glumly at him and turns her

back on

him .

The next few

days hold Rohini in a state ofsuspension , andshe is unable to focus o

n any task . She is full of troubling

thoughts , wanting to lash out atGehan .

Rohini met up

with Suren on the first day when they were

exploring the campus . From the beginning , Suren knows what he

is going to do

after graduation , whereas Rohini has many hazy

dreams with no clear idea of accomplishing any of them . He is

determined to pursue public service for

purely altruistic reasons .

One day asRohini comes down the hill on her way to an

early morning tutorial , she finds Suren standing beside a giant

Time and Chance

poinciana tree on themain road , ostensibly waiting for her. Shesays , laughing loudly in an attempt to conceal her pleasure 'Fancymeeting you .Where a

re you offto so early in themorning ?

His face is flushed . He seems embarrassed . He looks up

shyly and says lamely , ' I have a lecture at

10 , but I thought of

going to the

library fora couple of

hours . ' The poinciana tree is to

become their trysting tree . Since they do the same subjects thatfirst year , they fall into the habit o

f walking together each

morning to the lecture theatre or

the library .

Their friendship and mutual affection grow apace during

shared lectures and tutorials and other activities that the students

engage in such as

cross - country hikes , games of tennis andmembership o

f

various clubs and societies . In some ways , it is a

claustrophobic world , governed by

bizarre social norms , butRohini soon begins to feel at ease with Suren , with whom sheshares a similar social milieu , the same aspirations and beliefs , thesame class interests . Ethnic consciousness is dormant and might

never have existed in families such as theirs or , if it existed , itwas

never articulated asit is considered ' infra dig ' . 'Imagine talking

about a person ' s ethnic connections ! You just don ' t do it . '

There are still lapses on Rohini ' s part in the evolving

relationship with Suren when every moment that has passed

between Gehan and her is examined , every look , gesture andnuance . She does not know what his realfeelings are so she has to

delve deep and come up

with some sort of interpretation . In

Suren ' s case , she takes a great deal for granted , confident that he

loves her .

Despite these feelings and emotional turmoil , she

makes a

concerted effort to develop ameaningful relationship with Suren ,

never revealing her secret thoughts of

Gehan . Rohini continues

to pretend that Gehan is just a friend . Suren and shemove easily

as

a couple among their select group . Rohini soon develops a

comfort zone that features Suren at

its epicentre .

One day as they walk along ,he remarks in a quizzical tone ,

'You seem to be very friendly with Dr

Wirasuriya . '

Time and Chance

She is taken aback . So he has noticed . Shemanages to saylightly , 'Oh ! He is the director of the Dram . Soc . play I aminvolved in . After rehearsals he often gives me a lift back to thehall .'Rohini gives a furtive sideways glance soon after and finds

an impassive look on Suren 's face . She is not sure that her flippantremark has convinced him of her innocence . They walk on insilence and she quickly stifles the frisson of doubt that he knows

more than he lets on .

Suren and Rohini , like most couples at the university ,manage to find some privacy in the numerous haunts scattered

around the campus : the Hantana Hills , the banks of theMahaveliand the Botanical Gardens. Most Sundays , like other avidcouples, they sneak in among the trees in th

e

vast expanse of

the

Botanical Gardens joining in the mating rituals of

other hopeful

lovers from near and afar .

One morning as Suren and Rohini go together fora

morning lecture they are joined by

his friend Ranjit , who says in

his forthright manner , “Why don ' t the two of you come thisafternoon to ameeting a

t

the Arts Theatre ? '

Suren says , 'Why ?What ' s happening ?

‘ The leader of the Communist Party , Dr

Peter De Silva , isgiving a talk o

n the benefits of

socialism . It ties in neatly withwhat we are doing right now fo

r

European history , you know , theRussian Revolution . '

Suren says , 'Aha !My father ' s friend Peter De Silva ! ' andeagerly pulls out his timetable . He says to Rohini , ' I think we arefree this afternoon . Let ' s go .

Ranjit goes on happily , ' Dr De Silva studied under Harold

Laski at the

London School of

Economics . He is no rabidcommunist .

Suren readily agrees , 'My father and he were schoolmates

at

St

Thomas College and Dadda always says how much he

admires him .He is supposed to be by

practice and conviction a

democrat who believes in parliament as a tool of government . '

Time and Chance

AfterRanjit leaves, as they head towards the Arts Theatre ,

Rohini asks Suren , ‘Is Ranjit from Colombo ?"Why do you ask ? Actually he is from the Matale Central

School.We are both in the same hall . Imade friends with him ashe used to be in the common room by himself.He seemed lonelybut once we started chatting , interesting aswell.

She is curious to find out more. There is somethingincongruous about this friendship . As always , Suren springssurprises . It is so like Suren to break the social convention of notassociating with the provincials among them . She soon finds outthat short and dark -skinned Ranjit is a fundamentalist vegetarian ,

a Marxist and an ardent Buddhist . She wonders what draws himand Suren together.

That weekend the three of them go to Kandy to shop for daily

essentials : stationery , tea , coffee ,which the students brew in their

rooms . Later they go

to the Muslim Hotel for

lunch , despiteRanjit ' s protestations . 'They grumble about serving vegetarianfood whenever I go there . The hotel restaurant is popular . It iscrowded and the hum o

f

voices rises and falls ,bouncing off thefreshly painted walls with their garish pictures .

Ranjit watches Rohini and Suren unsmiling and solemn .

Disgust is written on his face as they tuck into delicious buriyani

full of

meaty chunks .He seems to have no appetite for

the food in

front of

him . He barely touches the steamed rice and dreary

overcooked vegetables on his plate .

Rohini loses her appetite , becomes angry and resentful as

he

muses aloud , 'How can civilised people beso barbaric as

to

consume meat ?

Suren laughs it off , saying lightly , You don ' t know what

you are missing . '

He does not join in their laughter .His dark -skinned facehas lost its pleasant demeanour . The sheen of sweat on his

scowling brow reveals his discomfort . Angrily , he declares ,

Time and Chance

‘Rohini , surely you are a Buddhist . How can you consume fleshand fowl with such ease and relish ? What about compassion

towards all living things ?

By

now , her antipathy towards him is taking on huge

proportions . He is so gauche and provincial . “ If ever I become a

vegetarian it will be for sound health reasons , not fundamentalistreligious ones , ' she declares in shrill tones , barely concealing heranger .He seems stunned b

y

her fury . She notes the displeasure on

Suren ' s face . He looks at her steadily . She avoids further eyecontact and is unapologetic .

In silence , Suren pays the bill and they hurry out to the busstop . Rohini goes to the back of the bus and sits b

y

herself forcing

Suren to sit

with Ranjit . She ignores them all the way back to thecampus .

Ranjit comes from a relatively poor family in the provinces .

Suren feels protective towards him . Ranjit seems to have an

unconscious need to enter Suren ' s rather attractive world . There

is nothing patronising about the way that Suren willingly shares

his financial resources , his books , his timewith him .

Instinctively Rohini feels that despite his pleasant exterior

and occasional sense of

humour he

carries a dark melancholic

attitude .Suren and she continue to associate with him despite her

complaint , ' I don ' t feel at ease with him . The dark intensity of hispresence sometimes unnervesme . You know I detest dogma of anysort . '

Suren is at pains to reassure her , 'He is all

right . Unlikesome people who are textbook idealists , like us , he really believes

in what he says .He does notmean any harm . '

Rohini ' s disquiet deepens though she makes an effort to be

friendly for

Suren ' s sake . After theMuslim Hotel episode there is

a barrier between them .Ranjitmakes an effort to make profound

and radical political statements in a light disarming , good

humoured ,manner but Rohiniremains silent .

One afternoon while she and Suren have a cup of

tea in

the canteen ,Shanti and Veena join them . Ranjit heads towards

Time and Chance

the group but hesitates , seemingly reluctant to join them , theColombo crowd . Suren calls out to him and he walks hesitantly

towards the table looking pleased at the invitation .

Veena tries to put him at ease . She gets up and says kindly ,

‘Ranjit ,you sit

here . It ' s almost time formy tutorial . I ' d better go . '

After Veena ' s departure ,Ranjit gets up to get himself a cup of tea .

Shanti asks in a teasing tone , 'How are your left -wing studiescoming along ?Ready to join the communists ? '

Suren saysmildly , 'Are you interested ? I hear Dr Amarasinha

is an excellent teacher . The classes are

crowded . That ' s whyRohini and I have postponed joining them . '

Ranjit , who is sipping his cup of tea , puts it down on the

saucer with a clatter . “ You know , it is all

very academic right now .

But we should seriously think of

the future of

the country . ' Surenlooks a

t

him with his usual tolerant half -smile . Rohini feelsapprehensive a

t

the gravity of

his statement . Even garrulous

Shanti is quiet as he

goes on , 'This society is only a colonial

legacy . We must destroy it and build a new society from the

ground up , which conforms to our traditions and culture . ' An

awkward silence greets him .

In an effort to breach the sudden tension in the air , Rohini

says rather lamely , ' It is all

well and good to try

to construct

a better society , but it is easier said than done . '

On their way home that evening , she says to Suren , ' I am

worried that Ranjit means business .With him , the means will notjustify the end . The means will become the end . ' Suren looks at

her with tolerance . Secure in his elite mould , Suren does not take

her seriously .He seems content to live vicariously through Ranjitand is willing to right the wrongs in the real world b

y

applying

diluted Marxist principles .

Campus politics are an unstable mix of

hazy idealism and

parochial party politics . There is no national focus or anyparticular objective . Rohini , Suren and a crowd of

fellow students

come out of

the lecture theatre the next afternoon all

fired up

with

enthusiasm . Ranjit tells Suren , 'You know , Dr Amarasinha runs

Time and Chance

classes during the weekends as well . You can

go

and then decide if

you favour the Trotskyites or

have faith in the Stalin doctrines . '

Initially , Rohini and Suren religiously attend the study

classes run by

the fiery idealists , the Stalinists and the Trotskyites .

The students gather in the pillared area between the library and

the administration building . Beliefs and prejudices are thrownaround willy -nilly . Suren and Rohini demonise Stalin . Trotsky ,

who died in exile in Mexico , remains their hero .

Rohini ' s studies in the first year are disorganised . She lacks theself -discipline needed to study with concentration . Besides heremotional entanglements , there is too much to d

o , too many

societies to join , too many distractions . The pillared area betweenthe library and the administration building becomes a favourite

haunt for

their group ,where serious discussions about their beliefsand prejudices and growing interest in communism take place .

The students speak of

Stalin ' s death in 1953 and a heated

argument ensues about his place in history . The devotedStalinists , who mourn the old tyrant ' s death , declare , 'Stalin can

be compared with Peter the Great . You all

know what Peter the

Great did for Russia .He dragged Russia kicking and screaming

into Western Europe .

Ranjit goes on stridently proclaiming , “Stalin had

performed a similar feat by transforming the Soviet Union into a

superpower , taking it into outer space and making it a force to be

reckoned with . '

Suren says mildly , ' It was Trotsky ' s thinking that set thescene for the greatness o

f

the Soviet Union . '

Books and cultural trends ,major political events and nationalistmovements are followed with avid interest . Themajor right -wingpolitical party , the UNP ,becomes a

n object of hatred . The ArtsTheatre is a venue for significant speakers from outside who are

Time and Chance

invited to address the undergraduates . Rohini's interest inpolitical meetings and discussions in open forums grows . She isdrawn to communism as an idealistic teenager who has come to

believe in a classless society that could ameliorate the evils of the

world . In later years , when this ideal translates into centralisedcontrol of everything people do and think , her devotion tocommunism quickly evaporates .

In the political world in Colombo , much happens thatrouses the passions of the left-wing students . After theassassination of the Prime Minister, S. W . R . D Bandaranaike , hiswidow rises to power on a huge wave of public emotion . Thecampus denizens watch with disgust leaders whose voluptuous

love of powermakes them turn dynastic , as in India . They ignoredemocratic norms and elevate family members to positions ofpower. They begin to rule by declaring states of emergency 'todefend th

e

country ' s unity and integrity ' .

When general elections are held that year Veena , Shantiand Rohini join a group who decide to work in the election

campaign in support of

the local left -wing candidate . Rohini trieshard to convince Suren o

f

the worthiness of

their cause , but hedisplays little enthusiasm .

Perhaps sensing her disappointment , he says , ' I share yoursocialistic views but I am not that enthusiastic . You know verywell I ' d rather sit in my room , catch u

p

onmy reading and listen

to somemusic . Noting her solemn countenance , he smiles , 'Yougrumble often enough about it ! '

So she daringly ignores him and plunges into themelee —

banners , posters , blaring music from raucous loudspeakers , rowdyelection meetings . Despite the searing heat outside , Rohini andher friends extract lots o

f

excitement , an ephemeral camaraderie ,

from showing solidarity with the raucous throngs . Later they manpolling booths , handing out posters , smiling encouragement at

the long line of

voters .

Rohini experiences a certain feeling bordering on

happiness . Her melancholia is not evident in her diary . ' It is

84 Time and Chance

unbelievable at times but I am confident I am loved . PerhapsGehan feels strongly aboutme as well. Is there hope ? Then whathappens to Suren ? Imust be careful . If I ruin my reputation in thecampus I will not be able to face the world later. This has changedmyworld ,my feelings about life and myself. I am torn between twoloves. But Suren believes in me and Iwill not le

t

him down ever . '

Besides Ranjit and Veena , Rohini and Suren develop enduringfriendships and these people come to figure a

t

crucial moments in

their lives . They are introduced to the world of

ideas leading to a

mental awakening and an expanded intellect . An atmosphere of

expectancy , of optimism ofa certain glamour , moving easily

among brash teenagers well versed in social etiquette indicative of

assured familial backgrounds , is the world they inhabit . They have

come to Peradeniya with great dreams , the world is their oyster . It

is a cloistered world of

the English -educated elite soon to become

the post -colonial intelligentsia disconnected from the emerging

reality of

the world outside . Perhaps therein lies their futuredilemma , their incapacity to make a contribution to the

development of their country .

This quiet countryside , which they invade thoughtlessly ,

the new buildings they rapidly turn into hallowed halls of

residence and learning , the social world of old friends and newacquaintances will constitute their whole world in the next fe

w

years . Rohini wonders sometimes about Suren and how theirrelationship will develop and feels somehow reassured that herstrong resolve will act as a buttress against any illwind that might

contaminate her reputation .

One evening after rehearsals ,Gehan drives her home . Onthe surface she and Gehan converse pleasantly enough a

s they

discuss some items of choreography . But Rohini is conscious of an

unusual tension between them .Gehan does not take the familiarturn to the hall , but says softly , 'Weneed to have a talk . Let ' s go

up

the hill and find a quiet spot . '

Time and Chance

Rohini's heart begins to beat faster and her level of anxietygrows. But she remains silent, relinquishing control of the situationto Gehan ,who drives slowly . Stopping the car on a high levelwayabove the campus , he turns to her ,“I am aware of your liaison withSuren , but I also feel strongly about you .Weneed to do somethingabout this situation , as people are beginning to notice .'Rohini is al

lchoked u

p

and tries hard to find the correct

response . In the silence , Gehan stares vacantly at the gathering

darkness . The sky is black and portentous with streaks ofwhiteclouds scudding across a three -quarter moon . Her cheeks areaflame and there is a rush o

f

blood to her head . The declaration of

his deep feelings strikes a chord within her . For amoment , they sit

looking at the spreading countryside .Uneven rows of lights glintfrom the buildings below .

Rohini thinks of the 11 years between them . He belongs to

another generation . Can we ever overcome the age divide ?

Gehan goes on , 'What is it ? Is age the attraction ? 'Not receiving

an answer , he goes on dispassionately and cruelly , 'Whatever else

you know , you don ' t know yourself . '

The fireflies twinkle , the monotonous grate of the cicadasirritates . Rohini broods resentfully . She stares straight ahead but isaware that Gehan is steadily observing her silhouette in the d

im

light . She desperately wishes an end to the situation but words do

not issue from her mouth . Suddenly he

says , 'You are beautiful . . .

just like Queen Nefertiti . ' A passionless statement with an utter

lack of

emotion . She does not answer . Inside her , something

clenches like a fist , leaving herbreathless .

She moves slightly away from him on the long front seat . It

is amazing . He thinks me beautiful but not desirable . Angrily shegulps , ' I am engaged to Suren . I have some feelings for you but it

does not matter now . ' Tears sting her eyes . She mumbles , ‘Pleasetake mehome . '

This evening changes everything . She vows never to be

alone with him again . Silently , he drives her back to the hall . Asthe car stops ,she opens the door and flees .

86 Time and Chance

Rohini lies in bed and thinks,my dreams with Suren havebecome serious , but marriage ? Am I to

o

young to commit to one

person ? Was I hallucinating by thinking of Gehan ? She cannot bear

the thought of casting Suren aside . There is a strain of

fatalism

running through her thoughts . She feels her fate is entwined withSuren . Her feelings fo

r

Gehan are an aberration , clandestine , not

to be contemplated .

EIGHTEEN

Curen and Rohini are radical and non -conformist in theirU approach to politics , religion and social interaction . Theirantipathy to right-wing politics is nurtured in these years . They

care little for

the Sinhala and Tamil caste order or ethnic

differences . Suren ' s generous , quietly friendly nature means thathis friends and acquaintances are varied , though his pedanticstreak , which surfaces o

n rare occasions ,makes some people wary

of getting too

close to him .

The tension between Rohini and Ranjit surfaces from time

to time , but she respects Suren ' s regard and concern for

his

wellbeing .Suren says with compassion , ‘Ranjit ' s parents are rather

poor , from what he tells me . His father has sold some of his paddy

fields and mortgaged the family home to finance Ranjit ' s studies .

There is an expectation that once he graduates and finds

employment he

will pay off

the loan . ' Rather touched , Rohinidecides to soften her approach towards Ranjit .

Since colonial times education has been a universal

passion . Families save money and sell land to get their children

into higher education . Those lucky enough to go

are expected to

return to their families after they have graduated to help others .

The first intimations of ideological conflict between Suren

and Rohini come with the revelations of

his religious beliefs . He

relates how his nominally Roman Catholic father and Buddhistmother reached a

n accommodation by

loosely defining the

Time and Chance

boundaries for the upbringing of their two children . Suren and hissister , Shanti , were baptised and received catechism instruction atan early age .

As a result, scruples , guilt , fire and brimstone were part oftheir childhood . In those early years , likemost people in Ceylon ,Suren 'smother was in the thrall of the Catholic Church , so shemeekly gave in to her husband 's wishes and did not interfere intheir children 's religious instruction . But as the years passed andher husband 's religious affinities became less intense , hercommitment to her children 's Catholic upbringing became morelax . Attending church on Sundays or going to Sunday school wasnot compulsory anymore . As they grew up , th

e

rules were relaxed

to accommodate their mother ' s beliefs and practices , such as they

were . Suren says lightly , ‘My mother ' s approach to religion is

ritualistic rather than intellectual . '

Rohini and Suren are introduced to Soren Kierkegaard in the

philosophical studies class one afternoon . The fact that Kierkegaard

asserted that Christianity as taught and embodied by

Jesus Christ

was never about objective truth upsets Suren . Sensing hisdisquiet ,Rohini glances apprehensively a

t

him from time to time .

Dr

Amarasinha says , “Religion in general and Christianity in

particular are subjective : they are concerned with the subjective

transformation of

the individual . '

Rohini ' s friend George ,who seems equally concerned , asks ,

' Is it possible for

religion to be objective ? If so ,what is objective

religion ?'Objective religion makes a sharp distinction between the

knower and that which may be

known — between subject and

object . The purpose of objective religion is to enable the subject

to know certain objects ,most notably God .

When Suren and Rohini leave the tutorial class ,Georgejoins them . Rohini , who had been reflecting on what Kierkegaard

had to say and his fresh approach , says , ' Its good to know that

Time and Chance 89

there were thinkers who abhorred the current complacent and

self-satisfied approach to Christianity .George stops in his tracks. “What do you mean ?'‘As fa

r

as I can see , the Church nowadays is a secular

institution ruled bya bureaucracy whose main aim is to further its

own material interests . It is a living contradiction of

the gospel

that Christ preached . 'George and Suren gang u

p

on Rohini . Suren saysmildly ,

' I can see where you are coming from . The Church is a historical

institution that has developed through the centuries and has

learned to survive in many convoluted ways . But the basic beliefsthat underpin the Church remain rock solid . '

Rohini recalls Suren ' s injunction not to discuss religionwith George , for whom the teachings of the Church a

re indeed

the gospel truth .She remains silent until they reach the library .

During their study of philosophical theories , Rohini

discovers that though on the surface Suren is becoming essentially

quite liberal in his approach to people and to ideas , the religiousbeliefs instilled in him since birth are personal baggage , anemotional comfort rather than a spiritual resource for life .

Under pressure during heated discussions with friends , heoften adopts a dogmatic , censorious style and displays a lack o

f

tolerance of

others ' beliefs . His attitude repulses Rohini . At suchtimes her feelings towards him are ambivalent . He is , on thewhole , genial and friendly , thoroughly likeable , but his dogmatic

attitude is abhorrent .

Veena comments one night as they lie in bed talking ,

' I really like Suren . He is a nice chap but I can ' t figure out hisdismissive tone and stern look when Rohan made such a mild

statement in class this afternoon . '

“ I know what you mean . Hemay not be interested in the

historical roots of Buddhism or

the veracity of many scholars , but

heneed not have adopted such a hectoring tone . He can hardly

afford to denigrate others when the foundations of Christianity

are equally shaky . '

Time and Chance

It troubles Rohini . She wonders whether he is trying to getback at her because of her remarks about the subjective nature of

Christianity and the blind faith of its practitioners .

Rohini concludes that she should not engage in argument

when Suren is in one of these moods . She makes much of thecommon ground between them , their iconoclastic attitudes and a

deep revulsion of

the idea that faith is best expressed in bricks and

mortar . By general consensus , they do not go

to the local temple

or

church and the edifices such as giant Buddha statues on street

corners and monumental churches and grand cathedrals earn

their displeasure .Rohini develops an attitude of looking at great

cathedrals and churches as museums of art

and history and not as

places of worship .

NINETEEN

ack in Colombo during the long break between semesters ,D while having a drink at their favourite hotel by the sea, Surenspeaks about his Jaffna connection .Rohini has never been there'I hear Jaffna is a totally different place compared to the south ofthe island. I wish I could visit just to se

e

the place .Suren readily agrees , 'Why don ' t we go there this holidays ?

Uncle Bala ,who was in Colombo recently , complained to Daddathat Shanti and I are growing u

p

and we hardly know most of

our

relatives up

north . I will make some inquiries and I ' m suresomeonewill be willing to put us up . '

Rohini hesitates , “What will they say if we turn up

unchaperoned ? I hear the people there are very conservative andthey will think it strange that we are going about together beforemarriage .

‘Don ' t worry .We are already considered to be different . As

Colombo Tamils , we are supposed to be Westernised and daring

anyway . So don ' t worry about what they think .

Atfirst , she does not feel comfortable with the idea and sheworries about her reception in Jaffna aswell as what her parents '

reaction will be to this her first venture alone in Suren ' s company .

She puts the thought aside until a few

days later when

Suren informs her that he

has made contact with relatives in

Jaffna . He suggests that they visit some of his father ' s relativeswho still live in the ancestral homes u

p

north . She sets aside her

Time and Chance

reservations and agrees at once. Soon she looks forward to the tripand she coerces her mother by presenting her with a faitaccompli . 'Suren and I are going to Jaffna in a couple of days .Suren has bought the train tickets and his father has arranged fo

r

usto stay with his aunt and uncle . '

Her stony -faced mother says nothing .

Rohini is convinced that these arrangements have a veneer

ofrespectability .Menika overhears the conversation and , as usual ,

has her say: ‘Baby Hamu , how can you think of going alonewith

Suren Baby ? What will those people think of you ? They will

surely say you are not well brought up . '

Rohini smiles confidently and says that Suren has madethe arrangements with the cooperation o

fhis parents aswell ashis

relatives . So , despite their obviousmisgivings , evident in the briefsilence and blank expressions with which they receive the news ,

her parents must have realised that they had no

choice but to

permit her to go with Suren . The subject is closed and Menikakeeps her distance in the days that follow . Rohini is sure they arereluctantly coming to the conclusion that her days o

fcurfews and

chaperones are well and truly over .

There has been tension in the household ever since Rohini

came home for

her first vacation .Rohini notices a change in thefamily dynamics . In retirement , her father still needs to keep u

p

the pretence of a busy life .He and his friend Dr

Perera espouse a

new cause , Buddhist Action , to which they sacrifice themselves

on the assumption that they are working to right past injustices .

MrDe Silva believes that he and his wife have tried their best to

fulfil all

their own unrealised dreams and ideals for their two

daughters .With their duty done , he is energised by

another cause .

Malini attends a class in journalism and is away all day .

Her mother devotes her time to the garden while Menika runsthe household . Sometimes Rohini regrets that the rest of thefamily and she do not do

more together , do not talk openly , and

it saddens her that she hardly knows what they are thinking .

She feels helpless .Whenever Suren turns up , they leave the

Time and Chance

house to pass the time with friends at the cinema or in smoke

filled hotel bars.Menika makes an attempt to get details of her life on the

campus. Rohini brags about her new -found freedom , savouring

Menika 's discomfort . A few

days into her vacation one afternoon

after lunch , as in the past , Rohini wanders on

to the back

verandah , where Menika and Soma sit gossiping . They look up

and Soma says in a teasing tone , 'How is our Baby Hamu who

does not need Menika Akka any more ? Rohini smiles .Her heartswells with affection fo

r

both of

them .

Menika says , 'Aiyo , Baby Hamu , you say that one personwho you call the warden looks after nearly 200 girls . I am sure thegirlsmust be u

p

to all

sorts of

mischief . 'Rohini says loftily , 'We a

re not schoolgirls , you know .We

are quite capable of looking after ourselves . '

I don ' t know about that . You have to be very careful that

you don ' t leave room for

people to talk about you . For goodness

sake , don ' t go about alone after dark . '

Rohini laughs as she says , 'Don ' t worry about me , ' andflounces off to her room , amused b

y

their warnings .

They , like her parents , are still getting used to her newlyacquired independence and sophistication . But despite theirmisgivings , they are unwilling to cause a confrontation with Suren

or Rohini . Sensing their reluctance to impose rules on her as in the

past , Rohini boldly leaves them with no option but agreement andpresses o

n with her plans for

the trip . Her confidence is enhanced

by

her parents ' silent acceptance of

Suren ' s visits . Her frequentoutings with him are taken fo

r

granted .

The morning of

her trip to Jaffna she finds Sirisena

pottering around the garage , lovingly grooming theRover with its

mahogany trim and its

loud motor .Mr De Silva is away with DrPerera , so Rohini cajoles Sirisena to drop her off at

the

Fort

Station ,where Suren iswaiting for her .Hehas booked a first -classcompartment for

them . As soon as they settle into their

compartment a quiet ,middle -aged lady , who is going to Jaffna to

Time and Chance

spend Thai Pongal with her family, joins them . Constrained by herpresence , they spend most of the journey reading. Rohini hidesher disappointment . She had hoped the long journey would give

her the opportunity to talk through some of the issues that could

arise from her first venture into the bosom of Suren 's ultraconservative relatives. It will be a novel experience for him as

well .His only contact with some of them has been minimal andin the safety of his own home.

The members of Mr Ramasamy's immediate family are

essentially Colombo Tamils , who embraced Christianity andWesternisation a generation o

rtwo ago . The branches of the family

who chose to remain in Jaffna areHindus , industrious , and frugal .

Rohini decides to put aside her apprehensions and makethe most o

f

the landscape that has been changing gradually as

they come through the scrub and sparse vegetation that

characterises theDry Zone in the north central region . It is such a

contrast to the lush green of the south that it engages her total

attention as the train sweeps by.

Their travelling companion has dozed off . Suren puts his

arm round her as he says , ' It ' s been such a long time since I ' vebeen here . I have almost forgotten what a different place it is toour familiar southern landscape . He muses as he watches thepassing scenery , 'The fe

w

times I have been to Jaffna we

always

travelled by

car . The view from the train seems quite different . '

The peninsula that is the northernmost tip

of Ceylon

consists of

old coral lightly covered with soil with large patches of

rich red earth scattered here and there where the industrious

Tamil farmers grow small , flavoursome red onions , large purpleaubergines and hot green chillies . Suren points out the pools of

water gathered into what look like tiny reservoirs . “They call thesetanks “kulams ” . The water stored in them is used to grow rice in

the less fertile grey soil areas . 'He goes on as they pass a stretch of

rice fields , “ These tanks fill with water when the monsoon rainscome between October and December , but it evaporates steadily

in the fierce sun in the following months . '

Time and Chance

Rohini thinks what a harsh landscape it is. Surely , it musthave an impact on the people who live here and mould their

character. Deep wells line the fields and water is raised from themby well sweeps ,which ti

p

the water into channels leading to the

rows of plants and the rice fields .Well sweeps are a picturesque

addition to the flat , drab landscape of the

Jaffna Peninsula ,which

is dotted with the ubiquitous palmyra or

fan

palm .

Suren ' s uncle , a taciturn , wizened man burnt a crustybrown b

y

exposure to the unrelenting , burning heat of Jaffna , is

waiting for them as

the train pulls in .

He drives at

a steady twenty miles an hour , carefully

skirting the potholes on themain road , to his home in the centre

of

Jaffna .His stern demeanour does not invite conversation . Theyare not sure of their welcome , so Suren and Rohini remain silent ,

taking in the sight of the bare , dapple - grey town , its functionalconcrete buildings , food shops with open displays , several storeswith gleaming gold jewellery in glass cases , its narrow streets .

The large single -storey house with a wide dusty verandah

and a central courtyard open to the sky is a cool shelter from the

enervating heat . They come straight through the bare corridorinto the open courtyard where Suren ' s aunt awaits them .

Suren ' s uncle and aunt ,who are both in their middle years ,

are spare of speech and build . Unlike Suren ' s father , most of

Suren ' s other relatives are Hindus , proud of their Brahminantecedents and they soon reveal a deeply conservative view o

f

life . Despite Suren ' s assurances , Rohini is sure that their visit as a

couple before marriage is considered unconventional . A certain

latitude might be extended to Suren , the product of a mixedmarriage .

Dour but hospitable , his aunt and uncle make them feelwelcome in a

n understated manner . After the spare greeting ,

during which even Suren does not have any physical contact with

his aunt , they are led to separate rooms with a mumbled

intimation from his aunt that a certain decorum is expected of

them while they are here .

Time and Chance

With Suren and his uncle out of the way, Suren 's auntgrumbles , 'I don 't know why your parents allow you to go abouttogether. You are not a married couple . Your marriage is not evenregistered .Here, people will talk .Her brow furrows as she looks directly at Rohini . Shaking

herhead , she says, 'I don 't know . Everyone knows Suren 's father ,the famous lawyer. You must be careful of what you do and whatyou say to people .' Huffily, she leaves the room . Rohini isdisconcerted as she unpacks her suitcase . Deflated , she sits on thebed until Suren comes in and cajoles her to join his relatives,whonow si

t

at

ease on

the back verandah .

It is customary for the civil registration ofa marriage to

take place before the religious ceremony and it is generally

accepted as some sort of

social -cum -legal sanction that , in the

aunt and uncle ' s eyes , Suren and Rohini lack .Suren ' s uncle seems more relaxed after breakfast the next

morning and joins them while they sitin the courtyard . “What

would you like to do

this morning ? '

Suren says , 'This isRohini ' s first visit , so shemight like to

see the town . '

“We usually go

to the

fish market .Would you like to come ?

Later in the morning they visit the fish market , raucousand open to the elements ,with mounds of gleaming fish in rattanbaskets presided over b

y

buxom fishwives . Dutifully , Rohini goes

round with Suren ' s aunt while she haggles loudly with the roughwomen . Suren stands with his uncle on the edges with a

n amused

expression on his face . Lunch is a feast of vegetables seasoned

with handfuls of tiny shrimp and red rice . This is a reluctant

concession to the non -vegetarians , which his aunt grudgingly

cultivated during her brief stay in Colombo years ago . All thefood and the heat induce a languorous torpor . Rohini and Suren

go to their respective rooms , ostensibly to read , and slide into thecustomary siesta .

In the relative cool of the evening , Suren and Rohinidecide to g

o

fora walk .Most of the adjoining houses are similar ,

Time and Chance 97

nondescript , lacking in character , set in featureless gardens withlow concrete whitewashed walls surrounding them . Palmyrapalms and an occasional mango tree , spindly oleanders andbougainvillea a

re the only vegetation .

As they walk , Rohini ' s eyes are assaulted by

the low

standard of cleanliness , the open drains , piles of garbage , aswell as

the accumulation of

rusty tins and broken pottery when they

reach a patch of open countryside . She says , “ This is no different

to some of

the urban areas in southern Ceylon where , after thedeparture of the British , standards have declined . '

Suren readily agrees , 'Dadda used to say what a clean placeJaffna was when h

e

was a child . Now people don ' t seem to take

responsibility even for the area between the

frontwall of

their

property and the edge of

the road .

They stand in a clearing in the still air , saturated with the

scents of

dried grasses and baked earth and the faintly sugary smell

of

cattle . Rohini finds it cloying , unpleasant . Suren wrinkles hisnose , a distant look in his eyes , 'Let ' s go back . ' Perhaps it hasevoked a childhood memory . Rohini is disappointed that he is

unwilling to share themoment with her .

While they walk slowly , he goes on , ‘Don ' t you think myuncle and aunt have accepted u

s?

“They seem all right . It is possible they have welcomed us

out of a sense of duty . I suppose they are not demonstrative so it ' s

hard to know what they really think . ' He searches her face butsays nothing . As they walk o

n they get curious looks from theneighbours ,who smile shyly at them .

Rohini soon develops a high regard for Suren ' s staid auntand uncle . She tells Suren in private that they a

re people of

substance . Their conservatism and appreciation of

tried and

tested old things is evident in their well -kept Austin car with

pristine covers on the seats , the house of whitewashed concrete

walls , sparsely furnished with a few items ofmahogany furniture .

In her eyes , all

this represents durability , soundness andvalue formoney . Suren says mildly , ' I am pleased you like them .

Time and Chance

I don't know whether these are things that matter to me thatmuch .'

Rohini becomes aware of an interesting fact during their briefsojourn in Jaffna . One afternoon , she opens a dog -eared book that

she finds at the bottom of her wardrobe one afternoon . It is a briefhistory of Ceylon written by a Christian missionary .

She had always taken for

granted that , as far

as the

population of

the peninsula is concerned , there is an element of

homogeneity . The majority of people are Tamils who have the

sole right of ownership of

land , but the highly industrious Jaffna

Tamils could notmaster the art ofbaking bread . For this purpose ,

in the early 20th century , about 2 ,000 Sinhalese were brought in

from the southern towns ofGalle and Matara . In those peaceful

years , they lived in harmony with the Tamils as their Tamil

compatriots did

in the Sinhalese -dominated areas in the south .

Most of

Suren ' s relatives make them welcome , and Rohinigains a good insight into the thoughts and beliefs of these welleducated , high -caste people who live in bare homes , have n

o

books on display , no apparent hobbies or

interest in public

entertainments , but display a great interest in people .

On their way back to Colombo , Suren and Rohini compare

notes and talk about their impressions of

Jaffna . ' I could never live

in Jaffna . It ' s all

right for an occasional holiday . It has a certaincharm , quite a contrast to the south o

f

the island . Somehow

I don ' t think even Dadda would feel at home there . '

Rohini responds carefully as she is not confident about

Suren ' s attitudes and sentiments with regard to his ancestry . “ I findJaffna a

n interesting place . But , as you say , I don ' t think I couldlive there . The heat alone would drive meaway . ' After awhile shecontinues , 'What I can ' t understand is how people devoted to

religion and knowledge can endow clerical work with a bright

halo . Everyone seems to denigrate manual labour and look upto

public servants . '

Time and Chance

'I found it quite hilarious too ! Did you notice howpractically everyone thought the world of public servants ? They

consider them desirable marriage partners. I wonder whetherthese arranged marriages work .' Suren continues to look out thewindow as they speed through the northern Dry Zone. 'I alsofound quite repelling the same caste taboos and attitudes so

widely prevalent in the south . As you would have noticed , the

majority of

the

people here are Hindus . Unfortunately ,Hinduism

sanctions the caste system as does society in the south .

They decide that the social norms are as bizarre here as

elsewhere in the island . Everyone seemed busy with his or herconcerns and felt n

o responsibility for

the community or

the

future . They seemed to have a utilitarian point of view to

education , work ,marriage , religion , caste and politics . Rohinisensed that education is fo

r

employment not for

the purpose of

improving the mind . However , a love ofhistory and literature , a

belief in the greatness of

the Tamils centuries ago , sustains them

as it does their Sinhala compatriots in the south of the island .

Perhaps the harsh environment has created a belief that one

should work hard , relentlessly .Work by

the sweat of

one ' s brow as

well as one ' s brain is the proper , even noble occupation . MostJaffna -dwellers seem to have absorbed this tradition andinstinctively obey it .

Back in Colombo for

the rest of

the holidays ,Rohini begins theprocess o

f getting acquainted with Suren ' s family . Suren picks her

up

one Sunday morning and takes her to meet his parents for the

first time . The Ramasamy home in Turret Road is set

well back

from the road . The high whitewashed wall and tall wrought -irongates provide privacy and a sweep o

f

lawn leads to the pillared

portico . As they drive in , Rohini feels an adrenalin rush and is

apprehensive about her reception .

Desperately , she clings to the family connection withSuren ' smother and hopes it will ease her passage into the family .

100 Time and Chance

Suren places a reassuringhand on her folded clammy hands

and says, “ Just relax . They won 't bite you . Shanti will be there toput you at your ease. She does not take anything seriously.'

Tall , spare ,with a touch of grey at his temples and dressedinformally ,MrRamasamy greets them cheerily at the door . 'Comeon in Rohini !We have heard a great deal about you .'He has athoughtful face , kind and serious , patrician but not sombre .Instinctively , she is drawn to him . There is a touch of Suren , talland distinctive , an a

ir

of gentlemanly gravity about him . The

relaxed warmth of

his tone puts Rohini instantly at ease .

'Hello , Rohini ! There you are at last , ' says Shanti , Suren ' s

sister ,who comes flying down the stairs . 'Dadda , just relax . Let ' s

sit

in the small sitting room .Where ' s Amma ? I ' ll go and get her . '

Instantly , Rohiniwarms to Shanti . Fair , leggy and coltish , withtwinkling black eyes and short curly hair ,her irrepressible humour

is obvious . It is evident that her father dotes on

her .Shaking his head with a smile ,MrRamasamy leads the way

to a high room with long windows , slightly sun -bleached chintzcovered rattan armchairs ,many books and interesting objects on

the scattered tables . It has a comfortable lived - in feel that relaxesRohini . She notices with pleasure that the chairs , the books ,everything , appears to be in an agreeable state of use .

Mrs Ramasamy is tall and carries herself with a peculiar

assured grace . She wears a guarded expression , and has an air of

gentility , as she enters the room .

She smiles a greeting , a social smile , and says formally ,

'How do you do? when Suren introduces Rohini . Somewhat

chilled , Rohini notes the details of her clothes , her accessories ,

her sari pin of

old diamonds , the antique gold bracelet on her

wrist .

Rohini waits breathlessly fora sign of recognition , some

sign ofsolidarity from Mrs Ramasamy , an acknowledgement of herconnection with her father . It does not come .Her vague yearningfor some conjunction , a connection , a sense of belonging to this

attractive family , seems to be repulsed .

Time and Chance 101

Defiantly , she thinks , I will not relinquish character ,my innercore , to be a daughter - in -law . Mrs Ramasamy says little but atunguarded moments her keen glance strays often to Rohini,whofeels uneasy at being sized up .MrRamasamy steers the conversation to left -wing politics

and says in an amused tone, 'So you young people have followedthe well -trodden path ofmost idealists . Suren has been telling usabout the classes on communism the two of you have been

attending .'Shanti says, “Dadda , don 't tell me you veered to the left

when you were at the varsity ? I can 't believe you did .' She hootswith laughter .Mr Ramasamy smiles indulgently , 'Well, your staid old

father was young once , you know . The firebrand Peter De Silvawasmy classmate and is still a good friend .'Mrs Ramasamy leaves the room and returns with an elderly

servant bearing fresh orange juice and some delicacies. Suren hadtold Rohini about this o

ld

retainer , John , who has been with them

since he

was born . The old man ' s lowered glance is directed at

Rohini . There is curiosity as well as an element of kindliness

towards her . She smiles at

him .

After partaking of the refreshments , Suren looks at Rohiniand , to put an end to her ordeal , he he says to Shanti , 'Hey ,

Shanti !We are going to Mt Lavinia .Would you like to join us?

Rohini ' s heart fills with affection for his consideration of

her

feelings . They leave soon after . The irrepressible Shanti ' s

continuous banter helps relax Rohini ' s tangled nerves , her tensedmuscles .

Days are spent drinking and socialising with friends in the hotel

by

the sea in Mount Lavinia . Shanti , a few

years Suren ' s junior ,

fun -loving and loyal , becomes their constant companion . Hergood looks and cheerful personality ensures her popularity .

Rohini , used to keeping something in deep reserve , is given to

cor stant

102 Time and Chance

bouts of quietness even in themidst of a crowd . For her any signof life is flashy . Despite her reservations, Rohini envies Shanti ,

but becomes deeply fond of her. She soon becomes included inthe bantering , easygoing relationship between brother and sister .

TWENTY

ohini is not confident of her mother 's thoughts about herT \ future . Sometimes she is convinced that her mother does notbelieve that marriage to Suren will eventuate . Menika says, 'BabyHamu,marriage is something serious . Before you decide anythingthe horoscopes must be compared .'Rohini laughs heartily , 'Do you think Suren has a

horoscope ? I don 't care about all this nonsense . '

Menika ' s brow is furrowed as

she shakes her head , 'Youcan ' t discount horoscopes just like that . It ' s too dangerous . '

Rohini begins to think that Menika and her mother havebeen discussing the ‘dire 'nature of her situation . Perhaps they thinkthat she will forget about Suren once she leaves university . Angrily ,

she thinks , They know so little about me , ofmy sense of determination ,

generated by

the

astrologer ' s calamitous prediction , to remain loyal to

Suren . They are responsible for

placing this

burden on me .

The ancient ruined cities in the north -central part of Ceylon are

the centre of

the old Kingdom of Rajarata , the land of the kings .

The northern border of

this region is the Jaffna Peninsula where

the Tamil world grates against that of

the Sinhalese . The ancientcities of Anuradhapura and Polonnaruwa were the capitals of

the

great agrarian civilisation of

the Sinhalese with its magnificent

irrigation works , soaring stupas rivalling the pyramids , palaces ,

104 Time and Chance

parks and pleasure gardens . The country's creative spirit has along and fascinating history . Dutthagamini wrested theAnuradhapura kingdom back from the Tamil king, Elara th

e

Just .

The works and deeds ofDutthagamini , themonuments he built to

the glory of

Buddhism and the Sinhala nation define the Sinhala

people ,millennium after millennium .

To Rohini , nurtured on these legends , Anuradhapura and

Polonnaruwa have always been incredibly evocative places . Sincefalling prey to dynastic wars and Indian invasions , the citiesgently yielded to the jungle , until discovery b

y

British scholar

administrators centuries later .Nothing in this part of the countryseems free o

f

associations and resonances reaching back in time .

Rohini believes that people carry ancestral memories .

These cities are a favourite holiday destination of

the De

Silva family . Rohini loves these places with a passion . Here ,

hidden voices murmur among the fallen columns . She can closeher eyes and hear a distant drumbeat o

r

the boom ofa conch

shell .

Towards the end of

their vacation , Suren joins Rohini ' s

family on their annual pilgrimage -cum -holiday . Rohini had said

to him while returning home one night from the cinema , “Wouldyou like to comewith us to the ruined cities ? Thatha is planning

our annual trip before we go

back to the campus . '

Suren readily agreed , ' It ' s been quite some time since Daddawent u

p

to Anuradhapura fora case .When Iwas small Iused to go

with him . It will be fun to go with you . You can bemy guide ! '

Gladness seeped into Rohini that Suren shares her happiness

in being in these favourite places of

her childhood .

There are occasions when Rohini surprises herself with

thoughts of

Gehan ,her so -called turbulent emotional past , as shetries to dissipate doubts about her future with Suren . A momentary

hurt or imagined slight hasher retreating to the place in her heart

still inhabited by

Gehan . She decided it was time to be frank withSuren , even if she d

id not bare her soul to him . So she says , “ It will

bea good opportunity to discuss our situation and a few things

Time and Chance 105

that worry me.We never get a chance to talk much these days .There are people around us a

ll

the time . '

It is late afternoon when they arrive at their resthouse in

Anuradhapura . Suren and Rohini sit together watching the sun

set

over the great waters of

the reservoir built by

the Anuradhapura

kings . Clusters of cormorants can be seen feasting on

fish . The

distant shore is hazy but they can discern the outlines ofa couple

of elephants languishing on

the grass at

the water ' s edge . Theconversation drifts to the emerging tensions between the

Sinhalese and Tamil people .

Suren is in a reflective mood . He scans the thick jungle

that spreads from the

far

shore to the fast -fading horizon . Heobserves , ' I am glad in a funny sort ofway that the thick foreststhat had submerged the ancient cities acted a

s

a buffer zone

between the two communities in the northern Jaffna kingdom

and the Sinhalese south . I am sure that this separation encouragedtheir development as discrete communities . '

Rohini readily agrees with him but decides to give vent to

an idea that has been troubling her . “The actual physical isolation

of

the two main racial groups no

doubt enabled them to live

peaceably fora few

hundred years . But this fact would haveprevented the development o

f

the two communities asa cohesive

group with common national interests . ' Suren continues to look

towards the water and does not respond immediately . Deep

within , they both reflect on the emerging trends that have thepotential to impact on their relationship .

By

the Fifties , the modern version of

the economic

competitiveness and bitterness that caused the interracial wars in

ancient Ceylon began to re -emerge with vigour . Rohini wonders

if Suren is also troubled by

this situation and an old feeling of

melancholy overtakes her . She wonders about Suren ' s silence .

Steeped in memories of interracial antagonisms , bloodybattlefields and the triumph o

f

the Sinhalese in this ancient

106 Time and Chance

capital , she wonders how Suren feels . Where do his loyalties lie ?

Does it matter ? Bandaranaike strutting around in his flowing

white costume talking eloquently about the great Sinhala /

Buddhist nation unnerves Rohini . The Sinhalese rabble sitting at

his feet applaud him loudly .

A few

days ago she went into denial . She says fiercely to

herself ,We are not adversaries , the Sinhalese and Tamils ;we are one

nation . But she cannot shed the feeling of impending doom . Shedecides not to give voice to her fears to anyone — not evenSuren . She thinks it is a great human puzzle – our universalcapacity fo

r

denial , for not knowing ornot acknowledging what is

happening around us , often right in front of our eyes .

After a while , Suren reasons , ' I don ' t share your pessimisticfeelings . You know the physical separation that exists between thepeasantry is not evident in the middle classes . No doubt theSinhalese and Tamil masses live in separate concentrations and

rarely mix or

meet socially . '

He pauses and goes on reflectively , ‘But then there havebeen Tamils in every Sinhalese town in the central and southern

parts of Sri Lanka even though they are there for the specific

purpose of running a store or establishing a pawnbroker ' s shop .

There are

also Tamil public officials who are accepted by

local

communities . So it is possible that they have managed to develop

a degree of

tolerance towards each other . ' When Suren is

enthusiastic about any topic he becomes garrulous at

the slightest

provocation . Soon the rest of the family join them on the banks

of

the giant reservoir and , as darkness falls , they go

in for drinks

on the breezy verandah , followed by

dinner .

As

they wander among the ruins in the blazing sun

the next day ,

Rohini glances at Suren from time to time . She wonders whethershe should reveal the intensity as

well as ambiguity of her feelings

as she thinks of

the struggle between Dutugemunu and the Tamilking Elara to wrest control of the Anuradhapura Kingdom .

Time and Chance 107

Her thoughts stray to the Mahavamsa — the story of the

Sinhala nation , in which Dutugemunu says, “This effort ofmine isnot fo

rthe jo

y

of sovereignty but for

the establishment of

the

Buddhist faith forever . '

She dares not reveal a sense of

exhilaration that the

Sinhalese were victorious and that Dutugemunu went on to build

soaring monuments to celebrate his victory . She is confused . She

does not want to contribute to the mythological frame of

reference that still adds meaning to the national perspective .

Yesterday ' s explanations , compromised by

the levels ofknowledge

available to the explainers , no matter how sanctified by

tradition ,

will not carry into the future .

In bed the first night , she had reasoned that , after all , the

Sinhalese were Suren ' smother ' s people and he did not have to

take sides . So she decides to pick up

the threads of

their

conversation from the previous evening .

They walk together ahead of the rest of

the group among

the ancient ruins into which the modern town encroachesseamlessly . They stand and observe the soaring top o

fthe

Ruwanweliseya Dagoba . It appears to float in the sky . Suren says ,

' Isn ' t this magnificent ? To think that awarrior king could come toregret the slaughter o

f the battlefield and devote himself to

religious monuments is amazing !

So he

does appreciate all

this . Rohini feels exhilarated andfeels bold about venturing into uncharted waters . She askstentatively , 'Suren , do you ever think of your Tamil connectionand it

s possible ramifications ? Especially in the context of current

nationalistic events ?

He looks at her solemnly , 'Of course I do . Dadda is

becoming a bit concerned , especially at

the strong feeling that is

emerging . He feels that Bandaranaike will not be able to controlthe forces he has unleashed . '

Rohini , eager to still her own inner fears , her doubts , says ,

' I am convinced that there will be no problems for us .Have you

ever come across anyone who makes a fuss about this Sinhalese /

108 Time and Chance

Tamil business ? If our immediate family don 't raise any objectionsI don 't se

e

why we should care about what anyone says . '

He looks at her thoughtfully , 'You are right . '

Rohini has a feeling of

togetherness as she and Suren shelter under

her parasol . They await the

others ,who engage in the

rituals of

offering flowers , lighting little clay oil

lamps , sheltering the tinyflares with cupped hands until the rag wicks catch the flame .

They continue their conversation and agree that the

middle class andwhite -collar groups merge freely in Colombo and

the bigger towns ,working in the same economic fields , competingwith each other fo

r

jobs and for

supremacy in sports . Rohinireassures herself that the social and cultural atmosphere in which

they were reared tends to blur the racial division between them .

English language and Western culture built bridges and at schoolthey studied British and European history and very little o

f

Ceylonese history . Surely the liberalism and humanism of

the

British system of

education created a background oftolerance ?

However , even among those of their class , very few

people

can bear to contemplate the possibility of

their sons or daughters

marrying out of race ' . This barrier is reinforced by

the continuation

of

caste considerations in marriage in both community groups .While the Sinhalese who received a

n English education and

adopted Western values and manners neglect their own traditions

and language ,most Tamils manage to achieve a balance .

Rohini thinks of

the people she met in Jaffna . They arecosmopolitan in Colombo and peninsular Tamils in Jaffna ,wheremost o

f

them maintain close links with their traditionalhabitats

in the villages and are conscious of

their religious traditions .

As they join the others , Suren says , “As long as there are

employment opportunities and the two groups do not clash in

economic competition , the amity between the two communitieswill last . We should not worry too

much . I really don ' t think it

affects us . ' He smiles at her .

Time and Chance 109

Suren and Rohini return to Peradeniya to serious studies and withless time fo

r

indulgence in extracurricular activities . Rohini seesGehan from time to time , but he is delegated to the back o

f

her

mind . They sometimes pass each other in narrow corridors . Shebarely acknowledges his existence . In other spaces of the campus

she sees him going round with his new wife . Spitefully , she thinkswhat a dowdy person h

e

has married , a cowpat of a woman .

TWENTY -ONE

ces

The year 1956 is a watershed in the history of the nation .1 Bandaranaike sweeps into power, rejecting what a

re accepted

as the social norms in post -colonial Ceylon , and ushers in a

momentous and tumultuous era . A prolonged and painful period

of

decolonisation emerges . Being a liberal democrat , he seekspower through the electoral process and educates the people

about the

value of

this process as

an instrument of political

change .

Rohini and Suren , like most of their friends , observe thepolitical scene with gathering consternation . The conversation inthe canteen is focused o

n one subject . One morning they sit

around , cups of tea cooling on

the table while they engage in an

animated conversation , though the atmosphere remains solemn .

Even Ranjit says , rather apprehensively , ' In making concessions

to the forces which brought him into power , Bandaranaike is

demolishing the balance of political forces established by his

predecessors . ' Rohini is surprised . She expected that Ranjit , givenhis background ,would support the linguistic policies of thenewgovernment .

Suren , who seems thoughtful , agrees , 'Bandaranaike hasabandoned the concept of a multiracial polity in favour ofa brand

of popular nationalism . In Sinhalese , the words for “nation ” ,

" race " and “ people ” are

synonymous . There is danger inherent in

that concept . '

Time and Chance

Rohini adds, “I can 't believe the way ultranationalists assertthat Ceylon is the land of the Sinhalese and the country in which

Buddhism stands in its purest form . I agree this is dangerous

ground . '

Ranjit is silent but he observes them keenly . Rohini is surethat he thinks deeply o

f

the issues but is reluctant to show his

hand .

The linguistic nationalism of

the Fifties becomes a

widespread popularmovement , firstly under Bandaranaike , and ,

after his assassination , under his widow ,Mrs Sirima Bandaranaike .

It cuts across class interests and evokes a deep response from the

Sinhalese working class and peasantry and the Sinhalese educated

elite .

Rohini , Suren and other textbook left -wingers watch thisdevelopment with dread . Ranjit declares , “ If the left -wingelements a

re

to further their cause they will have to be pragmatic

and dilute their theories to suit the local situation . ' Suren looks at

Rohini and realises that she is as surprised as heis at

this

revelation .

Rohini , who had believed in the purity ofRanjit ' s beliefs ,decides to observe him carefully in the future .

Soon , in the wider world , the victim of

this development is

the cosmopolitan outlook of theMarxists and their enlightened

advocacy ofamultiracial secular polity .Most of them studied at

the London School of

Economics and developed their utopian

ideals at

the feet of Harold Laski . Attempts at compromise

marginalise them and they never come to be

considered as

a

viable alternative government . Other more sinister forces ,whichSuren and Rohini suspect Ranjit supports , fill the vacuum .

The shrinking of employment opportunities becomes acute

while , along with the rise in population , ‘educated ' unemployment is on the rise . The Government makes futile attempts to

grapple with this problem and the Sinhalese youth become

increasingly frustrated . The Sinhalese , being greater in numbers ,

cry the loudest against the Government ' s apathy .

112 Time and Chance

MrDe Silva, along with his friend Dr Perera, starts takingan even greater interest in politics . Frustrated by the futileattempts made by the Government to further their long-heldreligious aspirations they decide to join the Freedom Party. Theyhope fo

rthe opportunity to reform from within .

Home during a brief break from exams , Rohini joins themwhen they attend a public meeting . The humidity is high and theheat outside is enervating a

s she and her father drive into the

Colombo campus where the meeting is held . Dr

Perera waits for

them at the entrance to the hall .

Important political figures sit

on the stage . Rohini is

shocked to hear a normally moderate Sinhalese politician declare

on this public platform , 'When we

look around we

can see so

many Tamils , quite out of proportion to their numbers in the

general population , holding plum posts in the public andmercantile sectors . If there is justice in the system and these

people were got rid of

there would be more room for

the

Sinhalese . ' The crudity of the argument strikes her and she thinks

it is an inhumane solution to an essentially human problem .

Neither her father nor his

friend seem to be struck by

this

statement so she holds her tongue .

On the train back to the campus Rohini thinks , here is acountry trapped in the mire o

fa post -colonial phase unable to

move forward to forge an identity of

its

own , free from theshackles o

f

the phoney glory of

the past as well as the bogus

trappings of

the colonial heritage . Soon after , conscious of theirincapacity to come to grips with problems inherent in the

colonial system they had inherited , these opportunistic politiciansbegin to use the ethnic card with vigour .

In the midst of all this political turmoil , Suren and Rohinigraduate from university ,marry and begin their life together . Theyopt for a quiet family wedding . Rohini declares , “ I hate thespectacle , the competition , the extravaganza , the phantasmagoria

ofwedding receptions of people who belong to our group . '

Time and Chance 113

Suren adds , 'I agree . Look at the upwardly mobile few thatstruggle to a

pe

us . I am sure they must be getting deep into debt .

It ' s quite disgusting . '

Relations between Suren ' s mother and Rohini haveimproved marginally . Rohini thinks , at least we ca

n

behave in a

civilised manner and not cause unseemly friction . There will always

bean enigmatic shading in their relationship , something unlikely

to change with marriage .

Rohini thinks a great deal about her name change after hermarriage and the loss o

f

her solid Sinhalese identity . Ironically ,

the notion ofa new name as a form of

escape from family , fromchildhood , where names matter , is an attractive proposition to

her . Names define who you are and your place in the socialhierarchy . In this sequestered island , there is no escape .Her birthname is linked irrevocably to the past and the present as well .

Asa woman attuned to notions of

transformation ,Rohinibelieves that marriage is a sort ofmakeover that ridsher of the

shackles of

childhood ,making her independent and mature .

It does not take long for

her to realise that it is themyth of

transformation that fuels one ' s anxieties aswell as one ' s aspirations .

There is no

escape . She reluctantly concludes that , fora woman ,

the idea inherent in the process of

name change equates to a kind

of

submission , of being bullied by

tradition and patriarchal ideas .

After a brief honeymoon in the central hills , they return to live

with Suren ' s parents . Their limited finances do not permit them

to live independently . Suren ' s sister , Shanti , has gone to Englandfor further studies and has enrolled a

sa boarder in a girls ' school

outside London . She hopes to study at Cambridge ,much to her

parent ' s delight . Rohini misses her company and startscorresponding with her as a means of relieving her frustrations .

Shanti writes long rambling letters , about the hoary and quaint

114 Time and Chance

V .

traditions practised at the school ,where she is immensely popular,

and Rohini responds with her private observations of localpolitical events and family news.Rohini has to come to terms with not being in control of

their daily existence and to adjust to the varied needs and

nuances of the large household , which consists ofmore servants

than members of the family . In that sprawling house , Suren andRohini have their own bedroom with an attached bath away fromthe living quarters of the other members of the family on theupper storey. They come together at mealtimes and share theliving areas downstairs , such as the drawing room ,when there areguests or si

tin the private sitting room in the evening for the

ritual drink before dinner .

They have little privacy to attune their life together as

partners or the space to iron out their differences with abandon .

Old aunts tell her endlessly that the benefits of living in an

extended family setting outweigh the limitations imposed on the

development of

their new relationship .

Suren tells her one night , as they get ready for bed , ' I knowyou ' d much rather we had our own home , but till we a

re

financially secure we

have little choice . Amma means well sodon ' t takeher seriously .

Rohini is aware of the reality of

her situation and unwilling

to hurt his feelings , so she says soothingly , 'Let ' s learn to be

patient with each other . '

But being young and exuberant with high expectations

makes the situation very volatile , and there are occasions when

she experiences Suren ' s rare but volcanic temper . The trigger is

always a negative remark about his mother .

Despite her steely resolve , Rohini is ultra -sensitive to any

remarks hermother - in - law

makes about her appearance or any

comment about her career . Only last evening she had remarked ,

contempt written all

over her face , 'Why do you feel the need to

work ? People do

say

teaching is a genteel profession but you have

to think of running a proper household . I can

tell you that it ' s a

full -time job . '

Time and Chance 115

Growing up, Rohini had an image of herself queening itover her kingdom , giving orders , devoting herself to good deedslike hermother. Now it al

l

looks illusory . The veiled remark thatshe might not be up to being a proper housewife grates on hernerves , but Rohini does not attempt any justification of her need

to use her intellectual skills .Teaching frustrates Rohini . Her intention in accepting the post

offered by her father ' s friend ,who owns a private girls ' school , is to

gain some experience before applying fora postgraduate diploma .

In Peradeniya , she learned to challenge platitudes and cliches . In

the

school , she

urges her teenage charges to read editorials , tractsand texts and question conventional wisdom .

The principal is a martinet , American in origin .

Contemptuously ,Rohiniobserves her pathetic attempt atwearing

a sari . She does not have the innate grace to carry it off.

On Rohini ' s first day , she intoned from the distance of hervast desk , ‘Mrs Ramasamy , you would have noticed that ouraccommodation is cramped and will be so until the newextensions a

re finished . I expect you to maintain strict discipline

as silence is crucial ifwe are to get any teaching done . '

Rohini is sure she got into her bad books by declaring with

her customary forthrightness , ‘At the GCE level , it ' s important to

discuss issues rather than getting the students to regurgitate notes

dictated to them . '

Putting Rohini in her place , she said firmly , 'You may think

so , butin practice thatwill not be possible . '

Resentful but unwilling to lock horns with this woman ,

Rohini smiled thinly . Authority seems to give people an automatic

claim to the truth . She was determined that she would follow themaxim that a good education should be anti - authoritarian and she

would try

to teach her charges the difference between information

and knowledge .

ΚΟΙ

116 Time and Chance

While her relations with Suren 's mother remain rather uneasy,during long conversations with Suren 's father, Rohini becomesclosely acquainted with his attitudes and opinions about a range

of subjects . His law practice is deliberately on the wane , and he

spends a great deal of

time in his study reading and writing down

his observations of

the political scene in his diary .Hetells Rohini

it ' s a Victorian habit hehas cultivated since he was a youth .Mostevenings , if Suren works late ,Rohini drifts into his study and si

ts

there with him until dinner is ready .

One evening , he says to her , ‘Rohini , you know we live in

interesting times . '

She replies , “ I have been following the politics of

independent India fora long time and it is interesting to see the

parallels between the two countries . She hopes to draw him out

into a discussion of post -colonial politics .MrRamasamy gets up

from his desk and goes to the bookshelves that line the walls .

‘Few people ,not even members ofmy family , know that

I used to correspond with Nehru during the Indian struggle for

freedom . ' Rohini is excited and exhilarated that he confides in

her . He pulls out a stack of neatly tied diaries and looks at thespines o

n

which dates are inscribed . Pulling out a few , he says ,

'Here you are . These comments area sort of summary ofmy

thoughts from that period ofmy life .

From then on Rohini is given a selection of diaries to read

from his chronologically arranged collection stacked on

a secret

shelf . She gains a good insight and her affection for

him develops .

These evenings spent in her father - in - law ' s company become the

high point of

her day as

tensionsmount during the day at school .

Dadda , as she calls him now , is the product of the system of

private school education of

the early 20th century . Hulftsdorp , in

the heart of

Colombo , where he set up his practice , is the legal

centre of the island . It has been a breeding ground of

the

nationalistic activities of the Ceylonese ruling class who are

dedicated to a unitary state after the departure of the British .

Time and Chance 117

One evening , he laughs, 'I was born and bred in Colomboand grew up speaking Sinhalese to the servants . I never learnedany Tamil.So I was given a hard time whenever my parents tookme to visit relatives in Jaffna. Fluent in Sinhalese , the majority ofhis close friends , old boys of leading public schools as well asclients , a

re Sinhalese , though of

course they communicate with

each other in English . Like most Tamils who live in the south ,

Mr Ramasamy knows very little spoken orwritten Tamil .

Rohini hears him speaking in Sinhalese to servants and

tradespeople and sometimes to clients who are not proficient in

English . His colloquial Sinhalese is excellent and he speaks with a

measure of fluency and without those inflections that indicate to

all that one is a Tamil .With his light colouring ,his Tamil ancestry

is not obvious .Despite his obvious Tamil name , people who belong

to his social class tend to discount his identity . His public persona

is that of

the tall gracious gentleman , the famous QC .

One evening Rohini walks into Mr Ramasamy ' s study and findshim in a pensive mood . The only light comes from a single desk

lamp that illuminates little more than the tooled leather surface

on which it stands . 'Come in , Rohini . I have been sitting here

thinking how gradually resentment is growing towards the Tamils

who are prominent in public life in Colombo . I have never

thought of ourselves as a minority group , though we

certainly are

if you consider the population numbers . '

Rohini feels sadness , an indefinable ache . She alwaysthought o

f

the Sinhalese and Tamils as twomajority communities .

“Yes , I too

sense that the notion of

onemajority community and

several minorities is now emerging . The passing of

the “ Sinhala

Only Bill ” is an important landmark in allof

this . '

Suren comes in and says , “Why are the two of

you sitting in

the dark and switches on the overhead light . He says lightly ,

'What long faces ! Dadda ,how about a drink ? '

118 Time and Chance

Mr Ramasamy agrees flippantly , 'Yes, let ' s go and drown oursorrows . ' They g

o

into the sitting room where Mrs Ramasamy is

reading a magazine .

Mr Ramasamy settles down , drink in hand , and lookspensive . There is now a duality in Tamil political attitudes that

I do not consider desirable . While some Tamils now assertminority rights they are also searching for a wider role in the

national scheme of things . 'He pauses and says , 'Suren , how are

you getting on in your job?

'Dadda , I try to steer clear of office politics . I am thinking

of sitting for the civil service exam . '

Mrs Ramasamy looks pleased . “That ' s a good idea . I am sureyou ' ll do well and get in . Once you are well established in the

civil service you won ' t have to get embroiled in politics . '

Rohini thinkswith contempt how naïve she is !

MrRamasamy muses aloud , ‘Even now after so many years

of independence the civil service is the closed division of

the

higher bureaucracy .

Suren goes on , ‘ I ' ve been doing some reading these past few

days . Cadetship in the civil service was the preserve of expatriate

British officials in colonial times .When the

Ceylon Civil Service

was established only the best type of Englishman received

appointment . '

Rohini adds , ‘You mean people like Leonard Woolf ?

‘Exactly . The key ingredients were a good education andupbringing , high social status that would make the exercise o

f

administrative authority instinctive .

Mrs Ramasamy ,who has been listening to the conversation ,

now adds , ' Isn ' t the civil service still confined to members of thelocal upper classes ?

Her husband ,who had seemed preoccupied , says , “ I am notsure that ' s a good thing . '

Time and Chance 119

There is a marked amity between most Sinhalese and Tamil

members of the ruling class prominent in politics in Colombo .They have close personal links that were established at school and

similar Westernised backgrounds. After the passing of the SinhalaOnly Bill, many of the Tamil elites become apologists fo

r

the

Government . Though Tamil nationalists at heart , some of them

are natural allies of the UNP . Dadda ,who has been brought upin

this social milieu , is not openly supportive of any party but he haswhat Rohini considers a liberal and moderate approach to most

issues involving politics .

TWENTY -TWO

ater that year, when the

Ramasamy family gathers one

evening in the sitting room for their evening drink , Suren ,

who has been working late , comes in looking flustered . 'Have you

all

heard the news ? ' he says ashe drops his

briefcase on the floor .

'Some Freedom Party thugs set

upon a demonstration organised

bya group of

Tamil politicians at

Galle Face . '

Mr Ramasamy hands him a drink , saying , “Suren , sit

down

and tell uswhat happened . '

A trickle of

sweat rolls down Rohini ' s back as

she waits

breathlessly for

the details . Even Mrs Ramasamy appears worried

as

Suren goes on , ‘My God , Dadda ! the situation is getting ugly .

These politicians were manhandled and subjected to acts of

humiliation . One or two of their leaders were stripped of theirclothes and had to seek cover in the Galle Face Hotel . '

They all

wait forMr Ramasamy ' s comments . Rohini hasnoticed in recent conversations the erosion o

f

his empathy with

the Sinhalese ruling class . So she

waits with some trepidation ,

unwilling tomake any comment .

He appears reflective as he pours himself another drink

and , still standing , he says solemnly , "What has happened is

disgraceful . '

There is silence in the room . He goes on , ' I fear it willcause further confusion , which will affect the political vision of

the Tamil leadership and their position in the Ceylonese polity . '

Time and Chance 121

Emboldened by her evolving relationship with her father

in - law , all

that Rohini can think of just then is to voice her

innermost fears . ' I know I am being selfish , but I only hope all

these upheavals are not going to affect usasa family .

They all

turn in her direction . Even Mrs Ramasamy looksgrave .Mr Ramasamy says rather vehemently , 'We must alwaysthink o

f

ourselves first and foremost asmembers of

one family . Aslong aswe keep that in mind we can never be affected b

y

what

goes on outside . '

As

the days pass , a potent element in the collectiveexperience o

f

most Tamils is the deep sense of

humiliation

proceeding from the culture of

the State that has developed

through the years . As Sinhalese leaders fail to publicly condemn

the violence and abandon moral principles , Rohini ' s fearsincrease . A disillusioned Dadda , cognisant of the long -termdamage being wrought , appears at times to withdraw from thepolitical process altogether .

Rohini continues to enjoy her late -evening chats with MrRamasamy as the insights h

e

reveals in his conversations with her

give her a deeper understanding of contemporary thinking . They

keep political discussions to the minimum at the dinner table , as

they are all aware that Mrs Ramasamy is bored with the subject

and refuses to discuss anything that borders on politics .

Sometimes Suren and Rohini forget her reservations and

continue their chats with Dadda , sending her into glum silence .

Secretly , Rohini is pleased to shut her out . She feelsempowered . There are powerful allies on her side , especially

Dadda . She is proud that with his immense intellect and erudition

he

still gives her the time of day . She is confident that she enjoysSuren ' s total loyalty and support . Mrs Ramasamy no doubt is

acutely aware of all this . Sometimes when the dinner table

conversation has shut her out for a while she gets up abruptly , theloud grating o

f

her chair on

the concrete floor indicating to all

her

122 Time and Chance

intense irritation . She then bustles about helping the servant toclear the table .The situation in the country causes MrRamasamy a great deal ofangst .Rohini observes the deterioration of his happy disposition

and wishes that she could do something to dissipate the gloom .“I worry about Dadda . He seems to be marooned in his

studymore and more these days while Amma flits about playing

bridge with her cronies and we are out most of the day,' Rohinisays to Suren onenight as they lie in bed reading .

Suren responds , ' I think I ' ll have a chat with DrWirasinha ,

who used to be a frequent visitor and one of Dadda ' s oldest

friends . Perhaps we can get Amma to invite him and a few friendsover fo

r

dinner as a distraction . '

When told about the dinner plans , Mr Ramasamybrightens visibly and suggests a few names to hiswife fo

r

inclusion

on the guest list .

The conversation of

the eclectic gathering reflects the

topics of

the day ,which threaten the fabric of their lives .Rohini scrutinises the gathered men , leading professionals

in their various fields , comfortable and settled in their homes ,

their families all

beneficiaries of

the social milieu of

their

immediate ancestors . Now forces outside their control threatentheir way o

f

life .

Rohini feels a wave of pride and affection when Mr

Ramasamy says , “Rohini and I have many discussions about the

emerging situation in the country .What troublesme is that many

of

the social and political norms and institutions that we

considered normal in post -colonial Ceylon are coming to be

rejected by

the forces that brought Bandaranaike into power . '

Dr

Wirasinha , who had been observing Rohini with a

benign smile , turns to his friend and adds , 'Well , James ,

Bandaranaike ' s maintenance of parliamentary democracy may

have reflected his liberal democratic convictions . But hispurposeful demolition o

f

the multiracial polity in the face of

linguistic nationalism bodes ill for the future . '

Time and Chance 123

Mr Kangaratnam , the Director of the Public WorksDepartment , an old acquaintance of Mr Ramasamy, seemsdespondent . He says in sombre tones, 'What worries me is thatSinhalese nationalism is rapidly becoming identified with an allisland nationalism . I fear the battlelines a

re being drawn . TheTamil political parties recently said that the Tamil -speakingpeople in Ceylon constitute a nation distinct from that o

f

the

Sinhalese . 'He holds the attention of the entire room .He goes on ,

'What does it all

mean , James ? I am so confused these days and so

worried about what the future holds for all ofus . ' They all look

hopefully atMr Ramasamy ,whose face has become expressionless .

Soon the political situation is exacerbated by

the ghetto

mentality that leads the Tamils living in Colombo to make a

serious mistake . Mr Ramasamy declares with some exasperationwhile the family is gathered a

t

the dinner table , 'As aminoritythat wishes to b

e

regarded as

an integral part of

the nation , everyeffort should b

e

made by

the Tamils not to attract attention to

themselves . Huddling together in enclaves such as Wellawatte

and in and around Colombo is a dangerousmistake . '

Suren says , “The communal -minded Sinhalese are well

aware of

the Tamil colony in Wellawatte . I have a friend from theoffice who lives in the area and h

e says that when he goes for a

walk in the evening these loafers who hang around the street havestarted casting remarks at him . '

Mrs Ramasamy asks , 'What do they say ? "

'Well , they say quite loudly “Ado Demala , why don ' t you

go

back to Jaffna ? " Jeganathan is beginning to feel quite insecure

living in that area now .

As

time passes , this area becomes overcrowded with theconstant influx of people from Jaffna . They spread further south

to Ratmalana , causing alarm among the local Sinhalese populace

and politicians , who regard this area asa traditional Sinhalese

residential district .Many extremist Sinhalese politicians come to

124 Time and Chance

believe that the Tamils have formed a secret conspiracy to take

control of Colombo and the administration of the country by

sinister infiltration .

The populace consider 1956 the year when 'the dethronement ofthe Westernised elite 'began . But, as later events revealed , evenby the Sixties the Westernised political elite remained a

dominant force capable of adapting themselves to the new trends .However , in the Fifties , local elites who had supported theSinhala cultural revival , the Buddhist monks, rural landowners ,ayuyrvedic physicians and Sinhalese school teachers begin to

exert great influence on the politics of the day.In the past fe

w

weeks Rohini has held many matterssimultaneously in mind . Now she thinks consciously o

f

each

event in turn and wonders whether Gehan is happy in his

marriage ,whether he thinks ofher and their experiences together

as she does .Memory and regret seethe through her . She reflects

on the tenuous connections that shaped their relationship .No , it

would never have worked .

Suren comes home in the early afternoon with glad tidings

and finds her asleep . He sits on the bed beside her and leans overher . His soft kiss awakens her . 'What time is it ? ' He does not tellher anything while she showers and dresses in a rush . When thefamily gathers in the sitting room , Suren announces , ' I have beenposted a

s

the

Assistant Government Agent to Batticaloa . '

'Congratulations ! This calls fora celebratory drink , ' says

a beaming Dadda .

Mrs Ramasamy smiles hesitantly and surprises Rohini withher statement , 'Batticaloa is so fa

r

away .We willmiss the

two of

you very much . The tone is genuine , a mother ' s grief at

separation .Rohini looks away as she feels the sting of tears on hereyelids . She gulps her drink . Sadness mingles with relief that at

last Suren and she will have the opportunity to build their

relationship . It adds to a welter of other emotions .

TWENTY - THREE

ohini's parents , although happy at the news of Suren 'sTladvancement , a start of a secure career , express someconcern , as do Suren 's parents, about their impending remotelocation at the other end of the island. ‘Baby Hamu ,when will wesee you again ? wails Menika . You can 't go a

llthat way by

yourself .

Mrs De

Silva watches Menika with amusement . ' Do youwant to g

o

with them ? '

Menika says defensively , 'There may be servants in the

house there but you must have somebody you trust . Hamu , youknow I can ' t go . ' She turns to Rohini , ‘My niece Soma has leftschool and is unable to find a jo

b. I ' ll see if she would like to go

with you . '

Soma accompanies Suren and Rohini as they flyto the east coast .

At

the airstrip , a shimmering heat rises from the bare red earthand thorny scrub fans out to feathery trees that stand limp a

t the

edge of

the clearing .

An official car whisks them to the Kachcheri , an oldcolonial building set in the centre of the town . Rohini takes in

the modest whitewashed buildings with red flat tiled roofs

surrounding the Kachcheri . She surprises herself as an uncommonfeeling o

f serenity , an optimistic expectation ,drifts through her .

126 Time and Chance

Suren and Rohini are ushered by a liveried peon into the

Government Agent's office at the end of a dusty corridor. A darkburly man with prematurely greying hair,Mr Samarasinha comesround his vast cluttered desk and extends a welcoming hand to

each of them in turn .He says in a booming voice , 'I am glad to have you here .

Batticaloa is a good staging post.What you learn here will standyou in good stead .' As Suren and Rohini have not been invited totake a seat , they stand in awkward silence . They are soon dismissed .You must be tired. Why don 't you drive up to the bungalow andrest fo

r

the day ? Mr Ramasamy , we will see you at work earlytomorrow morning . Iwill introduce you to the staff then . '

They arrive at

a large old , surprisingly cool houseconstructed in the style o

f

those built for colonial administrators

forced to live in remote regions of

the colony . It carries an aura of

space , of grandeur . It stands on spacious enclosed grounds well

away from the subdued bustle of the sparsely populated township .

Rohini looks around at her first home , taking in the wide

verandah with its polished concrete floors . A white latticed

screen joins the thick pillars that hold up

the curved tile roof .

Potted palms line the front verandah .

They are greeted by

an elderly man , who foldshis hands

and bends his head respectfully , saying , 'Hamu Mahattaya , I am

Arnolis . ' Pointing to the young man who hesitates at the open

doorway , he continues , 'This is Premadasa who looks after thehouse . If Hamuwants somebody to cook fo

r

you I can arrange for

a woman who helped the previous lady to come up

to the house . '

Rohini smiles as she says , 'Don ' t worry , Arnolis . Soma ,whohas come with u

s , will take charge of the kitchen . '

Their numerous cases are taken through the cavernous

house , sun streaking through wooden slats shading the windows .

The heat outside was oppressive , intense .

As

they go in , Rohini remarks , 'What a coolhouse ! '

Suren , who looks around , says , “These houses , built in

colonial times ,were designed by

English architects to maximise the

Time and

Chance 127

tropical light . 'He goes up to the

window and adjusts the wooden

slats , letting in more light . 'They also went to great lengths to

ensure coolness within and ventilation throughout the house . '

Their cases are placed in what seems to be the master

bedroom . As they follow Premadasa , Rohini observes theuncoordinated pieces o

f

solid furniture that have been added over

the years by previous occupants .

Their room is wide and long , ending in a row of windows .

The enormous carved rosewood four -poster bed with itsmosquito

net canopy neatly gathered above it is parallel to the windows .

The air ismusty .Outside the windows , filling them , is a mass of

tropical vegetation , a tangle of purple lantana on which Rohini

discovers later , the rain falls silently . A little further away there is

a stand of pink and white oleanders growing with abandon .

An imported Belgian mirror hangs above the large dressing

table , bubbled and yellow in patches from long contact with the

salty air . Rohini sits at the table . The mirror returns only a faint

and distorted reflection . She laughs , ‘This won ' t do . I ' llhave to

get

another dressing table . '

Suren puts his arm round her shoulders and peeks in the

mirror . ' I recall passing an interesting -looking furniture shop on

our way here . You might have a look there . '

Rohini wanders outside to see Soma ' s living quarters andthe kitchen , intent o

n organising the household . She findsArnolis ,who is in the servants ’ quarters a

t the back of

the house .

She expresses her desire to see the rooms . Taking a bunch ofkeysfrom hiswaist , Arnolis proceeds to open each room in turn .

Soma will not be relegated to one of

these rooms too far

from themain house . Coming back into the house , Rohini opens

the door ofa small room adjacent to the dining room , which is

full of empty cardboard boxes . “Premadasa , I want this roomcleared right away . Open the windows and dust the room . ' Sheselects items of

furniture from other rooms , such asa bed ,mirrorand cupboard for

Soma ,making it plain that Soma is in charge of

the household

128 Time and Chance

Suren is speaking on the phone in the front room , deemedhis office,when she returns.He puts the phone down , saying, “Wehave been invited by the medical officer's wife fo

r

dinner thisevening so thatwe can meet th

e

locals .

Suren and Rohini soon become absorbed into the tightly

knit community of public officials . She discovers it is a curiously

supportive , gossipy , self - indulgent , heavy -drinking community

that socialises at parties , in themarketplace and at private dinners

and lunches .

When Suren and Rohini arrive that first evening they findthe womenfolk gathered in the drawing room . The Dry Zoneevening coolness , the salty sea breeze blowing in through the

open windows and the Kashmir silk - clad women pitifully

attempting a Colombo sophistication is not cotton - clad Rohini ' s

scene . She observes the men who are outside on the verandah ,

drinks in hand , enjoying an animated conversation .

Rohini is hastily introduced to the ladies . She draws back .

Artificial smiles gleam on

vacuous , heavily painted faces . Shegrabs the opportunity to escape outside . She follows Suren a

s heis

ushered out by

his boss to meet themenfolk .

After a round of

introductions ,Mr Samarasinha takes uponhimself the role o

f

orientating the young couple . In a patronising

manner , he declares , “Since independence , the Government hasfocused o

n one of

the most dynamic sectors of

the island ' s

economy — peasant agriculture . The result is the massive landdevelopment and irrigation scheme , th

e

Gal Oya Project , underour informal jurisdiction . Iwill take you out there shortly . '

Rohini observes him and thinks , I don ' t like him . To some

extent he has shed the officious , pompous persona of their earliermeeting , but his swarthy person , slightly protruding teeth , hisaffected earthy laughter , repel her .

Their host , Dr

Perera ,not to be outdone , interrupts , ‘ Therehas been a shift in the demographics in this region with the

settlement ofmany Sinhalese in the colonies set up

in the valley ,

in addition to the Tamils and Muslims who have lived here for

centuries . I am not sure whether this bodes well for

the future . '

Time and Chance 129

Mr Samarasinha looks at him and adds rather pompously ,

'Well , this is something we need to keep an eye on , isn ' t it ?

Taking advantage of the lull in the conversation , Rohini

asks , 'While we were driving in this morning I noticed manyshaven -headed men dressed in short red trousers working in the

rice fields .Who are they ?

Mr Ramanathan , who had been observing them and hadbeen introduced a

s the engineer in charge of

the local Public

Works Department , says softly , ‘Muslim traders drifted to the

eastern province since about the seventh century . They havebecome settlers who farm stretches o

f

rice fields up

and down the

coast . They are called “mattayas ” by the locals . '

Rohini asks with interest , ' So the people we saw

are

Muslims ?“Yes . They are linguistically bound to the Tamils and have

occupied these areas since the days of the Sinhalese kings . '

As they get ready for bed , Suren remarks , 'What do youthink o

f

this bunch ?

' I am not particularly impressed with any of them , though Irather like that Mr Ramanathan . But I suppose we have to makethe best o

f

the situation . '

Suren sighs , ‘These people are part of our necessary social

world for

the time being . ' They are both aware of the limitations

of

this provincial town .

Rohini sets up

house for

the first time since hermarriage with a

sense of

adventure . Soma becomes her confidante and support

while Suren is at

his office within the Kachcheri . TheGovernmentAgent , his boss ,wields al

l

authority and power in the region and

Suren , ever conscious of the pecking order , is happy to remain in

the background . Despite his position as Assistant Government

Agent , length of

service and seniority matters greatly in the

hierarchical structure of

the civil service . Despite his position ,

Suren is initially considered a juniormember of the team .

130 Time and Chance

Unlikemost young women who drift into domestic servicein affluent homes, Soma managed to finish secondary schoolingin the town adjacent to her village . Lack of job opportunities

made her seek domestic service . Her pleasant demeanour ,confidence , a great deal of common sense and a sense of humourendears her to Rohini and sets the tone of their relationship . Thetwo young women set about creating a home with energy andenthusiasm .

Their daily forays into the township in the chauffeur

driven official car yield fresh seafood and dry -zone vegetables :

pumpkins , green chillies and many varieties of gourds , which are

added to their daily menu . Soma develops into an excellent cook

and housekeeper and Rohini lets her take over the running of thehousehold .

At

the local furniture shop , Rohini is pleased to find an old

dressing table that stands abandoned in a dusty corner . The shop

owner tries to interest her in something new . 'Hamu ,we have a

young carpenter from Moratuwa who will make a new dressing

table according to your specifications . I have a book of designs . '

Rohini continues to rummage around with Soma . She hasmade her decision and says firmly , 'Please clean u

p

this old

table

for

me .When it is delivered a couple of days later , she is happy tosee that the carvings and antique sheen o

n it ensures that it

blends with the rest of the furniture . She keeps the old mirror .

The large winged chair by

the window and the curved grandfather

chair all belong together .

Though aware of the provinciality of

Batticaloa and the initialfeeling o

f being banished from the centre of

the world , Rohinirapidly develops a sense of contentment , an acceptance of her lot .

She is relieved of

the stress of living with Suren ' s parents ,

especially his mother . She is glad she has turned her back on

teaching in a school that viewed her unorthodox views and

methodology with suspicion . She and Suren have more time to

Time and Chance 131

themselves despite their frenetic social life . She is themistress ofher domain ,with an indulgent husband and loyal servant .

During the heat of the day she spends much time lazilyreclining on the armchair beside her bedroom window , reading

tracts on the ancient irrigation works in the area and other

historical records compiled by Suren 's predecessors .Many of theseBritish surveyors and civil servants were scholar-administrators .The records they maintained while they ruled this region display

an avid interest in and sensitivity to its history .

A sodden day keeps Rohini indoors . The household humslike a well -oiled machine .Restless , she goes to her room and lies

on her armchair by

the open window . Outside , the rain drips on

the

tangle of

lantana , soundlessly . She gets her diary and sits at

the antique Dutch desk in their bedroom .

‘Damp rainy day in which I have persistently thought of

Gehan . It is more than five years since we first met . I think now

he

and I have no story . The possibilities I sometimes dreamedabout were too fa

r-fetched . Have I a right to regret ? Dear reliable

Suren knows nothing ofmy disloyal thoughts , of that love that isnow aberrant . '

In the evenings , the public officials and their families , many of

them birds ofa feather , with similar appetites for food and drink ,

gather in each others ' houses for drinks and dinner . A sense of

obligation to Suren drives Rohini to attend these pointless rituals .

Picnics and boat -rides on the reservoirs , home to monstrous

crocodiles or tracking herds of elephants , enliven the weekends .

One evening ,with a few others , they go

to the ArmyMess

for

drinks . Dr

Perera introduces them to the commanding officer ,

who extends a diffident hand , his shy eyes turning from Suren to

Rohini . Captain Amal Ranasinha is clean -shaven , softly spoken

and has pleasant features .Rohini warms to him but stays withinthe social strictures , not revealing her feelings .

132 Time and Chance

Late that night , as they get ready for bed , Rohini ventures‘Amal seems a nice chap .'

Thoughtfully , Suren scans her face. 'We don 't know himvery well . So Iwill reserve my judgment.'Rebuffed ,Rohini does not elaborate her feelings — that, of

allthe people shehas met so far

here , he is the only kindred spirit .

The non -conformist emotions coil deep within her as shestruggles to sleep . Articulation o

f any feelings , of any affinity for

an otherwise unconnected member of the opposite sex , is taboo .

The danger is that the expression of

such feeling will be always

misinterpreted , injected with sexual overtones , and one willbecome the subject o

f

vicious reputation -destroying gossip . A

subliminal oppression hovers as Rohini settles into restless

slumber , interrupted by

Suren ' s intermittent , inebriated snoring .

Soon ,however , Suren ' s feelings of friendship towards Amal makehim seek his company . His artistic sensibilities and culturedmanner attract Suren and Rohini and this affinity results in a

special bond . Ill at ease with army codes of behaviour andbureaucratic strictures , Amal , it soon becomes obvious , is lonely .Dr Perera ' s snide remark , 'Captain Ranasinha is a

n artist , you

know ' , and the guffaw that ensues angers Rohini . No doubtalcohol and art provide h

im with an escape route . The

incongruence of

the choice of

an army career and his artistic

sensibilities evoke a sympathetic chord in both of

them , and theyreach out to him .

One evening , Suren suggests that they drop in at themessfor a drink . Suren and Rohini share a

n interest in art and long to

start a collection . Suren says , “ I hear Amal has quite a few

paintings with him . I suppose he has plenty of

time on his

hands .

Perhaps he will be willing to sell something weboth like . '

Themess ,where Amal , a bachelor ,has his living quarters , is

relatively empty when they arrive . Unexpected pleasure lights hisface a

s he greets them affably and orders drinks . After a while ,

Time and Chance 133

IS

Suren says , ‘Amal,we hear you are an artist. This quiet life shouldgive you ample leisure to give free rein to your artistic sensibilities.'He smiles as he sips h

is drink . ‘At first , when I was postedhere , my parents were horrified . They feared that their onlyprecious son was being relegated to the wilds . I was totallyembarrassed when they tried to speak to the Army Commander to

defermy transfer . '

Rohiniasks , 'Did it work ? '

‘No . Fortunately forme he was always otherwise engagedwhenever they tried to speak to him . '

Suren teases , 'You have been here for nearly a year now .

Are you resigned to your fate ? '

“ A soldier has to go

wherever he is sent . I did have somereservations but then I packed enough a

rt materials and decided

to indulgemy passion duringmy exile .

Rohini curbs her impulse to ask

him to show them his

works of

art . Soon alcohol breaks down his defences . Amal goes

into his rooms and returns with some pencil portraits and a fewpen and ink drawings . He holds the sheaf of papers in his handandRohini observes his discomfort . His eyes arehooded as he says

to Suren , ‘These are a few things I have done recently . I don ' tusually d

o landscapes or portraits in the conventional sense . He

hesitates and smiles , “You can perhaps describe my artisticofferings as surreal .

Rohini stands at Suren ' s shoulder and , after the first

glimpse , she draws back , startled by

the sadomasochistic element

in his drawings . She recoils instinctively and sits down in her

chair , waiting for

Suren to pass the sheaf to her . She ponderswhether they are consciously surreal o

r the outpourings of a

tortured mind . Suren hands them over with a subdued , secretiveglance . Some of the portraits a

re of

local identities . She decidesthey capture fleeting details in the human face that depict

insights into his subject ' s personality . There is silence in the roombroken by

the offer of

another round of

drinks from Amal ,whogoes in search o

f the waiter .

134 Time and Chance

Suren comes round and sits on the arm of Rohini 's chair ,peers over her shoulder and says softly , 'These are technicallyperfect sketches .' Rohini is stunned as they seem to be an

outpouring of Amal's personal agonies, perhaps depictions of theinner demons that torture him , driving him to drunken oblivion .She says nothing.When Amal returns , sh

e

expresses her genuine admiration

ofhis artistic and technical skills . ‘Amal , these are wonderful . Do

you confine yourself to black and white ? Do you never use

colours ?

He sips his drink while searching their faces . He says , ' This

is the medium that gives expression to the impressions I have of

people and events . No , I have never used watercolours , exceptwhen Iwas a schoolboy .

On the way home , Rohini expresses her dismay at the

obvious mental torture symbolised in his artistic themes ,

depictions of

tortured souls , and mythical figures in attitudes of

agony . Suren muses aloud , ' I wonder whether he has a torturedpast ,whether he suffers from depression . '

' I feel sorry for

him . I don ' t think I ' d like to have any ofthose paintings o

r

sketches hanging on the walls of my home . '

She laughs uneasily , ' If Menika sees them she ' ll say they are theworks o

f

the devil . '

TWENTY -FOUR

Dor a while Batticaloa seems enchanting , their soporific existenceT 'unending .Rohini's self -confidence , a sense ofbelonging ,ofbeingacknowledged everywhere she goes, fuels her existence . Recognitionis a primary human need and she has it in ample measure . Those atthe apex of the hierarchy are assured of power and security ,guaranteed respect . In the bazaar, shopkeepers rush to serve her.People on the street treat her with deference . But the general

indolence in practical matters, a shared intense preoccupation withsmall things that even Suren and she fall into , tiny points of socialdecorum ,mark a society adrift and turned in on itself .Rohini is pregnant and onemorning she sits alone in the

vast house , faintly depressed . As her feelings of malaise deepen ,Suren is infinitely patientwith her,but she lashes out at him . Shethinks he tries too hard to alleviate her misery. Now she feelsmiserable as she thinks of the defeated look of concern on his face

when she lashed out at him this morning . She ' s been too hard on

him .

These past few

days ,waves of nausea have passed throughher body and angrily she longs for Gehan .Why do I think of him ?

Creating a child is a joyous experience to be

shared . Surendeserves better .

Suren comes home one evening and finds Rohini freshly

bathed and cheerful . He smiles widely and says , 'You seem to be

feeling better at

last ! Let ' s sit on the verandah and have a drink .

136 Time and Chance

It's nice and cool outside . Premadasa brings them fresh lime juiceas they lie o

n

armchairs on the breezy verandah .

Rohini , intent on mending fences , asks , 'What news fromColombo ?

Suren stands up

and looks towards the garden as twilight

falls gently .He says , ' I am concerned by the news we get

that the

Government is mooting a scheme of devolving administrative

powers to regional councils to be

set

up

in the northern and

eastern provinces . '

‘ Isn ' t that good news ?Why are you worried ?

'That ' s not all. They have also agreed to restrict settlement

of

Sinhalese colonists in the irrigation schemes such asGal Oya

in order to safeguard the majority position of

the Tamils in these

areas . This won ' t go down well with the Sinhalese nationalists . '

A horrible presentiment , a cloud , drifts over Rohini , butshe thinks shemust not ta

x

Suren too much at the end ofa hard

day at the office . She longs to speak to Dadda , but conversations

on the unreliable phone lines leave her frustrated . Perhaps Amal ,

who has just returned from Colombo ,will be able to tellhermore .

As they go in for

dinner , she says , 'Let ' s ask Amal over for aquietmeal . He should b

e able to give us

some insights into the

political situation . '

Suren agrees , ' In fact , now that you are feeling better Iwas

thinking of inviting an American guy I met at the Hardy

Institute , who seems very interested in local politics . Let ' s just

invite him and Amal over . '

Larry Crawford is an engineer who has been appointed head

of

the Hardy Institute , funded under an

aid program to provide

technical training to local youth . He displays a genuine interest in

indigenous affairs .Widowed with adult children in the States , he

lives alone in a large house overlooking the Gal Oya Dam .

Amal picks him up

and they drive over together . Rohinihas aired themusty living room and placed fresh flowers in it . In

themuted light cast by

the tall lamps , the room is transformed .

Suren looks in before their guests arrive and says , This room

Time and Chance 137

looks inviting !We should use it more when we entertain .' Thecasementwindows are open , letting in the evening breeze . As indesert region 's in the Dry Zone there is an appreciable change inthe temperature as night approaches.After drinks are served and pleasantries a

re exchanged ,

Rohini , unable to contain herself , asks Amal , 'Have you had anymore news from Colombo ? Suren has been telling me about some

of

the political shenanigans .Turning to Larry , she says , 'Larry , please forgive u

s for

talking shop . Despite Suren ' s position here and the obviousreason fo

r

our exile , I do feel cut off

from important events . '

‘Don ' t worry , I am interested in what ' s going on

too. '

At Suren ' s urging , Amal says in a low voice , ‘All sorts of

forces have been unleashed in the past few

years that can upset

the delicate political balance of power .While Iwas in Colombo ,

Iwas horrified to see the sad spectacle ofBuddhist priests joininghands with Sinhalese extremists to protest a

t

the grant of basic

rights to Tamils . No hint of Buddhist compassion there .

Suren ,who has been listening intently , glances at Rohini ,perhaps concerned about the upset further newsmight cause her .He tries to signal an end to the conversation . She looks away ,refusing to meet his eyes , as Amal goes o

n , 'The UNP is

exploiting the situation by

declaring their opposition to the grant

of any concessions to the Tamils . '

Larry shakes his head , ‘Political opportunism can prevent

any solution of

the emerging ethnic problems . '

The Daily News delivered by

the night mail train fromColombo reaches them a day late .Rohini scans the newspaperswith growing apprehension a

s sporadic violence in Colombo and

some provincial centres erupts . Her concern for

Suren ' s parentsgrows as news o

f thugs , or goondas as they are known , assaultTamil traders and boutique keepers in random acts of

violence .

The telephone rings very early onemorning . Suren gets out

of

bed to answer it as Rohini drifts off to sleep .Hewakes her andsays , 'TheGA says there ' s trouble in Colombo . '

138 Time and Chance

Anxiously, she sits up in bed as Suren dresses hurriedly .Breathlessly , she asks, 'What 'shappened ? Are Amma and Daddasafe ?

He says in a resigned tone, 'I don 't know .Why don 't youtry

to ring them ? I was only told that last evening someshopkeepers and some Tamil clerks who were o

n their way home

were set

upon and beaten up

and several buildings in the

Ratmalana area were set on fire . '

A frisson of anxiety and fear takes hold ofRohini as she

goes to get a cup of

tea for Suren . She feels ashamed thatSinhalese Buddhists could behave in such a violent manner .

These thugs are nominally Buddhist . Her sympathies lie with theinnocent people caught in this nasty racial argument .

She does not believe that the violence can spread to the

residential area where Suren ' s parents live . As she hands over hiscup o

f

tea , she says , “ I am sure Amma and Dadda won ' t be affected

by

these events . These damn thugs wouldn ' t dare attack houses in

Cinnamon Gardens .

As he picks up his briefcase , Suren continues to wear a

worried look . ' I don ' t know . I am not so confident theGovernmentcan handle the situation . Political considerations will come to thefore before the welfare o

f

the people . '

As he leaves the house ,he looks over his shoulder and says ,

‘See if you can phone Dadda . If I get anymore news I ' ll call you . '

After a hurried breakfast , she tries to call but is unable to

make a connection . This increases her anxiety . She calls Surenand asks him to t

ry calling his parents on his official phone . Later

in the day he tells her his parents are unaffected but there has

been widespread rioting and looting .

Soon it becomes evident that there is plotting behind the

riots and that politicians of

the Right and the Left are involved .

No doubt , they are attempting to exploit the situation for

political advantage . Curfew is declared and military rule is

imposed ,setting the pattern for the years ahead .

Time and Chance 139

In angry helplessness, Suren declares , ‘This will be the easyway out fo

r

politicians who will not make a serious attempt to

resolve the issues at

the heart of

the conflict .

Rohini responds with a heavy heart , “What else can youexpect ? The nation seems doomed to reap thewhirlwind . ?

Rohini is agitated when she reads what the editor of

the

Daily News has to say. Shocked to the core at the degree of

violence he calls it a bloodbath and declares , ' A race cannot be

held responsible for

the bestiality of

some ofits

members . '

Their days become a blur of

rushed meals and broken sleep

as

the telephone rings at odd hours with more bad news of the

worsening situation . Suren and the GA are in constant touchwith Colombo and Rohini makes frantic attempts to keep in

touch with both sets of parents .

One morning before leaving for his

office , Suren says ,

' I would feel more at ease if you and Soma would take the firstavailable flight to Colombo .

The thought of flying in the flimsy unstable plane doesnot

appeal to her and she is loath to leave Suren alone in case the

situation worsens . ' I don ' t want to leave . If we do you ,will neverhave a proper meal or look after yourself . '

‘Don ' tworry , I can stay at the Resthouse . '

But aware of

the exposure to danger that his name places

on

him , she standsher ground .

Soon , for the first time since independence , the defenceforces are employed to deal with civilunrest and tomaintain la

w

and order . In theGal Oya Valley , the army officers and soldiersattached to the army training school are placed o

n alert . Thepresence o

f Amal ' s troops in and around the township acts as a

deterrent to violence .

Suren and Rohini are

at breakfast one morning when

Arnolis hovers at the back door . Suren calls out , ‘Arnolis , come

here .What ' s the matter ? '

"Aiyo ,Hamu Mahattaya , I have just come from the bazaar .

There is trouble there . Some boutiques have been set on

fire and

people are going round threatening to kill Tamils . '

| 40 Time and Chance

Suren instructs Rohini not to leave the house . ‘Don 't goshopping today . Make a list of the things you need and I will sendsomeone out to the shops . We should get some extra supplies .Heaven knows what 's going to happen now .'

For several days the Batticaloa bazaar seethes with frenzied

hatred . The Batticaloa -Colombo train is derailed .More than 150people are killed during a brief spell of race hate. Rohini thinkswith sadness that the real victim is the racial and religious

tolerance that leavened their relationships for centuries . It isbeing sacrificed fo

r political expediency . The social overtonesfrighten her as ill feeling is directed towards government officialsand the middle class . Deep feelings of insecurity overwhelm herbut she n

o longer has the luxury of discussing her fears with

Suren , as he is away all

day and works late into the night .

Confined to the house , she moves furniture around ,

realigns and redecorates . A concerned Soma shadowsher , assisting

her . Sometimes ,Rohini sits in deep cornerswriting in her diary or

reading

One evening she sits in the small sitting room as

Bach ' s

music weaves an atmosphere of regret and apprehension about the

future . She hears a vehicle coming along the drive .Noting that it

is an armyvehicle , apprehensively she goes to the front door . As

he gets out of the jeep , Amal asks anxiously , ' I hear Suren workslate . Are you al

l

right ? Perhaps abashed athis bold statement that

expresses a deep concern , a flush that makes him seem youngerand vulnerable ,more engaging , rises to hi

s

cheek above his stiff

starched army uniform .

A wave of

affection runs through Rohini at the concernevident in his eyes . She smiles , ' I am fine . Do come in . ' And sheleads theway to the sitting room . She calls out to Soma to bring

them somerefreshments and joins Amal . “Whatworriesme is thatSuren will be attacked for

his ethnic background . '

Amal settles in his chair . Regaining his composure , he

reassures her with a touch of

confidence , 'Despite his Tamil name ,

Ihear Suren is better regarded than the stuffy old GA . He has a

Time and Chance 141

reputation for compassion in the town .He speaks both colloquialSinhalese and Tamil fluently . I think his olive complexion makesracial identification rather difficult , don 't you ?Rohini sits on the edge of her chair. She does not know

what to say. In some circumstances , their surname is beginning to

bea cause for concern . The tension is evident in her body as

Amal goes on soothingly , 'Don ' t worry , the situation has notreached crisis proportions . As yet , people don ' t think o

f

individuals in terms of

Sinhalese and Tamil . I am sure Suren ' s

name will not give the game away . 'He leaves , saying that if she needs anything , she ca

n

call

him any time at

the camp .

The atmosphere is thick with hate and fear . News of scatteredincidents throughout the island , in which thugs , driven b

y

predatory greed , run amok ,burning and looting houses and shops ,

constantly seeps through in the following days .

Premadasa and Arnolis , who venture into the bazaar for

news and supplies , return with gory tidings . 'Hamu , in the westcoast and Colombo the Sinhalese may be setting fire to Tamil

shops but in these areas the Tamils are taking the upper hand . '

Soma ,who comes in just then , is intent on filtering whatevernews reaches Rohini . She says sternly , 'What do youmean ? Don ' t go

spreading rumours unless you see something with your own eyes . '

Arnolis stands his ground . ‘Ask Hamu Mahattaya . Thereare so many stories that Tamils have attacked and killed the poor

people who live in the colonies .

A worried Rohini cautions her servants to keep thenews to

themselves and not engage in idle talk in the bazaar .

That evening , she questions Suren , who wearily admits ,

“Reports have reached us of

terrible murders of Sinhalese

colonists . Some of their pitiful huts were burnt down after they

were driven into the jungle .We have reports that they have died

of hunger or

were hunted by

wild animals . '

142 Time and Chance

Itbecomes evident that Batticaloa has been chosen as thecentre of a future Tamil state in the east by the extremists . As the

violence escalates , army units are rushed from Colombo . A duskto -dawn curfew is imposed on the whole island. TheGovernment

declares its willingness to rule the country by

wielding emergency

powers with the assistance of

the armed services for as long as it is

necessary .

TWENTY-FIVE

The country drifts in a miasma of uncertainty . Rohini'sI uneventful pregnancy advances. Suren and she have agreedthat she will go to Colombo to stay with her parents before thebirth . Soma and Rohini leave with heavy hearts .Rohini arrives home to a sort of subdued excitement in the

now diminished household .Malini hasmoved to Kegalle with herhusband , who has his practice there. Her parents, in their latefifties , seem to live a humdrum existence.Menika takes a proprietary interest in Rohini and the baby .

She insists on a daily regimen of exercise .Menika favours theVictorian habit of promenading on Galle Face Green . Rohini,accompanied by Menika , is driven there each evening to join theoverdressed high -society women with fractious children who rununderfoot , and teenagers engaged in mating rituals.

Despite the prolonged hangover of the first three months,at these last stages,Rohini revels in her pregnancy . Suren is on hisway when she feels the first twinges and enters the first stage of

labour . Accompanied by her mother and Menika , she relaxes asthey travel to the hospital . When an anxious Suren rushes in ,

after a relatively short labour with no complications , she iseuphoric , with their son in her arms .

Soon visiting friends and relatives bearing endless gifts,admiring the baby and showering Rohiniwith advice , swamp her.A flurry of excitement follows as astrologers are consulted to cast

144 Time and Chance

the newcomer'shoroscope . Home from hospital ,Menika ensconcesRohini in her bedroom and keeps intruders at bay while plying

her with traditional delicacies deemed good fora new mother .

TWENTY -SIX

The nationalistic forces that propelled both BandaranaikesI into power continue to cause a great deal of turmoil in publiclife.MrDe Silva has retreated into seclusion and, though he readsthe newspapers avidly,he seems to have lost al

linterest in active

politics . Dr Perera rarely visits after a heart attack leaves himhousebound . Rohini notices that only the baby ignites a spark of

interest in her father .

Rohini continues to take an interest in national politics .

Shanti , an old campus friend , hears about Rohini ' s baby and sheand Veena arrive one morning for their ceremonial first visit .Veena is a journalist and Shanti works as an economic adviser to a

minister .

As they sit

on the verandah MrDe Silva joins them .He

says in a light tone with a welcoming smile , ‘ The two of you must

be keeping your eyes and ears open and know all

about what is

happening . ' He continues with something like his old spirit ,

'Come on , tell us all

the news of

the world of politics .

Shanti laughs and turns to Veena , ' I ' m sure Veena knowsmore about what ' s going on than I do . I ' m usually stuck inside a

stuffy office all day poring over boring statistics . '

Veena says , “ The coalition of leftist forces intent on reform

that was formed when Bandaranaike came to power is coming apart . '

Mr De Silva reaches for

an article he

had placed on

another table . ' I have been reading this article in which a leading

146 Time and Chance

SOC.

leader of the Left, Dr N . M . Perera , recently declared , ratherbitterly , “ Democracy is notmajority rule. The sovereignty of themajority is automatically checked by those inalienable rights the

minorities have which cannot be overridden by the mere whim

and fancy of a majority .” He puts the article down and sitssilently.

Shanti says , with a hint of sadness , ‘This breed of political

leader, who combines intellectual brilliance with lucidity ofexposition ,will soon be gone .'Rohini agrees , “With their passing , the country will be

impoverished . It drives home the fact that democracy is a concept

that needs constant redefinition and exposition .'As they get up to leave , Veena asks , ‘Rohini,what about

your plans tomove to Colombo?'“We a

re pulling every possible string to get Suren back .Butyou know how he is . Like most public officials , Suren is brainwashed in the idea o

f loyalty to king and country , so he is reluctant

to do anything much to rock the boat . '

Following Rohini ' s impassioned pleas , Suren succeeds in gaining atransfer to Colombo . They find a flat in the shadow o

fa stately

Victorian house in the middle of

the city ' s salubrious residentialarea known a

s Cinnamon Gardens . It is an area of leafy streetsand lush vegetation .Most of the houses have a patina of graceand age .

The annex they rent consists of spacious living areas and

two airy bedrooms overlooking an unkempt garden at

the back of

themansion . It is sufficient for

their needs .

Aware of the temporary nature of

their residency ,Rohinisets about lining the verandah with pot plants rather thancreating a garden from the ground up .

A major English -language newspaper employs Veena asa

columnist . Suren and Rohini resume their close friendship withher ,which had languished while they were in the east .

Time and Chance 147

Veena has her ear to the ground. 'Rohini, I sometimeswonder how you feel about the communal tensions and whether ithas an impact on your relationship with Suren and his family.

I know they are all

broad -minded people butnow things seem to

be turning ugly . Even people like them might be

forced to take

sides one day soon . '

' I am quite sure that with all

ofus

this will never happen .

We are a close -knit family unit .We ' d rather leave this countrythan give u

p

our liberal ideas and our approach to friends . Theirethnicity never mattered to u

s

and never will . ' After a whileRohinisays , 'You must come round the next timeSuren ' s parentscome for dinner . I am sure youwill enjoy meeting them , especiallyhis father ,who is such a

n enlightened person . 'Suren is returning to his office one afternoon after a meeting a

t

Parliament with his minister when he

meets Ranjit on the street .

Suren takes a few seconds to recognise the bearded man who

smiles widely at

him , “Ranjit ! It ' s good to see you . Only last

evening Rohini and I wondered whether we would meet youagain now that we a

re back from the wilds .How have you been ?Where are you working ? Suren returns homethat evening with

the news of

his meeting

Ranjit comes for

dinner the next day , bearing an

ornamental silver bowlwith the baby ' s name , Alok , inscribed on

it . A beaming Suren ,delighted to be reunited with his old

friend ,

places it in a prominent place on themantelpiece in their living

room .

Rohini smothers the feeling of resentment on meeting

Ranjit again as she plays the accomplished hostess . She has a

presentiment that the recognition of their friendship mightnot be

entirely felicitous . She observes Suren ,who is clearly delighted ,

proudly showing off his son ,his home ,welcoming his friend backwith pleasure . For his sake , she decides to stifle her negative

feelings .

148 Time and Chance

Rohini sits in the shadows and observes him . There is asubtle change in him . The uninhibited laughter that used to lightup his large eyes now strikes a discordant note . In the past , despite

the intensity of some of his statements,his laughter used to disarmRohini. Now , after a fe

w

drinks , the laughter appears forced ,

never reaching his eyes . Rohini does not like the beard thatcovers his once open face . The new wariness that flits across it

discomforts Rohini .

TWENTY -SEVEN

The rhythms of their lives change when Rohini decides toI resumeher teaching career , but she soon discovers that shedoes not gain any enjoyment from her employment . Herexpectations of some fulfilment in engaging with young minds a

re

soon dashed . Learning by

rote is institutionalised . Her efforts to

break the mould are looked upon with displeasure by

the

authorities that manage the school as well as by parents spurred

on by intensely competitive examinations ,which their children

are subject to to gain entry to higher studies . She feels defeated

and spent . Teachers are

treated with respect and are still called

‘Miss ' , as in her schooldays . This she finds cloying and faintlydisagreeable a

s she valiantly tries to establish some rapport with

her charges , so close in age to herself .

The proximity of

their home to the Ramasamy home in

Turret Road , the growing attachment between the generations ,

increases congress between the two families . The baby is

deposited , accompanied by

his ayah , in the Ramasamy homewhen Rohini leaves fo

r

school in themorning and picked up

on

her way back in the afternoon .

Rohini ' s relationship with hermother - in - law has mellowed

by

the joint interest in her son . Infrequent disagreement aboutthe baby ' s care sometimes threatens the delicate balance . Rohinimakes a supreme effort to prevent such situations spilling into

estrangement . She savours her renewed close relations with herfather - in - law , on whose advice she resumed her career .

150 Time and Chance

A new balance of forces is taking over the country in the

aftermath of the Bandaranaikes ' rise to power. Sinhalese andBuddhist predominance and a decline in the status of the ethnic

and religious minorities become key features of the Sri Lankapolity .

Suren and Rohini's daily existence takes on predictablecontours . Work absorbs daylight hours . Rohini settles into thehumdrum existence of teaching in a private girls ' school andSuren is involved in bureaucratic tangles. Initially , theirsocialising is confined to weekend gatherings of a small coterie ,

which includes varsity friends Ranjit and Veena . Gradually , they

are drawn into the Colombo cocktail circuit, which Rohinidespises . She feels helpless to voice her dissent as these gatheringsacquire significance for Suren 's official preoccupations .

Suren and Rohini are agitated when Veena arrives one

night for dinner with the news that the Government is going to

pass legislation taking overmost of the key private schools in

Colombo and the main provincial cities . As products of these

schools ,which imbued in them a strong loyalty to their respective

schools , their teachers and their schoolmates , they have a vestedinterest in their continuing existence .

Rohini scans her friend ' s face with some concern . Thesedays Veena seems weary — o

ris it worry about the future of the

country ? Veena declares with the acute perception of

an

investigative journalist , “There is a hidden agenda in this

particular policy .No doubt the impetus has come from the newnationalist forces who are emerging into prominence under this

regime .

She is soon proved right . State control and secularisation

of

education dissipates the influence of

the Christian missionary

schools , the basis of Christian privilege in modern Ceylon . Thereare religious overtones to the formulation of

this policy . It receivesovert support from the nationalist forces as it could undermine

the Colombo elite as well . The rocky road to socialism has begun

in the context ofa failing economy , a foreign exchange crisis and

Time and Chance 151

a rising population . In the background , an insidious change istaking place. While the Government struggles to maintain arange of welfare services, a disquieting social change — thegrowth of the educated unemployed — is growing apace .

The late 1960s are a period of material consolidation for thefamily . Suren and Rohini now have a daughter , Vinodhi, andmore possessions . They live in a spacious two -storey house on thefringe of Cinnamon Gardens as they now have the means ofservicing a housing loan with ease . But material comforts alonecannot guarantee that elusive quality that humans constantly

seek : happiness . They belong to the generation nurtured , raisedand shaped by the forces ofmaterialism .Conscious of this, a veinof deep dissatisfaction and confusion runs through Rohini , whoseems trapped in this vacuous existence .

TWENTY-EIGHT

"heir household is expanding , the daily routine is moreintense and Rohini feels more than ever that there is no

escape from this way of life . Itsmeaninglessness depresses her .

She does not feel the urge to confide her thoughts to herdiary . She thinks , with dismay , that the entries in her diary a

re

simple accounts of daily events rather than reflective insights into

her life and work . Ismy life

such an

arid wasteland ?

She continues to muse : I only know that I have becomedisillusioned and thatmy early enthusiasm for teaching has been rapidly

blighted . Perhaps my life is too

crowded . Suren and I have become astaid married couple drifting apart emotionally , though maintaining a

social togetherness and the pretence ofa happy marriage . She is self

obsessed ,regretful . It is no way to live .

Election fever is in the air . One night Suren and Rohini sit

at

dinner after putting the children to bed . Suren makes an attempt

to draw Rohini into a discussion about politics . ' I don ' t think MrsBandaranaike has the capacity to hold the leftist forces she is

leading together . '

'Can you remember the euphoria in the country when a

broad coalition came into power ? '

Suren continues to chew his

food in a contemplative

mood . Rohini ' s mind drifts to her campus days . She feels once

Time and Chance 153

SS

again the frustration of being sidelined , the lack of opportunity tocontribute to the future of her country .As they linger over dessert , Suren remarks , 'Those young

hotheads who voted for

this government are beginning to feel

dissatisfied with the pace of

change .

'Why do you say that ?Have you heard anything ?

‘Nothing in particular . But it stands to reason that high

unemployment , rising prices and scarcities of essential items are

not a good sign . People have started talking about an ultra -leftorganisation called the Janatha Vimukthi Peramuna , the JVP . :

A frisson of

fear goes through Rohini .

It soon becomes apparent that Ranjit ' s sympathies lie withthis new group ,which makes it

s presence felt by

holding public

meetings all

over the country . It is evident by

his demeanour ,

his careless dress and his excessive facial hair , which seem to be

the trademarks of

the members of

the JVP . Suren is somewhatappalled when Rohini declares that she shares Ranjit ' s

sentiments . He knows her forthrightness could lead to a public

declaration of support . He is conscious of the fact that in her

presentmood itwould be

in some ways an act of

defiance .

Perhaps Rohini subconsciously hopes that she will be able

to get close to Suren by

revisiting their youthful passions . Onenight after dinner , he says , a sombre expression o

n his face ,

'Whatever my gut feelings about this group ,whom I must admit

I empathise with , in my position I have to be careful . ' Rohinilooks at him . She remains silent . Perhaps he knows more than he

lets on .He goes on sternly , ' I hope you don ' t talk too openly aboutyour feelings . You had better be more careful than usual . There is

something brewing in this country .

Feeling apprehensive but unwilling to confront him ,

Rohini searches his face from time to time .Worry lines crease hisface , but nothing else is revealed , though Rohini is sure he hasmore information . Angrily , she thinks , despite his earlierreflection , that heappears quite complacent and satisfied with his

lotin life . Resentment , a feeling of

frustration , seethes below thesurface . It kills Rohini ' s idealistic flights of fancy .

154 Time and Chance

In the coming days, frenetic news bulletins come over thewireless. Breathless announcers speak of the spread of violence , ofbank raids , of sporadic attacks in isolated villages . An atmosphere

of ill will , innuendo , and distrust of familiar people casts a pallover the city . Soma tells Rohini one afternoon , 'Hamu , al

l

the

servants in the neighbourhood are saying that the JVP is going to

take over the country .Rohini instructs her servants to keep to themselves and not

engage in gossip .

She decides to confront Suren and demand a clear picture

ofthe situation .He arrives home in the steamy Aprilheat looking

dispirited . Rohini can ' t bring herself to question him . He plonkshimself o

n

a chair and declares in a resigned tone , ' There is going

to be real trouble this time . The country is being taken over by

a shady communist organisation that has been hatching a

conspiracy formonths .

Rohini cannot help responding with spirit , “ I told you therewas going to b

ean uprising . The days when a feudal regime could

trample a weak populace are gone .

Why don ' t you ring Ranjit ? I ' m sure hewill have firsthandnews . ' She does not voice her suspicion that he is more thaninvolved in a

llof

this .

After a while , Suren says in fervent tones , with genuine

concern forRanjit ' swelfare , ' Ihope he is all

right . Iheard that theGovernment is going to come down hard o

n the rebels . 'He tries

to ring Ranjit , but he seems to have vanished .

That night they have dinner with Suren ' s parents .Mr Ramasamygreets them a

t the door . 'How are you ? Theymust be keeping you

busy at work , Suren . '

Mrs Ramasamy comes in , a look of concern on her face .

' I am glad you both could make it . The situation in the countryseems to b

e deteriorating and Dadda is getting anxious . Suren , we

hope you can tell us a bitmore than what comes over the radio . '

Time and Chance 155

ren

MrRamasamy pours drinks and hands them around . ‘Greedand corruption go hand in hand . There is too much corruption inhigh places and suffering among ordinary people . These idealistichotheads are not going to tolerate the situation for too long.'

Suren says reflectively , 'Dadda, do you remember the olddays when we travelled in remote areas ? I used to marvel how theold ways , the o

ld patterns of

life still survived . I can ' t believe thesepeople would b

e

attracted to the JVP . '

Rohini adds with enthusiasm , 'Every school holiday weused to g

o

into the interior or the Dry Zone areas where thevillagers were so welcoming and hospitable . I am sure freeeducation has spread fa

r

and wide and people are no longer

willing to accept their lot in a stoic fashion . 'MrRamasamy says in a serious tone , ‘That is all well and

good .What I fear is that , if you look close enough , the age -oldculture and heritage is fraying a

t

the edges now . That can only

mean trouble . '

Mrs Ramasamy presses Suren for

more information ,

prodding him gently , 'Surely ,you can letusin on your office gossip ! '

Rohini adds her voice .

In turn , Suren attempts levity , ‘There is a lot

of

talk

that arevolutionary group is seeking assistance from China to overthrowthe Government . When his mother looks apprehensive , hecontinues , 'Don ' t get too excited . It ' s only gossip . '

The JVP brazenly declares that it has no faith in the existing

regime , which will have to be

overthrown if a genuinely socialistgovernment is to b

e

achieved . The insurrection that follows in

April 1971 is considered the biggest revolt of youth anywhere in

the world and the first instance of inter -generational tension

turning into military conflict . The country is brought to a

standstill . Colombo does not suffer major disruption ; thebattleground is in the provinces . The transport of fresh vegetablesand fruit from the hills is disrupted for a few days . Gradually , themarket returns to normal as theGovernment regains control .

156 Time and Chance

In the early days after the insurrection is brutally stamped

out, it becomes evident that there is a well -developed underground

movement, an ideology that is firing the imagination of theeducated frustrated youth and inspiring leaders , who galvanisethem to action .

In a few

weeks an uneasy peace settles over the city . Suren andRohini are athome one evening when Ranjit turns u

p , sullen anddowncast . He is dressed in rumpled though clean clothes ,his feet

in dusty sandals . Despite her customary misgivings , Rohini is

filled with pity at his dishevelled appearance , his hangdog look .

She tries to engage him in conversation . “Ranjit , how are you ? Heremains stony -faced and looks a

t

his feet . Undaunted , sheattempts to empathise a

s he

sits down on the edge ofa chair .

Rohini goes on , ' Isn ' t it disappointing that the

Government

did not engage in some sort of dialogue with these disgruntled

people beforehand ? I think the way they subdued them was a bitdisgusting . '

“Hmm . ' A brief nod and a searching look is his onlyresponse , as though h

eis trying to decipher Rohini ' s newfound

concern .

Nonplussed , Suren scansRanjit ' s features carefully , perplexed

by

his unusual silence .Rohini becomes increasingly uncomfortable

and gets up

from her seat ,mumbling , I ' d better see to dinner . '

While shehesitates at the doorway ,Ranjit suddenly looks up .

Ranjit ' s face has

acquired wary contours and she feels an

immense gulf between them . He says wearily , in low tones , ' I ' m

sorry , Rohini . I ' m very tired . I do agree with you . Violence of any

sort from either side is not something I willingly condone . ' Nowthat he

has broken the ice ,he goes on in definite tones , 'You can

be

sure this is not the end of

the story . There is too

much suffering

in this country and I have no faith that democratic means willlead to a solution . '

Time and Chance 157

There is silence in the room . Suren gets up to refresh thedrinks . There is disappointment written on his face , but Ranjitgives little away.He seems weary and unwilling to say too much .Suren leads theway to the dining room and they eat theirmeal in

silence.

The Government successfully puts down the insurrection ; itwasnot a popular uprising against a common enemy , so neither theurban working class nor the rural peasants fully supported it.Withgrowing concern , the Ramasamy family watch from the sidelinesas a series of radical economic and social changes are se

t

in train

by

the socialist government in an effort to appease the

discontented elements in society . The army and police , whoplayed a key role in quelling the rebellion , come to enjoy the

confidence of

theGovernment in safeguarding the security of

the

State .

Soon Ranjit resumes his frequent visits . Suren is constantly

reminded by

Rohini to be careful , as she is sure that Ranjit isclosely affiliated with the sinister JVP . There is a new confidencewith which Ranjit makes definitive statements . Suren falls intothe habit of picking u

p Ranjit once or

twice a week on his way

home from work . Rohini takes it for

granted that he will join

them for

dinner .

Ranjit keeps pointing out to them that the history of

modern politics in Third World nations is the story of

revolutionary movements . “The failure of newly independentstates to resolve their social and economic problems make

revolutions widespread and persistent . ' They do not gainsay him .

So he goes on , 'You may be sceptical of the success of thesemovements and indeed the Government has been successful in

weakening the position of

the

JVP , but wait and see. The JVPwill

rise again and again , unless of course the State pursues policies of

158 Time and Chance

vigilance combined with enlightened social and economic

reforms. His statements these days sound like the threat ofsomeone who is closely involved with this organisation , which iswidely feared .He declares with confidence , ‘The JVP still has thevital components of any revolutionary effort : ideas, organisation ,methods and leadership .'

Suren and Rohiniwonder in private about the

passion with

which Ranjit speaks about the revolutionaries , but Suren says ,

Wehave no right to delve deep . 'Ranjit ' s statements are full of

portent but any attempt to ask

for

more information makes him

close the shutters . An uneasy peace settles between them as he

continues to visit and have meals with them .

Ranjit was closely involved in the development ofa 10

year blueprint called the Ceylon Tourism Plan ,which was drawn

up bya foreign firm of hotel and travel consultants . Despite his

misgivings , he had gone along with it , as his Director remindedhim that it is standard practice fo

r

Third World countries to

utilise foreign experts in commissioning a tourism plan .This becomes themain topic o

f conversation at the dinner

table . One evening Ranjit rails at the director ' s shortsightedness :

'How can

these foreigners have an understanding of

our values ?We are becoming hostages to the World Bank . They only want to

foster the development of

tourism asa source of

income and don ' t

consider whether itmight be beneficial to the people in general . '

TWENTY -NINE

ne evening Rohini and Suren are sipping cocktails on thehuge floodlit lawn of the American embassy . It had been a

particularly trying day and Rohiniwishes she were elsewhere .There is a coolness and disconnectedness between her and Suren

as she joins the familiar faces gathered together in knots of inane

chatter.

A well-padded matron swishes around in glittering silk , longflashy earrings setting off an elaborate hair-do , greeting kindredspirits. ‘My,Rohini you do look tired ! Are you still teaching in thatgovernment school ?Now where is it ? With arched eyebrows andleering scorn she takes in Rohini 's ivory cotton sari with a paisleydesign and unglamorous antique jewellery .Rohini smiles vaguely and sips her drink silently . A woman

with a vacant look on her painted face says in sullen tones , ‘AmI glad I don 't have to work ?My social life is so hectic that I willnever have any time if I am forced to work as well.'

Another woman starts whining , ' I don 't know how you canentertain these days.MyGod ! Have you noticed how difficult it isto find any imported canned stuff? Even the price of gold is rising .I don 't know what this government is doing.'‘Shush ! You better be careful. Someone may be listening .'

They glance furtively at the dark , brooding ,Mao -suited , beardedmen who stand silently about the lawn drinking Bourbon in

highball glasses .

160 Time and Chance

The anti -communist rage had reached hysterical proportions

in America .No one called it an ideological war,but it was a huntfor subversive people and ideas . The world was implacablydivided . Rohini and Suren pick up its overtones in the cocktailcircuit , in the conversations o

f

otherwise genial Americanexpatriates who seem intent o

n destroying the credibility of

any ideas associated with socialism and communism . Moralrearmament is in the ai

r , feeding on Cold War paranoia .

They have a first hand account of

the movement one

evening ata social gathering . An acquaintance from their campus

days , Asoka Jayaweera , is a decent , self -effacing man for

whom

Rohini has some regard . He is softly spoken and somewhatsubdued in company but , every now and then , there would be

flashes of

his brilliant mind and dry wit . They do notmove in the

same circles but whenever they do meet both Suren and Rohinireact warmly to him .

Rohini gives him her undivided attention when he

tells

them that he

has just returned from a Moral Rearmament

conference in America . His sombre face lights up .He recounts his

experiences of

the six

weeks when he

rubbed shoulders with the

wealthy elite of Europe , England and America . Initially , they

listen enthralled , but Suren soon wanders off

when he

spies

another acquaintance .

Fascinated by

his account , Rohini questions Asoka keenly ,

'What exactly is this movement ? Itmust be something wonderful

to attract the attention of

these elite people . '

He says , ' It is a quasi -religious , ideological movement thatopposes Communism b

y

adherence to honesty , unselfishness andpurity . The latter bit is a direct quote , ' he laughs . Sensing Rohini ' s

interest , he continues , ' It has attracted a small but impressive andinfluential group of adherents from the upper echelons of society .

I found it attractive , but their saint - like commitment was quitebizarre and a little intimidating . '

He is dismissive of

the religious overtones and the

juxtaposition of

piety and anti -communist feeling among them .

Time and Chance 161

Rohini remembers their youthful ardour at campus and recalls

Asoka 's intense concentration during the classes on Communism .A smile drifts across his face as he goes on , 'It was hilarious

how some in our group exploited these feelings . One morningduring the daily session of communion with God, those in ourgroup who were fe

d

up

with the daily ritual and the strict routines

declared that God instructed them to go

to Paris . Next day they

were given air tickets to do just that . Its incredible how naive

these people were . '

Rohini joins him in hearty laughter and shares his

appreciation of their countrymen ' s ingenuity .

es

ney

A few

months laterRohini is saddened by

the news that Asoka

has begun drinking heavily . He neglects his young family andtheir circle o

f

friends is now reluctant to invite him for drinks .

'On campus we all

knew that Asoka enjoyed a drink or

two , but now he

seems to be becoming an alcoholic , ' declares

Ranjit when they meet him at cocktails at the British High

Commission . He walks away when he spies a leftist friendhovering uncertainly o

n the margins of

the throng .

Asoka drifts towards them with a doleful look on his face

and a large whisky in his hand . After what seems to be a long ,

bleak silence he

says , 'What ' s the use ofmaking merry ? Here we

are ,meticulously planning a future for

ourselves and our children

when the world could end overnight with one nuclear bomb . '

'Come on , Asoka . Aren ' t you going a bit overboard ? ' In softtones , Suren tries to change the direction of the conversation , butAsoka will have none of it . The post -war world , post -Holocaust ,

post -Hiroshima and Nagasaki is an existential landscape that is

bleak and terrifying to some people .

At

times , Rohini feels that she is infected by

Asoka ' s

gloomy predilections and her interest in attending these

meaningless evening junkets ebbs and flows . At times , a sense of

impotence seems to deepen . Sometimes she decides , quite

162 Time and Chance

unfairly , that the people they meet are self-promoting andshallow . But she has to maintain decorum as Suren 's wife . She isconstantly reminded of her social obligations whenever she triesgiving an excuse fo

r

not attending a dinner or cocktail party . So

she continues to participate in these arcane social rituals .

Ranjit is nominally a public servant . But at the beginning of theirreacquaintance h

e rarely discusses his workplace or aspirations .

He seems more interested in the politics of the day and retains hisradical outlook , while both Suren and Rohini have lost theiryouthful passion fo

r

left -wing ideals . They are content with themarginally socialist government that does not impact on their

comfortable middle -class existence . Ranjit had been excitedwhen , in 1959 , Sri Lanka became one of the first countries in theworld to lower it

s voting age to 18 . It is only in the general

election of

1965 , however , that 18 -year -olds actually cast their

ballots .“ I have just been appointed the Assistant Director of the

Ceylon Tourist Board , ' announces a jubilant Ranjit as he arrives

for

dinner one evening . Hedeclares that this is a job he was going

to find fulfilling , as the Minister of State had declared that theprimary objective o

f

tourism ‘ is to encourage understanding ,

tolerance and goodwill amongst people . ' To Rohini it all

sounds

like long -winded rhetoric , hollow and meaningless in the currentpolitical climate .

ButRanjit believes in the trickle -down effect and that the

enhanced income from tourism will benefit poor people living in

the remote holiday destinations outside Colombo . Before long ,

tension develops between Ranjit and the Director ,who starts a

systematic propaganda campaign to teach hospitality to the

people — a people with an in -built sense of hospitality .

This is the first breach of Ranjit ' s idealistic principles andhis naive belief that tourism could b

e built on the basis of

traditional hospitality . Suren , the realist , cautions Ranjit to go

Time and Chance 163

easy on his boss and be patient . Increasingly , compromise is themeans to survival in the emerging cutthroat world .

Ceylon apes most socialist countries in formulating and

implementing five -year plans to rejuvenate the economy . In late1971 , after the insurrection , stringent austerity measures fo

r

the

rich are included in the five -year plan . Suren is preoccupied with

the foreign exchange crisis , severe inflationary pressures andshortages o

f

food . The economic outlook is dismal and people in

their circles feel its impact . Dinner party conversations focus on

shortages and the generaldecline in the quality of

life .

Society becomes more tense , competitive and ruthless .

Perfectly willing to cope with food scarcities as the days pass ,

Rohini is infected by

the social changes , the change in the

atmosphere . Atnight in bed she attempts to speak to Suren about

her sense of disquiet , her feelings of uneasiness , but he appears

physically drained after a hard day .

Rohini now enjoys a convivial relationship with her

mother - in -law , a sense of family solidarity which she treasures .Frequent sharing of scarce food items and meals in each other ' shomes a

re now a regular feature in their daily lives . Rohini is

depressed asa sense of being part ofa community loses most ofits

force . It becomes apparent that the traditional view ofmorality

has undergone a radical change in the past few

years .Materialism

is fast becoming the only appropriate basis fora value system . The

country asa whole is shifting away from ideas such as mutual

obligation and shared values .

Suren and Rohini look forward to dinner at his parents '

place the next evening . Earlier in the day Rohini had read aboutthe constitutional reforms that had created a model of

government , a unicameral republican structure that is nowproving authoritarian with a powerful executive . When shebroached the subject with Suren , he had said , 'Let ' s talk to Dadda

about it . '

164 Time and Chance

They decide to leave the children at home with the

servants . On the drive to Turret Road , Suren says, 'In a way, I'mglad Dadda is almost outside the political scene just now . The

changes that are taking place would have really hurt him if he was

in the thick ofit . '

Not only Dadda , but no person of integrity can survive in

the current atmosphere . I am glad thatmy father is out of it as

well . '

Rohini is comforted as they enter the Ramasamy homeandshe is drawn into the cosiness o

f

the sitting room where Suren ' s

parents sit reading in companionable silence . John , the old

retainer , smiles a welcome as he brings in a tray of

nibbles and

clean glasses .

Suren asks , ‘Dadda , what do you think of

the new

constitution ? Rohini has been nagging me these past few

days

after she read a lot

about it . '

MrRamasamy hands drinks around before settling down in

his armchair . ' I share her concern . Unlike you , Ihave the timenow to study these developments . You know , public integrity hasbeen discounted and there are n

omeaningful institutional checks

on the exercise of

the Government ' s powers . '

He continues in a serious tone , ' I ' m really concerned thatthe emergency powers invoked to deal with the insurgency have

been retained . This confers extraordinary powers on

the

Government . Worst of all , the courts are denied the power or

jurisdiction to pronounce on

the validity of

the laws enacted by

the

National State Assembly .

Mrs Ramasamy says , ' I don ' t know what this country is

coming to . I don ' tmind tightening our belts if some good comes

of it , but if they are going to destroy our way of life that ' s

something else altogether . '

THIRTY

D ohini enjoys shopping at the wayside stalls in the centralIlmarketplace where , accompanied by Soma, she buys freshfish , fruits and vegetables on a Saturday morning . They knowmost of the stall -keepers , who allow them to select the best

produce and cheerfully assist them while they keep up their

customary chatter about the weather or the state of politics .Even in this area ofRohini's life , an imperceptible change

takes place . As the transport prices rise steeply and goods becomescarce , the stall -keepers 'margin of profit decreases . Their tenuoushold on life is affected and their mood takes on dark overtones .One steamymorning, Rohini and Soma walk on the pavement

cluttered with makeshift stalls . The ambience has changed . There

are no cheery cries of hawkers attempting to lure them with

special prices . As they reach their favourite stall , Soma andRohini are shocked when they attempt to select the best fruitsand vegetables on offer and they elicit a rudely dismissive remark

from their erstwhile friends.‘Don 't touch any of that fruit . Tell me what you want and

I will get

it for

you . '

Rohinirecoils from the rude command . They have stoppedcalling her 'Hamu ' or even the lesser “Nona ' . The veneer of

familiarity , of friendliness , that had existed between them hasdisappeared . On theway back to the ca

r ,Soma is angry , 'How darethey speak to you like that , Hamu . '

166 Time and Chance

Rohini feels hurt and helpless , but realises that they haveto sell a

ll

their wares — bruised and overripe fruit and all— in

order to survive . 'Soma , you have to understand that their lives

are much harder than we can imagine . I can easily forgive thesepoor people .

She reflects sadly that there is little she can do to

ameliorate the situation . Any offer of charity would be

refused as

it would offend their dignity and encroach on their self -respect .

Feeling helpless , she learns to limit her communication withthese people to the bare minimum . She feels her very humanity is

being affected and diminished .

5°18 .

Ranjit arrives one evening quite distressed by

all these changes .

‘ There is nothing now to prevent themisuse of power for political

purposes . You mark my words , what is going to happen now is

that the Government will not hesitate to use the machinery of

state and administrative regulations to intimidate its political

opponents .

Rohini wonders about the state of his loyalties and is

apprehensive of being open with him these days ,when the political

situation in the country ismurky at the best of times .She ishesitant

about engaging in political discussions with him and resorts to bland

innocuous statements to keep the conversation going .

Suren , however , readily agrees , 'You are right . Only thismorning I heard that Sunil de Silva ' s row o

f shops in the Fort has

been taken over by

the Government on the grounds that theGovernment arts and crafts retail outlet needed expansion to deal

with the influx of

tourists . '

Ranjit snorts , 'What tourists !We know what that means .

It ' s a well -known fact that Sunil is a key supporter of the UNPand he

uses one of the shopfronts for propaganda purposes . '

Worse is to come . Veena now works as a journalist for

the

main newspaper group in the island , the Associated Newspapers

of Ceylon . The English -language newspapers , steeped in the

Time and Chance

liberal values of a civil society , are never backward in beingcritical of any political action aimed at undermining these values .

A thoroughly distressed Veena rings one Saturday

morning. 'Rohini! Do you know what 's going to happen nextweek ? This damned government will present legislation to

convert our newspaper group into a government -controlled press .The rest of the newspapers will fall like dominoes .‘MyGod ,what dreadful news!What's the use of democracy

if there is no freedom of the press ? She goes downstairs and finds

Suren in his study . She gives him the news and says , 'Poor Veena

is very upset . I sense a great deal of desperation in her .Let ' s inviteher for lunch next Sunday . '

Rohini has a feeling of unease as she reflects on her

friendship . Veena ,who has notmarried , is a free spirit , vivacious ,

good looking , who shares their civil aspirations and liberal values .

Drastic measures to establish government influence over

the media are being employed by

an increasingly authoritarian

government intent on subjugating the people . By

the weekend ,

emergency legislation is used to silence the main critic of

the

Government , the Independent Newspapers group . The result isthat this group will remain closed for a period o

f

three years .Broadcasting is entirely under government control and soonexpression o

f critical opinion and dissent becomes limited to party

newspapers and news -sheets .

That Sunday , Veena says in amuted tone , ' I am going tomiss youall , this home and your company . ' A sad expression clouds hervivacious face and Rohini senses that she is close to tears . Surenlooks a

t

her ,his brow creased with worry . She swallows hard andgoes o

n , ' I have decided to go

to London . Ever since all

this

happened I ' ve been feeling uneasy and I ' ve been talking to a

friend of mine in Fleet Street . He thinks I can get

an opening

with theGuardian .

Rohini ' s spirits sink with apprehension , a deep sense of lossand separation . She is speechless , feeling bereft .

168 Time and Chance

The silence is broken when the children come rushing in

demanding that Auntie Veena discuss some situation in one of

the new books she has given them . Rohini barely hears a wordthey say. There is a hollow feeling in the p

it

of

her stomach . She is

close to tears . She gets up and says lamely , I ' d better get lunch

on the table . '

Rohini stumbles through lunch and the motions of

ordinary conversation , scrupulously avoiding any mention of

Veena ' s impending departure in the presence of

the children .

After Veena ' s departure , Rohinirushes upstairs and lies in bed in

tears .

Veena is in the throes of

final arrangements for

her departure to

England when a former Prime Minister , Dudley Senanayake ,

passes away . Veena ,who is trying hard tominimise the

emotion of

the impending farewell , rings Rohini now and then with newsitems o

f general interest . Now she rings to say

that the press is

quite shocked about the reaction of

the general populace to

Senanayake ' s death . ' I can ' t understand this outpouring of grief for

a colourless politician who practically sat on his hands .

Rohini responds dispiritedly , ‘Perhaps his essential decency

has struck a chord with the people who are now getting used to

corrupt power -hungry politicians . '

The state funeral brings hordes of people into the streets .

Shrewd political observers interpret the unprecedented scenes of

grief and mourning as

an expressive demonstration against the

authoritarian government bya politically sophisticated people

stripped of all

avenues of articulation of

their feelings over the

problems they face .MrRamasamy and Suren share this view .

While they are at dinner , Suren reveals further news .

'Though the depth of feeling of the populace and the increasingsupport for

the opposition shakes the Government , they havenow decided to clamp down o

n

the one channel available for

the

expression of public dissent — public meetings . '

Time and Chance 169

This adds to Rohini's state of despondency. More andmorethese days her sleep is interrupted . The finely etched nightthoughts end in turbulent black and white dreams. She wakes upin amelancholic fog , a portent ofworse things to come.

Despite a degree of political sophistication , the general populace

is swayed easily by emotion and there is a surge of support for

the

opposition UNP after Senanayake ' s death . The imposition of

restrictions on political action available to the opposition and the

use of

the resources of

the State to organise rallies of government

supporters or

even rent - a -crowds sets the scene for the flagrant

misuse of

state power .

Increasingly , Rohini ' s interest in politics wanes . A feeling

of helplessness , a certain lethargic disinterest , keeps her silent

during Ranjit ' s erratic visits . The pall of despondency afterVeena ' s departure heightens with the erosion o

fliberal political

values . The keenness and idealism of youth has been snuffed out

by

the realities of

life .Mostly , she keeps her dismal thoughts to

herself . She senses empathy in Suren , but there is never time andspace in their busy lives for relaxed discussions .

Ranjit arrives for dinner one evening with the news that

his boss has joined the ministry . At his boss ' s farewell party , he

had publicly hinted that the minister was not in favour of

appointing Ranjit as his replacement . Suren promptly expresseshis concern and disappointment . Rohini remarks , 'What can youexpect these days ? There is n

o

sense of

fair play anymore . '

Feeling encouraged by

their support , Ranjit gives vent to

his feelings : 'See what a dire state this country is in . I neverthought that this country , steeped in liberal political traditions ,

would stoop so low as

to institutionalise discrimination on

political grounds . 'He says , 'Suren , Ineed a stiff drink . '

Ranjit gulps his drink and goes on , ' I have always beenaware o

f

the preferential treatment meted out to supporters of

the

Government in recruitment and promotion . But my faith had

170 Time and Chance

been somewhat restored when I got this job despite my wellknown leftist leanings, and I have been told many a time thatIwas doing a good job .'He sits with his head in his hands .

After his tirade , Rohini feels the ground underneath herfeet heave in confusion . She thinks, we are in the same boat asRanjit .How do we fit in ,what is our role in th

is

new world ? How can

we survive ?

She is soon jolted by

Suren ' s remarks . 'Ranjit , I ' ve beenthinking about our situation a

s individuals and as a family .When

I joined the civil service it was still the British colonial type of

administration and the basic idea ofan impartial civil service

prevailed . I have been observing the steady erosion of

this

principle and I don ' t know how long I can tolerate the overtpoliticisation o

f the public service . '

The presentiment of

change , a degree of hope , rouses

Rohini .

Suren goes on , ' I feel that Rohini is not getting much

fulfilment out of teaching ,what with the educational reforms and

the denigration of

English asamedium of

instruction . I also fearthat the children will not have much o

fa future here . People like

us , who are apolitical , run the risk of becoming second -class

citizens in our own country . '

She is pleased to realise that Suren has been thinking along

these lines . But why hasn ' t he spoken about this to her ? Therealisation o

f the lack of

communication , the emotional impassebetween them , jolts her . She feels le

t

down . In earlier times , theywould have discussed this among themselves before broaching the

subjectwith Ranjit .

' So what are you going to do about it ? ' asksRanjit .Withoutwaiting fo

ra reply , he goes on , ' I am at least doing something to

change the world . Ominously , he continues , ‘Right now , I am

only marking time . As I have been telling you both over the years ,

wehave to wipe this system out . It has to be a radical uprooting .

Unlike you , Idon ' t intend to run away . Iwill stay and fight for thegood o

f

all

the downtrodden people . '

Time and Chance 171

Suren counters, ‘Revolution is all well and good if there issome guarantee of success . I don 't like power-seeking utopians ofany colour . True liberals, true democrats , should never makecommon cause with them .

By now angry and resentful, Rohini says , 'Revolutionariesand utopians are no better than the elites they seek to replace .You wait and see, as in Russia , theirs will be the will of abureaucraticminority from above a

llover again .Despite what I used to believe

uncritically in the

old days , I am convinced now a socialist state

willmean an authoritarian state . '

Suren looks at her quizzically . Then , as always , he tries to

placate Ranjit . So he says , ' You are single and free to take up

a

cause .We have to be

careful . We have family considerations andwe can ' t indulge ourselves or our individual desires .

Rohini thinks that sounds fair enough . It is an end to the

matter . She decides , I must not let my disquiet , this terrible

apprehension that gripsme , colour my relationships , especially withSuren .

For some people , the preferred strategy for

dealing withuncertainty is clear : disengage . Rohini decides that her relations

with Suren will be focused on themundane . It is the coward ' sway

out . She will be on safe ground if she turns her focus inwards . Shewill shift her gaze to something closer , more local , and moresuperficially personal . If I can ' t control educated unemployment , or

the ethnic problems , I can control where my children are educated ,

what friendswemove around with ,where wego

for

the

next holidays .

She forces herself to remain calm . Soon Ranjit ' s occasionalremarks convince them both that h

e

has not given up

his

affiliation with the JVP .

Rohini becomes increasingly despondent with their social

commitments , the never -ending rounds of cocktail parties andlavish dinners . The lack of real intimacy , despite their passion foreach other , lies like an invisible barrier between Suren and her as

they go through the motions of living .

THIRTY-ONE

ne afternoon , refreshed after a siesta and a cool shower,

Rohini sits on her favourite chair reading the The Times. Sheis horrified by the front -page news ,which declares the demise ofthe secular state with the statement that “ The Republic of S

ri

Lanka shall give Buddhism the foremost place and accordingly it

shall be

the duty of

the state to protect and foster Buddhism . ' Shereads that the Christian minority , conscious of public opinion andwide support for this clause , do not oppose it . She turns the page

and reads an article that claims that the

Sinhalese deem

themselves to be the major minority group , hemmed in by

the

millions of

Tamils north as

far

as

Tamil Nadu in south India .

She thinks language rights and now religion will causefriction between the Tamils and Sinhalese . She must b

e careful

that this never affects their family dynamics . It is up to her to

balance their relationships . Her old affection and concern for

Suren surfaces as she reflects on

these matters .

Later , a brief telephone conversation with Suren ' s fatherdestabilises her . Mr Ramasamy , who usually accepts mostconstitutional changes with equanimity , is dismayed a

she realisesthe ramifications of

the new arrangements .

Suren drives them over to his parent ' s home for dinner . MrRamasamy seems preoccupied . As Suren and Rohini settle down

Time and Chance 173

in the sitting room he pours them drinks in a sombre fashion ,

which makes Suren ask him whether heis keeping well .

With a sinking heart ,Rohini thinks that he seems greyerthan usual and fo

r

the first time she noticeshis age . In his usualmeasured tones , he answers , ' I am al

l

right , but I hope you peoplerealise what is happening in this country . It ' s bad enough that thepoliticisation o

f the public service has been extended to thejudiciary . I ' m sure worse is to come . They remain quiet , notknowing how to respond without upsetting him further .

After pouring drinks , he goes on , 'What the Governmenthas done b

y recognising Sinhalese as

the state language is to

accord an inferior position to the Tamil language . Along with this ,

the special status accorded to Buddhism is a clear act of

discrimination . I fear there will be dire ramifications of this breach

in the division between Church and State that had existed so far. '

Rohini catches Suren ' s eye . Shenodsher head slightly with

a meaningful look . There is tacit agreement between them thatthey should not sa

y

too much to upset his father .

After dinner , as they are having dessert , Mr Ramasamysays , ' I have to appear in the Jaffna Court o

n behalf ofa

longstanding client , and will be going there next week . I hope tomeet Bala , who usually keeps his ear to the ground and shouldknow what ' s going o

n and how the key people intend to respond

to these changes . I am not very optimistic about the future of thecountry a

sa whole ,but Ihope I am wrong . '

Since 1965 , the International Association for Tamil Research ,

which claims to be

devoted essentially to the cultural activities of

Tamil -speaking people in South -East Asia , has held conferences

in Malaysia and India . In 1974 , they decide to hold their fourth

international conference in Jaffna . Mr Ramasamy , though notkeen to participate , is sure Bala will do so and he remarks that it

will be interesting to see what happens . He speculates whetherthis international group will discuss the situation on the island .

174

Time and Chance

Listening to him , Rohini thinks : there is an element of

hope that an academic solution can be found for

the emerging

explosive situation . Perhaps we have already begun to clutch at

straws .

The conference gets offto a bad start with theGovernment

refusing to issue visas to some distinguished participants from

India .Mr Ramasamy rings from Jaffna with the news that all hellhas broken loose .When a minor altercation takes place , police ,

acting in the belief that the conference has subversive overtones ,

move into the overflowin conference hall and tear -gas the crowd .

MrRamasamy was at Bala ' s house working on his brief but Bala

had gone to the meeting .

Mr Ramasamy ' s feeling ofmisery at the turn of

events is

evident when he reports , 'Bala was caught in the stampede ,which

ensued when a fire broke out , but he was at the back of the hall so

he managed to run

out and take shelter in a friend ' s house . Hesaid itwas like a battlefield and severalpeople were killed . '

Suren says , 'My God , Dadda ! What ' s going to happen

next ?“The people here are now violently anti -government and

are gettingmore determined than ever to break away and declare

a separate state .

When MrRamasamy returns to Colombo Suren and Rohini go to

see him . They are eager fora firsthand account of

events in Jaffna

as well as for

his penetrating insights , which they are confidentwill help relieve their mounting tension and apprehension .

Though now Jaffna news dominates the front pages ofmost of

the

newspapers , government control of the media makes themsceptical of

the authenticity ofmany of

the reports .

Mr Ramasamy is still subdued . ' I found it quite painful to

see

what is happening to the young people in thenorth . They arebecoming quite aggressive and the militant youth that call

themselves the Tigers are increasing in numbers . '

Time and Chance 175

Rohini feels apprehension seep through her body at the

news , a premonition of future disaster .MrRamasamy continues , “You se

e , the disgruntled youth in

Jaffna belong to the generation born after 1956 ,when communalconflict erupted in S

ri Lanka , and they matured in time to be

aware of the disabilities affecting their community . They are

hardly aware of

the Sinhalese and , if they do think of them , it is as

the natural adversaries of

the Tamils .

He shakes his head in deep sadness and goes on , 'They

don ' t think the way we do and I fear we will never be able to

persuade them to think otherwise . 'After a while , Suren comments that the Tamil political

leaders are lacking in integrity and are opportunists who cannot

provide leadership to these young people .His father counters that he sympathises with them to a

certain extent . “There are many among this group who werepersonally disadvantaged b

y

the discriminatory provisions of

standardisation in education . They would have been deprived of

the chance to enter university merely because they are Tamils .

This is a dangerous situation because being deprived of

educational opportunities means the inevitable impact on

employment opportunities .

Rohini gives voice to the apprehension that has been

beginning to grip her these past few weeks . ' If the situationcontinues to deteriorate and n

o

solution is found to the ethnic

issues , I am afraid theminds of those born after the 1960s will be

formed by

the experience of conflict and humiliation .We are all

right .Webelong to the

generation that grew up

in more tranquil

times . I think we must take some responsibility to try

to alleviate

the situation . '

Suren and his father look downcast , then Mr Ramasamysays ,with a sad expression on his

face , 'We do have a responsibility ,

but none ofus

has access to the corridors of power any more . Helooks at his so

n , ‘Even you areamere public servant . '

THIRTY -TWO

ven for

people like the Ramasamy family ,who feel helpless

L about their inability to contribute to the

national debate or to

exert direct control , there is a persistent hope that on a national

scale something good will happen when the country gets out of

the throes of

post -colonial politics . There is a palpable sense thatCeylon is in some kind o

f

transition .While they can detect thedeepening gloom about the state o

fnational politics , the desire to

be proud of

the political institutions remains . There is a

widespread belief in the country in the emergence of

themythical

Prince Diyasena ,who will be the national saviour once again .

Increasingly , to Rohini ' s dismay , she and Suren are

becoming defensive of

their command of English , their Western

liberal attitudes , their way of life , to which they cling . They feelcompelled to speak in Sinhalese , even among themselves , whenthey a

re in the presence of

nationalistic types . The nouveau riche ,

the social and economic climbers from less privileged

backgrounds , display a kind of race and class anger and jealousy .

Severe inflationary pressures lead to a further fall in living

standards , causing a great deal ofhardship and culminating in a

series of

strikes in key areas of

the public sector , such as the

railways and health services .

Time and Chance 177

On their way to work one morning Rohini observes themilling

crowds on street corners and says , ' I am sure somehow Ranjit and

his JVP friends are involved in the widespread unrest . '

Suren responds , "We don ' t know for

certain . Let ' s not sayanything to him .

Several days pass and Ranjit does not turn up . Suren tries

to contact him in his office without success .

In the election ,Mrs Bandaranaike , who had taken sternmeasures to bring the unrest under control , is comprehensively

defeated . Suren andRohini watch with apprehension as the right

wing UNP is jubilant in victory . After the rout of the left -wingforces , the Tamil United Liberation Front ( TULF ) emerges as themain parliamentary opposition and , fo

rthe first time , a Tamil

becomes the leader of

the opposition .

Suren and Rohini are on their way to dinner at Suren ' s parents '

place . Rohini gazes idly at the passing scene . There is a hint of

menace in the knots of people gathered on the footpaths , the

raucous black crows flapping noisily in the evening sky .

John opens the door and they go

through to find Suren ' smother in the sitting room .MrRamasamy is speaking o

n thephone in his study . He comes out a little later ,his face overcastand thoughtful . He was speaking to Bala in Jaffna , who gave himnews o

fa clash between the police and a section of

the people in

the township .

“ I am apprehensive because Bala seems to think that thesituation is quite volatile a

sa result of the atmosphere of

communal mistrust created by

the previous government ' s policiesand political attitudes . ' In recent days , there had been a ferociousoutbreak of

communal violence ,which was promptly put down by

the Government . He asks , 'Suren , have you heard any news in

your official circles ? The papers seem to be censoring the news

from Jaffna . There ' snothingmuch in today ' s paper . '

178 Time and Chance

Suren says, 'I hear that the new government is lookingcarefully at the constitutional framework under the previous

regime, which has upset the delicate balance of forces. Perhapsthey will bring in some administrative measures to meet some ofthe grievances of the Tamil people .'MrRamasamy says gravely , 'I hope something is donesoon .

According to Bala , the situation is rather grim .'

In order to control the activities of the Tamil terrorists , 'ThePrevention of Terrorism Act ' is enacted , giving sweeping powersto security personnel . Other legislation introduced by the newgovernment earns faint praise from Mr Ramasamy, whocomments , ‘At least fo

r

now the rule of

law has been sustained

and the rights of

minorities have been safeguarded with the

declaration of

both Sinhalese and Tamil as the national

languages . Whether this is sufficient to appease the youthful

hotheads demanding a separate state for

the Tamils we

will have

to wait and see . '

The air of austerity that the previous government ' s

economic policy had created , the scarcities of food and consumergoods and the long queues , soon become a thing of the past .Bumper rice harvests help to keep the prices o

f locally -grown food

items relatively low . Momentarily , Rohini ' s spirits lift . Colombodwellers envelop themselves in their cocoons and shut out the

harsh realities of

life outside their narrow world . Communalviolence , however , rears its ugly head again when the activities of

an extremist group of

Tamil youths — no

doubt the Tigers in the

north of

the country — brings the country to the brink .

A military commander is appointed to coordinate security

arrangements in the north and conciliatory political initiatives in

the form ofa Presidential Commission are undertaken in the hope of

blunting the edges of separatist aspirations .MrRamasamy is pleasedwhen this commission recommends the establishment o

f

District

Development Councils as a measure of democratic decentralisation .

Time and Chance 179

Rohana Wijeweera , the leader of the JVP , who was jailed

for his role in the 1971 insurrection , becomes themost notablebeneficiary o

f

the repeal of repressive laws . Once he is free , he sets

about using his formidable skills to rebuild the JVP and its allies .

Steeped in revolutionary Marxist ideology , acquired during

his years in Russia , he is the principal source of

ideas and

organisation .

Suren is disturbed by

the news he receives from one of

Ranjit ' s colleagues that Ranjit is frequently on leave of

absence

from the

office . Suren tells Rohini , ' I also heard about Ranjit ' s

visits to Rohana Wijeweera while he

was holed up

in prison for

eight years . It is very disquieting . '

Rohini is anxious as

she says , 'Wehaven ' t seen him in ages .

I wonder what he is up to now . '

It soon transpires that Wijeweera had reorganised the

movement island -wide from within the prison . They becomeconvinced that Ranjit has become amember o

fWijeweera ' s innercircle .

Towards the end of

the year , at a press conference he is attending

with the minister , Suren runs into a journalist who was an

acquaintance of

Veena ' s . He confirms the news that Ranjitresigned from h

is post in the Tourist Board and is now amember

of

the JVP propaganda committee .Hebelieves that Ranjit travelswith Rohana Wijeweera , who is busy setting u

p

district and

electoral offices all

over the island .

It seemsthat the JVP is intent on creating mayhem leading up

to

the elections . The atmosphere in the city is corrosive as a series of

strikes in universities and workplaces cause disruption . Surenbecomes worried about the security of his family as the streets fill

with unruly crowds . He orders that the main gates leading to thehouse b

e kept locked during the day . Security becomes an

180 Time and Chance

obsession . At night, he checks doors and windows , not trustingthe servants to secure them . Iron bars are installed on every

window .He insists that the front door is kept locked and that thechildren do not go outside unless they a

re chaperoned by

Seela .

THIRTY -THREE

Dy July 1983 , the rule of law

is under siege . In the face of

Drepeated acts of

violence against individuals ,government andbank property , the armymakes plans to take more action in the

north . The plans involve armymovement along a road known to

be

mined heavily by

the terrorists .

On the night of July 23 , 1983 , the Tamil Tigers ambush an army

patrol on the Jaffna Peninsula and 13 soldiers are killed . Rohini

hears the news on the radio as she comes home in the afternoon .

A breathless announcer goes on in aggrieved tones to say that the

rest of

the unit has gone on the rampage , destroying muchproperty and inflicting death o

n innocent civilians . Frantic ,

Rohini rushes to share the news with Soma and Seela ,who sit

on

the back verandah with the children . They are

distressed . 'Hamu ,

there is going to be real trouble when the relatives of these

soldiers find outwhat ' s happened in Jaffna .

Rohini goes to the study and tries to telephone Suren ,butshe is unable to contact him . Next she rings her father - in -law ,

who volunteers to ring Bala for

more news . Rohini prowls aroundthe house restlessly waiting for

Suren ' s arrival home . The roadoutside is curiously silent . The servants lock the back door andshepherd the children upstairs .

182 Time and Chance

As night falls, Suren arrives home. Rohini rushes out togreet him as shehears his key turn in the lock .‘Any news ? I heardabout the terrible events up north .'

“There are crowdsmilling on the streets . It ' s quite scary out

there . There ' s talk that the bodies are being brought here for

burial at Kanatte .Dinner is a dismal meal and they g

o

to bed that night in

fear and trepidation of

what the morning will bring .

As the news reaches Colombo , rumour takes wing ,

embellishing the gory details as preparations are made to hold a

state funeral for

the dead soldiers at the Colombo cemetery .

Rohinidecides that she and the children will remain athome , as

Kanatte is not far away . A large crowd , composed of

the relatives ,

friends and well -wishers of the deceased and curious bystanders ,

starst gathering from dawn on Monday , July 25 .

Early in the morning , Rohini goes out to Borella to buysome vegetables and threads her way carefully and fearfully past

knots of youths idling on

street corners . The piles of uncollectedgarbage , the fetid a

ir

and grit , the incessantly tooting horns of thecacophonous streets o

f

Colombo , depress and oppress her .

A sense of foreboding darkens her spirit . As she reaches the

street stalls lining the pavements , she is horrified to see in an

alleyway , a few youths dancing with glee round a young Tamil boywho had been stripped naked and , terrified , is worshipping hisassailants and pleading for mercy . She hurries back to the car anddrives through the street , frantic to get home . She glimpses in

horror gangs of youths carrying crude weapons — pieces of pipe ,

wooden clubs — setting fire to rows of

Tamil shops , wreakinghavoc while shouting that they are doing a service to the nation .

These racially motivated assaults on Tamils will spread

throughout the island .

A friend brings Suren home . 'We have closed the office as

there is going to be unrest in the streets when the crowds gather

for the funeral . '

Time and Chance 183

The thought of fleeing never enters their heads. Surencautions , 'Wemust tr

y

to remain calm . If we stay indoors witheverything locked w

e

should beall right . '

DOn the day of the funeral , Soma and Seela plead with them to

either stay at home or to go to Rohini ' s parents 'home before thecrowds become unruly . Their proximity to Kanatte , the hugepublic cemetery , heightens the possibility of attack . Through theservants ' grapevine , they have heard rumours of a planned attack

on Tamil homes . Finally , their entreaties frighten Rohini enough

to get Suren to bring his parents over .

A neighbour ,Mrs Perera , knocks on

their door as soon as

Suren returns with his parents . She pleads with them , saying in

one gulp , ‘Please come with me into our house . You allwill be safe

there . Please hurry . I overheard some people talking about a list of

Tamil houses to be burnt down . The bronze nameplate on your

gatepost clearly declares your Tamil connection . On hearing

voices , the servants venture to the front of the house and

volunteer to stay in the house and safeguard it . Soma bursts intotears , urging them , ‘Please , Hamu , go next door .We ' ll look afterthe house .

Mrs Perera whisks them all

into her house through the

back door and they crouch in fear in a small hidden room upstairs .

In low voices , they plan their next move in a confusion of

cold

sweat and tears . The children , caught up in the fear that hoversover them ,keep pleading , tears sliding down their cheeks 'Let ' s go

to England .We ' ll be safe with Auntie Veena and Auntie Shanti . '

Rohiniwants to yell at them to stop the sad refrain , but she stopsherself in time , as pity fo

r

them courses through her body . Theyare so young to be subjected to such horror .

Meanwhile , the

crowds are getting restless at

the delay in

the arrival of

the bodies at

the cemetery . The delay causes intensespeculation a

s

to the cause , which is exploited by 'interestedparties .

184 Time and Chance

Bymidmorning , amammoth , raucous , squabbling crowd hastaken up every inch of space within the cemetery and spills into thesurrounding streets. The delay in the start of the funeral ceremonymakes them more and more restless . The police and army personnelmake futile attempts to maintain order but become the victims of

the hostile crowd. The police tear- gas

the crowd ,which inflamesthe situation further . The rampaging mob vents it

s feelings on the

police and on the Tamil people living in the vicinity .

Suren and Rohini are in a huddle with their arms aroundthe children . Suren ' s parents a

re slouched dispiritedly in a couple

of

chairs in a far corner . The heavy curtains are drawn against thewindows , shutting out the light , but they still hear the angry roar

as

the mob — some of

them armed with electoral lists of

house

holders identified as Tamils — pour into the streets , firebombing

and smashing houses and shops and leaving death and destruction

in their wake .

It is a rampaging multitude driven by

envy ,hatred , bigotryand a deprivation o

f

excitement and fulfilment of any substance

in their barren lives . The family cowers in fear in Mrs Perera ' s

house and , with a sinking feeling , see through a crack in the

curtains the plume of

smoke and hear the loud crackling sounds asflames lick the walls o

f

their home .

Their house goes up

in smoke , destroying their possessions ,

memories and happiness .Rohini clutches the children and Surenputs his arms round them all as they weep at the loss of everything

that symbolised nearly 20 years of

their lives .Mrs Ramasamy cries

as

she watches them helplessly , her face clouded with immensesadness . She does not voice her fears about her own home .

OnlyMrRamasamy remains calm and , suddenly decisive ,

he takes control of the situation . He creeps downstairs and callsthe British High Commission to obtain visas for

allof

them .Hethen speaks to Shanti and tells her in a firm voice , 'Wewill be in

England as

soon as we book a flight . ' As soon as he

finishes

speaking , Rohini tries to call her parents to let

them know they

are safe , but the telephone has been disconnected .

Time and Chance 185

a

Soon the mob moves on to the next victim further down

the road . Mrs Perera and Rohini creep out of the house to see the

extent of the damage . Seela and Soma come up to them with tearsstreaming down their faces, clutching Rohini's feet, asking herforgiveness for not saving the house .

They had been cowering behind the garage , too fearful togo over to Mrs Perera 's house to join them . As they weep , Somasays , “Wewere ordered out of the house by aman who had a long

bladed knife . He threatened to kill us if we did not leave . Therewere a few thugs with him who firebombed the house .' Rohiniangrily thinks that these are well -informed people , not just thecommon thieves who raid and pillage.

Premadasa , their chauffeur, had run away when he heardthe mob coming up the street. The leader of the gang had askedwhere the Tamils were who lived there and was told that they had

gone to Kandy fora few days . Before running out , Soma grabbed a

few photo albums and the pictures of

the children that stood on

the mantelpiece . She clutches them to herbreast ,unwilling to let

go .Gently , Rohini steers Soma towards her neighbour ' s house .

She returns to rummage among the ruins ofherhome . Thesilver bowl given to Alok at his birth b

y Ranjit lies charred and

twisted among the debris that litters the floor . It is as though

even the wraith that was Ranjit these past few

months hasdisintegrated in the flames .

As

darkness falls , Suren and Rohini go into the garden anddiscover that their car is intact , as the fire had not reached thegarage . Before exploring the shattered remains of their house ,

they take Suren ' s parents home to Turret Road .

The streetlights ,which usually come on as twilight falls ,areunlit . In the d

im light , they find the gates open . There is no one

in sight . The house has a forlorn , abandoned look that frightens

them . As they get out of the car , John appears at the door andopens it a chink . They hurry in , closing the door behind them andput the lights on . They look around quickly . Their house is stilllivable . Only the front windows have been destroyed and there

186 Time and Chance

are cracks in the wall, as though something heavy was thrownagainst it. The servants have nailed planks of wood over thebroken window .

The mob , in their eagerness to destroy as many Tamilhomes as possible , had moved on with the jo

b

half -done . Theservants are already in the house cleaning u

p

the mess . Theycomfort Mr and Mrs Ramasamy . John says , 'We remained in theback o

f

the house and they may have realised that they would

have to kill us if they were going to destroy the house . Mr andMrs Ramasamy are speechless .MrRamasamy nods his head with

a faint smile in acknowledgement as they turn to go upstairs

together . Suren and Rohinislip away .

This event takes away everything that defined their existence ,

everything that underpinned the illusion that they were respected

members of society , ‘somebodies ' . Infernal images of charred walls

and nightmarish tales of gruesomemurders committed without a

shred ofmercy or humanity are all

that remain . That and a deepsadness and a hatred o

f

the country , the people , the system thatbred such horror . Suren and Rohini drive back to Mrs Perera ' shome in silence .

What did they do

to deserve the destruction of

their home ,

their security ? How do you respond to such nihilistic evil ? Angrily ,

Rohini thinks that the sight of charred remains will haunt hermemories and the flames will lighther nightmares forever .

She had believed that they were somebodies with social

acclaim , old established families with a proud lineage ;Dadda withhonour for his erudition , Suren a civil servant , even herself , a

teacher , somehow a genteel occupation .What could they do in

the face of

evil ?

Evil , as W . H . Auden said , ' is unspectacular and alwayshuman / and shares our bed and eats at our own table ' .

On the drive through the deserted city , she thinks , withsadness , that these are people they have lived among since birth .

Time and Chance 187

They might not know them intimately , but they walk with them ,

shoulder to shoulder, in the teeming streets of the city and therehad been no hint of personal menace . It is the normality of evilthat distresses her, what Hannah Arendt termed 'the banality ofevil that makes her deeply despondent . How could people, towhom she thought she belonged , despite her deeply concealedfeelings of being an outsider, turn on them ,destroy their lives ?

A day or so later , stories emerge that make her realise thatgoodness can be banal too . Many Sinhalese neighbours gavesanctuary to Tamil friends hounded bymobs, keeping them securein their homes, risking their own security in acts of humanity thatwould remain obscure in the face of evil .

Nextmorning Suren and Rohini awake in the Perera home to a

bitter realisation : they are homeless , stripped of their possessions .

The only glimmer of light is the hope ofa new life elsewhere , far

away from their nightmare . Here is the Sri Lankan civilisationexposed , at its darkest , least civilised hour .

Amazingly , Mr Ramasamy maintains his equanimity . “Wemust not b

e

self -centred . Think of the poor people who have losteverything ,who have no resources like us to rebuild their lives . '

He does not rage . Nothing can extinguish his intellectualcuriosity a

s he

strives to look for

the

causes of

these horrible

events . He ignores the plight of his family and his humanesympathy fo

r

other victims , regardless of

class or

creed or

race ,

and his finely tuned cosmopolitanism remain intact . He sustainsthem a

ll .

The intelligentsia and the affluentmiddle class distance

themselves from the violence and cast responsibility on

individuals that they term 'the rabble ' , 'savages ' and 'thugs ' , notacknowledging that all

human beings have in them the

capacity

for violence .

A friend and neighbour who is helping them to salvage a

few things from the rubble declares vehemently , 'No doubt the

188 Time and Chance

violence began spontaneously , but the soldiers were already outon the streets . I think if the Government wanted to , they couldhave stopped it .'

Suren , who had been reticent and withdrawn , respondswearily , “I am disgusted that the leaders of the main partiesshowed no leadership these past fe

w days . J . R . in particular hasmuch to answer fo

r. By their inaction they let

the Sinhalese

down . '

Rohinithinkswith intense hatred in her heart of that grey

faced ageing patriarch besotted with power . She adds , ' Iblame theGovernment . There is n

o

doubt they created the conditions for

the communal violence .What troublesme is the rumour that theGovernmentwas a

n active agent . '

Suren looks ather thoughtfully and says ,soothingly , ‘Even

if this is so , it will be up to others to prove it . By

then we will be

long gone from here .

The Bandaranaike and Jayawardene governments are to

blame for

the inaction if not connivance of

the army and police

during the state -instigated violence of

1983 . They sowed theseeds in the previous years .

THIRTY-FOUR

Nonfined to the house, all

that keeps them going in these last

days is the glimmer of hope of forging a new way of

life , free

of the enmities and superstitions of the past , free of the

mythologies and racial hatred , free to choose their cultural and

political allegiances in that most liberal country , England ,whichthey know so well .

Suren , Rohini and the children move to Rohini ' sparent ' s

place while Suren ' s parents make arrangements to close their

house . Rohini ' s parents hide their deep sorrow at

the imminent

departure and keep upa calm outward appearance as they go

about helping the family in their myriad tasks . For once ,Rohini is

thankful for

their natural reticence , which helps them keep theirreal feelings hidden .

A few days before their departure , Suren and MrDe Silva

sit

on the veranda with various documents necessary for handing

over management of their affairs to MrDe Silva , who has been

granted power of attorney . As Rohini joins them , her father looks

up

from the papers on his lap and makes a half -hearted attempt to

comfort them , ‘Everything happens fora purpose . We are all

people who have never harmed anybody . Surely this event is a

blessing in disguise . ' It is a blessing she cannot see .

Rohini finds Menika folding some clothes in her room , hereyes , framed by

rapidly -greying hair , are

full of unshed tears .

Rohini notices with sadness that she stoops like an old

woman

190 Time and Chance

and has lost weight . The ferocious glint with which she ruledthem as children is replaced by a touching sadness as she hovers

around Rohini protectively , eager to attend to her every need .With the stern glint gone, her eyes are hooded with sadness andshe speaks in monosyllables , the dark rings around them tell astory of sleepless nights .

Soma opts to stay on at Rohini's parent 'shome,while Seelais welcomed into a friend 's home to care fo

r

her children . Thechildren weep when Seela departs . Vinodhi cries uncontrollably

while Menika encloses her in her arms . 'When will we see Seelaagain ?Why can ' t she comewith us to England ? '

Rohini and Suren store the few things they have salvaged

from their home in the basement ofher parent ' s house .Her father

is entrusted with the task of selling both properties and investing

the proceeds until they settle down somewhere .When they sifted through the debris a fe

wdays ago , Suren

realised that Rohini ' s intricately carved wooden jewellery box , an

exquisite piece of marquetry , had disintegrated and that the

intense heat hasmelted her jewellery

Rohini thought of

the long journey this jewellery box had

had , coming from Europe in the early 20th century when a shy

Tamil bride from Jaffna received it asa gift from her youthful ,

English -educated husband . It had been in Suren ' s father ' s familyand was given to Rohini as a wedding gift along with her share o

f

the family jewellery .

Rohini ' s thoughts flew back to her wedding day . She closedher eyes and a furtive tear rolled down her cheek , her heartclenching with grief . How proud she had been to receive this

precious box , how special she had been made to feel at being

Suren ' s bride . She marvels at this sense of the past that turns a

happy memory to grief .She breathes deeply to suppress her tears .

She cannot bear to look at the small , disfigured lumps of gold in

the ashes .

Suren is relieved that the

thali he

placed round Rohini ' sneck

on

their wedding day , which she wears constantly , survived the

THIRTY- FIVE

Asthe plane lifts from her native land ,Rohini 's teary eyes areO clear enough so that she sees the outline of the island, theteardrop of India se

t

in a whirl of

blue and sea -green . Amazingly ,

she feels no pain at parting . The uncivil , clamorous crowds , the

backbiting , the

petty point -scoring , the enervating jealousies , the

heat and humidity , the sloppy morals are all behind her . She is

leaving all

that , seeking anonymity and the freedom to be

her

own person , which has been denied to her as long as she lived inthis murky fishbowl .

Veena and Shanti are at Heathrow to meet them when they

arrive weary with sadness , lack of sleep and a sense of dejection .

On the tedious journey to London , Rohini ' s confidence andoptimism has eroded and a fear o

f

the unknown has invaded her

soul . The reassuring touch of Suren ' shand on hers , his occasionalkiss o

n her forehead ,which is like a benediction , does little to

alleviate her apprehension .But these gestures warm her heart anddraw her closer to him .

The reunion with Veena and Shanti , who stood at the

barrier with tremulous smiles and eyes full of unshed tears ,

comforts Rohini . Surrounded by

her loved ones , she feels moored

to dear and familiar people . Briefly , in their welcoming embrace ,

evil is blotted out .

194 Time and Chance

A sense of homecoming comes upon her at the sight offamiliar landmarks as they drive through the city. The summer ismild and the softly falling rain makes England 's green andpleasant land a place well loved .Rohini is overcome with a senseof change , of better things to come. The children 's excitementinfects them a

lland , initially , the need to point out landmarks

and to attend to their creature comforts distracts them .

In London , the family seems unable to get away from the ethnicproblems o

r

divorce themselves from the reality of

Sri Lankan

politics as they long to do . The Sinhalese and Tamil extremists

have begun feeding upon each other and , after the violence of

1983 ,many moderates , some of whom live abroad , particularly in

London ,become Eelamists , adopting the fundamentalist position

ofa separate state for the Tamils .

One evening Suren returns home from a leisurely walk

looking angry and spent . The children have gone to the park withtheir grandfather . Rohini and Mrs Ramasamy ,who si

t

at

the tiny

dining table shelling peas , glance at Suren anxiously .

He declares angrily , “This damn pogrom was totally

counterproductive . The ranks of the Tamil militants have swelled

a thousandfold . I wish we could get away from being caught in the

tentacles of

this poisonous movement . '

Rohini and his mother look alarmed . Rohini says , 'Whatare you talking about ?

“ Imet Joe Chelliah , who used to be a classmate , as I wascoming out of the supermarket . A

t

first Ididn ' t recognise him ,but

I noticed him staring at me a couple of times while I was inside .

Hewas outside waiting for

me and we

got talking . Apparently ,he

is an Eelamist and tried to convince me about the justice of

their

cause . '

When Mr Ramasamy returns , they discuss the encounter .

He listens intently and says , “We must look carefully at the

inherent assumption of the superiority of

the Tamils over the

Time and Chance 195

Sinhalese and the growing fascist tendencies within the Tamil

community . The others remain silent as past resentments , past

memories , surface .MrRamasamy goes on ,'It is easy enough to goabroad and romanticise the “boys" and lose sight of th

e

real

dangers .We should try

our best to steer clear of these people and

not get entangled in their destructive arguments . '

They continue to be

drawn into further encounters with the SriLankan expatriates who seem to congregate in the city . They soon

learn to studiously avoid the company of Sinhalese acquaintances

aswell , as their only topic of conversation , laced with unrealistic

academic solutions for

the resolution of

the conflict , depressesthem n

o

end . The effort to create a space between them is fuelled

by

the need to retreat from the

plethora of myths and racist

slanders peddled by

those with no

interest in tolerance , humanrights or justice .

Rohini tries to make the

most of their free time to engage Suren

and his father in conversation in order to understand the complex

ethnic situation that has destroyed their lives . She always foundinjustice o

f any kind extraordinarily painful . An unjust law

ora

miscarriage of

justice hurts and jars her like a discordant note in a

sonata . However much they talk , she fails to comprehend the

rights and wrongs in this case . A strange mixture of misery ,

calmness and resignation is all they reach .Politicians treat human

beings not as individuals , but as pawns in the nasty process of

silencing their own fears or satisfying their own hates . Sadly , shethinks , the world has reverted to barbarism .

The Ramasamy family rent a car and drive upto Cambridge .Mrand Mrs Ramasamy , who sit

in the back , point out familiar

landmarks to the children . Rohini sits beside Suren , drinking in

196 Time and Chance

the countryside . The familiar manicured image of England offerssolace to her torn spirits .

Rohini falls in love with Cambridge from the moment of

their arrival. With the pale stone buildings of the colleges, nobleand serene, other Gothic , Elizabethan , Georgian buildings , andKings College Chapel, Cambridge will always be her favouriteplace on Earth .

Suren and she are partners again . Their passion rekindled ,

the closeness and a heightened concern for each other helps to

heal her.

Suren seems to have put the past firmly behind him in

typical masculine fashion . He engages in discussions with hisfather in making plans for the future . Father and so

n

take long

walks by

the river while Rohini potters around thehouse cooking

and cleaning . She can see father and son

from the kitchen

window as they walk leisurely on the river bank . She smiles to

herself as she notes their identical posture , hands folded behindtheir backs , as they pace companionably side b

y

side .

A change has come over Mrs Ramasamy since their move

to Cambridge . She seems to remain on the margins , unsure of

herself , occasionally helping Rohini . She comes alive vaguelywhen the children are around .Rohini thinks perhaps she missesher gracious home , its comforts and their former lifestyle . Theircottage is depressingly bare and , though aware of the temporary

nature of

their stay here ,most days they scour the second -handshops for basic furniture . The children are enrolled in the nearby

school and the long summer evenings are spent eating out in thenearby pubs and little restaurants .

One weekend ,Shanti asks Rohini over to help her cook a

meal for

the family in her flat . Together they shop for

fresh

vegetables and herbs , fresh strawberries and cherries at theMarketPlace .

As

soon as they get

in Shanti declares , 'You are allin fora

surprise ! Guess who ' s coming to dinner . '

Time and Chance 197

Rohini's heart lifts with a sort of hope. She commands ,'Tell me. Don 'tkeep me in suspense . You know wehave no secretsfrom each other. I sense you are keeping something importantfrom me .

“I'vemet the most gorgeous man from Oz. Adrian is doinghis PhD in medieval history and , from the first moment,we wereattracted to each other. Nothing is settled between us and I wanthim to meet the family. I know Amma and Dadda will not sayanything much at first, but I so want their approval . Iam sure he'llget along like a house on fire with you and Suren !'

That evening the family is gathered in Shanti 's flat whenAdrian McNeil arrives with a couple of bottles of Australian winein a paper bag. After the introductions ,he goes into the kitchenand pours the wine into glasses he takes out of the cupboard .Rohini notes his familiarity , how much at home he is in Shanti'sflat.

The wine helps them all

relax . Rohini thinks it ' s a realicebreaker . They si

p

the wine while they engage in talk of

the

Australian wine industry . In his early thirties , tall and lanky with

a lean fine -hewn face , brown hair , piercing blue eyes , and dressedcasually in a T -shirt and blue jeans , Adrian displays a caring ,considerate nature .He is no brash , loud Aussie .

He is thoughtful and softly spoken and the children make

friends with him so speedily that Rohini knows instinctively that

Shanti hasmade the right choice .

Shanti and Rohini put the finishing touches to themeal

while Suren and his parents start a serious discussion with Adrian

about the tragedy that has overtaken them all . He is interested in

the historical roots of

the problem , but does not let theconversation become too academic . Rohini continues to observe

them from the kitchen and is surprised when Suren ' s motheropenly discusses her feelings with a stranger for

the first time sincethey left home . 'You know , Adrian ,my husband and I belong to

the two communities who are now bitter enemies . That is

something I find difficult to bear . '

198 Time and Chance

Mr Ramasamy says, 'Having grown up in a totally liberalcountry, we still can 't believe what happened to us.'His wife adds,“The sa

d

part of it is that we as a family ,are a

good example of ethnic harmony . But in the end we

all

became

victims of

the racialmonster .

Adrian says soothingly , after a brief silence , 'You are notalone . Events take place al

l

over the world in cycles when certain

forces gather momentum . Ethnicity is fuelling unrest in manyparts o

f

the world now . '

' P .Adrian appears to b

e

familiar with the flavours of curry . A delighted

Mrs Ramasamy presses more and more food on his plate . Suren

remarks , ' So Australia is not the antipodean backwater that it

used to be after all . You seem to have more cosmopolitan tastes in

food than most English people . '

Adrian responds , 'Some say we are the greatest multicultural

society on

Earth . Our nation is composed of representatives of

over

150 nations . Incredibly , we have somehow managed to weld them

all

together into a cohesive group . '

| An incredulousMrRamasamy says , ' Is that so ? '

Adrian goes on , ' It is possible that the appearance of unity

is superficial ,but so far

no

cracks have appeared . Whatever it is ,

I am really proud of the way the country has evolved from a

colonial backwater into a cosmopolitan nation . '

Wistfully , Rohini says , ' It must be an interesting place to

live in . '

That night on their way home Suren says rather tentatively

that perhaps they should look at the possibilities of emigration to

Australia . “Don ' t rush into anything , ' cautions Mr Ramasamy .

' This is going to be the most important decision you make ,whichwill impact on the whole family . Amma and Ihave decided to go

home .We are too old and set in our ways now to make a fresh

start in a foreign land . 'MrRamasamy says reflectively , ' I ' m gladShanti has made a good friend .He seems a nice chap , but wedon ' t know what his intentionsare as fa

ras Shanti is concerned . '

Time and Chance 199

Rohini does not divulge what she knows . It has to be sorted

out between them and Shanti .Autumn sets in and Mr Ramasamy begins to feel the cold . Hewants to go home. Uncharacteristically , he complains , 'I can 'tstand this cold . It seems to be getting into my old bones .When Iwas here in my youth the cold weather never bothered me. It 'samazing how I ca

n ' t even remember feeling this cold . '

His wife , huddled in several layers of

warm clothes , is stillafraid and still off balance , disoriented . She is silent and does not

contribute to the conversation between father and son . Soon thecreeping early autumn chill , the insistent rain , the dripping treesoutside , get under Rohini ' s skin . She realises that her preoccupations with the English landscape are centred o

n springtime ,

golden daffodils , babbling brooks . The watery sun peepingmomentarily from sad , grey ominous skies is not the England sheloves .

Finally , towards the end of November , when the gentlyfalling but constant English drizzle and perpetual cold keeps them

indoors for days on end ,Mrs Ramasamy relents and decides halfheartedly that perhaps it ' s time to g

o

home .

Suren and Rohini have decided to apply for migration to

Australia as refugees . Adrian , who is pleased , helps them by

contacting a friend at

Australia House and their application is

pending . Mr and Mrs Ramasamy get in touch with a lawyer in

Colombo who negotiates the sale of

their house and the purchase

ofa spacious apartment adjacent to theGalle Face Hotel .

Ona sad

grey day ,Mrand Mrs Ramasamy leave Cambridge

for

Heathrow where they are due to catch a flight to Colombo .

Rohini feels an immense grief , a sense of bereavement at the

break - up of their close - knit group . Though preoccupied with lastminute packing , she senses that Suren ' s parents feel deeply andshe cannot find the words to comfort them . Even Shanti ' s spiritsare lo

w . The dispirited family group huddles in the cold and thetears flow a

s they wave goodbye .

200 Time and Chance

After their departure , the winter cold isolates the rest of thefamily in their little cottage . Suren and Rohini shiver as they

stand by their bedroom window and look at the bleak landscape.There are traces of snow on the venerable buildings in the

distance . Rohini declares , “I'm glad we won 't be here anotherwinter. Cambridge in summer is a place I love but I hate thewinter , the lack of sunlight gets me down .' Suren agrees as hehugs her.

In an effort to lift her spirits , he assures her that they willbe happy in Australia . “I hear that the Australian winters are quitemild .Nothing like this , especially in Sydney. Adrian says the skiesare blue even in mid -winter. I am glad we have decided to makeour home in Sydney.Rohini thinks that home , the land of one's birth , kinship ,

all

these things are a scam . Iwant to let go of all

that and begin a real

life

in which nobody tells me how to live , a life in which I am free to

break the rules I donot like , and do things Iwas never allowed to do by

the

invisible string -pullers behind the

stage .

THIRTY -SIX

The long flight to Sydney is exhausting but the early morningI wake -up call draws them to the windows in eager

anticipation . Their excitement and exhilaration , heightened by

the pilot 's announcement that they would be over the city soon ,makes the four of them huddle by the two windows . A rainwashed , clear jacaranda-blue sky and the city spread beneaththem ,between thewaterways, and the span of the Harbour Bridgewith the sails of the Opera House glinting white in the sun , takestheir collective breath away . Strangely , on this , her first visit,

Rohini is overwhelmed with a sense of homecoming . She isbemused . Of course she had th

e

same feeling on landing at

Heathrow . But that was different . England had been a part of herconsciousness from early childhood .But Sydney ?

As they walk together through the airport , Rohini callsinstinctively o

n the familiar deities that at

last they be given the

chance tomake a new life asa family .

As they come through Customs ,where they have a taste

of

Australian courtesy and friendliness at first hand , they see

a couple ofsmiling faces flashing a board with their name on it .

Adrian ' s parents welcome them with warm hugs and a

hearty 'Welcome to Australia ! ' Their open countenances , obviouswarmth and concern for their comfort relaxes them .

As they walk to the car park , MrMcNeil explains , ‘OnShanti ' s clear instructions we have taken the liberty of renting

202 Time and Chance

a cottage for

you close to our home . 'Rohini smiles as he goes on

in a light tone , 'Shanti has advanced sufficient funds to rent thehouse and furnish itwith basic necessities , fresh flowers and bedswith cool sheets and enough food to last you a couple of days .

Shanti ' s specific instructions ! '

Suren apologises gravely , ‘ As usual ,my sister has imposed

on you both .

MrsMcNeil laughs , 'Oh no!We know her very well , you

know , despite the fact that we have not met her . Adrian andShanti ring us every week and we have long chats .

During the short drive , Rohini thinks that the violentexpulsion from the land o

f her birth should have been less

traumatic for her as she was always an outsider . Now she lookswith interest at the red -brick houses in neat gardens that they

pass , the clean highways so reminiscent ofEngland . Her eyes lookahead to the waiting shore . Rohini heaves a sigh .Mine is a story of

arrival , a story ofhope and my belief in its redemptive powers are

about

to be realised .

But there is a pain that haunts Rohini . She is not able to

explain what came to pass and what it was that drove them away

from Sri Lanka . The ancient enmities that led to their suffering

and that of

numerous others is still new , still alien and has avicious quality . She reflects ,with unexpected sadness , that they

all

lived in happier times when people of

either side were notadversaries but friends ,members of one community , one nation .

That happy time is irrevocably lost . History was swallowed in a

deep abyss .Her uneasy wrestling with the past will continue . Thepain will remain deep within her and she will tr

y

to consciously

deny it . Perhaps later ,when she is settled , she will try

to carry her

story further , to link it to the present and the future . In doing so ,

she will try

to recall times of joy and so find some consolation for

the pain within .

Time and Chance 203

The early days pass in tranquillity . They soon feel refreshed andreinvigorated with an enthusiasm to start a new life. The first taskis to get the children settled into a new school .

The day after their arrival ,MrMcNeil helps them to sort

out practicalities such as acquiring a telephone , visiting localschools , and the supermarket . That evening after dinner in the

McNeil home , they sit

on

their backyard patio while Mr and MrsMcNeil offer unobtrusive advice .

Suren says , 'The first problem we

have to resolve is school

for

the kids .

Adrian ' smother ,Susan , says , “ If you like ,we can recommendgood schools for them and speak to the principals o

n your behalf . '

Suren readily agrees , We really appreciate all you both

have done for us .

Peter responds , ‘Noworries ,mate ! '

Susan and Peter continue to be supportive . Until Rohini

and Suren acquire a car , the McNeils drive them to thesupermarket , and take them a

ll sightseeing on weekends .

One evening a few daysafter they settle in , Suren ,who ispruning

a shrub in the front garden , is surprised when a car stops outsidetheir gate . A group of Sri Lankans — a middle -aged couple and an

elderly man — get out of

the car and take a few

tentative steps

towards him . Suren smiles , looking quizzically at

the group .

The corpulent elderly man comes forward with an

outstretched hand , saying , 'MrRamasamy we are sorry to disturbyou . I am Mahinda Perera and this is Dr Ranasinha and his wife ,

Padmini . I used to know your father a long time ago

in Colombo . '

Suren recovers his composure and shakes hands with them .

He looks at the nondescript couple hesitantly . They seem friendlyenough . Remembering his manners , he says courteously , 'Please

do come in . ' He ushers them into the living room and goes in

search ofRohini .

204 Time and Chance

Rohini and Suren accept their invitation to dinner the

next Saturday . In this early phase of their new life , they are eager

to move in Sri

Lankan circles . Impressed by

the overt warmthdisplayed b

ya few

friends and acquaintances who try

hard to

make them feel welcome , Rohini purposefully suppresses her pastantipathy towards some people who encroach into their lives .

On

Saturday evening they catch a train and then a taxi to the

North Shore home of Dr

Ranasinha and Padmini . When they

arrive at

the refurbished two -storey home , Rohini feelsapprehensive a

t the sight of many strangers . The children are led

upstairs bya group of teenagers while Suren joins themen on the

back verandah . Padmini ' s fawning , flatteringmanner as she ushersthem into her florid lounge room makes Rohini ill at ease .

There is just one elderly lady dressed in a sari . The others

are stylishly clad in slacks and tailored blouses . At a superficial

level , there is concern for

Rohini and Suren among themainly SriLankan guests and a sort o

f cloying , ostentatious kindness is

extended to them that makes Rohini squirm within .

When Rohini says that some Australian friends of hersister - in -law a

re assisting them , Padmini declares a little heatedly ,

'Why do you have to depend on these Aussies ? There are plenty

of

us

around . You can

turn to the people in the Sri

Lankan

Association who will behappy to help you with anything . '

Rohini smiles thinly and says nothing . Anger driftsthrough her as she reflects o

n the busybodies in Colombo and

their prying into people ' s private lives , barely veiled as

offers of

assistance .Nomore . I am done with the

constant invasions of

privacy

I endured in silence allmy life . I have no sense of belonging to this

group and I do not need their assistance . Ever the outsider looking in

she looks around and observes the heavy -handed attempt by

their

hostess to demonstrate her sophistication and affluence . Instead

of restoring and enhancing the features of her Victorian house ,

Time and Chance 205

she has replaced the timber frames of the windows with

aluminium and removed the leadlight panes , replacing them withclear glass and flimsy modern blinds . Pretentious white leathercouches, glass - topped marble coffee tables , artificial blooms inhuge urns complete the decor.

The conversation soon turns to the HSC results . Rohinimakes an attempt to express an interest by turning an attentive

ear to the conversation that swirls around her. 'Sydney Grammardoes not seem to have done so well this year . I am worried about

all

themoney we are spending on Suraj ' s education . Wehope that

he

will follow in his father ' s footsteps and study medicine . '

‘Oh ! Padmini , I have reservations about the doctors here .

I don ' tmean Gamini , of course . They are only aftermoney , unlikethe doctors back home who were so concerned with community

service and intensely eager to relieve the pain of suffering

humanity .

Rohini thinks this sweeping statement is a bitover the top .

As Padmini , the busy hostess , gives a pained smile andmoves away from her so -called friends , Manel , a somewhatcynical friend o

f

the family , laughs , 'Gaminimay not be interested

in making money but Padmini surely is . Look at

all

these

luxurious furnishings and fittings ,the statuary and the landscapedgardens . It al

l

costs money ,you know ! '

A rather quiet lady who had not been introduced to Rohinijoins the group . A good profession like law o

r

medicine

guarantees a high income and security and that ' snothing to be

sniffed at . But we also need to be

aware of the intrinsic value of

education and I bear this in mind when I encourage and supportmy children in their studies .

Rohini is thankful that she injects some sanity into theconversation .

206 Time and Chance

There is a spirit of hope abroad in the early Eighties and fairness

defines the soul of the

nation . Economic rationalism is still a bad

dream waiting in the wings . Peter and Susan have just retired butlive in comfortable circumstances . They invite the Ramasamyfamily fo

rmeals , where they meet the McNeils ' friends , of old

Australian stock , who offer to help them get

on their feet .

Collectively , they say , “Don ' t be fooled by

the suburbanlandscape . ' Bill Price , who lives o

n the Lower North Shore and

who seems kindly but a cynic , says , 'Youmust try

to get out of

these inner -city areas . They are dull , uninspiring dormitories .Getyourselves established o

n the North Shore . You can ' t go wrongthere .

Rohini soon comes to understand the Western suburbs /

North Shore ‘divide ' as their new friends encourage them to settle

across the harbor in the leafy suburbs of

the north . She is notconvinced .

Rohini feels at home in these quiet inner -city suburbs and

driving alongGeorge Street at night she finds the vibrant heart of

the sleeping city an impersonal landscape and the night ' s

tranquillity strikes her . The English names of roads in the innercity suburbs , even the occasional kookaburra chortle , is strangelycomforting . Europeans , used a

s they were to a vibrant nightlife in

their cities , would complain how dead Sydney was at night . Therather reserved Austrian couple who live next door sa

y

with

disgust as they talk over the fence , ' If you go

to the city at night

the place is dead .Wemiss the pavement cafes , the night - life in

Vienna .

But Rohini feels otherwise . The sleeping city somehowsoothes her . She is beginning to feel a sharpened awareness o

f

herself in nature and the landscape and her pompous Sri Lankan

self fades away .

On weekends they often visit Circular Quay .Suren and Rohini sit

for hours in the shadow of

the Opera House observing the passing

Time and Chance 207

now

scene or take the ferry across to Manly. Rohini looks back fromthe deck of the ferry and thinks , this ismy city. It energises mewith a

sense of home and of great good fortune. Its shimmering , breathtakingnatural beauty , the shining towers o

f

the metropolis rising out of

the water , exude power and security .

Soon she does not feel like an outsider any more . She

begins to feel at

home and when she reveals this secret to Suren ,

he

teases her that the light and space have gone to her head . Shelaughs ,while Suren says seriously , ' I agree that egalitarianism , andtolerance and freedom in combination ca

n

be identified as the

most fundamental and characteristic Australian values . These are

the values that have facilitated the development and are now

necessary for the maintenance ofamulticultural society . '

The landscape is both strange and familiar to them and the

process of accommodation to it is somehow , to Rohini , an index

of

character . She soon comes to love it , but Suren , though at

peace with his new surroundings , is continually torn between

attachment to thenew and nostalgia for the irrecoverable .Rohinireflects that , in ancestral values and identification , Suren is

emphatically Sri Lankan .

At

first , the ambivalence of her feelings frightens her .

When shemeets strangers she clutches at anyname that indicates

Sri Lankan origins , or , fiercely proud , she sings the praises of themagnificent ruined cities o

r

the serendipitous landscape , whichshe still celebrates deep within her .

However , as events unfold , she becomes wary of

trumpeting the glories of

Sri Lanka and she becomes more

conscious of

the blood and gore and fratricidal kings , the corruptpoliticians of recent years , the eternal communal conflict , andrealises that her national pride has been dented . Here , in heradopted country , life is simple . One can exist at different levels .

Within one ' s self , the struggle goes on , but in real life there is

space and freedom and a guarantee of safety .

There are occasions when she and Suren salve their

consciences and their pride . They declare to themselves and

208 Time and Chance

sometimes to each other and the children that they are better

than the Aussies. 'We have more than 2 ,500 years of historycompared to their puny 200.' They try to draw together theirthreadbare clothes to cover themselves , and feel superior tomembers of this convict nation who are materially rich and

spiritually bereft ... or so they think .On a rational level , however , it never occurs to Rohini to

derive self -esteem from the fact that she was born in Sri Lanka or

that she was raised a Buddhist . But she observes with amazementsome of the characteristics she bears , such as a modicum ofintelligence , an open mind and a willingness to sample anything

new , corrode borders and take her to new territories . To her,

borders are really ideas between age groups, social classes, and all

sorts of

hierarchical entities so that society might function as

decently as possible .

But surely they are not brick walls , though at home in Sri

Lanka those same walls had enclosed her . As the days pass they

discover that prejudice exists but that tolerance appears in equal

measure . Perhaps their experience is softened by

their capacity

to communicate effectively in English . Also , a desire to

overcompensate in the face of prejudice makes them behave three

times aswell as everyone else in the hope that they will not be

stereotyped asmigrants .

There might be residues of national pride in them because

Suren and Rohiniare infuriated by

the common assumption thatthey a

re Indians . Rohini reflects , perhaps we still carry residues of

racism as well .Maybe it is the ancient imprint of the uniqueness of Sri

Lanka in the

national psyche that discounts dependence on India .

In general , they find Australians to be

reserved with each

other in an English sort of way , and maintain a distance with

strangers .But this does not deter them from going out of

their way

to be helpful . The first question is always , 'Where do you come

from ? A few

of

the older people , to whom they are

attracted

because of

their utmost courtesy ,have heard of Ceylon and somehave fond memories o

f being stationed there during the war .

Time and Chance 209

However ,Rohini soon realises that ' ethnic ' and 'new Australianare polite ways of saying 'bloody foreigner '.

Sri Lanka is full of

monuments . They commemorate thepast because th

e

past is fate . In Australia , the past is notimportant . The present does not reaffirm the past but supersedes

and cancels it . Individuals have their own past and a few , likeRohini , would like to break free of the shackles . But Australians

asa nation have no

attachment to the past .When she comes to

understand the plight of

the Aborigines , Rohini becomesconcerned about the general lack o

f

regret for

past crimes against

the indigenous people . She decides that this can be

construed as

shallowness on their part as a group . But being composed as they

are of

diverse cultural groups , she feels that being liberated from

the past gives them great strength and confidence .

Suren and Rohini have sufficient funds to tide them over

fora few

months . Soon they start scanning the newspaperadvertisements fo

r

jobs . Adrian ' s father advises them to try

to get

into the public service as it means security of

tenure and financial

security as well . They sit

for the entrance examination and ,

within amonth orso , they are offered placement in two separate

Commonwealth Government departments .

THIRTY -SEVEN

Tom McNiven welcomes Rohini into the office in a drab

I building in Kent Street . His voice is fruity in a subdued ,unobtrusive way – the educated British accent of ABC

newsreaders that she greatly admires. She is delighted to hear inhis voice the speech rhythms of educated Australia : soft,understated , well-modulated , at times warm and engaging.

Though the work is numbingly boring, as the days pass theirgrowing friendship makes Rohini eager to get to work each morning .Tom provides a gentle introduction to the arcana of the public

service : its ceremonies and hierarchies , its jargon and ambiguities

centred on reams of regulations and convoluted legislation .

A pedant in his mid -thirties , Tom reveals all

the intimate

details of his life to Rohini in the early days of their friendship —

his troubled childhood and growing up

in the shadow ofa

domineering stepfather . His total disrespect for hierarchiesendears him to her .

Their friendship is fuelled bya shared passion for

ideas ,

literature and politics — especially left -wing ideals and Rohini ' s

growing support for

the Labor Party . Tom advises her not to readthe Australian newspaper . 'Damn Murdoch peddling his rightwing ideology ! '

Rohini decides with pleasure that his is the Celt ' s romanticpassion hidden within a middle -class gentility . He has nevertravelled overseas and a woman from Sri Lanka must symbolise

Time and Chance

the exotic to him . Outwardly , there is nothing exotic about her.Rohini dresses formally in tailored suits and attempts to blendwith the office population . She continues to speak with theEnglish accent and idiosyncratic language acquired since

childhood . In these early days , theirs is an uncomplicatedfriendship . They are just friendshappy in each other 's company .

Tom comes in each morning looking rather dispirited , cringing atthe 'horrors' he has to face — the back - stabbing politics , theindomitable hierarchy and tyrannical management . Rohini is notaffected in quite the same way, as the atmosphere is novel . Shegreatly appreciates the lack of deference and the capacity of

Australians , the bosses in particular , to be able to differentiatebetween servility and civility . No more ‘Mrs Ramasamy', 'Madam '(which she despised as symbolic of the ingratiating attitude that

was abroad in her homeland ) or 'yes , sir , no , sir , three bags full ? !

Happily , she tells Suren after her first week at work , ' You know ,

everyone callsme “Rohini ” . The big boss is “ Bob ” , even to the

cleaner or

the lowliest clerk in the office . Isn ' t that amazing ? 'Suren smiles indulgently . This is so refreshing to someone likeher , who comes from a country where patterns o

f

deference and

status dictate social norms .

Tom ,however , casts a pall on hermood . “ I ' ve been working

in this office for

several years . . . more years than I care to

remember . You don ' t see it but this environment is oppressive ,

threatening and uninspiring . '

Pained by

his expression , his look of hopelessness , Rohiniasks ingenuously , 'You a

re

so efficient .Why don ' t they promoteyou ?

“The people at the top are ultra - conservative .My left -wingviews and links with the union do not go down well . '

She tries to cheer him by

talking about her previous life ,

the spacious homes , the servants , and the social round .He listensavidly , attentively . It fascinates him n

o

end .

212 Time and Chance

Rohini thinks a sort of epiphany begins in these early days in thepublic service .Here is a world without context and sh

e

embraces

it with open arms . She does not know whether Tom is middle

class or working class as he claims . She is not sure whether their

Jewish supervisor , who lives in the eastern suburbs but is socially

gauche and wears daggy though expensive clothes , is wealthy or

poor . In Sri Lanka , she could slot a person into a stereotype withinminutes . A person ' s clothes , their name , the way they spokeEnglish o

r their inability to speak English were unintentional

disclosures . In the early days of her working life in Australia ,

despite Tom ' s prompting , no prejudices colour her interactions .

Perhaps her ignorance prevents her from experiencing intimacy ,

but , unlike back in her birthplace , she revels in the fact that shedoes not suffer from comparison with her peers . Long ago , sheindulged in unnecessary turbulent thoughts , forced to feel

inadequate or superior or

hard done by

fate .

Under Tom ' s tutelage , she learns rapidly . Sometimes she observesthe faces in the office — the camaraderie , the hostility whenthere is a selection process on fo

r

promotion to a vacant position ,

the petty jealousy .

Esther , whose attendance becomes erratic , resigns withoutwarning . Unable to find anyone else with the requisite

experience , Tom is reluctantly made the acting supervisor .

Suddenly ,he looks like the Cheshire cat . The dejected scowl is

replaced bya relaxed grin . Rohini is happy for

him .

After his

promotion , Tom enlists Rohini ' s support in thetask of reorganising the office procedures . They set in train some

procedures for social interaction as well . During this brief period ,

she finds that Tom is capable of astonishing acts of kindness and

generosity .Without warning , he will go out and get a bowl of

curry for

lunch that he

insists on sharing with her . He turns up

in

Time and Chance 213

themorning with a delicious cake he has baked and says, 'This isfor the children .'

But when she applies fora promotion , he is lukewarm in

his support . Sadly , she thinks , he fails me in my hour of need , andshe does not speak to him . Doubts about the depth o

f

his

friendship surface , to her intense discomfort . She wonderswhether , on acquaintance , he is beginning to find her depressingly

unexotic .

In the early 80s , with Labor in power , there is change in the air .

Sweeping legislative and workplace reforms are so invigorating

that Rohini happily joins Tom and others of their ilk in

welcoming them . At

first , she witnesses a happy change in Tom .

They are friends again . His spirits lift and he participates with

infectious enthusiasm and revels in the stripped -down efficiency

and competitiveness in theworkplace .

Their area of

service delivery to the socially disadvantaged

draws many university graduates with well -developed , wellarticulated notions o

f

social justice . Tom

observes them as they

crowd the corridors waiting for interviews , as a major selectionprocess gets under way . Dispiritedly , he comments , “This newbreed who benefited from free university education bestowed b

y

the Whitlam Labor Government are not all

full of

altruism .

Articulate and able to convince interviewing panels of

their so -called commitment to social justice , these young people ,

when setto work among the disadvantaged , prove to have little

more than an academic interest in them .

Management keep looking for higher and more recent

qualifications in new recruits . As the days pass , Rohini sees little

of

Tom ,who takes up

a higher position in a different section . Hebecomes engrossed in the

selection processes and changes his

mind about the bright young things he

interviews .

Rohini harbours strong feelings against Tom

for

his

incapacity to see through their superficial veneer . The office

214 Time and Chance

seethes with resentment towards these bright young things , theircapacity to think on their feet, always coming out glibly with theright answers to management , brimming with self -confidence .A ‘them and us'mentality develops and soon the o

ld hands ,

including Rohini , put up

subtle barriers of

non -cooperation .

Rohini wishes she had the opportunity to discuss her

misgivings with Tom as

she did

in the past , but a chasm hasdeveloped between them . The situation becomes critical when

she

applies fora vacancy and finds that Tom is amember of

the

selections panel . Despite his familiarity with her skills and thequality o

fher work performance , he overlooks her demonstratedskills and genuine commitment . The structured , intimidatingatmosphere a

t

the interview and stoney -faced Tom ' s relentlessquestions reduce her into a bumbling idiot quite incapable o

f

sustaining a reasoned argument .

One evening ,noting her despondence , Suren prods her gently as

they sit

outside after dinner , 'How are things in the office ? '

In the gathering darkness , her eyes sting with tears . Shebursts out , I never thought Tom , who knows me so well

and understands that my ingrained cultural affinities makeself -promotion a déclassé act , would discount all this andonly consider my interview performance a

s he

did with the

newcomers . '

Suren seems to be in a reflective mood as he says "You

know , I have come to realise that what is prized in the Australian

workplace is what is termed as being assertive . '

Yes , that ' s a term that is bandied about in the office . In

fact , Tom told me thatmy problem was that I was too ladylike ,

not assertive enough .How dare he !

“ I thought you and he were good friends .Why don ' t youhave it out with him ?

Rohini goes on in a bitter tone , 'He is a total stranger now .

I think Imade amistake when I thought he was a genuine person ,

Time and Chance 215

a decent human being.' She looks at the clear night sky andthinks sadly that this is the end of their friendship .

She says, 'You should see how he prides himself about hissense of so -called impartiality , his treatment of every intervieweeaccording to the se

t

criteria . '

Suren comments dryly , ' It does not seem to include any

cultural considerations . He seems totally unaware ofhis culturalinsensitivity towards you . '

‘Perhaps that ' s his weakness . Anyway , I don ' t care . Selfpromotion was never my best quality . 'Australian management embarks o

na course modelled on Japanese

corporate culture , in which youth and change usurp experience andloyalty a

s sought -after employee attributes . TQM ( Total QualityManagement ) is the buzzphrase bandied about ad nauseam in the

office .Rohini thinks it is unfortunate that Australian management

is applying to the service industry and the public sector a Japanese

corporatemodel based on the manufacturing industry .

As the days pass , the selection process grinds on . It appears

that Tom is collaborating with management , looking for

higher and

more recent qualifications , and other imaginary qualities and skills

in the recruitment of

staff . It is apparent that he has abandoned his

so -called left -leaning idealism ,his sense of humanity and fair play .

He keeps changing the tests given to job applicants . Hepretends , or might genuinely believe that he can lift the art o

f

recruiting above the subjective .

His skills and intellectual capacities are finally

acknowledged and , with the passing of seniority as the main

criteria of promotion , , he rises into the upper echelons , never

pausing to look behind to give Rohini a helping hand . There is an

air

of finality ashe says a brief goodbye .

For several weeks Rohini feels abandoned .With a change

of

fortune , perhaps Tom ' s Celtic romanticism has become infused

with a touch of

realism , and the so -called exotic element in her

216 Time and Chance

no longer interests him . Betrayal might be of no consequence .During brief encounters in the coming months, he appearsbemused by the lack ofwarmth she displays , but she feels too hurtto attempt a reconciliation of their differences. She cannot help

reflecting how , in the early days of their friendship , he was aneconomic and cultural refugee , al

l

artistic and interesting . Helived in rented accommodation and discounted a

ll materialpossessions .Hismetamorphosis is complete when h

e buys himself

a chunk of

real estate . Perhaps his

socialist dream changed when

he

saw most things through the

eyes ofa landowner and the

material trappings he acquired with a high -status job .

While Rohini enjoys participating in introducing revolutionary

reforms in the delivery of

human services , the atmosphere in the

office is murky . Compassion in any form , towards serviceproviders who a

re struggling to deliver services with meagre

resources or even towards disadvantaged clients of services , is not

a fashionable commodity . People like Rohini , who exhibitcompassion and flexibility in their approach , are thought of asrather quaint , and are anathematised a

s 'bleeding hearts ' or 'wets ' ,termsmade fashionable b

y Margaret Thatcher ' s ranting .

Rohini complains to Suren , who is aware of the

developments in her office , 'You know , I am no zealot possessed of

evangelical fervour . I feel a strong bond with the disabled and themarginalised . Does that make me a “bleeding heart liberal ” ? '

Suren says softly , trying hard to lighten her angry mood , 'Justtake it easy .Don ' t wear your heart o

n your sleeve . It doesn ' t help . '

Rohini develops a deep resentment at being labelled a

'bleeding heart 'with all

the inherent connotations of incompetence .

In this climate , Tom is appointed the manager of their section .

Relations between them become increasingly difficult .

She often thinks as she observes him around the office ,

what has happened to his sense ofhumanity and justice ,which he

proclaimed vehemently during their conversations ?

Time and Chance 217

Rapid promotion and absorbing work in a policy area give

Suren a great deal of satisfaction . He is happily confined to asmall, specialised unit and a team of like-minded people.UnlikeRohini , he isnot subject to the harrowing experience of fighting

his way up the ladder. His ambitions are limited and he is notwilling to reach the upper echelons , which could turn into abattlefield of backstabbing politics .

One evening as they do the dishes after dinner ,he declaresvehemently after listening to Rohini's litany of woe, 'I am notinterested in achieving managerial glory . I need to havesomething interesting to do so that we can have enough income

to educate the children .' After a brief pause , during which he goeson stacking the dishes , he looks carefully at Rohini .

To her delight and relief, he says, “I realise we need to startthinking in terms of purchasing our own home but we need to

work towards this gradually .' She turns to look at him ,her face lit

with hope , as he cautions , ' Let' s not rush into any thing just

now .

We can

think later about getting out our small store of

funds in

Sri Lanka ,which we can use as a down payment fora house . '

Rohini thinks that sometimes they are on the same

wavelength .

Rohini had been fearful ofbroaching the subject of buying

a house , as she was not sure of Suren ' s commitment to his new

homeland .Now she is relieved and delighted to know that he

wants to put down roots here .

Adrian rings one morning , announcing his arrival home andgiving them news o

f

Shanti .

He tells them , ' Ihave been offered a post at The AustralianNational University in Canberra . '

'That ' s wonderful , ' says Rohini , even though she worriesthat itmeans that Adrian and Shantiwill not live near them .

He goes on , ' I am seriously considering taking it up as Iwillhave good prospects o

f continuing my research work . ' Shanti has

218 Time and Chance

applied formigration to Australia and will do so as soon as shecompletesher studies .

THIRTY-EIGHT

It is April and the suffocating ,summer heat is coming to an end .TRohini is at home nursing a head cold . She hears the plaintive

cry of the solitary koel in the tall gum tree in the backyard amid

the raucous shrieks of the flock of currawongs who fly

in furious

circles round it . She remembers with a twinge of pain the cry of

the tropical cuckoo , the koha , in the large mango tree in hermother ' s garden heralding the dawn of the New Year . She realiseswith a start that today is indeed the 13th . She sits in the sunroomcaught in a welter o

f

emotions and fragments of

memories , with

the book she was reading sitting idly on her lap.

She closes her streaming eyes , real tears minglingwith thecold - induced ones . She imagines hermother calling out to Podian

to pound the red rice to make the kaludodol , the delicious sweetmade o

f pure kitul honey and rice flour . This was her favourite , for

which Amma was famous among the family . Menika would by

now have selected the best coconuts from the huge pile in the

backyard to prepare the milk rice at

the auspicious time , as well as

to extract the top milk for the sweets .

Rohini thinks of the thin drizzle that sometimes falls at the

death of the old year , dousing the dust before the festivities

heralding the monsoonal rains in the coming months , the aroma

of

rice cakes frying in hot coconut oil wafting through the house .

She can almost smell the warm air rising from the damp earthmingling with the pungent cooking smells .

220 Time and Chance

Itmakes her yearn for yesterday .Menika and Soma do notgo back to their village now fo

r

the New Year . They say thehardship and grinding poverty that they tr

y

hard to alleviate for

those who remain depress them .

Rohini is startled from her reverie by

the ring of

the phone .

Somehow , it sounds ominous and she is unwilling to pick it up .

She lets it ring fora while . Its insistent tone makes her finally

answer it and she hears the calm measured tones of

her brother

in - law

Rohan ' s voice , inquiring about their health and wellbeing .

He rarely rings them so Rohini tries to calm her jangled nerves by

asking , 'How are Amma and Thatha ?

He blurts out , “ This is the reason I rang . I am afraid I have

to give you the news that Amma has cancer . '

“What are you saying ? I spoke to her two weeks ago and she

was perfectly OK . ' Rohini grows hysterical and starts yelling at

Rohan .

He remains calm and collected , as a doctor would ,and tellsher that it was diagnosed only a couple o

f days ago , as she had

hidden it from everyone . Now it is all

too late . The cancer hasmetastasised into her vital organs and her liver and kidneys are

affected beyond repair .

At Rohini ' s fevered suggestions of bringing her over for

treatment , Rohan says nothing can be done . With a great deal of

self -assurance and her firsthand knowledge of the slash - and -burnmethods a

t

the Cancer Hospital in Maharagama ,with its Third

World standards of

care , Amma has extracted a promise from

Thatha that she be

allowed to diea dignified death at home . In

her staid and settled life , in which Thatha handled the mundanedetails , cancer is the only challenge , the only crisis she has had to

confront single -handed . She has risen admirably to the challenge

with all

the panache that she can muster .

Anthony Sorrenti , who has replaced Tom as Rohini ' s boss andwith whom she enjoys a close friendship , is instantly supportive

Time and Chance 221

and offers to take over her workload if she wants to take leave to

go home . Her staff showers her with flowers and sympathy. Surensays to her , ' You had better go before your mother 's days becomeriddled with pain .' Still she hesitates. From frequent telephonecalls , they find out that during bouts of consciousness hermotherkeeps asking for them .At first, Rohini cannot bear the thought of seeing Amma

suffering , knowing nothing can be done . It is as though she isnursing a forlorn hope that she cannot die. At a rational level, shewants to se

e

her alive . Perhaps even now she could make amendsfor the fact that she was sometimes ashamed o

f

her , conscious of

her social gauche , and tell her it does not matter any more .

Rohini repeats to herself , I have outgrown those adolescent

preoccupations and now I love her unreservedly . So when Suren getsher the ticket , assuring her that he and the children willmanage ,

she leaves ,her feet leaden and her heart turned to stone .When Rohini reaches the arrivalhall of the airport in Colombo ,

she sees Malini and Rohan at the barrier dressed in white , the

Buddhist colour of

death . Her heart skips a beat and a sick feeling

grips her in the pit ofher stomach .

Malini weeps as she puts her arms around her , saying ,

‘Amma passed away a few hours ago . Shemay have been in painbut the end was peaceful . ' As Rohini weeps silently , Malini goes

on

as they walk to the car , ‘During her conscious moments these

past few

days , she would recite the Scriptures and appeared to

withdraw from allofus . I am sure she has gone to a good place .

She looks so at peace . ' Rohini has never heard Malini speak so

many words at once . It givesher the chance to be

silent , nursing

her pain . For that , she is grateful .

As they drive through the sleeping city , she looks out with

unseeing eyes , with a mixture of pain and relief that she did not

have to see Amma suffering . Then a terrible regret manacles her

as ifwith bands of steel . She thinks , now I can never tellmymother

that despite everything I always loved her .

222 Time and Chance

The house is ablaze with lights , softly spilling out to the perimeter

of her mother 's garden . Her purple and white latifolia bush isblooming with gusto and the elegant , slender -petalled , ruby-redfrangipani glows in the light by the verandah .Her father clutchesRohini in a desperate embrace , tears streaming down his face ,repeating endlessly , ‘ A partnership of over 45 years has come to anend .' Still upright and in apparent good health , he seemsdiminished , as though he has come to the end of the road , unsureof himself .Menika and Soma weep softlywhile trying to make Rohini

eat and drink .Menika's old remedy of a glass of hot milk as aguarantee of a good night's sleep is all she can manage . The body

is with the undertaker and is due to arrive in themorning to lie in

state for one day . The family photographs and pictures on the wallhave been turned over , as is the custom in a house where deathhas visited . The walls seem to b

e

stained with Rohini ' s grief ,heranguish — her incapacity to articulate her feelings . The house is

forlorn and empty without Amma ' s presence .

Early in the

morning , the hearse drives up to the front door andthe coffin is brought in and placed o

n the carpet in the centre of

the drawing room . The corpse is laid towards the west , as is

customary , perhaps prompted by beliefs that life , in the manner of

the sun , that descends in the west has descended for

ever more .

Rohini and her sister go

out into the garden and pick handfuls of

Amma ' s favourite flowers , including the purple latifolia andfragrant jasmines , which they scatter a

ll

over her white -drapedbody . In keeping with her wishes , little publicity is given to her

death .No broadcasts or the usual rallying of friends and relatives ,

or flags and pandals of

woven young coconut branches , in thedeceased ' s honour .Word of mouth brings the closest friends andher relatives and the cremation is held the nextmorning in their

presence .White -clad mourners enact the sad familiar rituals of

funerals .

Time and Chance 223

Rohini finds she cannot bear the brief embraces andexchanges of helpless looks , the trite , murmured words ofsympathy. She breaks down and weeps fo

r

her mother and for

herself .

When they return home to the empty house , Menika bustlesaround opening a

ll

the doors and windows . Next , she fills thelong -handled incense burner with live coals , sprinkles thepowdered frankincense and , as the smoke rises , she walks briskly

through every room and every space finishing up

at

the entrance .

She carefully places the still -smoking burner on the portico andcomes into the house . The fragrance of the frankincense waftsthrough the house like a benediction .Rohini sits in silence on theverandah with her father ,Rohan andMalini .Her senses fill withchildhood memories and the pain o

f

her loss .

The ashes are collected and scattered at sunset at

Watersmeet ,

where the mighty Kelani Ganga empties its

waters into the Indian

Ocean . After a light , late - afternoon shower , the sky is tranquil

with a drift of

salmon -pink clouds .Rohini sits on the rocking boatand thinks that Amma would have liked it

s

subdued colouring .

This is what she wanted .Not the deposit ofher ashes in themustyfamily vault . Seven days after her death , the almsgiving to 1

0

Buddhist monks and the transference of

merit in the traditional

manner is the final act .

Soon , Rohini is gripped by

an urge to leave this place ,

where her spirit is not at

ease . The loss of a parent cuts off

the

taproot , bringing to an end the flow of

nourishment from the past ,

and she is left floundering , stripped of her self -assurance andconfidence .Her deep anger and angst at what drove them away

resurface , and mingle in the deep dark pit

of

inconsolable grief .

An immense regret that she never revealed her deep love for her

mother mingles with the grief that tears through her . But she is

tired of living in her own head . She needs distraction . She needs

to go home .

VE

224 Time and Chance

Sadness at parting from her father and the premonition

that she might not see him again fills her with a deep

despondency , a dark despair. When the plane takes off , she

fumbles in her handbag and finds the tranquilliser that Suren so

thoughtfully placed there so that she could get some sleep . Thedirect flight to Sydney ensures that her sleep is deep and

sustained ,blotting out the sorrow and her tortured thoughts .

Rohini is wakeful in the early hours and , now eager to gethome to her family , she looks out of the window and feels a sense

of

almost spiritual lift to see

the sun on the waterways of

Sydney

and to know that this is home .

Amazingly , she feels that she is in the process of

an

epiphany .Home is not the place where we are born ,where we areendlessly told o

r

made to feel that we belong . Home is peaceunder clear blue skies and a guarantee and acknowledgment o

f

one ' s worth asa human being . In some ways , they were betrayed

by

their homeland .Members of her family , those labelled " Tamils ' ,

have been denied the privilege of calling the land of their birth

'home ' . They are denied roots and they have to seek to transplanttheir roots elsewhere .

During the next few days , Alok and Vinodhi continue to share

the household chores with Suren so that Rohini can have a

proper rest . But Alok is preparing for the final exams at university

and she is keen that he

maintains the momentum of

his studies .

So

in the few days of

leave left to her , Rohini takes over thehousehold and sets about cleaning out the cupboards andreorganising furniture a

s though she is starting a new life . Surenfindsher on her kneeswith her head in the kitchen cupboard and

startles her . “What on earth are you up

to ? '

She straightens up

and says , ' I have set

everything to rights .

Now I ' m ready to go back to work .

Suren says , 'Have a shower and put your feet up . I ' ll getsome take -away for dinner . '

Time and Chance 225

Soon she is eager to get back to work , to be among friendsand enjoy the intellectual challenges with those who share h

er

ideals .

THIRTY -NINE

IV Jhile Rohiniwas away Suren met an acquaintance from hiscampus days . Sarath is an avid collector of books on Sri

Lanka . On her first weekend home, Suren said , 'I visited Sarathmainly to chat about the old days . After seeing his collection ofbooks , I have been thinking that we should tr

y

to replace the

books we lost . '

Rohini readily agrees , ' It ' s a good idea . There are times

when I think that , if not for

our sakes then for

the children ' s

emotional wellbeing , we have to ensure that they have a sound

knowledge of

their roots . ' She is in a reflective mood . As shewentabout cleaning the house these past fe

w

days , she had time to

think of

the past , and their future in their adopted country .

She goes on , ' I vaguely remember Sarath at Peradeniya .He

should be able to give us some advice on starting a collection . Of

course , both Dadda and Thatha will be happy to make a

contribution from their extensive collections . Thank God , thethugs did not destroy Dadda ' s library . 'Rohini had visited Suren ' s

parents while she was in Colombo .Most of their books were nowpacked into boxes and placed in the spare room in their crowded

apartment . She is sure her father - in -law will be happy to see them

on

a bookshelf again .

On her return to the office , Rohini ' s old boss , BobKennedy , who had moved to take charge o

f

another major

program ,meets her while they are both waiting for the lift.

Time and Chance 227

He commiserates with her about her mother 's death andasks, 'Would you consider a change of scenery ? When she looksat him directly , he goes on , 'In the recent budget, funds wereallocated fo

r

the establishment ofa special unit to further the

access and equity policies of

the Government .We are looking for

someone to head it and Ihave been thinking ofyou . '

She feels a warm glow within and feelings of

affection

intensify . She smiles warmly , ' I appreciate the fact that youremembered me ,but just give me a little time to think about it . '

As

he

disembarks on the next floor , he says , 'Take all the

time you need ' , waves cheerily and ambles away down thecorridor .

Sarath has invited them for

lunch the next weekend . He , likemany S

ri

Lankans , lives out in the west , on the margins of theurban sprawl , as this is the only means of indulging their desire for

a new , preferably two -storey house .

The drive takes them past seedy , cluttered neighbourhoods ,

unit blocks hung with laundry , clear evidence of migrant

occupants . After severalminutes , they come to the more open

spaces where the

new suburbs are sprouting up , destroying the

trees and the remnants of

the bush . Banalresidential architecture

has replaced the old shabby weatherboard houses , the remnants of

which stand out in solitude .

The western suburbs of Sydney are sorely affected in

summer by

the westerlies , a nagging reminder of the great dry

continent beyond .Closer to the sea and in the city , the sea breezewafts in the north -easterlies and the southerlies in winter ,keepingthe temperature on an even keel most o

f

the time . Out in thewest , the suburbs , sedated with a

n awful calm , lie wilting in thesummer sun . People seem to be

marooned in desolate , treelesssuburbia despite the pretentious new houses .

When they arrive at the blond -brick house on

a treeless

street they get

out of

the car

into searing heat . Sarath opens the

228 Time and Chance

door with his wife beside him dressed in a batik kaftan . He leadsthe way out to the back verandah through a d

im hallway and a

modern kitchen with a gleaming white terrazzo floor .

Bob and Raylene , their neighbours , who loudly proclaimtheir love o

f spicy food , join them soon after with their two smallchildren . Initially , they al

lsit dutifully on the chairs in the patio

while Raylene calls out to her children from time to time . CocaCola can in hand , she says ‘Like a drink , darl ? in strident tones .

Bob flops on a reclining outdoor chair , drinking deeply from thecan o

f

beer he

clutches in his hand .Rohini is reminded of John

Updike ' s picture of 'humdrum domestic bliss ' .

Unable to keep up

the desultory conversation with them ,

Suren and Rohiniescape with Sarath and ensconce themselves in

his library . Alok and Vinodhi soon join them going round thewall - to -wall shelves looking a

t

the spines of

the books with

interest . Sarath has an eclectic collection ,which ,Rohini decides ,

reflects his historian ' s discerning eye . She opens a few books at

random and notes with a tinge of envy that some ofthem are first

editions acquired while he still lived in Sri Lanka .

Happily noting the family ' s interest in his collection ,Sarath says , “Suren , I am sure the loss of your collection wouldhave been a bitter blow . ' Suren smiles faintly a

s Sarath goes on , ' Ifyou a

re interested , I can contact the dealers in rare books andquality second -hand books and reprints I have cultivated over theyears . '

Suren readily agrees , ' If you can getme some catalogues I ' d

be grateful .

Rohini adds , 'When I was in Colombo recently both ourfathers offered to contribute books fo

r

our collection . ' She laughs

as she continues , 'Of course ,we need to find a larger house before

starting one .

She feels pleased as they revive their Peradeniya

connection , the strong affinity that still lingers among campus

denizens of

the Fifties . She relaxes for the first time .

Time and Chance 229

nie.

Sarath 'swife , Nalini, produces a lavish meal . She pressesthem to eat as she bustles around serving them .Rohini warms toher, her motherly gestures , her innate kindness , her willingness tonurture , to feed everyone .Rohini's thoughts go to the Sunday lunches of the past as

they drive home in the sultry afternoon . How things havechanged since the days of formal meals with the servants in

starched white , the damask , and the silver.Sadness drifts through her. Thoughts of her mother , her

generosity , the abundance of good food in her childhood home, its

creature comforts ensured by

her mother , who she took forgranted ,brings tears to her eyes . She surreptitiously wipes them a

s

they trickle out below her sunglasses . The summer seems endless .

She longs for cooler weather .

FORTY

ohini takes up her new job

in late May . She receives a warm

N welcome from Bob ,who briefs her and then gives her space to

operate . He declares lightly , ' I have complete confidence in yourcapacity to deliver the desired outcomes for the department as well

as its

clients . The atmosphere in the office , the acceptance

and goodwill , assuages her grief and feelings of desolation as the

days pass .

As

they tidy up

the garden one Saturday afternoon , Surenremarks a

s he

looks up

from the flowerbed heis weeding , 'You

seem pleased with yourself since you took up your new post . '

Rohini , whose thoughts were in her mother ' s garden , turns to

him , ' I can ' t believemy luck at this opportunity to work with Bob . '

However , a few months after shehas settled in , Bob decides

to retire from the public service , leaving her rather bereft .

Nothing stays the same . The impermanence of

life

and the

imperatives of

change are brought home to her once again .

Alok graduates and almost immediately finds a job to hisliking . Vinodhi is enjoying university . There is an even rhythm to

their days now .

One evening , Rohini and Suren sitin the backyard after

dinner . Rohini looks at the starlit sky and says , ' It ' s so peaceful .

Can you imagine this sort of peace in Colombo ?

Time and Chance 231

Suren stretches himself on the armchair and says, 'Perhaps

we should start looking around fora place for ourselves . I ' m sure

there must be enough money fora deposit in our account in

Colombo . ''Let ' s wait till Vinodhi finishes her exams . '

The next week , they receive a letter from Malini giving

them news that distresses Rohini . Their father is getting

increasingly frail and takingmedication for a heart condition .

Suren and Rohini talk about going back to see him aswell as

Suren ' s parents , who , friends report , have become reclusive andmore o

r

less confined to their apartment .

While they make plans to go to Sri

Lanka at the end of

the

year ,when both children can accompany them , they receive newsthat Mr De Silva died in his sleep a

s unobtrusively as he

had

lived .

Initially ,Rohini is immersed in a terrible grief . She feels as

though the deep -rooted feelings of home have been wrenched out

of her with a violence that frightens her . Now she feels only an

urgency to go

back to disband her parents ' household and to see

Suren ' s parents again . There is a sense of finality , of closure . That

chapter ofher life is over .

As

she goes about her

tasks in the office or her householdchores , she thinks , we ca

n

never do away with sadness . It is an

elemental feeling but people are so clumsy at handling it . When

hermother died , she was grateful for

the rituals that followed . Thefuneral ,more subdued and less cluttered than usual , still had theundertones o

f

theminutiae of

grief — the pecking order of

who is

allowed to grieve , ownership of the person who died and so on . In

the

past , in her intemperate way , she usually scorned rituals andswept them aside nonchalantly . Now , with her father dead andshe here in Australia , there are no public rituals that can makeher sadness acceptable in the public realm .

For the first time since the dreadful event that drove themaway from the place they called home , Suren and Rohini go back

to Sri Lanka together with deep feelings of apprehension .

232 Time and Chance

The two sisters begin the sad task of breaking up their childhood

home, each picking up pieces of jewellery and furniture and otheritems, the selection dependant on their sentimental rather thanmonetary value . While they work , they talk about their parents

and their childhood in this house. Every now and then ,Menikaand Soma join them and contribute to their reminiscing . 'BabyHamu, do you remember how we used to go to the park onSunday evenings to listen to the Police Band ? You should se

e

the

park now . There is no one to tend the flowerbeds or mow thegrass . B

y

nightfall all

the louts from the

shanties gather there . So

it is dangerous to go

there any more . 'Rohini looks u

p

from the task at

hand , “That is what

I notice most now . All the roundabouts and public places are

full of

weeds , the pavements and roads cracked and pockmarked . There is

no

one who cares any more about maintaining these places .

Menika , Iwish I could take you with usto Australia . Everywhere ,

even in remote country areas , people are particular about

maintaining the

public spaces . It is the responsibility of the localcouncils . You should see the beautiful flowers ,even in winter . '

The house is to be placed on the market , as neither Malini nor

Rohini are keen to enter into the risky business of

the local rental

scene with its rapacious tenants and endless litigation .Menika

decides to retire to her village and they promise her a pension as

long as

she

lives . Soma will go with Malini to her home .

The two sisters have to deal with a stream of

visitors ,

neighbours and relatives , who arrive to commiserate or

out of

plain curiosity . Some hope to pick up

something of

value , 'Youknow , a little something in remembrance of Aunt Catherine . '

The desire to observe how Malini and Rohini go through theprocess of sharing their parents 'worldly goods — which will laterprovide them with juicy titbits o

f

gossip — no

doubt drives them ,

Time and Chance 233

infuriating Rohini no end . But Malini patiently accommodatestheir silly conversation and plies them with refreshments .

Though a deep sadness overwhelms her, Rohini mechanicallygoes through the rituals and traditional dogma that dictate filialduty . There is hollowness in the ritual of feeding fat, well-fedmonks three months after her father's death , leaving her feelingmore bereft than ever. The notion of religion as a ritual ofcommunity rather than an a

ct of

faith further depresses her . Theconviction that she does not belong here is omnipresent . Surensenses her sadness but says nothing .He remains infinitely patientand supportive o

f

her . She is grateful in an inarticulate way .

What ishome ? The cliché that home is where the heart is

seems so true . She does not feel at ease any more here in hercountry o

f origin or the landscape of

childhood memories . Home

is what lies in wait for her over the seas .

The need to finalise everything , secure closure to her

childhood and youth , drives her to accomplish a great deal ,

leaving Malini to tie up the loose ends . Rohini observes Maliniwith amazement . She seems immensely content with her way o

flife . The intensity o

f

emotion that drives Rohini is not in her .

Rohini envies her , her serene complacency . Sometimes while they

work Malini declares , 'You know , life is not that bad here . Rohanand I are quite content to live out this part of our lives in Kegalle . '

When Rohini looks at her in amazement ,Malini says defiantly ,

'You might consider it a provincial backwater but we have ourcircle o

f

friends and when the children are older and Rohan

retires perhaps wewill come back to Colombo . '

Rohini thinks with wonder that her sister ' s passivity hasturned into a kind of serenity . Amazingly , this causes a blur of

envy .

As they go

about the familiar city , Rohini reluctantly

concedes to herself that she is stuck in the groove of

the 1980s ,

when she left Sri Lanka . So much has happened since their flight

234 Time and Chance

overseas . The civil war that started then has changed society.The country she knew has disappeared . The population hasincreased and that transforms a country in unimaginable ways.People learn new mechanisms for coping . Here I am trying toreinvent a past , once seen with th

e

sharp eyes ofa child and now being

filtered through veils of nostalgia . I might be unconsciously idealising it

into a childhood paradise like most children who observe the world with

a fierce intensity do .

FORTY -ONE

D ohini becomes increasingly reluctant to go anywhere in

T \ Colombo during the day. The snarl of interminable traffic , asvicious as ever — aggressive ill -mannered drivers , blaring horns ,

utter contempt for

road rules — as

she and Suren make their

crawling way to the Fort to attend to numerous official matters ,

makes her stressed and overwhelmed by

the effort required for

even mundane daily activities . It all

adds to the feeling of

oppressiveness , the claustrophobia that envelopsher .

In an effort to push aside her despondency , she looks out at

the passing scene as they ride into the city each morning . Thevestiges o

f colonial architecture , lying abandoned and neglected

in the city , still evoke her admiration . Built by

the British in the

early 20th century these buildings are Gothic in style , built to

house aspirational institutions such as schools and churches , and

classical style for worldly activities like banks , offices and the old

parliament which now lies abandoned after the move to the new

capital . The stained stucco bears the marks of age and neglect .

Now more than ever with her parents gone , she feels thatthe past lies under their symbolic graves — buried . But she cannotdiscount the events , even the holocaust that left a mark . Thememory of

these moments keeps their values alive . Characterconsolidates by

commemorating moments of

value in oneself .

Whatever else , she remembers moments in her childhood , herinheritance from those who taught her and those who cared for

236 Time and Chance

her, such as Menika and Soma ,who even now are simply glad to

see them .Australia is the New World . She thinks that asmuch a

s she loves

the place , it cannot make her give up

her upbringing , her past

with all

its

rich cultural references . She was forced into exile and

the beauty of Sydney bedazzles her ; but her birthplace has

remained part of

her , acquired through experience , time and love .

Perhaps to Australians , she will always be an outsider , howevermuch she absorbs the social codes , and this leaves her vulnerableand bereft in lots o

f

secret ways .

Towards the end of

their stay , Suren and Rohini decide to get

away from Colombo fora few days . They are tired of the endless

confusion , the

squalor , and poverty -stricken faces on the streets ,

the political farce being played out endlessly and the promise of

false dawns on the nation ' s horizon . Relatives , sycophants , friends

of

friends all demanding appeasement , return of real or imaginary

favours — it is all

too difficult . The depressing politics and thestories o

f

the Government extracting scarce funds from banks to

maintain the façade of governance and fight a vicious enemy

depress them .

One night in bed , Suren says , 'Perhaps our eyes have beenconditioned b

y

our desires , our aspirations to observe a very

different world . I do not know this world any more — nothing is

familiar and I am not at ease in it . '

Rohini readily agrees and thinks , once again , that she is

the unsympathetic , ill -informed outsider looking in .

There remain a scattering of

sincere friends who make

them welcome . One of them says wistfully , 'Please keep comingback as long aswe are

alive . Don ' t abandon us . '

Still they say the war must go

on for how else willemployment be found fo

r

the restive youth ?Who will finance the

Time and Chance 237

building ofmonstrosities that crowd the gardens of the city or fill

the deep pockets of strutting politicians and their entourages , payfor

their limousines , their delusions of grandeur ?

Suren and Rohini arrive in Kandy hoping for a short reprieve .

The traffic chaos , the crowds , the humid heat from the plains

follows them to the hills . Along the highway , the scatteredcarcasses o

f

vans and trucks ,which speed recklessly on the narrowroads heedless o

f

road rules and the human cargo they transport ,

mar the landscape .

Suren lies in bed reading under the whirring fan in their

hotel room while Rohini sits on the balcony outside . The overcastskies and the haze ( is it pollution ? ) over the wooded hills poised

above the town , the raucous quarrelsome crows and the endless

clatter of

traffic round the lake , jars the tranquillity she tries hard

to recapture . Dispirited , she goes in and lies on the bed beside a

drowsy Suren , unwilling to talk about her endlessdisappointments .What do I expect to find ? Why d

o I keep comingback ?

In the hotel lounge that evening , a friend of an old acquaintance

sits talking to them while they sip a cold drink before dinner .Hedemonstrates his patriotic spirit while talking in boastful tones

about the World Heritage -listed Cultural Triangle up

north and

the tourist facilities that have sprouted up

in the past few years .

‘ I understand your disappointment with the state of

affairs in

Kandy . You should go

to the

northern cultural area . I am sure youwill be impressed with the new hotel at Kandalama nearDambulla designed by

Geoffrey Bawa . '

Suren and Rohini are interested enough to get detailed

directions ,which they transmit to their driver early thenext day .

238 Time and Chance

Flanking the road are flamboyante trees . The bell-shaped scarletorange sprays tug at Rohini 's heart , evoking other drives andfamily holidays when she would be delighted with the unfolding

vista. She remembers being happy then .Sadly, she thinks that it is the country ofher parents that

means childhood to her — the country of their aspirations andhopes for the future, their fervent belief in the glory that was thepast, that it would be fulfilled again with freedom for its people ,

but then their acute disappointment in their last days . As shetravels along familiar roads she realises how much she still loves

the places of childhood .

As they drive in the midday heat , Rohini notices the

bunches of king coconuts , the ran thambili , heaped on

the ground

outside amodest house . She sees aman husking a coconut on theverandah . She thinks how refreshing a drink of coconut water

would be right now , as Suren asks , 'How about stopping fora

drink ?

The driver stops the car and Suren hands him somemoney .

Suren and Rohini get out and stretch . The driver walks into thelittle garden and buys some golden young coconuts . Rohinicomplains , ' I am clumsy . I find it difficult to tip the coconut waterinto my mouth . ' The driver speaks to th

e

stall -owner , whosullenly thrusts some straws into the driver ' s hand . Rohininoteshis offhand manner with dismay . The famous ran thambili water is

sweet and refreshing . Rohini gratefully sips the refreshing liquidthrough a straw and feels instantly rejuvenated .

She observes , 'These people make no

effort to sell their

wares . Just look at thatman ' s take - it - or - leave - it attitude . '

The driver says , 'Madam , these days people are resentful of

thosewho speak English and go

about in vehicles with air - con. '

Suren adds sadly , ' The days of rural courtesy are long gone . '

As they drive , on Rohini glances at Suren beside her . Heseems to have dozed off . She feels ineffably sad , as thoughsomething precious is lost forever .What is it that Imiss ? She tries

to sort out her confused thoughts . Perhaps it is the evocation of

Time and Chance 239

the domain ofmemory peopled by her parents; the wonderfully

peaceful place of loved teachers , affectionate servants ,warm andgenerous cousins and friends , the childhood world that hasdisappeared forever. On reflection , itwas an idyllic childhood ; its

protective barriers provided safety , security and comfort .

While she lives her comfortable well -ordered life

in

Australia , she has learnt to keep the happy memories of the land

of

her birth in a separate mental compartment .Now it all

comes

tumbling out . As they continue their journey , the sight of thefamiliar land reminds her o

fbetter times .

The pain that accompanies the flickering ofmemory isdull

but insistent . How can she forget the hideous experience of

hatred that drove them away ? Their Australian life

might be

ambiguous , their right to be Australian unacknowledged , but they

know what happened to them ,what they hold in our minds .Willthis period o

f

troubled history lapse into oblivion ?Who will writeabout extinguished lives , o

f

the places where murder most foul

was committed , the cries of agony thatwillnever be heard ?

Suren wakes up

as they bump along a dusty path thatbranches off

themain road heading north . Suren and Rohini look around witheager interest as they a

re driven towards the elegant black andgrey and white hotel that blends into a cluster o

f ancient rocks

and rocky outcrops . Beyond is the endless emerald vegetation andthe blue unruffled waters o

f

the Kandalama Tank , a third -centurylake . They are both impressed with the tranquillity o

f

the green

and blue vista while Sigiriya broods on the horizon .

Rohini stands on the open balcony and thinks that she

returned to Sri Lanka with a chip on her shoulder . Her innate

sense of right and wrong made her think that itwas treacherous to

dislike the country of one ' s birth , but , in Colombo , as soon as she

stepped out of

the house and mingled with the mean crowds

jostling each other roughly and rudely , the nouveau richeflaunting their riches , the traffic chaos , she cringed within herself .

240 Time and Chance

She remembers with anger the cluttered city where rapacious

developers have taken over the sweeping lawns of gracious homes

to builed confronting two - or three -storied houses on pocket -sizebits of land with no shawl of trees or manicured lawn to soften

their garish contours .She sees Suren coming towards her down the long passage .

They linger awhile together. ' Isn ' t this so serene ? he murmurs ,his

arm round her shoulders . ' I ' ve ordered lunch . Let ' s go . ' Here in

Kandalama , for a few brief moments , faith in her people , theirtalent for elegance and their creative genius , is restored .

After a restful night , they drive north until , apprehensively , they reach Anuradhapura , the ancient holy city thathas survived many terrible attacks b

ythe Liberation Tigers o

f

Tamil Eelam (LTTE ) ,who are bent on destroying the heartland of

the Sinhalese . The atmosphere in the

town is tense . The centralmonuments a

re as Rohini remembers them — awesome and

majestic — but the sight of groups of gipsiesmilling around at the

entrances makes her reluctant to out of

the vehicle .

Bemused by

the sheer numbers , she asks the driver , 'Howcan there b

e

so many of

them around these days ? '

He shakes his head , ' I don ' t know ,Madam . '

This new world is so full of

conundrums .Rohini has vague

recollections of these gipsies , the ahukuntakayas , the eternally

homeless , rootless driftersmoving from town to town , their worldlygoods piled o

n ragged donkeys , setting up

for

one night only on thefringe o

f town , leaving in the misty dawn after dousing their

cooking fires . She remembers the wisps of smoke and Menika ' s

stories of

how these people were fated never to settle down in one

place . In the

past , she never saw them moving freely among thepopulace . Now she wonders what has caused the increase in the

numbers of

these people and their bold presence in public places .

They return to Colombo , driving south to pick up

the coastal

route that takes them past the cobalt -blue sea and palm -fringed

Time and Chance 241

n e

beaches. The effects of global warming are clearly evident . A massof stones has been piled up to hold back the raging waters at high

tide , but the sand keeps slowly slipping into the sea underneaththe stones.When they stop to give the driver a break , Suren andRohini walk to the water's edge . They do not venture too fa

r

when they find little piles of human excrement scattered on the

sand . Rohini ' smood sours and she reflects with brutal clarity on

the degradation of

the social and political fabric , of life in theshanties o

f

the fisherfolk lining the sand , the lack of

basic

facilities that forces them to use the golden sands asa public

toilet .

When Suren andRohini return to Colombo they have the

house to themselves . Malini and Rohan have gone back to

Kegalle and will return to take them to the airport . There is an air

of

desolation about her parents ' home ; even the garden looksabandoned , the grass grown wild .Menika and Soma urge them to

stay on , but Suren , sensing Rohini ' s change of mood , decides to

spend the last few days with his parents .

Rohini thinks she must see a few

old friends before they

leave . She contacts Srima , who readily invites her to lunch thenext Saturday . Suren has some errands to run , so she goes outalone in a taxi to a suburb o

n the margins of

the

city . She arrives

at

the

well -remembered old

house set

in a leafy garden to find

Srima seated on the verandah reading .Her husband and son are

overseas so they have the house to themselves .Rohini thinks howlittle her serene friend has changed . She seems unfazed b

y

the

recent tumultuous events that have convulsed the country . After

an exchange of news , Srima says , “ I remember you used to pick up

various nuances that escaped most ofus . But now you have been

away too long . You can ' t imagine how the country has changed ;

for the worse , Imight add . '

Rohini realises that her impressions of the country might

not be authentic . Perhaps she should keep her thoughts to herself .

So she says mildly , " Yes , I agree with you .My impressions arearrested in time . The country we left in the Eighties is in many

242 Time and Chance

respects unrecognisable today. Somy knowledge is limited , like all

translations are . I don ' t think I have any right to make comments

about what I see now . '

Srima goes on , 'There is something else that is far worse .

We Sri Lankans like to boast about our 2 ,500 years of civilisation .

But there is very little civility in this place any more . There is

nothing called good manners .Most people are quite incapable of

being civil to one another . 'Rohini remains silent . She does notwant to express her

real reservations , even to old friends . She feels a deep reluctance

to enter the thicket of

mirrors that reflects the deep factionalism

and divisions of society — the internecine wars between the

goigama caste and the rest , the Up -Country -Low -Country divideand , in recent times , the racial divide . She does not want to add

to the despondency of people who are trapped in this place .

FORTY -TWO

ne evening Suren and Rohini go for a walk on Galle FaceGreen . It rained in th

e

afternoon and the roads have been

washed clean . The dust on the sparse grass had been dampenedand the breeze blowing in from the heaving ,monsoonal sea is

refreshing .A few

children fly

ragged kites on the green , whisperinglovers shelter behind open umbrellas that provide a

n ephemeral

privacy , hawkers call out their wares – all

reminiscent of

childhood days when an outing to Galle Face was a special treat

culminating in an illicit ice-cream wheedled out of

Sirisena on

the way home .

Suren and Rohini leave the footpath and wander to theedge o

f the embankment hoping to walk along the beach , butsoon step back aghast a

t

the sight below . The water that spills intothe sea from the pipeline coming from the polluted Beira Lake is

poisonously blue - green , an incredible colour indicating thepresence o

f

chemical contamination . A few fish float belly - up

on

the waves that splash on the mango -peel and pineapple skin

littered sand .

Rohini had been recalling memories of

her stately

promenades with Menika in tow

while she awaited Alok ’ s birth .

Suren had been laughing out loud .Now themood sours for

both

of

them and anger grips them at this obvious and unconscionable

pollution of

the ocean .

244 Time and Chance

Rohini wails , 'Does anyone notice what 's going on ? Doesanyone care ?' Dispirited and angry, they dash home to Suren 'sparents' flat and give vent to their dismal thoughts .Mr Ramasamylistens carefully and says soothingly , 'Ecological concerns are theleast of these corrupt politicians' worries . The environment isoutside their radar.'

Suren 's parents are excited at the prospect of visiting Suren andRohini in Sydney . Animated conversations about Australia takeplace at the dinner table and there is laughter at the recounting of

their Australian experiences . Suren 's parents have settled into arelaxed existence in their spacious flat overlooking the ocean in

Colpetty . Their old

retainer , John , still looks after their householdneeds , shopping and cooking their meals and keeping the flat tidy .

One night an old colleague ofMr Ramasamy , Fred De

Saram , and his wife , Dorothy , join them for dinner . Fred and his

elegant wife Dorothy are heirs to a liberal humanist tradition ,

with Dutch and English ancestry , to whom the life of themind is

all .Rohini delights in the company of

these civilised people .Fred seems quietly exasperated with his children , who live

abroad . These expatriates seem to think that they can

advise us

what we should do

about a wide range of things . You know ,when

Gerard and Wendy were here recently they were critical of

everything and I am afraid I lost my temper with them many

a time . '

Mr Ramasamy , as usual , does not respond immediately ,

perhaps conscious of

the others ' expatriate sensibilities .

Rohini reflects on the concept of

the expatriate , theattitudes she has encountered in which expats are viewed a

s

traitors and are the target ofa huge ulcerating resentment , a pent

up

anger , pin -pricking the Sri Lankan pomposity , their huge egos

and inflated sense of superiority . She is confident that such

feelings do not linger in Dadda or Fred ,who appear to her , despite

their age and the limited ambience in which they live now , to be

Time and Chance 245

the epitome of world citizens with cultured outlooks and expansive

minds ; renaissance men from an era long gone .

Mr Ramasamy settles into his armchair before declaring ,

‘Don ' t you think the concept of the expatriate is becoming

redundant with massmovements of people — people dispersed all

over the globe by

violent eruptions in their homelands or

those

who leave by

choice , seeking greater freedoms elsewhere ? Besidesrefugees there is now this high rate o

fmobility , the tidal drift of

professionals who cross bordersworking for

global companies . '

Suren adds , ' I agree with Dadda . I think we are witnessing a

historical development . For instance ,we do not feel that we areexpats just because we are labelled so b

ya few

mean -spirited

people who choose to stay close to home . Technically , we areexpats , but the label is used , especially here in Colombo , as a

pejorative term . Don ' t get me wrong ,Mr De Saram . I am notincluding you in this group . I realise you called your childrenexpats out of habit , and common usage .

Rohini cannot help herself . She says , “Very soon nobody

will think this way . As the world opens up

there will be freemovement and people will come and g

o

as they like and old

attachments will crumble and become irrelevant .

After a while , Suren continues , ' I have been thinking of

what ' s happening in Australia right now . Unfortunately , thehypocritical reality o

fa globalised world , in which capital is

mobile , privileged professionals aremobile but people are not , is

something ofa source of

irritation tome . 'When the others look

at

him , he goes on , ‘Those who lead impoverished lives in their

wretched birthplaces are shut out from affluent countries . But

that ' s another matter altogether — an unpleasant reality we

have

to face back home with the refugees knocking on our door . '

Rohini smiles secretly , quietly delighted that he referred to

Australia as home perhaps for

the first time in her hearing . Shemarvels that he did so quite naturally .

Mr De Saram graciously agrees with what they have beensaying ,with a thoughtful look o

n his face . ' I think all of you are

246 Time and Chance

CICO.

right. Living in this closed society ,we tend to look inwards and

fill

ourselves with resentment . 'He laughs ruefully , ‘There is littleelse to fill our minds these days — hardly any intellectual

stimulation .We try

hard to shut out the bleak realities ofpolitics

and life in general . So we go

round and round , ruminating overtrivialities . '

He pauses and smiles with a hint ofan apology , his eyes

crinkling in kindliness , ‘Anyway , I am glad wehad this discussion .

Ithelpsme to sortmy thoughts out .

They get up to leave close on midnight .Rohini looks at herfather - in - la

w

and his friend — tall , grey , civilised . She thinks of

the crass , loud -mouthed youths , the new breed of business

executives , the future leaders of society , who mill around bars in

five -star hotels or

drive recklessly in the lawless streets of

Colombo . Inwardly , she mourns the imminent passing of theserenaissance men who brought civility to the world . Later , as shetosses in bed full o

f

restless thoughts , she wonders , like us , whatcontribution have these so -called elite people made to th

e

future

development of

our country of birth ?

They are intellectuals who have been sidelined , who

cannot engage with the public ormediate between the world of

ideas and the real world .Whose fault is it ?Where does the blame

lie for

this wanton waste of

intellectual capital ? Partisanship and

opinion have replaced public dialogue ,which gives intellectuals a

forum for airing their ideas .

The last few days of

their visit end in a blur of red tape , the

greasing of

numerous palms organising shipping for the few items

of

furniture and books , securing visas for

Suren ' s parents andbooking flights . Rohini observes with dismay that they fall easily

into the trap of

the unwary , their conversations laced with sourgripes about bureaucratic tangles , corrupt and uncouth politicianswho permit them to thrive . Here lif

eis becoming shallow , cruel

and vicious for

many people . Immorality has spread like a virus ,

Time and Chance 247

infecting the well-to -do and the poor alike . With decencyshredded , the negative ambience widens the gap between themand this place which they used to call home .

Now that their six-month visitors ' visas are approved , Suren ' s

parents decide to visit later in the year . The urgency to get home ,

to be where their spirits are at

ease , drives Suren and Rohini in

the last few days . Even Suren expresses his

need to go

home . The

rituals after Rohinis ' parent ' s deaths have opened a window and

she is able to feel forgiveness towards those evil forces that drove

them away .Now all that viciousness does not seem to matter any

more .

Rohinimuses as she goes about packing their belongings :

I have another life , my work and my family , and we are about to

acquire our own home .We are

free of

the snobbery , the name -dropping

so typical of

Colombo society and indeed high society elsewhere . Wehave a choice now . There is n

o obligation , social or official , to

participate in high society anymore . The setting down ofnew roots hasbegun .

However , in the days that follow , she starts to think a great

deal about place and displacement , trying to assuage a deep

feeling of

loss . At a rational level , she realises that they are exiles .

She remembers how she looks with envious eyes at old

Australians who seem to have a home and a place . No doubtthere is in them a

n instinctive bigotry , but also a deep sense of

belonging , infused with a straightforward humanity . She neverfelt like a

n exile , though she dares not publicly acknowledge thatshe feels a

t home in Australia . This sense of belonging that shefeels deep within her mingles with a

n awkward incapacity to

articulate these feelings in public .

It is a painful secret . There is an element of evasion andambivalence in her that runs counter to her naturalforthrightness . She thinks , I am never confident o

f what to call

myself when on foreign travels or where to say I am from when asked

248 Time and Chance

by strangers . When I say , 'I'm from Australia', I get the inevitablequizzical look or th

e

insistent question , ‘But where are you originally

from ? '

What is it about Sri Lankans who so easily renounce their

heritage ? Gujeratis , Bengalis , Sikhs and all

the other diverse

ethnic groups who form the Indian diaspora firmly claim ,whenchallenged , that they are first and forever Indian . In the company

of

fellow countrymen , Rohini does not say anything . She skirtsaround the notion o

f disloyalty that is bound to be placed on her

by

the so -called patriots they meet in Sydney . The hearty greeting

in Sinhalese , ‘Kohomada ? What news from the gama ? ' ,makes herrecoil and she is tongue -tied .

Rohini reflects , I still live on the

margins of

a perplexing

bicultural universe and I shuttle unwillingly between a range of

expectations and assumptions , Suren ' s and mine . Suren is still drawn

to the expatriate community though heis reluctant to bea part of

their organised activities . Sometimes Rohini is conscious of theinvisible walls hismind -set has erected around their home to keep

Australian influences at bay . On rare occasions , he admonishes

Vinodhi to 'behave like a Sri Lankan ’ ; but he never says anything

to Alok .

Perhaps he

feels more at

ease with his daughter and thinks

it ' s a father ' s duty to keep his daughter safe . There are still timeswhen he appears to b

e

absorbed with trying to continue history

and with trying to explain and duplicate the past .

On the plane home , she is restless and sleep does not come easily .

She continues to wallow in these disquieting thoughts while

Suren sleeps peacefully beside her . The catastrophe placed her on

a journey to somewhere new . It gave her the chance to escape ,

which she

had longed for

all

the years she lived in Sri Lanka .

Australia offered her space for

personal growth — not the sort of

Time and Chance 249

stifling, restricting support that fettered her in Sri Lanka . Thespirit of S

ri

Lanka that had once appealed to her was itsmulti

ethnic character , its spirit of tolerance and humanity ,which was

so viciously and senselessly destroyed in 1983 .

Here she is still agonising and struggling for

her children ,

but now there is profound meaning in her life , though she is stillaspiring to some sense of completeness . Here , at last , in Sydney ,

she feels connected to the landscape , to the people ofmany races ,

the trees and flowering plants growing so well in her garden . So

why does she feel bereft at unguarded moments ?

FORTY- THREE

Rohini arrives back at the office to find Bob 's replacement wellsettled in . A reserved , intense woman in her mid -forties, Bronwyn

Lee invites Rohini into her office fora chat . There is an invisible

barrier between them that is clearly established at

this first

meeting . Itwill never be breached .

Afterwards , Rohini feels confident that Bronwyn is

eminently well informed , competent and fair , though patentlylacking in warmth . But Bronwyn has a professional manner thatconvinces Rohini that she will have no problems in her dealingswith her .

Rohini ' s immediate boss , Tessa , is someone she befriendedearlier as they grappled with the incorporation o

f

multicultural

issues in the implementation of various pieces of

legislation .

Economic rationalism has begun seeping into what is

euphemistically referred to as human resource management . The

tyrannical era of performance indicators has begun . Soon Rohini

becomes a victim of imagined transgressions . The other equally

odious ‘isms ' , managerialism and corporatism , join forces witheconomic rationalism and make their working lives miserable ,

destroying the very humanity of

so -called friends like Tessa , whoare held hostage by

these forces .

In the midst of

all these changes , Rohini finds working

with Bronwyn a curiously exhilarating experience . Despite herlack o

f

warmth and overt emotion , they soon develop an easy

Time and Chance 251

relationship ofmutual respect . Bronwyn unconsciously becomesRohini 'smentor ; notmerely a teacher, but someone who changesher at a more profound level. She helps Rohini to develop amultidisciplinary approach to work and to life in general. She hasan immense capacity fo

r

communicating complex ideas in a

simple , mainstream way that makes sense . Eventually , shesucceeds in turning al

l

notions of stultifying bureaucracy on its

head , not only for

Rohini but for

the clients of the

department .

Rohini manages to maintain her sanity at this time as her

relationship with Suren has reached a level of equanimity . It is a

shimmering spring afternoon with fair blue skies and a clear view

of

the

BlueMountains in the far

distance .Rohini sits in her officeoverlooking Darling Harbour and muses about how they now

share the adventure of setting down roots in the land they have

all come to love with a passion , even Suren , in a half -hearted ,

ambiguousway .

Vinodhi goes house -huntingwith them most weekends and

shares their interest in the gracious houses of

the Victorian and

Federation eras in the inner -city . Even in this urbanised city , thereare remnants of gracious dwellings from a bygone era .

They doggedly seek a house that retains its original features

and that has not suffered ugly renovations at

the hands of

migrants from other periods of history who congregated in this

region . It takes them severalmonths of concerted effort , leavingRohini little time to mull over the unhappy daily events in theoffice .

She reflects soberly that the very experience of uprooting ,

disjuncture and dislocation caused by

catastrophe , and now a slow

metamorphosis , is part of themigrant experience . But shemarvels

at the quietude and space their lifestyle affords them to resolve

these issues despite the daily travails at the office and now the

task of

house -hunting . Sydney is a world -class metropolis , a

perennially modern city that welcomes citizens of

the world . No

Time and Chance

doubt from time to time they will have to sort out the problem ofhybridisation and, in the process , reconcile the o

ld and the new ,

but her spirit is at ease asnever before and she is glad to have the

freedom to grow at her own pace and finally breach the walls of

silence created by

themanners and rules of conformity in the land

of

her birth .

The Victorian ,heritage - listed house they purchase has casementwindows reminiscent o

f

those in Rohini ' s childhood home and in

the house that was destroyed in the inferno . Its gracious spaces arethe ideal setting fo

r

the pieces of furniture they brought with

them to Australia . As a family , they walk through the housebefore the final decision . Alok and Vinodhi g

o through the

passage to the back yard . Light streams into the house as they

open the back door . 'Dad , Mum , come outside , ' they sing out .

Rohini and Suren smile at each other . They goout to the leafy

garden filled with birdsong , as Vinodhi exclaims , ' I love thisgarden !

Soon after they move in , they set

about researching the house ' sorigins in the local library and council records so that they can

restore the elegant fireplaces and moulded ceilings and achieve

the sense of wellbeing that would have existed within its

walls

when it was in its prime . Rohini tells Suren , who agrees , 'We are

not heritage purists . We should add a contemporary layer with a

new kitchen . When the plans are drawn up , she pleads with

Suren ,who wants to make a clean sweep , 'Let ' skeep the

scrubbed

pine table that was in the kitchen when we bought it . I ' ve gotattached to it . ' Their new kitchen , with its

Tasmanian oak

cupboards and granite benchtops , is an attempt to maintain theintegrity of

the architecture of

the old

house .

In a few

months , the vestibule and the entrance hall fill

with the easterly sun , the leadlight windows restored , and the

Time and Chance 253

grand old marble fireplaces in the lounge room and bedrooms

standing proud once again . The high ceilings , with plasterarabesques , leisurely loops and cursives , ar

e

freshly painted . Thepine floorboards a

re polished and a runner of soft , faded reds

covers the length of

the passage . The deep bay windows in theliving room and in the bedrooms le

t

the light in through sheer

curtains .

One bright Sunday morning , Rohiniwakes up before theothers and walks into the kitchen . Sunlight streams in . She sitsthere with a cup o

f

tea beside her and muses : everything in their

new home is luminous and fills her heart with gladness for

the

opportunity of

rebirth .

When they first inspected the house , it was empty . Its

spaciousness has now been transformed into cosiness , filled withfamily heirlooms and loved books . On weekends , when Rohinidusts and polishes , sh

e

thinks of the loving hands of

the hired

help of

the Victorian lady of

the house , their aching muscles andlumbering cleaning equipment .

Gradually , on her earlymorningwalks ,Rohini comes to know the

neighbourhood enough to feel at

ease . After a few

weeks , shenotes that their neighbours d

o not stare at

them any more .

Friendly ‘Good mornings ' greet her .

Rohini imagines their thoughts with amusement as she

walks . They acknowledge the Asian woman and her tall husband ,

who work at

some government office . They have seen theoccasional Commonwealth car parked outside their home . Their

son

visits on Sundays and the daughter flits in and out . They have

a nice house and a nice garden . They are neighbourly and lawabiding .

The older ones stop to speak to herwhile the others nod in

her direction or utter greetings when she passes them on herwalk .

The gift of acknowledgment lifts her spirit and she feels a surge of

goodwill towards her little community .

254 Time and Chance

On a bright spring morning ,Rohini showers and dresses for a dayat the office . She goes into the kitchen and finds Alok standing atthe breakfast table hurriedly gulping down a piece of toast .Rohinioffers to make some scrambled eggs . He wails , Mum , I'm late.I can 'twait !'

With a quick intake of breath ,Rohini says , 'You should tellme what colour you would like for the walls in your room . Dadand Ihave to decide on the colours before we speak to the painterrecommended by Adrian 's parents .'

Reluctantly , Alok sits at the table with his coffee , a seriouslook on his face . “Mum , Imeant to talk to you both about this butthere never was a proper time these last fe

w

weeks . I don ' t knowwhat Dad will say , but I have decided to move out into myapartment . Iwill be able to service the loan if I get Alan to share

it and contribute some rent . Do you think Dad willmind if I leftnow ? Iknow how h

e

feels about the family being together . 'Impulsively , Rohini declares , ‘Alok , Dad and I have no

right to expect you both to stay with us

forever . It ' s just that afterwhat happened h

e

feels insecure if we are not together . I willspeak to him . It ' s time you had a life of your own . '

As

they sit

in the train on the way to work , Suren is

tongue -tied and hurt when Rohini tells him of

Alok ' s decision .

Rohini glances at his sad face . She talks to him soothingly in low

tones . 'He is not a boy anymore . Heneeds space to grow . '

After some persuasion , Suren agrees reluctantly that it is

time for Alok to spread his wings .

With their blessing , Alok sets up

house with his friend

Alan in an apartment in the city that he bought some time ago as

an investment . Most weekends he and Alan call round fora meal

after helping Suren with the clearing of

the garden or assisting in

one of themany restoration tasks that Suren has decided to do by

hand .

Time and Chance 255

One Saturday,Rohini goes for her morning walk , feeling at

home in the neighbourhood . The exchange of friendly greetingsduring brief encounters has helped them become accustomed to

the faces in their street . Rohini has begun to feel a sense ofconnection when she ventures to stop on her daily walks to speak

to Tina or John or to Vera, the old Macedonian lady who livesalone in a large Federation house further up the street . She seesVera out in the garden pruning her roses . Vera looks up, smiles atRohini , 'Good Morning , love ,' and offers her a fe

w

roses that she

has cut from the climbing rose on her front wall .

As she walks away after exchanging a few words Rohinithinks how , in Sri Lanka , neighbourliness engendered a full - on

expression of goodwill , an invasion of one ' s privacy that had

irritated her no end . Here , despite the obvious goodwill , one ' s

sense of personal space is never breached and she has a strong

feeling that they belong to a community .

FORTY-FOUR

few weeks before Christmas , after a frenzy of house cleaning ,Rohini lies in bed reading, trying to coax herself to sleep .

They have an early start in the morning to get

to the airport to

meet Suren ' s parents , who are arriving fora six -month holiday .

She says to a drowsy Suren , who is lying relaxed with his eyesclosed , ' I ' m glad the summer heat is still not with u

s . I wantAmma and Dadda to have a good holiday . '

Suren mumbles , ‘Don ' t worry , they are used to the Colomboheat ' , as he drifts off to sleep .

Rohini and Suren take a few days leave and happily do

many things together as a family . On weekends , they entertainthe fe

w

old friends whose company they still enjoy and Suren ' s

father ishis old self ,offering penetrating insights and entertainingthem a

ll

with his dry wit . Mrs Ramasamy is no more the feisty

woman that Rohini knew during the early years . The events of

1983 have left

an indelible mark . Still well -groomed and well

dressed , ever the Colombo matron , she is now subdued and

willing to go with the flow . The friction Rohini was accustomed

to has all

but disappeared .

It is a week before Christmas . Suren ' s parents join them on their

shopping trips and Mrs Ramasamy goes round selecting theingredients fo

r

the Christmas cake . Thinking of

the food

Time and Chance 257

shortages in Colombo , she exclaims , 'Look at these juicy sultanas !How cheap the cherries are !'Rohini and Suren 's mother return home and si

t

in the

sunny kitchen chopping the fruit . Rohini says , 'Wehave invitedAdrian and his parents fo

r

Christmas lunch , as well as a few of thechildren ' s friends . 'Mrs Ramasamy looks u

p

and assumes the mantle of the

accomplished hostess . 'Let ' s make a traditional Sri

Lankan

Christmas lunch .

Rohini feels marginally resentful at being told what to do

but decides to pretend it was her idea all along . She had been

thinking ofa light meal , perhaps a barbecue , now she has to shop

for the turkey , the ham , the trimmings and prepare a traditionalpudding a

s well . She protests mildly , ‘Amma , if it is a hot day a

baked lunch might be too much . . . '

Her voice trails away as Mrs Ramasamy says firmly , “We

will have Adrian and his parents here .What will they think ifwedon ' t serve a proper lunch ? '

Rohini lapses into silence . There is a hint of reprimand andRohini does not like it .

On Christmas Eve Rohini andMrs Ramasamy stuffed the turkey ,

made the pudding and a few

other dishes before going to bed . AsRohini wakes on Christmas Day , she opens the windows wide .

The garden is filled with birdsong and the light morning breeze

lifts her spirits .

The McNeils arrive in a flurry of

gifts , introductions andmuch bonhomie . The immediate rapport between the two sets of

parents cheers Rohini no end . Adrian ' s father , Peter ,who has a

capacity for

putting people at ease , declares cheerily , as he places

several packages at the foot of

the modest Christmas tree in thedrawing room , 'You know , Christmas here is more a cultural

celebration . Susan and I don ' t go to church even on Christmas

Eve ; have never done and the children don ' t either . It ' s just a day

to get together with the family and enjoy good food together . '

258 Time and Chance

MrRamasamy, who stands at the doorway with a benignsmile , agrees, ‘There a

re people in Sri

Lanka who still go through

the ritual of attending church on Christmas Eve and on the day

itself but after that it ' s a case of eat , drink and bemerry ! ' Soon

they are chatting like old friends over drinks .

Adrian ' smother joins Rohini and Mrs Ramasamy in the

kitchen . Susan busies herself getting a salad together whilesipping a glass o

f

wine . Quite naturally , the conversation turns to

Shanti ' s application for migration and employment at theuniversity . ' I spoke to Adrian about this a couple of days ago . '

Rohini asks , 'How is he settling in ?

'He ' s fine . He seems to love Canberra .Of course , he hasmany friends from his campus days there . He has been talking to

the dean about getting Shanti fixed up.

Susan looks at

her watch . 'He should be here by

now . Hesaid h

ewould leave at the crack of

dawn . '

When Susan leaves to join the others , Mrs Ramasamyremarks , ' It ' s amazing how Adrian ' s family has accepted Shantiand taken for granted that she will become a member of theirfamily , even before they meet her . '

Rohini responds in a low voice , ‘The Australians have noinhibitions . They don ' t believe in the web o

f

customs and

conventions that Sri

Lankans get bogged down in . They are just

very open and generous . '

Mrs Ramasamy looks apprehensive but smiles atRohini ,whothinks that no doubt sh

e

will hearmore about this . It will take themsome time to understand Australian informality and spontaneity .

Christmas is a joyous family occasion . A couple of Alok ' s

and Vinodhi ' s friends join them as the family gathers in the cool

lounge room , which is filled with fresh flowers . Alan and Alokwere classmates at school and university and now share Alok ' s

apartment in the city . Rohini ' s heart lifts with pride as she looks at

the youthful pair as they come in through the back door . A smilelights her face a

s she thinks that they are clean -cut , handsomeand youthful and her son is so tall ,with h

is father ' s innate grace .

Time and Chance 259

Alan 's parents are overseas and Vinodhi 's friend Wendy 'sfamily is in Queensland.Rohini and Suren 's mother had made the Sri Lankan

Christmas cake a few

weeks before Christmas . The individually

wrapped pieces of

cake in decorative paper are passed around , as is

customary . "Gosh ! This cake is so delicious ! ' exclaimsWendy afterthe first bite .

It is a mild day outside . Rohini is relieved , as the traditionallunch with ham and roast turkey and a

ll

the trimmings that they

were used to back in Sri Lanka would have been a disaster ona hot

summer ' s day . Light in spirit as the day turns outwell , Rohini joins

in the laughter , the

sharing of bonbons and glowing remarks about

the food , mingling with happy banter . At the end of the meal ,

Wendy declares , ' I vote that we celebrate Christmas in true Sri

Lankan fashion every year . 'Laughter explodes around the table .

It is late afternoon when they go out to sit

in the paved

area in their backyard . The red geraniums are blooming in their

terracotta pots , and a cool southerly breeze wafts in from the sea .Suren and Rohini go back to work early in the new year . Theairconditioned cool in the office is an escape from the summer

heat . Suren ' s parents do not complain about the heat , as they areused to the eternal heat in Colombo . They have been trained to

keep all the windows closed and the shutters down until the cool

of

the evening .

On most days , dinner is cooked on the barbecue and eaten

on

the backyard patio . Unlike most Sri Lankans , Suren ' s parentsare not preoccupied with lavish meals but fall in with Suren and

Rohini ' s new habits of simple , uncomplicated food cooked in an

instant .

Even now , whenever her spirits are low

and she feels the need for

an intimate exchange of thoughts , Rohini does not turn to Suren .

She scrupulously avoids conflict and argument while his parents

260 Time and Chance

tall.

KOTI

are visiting , out of respect for them and her great desire to givethem a time to remember. She is acutely aware of the impermanenceof existence and their advanced years . Suren has grown moresensitive to her needs but there seems to be within her a well of

discontentment , a yearning for

closer companionship . Suren ' s

deep -seated pragmatism has been replaced in maturity with an

incredible risk -aversion and an unwillingness to change .What

still excites Rohini more than anything else is change — in herprivate life and in the public domain .

Rohini has become close to Elaine Patterson ,who works in

an adjoining cubicle in her office . They soon develop the habit of

discussing office politics , items of legislation , selection processes ,

and go

out for an occasional glass of

wine at lunchtime and talk

and talk . She is funny , highly perceptive and shares Rohini ' s leftwing ideals .

One morning Rohini is feeling despondent . Elaine looks at

her while she places her cup of

coffee and handbag on her desk .

She pulls out a brochure from her handbag and comes over .

Placing the brochure on Rohini ' s desk , she says , 'Hi there !Why

the long face ? Here ' s something to cheer you up . ' Desultorily ,

Rohini glances at the brochure and drawsback with surprise whenshe notes thatGehan is to b

e

the keynote speaker ata religious

forum to be held at the art

gallery . Surprised ather sharp intake of

breath , Elaine asks , 'What is it ? '

Breathlessly ,Rohini responds , ‘MyGoodness ! The keynotespeaker is an old acquaintance . '

Impulsively , Elaine says , 'Then let ' s go forit . '

With a lame excuse , Rohini escapes her family the next Saturday

and meets Elaine at theMartin Place railway station . As they

walk across the Domain , she does not tell Elaine about herconnection with Gehan .When Elaine says , 'Tell me about yourfriend ' , Rohini says airily , 'Oh !We used to be friends at university .

It seems so long ago now .We ' d better hurry ' , and keeps walking at

a steady pace , trying hard to change the topic .

Time and Chance 261

During the morning tea break , while Elaine is chatting

with some acquaintances and Gehan comes to mingle with the

crowd , Rohini boldly goes up to him . She is breathless as sheconfronts him ,but he greets her with such open pleasure that sheis bowled over.He says, indicating a less crowded spot, ‘Let's sit over there

where we

can chat in peace . ' Adrenalin rushes through her body

as Rohininotes the intimate inclusive tone , the way he looks at

her . It is much later that she comprehends that the intensescrutiny h

e subjects her to is the result of

how much she haschanged since their last meeting .

Over a cup of

coffee , they reminisce about days past ,much

to Rohini ' s delighted surprise . How did he remember the tiniest

details of their shared experiences in Peradeniya with such

accuracy if he

had not been thinking of

her all

these years ? Aren ' t

memories kept alive by regurgitation ? Hers are . Initially , she is

happy to know that he

had thought of

her .

But the insouciance and open friendly look , the lack of

emotion with which he

recalls these joint memories , leaves herfloundering in a se

a

of

doubt . There is no hint of emotionalinvolvement , just a cold , passionless narrative . My dear , you were

so beautiful . You are nothing like that now . ' This final cutting

comment sears her .

In an effort to regain her composure , she mutters , 'Why

don ' t you come round to our place and meetmy family before you

go

back . ' Pulling out a scrap of paper , she scribbles her telephonenumber and , looking a

t her watch , says , 'Look at the time !We ' d

better get

back . '

He promises to visit them , saying that he ' d like to meetSuren and the children . But as the days pass in silence Rohinirealises that it was nothing but one more in the string o

f

unredeemed promises he

made in the past . As the days lengtheninto weeks , it sometimes seems to Rohini that it ' s like a macabredance of

death — an awful fatality , that they will never meet and

re -establish that affinity or

the utterly improbable physical

contact she

longs for

passionately .

262 Time and Chance

In unguarded moments , she remembers the way Gehanlooked at her on their last meeting — not, as in the early days ,with tenderness and a hint of passion , but openly, frankly ,with nohint of emotion . She endlessly rehearses the words she would sa

y

if they ever met again by

chance . Then , a few moments later ,

resentment seethes , the old feeling of abandonment takes over

and she

vows to put his unwelcome presence behind her .

Rohini makes an attempt to reflect on their relationship

dispassionately . Looking back , perhaps Gehan was attracted to

her youthful good looks and shared affinities . Perhaps as theirrelationship developed h

e

was intelligent enough to realise that

she possessed a wounded psyche , a flawed character that couldcause him endless grief , so he backed away and submitted to a

n

arranged marriage that did not last . This realisation accentuatesher sense o

f loss , a feeling of bereavement that she cannot divulge

to anyone else . An emotional wasteland stretches before her like

an endless ribbon . Am I to spend the

rest ofmy life in atonement for

the mistake Imade in loving him and being disloyal to Suren , whom Inevertheless loved with a steady devotion ?

FORTY -FIVE

N ews of Shanti's impending arrival is a pebble thrown intoIV this calm pool of routine days .Rohini thinks it will be a shotin the arm for all the family . Soon her mind races ahead with theorganisation of th

e

wedding she plans to hold in their backyard .

Rohini is immersed in a quiet happiness and a simmering

excitement drives her during the days and invades her sleeping

hours .Her restless mind sets up

various programs and ticks off

tasks to do .

Mrs Ramasamy goes around the house constantly flicking

imaginary specks of

dust from the furniture and looking into the

room that has been set aside for

Shanti every now and then . Sheneeds to reassure herself that everything is in place .

One morning Rohini finds her in Shanti ' s room . MrsRamasamy turns to her with a half -smile , 'This room is so like a

room in an old Sri Lankan house . . . you know , the high ornate

ceiling , the leadlight windows . Your mother ' s old wardrobe andthis old bed seem just right in here . I am sure Shantiwill like that . '

There is a shadow of

her old feisty self in this new animated

mood and Rohini feels a certain camaraderie , a rush of gladness .

Still , as Rohini turns to leave , she cannot discount the feelingthat the environment is tense with unexpressed thoughts and

feelings .What is it ?

Rohini busies herself doing something every day to

improve the appearance of

the house and garden . Impulsively , she

264 Time and Chance

buys several pots of flowering petunias to place in their backyard ,

as the

garden is looking bedraggled after the fierce summer heat .

In the midst of

all

this , the utter lack of civility in the office and

the desire for a better -balanced personal life drive Suren and

Rohini to thoughts of early retirement . One night as they aregetting ready fo

r

bed , she says , 'Wouldn ' t it be nice if I was notworking now ? There will be so much to d

o

with the wedding and

so on .

Suren says in his calm ,measured way , 'Why don ' t you justtake some leave when Shanti is here and we can give retirement

some thought later when things are quiet . '

Suddenly , Rohini feels weighed down by

their financial

commitments , which require them both to continue working .

Feeling resigned , she says , “We are mid -life workers who should be

valued for

the knowledge , good judgment , wide contacts andcorporate memory gained over the years . I suppose there a

re some

bosses who appreciate this . '

Suren goes on , ‘ There is no overt pressure for either of us totake the redundancy packages that are periodically o

n offer . So

let ' s play it by ear . '

With Adrian and his parents , they all

troop to the airport to

welcome Shanti to Australia . Shanti is hugged warmly by

them as

she steers the trolley piled high with assorted suitcases down the

passage to where they wait in the arrivals hall . ‘My God , look at

her baggage ! ' exclaims Mr Ramasamy whose face is lit up withhappiness .

She declares in her irrepressible fashion , 'OhmyGod ,what

a welcome ! ' after Adrian ' s parents greet her with warm hugs , as

they would a long -lost daughter .

“Welcome to Australia at last .We feel as though we haveknown you for so long . '

Time and Chance 265

They gather in Suren and Rohini's house for brunch andcoffee . Adrian and his parents depart and the others le

t

Shanti get

some sleep after her long flight .

The days of blooming crepe myrtle and frangipani are soon

upon them . The fragrance of the frangipani , the temple flowertree with it

s

crimson blossoms in their backyard , drives Shanti to

sentimental raptures . ' I can ' tbelieve that in this upside down landoleanders , bougainvillea and frangipani grow a

swell as in tropical

Sri

Lanka . '

Soon the whole family is caught up

in preparations for the

wedding . Onemorning Mrs Ramasamy , Shanti and Rohini sit in

the sunny kitchen sipping cups of

tea . The weather has turnedmild and the summer heat is waning . Rohini gets up and stands by

the window and thinks that they should ask Shanti how she wants

to organise her special day . It ' snot fair that she has all these plans

in her head .

Rohini is relieved when her mother - in - law asks Shantiwhat she wants them to d

o

to help . Shanti looks at them with

affection as she declares , ' I want my wedding day to be a family

occasion , to be focused on setting off with Adrian and joining

him on our life ' s path . ' She pauses as though surprised , ‘MyGod !

That sounds pompous , doesn ' t it ? ' She laughs heartily . She goes

on , 'Seriously , Rohini , I would like to be married in your lovely

backyard , by a marriage celebrant in the presence of close familyand friends . '

Soon Rohini can see that Shanti is determined to inject

her own personality into the day rather than blindly follow thedictates o

f

fashion . She goes on , I also want the ceremony to be

an

eclectic blend of

Sri

Lankan and Australian traditions . '

Veena and Shanti had kept in close touch after Rohini and herfamily left England .On impulse , Shanti telephones her a few days

266 Time and Chance

before the wedding and invites her to be her bridesmaid . Initially,

Veena does not sound very enthusiastic and Shanti is disappointed ,

but she soon agrees to stand in with Vinodhi as a bridesmaid .When she arrives, Rohini is filled with happiness as the

house buzzes with their high -spirited laughter, the clutter of paperdecorations , appointments with dressmakers and the comings andgoings of friends and Adrian 's relatives . Rohini and MrsRamasamy cook meals and cut sandwiches al

l

day long , whileSuren and Alok clear the backyard and spruce u

p

the front

garden .MrRamasamy goes around with a smile on his face or

sits

on

the patio chatting to whoever passes by.

en

Wearing a silk dress with the palest stain of peach , accessorised

with dainty jewels and carrying a sheaf of ivory liliums , Shanti

draws gasps of

admiration from the small gathering as she walks

on her father ' s arm to the arbour where Adrian stands beside the

marriage celebrant . That night , after Shanti and Adrian leave to

spend the night in a city hotel before setting off down the coast ,

Adrian ' s parents share a quiet drink with the rest of the family .His father declares , 'Everything worked out so well .

Susan agrees , ' It ' s a wonderful start for

their lives together . '

A quiet happiness envelops them all .

Close to midnight , after everyone else has left , Veena andRohini si

t

together under the stars . Rohini asks , after a longcompanionable silence , 'Are you still with Guy ? '

'Yes we still live together , but we have not discussedmarriage , though that is what Iwant . '

Rohini feels a familiar anxiety as Veena ' s face clouds over .

With somehesitation she goes on , 'Guy ' s parents did not have a

happy marriage , even though they have chosen to grow old

together . They were both academics who actively pursued theircareers and Guy was a lonely insecure little boy who grew up

notbelieving much in the institution o

f marriage . A long ,

uncomfortable pause ensues and Rohini feels a niggling worry

Time and

Chance 267

about Veena ' s state ofmind . Then she thinks ,when will I be able to

speak like this again ?

Out of concern and with deep affection , she asks softly ,

‘Veena , are you happy with him ? '

'Guy is good to me and is loyal in a funny sort of way . I

have my career andmy circle of

friends and heis away a great

deal . So I sometimes wonder what our joint future is going to be

but do not have the confidence to force the issue . ' They bothstare a

t the clear night sky . Veena turns to Rohini , 'What aboutyou ? You and Suren seem happy together . '

Rohini is reluctant to bare her soul even to Veena , whoafter a

ll , lives so far away . She thinks , anyway ,what do I have to

complain about ? Why should I burden Veena with my disloyal ,

ambiguous feelings ? So

she says haltingly , “We have reached a

certain stage in our lives . I suppose the family trauma and thestruggle to bring u

pa family is largely behind us

now . I supposeyou can say we are content . '

The house is empty and quiet after the wedding and

Veena ' s departure . Suren and Rohini settle back to the routine of

work , shopping , cleaning , gardening on weekends and Suren ' s

parents seem content to spend the rest of

their stay in quiet

seclusion .

FORTY -SIX

TV Then Sarath rings one weekend to ask whether they areW interested in some reprints and a new book just published ,they decide to invite him and his family fo

r

lunch the nextSunday . He seems eager to meet Suren ' s father . Rohini is

apprehensive that there might be some friction , as Sarath hasdistinct notions o

f Sinhala nationalism . Neither Suren norRohini subscribe to his ideology and d

o not feel comfortable

about airing their cosmopolitan views for

fear of

discord .

Rohini tells Suren in private , ' I am confident of Dadda ' scapacity to handle any delicate situation . '

Suren says , 'Let ' s warn him beforehand about Sarath ' sfavourite hobby -horse . '

When their visitors arrive , an apprehensive Rohini trieshard to maintain a

n atmosphere of goodwill by

steering the

conversation to mundane topics .Mr Ramasamy had laughed in

good humour at

their fears of being provoked by

Sarath ' s

nationalistic fervour . She is confident he ' ll be cautious .

Sarath now relaxes as he sits with the others on the patio

enjoying a drink while his wife , Nalini , dutifully joins MrsRamasamy in the lounge room talking about her family in

Colombo . Vinodhi has gone out with friends for the day and Alokand Alan are expected to join them for a late lunch .

Soon Rohini ' s carefully constructed scenario is breached

when Sarath declares with vehemence , ‘Did you listen to the

Time and Chance 269

ABC program this morning ? Apparently , the Tigers are on thewarpath again . I can se

e

that the

military solution is the

only way

out of

this mess . Our small island can ' t be carved up

and

devolution of power to the

terrorists should not be countenanced

under any circumstances . '

Rohiniholds her breath and tries to catch her father - in

law ' s eye .

Suren takes control of

the situation and says , with somedeliberation , 'Sarath , we , as victims of the ethnic conflict , are

reluctant to get involved in academic discussions of

the situation

there . "

Sarath turns towards him , perhaps regretting his breach of

manners in bringing upa taboo subject .

Suren goes on , determined to press his case , We of the

lucky generation still harbour sentimental notions ofa land of

lotus -eaters asa wondrous place to have grown upin , at a time

when benign rulers tolerantly permitted the so -called upper -class

natives to live in their cocoons . The hoi polloi , of course , knewtheir place in society and w

e

were content to let

them remain in

their place . But that place we

knew does not exist anymore . 'Rohini boldly picks u

p

the thread of

his argument , 'Peoplelooking in now would b

e incredulous that there would still be

people who unquestioningly regard this place to be Serendip . '

“Well , you have to admit that when we

were growing up

Ceylon was some sort ofa paradise . ' Suren is quick to come to the

defence of his beloved homeland . After his initial outburst ,

Sarath remains silent , perhaps in deference to his hosts '

sensibilities .

Mr Ramasamy counters , ' It may have seemed so to a

certain class of people . But what about the real people ?What of

their lives ? This is a country which has spawned rapacious

politicians who , over a span ofmore than 50 years , have destroyed

the economy , the moral fabric and the so -called traditionalculture and continue to deplete the coffers to reward themselves

for

services to the nation . '

270 Time and Chance

Sarath says in a gloomy tone , ‘Perhaps , like most countries

colonised by the imperial powers , Sri Lanka is fated to go through

this post-colonial phase in order to emerge as a strong nation .'Unwilling to upset his guest any further, Suren gets up and

offers to fill his glass . Sarath says in a resigned tone, 'I love SriLanka , warts and al

l. It is where I was born and bred and it will

always be home . Sometimes I wish I could do something to help the

situation there . ' For a while he

looks at the sunlit garden , lost in

thought . Suren returns with a fresh drink for him and Rohini

excuses herself and pauses as Sarath says , “We have this small groupwhich fosters the maintenance o

four culture among the younger

generation . We hold meetings and conduct Sinhala language

classes for children . But I am not convinced this is enough for thechildren nor am I confident that this is what they want . '

Rohini ,who goes to the kitchen ,muses aboutwhat he said .

She thinks , I feel the need sometimes to do something similar in thehope o

f

salvaging a flavour of

national culture formy children . But I

am not convinced that the

forced learning ofa language could infuse

feeling fora culture .

The others come in and gather in the kitchen as Rohini

and Mrs Ramasamy dish out the food . Sarath ' s wife helps Rohiniplace the dishes on the table .

Drink in hand , Sarath continues their earlier conversation ,

“ There is something else that annoys me . Most people in this

group seem to have a chip on their shoulder with regard to the

generation that studied in the immediate post -colonial era . Thatreally inhibits my sense of belonging to this group . '

Rohini ,who is placing the food on the dining table , thinks

heis talking about the new breed of

nationalists . She cannot helpexpressing her disquiet b

y saying , rather lamely , “ I am not surewhat Sri Lankan culture is . Culture after allis not a static

concept . Aspects of culture change with time and we are not

involved now in its development . '

Suren says , 'We can

talk on

and on about this topic .Let ' s

relax and have lunch now ! '

Time and Chance 271

After the departure of their guests ,Rohini and Suren lie in

bed in the drowsy afternoon , reading . Rohini ' s restless brain goesround in circles . She cannot concentrate o

n what she is reading .

She thinks , I am never sure what I can do

to maintain a sense of

tradition and a memory ofa homeland lost to us

now . Do I want to or

need to constantly remember myorigins ? She feels rebellious .No one

has the right to dictate what she should or

should not believe in .

Sadly , she concedes that , in many ways she is not like mostmigrants who always have roots in the place they were born .

In the evening , Sarath calls to thank them .Mr Ramasamy , whopicks up the phone , asks h

im , 'Sarath , if you feel so strongly ,whydon ' t you g

o

back and give them the benefit of your education to

right the wrongs ?

Sarath responds vehemently , 'With all due respect , MrRamasamy , you must be joking . While we lived there , political

labels and the irisiyawa that dogs the Sri Lankan psychemade us

second -class citizens . We were never given the opportunity to

contribute to the national debate or

national growth as politics

muddied the waters . That is why we left , seeking a better life

for

our children . I am sure Suren and Rohini feel the same . '

Mr Ramasamy reports that he said , with feeling , "Whathope is there now ? I am not sure what we as parents can d

oto

instil in the children a love fora faraway homeland ,which is fast

becoming only a tourist destination for

them . Even if we tried to

help the people there in a political sense , we will be labelledexpats who d

o not feel the pulse or understand the yearnings of

the common people .

Mr Ramasamy says , 'He sounds as confused aswe are , torn

between love for

the country we grew upin and which nurtured us

to become the self -confident individuals we are now , and loathing

of the corrupt land of opportunistic politicians it has become at

present . ' The family sits on the patio sharing a cool drink ,

enjoying the refreshing breeze and the birdsong .

272 Time and Chance

MrRamasamy interrupts their reverie to declare , 'Thesedays, there are people in Sri Lanka who call themselves culturalpurists . They close themselves off and issue a

ll

sorts of

prohibitionsand censures against modernity . ' As no one responds ,

he

goes on reflectively , ‘Anything Western , even speaking in

English is taboo . But who in this day and age is able to impede

modernity ' s slow infiltration and its gradual undermining of

their

so -called cultural identity ? The unfortunate thing is that

nowadays civil dialogue is not possible to resolve these questions .

Any discussion is rapidly reduced to adversarial invective . '

Rohini becomes keenly aware that soon Suren ' s parents will leaveand it will be a long time before they can engage in these

conversations with his father . So she declares one evening as they

sit

in the

kitchen after dinner , ' In theory , a country could keep its

identity but only if it decides to live in total isolation , cutting off

all exchange with other nations and practising self -sufficiency .

A cultural identity preserved in this form would take Sri Lankansociety back to pre -colonial standards o

f living . '

Suren chimes in , 'These people who advocate simplisticsolutions and the safeguarding o

f

their cultural identity would say

this is no

bad thing .Remember this idea of isolation is something

that Ranjit believed in and was part of

the JVP ideology . ' It is

always evident , however , that Suren does not suffer from the tornloyalties his ancestry could engender . He has a holistic approach

to Sri

Lankan culture ,which in his view is an amalgam of

Tamil

and Sinhalese .

MrRamasamy says softly , ‘Culture is not a static concept . If

you look athistory ,which cultures have ever remained identical

and unchanged over time ? '

Rohini says , 'Can anyone tell mewhat we can include in a

coherent collection of

Sri Lankan beliefs , customs and traditions ,

practices and mythologies ? I am sometimes baffled when Alokand Vinodhi challenge me to make a statement . '

Time and Chance 273

When his

father does not respond , Suren says , ' I grant weare hard -pressed to come u

p

with a coherent collection . A single

cultural identity for a nation composed of diverse ethnic groups is

an ideological fiction .But there are times when Iworry aboutmy

children growing up ignorant of the traditions of

theirforefathers .

Rohini thinks that Suren is ever the traditionalist ,

preoccupied with his inheritance and its permanence . In ancestry ,

values and identification , Suren is emphatically Sri Lankan .

Suren frequently voices his fears that his children will losefamiliarity with the Sinhalese and Tamil languages when theirgrandparents and parents are no longer around . This inevitablelinguistic loss adds to the sadness he harbours deep within him a

t

the loss of his former world .He still strives to recreate its spirit , to

make it thrive , to make itmeaningful .

Rohini goes outside and sits by

herself on the patio .When she is

among Sri Lankans she can pick up

accents , inflections , thequalities o

f

enunciation , pronunciation and resonance that define

voices . During the years leading up

to the eruption of the ethnic

conflict , class conflict was simmering beneath the veneer of

Colombo society . Increasingly , they had becomedefensive of their

command of English , their Western liberal attitudes , their whole

way of

life , to which they clung . The nouveau riche , the social

climbers from less privileged backgrounds , displayed a kind of raceanger , a class anger and clear elements of jealousy ,which causedsocial disharmony . One aspect of this was their drive to right thewrongs o

f

the colonial era by using ethnic literature to create a

new identity .Now Rohini has become nervous about confrontingthem .In Sydney , she avoids their gatherings and their kind of

cultural totalitarianism . Ata recent gathering , she overheardthem chatting in a group , ‘Look at these English -educated people .

They will never speak Sinhalese even in their homes now and will

274 Time and Chance

never respond in Sinhalese if you speak to them in public . I feel soangry . After al

l , they were the beneficiaries of free education andthey should give something back to ourmotherland . Instead , they

try

to deny their connection to Sri Lanka . Damned traitors ! Sherecoiled from the high passion in their voices .

Sometimes she looks at

her children and other Sri Lankan

children growing up

in Australia . They are typical hybrids . Their

looks are distinctly Asian , but the values and attitudes they sharewith their peers are very Australian . These young people have so

many cultural identities that puristsmight say

they havenone at

all . But Rohini is convinced that they feel like fully fledged

citizens in a globalised world . So , in a sense , she envies them .Herchildren have naturally achieved what she had always aspired to .

She always thought of

herself as a global citizen but had to

suppress public declaration of

this for

fear of being branded

disloyal by

her compatriots . National identity can bea benign

influence only if it is tolerant of ambivalence or multiple

affiliation . The nation is not ‘one ' or indivisible .With her sense

of global citizenship , she regardsher Australian citizenship as her

overriding identity , while she feels kinship with many others ,including Sri Lankans . Without exception , al

l

nations aremongrel nations . They have all been built from a diversity o

f

cultural fragments .

Perhaps the right of her children and still unborn

grandchildren to publicly acknowledge their sense of belonging to

Australia , irrespective of their roots , will be achieved in her

lifetime . For Rohini , it remains a painful dilemma of belonging to

this land she has come to love so much but her rights to which

have not been acknowledged .

Rohini to reflects that Alfred Deakin ' s injunction at the

Federation of

Australia that ' we should be one people and remainone people , without the admixture of

other races ' stillreverberates in the hearts and minds of

older Australians ,

incapacitating them , rendering them incapable of stretching theirarms out in welcome to the newcomers who yearn to belong .

FORTY -SEVEN

Curen and Rohini are atwork one Wednesday morning when aUfriend of Bala 's who had heard of their arrival in Sydneytelephones Mr Ramasamy. In typical Sri Lankan fashion , MrRamasamy invites John Chelliah to visit them thatweekend . Anapprehensive Suren questions his father, ‘Did he tell you abouthimselfother than the fact that he knows Uncle Bala ?

“Why do you ask?

'We have to be

careful because most of

these expatriates

support the LTTE . Rohini and I don ' t want to get drawn intotheir tentacles . '

Most expatriates have absorbed the global culture as

articulated by

the West and have acquired the veneer of global

citizenship . Suren says in private to Rohini , ' Ihope his years herehave changed him . Earlier o

n the phone ,when he rang to confirm

the time of

his visit , he seemed friendly and genuinely pleased

about the opportunity to meet Dadda . '

When John Chelliah arrives on Sunday morning , Suren and

Rohini set

aside their initial unease and converse freely with him .

A tall and wiry man with an austere look so typical of

Jaffna public servants who made their home in southern parts of

the island , he impresses them asa serious person .However , hisseething resentment becomes evident as they le

t

their guard down

and begin to discuss taboo subjects .

276 Time and Chance

Making himself comfortable in a deep armchair , hedeclares, 'In a perverse sort of way, I am glad of the opportunitythat presented itself fo

r

us to leave Sri Lanka in 1983 . I used to be

the second in charge in the Public Works Department in

Colombo with no hope of gaining the top job. I had the

qualifications but Iwas Tamil . You know , likemost people , Iwasborn and bred in Jaffna but was forced to live in th

e

south .

Mr Ramasamy says , “Myroots are in Jaffna aswell ,but like

most ofus , because of the material base underpinning the control

of

the

state structure ,my parents chose to live in Colombo .Myfather was a public servant , a product of British colonialism . I am

afraid , like most people of the Tamil middle class , he had an

overblown psychology of

superiority .

Eager to engage in somemeaningful conversation , Surenadds , ‘Perhaps that alone could have caused someproblems .

Feeling a bit uneasy , Rohini leaves the room in order to get

some refreshments .Mrs Ramasamy slips out of the room andfollows Rohini into the kitchen . Raised voices emanating fromthe lounge room force her to hurry back . As she comes in , shehears her father - in -law sa

y

testily , “Look at the case of NeelanTiruchelvam . I knew him well , a gentle self -effacing man despitehis immense intellect . All he tried to d

o

was work with the

Government to draw up

a new constitution to meet the

aspirations of

the Tamil people .

Mr Chelliah answers spiritedly , People say he

was a

democrat and a human rights activist .What was the use of hisefforts ?His activities had n

omeaning for

the Tamil people who

have neither democracy nor human rights . '

Rohini is shocked at this rejoinder . She looks at Suren ,

who sits slackly on his chair with his hands folded loosely in front

of

him . She cannot catch his

eye . They admired Neelan and weredeeply grieved at his death at the hands ofa LTTE assassin . She is

relieved when Dadda continues calmly , 'You don ' t understand . If

you live there , as I do , you will know that most people want an

end to the war . They can ' t do anything about it because of the

Time and Chance 277

attitude of the LTTE and their intolerance of democracy . So ofcourse , to supporters of the LTTE ,Neelan was a threat .'

The talk subsides as Rohini hands coffee and biscuitsaround.

Soon Mr Ramasamy picks up the thread of his argument .

‘No doubt , the

State created conditions of

insecurity and despair

in the Tamil middle class . You are no doubt a victim of

this . But

I must say

that the nationalistic politics of the Tamil middle class

thrived on this insecurity and despair rather than trying to do

something to alleviate it . I feel the Tigers were able to silence theintellectuals in this weak middle class b

y

attacking so -called

" traitors ” . '

Rohini ' s opinion of

John Chelliah asa harmless individual

and a friend of

Uncle Bala changes rapidly .He looks angry andresentful . Powerful emotions and a sense of outrage seem to drivehim .

Mr Ramasamy is undeterred . He continues , ' I have timethese days to reflect on many things . As fa

ras I am concerned , the

current human rights discourse is all politics .What exactly do you

mean when you say

Tamils have no

human rights under the

present Sinhalese regime ? It ' s all very relative . If we consider therights enshrined in the Universal Declaration o

f

Human Rights ,

can we

say

that any country in the world upholds universal

human rights ?

‘All I can

say is that ever since independence the Sinhala

governments in the south denied educational and linguistic rights

to the Tamils . Of course , everybody knows about the humanrights violations o

f

the army during their occupation of

the Tamil

areas . 'Mr Chelliah appears to be respectful ofMr Ramasamy

though he

continues to stand his ground .

Though Suren and Rohini have many Tamil friends andacquaintances , in the aftermath of

their family crisis and their

experience in London , they had vowed to avoid any heavy

discussion of

the ethnic issue . Angrily , she thinks ,here we are nowcaught u

pin what we

have scrupulously avoided so far. She thinks

278 Time and Chance

that they must not contribute much to this conversation , whichshe nevertheless finds quite interesting .

She remains in the room whileMrRamasamy continues ,‘MrChelliah , you need to look at these situations more broadly .Do you think the superpowers like the US , who preach aboutglobal human rights to others , will stand up to scrutiny by animpartialUN institution ? I doubt very much that the Tigers ,whose leader imposes a totalitarian regime on his followers , hasany concept of human rights . What I would like to see is someconsideration by everyone of basic human dignity and somedegree of respect . One has to be pragmatic and not le

t

mere

rhetoric poison the atmosphere . '

There is silence in the room after this long dissertation .

Even John Chelliah holds his tongue out of respect for MrRamasamy .Rohini is getting tired and wishes she were elsewhere .

John Chelliah breaks the silence , ' I agree with you on that

score , but the situation in Sri Lanka right now is very complex

and there is little those who live abroad can do . '

Mr Ramasamy says , 'Look here ,Mr Chelliah , the Tamilsneed a political solution after the horrors o

f

years of

endless

warfare .But I am not optimistic about a resolution of

the conflict .Prabhakaran will not let anyone else speak for the Tamils . That ' s

because a political solution will never satisfy a man who assumes

heis god and sends others to martyrdom in his

name . '

Suren remonstrates with him jokingly , in an effort to

lighten themood , “Dadda , you must be carefulwhat you say aboutPrabhakaran .His spies a

re everywhere . '

His father responds , ' I am at the end ofmy life . So I don ' t

really care . I am totally disgusted with the situation asit is .While

the condemnation of

Neelan ' smurder came from eminent peoplearound the world , from the people of his own class and age

group

who attended the same elite schools in Colombo , there were only

vicious remarks .

Soon John Chelliah gets up

to leave . He invites MrRamasamy to address his Society fo

r

the Preservation of

Tamil

Time and Chance 279

Culture . 'Mr Ramasamy, I am sure you will enjoy meeting ourmembers , who a

re professionals in this country ,mainly doctors ,

engineers and accountants . They have done well here and havelucrative incomes and nice homes . Their children attend private

schools and stand out academically . But the unfortunate thing is

that they remain excluded from the establishment .What we aretrying to d

ois to give them a sense of belonging as well as support

humanitarian causes back home . '

Mr Ramasamy does not sound enthusiastic when heresponds , 'Letme think about it . I have your telephone numberand Iwill get back to you a

s soon as possible . '

That night after dinner the family sits around the kitchen tablechatting a

s usual . Mr Ramasamy , who appears to be mulling

things over , says , 'You know ,this John Chelliah remindsme of theelite people I used to meet in Jaffna . All thatmattered to themwas security and financial rewards . They did not encourageintellectual and artistic pursuits , so I doubt his society has much

to do

with culture . Though of high caste , they were servants in

the work sphere . He still harbours the resentment at not beingappointed the head o

f

his department . '

Suren ,who has been listening to his father with an amused

smile , says , “Dadda , I hearmost of these societies and associationsare a front fo

r

the LTTE , so it might be a good idea for you to

decline the invitation . '

“ I agree with you that may be so . In any case , in Jaffna ,

there was a bad feeling in people who did professional jobs in the

south . They always felt subservient to the Sinhalese . But thesepeople used to strut around as absolute masters in the local temple

and other parochial organisations . I am sure that will be the casewith regard to John Chelliah ' s group as well . People who feel

alienated usually flock to Prabhakaran ' s cause . '

FORTY -EIGHT

ohini never expected to hear of peace in the land of her

Ilbirth , at least not in their lifetime . But now they hear thatthere is hope — at least a fragile hope that somehow the current

euphoria after peace talks will be replaced by a successfulreunification of the island . No doubt the process will be painful,given the social and economic dislocations of many years . It willalso involve a reckoning with the past on both sides . There willbe the inevitable confrontation by those involved in the

systematic , brutal political andmilitary oppression — the victimsand those who pulled the strings keeping the ferocious civil wargoing formany years.Once broken ,can psyches and bodies be putback together ?

What of the Tigers ? Can they easily give up their cruelmind - se

t

and political habits ? Their pedantic regulation and their

violence ? How can a generation of

blackmailed and harassed

adolescents live outside the paranoid institutional culture so

carefully set up by

the Tigers ?

A few

months later , the much vaunted peace talks take place in

Thailand between the LTTE and the Sri Lankan Government .

Except fora few

border skirmishes , the ceasefire is maintained ,

giving the country some breathing space after nearly 20 years of

unrelenting civil war .

Time and Chance 281

Sarath and his wife call in one evening and they allsit

on the

patio discussing the talks going on

in Thailand . As

Rohini serves

some savouries , in order to open up

the conversation , she

declares ,

‘Don ' t you think it is promising that the LTTE is supposed to haveabandoned the concept o

fa separate state , this so -called Eelam ? '

Suren responds with spirit , ' I am not yet sure whether to be

happy at

the turn of

events . The chief protagonist in thispantomime , you know , this Anton Balasingham , draws a speciousdistinction between separatism and secession . So who is to sa

y

that the LTTE has renounced Eelam ? They say

that all they want

is a Tamil homeland and the right of

self -determination . '

. Rohini readily agrees , giving vent to her deeply heldsuspicions , 'Well , I suppose it al

l

sounds like a case of

smoke and

mirrors tome .

Sarath launches into a heated diatribe , 'Yes , I can see

what

you both mean .Much as I want to believe in the peace process ,

perhaps because ofmy intense desire for

peace , I am not sure theLTTE ca

n

be

trusted . In the name of national liberation they

carried out political assassinations and killed and maimed

thousands .Now I suppose they are attempting to gain international

legitimacy by

pretending to be partners in peace with their

erstwhile enemies . '

Rohinireflects that there are no

leaders with the power to

inspire others on both sides , no Mandelas waiting in the wings in

that divided and turbulent country . Sadly , there is no power in thecommunity — n

o people -power to take control of

the process .

A few days later , some old friends from Colombo ,who are visiting

relatives in Sydney , phone and Suren invites them for lunch thenext day . When Derrick and Shanti arrive , the four friends aregenuinely delighted in each other ' s company .Rohini is happy as

Shanti expresses her admiration of

their home and garden as they

walk through to the patio outside . She glances at Suren , whoseface is lit u

p

at

the sight of

their old friends .

282 Time and Chance

The conversation soon turns to the peace talks. Derrick is

the eternal optimist , buoyed by the trend of events , whereasShanti expresses the reservations of most Sinhalese nationalists :

* You can 't understand what a relief it is to live in Colombo and goabout our daily lives without the pall of violence in the north .'

“ Yes , but I feel very uneasy about the peace process . TheGovernment seems to be giving away to

o

much for

the sake of

peace . The LTTE is a wily organisation and I don ' t believe theyhave given u

p

their dream ofa separate state .

Initially , Suren and Rohini support her line of argument .

Rohini drawsback as she observes the rising irritation in Derrick .

“ I suppose some sort of peace is better than no peace at all , '

Derrick says lamely . “ I am happy to accept even a stalemate ratherthan g

o through the horror of war day in and day out . I am sure

the people in the benighted city of

Jaffna feel the same .

He pauses and looks around , ‘Let ' s change the subject .

Whatever we say is academic and has no impact on the talks .

Suren , I am keen to know how you both are settling in here .Shanti adds , ' Yes , let ' s talk about something interesting .

We hardly meet these days and wemiss the long chats we used tohave when you still lived in Colombo . '

They sit

awhile looking out into the garden . Rohini thinkshow fortunate they a

re to be away from Colombo ; for

the

placid

ambience , the light , the space they enjoy .

Derrick says reflectively , after a few minutes ' silence , ' Youknow , it is pretty depressing these days in Colombo . People in ourage group tend to b

eso boring . The womenfolk , even if they are

professionals , take to religion , a so -called misty Buddhist worldand soon claim a divine level of comprehension o

n the road to

Nirvana . Themenfolk age disgracefully , withdraw into a nostalgicfog and become crashing bores . 'Rohini looks at him with interestand empathy . Encouraged , he turns his gaze on her and goes

on , ' I hardly relate to these people and ,more and more , I hateattending the never ending weddings , funerals and othergatherings in Colombo . '

Time and Chance 283

In an effort to change the depressing topic , Rohini asksbrightly , 'What are your impressions so fa

r

of Sydney ?Have you

been around much ?

Shanti says that their impressions are that Sydney has

a great deal of

natural beauty .

“Of course , given Sydney ' s relatively short history ,wemissthe history -steeped streetscapes o

f European cities . But Sydneyhas it

s

charms and its green spaces are attractive . '

Derrick is keen to know their thoughts about their quality

of

life and Rohini declares lightly , ‘Australia may not haveaccepted u

s ,but we

have not outlived our welcome ! '

She looks at

Suren , who has been silent . She makes an

effort to give Suren a chance to express his thoughts . Though he

smiles as he

meets her glance , he does not pick up

the thread of

the conversation , so she continues , 'What I treasure is the timeand space , the freedom from want and the dissipation of energy

on mundane existence that Australia has given us .We don ' t have

to attend this one ' s wedding or

the other one ' s funeral . Ihavetime for reflection , fo

r

the space to move mymind around andperhaps confront my cultural anxieties . ' She laughs ruefully .

Suren ,who had been observing her thoughtfully , now says ,

' I agree with you on that score .What I appreciate most of allis

the

peace ofmind and mentalwellbeing we enjoy here . '

Feeling relief ,Rohini gets up , saying , ' I ' d better get lunch

on the table .

After lunch they sit

on the patio with their coffee .Rohini is keen

to find out what Derrick , an architect , thinks about thegentrification o

f their suburb and the pretentious houses that

have sprung up

around them .

Derrick says , These new houses remind me of the

monstrosities that have gone up

on the spacious lawns of

old

Cinnamon Gardens homes . They lack the setting of spaciouslandscaped gardens , trees to shroud the house . So they seem

284 Time and Chance

intrusive , incapable of blending with the gracioushomes , such asyours, in this neighbourhood .'

“Imust say I agree with some of our neighbours , old -timeAustralianswho say that they don ' t like the way our suburb haschanged . '

Suren , who shares Rohini ' s views , says , ' I am sure theirresentment towards newcomers has been kept well hidden fo

r

years . It ' s never been revealed to us

before . It ' s only now , after wehave lived here fo

r

several years and have been , in their eyes ,

exemplary citizens , that they speak freely to us . '

Taking courage from Suren ' s statement , his expression of

empathy , Rohini decides that Derrick and Shanti , who werealways o

n the samewavelength when they lived in Colombo , willunderstand her deep -felt needs . So she ventures to ai

ra subject

close to her heart , which she has not had the courage to discuss

with Suren so far.

' In the years we have been here ,we have enjoyed a certaintolerance . It is this spirit of tolerance that John Howard invokesand praises whenever h

e

wants to put on his act as a national

leader . Butwhat I desire is acceptance ,notmere tolerance . '

Suren looks at her encouragingly , so she presses on , 'We

have accepted their conditions and norms unreservedly and what

Iwant for us all is respect and equality . I think we have earned it .

For all

their niceness towards us , I am not sure we have been

accepted as integral members of

the local community . '

Derrick says soothingly , 'The integration of different racial

groups into a given community takes time . See what ' shappening

in England right now . Despite the occasional racial riots , people

of

various ethnicities have becomemembers of parliament and are

prominent members of

the professions . It will happen in time here

as well . In fact , from what Ihave gathered while I have been here ,

this process has already begun .

Suren says with interest , 'What makes me angry is that

when a crime is committed bya member ofa particular ethnic

group , they are

branded Lebanese rapists or

Muslim criminals .

Time and Chance 285

When a mainstream Australian commits a crime,he is condemnedas just a killer or a rapist , not an Anglo killer or rapist .Wishing to put an end to the melancholic topic, Rohini

says, 'Well , at least we are trying to establish amultiracial society .What the powers that be need to do now is to go a step further

and replacemere tolerance with acceptance of those who abide by

the law and play by the rules.'

Rohini reflects on the fact that acceptance is the most critical andcrucial value in lif

e . Here , as in Sri Lanka and elsewhere , it is

absolutely necessary for people to trust and coexist with others

despite different circumstances .We can accept ourselves only if

we have learned to accept others . She has learned that we canempathise with others and treat them well only ifwe confront our

own anguish .

FORTY -NINE

These days Rohini looks inwards. Her focus is on the smallI things , the significant things that lie at the heart of herfamily . There a

re times when she looks at the home that she and

Suren have tended together . The colours in her garden are lush ,

especially in spring and summer . Incredibly coloured rainbowlorikeets and brown honeyeaters fl

it

around seeking nectar in theflowering grevilleas , flying up to the tall gum trees and filling hergarden with birdsong . The patio with it

s

terracotta pots full of

splashes of

vivid colour , its stone garden seat and wrought - ironchairs , is a favourite place with it

s

transformative quality . Friends ,relatives and loved family members have gathered here for quiet

chats and heated political discussions .

Rohini reflects on the peaks and troughs of marital life ,

devoid now of physical intimacy . Somehow , she is content .

Life flows through their home and there are many days

when the daily routines blend smoothly to a relaxed evening and

she and Suren go

to bed to read before sleep overtakes them . Forher , reading is still a transcendent experience . Her intellectualand imaginative faculties are nourished , enriched and expandedthrough reading .

As she closes her eyes one night , she thinks that she can

truly say , as in Psalm 16 , ‘ The lines ofmy life have run in pleasantplaces ' . And they still d

o now . Now and then , the spectre of

Time and Chance 287

loneliness hovers briefly, but she pushes it aside , determined tomake the most of the time left .

Suren and Rohini do some maintenance tasks together in thegarden . They weed ,mulch and prune the shrubs. From time totime, Rohini stops to observe the play of autumn sun on the tallgum trees , the cawing of crows heralding rain . Pleased with a jo

b

well done , they both return to the kitchen . There is just the two

of

them for

dinner tonight . She sighs with relief .She doesn ' t have

to cook — there are plenty of

leftovers in the fridge .

Autumn , the inexorable seasons , spring and a chance for

renewal . It reminds Rohini of impermanence , transition , thebrevity o

f joy

and sadness — but , then , that is the continuum of

life and death .

Perhaps later she will write her story . Storytelling is

important , a healing process .Without stories there is no pattern ,

no understanding ,merely ingrained lifelong habits , events passing

before the eyes of disinterested observers , a life lost

in the living

ofit .

PANDANUS BOOKS

Pandanus Books was established in 2001 within the Research School of

Pacific and Asian Studies at The Australian National University . ThePandanus Books catalogue focuses on books relating to Asia and the

Pacific . The publishing list

includes not only scholarly texts relating to

the region but also embraces biography ,memoir , fiction and poetry .

Since its inception , Pandanus Books has developed into an editorially

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THE SULLIVAN ' S CREEK SERIESThe Sullivan ' s Creek Publication Series is a developing initiative of

Pandanus Books , seeking to explore Australian cultural issues , literary

texts , biography and history through the publication of

both emerging and

established writers who address a global audience . Books selected withinthis series a

re still published and marketed under the Pandanus Booksimprint .

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN

3 9015 06332 0512

ohini De Silva is a well -to -do , upper class Sinhalese of colonialCeylon . An emotional and intellectual rebel, she struggles to

come to terms with the old way of life embodied by her parents —

whose fortunes , attitudes and way or life have been formed and

supported by British colonial rule — at the same time as she yearns

to reject it.When she marries the son of a prominent Tamil lawyer,

her kinship structures come to mirror the growing tensions in

Sri Lankan society. When Independence from British rule sets in

motion a series of fractious events that unleash long pent -up ,

violent forces, the family fall

victim to the

catastrophic events

culminating in the ethnicholocaust of

1983 .

Depicting the social and political history of Sri

Lanka from the

period immediately following World War II to the present day , this

impressive family saga explores the problems experienced by

transitional cultures and the plight of

individuals who move from

one culture to another .

D orn and raised in Ceylon / Sri

Lanka , Siri Ranawake was

educated in English schools with a colonial ethos .Growing

up

in a colonial environment exposed her to cultural fragmentation ,

transforming her into a World citizen . After graduating from the

University of Ceylon , Peradeniya , she commenced a career as a

teacher . Shemigrated to Australia in 1974 with her family .

DANUTHEAUSTRALIANNATIONALUNIVERSITY

PANDANUS BOOKSResearchSchool o

f

Pacific andAsian Studies

www.pandanusbooks.com. au

ISBN 1 -74076 - 172 - 3