8 Weeks to Everlasting; A Step-By-Step Guide to Getting (and Keeping!) the Guy You Want

7/31/2019 8 Weeks to Everlasting; A Step-By-Step Guide to Getting (and Keeping!) the Guy You Want

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The names and identifying characteristics of some persons describedin this book have been changed, as have dates, places,

and other details of events depicted in the book.

8 WEEKS TO EVERLASTING.Copyright 2012 by Amy Laurent. All rightsreserved. Printed in the United States of America. For information,address St. Martins Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

www.stmartins.com

Design by Patrice Sheridan

LIBRA RY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

Laurent, Amy. 8 weeks to everlasting : a step-by-step guide to getting (and keeping!) the guyyou want / Amy Laurent with Kristen McGuiness.1st ed. p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-250-02062-8 (trade pbk.) ISBN 978-1-250-02063-5 (e-book) 1. Dating (Social customs) 2. Man-woman relationships. 3. Intimacy(Psychology) I. McGuiness, Kristen. II. Title. III. Title: Eight weeks toeverlasting. HQ801.L328 2012 306.73dc23 2012016342

ISBN 978-1-250-02062-8

First Edition: August 2012

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This book is not about getting the guy. Its about gettingthe guy you want and not wasting time on the ones who arent

right for you. You have the power to decide who youre in a

relationship withwhether its by your behaviors or by your

actual choice.

Most women assume that the opportunity for romance

starts on the first date. Well, Im here to tell you that oppor-

tunity begins right now. Yes, now.Because there will be no

first date until you get some basics down, and that includes

the basics of being a woman in the twenty-first century.

You dont need to change a single thing about who you

are. But you might need to start changing some of the things

youre doing.

Think about it: What separates the daters from the non-

daters? Its not beauty or every Hollywood actress would be

married. And its not career or every Hollywood actress

would be married. No, its all about howyoubehave.

Before You Begin


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8 Weeks toEverlasting

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Are you a strong, independent woman who has her own

hobbies and interests in life? Do you have a network offriends and an active social life whether youre in a relation-

ship or not? Are you out there meeting people, reaching out,

being open to going on dates no matter who the person is or

what he does for a living? Do you desire a healthy relation-

ship? Or are you just desperate for one?

You dont need to change a single thing about who you are.

But you might need to start changing some of the things

youre doing.

Because there is nothing that sends a man running like a

woman who doesnt want to do anything but obsess over him.

Thats boring for him, and I promise, youll get bored pretty

quick, too. So lets talk about how to date, and how not to

date. Its pretty simple stuff. So simple we all work very hard

to complicate it.

This is not about teaching you how to play mind games, or

how to pretend youre too cool when youre really a nice, sen-

sitive, and open woman who just wants to say whats on her

mind. If thats who you are, own it. But no matter what, you

still have to be aware of that little dance everyone does when

theyre first getting to know someone. Youve been messing it

up not because you were being yourself, but because you

were being yourself while ignoring all the things you need to

do in order to build a proper foundation for a relationship.


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Before You Begin

No more excuses or whining. You need to start dat-

ing the right way, the way you were never taught, and yetsomehowmiraculouslyare supposed to be an expert at.

Thats why Im here.

I am your expert, and its a role thats been hard won.

You see, Ive learned these lessons through my own field re-

search. Ive been hurt, dumped, and left brokenhearted by

men I thought would be my knight in shining armor. Andwas it always their fault? Sadly, no. Though I have certainly

dated my fair share of a**holes, I also had to start looking at

myself. What was my part in all this? Where was I to blame?

And, like you, I had to learn how to do something different.

Best Foot Forward

Lets face it: first impressions count. I have been on way too

many dates were the guy looked as if he just came from the

gym. I couldnt help but wonder if he was actually working

to not impress me. And the same goes for you. Sometimes

you may walk into a date looking as if you just rolled out of

your bed, or even worse, someone elses bed. In many ways,

going on a date is like going on an interviewand for pos-

sibly the most important position of your lifeso dress like

it. This has nothing to do with looks. I am sure if you looked

around at all your friends in relationships, you would quickly

realize that its not about being a supermodel.


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You need to play the part if you want to get the part.

First impressions are all about the packagingwhat

youre wearing, how youre carrying yourself, whether youre

presenting yourself as a confident and self-assured woman or

someone who doesnt have the energy or esteem to put her-

self together. In order to get the part, you need to play thepart. You should wear an outfit that speaks to who you are

this is not about being someone elsean outfit that youd

be comfortable wearing to dinner with your family. No cleav-

age, no skirts so short you cant bend over, and no heels so

high that you cant make it down a flight of stairs. On the

other hand, you also dont need to go on the date looking like

a nun, so watch out for anything that either hides your body

so much he cant see youre a woman or anything too boyish

that he mistakes you for one of the guys. As one of my clients

recently told me, Theres nothing worse than showing up

to a date and shes wearing the same clothes as me. So stay

away from power-woman suits or active-wear gym clothes

even if your Lululemon yoga pants look great on you. Basi-

cally, if its nice enough for church or the holidays, then its

nice enough for a date. If you wouldnt wear it in front of a

preacher or your grandmother, then dont wear it out with

a man you are meeting for the first time.

The same goes with your grooming. If you usually dont

do your hair or wear makeup, fine. But you can manage to

pull out the hairbrush and put on some Chapstick so you


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STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF

When it comes to dating, you should never be someone

youre not. For example, I cant stop talking. Ever. Ive

been this way since I was a little kid and youre certainly

not going to get me to stop now. Especially not for a

man. When I go on dates, I am the same silly, bubbly,

energetic nonstop talker that I am in every situation in

my life. I wish I could come in and be some mysterious

Angelina Jolie type, all brooding and sexy, but I cant.

But thats not a problem. I know from the men I

have dated that they love my energy. I make them

laugh and feel at ease, and they have a lot of fun in mypresence. The problem is not my personality. Nor is it

yours. You are fine just as you are. Whether youre an

extrovert like me or the quiet and mysterious type like

Ms. Jolie, the trouble doesnt come in who you are, but

rather in how you act.

look fresh in your natural beauty. You want him to see that

this date is important to you. You dont need to look likeyoure about to step onto the red carpet, but you do need to

get ready with the intention that you might be meeting

someone very important. You would want him to look nice

for you, so how about looking nice for him?

Before You Begin


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The Power of Positive Dating

For any woman who complains that there arent any good

men out there, my first question is: Are you looking for them?

Because Ill tell you right now, Mr. Right is not circling your

block, waiting for you to come out of your house. And if

there is someone doing that, call the cops. Now.

Mr. Right is out busy living his life. Hes sitting in trafficlistening to morning radio. Hes answering his phone at the

office and rolling his eyes at his boss. Hes out with his friends,

playing darts at the corner bar, and scoping the room for a

cute girl. Hes going back to his apartment at night and watch-

ingSports Centerwhile he checks his e-mails before he goes

to bed. He is busy. But he is also waiting for you.

And here is your chance to find him.

But first you need to leave the house.

If youre going to be a powerful dater, you need to have

a powerful life. You, like him, need to be busy. Because one

of the things I do remember from years in school learning

stuff I can no longer apply is that a body in motion stays in

motion. The same goes with dating. If you are out there, hav-

ing a good time, you will attract people who are looking to

have a good time with you.

If youre going to be a powerful dater, you need to have a

powerful life.


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Before You Begin

WHERE THE BOYS AREThere are men everywhere. I mean that. Go over to

your local market right now to pick up some milk, and

chances are you will see one. They are out there and

theyre actually easy to meet. You just need to ask the

right people and get out to the right places. Here are

eight suggestions.

1. Bars and restaurants. I know people say youll

never meet your boyfriend at a bar but that is so

not true. As long you only give him your number,

and dont go home with him, your future boy-

friend could be at your corner pub or restaurant

right now.

2. Friends and family.Lets face it. They know people.

A lot of people. Some of whom are probably won-

derful single men. Dont be afraid to send an

e-mail or make some phone calls and ask for their

help.

3. The office. Workplace romance? This can be a

little difficult to negotiate. However, we spend

most of our time at the office, so dont shut some-

one down just because you work with him. And

dont be afraid to ask your coworkers if they have

any single friends.


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4. Online dating. By far the easiest way to get a

date these days. Sure, there might be a lot of

frogs on the Internet sites, but there are also a lot

of princes. Match, eHarmony, OKCupid all have

eligible men looking for eligible women.

5. Intramural sports.Though its important you main-

tain your role as the girl in a relationship, letsface it, most guys love sports. So if there is a sport

you love, find a coed IM team and join it.

6. Hobbies.Remember when you were a kid and

you played piano or took a pottery class? Well,

its time to find that inner child and take classes

in things that youve always wanted to do, espe-

cially ones with other peopleno private les-

sons. Youd be surprised how many men are

doing the same thing, and how many cute

teachers are leading them.

7. Concerts, comedy clubs, sporting events. Basi-

cally any public place where people gather

youre not going to find a guy in your living room,

so go where the people are. Get tickets to your

towns basketball team, hit the movies with

some friends, and see your favorite band play. If

youre wil ling to fl irt, you can meet a guy any-

where.


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Be the change you wish to see. Stop making excuses that

keep you in the dating closet. Sit down and list what stops

you from dating. Put it all downthe fears, the challenges,

the excuses. And then start seeing what you can change and

what you cant. Get into action on what you can. None of us

is perfect. Even Halle Berry has bad days. (Perhaps.) Start

now to put into action what you need to do in order to feel

good about yourself and your life.

Join a gym. Work on some self-love. Look for the job

thats right for you. Then let go of the rest. This is not an

overnight process but it also doesnt need to take over your

life. If you start taking some simple steps now, you will build

your confidence and your self-worth. And you will quicklybecome a powerful dater, not to mention a pretty busy (and

happy!) woman.

Before You Begin

8. Community events. From the farmers market tostreet fairs to volunteer events, your future boy-

friend could be right around the corner from you.

Check out your community calendar and get

out there.


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You Cant Get What You Want

If You Dont Know What You Want

Its important to have a clear and concise roadmap to meet-

ing and getting the one you want. Yes, the oneyouwant.

Falling in love isnt just a matter of fate, its a matter of you

going out and making the right choices and creating theright environment for love to grow.

Because heres the thing: What almost all men realize,

and yet oddly, what most women forget, is that you are the

one in control. Yes, you, lady! No matter how long you date,

or whether things end up working out or not, you are the one

who holds the power. Unfortunately, most of us are not aware

of this important fact, so we end up feeling completely out of

control, giving away our most important tool to successful

dating.

The first step to taking back control is to figure out what

youre looking for in the first place. I know way too many

women who start dating a man, and halfway through the first

few weeks, somehow decide that they were looking for some-

one entirely different. Dont forget that you get to choose

who youre with. This is your adventure, so dont let just any-

one join you on it.


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8 Weeks to Everlasting; A Step-By-Step Guide to Getting (and Keeping!) the Guy You Want